CHAPTER X
"You and I," I intertwined my fingers with his, "are one."
"Until the day I die," he promised, "And even after that."
"For the eternity?" I whispered on his lips.
"Evermore."
Ariana Godoy.
The water of the shower fell over his head and shoulders. His hands were still shaking and he felt as if his head was going to explode. He looked at his fingers and moved them. He had been human for 18 years. The sliding screen of the shower opened and he sensed her presence immediately.
"Hey" she wrapped his waist with her arms from behind and kissed his back softly. Stefan held his breath in his throat and felt a shiver running through his spine. He looked down and watched her hands stroking his stomach. She was there, she was real. They were finally together.
His eyes got teary and he turned to her to cup her cheeks with his hands. She looked at him with a wide smile and he let out a sigh, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs, watching carefully her face as if it was the first time that he was seeing her.
"Is everything okay?" she said with a frown.
"Yeah" he breathed out. "Yeah, everything is fine."
He kissed her cheek and leaned his forehead against hers.
"You're here" he said in a whisper. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. "You're with me."
"Of course I'm here, silly" she giggled against his shoulder and he buried his face in her wet hair as the tears fell down his cheeks. These were camouflaged with the drops of water.
He did not want to let her go, not now that she was with him again. He did not know if they were in hell or in heaven, he had no idea of what had happened and he was scared that all of it was a dream. And she seemed to not remember anything that happened before. But when? He died, how much time had passed?
He needed to find out, he needed to know the truth and talk to Damon as soon as possible. He felt guilty, guilty for kissing and hugging Caroline and not telling her the things that she did not seem to know. Why did she not remember?
His thoughts were interrupted when she literally attacked his mouth with her lips, laughing. He smiled too, letting her take control. Guilt increasing but he just could not help it.
"I'm going to see if there's anything for breakfast in that kitchen" she said.
"Okay" he said. "We should leave as soon as we eat something."
"You don't want to stay and try to find something about your uncle?"
Hah. Funny. He had been trying to find out about himself all along.
"No, I… I've decided to ask Dam-, my dad, directly. It's stupid to keep stretching this uncertainty on."
She nodded and kissed his cheek before leaving the bathroom. He ran a hand over his face, following her with his eyes.
Caroline descended the last step, buttoning her jeans, and stumbled over Stefan's belt on the ground. She bit her lower lip to restrain a smirk, and she was going to head to the kitchen when her eye caught the only thing that seemed to not fit among the order. The smile of her face started to vanish as she approached the sideboard. Her hand took the photo and she brought it closer to her face so that she could see it better, narrowing her eyes.
She focused on the image of the torn photo that she was holding. Her eyes met the ones of the girl posing in the picture. That girl was not just similar to her, she was identical, the same. She was staring at herself. Her eyes, her nose and her hair. Her face got pale and her eyes widened at the woman smiling as someone was hugging her from behind, with their arms wrapped around their waist.
She covered her mouth with the shaking fingers of her hand. She remembered perfectly well who was the person hugging the woman in the picture, because she had already seen him. Stefan had shown her the torn photo of his uncle that he had found days ago, and now she was holding the other half of the picture.
The woman of the photo was the love of Stefan's uncle's life. The woman that he had written about in his journals, the protagonist of the story of the lovers of the cemetery.
"I'm not always broody, not when I'm with you."
"Yeah, I know" she giggled, stroking his chest. "So, anyway, as I was saying, it's the first birthday we spend together, so I bought something."
She pulled away, though she had it difficult because Stefan did not want to let go of her hand.
"You know? It's your birthday, I'm the one who has to buy stuff, not you."
"It's just a camera, Stefan" she said, pulling the device out of her bag.
"For what?"
She raised her eyebrows at him and he realized how stupid he had sounded.
"I mean-"
"I want to keep memories of everything" she placed the camera on the table and ran backwards towards Stefan again until he grabbed her waist with his hands. "Can you smile? Or am I going to have to force you?"
"Will you just give me a break?" he bit her neck playfully just when the camera made the picture.
Caroline swallowed and gripped the edge of the piece of furniture with one hand, breathing heavily. She heard Stefan's steps as he descended the stairs, drying his hair with a towel, another one hanging from his hips. She crumpled up the photo in her hand and hid it behind her back, offering him a smile.
"Hey" he said with a little smile. "Couldn't find the kitchen? It's not very difficult, Caroline."
"Hah, hah" she stuck out her tongue at him and he rolled his eyes, walking over to her. He squeezed her waist with his hands and pulled her to him, making her giggle.
"So, listen, I was thinking…" he cleared his throat and looked down at her. "What if we leave this house and we just… go back home?"
"Oh, you really don't want to find any clue or hint about your uncle anymore?" she said, looking around a little nervously and squeezing the photo in her hand.
"No, I just want to go home, be with… you" he said. She nodded.
"I actually think that's a great idea" she said, putting the photo inside the back pocket of her jeans carefully. "Let's go home."
He nodded and walked towards the stairs again. Caroline swallowed hard, her heart beating fast.
"Are you going to tell me what we're doing here?" Enzo asked, looking around with the hands in his pockets.
"I'm just…" Bonnie looked at the floor, recalling the day Caroline found Stefan's body there. "Checking something."
Enzo nodded and did not ask more questions. He knew that she had plans in her mind even if she had not told him about them yet. She probably would once she was ready.
"Would you mind waiting outside?"
"Sure" he kissed her forehead and walked out of the house.
Bonnie looked around again before her eyes landed on a specific spot on the floor. She was not able to restrain a feeling of apprehension and sadness when she saw the old stain of blood, impregnated there forever because of the blood of Stefan's heart.
She heard Caroline's cries and sobs in her own mind in form of echo as she pulled out her photo from her bag. She stared at it with a sad face.
"Oh, Care."
She placed it on the sideboard and sighed.
"One day, maybe. Right?" she smiled a little and stroked Caroline's face in the picture with her fingertips. "If you're ready."
She watched Caroline's smile in the picture for a few seconds and then she wiped her cheek fast.
"Yeah, one day" she turned around and walked over to the door.
Stefan sat down on the bed with the ring in his hand. Caroline would have loved it, he was sure of it. And he had pictured her face when asking her to marry him so many times already. And for what?
He gulped and squeezed the ring with his hand, a lump forming in his throat.
"I'm telling you I don't have that damn jacket, Bonnie" Stefan heard Damon saying. He looked up, listening carefully.
"I left it here, okay? I'm not crazy."
"That's what you say."
"Damon."
"What? I'm trying to find it too!"
