Viktor hung up the phone with a huge smile on his face. He opened his calendar on his work computer and scheduled in the time. Excitement stirred throughout his body, which lasted the rest of the evening.
Yuuri sat in the front seat of the hospital van with Viktor driving. Unlike the other van they used this one smelled of funky cheese and dirty socks. The windows were rolled down to get some air into the cabin.
Silence stretched between them, unable to take it anymore Yuuri spoke up.
"Where are we going, Viktor?"
"It's another surprise! Yuuri trust me you will like this."
"Viktor, you know I don't like surprises, I almost had a panic attack the last time, and I can feel myself getting more anxious the longer we drive."
"That's the point. Life is full of surprises Yuuri, you can't plan your whole life. Try using some of the coping strategies we went over last week."
Yuuri sighed deeply. "Alright, I'll give it a shot." He stated, sounding a little skeptical.
"Great! Let's start with some deep breathing exercises. Better to calm yourself down before doing something else. Breathe in through the nose and hold for 4 seconds and breathe out slowly through the mouth. Try and focus only on your breathing, close your eyes it will help."
Yuuri did what he was told, breathing in and out slowly. Viktor remained silent, concentrating on driving but taking a few glances at Yuuri here and there. As he progressed in his breathing, Viktor could see him starting to relax. His shoulders weren't so high and tense, his hands were loose in his lap, and his legs weren't pulled together tight. Viktor stopped at a red light and looked at him full on. Yuuri's face was lax, the little wrinkle between his eyebrows was disappearing. Viktor couldn't help watching him, his own face softened. He wanted to reach out to him but stopped himself.
Yuuri opened his eyes at that moment. He saw the look Viktor was giving him and it made him blush and shy away. "Was I doing it right?"
The light turned green and Viktor brought the van forward. "There's no wrong or right way. Its how you feel."
Yuuri thought about it for a moment, taking a check on his body. "I feel better, more relaxed. But it still doesn't help the fact that I don't know where we are going and what is expected. The questions never stop."
"Well now that your body has relaxed a little, lets do some Realistic Thinking strategies. You don't have to say them out loud if you don't want to. Remember the three steps I told you, identify the negative thoughts, challenge them, and then replace them with realistic ones." Viktor explained.
"Okay."
Yuuri closed his eyes, it wasn't necessary, but he felt with his eyes closed he could concentrate better instead of focusing on the world passing by them in the van. He took all his negative thoughts and one by one he sought more realistic ones. It was a lot harder than he had imagined, the undesirable ideas always pushed towards the surface, obliterating the new thoughts he replaced them with. It became a never-ending cycle.
After a few minutes, they arrived at their destination. Yuuri opened his eyes looked ahead of him at a small local skating rink. His mouth fell agape. "I… I… What…"
Viktor chuckled and reached across to Yuuri, putting a finger on his chin to close his mouth. "I wanted to see how you are in this type of environment. Since this is the type of place you spend most of your time. I called around to a few places and they luckily had a time slot available to book. I know its not your normal rink that you practice at, but ice is ice, right?"
"N-No, t-this is great!" Still amazed, he got out of the van, feeling a familiar bubble of eagerness rise. Viktor could see his eyes light up and he looked happy. A certain warmth spread throughout his chest. From now on he always wanted to make Yuuri feel and look this way.
He went to the trunk of the van and pulled out Yuuri's skating bag. "That's my bag. But…"
Viktor chortled. "When Mari brought your ballet shoes, I also asked her to bring your skating gear, since I had this idea for a while. I've had them in my office ever since."
Yuuri grabbed his bag from Viktor and placed it on his shoulders. They walked side by side towards the building. A blast of cold air hit their faces upon entering the rink. Yuuri felt calm and acquainted with the cold air and welcomed it with open arms. He was eager to get onto the ice, quickening his pace to get to rink side.
Viktor smiled to himself seeing how eager he was. "You go on ahead and get your skates on, I'm going to go rent some for myself." Yuuri looked confused and wanted to ask what he meant but he already left. Shrugging off the questions, he started putting on his skates. As soon as they were on Yuuri rushed over to the entrance, taking off his skate guards, he pushed himself onto the ice. Feeling that initial glide and air whooshing against his face. He did a few circles around the rink getting familiar with it. Rinks are usually the same shape, but some are smaller than others.
