All the usual disclaimers are in place, I don't own the rights, to the fifty shades trilogy or the music and films in this short fan fiction story, and as I am dyslexic, please do not read if you are a grammar aficionado, I am not great at sentence structuring...
No Trolls please just friendly imps and fairies crossing my bridge for this one, long may it continue lol... THANK YOU XXX
Putting Down Roots:
Chapter Ten: Down by the river:
Ana's POV:
As I tell Christian of my troubled past, ha troubled? It was more like two years of stalking hell, up until then my life was a lazy hazy care free existence, filled with laughter, love and joy. It ruined what was supposed to be a great time in my life and both scarred and scared me. It ruined what should have been a great time in my life, going out into the great unknown and on to life in university. It made me doubt myself on so many levels, had I led him on, had I been the easy girl he seemed to think I was, did I deserve all he doled out, did I deserve having his death on my conscience, had me being too nice done this to me? Until I met Kate I had so many self doubts, so many insecurities and with her help, she brought me out of my shell like existence, she saved me from four more years of hell, she was my saviour. Christian, he seemed to take it well...
"So Christian, that's me in a nut shell, well the thing that makes me doubt strangers, which is stupid too because he was in college with me for two whole years, so was hardly a stranger, but he kept that dark side of himself hidden. As I suspect you kept yours hidden? When did you come out of the BDSM closet then? Obviously, it's just recently, because it is still raw and you find talking about it hard, that much I can see with my own eyes."
"Ana, do you really want to know everything?"
"Only if you want to tell me things, it's not a Quid Pro Quo thing, you only have to share if you want to. I mean they do say a trouble shared is a trouble halved. I tend to believe though a trouble shared is a helpful way of clearing away the crap and the shit that bogs you down and drags you deeper into the quagmire of self loathing. Christian, I have been there and got the tee shirt so I do know that without telling Kate everything that happened to me at college, I wouldn't have been able to move on."
"Ana, I want to start by saying once I tell you everything, there is no going back?"
"What, as in if you tell me something nasty you think I will think less of you and need to run away and leave you, nothing you have told me so far has made me want to run away screaming and I am not made that way, so relax, talk, spill the kink and tell me the warts and all. So, with that said, talk to me and tell me."
"Where should I start?"
"Well your adoption, the easy stuff?"
"Easy, shit Ana, the BDSM life I led is easier than that to explain?"
"Okay then, leave that, for now start with how you got into the life style and when."
"Crap..."
"Christian, we could just leave it and continue doing this getting to know each other slowly, if that is too much for you to tell me?"
"No, I just don't want you to hate me." He is troubled and doesn't trust too easily, that's his problem.
"Okay, let's start off with why you came here."
"It's all one in the same reason, but yes I will start at the end and work backwards, sort of? Ana before we do, will you kiss me please?"
Hu, okay then this is either the last kiss I get or the start of the more I want from him. I lean over and took his head in my hands and kissed him like it was the last time I would ever kiss the man I was falling so quickly for. As I did, he pulled me onto his lap and we kissed, devoured was a better word for it, if his kisses did this to me what would the more be like. Good god this man can kiss. His tongue entered my mouth and I swear it was like my mouth was filled with popping candy and the explosions hurt my mouth in a wondrous way, hurt was the wrong word, no they blew open my senses, like a ticking time bomb, the pathways to my head and sex were now exploding, this was different to the sloppy kisses I got from Eric, this was passionate, this was out of this world fantastic. I returned the kisses and as my tongue joined his, we both made very erotic groans and it did funny things to my inner me, she had fainted and I didn't give a flying frig, as long as this continued. Alas, he pulled away... God my lips feel abandoned and brain now wants more and let's not go there, I smile with just how my lady garden has suddenly become wet...
"Wow, Pretty Woman was right it is personal. Ana promise me you will listen."
"Hu, what, okay, can I just say wow too. The other kisses were nice that was..."
"...Pretty great, in fact they were pretty awesome. Now I know what I will be missing if..."
"...If, what I leave, it can't be as bad as what you are thinking Christian? I know you liked kinky rough sex and I know it wasn't rough it was consensual. So why are you here?"
"Okay. Two weeks ago at my mother's home, she was having a family dinner with a few of her closest friends too, it was her birthday and as ever my father had made the drinks stronger than necessary, to dull the pain, he hates some of Mom's friends, however, I had not been drinking as I had to be in New York the following morning to sign a major business deal." I shook because the chill in the air was taking hold. He held me closer and rubbed my arms gently, umm thank you night air... "Well I was making a call in my mother's lounge, away from prying ears, when Elena, my mother's oldest friend walked in very drunk and began touching my chest." He shook.
"Are you cold? Your barn is just up the way there, why don't we go there or go back to mine?"I ask.
"We could go back to mine, I will send Elliot for our father, they were hitting the scotch pretty hard the pair of them?"
"Okay, come on then, your place." He called his father and explained we were heading to his place and that he would come for him after we had talked or Elliot had we not finished. All was good at home, they had hit the second bottle and were still discussing reruns of their favourite games and we were not to worry they had yet to get to fishing tales, apparently, we were all good. Our fathers were drunk. We continued to talk on the way there.
"Ana, Elena knew I had issues with being touched, especially on my chest." What?
"I touch your chest all the time Christian, I am so sorry, is that why you stepped back?"
"At first yes, then as you did it more it didn't seem to hurt like it did before. I have scars and the touching issues, they are the first part of the tale of Christian the child. She, Elena was the one who introduced me to the BDSM life style, when I was younger."
"You had a thing with an older woman; shit every young man's fantasy, she was your Mrs Robinson then?"