"Following me everywhere isn't trying to find my jacket, Damon."
He heard Damon sigh and he shook his head.
"Wait, now that I remember… I think I put a feminine jacket in the washing machine."
"What?"
"And after that, I put the clothes in the dryer. Look, without Stefan here, it's difficult. I don't understand those things."
"Damon, did you read the label of my jacket? Because it's delicate and-"
"So, Carebear is waiting in the car?"
Stefan froze instantly and Damon and Bonnie's voices became distant echoes. He rose to his feet slowly and walked to the window. His heart jumped as soon as he saw her. She moved her shoulders and lifted her head from the space between her knees, pulling her hair away from her forehead.
"Caroline" he said in a weak whisper.
Her eyes wandered from her hands to the dashboard until she looked up and stared blankly at the window. Stefan swallowed hard and gave a step backwards. And then she seemed to freeze and her eyes widened in shock. He ran towards the wardrobe to put the ring in the drawer again and hid away in the bathroom.
"Stefan?" she asked in a whisper.
He shut his eyes tightly and leaned his back against the wall.
"No, no" she said in a whisper. Stefan pursed his lips to restrain a sob. "Please, please, stop" she begged.
"If you don't want them to shrink, don't leave your clothes here!" Damon shouted in the hallway.
"You shouldn't have put it into the dryer, why don't you ever read the labels?"
"I don't know, Bonnie! I just took all the clothes and… Blondie?"
Stefan heard Damon walking into the bedroom fast.
"Blondie, hey…"
"Caroline…" Bonnie said softly.
"Stefan, he… He was…" Stefan covered his face with his hands when heard the fear in her voice and sat down on the floor.
"Come on, let's go to the kitchen" Damon said. "I'm sure there'll be something you can take to calm down. Bonnie… maybe Bonnie can make something."
"No, I… I gotta get out of here."
"Sure, I'll drive you home" Bonnie said.
"I need to be alone."
Stefan heard her steps as she walked out.
"I shouldn't have brought her here" Bonnie mumbled.
"She has to get over it" Damon said.
"She can't, Damon. It's been months and… I'm worried, I think she needs help but I don't know what to-"
"She has to get over it, Bonnie" he repeated. "Stefan left. Period. She has to face it."
Bonnie snorted and walked away. A gasp emerged from Stefan's throat to restrain a sob. Damon sighed. He had clearly heard him.
"Everyone should face it" he murmured before leaving the bedroom.
Stefan stopped the car in front of the boarding house. He had had the best days in a very long time thanks to Caroline, but he could not help but feel bad. Caroline did not remember him, or worse, she did not remember anything about her previous life. And he did not know what to do.
His phone buzzed in that exact moment and he checked the message.
C: Ok, I know it's only been 10 minutes but I already miss you.
He smiled tenderly and shook his head. Even if she did not remember, she was still the same Caroline.
S: And I love you.
C: Duh.
He chuckled and started to walk to the door. Damon was standing in the living room, his back to him. Stefan watched him for a few seconds and smiled softly. He leaned his side against the wall and cleared his throat.
Damon looked at him over his shoulder with a smirk on his face.
"So" he said.
"So" Stefan repeated; his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "I'm back."
And that was enough for Damon to know, to understand the meaning behind those words. He looked down and nodded. And then, he just walked towards him and Stefan laughed when Damon hugged him tightly, patting his back.
"It's been almost 100 years" he said. "I can't believe it, I…"
"I know" Stefan said.
"I thought you were dead, I saw you dead."
"Yeah, actually, I was."
"And Bonnie… She made it, I can't believe she made it."
Stefan pulled back to look at him.
"So it was her" he said. Damon nodded.
Elena appeared behind them and gaped at them. Stefan turned to look at her and Elena looked down at the daylight ring in his finger.
"So it's true" she said, in shock.
"Turns out Bonnie was considerate enough to leave her a letter explaining everything to her" Damon said, pointing at Elena with his head. "Enzo sent it to us."
"Oh my God" Elena said before hugging Stefan tightly. "I can't believe it's you."
"I know, I can't believe it either" Stefan said, looking at Damon, who rolled his eyes. "For the record, you two are the best parents someone could ask for. Well, you, because Damon…"
Elena laughed with teary eyes and pulled back.
"This means that Caroline…"
"Caroline" Stefan bit the inside of his cheek and looked down. "Well, the good news is that we're together, kind of."
Damon chuckled and Elena's face lit up.
"The bad news is that she… Well, she doesn't remember anything, I think."
"Aaaaand the roles are reversed. Great" Damon sighed. "I can't believe we're going through this again."
"I don't know what to do" Stefan rubbed his neck, shaking his head. "I can't do this to her, I can't do as if I didn't remember anything."
"But-" Elena started.
"I can't be with her, I feel like I'm lying to her" Stefan flopped on the couch and Elena and Damon exchanged a look. "And at the same time, I want to be with her, but…" he shook his head. "It's not right, and I have no right to force her to remember what really happened because this is her new life, and she's okay with it, and she's… happy."
He looked down and Damon narrowed his eyes at his brother.
"Listen, Caroline might remember by herself. Maybe, if you help her a little…"
"Damon" Elena warned.
"I'm just saying that if Stefan recreates moments that were important to them, moments from their previous lives, she might remember by herself."
"Well…" Elena looked at Stefan. "It's not such a bad idea, right?"
Stefan sighed and ran a hand over his face.
"I don't know, I guess it might work. I just don't want to make her put a ring on so that she can remember me. I know she wouldn't do that if it was me the one who-"
"Blah, blah, blah, and the story is repeated again" Damon mumbled, looking away.
"What am I supposed to do, Damon?"
"Well, we actually can make her put that ring on, because that's what she'd want if it means being with you."
Elena and Stefan looked at Damon, surprised.
"What? I… I finally understood her after years and years of mourning you."
"Damon" Elena said again. "Even if you'd do that, we don't even know where Caroline is supposed to put on that ring. By the way, how did Bonnie make this spell? It's powerful magic, it's…"
"Stefan" Damon said before losing his patience. "Try the first option. Try to recreate moments, make her remember in a natural way. It might work."
Stefan looked intently at him.
"Trust me, if she knew you were alive, if she knew everything, she wouldn't want you to leave her. Again."
Stefan swallowed and looked down, nodding his head.
She opened the door and welcomed him with a wide smile before jumping on him and wrapping her arms around his neck.
"You're late" she said, brushing his lips with hers.
"Am I?" he said with another smile.