After a few laps, and some twists and turns, Yuuri noticed Viktor struggling to put on his skates. He laughed to himself and headed over to him. Stopping at the barrier, he crossed his arms on it and leaned over, watching Viktor for a moment or two. The man in question was sitting on the bench, bent over trying to shove his foot into the boot. "Need some help?" Yuuri asked.
Viktor leaned back up and sighed. "I think I got the wrong size, I'll just go exchange them." Trying to push his foot further in.
"Let me help you." Yuuri giggled and glided over to the exit. He put on his skate guards before heading over to Viktor. He went on his knees in front of Viktor and grabbed the skate off his foot. "You have to loosen the laces first." He stated, and his fingers expertly worked at the laces.
"That would make sense, now wouldn't it." Viktor said sheepishly. Yuuri grabbed Viktor's foot and slid it in the skate. Placing the skate on his lap, he undid the work he just did and tightened the laces and placing a neat bow at the top. "Perfect fit." Viktor declared taking his foot back, while Yuuri worked on the other skate and repeating the process. "Thank you, Yuuri." Viktor said, once the second was laced up. He bent over and placed a chaste kiss on his lips.
Yuuri blushed. "I-Its not a big deal."
Viktor smiled. "Shall we skate then? I want to see your History Maker routine in action on the ice." Standing up, he reached down and held a hand out to help him up from the ground. Yuuri's trembling hand took Viktor's and was assisted to standing. Viktor reached in his bag and pulled out a small Bluetooth speaker, setting it on the half wall. "Now we're ready." A smile spreading across his lips.
Yuuri went first, gliding out onto the ice. He spun around skating backwards and burst out laughing. "So graceful and elegant on the dance floor, but on the ice…" Unable to finish his sentence from laughing too hard.
Viktor was bent over with his arms out for balance, his legs shakily took small shuffles. He looked like a foal walking for the first time. He finally reached Yuuri and grabbed onto his shoulders just as one skate slid out from him. Yuuri grabbed onto his waist before he went down. "I haven't skated since I was kid. I just need to get the hang of it, that's all. Its like riding a bike, you never forget." He stood to his full height and slid his hands from Yuuri's shoulders to behind his head, resting his arms where his hands just were. "Can you help jog my memory?" Viktor whispered lowly, leaning into Yuuri.
Yuuri gulped and his hands tightened on his waist. "S-S-Sure." He skated backwards, while Viktor got the hang of sliding along the ice. "Slide your feet, don't pick them up." Viktor's face was of pure determination and concentration. Once Yuuri could see him getting more comfortable he pulled away, extending his arms out a little further and then slowly releasing his waist, turning to Viktor's side. Yuuri's hand found his. His chest fluttered.
They did a lap around the rink "I think I'm getting the hang of it now."
"Alright, I'm going to let go now then." They turned around the bend, going along the long side. Yuuri reluctantly let go of his hand and slowed down so Viktor can go ahead.
"I got it! Wow!" Viktor exclaimed. Yuuri giggled at the sight of him. Viktor, though, got a little too ahead of himself and a little too excited. He lost his footing, one skate slipping forward the other unable to keep him upright, arms flailing for balance, and Viktor went down right on his butt. "Ow… Maybe I don't have it."
Yuuri stopped giggling and rushed over to Viktor. "Are you okay?!" He said panicking.
"I'm fine. Just my ego is a bit bruised." Yuuri held out his hands to help Viktor up. He rubbed his butt where he fell. "And maybe my butt too." Yuuri giggled again. Viktor smiled at the sound, making him shiver.
"You were doing great until you got excited and stopped concentrating."
"Yeah, maybe it's not like riding a bike." Viktor looked defeated. "How about you show me your routine, that will make me feel better." He wrapped his arms around Yuuri's waist, pulling him closer and gave him a few kisses.
He's completely different today. He's flirty and touchy. Maybe Yuri is right about him just being too cautious while in the hospital and its just me overthinking.
Yuuri noted, giving kisses in return.
He's completely different right now. He looks happy and carefree. I want him to always be like this. He's just so beautiful.
Viktor noted, smiling against Yuuri's lips at his thoughts.