"Good news, Marien is going to spend the afternoon and evening with some friends, so…" she smirked at him and he raised his eyebrows.
"So?"
"So we'll be alone, in the house" she whispered.
"I've heard you, Care!" Marien yelled from upstairs, which made Caroline blush and Stefan purse his lips to restrain a laugh.
"Actually, I was thinking of spending the day doing something else" he said. She frowned at him.
Stefan showed her the gift that he had been hiding under his back.
"But-"
"I know, not your birthday, not Christmas, but uh, since I have to deal with you now because you're my, you know, girlfriend and all of that-"
"Am I your girlfriend?" she asked, amused. He raised an eyebrow at her.
"Come on, you know you are" he placed his hand against the small of her back to pull her to him. "You actually had a crush on me since that day I walked out the hall and you saw me and-"
"Stefan, we met in the office of the couch" she said with a giggle.
Stefan closed his mouth suddenly and cleared his throat.
"Oh, yeah, right, uh…"
"Are you okay? You're starting to sound like me when I ramble. I can help you calm down if you want…" she kissed his jaw and he gulped and closed his eyes.
"Actually, that makes me even more nervous" he said.
"Yeah?" she kissed his neck now.
"Well, I mean, it doesn't affect me that much, it's just-" he gasped when she bit his earlobe.
"Wow" she said, pulling back, with her hand against his chest.
"What?"
"Your heart, it's racing" she patted his chest and he narrowed his eyes at her.
"Caroline, will you listen to me?" he said, laughing. "Open the gift."
"Fine."
She unwrapped it and opened the box. There was a bike helmet inside. Stefan looked expectantly at her, watching carefully to see her reaction, to see if she remembered that the helmet was the one that he gave her years and years ago, days after he told her that he would wait for her.
She stared intently, holding it with her hands. Stefan's heart started to race when he saw the wrinkle in her forehead, her look expressing familiarity and confusion at the same time.
Caroline cleared her throat slightly and looked up at him.
"What's this for? I don't have a bike."
His face returned to his usual expression at realizing that it had not worked.
"Yeah, but I do" he finally said, a little disappointed. "And I want you to have your own helmet."
She laughed, shaking her head.
"You're so weird" she kissed his cheek. "In the good sense, of course."
"Yeah, sure" he said, snatching the helmet from her hands to put it on her head.
"Hey!"
"You're cute" he said, pulling from the strips of the helmet to bring her closer and kiss her.
When he pulled back, he stared intently at her as she giggled, remembering all the times that he had seen her wearing that helmet. And all the bike trips that they used to take around Mystic Falls in the late night just because she wanted to feel the wind against her face.
She swallowed the last spaghetti and he could not help but smile at her delighted face.
"Why do you cook so well?" she pouted at her empty plate.
"I think it's to balance out" he bit the inside of his cheek.
"To balance out what?"
"Your awful cooking skills."
She glared at him and he shrugged with a smile. She nodded, grabbing her glass, and she suddenly threw the water in his face. He closed his eyes and pursed his lips, the drops of water falling from his chin.
"I guess I deserved it" he said, opening his eyes.
"Yeah" she said with a smile.
"But, you hadn't let me finish" he rose and approached her. "If you had, you'd have heard that you have great organizational skills."
He put his arms around her waist and she rolled her eyes with a hint of smile on her face.
"Oh, I have something for you" he suddenly said, walking towards the counter.
He took a pot from a cupboard and sat on the stool next to hers. He showed it to her and she frowned.
"Okaaay."
"See that cookie inside?" he asked, pointing at it. "It's our cookie."
"What are you talking about?" she said, laughing. He smiled and pulled the cookie out.
"You think I'm crazy, but we were actually together in our previous lives" he took her hand to interlace their fingers and she raised her eyebrows. "And you kept this cookie because it was our cookie."
Stefan walked into the kitchen with a worried face, looking around after hearing Caroline's scream. He found her kneeling on the ground, and she seemed to be controlling herself not to cry, or maybe not to have one of her psychotic breakdowns.
"What's wrong?" he asked her. Caroline shook her head, pouting. "Caroline?"
Stefan crouched beside her and tucked the hair that was covering her face behind her ear. She looked sad.
"Hey…" Stefan stroked her cheek with his thumb and Caroline winced. "Caroline, are you going to tell me what is happening or…?"
Caroline pointed at the biscuit beside her on the floor. Stefan looked at it with a frown, not understanding.
"It was the last cookie, and it fell to the ground" Caroline explained. Stefan looked at her blankly, not knowing if she was kidding or not.
"Mm" he managed to mumble.
"What am I going to do now?" she wondered. Stefan could not help but curve his lips into a smile. That was too much. He tried to turn his face slightly so that Caroline would not realize that he was laughing, but he was not so lucky. She glared at him and Stefan pursed his lips.
"Come here…" Stefan tried to hug her, but Caroline gave him a shove on the shoulder and he fell to the ground, laughing.
Caroline looked at him as though he was crazy.
"Our cookie" she repeated.
"Uh-huh."
"And what's the story of our famous cookie, if I'm allowed to know?"
"Well, you wanted cookies for breakfast, so I bought them for you. And this was the last one, but it fell to the floor, and you started crying, and crying, and crying" he put an arm around her waist to pull her to him and she smiled. "But you wanted to keep it, because you knew we'd reunite in our next lives. I mean, it's our cookie. It's not a normal cookie, you know?"
"Are you high?" she asked with a giggle.
He smiled and pressed his lips against hers quickly.
"Well, if it's our cookie, we should eat it now that we're reunited, as you say" she said, snatching the cookie from his hand.
"Caroline, that cookie is older than us" he said in a very serious tone. "It probabl-"
Caroline put the cookie inside his mouth and he took a bite against his will. He winced instantly at the ugly taste and she could not help but laugh at the expression of his face.
"Oh, this is funny to you?" he asked, bringing his face closer to hers with his mouth full of cookie.
"No, no, no, please" she said, laughing, placing her hands against his chest to stop him.
But Stefan pressed his lips against hers again and she made a wince too. That cookie really tasted very bad. He pulled back and saw her disgusted face, and it was so funny that he could not help but laugh out loud.
"How much time has that cookie been there, Stefan?" she asked, wiping her mouth. He laughed again and then sighed.
"You don't even want to know, trust me."
"What are you doing, lovebirds?" Damon appeared in the door.
"Your son is trying to poison me" Caroline said.
"Hey!" Stefan pinched her stomach and she pulled his hand away, shaking her head.
"I need the bathroom, and a sanitizer. Do you guys have any sanitizer?" she asked, leaving the kitchen.
Stefan looked at Damon, who was staring at him with folded arms. Stefan snorted and looked down.
"You were serious when you said that you were going to try to make her remember with the cookie" Damon said.
"Yes."
"Obviously, it didn't work."
Stefan bit the inside of his cheek.
"Nope."
He opened his eyes when he heard her mumble, and saw her sitting on the edge of the bed, looking for her shirt. He watched her bare back, her curls stroking her skin.
"What are you doing?" he asked in a whisper. She looked at him over her shoulder.
"Looking for my shirt" she replied.
"Were you planning to escape again? At this hour of the morning?" he crawled over the bed towards her and pressed his lips against her shoulder. "You can always walk out the house, you know, like a normal person."
"And taking the risk of crossing paths with your mom or hearing the little jokes of your dad?"
"Hmm."
Caroline looked around, trying to remember where she had thrown her shirt the previous night. Stefan felt about under the bed until his hand grabbed a shirt and he pulled it out.
"Wear this" he said.
"But that's yours."
"Exactly" he said, putting on the shirt over her head before she could say anything.
He looked at her with the shirt and could not help but smile tenderly.
"You shouldn't have left yesterday" Stefan turned around carefully so Caroline would not fall. "You should have stayed…" he stroked her chin with his thumb and she smiled, shaking her head. "To celebrate that I have the house back and-"
Caroline pressed her lips against his and Stefan smiled, putting his hands under her shit to stroke her back.
"Happy?"
"No, not yet" he said, amused.
He leaned and kissed her again, standing straight to put his arms around her waist.
"Wait" she pulled him away gently and sighed.
"What?" he asked, watching her lips. "Hey, you're wearing my shirt, the one that you took without asking me, little thief."
She frowned at him with a questioning look.
"Why are you smiling like that?"
He looked up at her and shrugged slightly.
"I like to see you wearing my clothes" he simply said.
"Yeah, well, you've made a big mistake, actually. I'd thought of stealing this shirt from you already, and now that you've given it to me, I'm not going to give it back to…"
She closed her mouth and looked down at the shirt, realizing how she was gripping the piece of clothing with her hand.
Caroline pulled the shirt out of the bag carefully, as if it could break in her hands. She stared at it for a few seconds and finally buried her face in it, breathing in his scent, his essence. It smelled like Stefan. It smelled like home.
It smelled like everything that she missed.
She looked toward the fireplace of her room with the fire burning and squeezed the shirt with her fingers tightly.
"Do it, Caroline, just do it" she told herself, walking towards the fireplace. "It's just a shirt."
She looked intently at the flames and then closed her eyes, remembering all the moments that they had spent together besides a fire burning. Every secret, every kiss, every laugh.
The heat of the fire also reminded her of him.
She sat on her knees and began to control her breathing as she had been learning in order not to suffer another panic attack. She looked at the wrinkled shirt in her hands and squeezed it against her chest.
"I miss you, I miss you so much…" she whispered, her voice shaking.
Caroline frowned slightly and Stefan looked expectantly at her. She brought her nose closer to the shirt to smell it and Stefan thought that his heart had stopped.
"It smells like you" she said, distracted. "It smells like-"
"Like what?" Stefan urged, staring intently into her eyes.
She looked at him and he thought that there was something different in her eyes.
"Home" she finally said. "It smells like home."
"Caroline" he said after nodding, cupping her cheek. "Listen…"
"Oh my God" she said suddenly, seeing askance the time in the clock of the wall. "I really have to go. Marien is going to open the door of my bedroom to wake me up in 15 minutes."
She rose to her feet and Stefan dropped his hand to the mattress, pursing his lips.
"Thank you for the shirt" she said before giving him a kiss on the cheek.
"Yeah…"
She grabbed her shoes and her bag and opened the window.
"You really need to stop doing that" he said from the bed.
She giggled and stuck her tongue out at him before disappearing.
Caroline left the building of the faculty with Bonnie at her side and a coffee in hand as she told her friend about the heavy essay that would take pages and pages to write. Bonnie elbowed her suddenly and Caroline looked up and stopped talking.
Stefan was there, in the distance, leaning against his bike, arms crossed, watching her with a soft smile on his face. Her heart began to beat fast and she gave Bonnie the coffee without looking away from him.
"I'll see you later" she said.
She started walking briskly toward him, smiling as she approached him. Stefan gave a step forward just before Caroline pounced on him, wrapping his waist with her legs and his neck with her arms.
Caroline stared at the building, her head titled to one side.
"What are we doing here again?" she asked, Stefan pulling her by the hand.
"I told you, I want to see what Whitmore looks like, think about my options. You should too."
He opened the door of the building for her and the sound of college students' voices filled their ears.
"I know you still have a year left in high school but I thought it'd be cool to, you know, decide together."
She looked at him with a little smile and he took her hand. Stefan slowed down when he saw the vending machine from the corner of his eye and he could not help but smile. Caroline followed the direction of his eyes and she pulled him by the hand this time.
"Let's buy something" she said. "I'm thirsty."
He chuckled and Caroline frowned at him.
"What?"
"Nothing" he rubbed his neck as Caroline bought a soda. She heard some murmur and looked at the girls sitting at the tables, staring at Stefan's back with a grin on their faces.
"Huh" she said.
"What?" he asked this time.
"I don't know if it's a good idea to leave you alone here for a whole year. So many snakes" she said under her breath.
Stefan looked at the girls over his shoulder and they, instead of averting their eyes, kept staring intently at him.
"Hmm" he said, placing his hands on her waist and turning her around. He brought his body closer to hers until her back hit the vending machine. "Too bad for them I'm already taken."
Caroline saw the intensity with which he was staring at her lips and her heart raced.
"We're in public, Stefan" she reminded him.
"I know" he pressed his lips against her neck and she laughed, seeing the other girls look down. He sighed against her skin and then pulled back to look at her. "This could be our spot."
"Our spot?"
"Yeah, to make out, nights and nights to make out against this vending machine."
She smiled, blushing, and rolled her eyes.
"Let's continue our tour or you'll have to look for a bathroom to take a cold shower."
He smiled as she pulled his hand again. He looked at the vending machine over his shoulder. Their humanity-off time had been nothing compared to everything that they had been through.
A couple of hours later, they left the building. Caroline was excited because of the amount of modules and courses that she had liked; Stefan had a lot of pamphlets that she had taken in his hands.
She was talking and talking about all the things that had caught her attention when he saw the old message on one of the walls of one of the buildings of the campus. He had written it years ago when Caroline was studying there, for her birthday.