Once he was safely at the half wall and hanging on, he set up the music on his phone. "Ready Yuuri?" He called out. Yuuri situated himself in the middle of the rink, posed. Viktor hit play, and Yuuri started to skate. He moved with beauty and grace, like he was floating across the ice. He couldn't keep his eyes off him.
Viktor knew the first jump was coming up. He didn't know a lot about figure skating, but in preparation for today he did some research on the different moves, jumps, and spins. Yuuri vaulted off the ground, Viktor held his breath, and released it when Yuuri landed safely on the ice. He kept repeating this every time Yuuri made a jump. He couldn't help it.
Yuuri posed in the middle of the rink, indicating the end of the routine. Viktor clapped enthusiastically, shuffling his way to the centre. Yuuri met him half way, not wanting him to fall again.
"That was amazing Yuuri! You landed all your jumps, and the step sequence was superb." He grabbed Yuuri around the neck, with his momentum, they slowly spun around moving towards the centre.
Viktor let go of Yuuri. "From the top!"
Yuuri went over his routine a couple more times and showed off one he was working on with his coach before he was admitted to hospital. Viktor found it to be wonderful and captivating. The more he watched Yuuri skate the more he fell for him. The more he wanted him.
"Yuuurrrriiii!" He called out to the other end of the rink. He waited until he finished completing a scratch spin and continued. "Our time is up, we have to head out now."
"Haaaaaiiii."
"I brought you a change of clothing, in case you wanted to change." Viktor stated, once Yuuri reached him at the exit.
"How did you get my clothes?"
"I snuck into your room earlier and grabbed some."
"Viktor!"
Viktor laughed. "Sorry, I won't do it again. I wanted this to be a surprise, so I didn't want to tell you to bring a change of clothes." Yuuri groaned. They took off their skates, Yuuri putting his back in the bag and Viktor handing his back at the rental desk.
Grabbing his bag, he looked over to Viktor. "I'm going to go change, I didn't realize how out of shape I've gotten not being able to train everyday, I worked up a sweat. I'll be back."
"Need some help?" Viktor winked.
Yuuri's face went bright red. "N-N-No, I-I'll be okay." Quickly turning around and heading to the locker room as fast as he could. Hearing Viktor laughing behind him.
Viktor pulled into a condo building. The gate lifting as he pulled up to the underground parking. Yuuri looked around in a confused manor. "I thought we were going back to the hospital. Where are we?"
"We are, soon. I sometimes come home on my lunch on days when I work my extended hours to take Makka out for a quick walk." Viktor pulled into a parking spot and hopped out of the van. Yuuri didn't move, he was frozen in his seat.
This is his home. I shouldn't be here.
Viktor headed towards the elevator, when he noticed that he was alone, he turned around seeing Yuuri still sitting in the van. He walked back and opened the passenger door. "Are you coming, Yuuri?"
Yuuri focused on his hands wringing on his lap. He shook his head, not bothering to look up.
"Why not? I thought you would love to meet Makka." Viktor tilted his head in question.
"I-I-I don't belong. I'm your patient. I shouldn't go into your home."
"Hmm… I see." Viktor reached out and grabbed Yuuri's wringing hands into his, feeling how warm they were. "I shouldn't touch you like this, but I do. I kiss you, even though I shouldn't. There are a lot of things between us that we shouldn't do. But I don't care." He put a finger under Yuuri's chin and pulled his face too look at him. "I am inviting you up. I want you to come up. Please."
It was the 'please' that made Yuuri nod his head and made him melt. He unbuckled his seatbelt and climbed out of the van. Viktor smiled towards him and slithered his hand down his arm until there hands intertwined each other. He pulled him towards the elevator and rode it up until they reached the 15th floor.
The hallway was decorated with neutral taupe colours which reflected off the shining marble flooring. A small hall table was placed in the middle of the elevator foyer with a fresh bouquet of flowers on it. They passed by the table and turned right down the hall. Until they reached a rich mahogany door with gold plated numbers of 1504 on it. Viktor rummaged for his keys to unlock the door. Sounds of sniffing and whining could be heard on the other side. Once he opened the door the poodle bounded into his owner's arms, licking his face. Viktor knelt on the ground rubbing her soft curly fur. The poodle rolled on the floor on her back silently asking for her belly to be rubbed. "How you are doing, pretty girl?" Makka barked in response. That's when the dog noticed the other man still standing by the doorway. She wagged her tail and butt towards Yuuri, rubbing her body against his legs. Yuuri reached down and petted the top of her head, scratching behind her ears.