He remembered how he had tried to deny that he had been the one to do it when she asked him, but she knew him enough to know when he was lying.
Caroline stopped suddenly when she saw the message on the wall. She stood in front of it, reading the words with wide eyes.
I want you always to remember me
Happy birthday
Stefan stood behind her, smiling softly.
"What, Bonnie?! I was in the middle of a class, in case you haven't noticed" Caroline said as her friend pulled her hand.
"You have no idea what's going on out there. It's so funny. Happy birthday, by the way."
"Thanks, but what is…?"
Bonnie stopped in front of the wall of a building. Caroline gaped at what she was seeing and gave a step forward involuntarily.
"He did this, right?" Bonnie asked, folding her arms. "I mean, look at the handwriting, it's so Stefan's" she laughed. "I guess those words have a meaning for you?" Caroline was feeling very touched and Bonnie looked at her from the corner of her eye. "Caroline Forbes, are you crying?"
"No, I'm not" she said with sparkling eyes, laughing and shaking her head.
"Aw, Caroline" Bonnie leaned her head against her arm and Caroline burst into laughter and sniffed. "He's so whipped."
"I can't believe he's done this" Caroline said.
Caroline's heart was beating very fast and she did not understand why. It was like a sign, seeing their favorite quote written there.
"That's…" she started. "Is that the beginning of that line of Norwegian Wood?"
"I think it is" he said, putting his arms around her waist from behind and resting his chin on her shoulder. "Will you remember that I existed, and that I stood next to you here like this?" she put her hands over his and smiled softly. He looked at her askance and saw the sparkle in her eyes. He swallowed, crossing his fingers. "Hey, you okay?" he took their hands and interlaced their fingers.
She got startled and looked at their joined hands.
"Yes, I just…" she swallowed and smiled. "It's such a beautiful coincidence, right?"
She looked into his eyes and he watched her face in silence for a few seconds. He lowered his gaze and nodded.
"Yeah."
"You were right, I love Whitmore" Caroline turned around and placed her hands against his chest. "Let's go home, my plan for this afternoon is check all these programs and the courses that you could take."
He chuckled and nodded before kissing her forehead.
He had planned to take her there when he had seen the ring on the bedside table the night before.
He looked at her as he stroked her bare arm with his fingertips. He let out an inevitable sigh and closed his eyes. There was not being any progress, and he did not know what else he could do to make Caroline remember something, even if it was just little pieces of memories from the past. And at the same, the guilty kept growing and growing inside of him; he was not proud of what he was trying to do. Force Caroline to remember a past life just because he wanted her to? He was not like that. He knew that this was not a choice to make, since Caroline did not know all her options, but what right did he have to offer her a past, old life when she had started over with a new, happy one?
Was it fair to be with her knowing the truth, while she did not?
e wandered his eyes around the room, not getting any answer to his doubts and questions, and then he caught a glimpse of the familiar object. He frowned immediately and his heart stopped, watching the engagement ring that he had bought for Caroline years ago. He stretched his arm to take it and looked intently at it. It was definitely it.
He knew that Caroline used to wear a necklace but he had not noticed the ring that was hanging from it. How and why did she have it?
"Wait" he stopped in front of the jewelry shop and Caroline frowned. "It's my mom's birthday soon and I haven't gotten her anything yet. What do you think of that bracelet?"
"It's nice" she said, looking towards the engagement rings helplessly. He noticed and smiled softly.
"Hey!" Stefan gave her an affectionate pinch on the side and Caroline chuckled. "When are you going to forgive me for that? I wonder why you have that snow globe kept in your drawer if you don't like it that much."
Caroline cleared her throat, blushing a little. Who was she kidding. She loved it.
"Well, I don't want to offend you, that's why I kept it" she said. Stefan chuckled and put his arms around her waist from behind, burying his face in her neck.
Caroline put her hand on his, playing with his fingers, and she looked towards the engagement rings helplessly. Stefan noticed.
"What do you think of those?" he asked, referring to them.
"Those are engagement rings, Stefan. Unless you want me to marry Bonnie…"
"Caroline" Stefan said, exasperated, giving her a playful bite on the neck. "I mean what you think in general."
"They're… beautiful" she said. Her gaze was fixed on one in particular and Stefan tried to realize which one. "Anyway…" she let out a sigh and kept walking. "Come on, we have too much to buy."
Stefan glanced at the ring before following her.
"What do you think of those?" he asked, pointing at the rings.
"Those are engagement rings, Stefan" she rolled her eyes. "Are you going to ask your mom to marry you or-"
"Caroline" he pinched her side playfully. "I mean what you think in general."
"Oh" she gaped at him for a second and he raised his eyebrows at her. "They're cute" she cleared her throat and looked away. He tried to hide a smile.
"What do you think about marriage, Caroline?" he asked suddenly. She looked at him with wide eyes.
"What?" she asked with a nervous laugh.
"I think you'd look perfect in white" he said. She rolled her eyes and hit his shoulder.
"Stop playing, you idiot."
"I'm serious, Caroline" he urged. She laughed nervously but when she realized he was actually being serious, she stopped smiling.
"Well, uh" she cleared her throat. "Look, don't laugh at me or mock me but… Since I was 10, I always…" she looked at him and he gave her a questioning look. "I've always wanted a… a June wedding" she cleared her throat one last time and he could not help but smile. It did not matter that she did not remember everything, because she clearly was the same Caroline.
He lowered his gaze to the ring. He put his arms around her neck and took the necklace to take the ring.
"Forever doesn't sound so bad now that I know I'm going to spend it with you" he said, looking into her eyes.
"No" she said, smiling. "It doesn't sound bad at all."
"This is pretty perfect for you" he said, taking her hand and putting the ring on her finger. She watched the move, frozen.
She was about to close the drawer when she saw something that made her heart stop for a few seconds. She reached out and took the little blue box. And when she opened it, she could not help but sit down on the bed, watching the so familiar ring.
Caroline touched the ring with her index finger, torn between laughing or crying. Stefan was going to ask her to marry him, and she was finding out about it almost two years later.
She stared at the ring for a few seconds, remembering that it had actually belonged to Caroline, the woman that Stefan's uncle, also called Stefan, was in love with. She swallowed hard, a little overwhelmed.
"Not right now" he said. "But…"
Caroline looked up quickly, her thoughts vanishing after hearing his words.
"Are you proposing, Stefan?" she said with a giggle.
"Well…"
"I'm 17!" she laughed, shaking her head, and he smiled. "I'm afraid you'll have to wait a little bit. Marien might have a heart attack."
"I can wait, Caroline. I'm a patient guy."
She looked at him and he interlaced their fingers. He looked tenderly at her and she bit her lower lip, blushing.
"Let's do one thing" she said, taking the ring to give it to him. "Ask me again, in a few years" he smiled and took the ring.
"So, once you've finished college and, let's say, found a steady job, you would say yes then, if I asked you again?" he cupped her neck and leaned his forehead against hers. She looked into his eyes and smiled softly.
"You wouldn't even have to ask, actually."
He smiled before kissing her and she melted against his body.
Caroline looked up from the notebook of her lap to watch him. He was sitting on the floor, his back against the lower part of the couch, and he was reading a book. Inevitably, she had been thinking about the story of his uncle for days. The photo that she had found had started haunting her again.
She was probably being paranoid, but she had a feeling that deep down she was trying to ignore the facts, the suspicions, the mystery.
"Stefan?"
"Hmm?"
She bit her lower lip and looked down.
"Any news on your uncle's story? Have you talked to your dad about it?"
Stefan looked up from his book, but not at her. He just stared ahead, at the fireplace without any fire.
"Uh…" he clenched his jaw and swallowed. "No, actually, I haven't. I totally forgot."
"Forgot?" she repeated incredulously. He looked at her over his shoulder with a frown. "I mean, Stefan, your uncle looks exactly like you and has your name and you… forget about it? And you, well, we were doing a research about him and his story with… Caroline, and-"
"Why are you asking this?"
Caroline closed her mouth and swallowed. She looked down at her lap, hesitant to say what she was thinking. Things had gotten weird lately, she could feel it. At first, she had not realized. But then she started to notice the pattern, the coincidences. The bike helmet, the cookie, the shirt, the visit to Whitmore, the ring. She had read the journals a while ago, months ago, but she started to remember little by little.
His uncle had bought a bike helmet for his girlfriend; he had written about that day when he had found her crying in the kitchen because the last cookie has fallen to the floor; she had stolen one of his shirts and kept it; they had had their first time at Whitmore; and probably the ring that she had been keeping until she gave it to Stefan was the one that he had bought for his girl, hence the draw of the ring that she found once.
On the one hand, she wondered if Stefan had gotten obsessed with the story and if that was the reason why he was trying to follow a pattern. On the other hand, she wondered if there was something there that she was not seeing clearly, even if she had a feeling that there was more of the story, that the fact that she and Stefan looked exactly like the protagonists of a story written in a book was too sketchy to ignore.
She was scared, because she knew that there way too many coincidences at that point.
"I just…" she looked around. "Do you think the story is real? I mean, do you think… everything happened as how it is written?"
They exchanged a long look in silence, but then he averted his eyes. She furrowed her brow, knowing very well when Stefan tried to hide something. It was difficult for him to look her in the eye when doing so.
He rose to his feet and sat in front of her on the couch, taking her hands in his.
"Hey, listen" he said softly. "Let's forget about all of that right now, okay? All I care is us, you and me."
"But-"
"Caroline, listen" he interrupted. She sighed and looked at their joined hands. Stefan looked intently at her. He thought that maybe the reason why she had asked was because she was starting to remember something, or because her brain or her heart were really trying to do it on its own. And he had wanted to see that as another chance. "I know this is going to sound cheesy, and that it has nothing to do with anything we were just talking about but…" he swallowed and she looked back at him. "I just wanted to tell you that loving you has changed my life completely. You are, and always have been, my dream."
She raised her eyebrows as the expression of her face softened.
"You were by my side when I needed a friend" he started, and she smiled a little. "You made me laugh, you even made me dance" he shook his head, smiling. "And-"
"You told me I'd find love again" she blurted out suddenly, without thinking, and with her eyes fixed on some point of his chin, blank stare on her face.
"Yeah, exactly" he said, squeezing her hands.
"That's what… That's what you told me, in New York. You told me that I'd find love but…"
She frowned a little and looked down, feeling confused. He stared expectantly at her, waiting. She closed her eyes and shook her head.
"I…" she swallowed and opened her eyes. "You know, it's always been you" she cupped his cheek with her hand and he pursed his lips, looking down.
Another failed attempt.
She brushed his lips with hers with a little smile on her face, and then she gave him a soft, slow peck. But she felt how still he was, not cupping her face with his hands as he used to do, not tangling his fingers in her hair, not that soft moan that used to come out of his mouth every time that she kissed him.
She pulled back slowly to look at him and his lips formed a little smile and he looked down, clenching his jaw. It was a fake smile, she knew that, because she had never seen him smile so sadly.
Her body froze instantly, getting cold, a weird shiver running through her spine.
"I… I have to go" he said with weak voice. "I told my parents I'd have dinner with them tonight."
He looked at her and she nodded. He cleared his throat and stood up, grabbing his book. Caroline could not help but rise too, and she was about to follow him to the door when he caressed down her arm and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
"I'll call you" he said.
Caroline tried to make visual contact with him but he was looking away all the time. She stood still, seeing him leave and close the door behind him.
May
Caroline looked intently at the photo that she was holding. It was the one that she had found in Redmond. She stared at that woman that looked exactly like her for a few seconds, her gaze blank.
"Everything okay?" Alex said.
Caroline got startled and put the photo between the pages of a book. She closed her locker and looked at her with a smile.
"Yeah, fine."
"Are you sure? You've been acting weird lately. You okay?"
Caroline looked at her friend in silence, wondering if it would be a good idea to tell her about all the things that confused her and that she did not understand.
"I'm okay, really."
Alex nodded and pointed at her.
"Cheerleader practice?"
"Yes, do you want to come?"
"Doesn't Stefan usually go with you?" Alex asked as they started walking down the hall.
"Uh, yeah" Caroline put her hair in a bun. "I think he's in the library, doing some task or project with his classmates. You know, the end of the year is coming, so."
Alex looked at her from the corner of her eye and Caroline cleared her throat. She slowed down at seeing something in the upper shelf of one of the glass cabinets of the high school.
Her heart raced and she held her breath in her throat, staying still. Alex stopped a little more ahead of her, frowning at her.
"Care?"
Caroline's eyes widened, sensing a cold feeling running through her body.
Caroline sipped her drink and looked at the glass cabinet where the photos of the cheerleaders and the team, the won trophies and the medals, and samples of the uniforms were.
"Um, who's that sexy blonde dressed as cheerleader in that picture?" a voice asked behind her. Caroline smiled and rolled her eyes before looking over her shoulder.