A tear rolled down Yuuri's cheeks, landing on top of the dog. "What's wrong Yuuri?" Viktor asked reaching out a hand on his shoulder.
Yuuri sniffled and wiped his tears off his cheeks. "She looks so much like Vic-chan. Just reminded me of him and how much I miss him." Viktor pulled him in an embrace, his arms wrapping around his neck. Yuuri melted into his arms, his own arms going around Viktor's waist and his face nuzzled against his neck, inhaling the scent of the ocean and musk. He let his tears fall freely. Makka sensing the emotions in the room, maneuvered her way in between their legs. They pulled apart from their hug, laughing. Yuuri wiped away the remaining tears and hugged the poodle at his feet.
"Wanna go for a walk, Makka?" The dog barked excitedly, jumping in place. Only staying still for a second while Viktor put the collar on. She tugged him to the hallway, leading the way to the elevator.
She lead the way to the park across the street, once she was there she relaxed a little, taking in all the scents. Viktor grasped Yuuri's hand into his, walking in silence.
Yuuri was the first to break the comfortable stillness. "Thank you for today Viktor. I had a lot of fun. It was nice to get some practice as well."
"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. I was thinking about making this part of your recovery plan. Going to the ice rink once a week. I can book the time at the rink and the van at the same time. How does the sound?"
Yuuri stopped in his tracks. Viktor was pulled by Makka on one side and Yuuri from the other where they still joined hands. Yuuri looked down at the ground. "Really? Y-You would do that?"
"Of course! I think it will help you get better and like I said before, I think its also a small part of what causes your anxieties. So, it would be great to work on that at the rink instead of in a stuffy room all the time." He moved to stand in front of Yuuri.
Yuuri continued to look down and shook his head. "That's not what I mean." He paused, and took a deep breath, lifting his head to look into those ocean blue eyes. "You would do that for me? You would take time away from your busy schedule to take me to the rink?"
Viktor's face softened, now understanding what Yuuri was asking. He let go of his hand and cupped his cheek. "I would do anything for you, Yuuri. Especially, when it comes to you getting better." He leaned over and placed a chaste kiss of his soft lips. Yuuri smiled when he pulled away.
"Here you walk her, my arm is getting sore." Viktor shoved the end of the leash into Yuuri's hand. Yuuri giggled and took the leash. They continued walking back to the condo settling into that comfortable silence.
They returned to the hospital, Viktor having to depart once they were back on the ward. He was feeling great when they got back. He hasn't felt this good in a long time. He felt almost normal again, a feeling he wasn't used it, but he wanted to hold onto this sense of normalcy for as long as he could.
Yuuri decided to go back to his room. He knocked on the nursing station window to get someone's attention. Unfortunately, that someone was JJ. "Yes Yuuri?" He asked opening the door enough for his mouth to speak through, as if Yuuri had some sort of disease. That feeling was starting to slip away.
"I-I just wanted to go to my room. I n-need someone to open it for me."
"Sure! I can do that for you."
Yuuri followed JJ to the bedroom, the sound of JJ's shoes clicking echoed down the corridor. "You're just the person I wanted to talk to anyways, Yuuri." JJ looked back over his shoulder.
"Me? Why, me?"
They stopped outside Yuuri's bedroom. JJ unlocked the door for him but blocked it with his body. "I've noticed some things. I don't believe you're getting any better with Viktor as your therapist. In fact, I believe he's crippling you even further. For as long as you've been here, we should be seeing some progress, but you haven't made any improvement. I've spoken to the psychiatrist and requested you be transferred to my care from now on." Yuuri's eyes went wide and wild, his heart pounded in his chest. He couldn't breathe, only taking it short ragged breaths. "I'll inform Otabek when our first session together will be. See you then, Yuuri." JJ walked off, either not noticing the panic plastered on Yuuri's face, or he didn't even care. Viktor would, Viktor would be helping him through it. But he wouldn't be able to anymore. He won't be there to guide him, to comfort him, to take him on the ice.
Yuuri scurried into his room, slamming the door shut behind him. He slid down to the floor and curled in on himself. He closed his eyes as the shadow smothered him in a cold silent darkness.