"Her name is Caroline" she said to Stefan.
"So you know her!" he exclaimed.
"Oh, yeah."
"And do you think you could introducer her to me, someday? I'd like to meet her."
"For what, if I may ask?" she said, raising her eyebrows.
"You know, to ask her on a date, to have dinner…" he said, wrapping her waist with his arms from behind and resting his chin on her shoulder. Caroline laughed and lifted her arm to bury her fingers in his hair.
"You're so silly" she said, laughing.
She swallowed hard, her throat dry, staring at her replica posing and smiling in that picture, wearing a similar cheerleader uniform. It would be considered normal if it was not for the fact that Stefan's mom was posing in the picture too.
Caroline put a hand against her chest, trying to calm down, but her heart was beating very fast. Not only because of the photo, but because of the glimpse that her mind had just created. What was it? Something made up by her imagination? A memory? An hallucination?
Her pulse sped up fast and she started to feel a cold sweat on her skin. Her eyesight went blurry and the last thing she heard was the echo of Alex's voice calling her name as she fainted and fell to the ground.
"Caroline, hey" Alex shook her shoulders as people started to crowd together around them. "Please, can someone go and ask for help? Someone go look for the nurse!"
A guy got running to do what Alex told him while she tried to wipe the cold sweat of Caroline's face. Stefan was leaving the library in that moment, chatting with their friends, when one of his mates elbowed him.
"Isn't that Caroline, Stefan?"
Stefan followed the direction of his friend's eyes and he saw her lying on the floor with Alex knelt next to her. He ran off towards them, pushing people out of his way, and bent down next to Caroline, taking her face in his hands.
"What happened?" he asked, staring at Caroline with a worried face.
"I… I don't know" Alex shrugged. "I just…"
The nurse appeared with two boys that were pulling a pallet. Stefan took Caroline in his arms and placed her on the pallet carefully. He could not stop staring at her, worried, about to lose his nerve.
"Okay, let's take her to the nurse's office" the nurse said to the boys. Stefan showed signs of following her and the nurse stopped him by putting a hand against his chest. "Sorry, I'd let you come but it goes against the rules. I'll let you know when you can see her."
"But-"
"I'll let you know" she repeated before walking away.
Stefan followed Caroline with his eyes until she disappeared in the corner and he ran a hand over his face with a worried look. He swallowed and looked around, feeling helpless.
"What happened, Alex?" he asked again, turning to her.
"I, I don't know, Stefan, really" she said. "We were just talking and she stopped and looked at that glass cabinet and she… collapsed."
Stefan looked at the glass cabinet with a frown and Alex pulled her phone out.
"I'm going to go outside, get better reception and call Marien."
He nodded as she walked away, dialing the number. Stefan approached the glass cabinet and analyzed it carefully. He saw the photo of Caroline, Elena and Bonnie and he swallowed hard.
Stefan opened the door of the nurse's office 20 minutes later, right after the nurse told him that he could finally see her. Caroline was awake, still sitting on the pallet, but with her back against the wall.
"Hey" she said with a weak smile.
"Hey" he replied with a sad one. She swallowed, knowing that look. He sat on the edge of the pallet and took her hand in his. "You scared me there for a minute.
She smiled softly at him.
"I'm fine" she said. "That's what the nurse said. It was just a…" Caroline looked at him, wondering whether she should tell him or not, "moment under stress. You know, the exams and all of that."
Stefan clenched his jaw and nodded, looking down and knowing that she lying. Or at least, not telling the truth completely. Yes, her faint had been the result of being under stress, but it had not been because of the exams, but because of what she had seeing in the glass cabinet.
"Alex called Marien to tell her what had happened, and as you can imagine, she's worried" he said. She rolled her eyes helplessly. "So I'm going to drive you home. You should take a break for a couple of days, get some rest."
She looked down at their hands and watched the way he was stroking her skin with his finger.
"Okay" she said and looked up at him. The expression of his face made her stomach cringe.
"I'm gonna go get your things" he was about to rise when she grabbed his hand again and pulled him to her to press her lips against his. Stefan, however, stood still, not reacting.
She pulled back and looked at him, a little scared. He gave her that fake, sad little smile of his again.
"I'll be right back" he said, releasing her hand.
Caroline watched him leave and then stared blankly at the door. She tried to swallow the lump in her throat but the feeling did not go away.
Stefan closed the door of his bedroom behind him, a backpack hanging from his shoulder, squeezing Caroline's engagement ring inside his hand. Damon appeared at the end of the hall after climbing the stairs.
"Hey, feel like playing darts?" he said with a grin.
"Uh…" Stefan looked away and averted his eyes. Damon saw the backpack and squinted at him.
"Going somewhere? Another road trip with blondie?"
Stefan clenched his jaw and looked at the floor in silence. Damon's realization hit the expression of his face.
"Where the hell do you think you're going, Stefan?" Damon asked harshly.
"She doesn't remember me" he said with a straight and motionless face. "She… She doesn't know anything" he did not want to do this again, especially not with Damon.
Damon gaped at him, unable to believe what he was hearing. He looked intently at him.
Caroline sobbed and uncovered her face, wiping her cheeks with her hands. She shook her head and swallowed.
"He doesn't remember me" she said, feeling the tears in her cheeks again. "He… He's forgotten me" she covered her face again, not knowing what else she should do or say. She wished she was not crying in front of Damon, but this was too much to take.
Damon gaped at her. He looked around, feeling lost.
"That… Valerie had to make it permanent" Damon gritted. "I'm going to kill her. I'm going to…"
Damon closed his mouth at seeing that Caroline could not stop sobbing, her shoulders shaking. He huffed in frustration and put, after hesitating a bit, one hand on her shoulder to soothe her.
"We'll find a solution, we'll fix this" he said, not very convinced. Caroline sniffed, raised her head and shook it, without looking at him.
"I have to go" she said weakly.
"What?"
"I can't be here, I…" Caroline put her hair behind her ear with a shaking hand. "I can't do this."
Caroline walked past him to head to the stairs but Damon grabbed her arm. Caroline closed her eyes patiently.
"Damon, please" she begged.
"You said you wouldn't give up on him. You said you'd help him remember."
Caroline stared at the ground for some seconds. She was not sobbing anymore, but tears could not stop falling from her eyes, silently. She looked up at him and Damon was able to see the same look she had had for months after Stefan left.
"Are you really doing this?" Damon asked. "After everything, after-"
"What don't you understand, Damon?" Stefan replied with a harsh tone as well, looking at him. Damon closed his mouth.
"We'll find a solution, we'll fix it" he said.
"How, Damon? How are we supposed to-"
"I told you, you should just-"
"I'm not going to reveal the truth to her, and I'm not going to force her to put that ring on just because I want her to. Don't you get it? I can't force Caroline to do something against her will."
"It's not her choice, Stefan!"
"Maybe it's not, because she doesn't know there's a choice. But it's not fair to impose an old life to her when she forgot about such life years ago. She has a new life, and I don't have any right to ignore that life. She's happy, she-"
"She's happy because she's with you, you idiot."
"I can't lie to her, Damon! It's like I'm taking advantage of her!"
They exchanged a look in silence and then Damon looked down. Stefan sighed and walked past him but Damon grabbed his arm.
"Stefan" he said. "Don't, don't do this again" Damon looked into his eyes and Stefan clenched his jaw. "You can't give up now."
"She deserves better than me" Stefan gritted his teeth. "She deserves to be happy, she doesn't deserve to be lied."
"Listen to me" Damon grabbed his shoulders. "At first I thought your story was repeating itself, you two meeting and all of that. But now I know why Caroline and you came back, okay?" Damon raised his eyebrows at him and Stefan looked down. "It's not because the story had to happen again, you two came back to change it this time. And if you do this again, if you leave her, you'll be doing exactly the same thing you did years ago."
Stefan glared at him. He was angry, mad, because he knew Damon was right and saying what he also thought. He was mad at his brother too, though, because he did not understand that he had no choice. It was not fair to Caroline.
"I can't lie to her" Stefan repeated. "And I can't be with her, at least until she's ready or remembers something. And I've tried really hard, and she didn't."
Damon was the one to glare this time. Stefan headed to the stairs and Damon closed his fists.
"Stefan" Damon turned to him and called him one last time. Stefan swallowed and looked at him.
"I'm going to see her, say goodbye to her. I need to leave, let her live her life" he looked down. "I know this is ironic, but-"
"Hah" Damon said, knowing what his brother was about to say.
"Take care of her" Stefan said.
They looked at each other, remembering a similar situation, in another life.
"Since we're talking about irony, let me tell you something, let me tell you what I told you years ago" Damon gave a step towards him but then stopped. Stefan looked away. "If you go, if you do this, I don't think she'll forgive you this time. You get that?"
"Stefan" he said, knowing that he needed to stop him.
"Just keep an eye on her, take care of her, until she moves on" Stefan said, looking away from the picture with a sparkle in his eyes.
"Stefan, if you go, if you leave her" Damon said, giving another step forward. "I don't know if she'll be able to forgive you if you come back, someday. You understand that?"
Stefan looked up at his brother with an exhausted face.
"I know" he said before walking away, leaving the door open, and Damon alone.
Stefan looked up at him.
"You know my answer already, Damon."
The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and will be. Maybe we've lived a thousand lives before this one and in each of them we've found each other. And maybe each time, we've been forced apart for the same reasons. That means that this goodbye is both a goodbye for the past ten thousand years and a prelude to what will come.
Nicholas Sparks.
She practically ran towards the door when she heard the bell ring. Caroline opened it and looked at him, standing there with a backpack in his shoulder. Her smile vanished slowly and he stared at the shirt she was wearing, it was the one he had given to her not only years ago, but also a month ago. He hated himself.
Caroline knew something was wrong, because he just stood still and lowered his gaze.
"Hey" she said, trying to smile. "I've been calling you, I…"
"Yeah, I know" he said weakly. "I've been busy, sorry."
Caroline swallowed, realizing that Stefan was trying very hard not to make visual contact with her again. He opened his hand and showed her the ring for a second before handing it to her. She took it, confused.
"I think you should have it" he said. Caroline looked into his eyes.
"Why?"
He opened his mouth to say something, but he remained silent. Caroline gave him a questioning look.
"Stefan?" she asked in a whisper. "Are you…" she cleared her throat. "Are you going somewhere?" she pointed at the backpack.
He looked away to avoid her gaze.
"Stefan?" she repeated.
"There's something I have to do, I don't know for how long I'll be away, so…"
And those words and the fact that he was giving her the ring back were enough for her to understand that he was leaving her.
"Stefan, please" she begged, giving a step forward and cupping his neck with her hand. She could not let him leave. She had a feeling this was her fault. He looked away. "Let's talk about it. What's wrong? We were fine, we-"
"It's not your fault" he said, pulling her hand away gently. "It's-"
"It's not you, it's me?" Caroline asked with disdain. She started to tear up.
"Actually, yes" he said. "There are some things going on and I need a break."
She looked at him, shocked.
"Well, okay" she cleared her throat and tried to contain the tears in her eyes. "You want to leave. I'll go with you, then."
Stefan looked at her in silence for a few seconds, a lump forming in his throat.
"You can't come."
"But, why?" she asked with a sad and weak laugh. "We've left before. We went to New York and to Redmond together, we-"
"Caroline, I don't want you to come with me."
She closed her mouth at hearing that, her heart beating very fast, her hands getting cold and shaking.
"It's better this way."
His words seemed distant, like an echo. She could hear the beat of her own heart in her ears.
"You're leaving, breaking up with me, and you say that it's better this day?" she asked incredulously. A tear fell down her cheek and Stefan held his breath in his throat at seeing her cry.
"I'm sorry, I…"
"I don't believe you, Stefan" she sobbed. "Please, just talk to me. Don't this, I can fix it, I'm sure I can fix it."
Caroline cupped his neck again and Stefan tensed.
"I'm sorry" he repeated, moving away from her slightly.
"Stefan" she said with shaky, imploring voice.
He shook his head, looking down. She could not help but burst into tears in front of him and Stefan felt as if someone had kicked his stomach. He wanted to reach her cheek and wipe her tears, stroke her skin and hug her tightly. He wanted to stop restraining his own tears and emotions. He wanted to tell her how sorry he was. He wanted her to hate him.
"I hate you" she managed to say, shrinking. Stefan froze. "I hate you, I wish I had never met you."
Stefan took a step towards her involuntarily, his eyes teary.
"I hate you" she shoved his shoulder, crying. He tried to grab her wrists, do something, but he kept hitting his chest. "I hope you never come back."
She pushed him, one last time, out of the hall, sobbing and crying nonstop, and she closed the door in his face. Caroline turned around to lean her back against the door as she fell to the ground slowly, covering her face with her hands.
Stefan stood still in front of the door for several minutes, his hands closed in fists, and his own faced soaked with his tears.