"What, who is this Mrs Robinson?" Really, he had never heard of that movie. I need to educate him, though I hardly doubt he needs it.
"The Graduate, a risqué sort of film in the late sixties, no you don't know the one? Okay let me explain the damned film, it's a must watch on Net-Flix for you. So it's about a grad student played by Dustin Hoffman. After a successful stint away at an eastern college, the twenty-one year old Benjamin Braddock, Hoffman, returns to his parents' Los Angeles home a graduate. Although the world should be his oyster, Ben is instead in a state of extreme anxiety, as he has no idea what to do with his life, which is made all the more difficult since everybody asks him what he plans on doing or tells him what he should do.
In his confused state, during which he would rather be alone to wallow in self-pity, he is easy prey for the aggressive Mrs. Robinson, she is played by Anne Bancroft, the wife of his father's business partner, whom he has known all his life. She sets about seduces him, after he thinks about and then eventually succumbing to her advances, they embark on a rather seedy affair, which only adds to his anxiety and confusion, as they hide what they're doing from the rest of the world. He was seduced by the older woman into doing her bidding, there you have it Mrs Robinson, is your Elena."
"She is not my Elena, she... She... She..."
"She preyed on you and took advantage of a, how old were you when she stuck her talons into you?"
"Fifteen..."
"Fuck..."
"Yeah, so I was pretty much a head case to begin with, the no touch issues were not easily understood at high school and the girls, well after a few were shoved on their butts, when they tried to grope, they left me alone. So, I was a tensed up ball of sexual frustration and as you so rightly put it jacking off wasn't enough for the sex crazed fourteen year old Christian Grey, but I craved the release it brought, it calmed me down for a while. Then after a while of masturbating, I got needier for the more intimate things of things, unfortunately, I couldn't do it, because they touched me. So, after drinking and fighting my way through the next few months, my mother decided after yet more doctors tried to handle me, that hard work and doing menial work would cure me of the need to fight and be an all-round bastard.
Mom, sent me to help Mr Lincoln and his wife, they were new-ish to the area and were having a pool put in, so Mom and she decided that clearing the rubble would be beneficial to us both. I went after school the first day, where I found her in the garden, she was sun bathing, and yep I got a boner watching her, she had unbeknownst to me all ready started on the seduction of one Christian Grey. She brought me a drink of iced tea because the sun was hot and as I drank it, she grabbed my dick. Which had exploded twice just watching her. Do you need to know everything Ana?"
"If you want to tell me then yeah, though I can guess where it's going, I watched the damned film... You just lived it dear..." I kissed his cheek as we arrived at his gates. "Let's get a drink and get warm, if that's okay?"
"Your daddy says you don't drink Miss Steele!"
"I do occasionally, but that's another story, of my very tame past compared to yours." We walked into his beautiful house and Booty went mad.
"Let me empty the puppy and you make us a drink, I am easy if you want wine, which I will need or there is tea in the cupboard. The wine is in the cooler, Ana please help yourself, I won't be long."
"I will have a glass with you, put a jacket on the night air is getting chillier."
"Okay Baby."
He took the pup to the back garden, as I found the wine glasses, then the wine cooler. Crapfess, it was a whole wall type of fridge thing, okay which wine do I grab? I look at the gap and take the bottle next to it, this he has a few of, so I presume he likes this? It has a nice label, crap I know nothing about wine, this is a 2008 Pouilly-Fumé. I uncork it and pour it into the very nice glasses, taking it to the comfy couches. I find the remote for the television or I thought it was. It turned out to be for the sound system. I scroll through the play list and wow, he has eclectic tastes. I see a playlist marked 'Leila' and then I wonder who she was or is, by the look of her playlist a preppy high school kid, is my bet. Britney Spears, Kesha, Beyoncé and Bruno Mars, okay Kings of Leon; perhaps she is a college girl?
I settle on the classic selection and sip the wine, god this is good. I look around the place and wonder who did the decorating, it looks straight out of a home and garden catalogue, sort of impersonal, but nice I guess? It's all good quality and seems to fit with what little I do know of Mr Grey. After tonight, I guess I will know more? I'd taken of my shoes at the door, so I tucked my legs up on the couch and used a throw to snuggle into. As I sipped the wine, the door opened and Christian came back. Booty made a beeline for me and jumped on my comfy throw. Damn, it was full of muddy foot prints.
"Christian, that's what you have a mud room for, wipe her off in there you tool..."
"Tool, what the hell..."
"Okay idiot then, here Booty let's get you clean and dry. Daddy is a tool..." He laughed as she rolled around like, well a puppy, a puppy now fighting to get out of the throw.
"Ana, I can do that. I was doing that but she needed to get to you and well I forgot to shut the mud room door, sorry you are full of muddy paw prints, I have your clothes here from your sleep over. They didn't suffer too much from their many goes in the washing machine."
"Great, I will help get her clean and then me, your wine is there. Don't worry, Christian this is all part and parcel of being a vet. I've put some music on, I hope you didn't mind?"
"No, there is plenty to choose from..."
"So I noticed, the Leila mix is very preppy, not your taste I would have thought?" Shit his eyes seem angry, shit I had pried into his own private stuff, you moron Anastasia.
"She was yes very preppy, and yes she was an ex submissive, I promised not to lie to you and I won't. I will remove them, it was an oversight on my part. I'm sorry Ana."
"What for having a past? Don't take them off because of me they are just songs. Here, one dry and very cute puppy, you are so lucky living here Booty. Why did you call her Booty?"
"Elliot reckons her four fur paws and ankles have boots on them? We thought they were white when we got her home, but she had either paint or plaster on them."
"Paint, I know who she belonged too. The painters who were hired to paint the vacant shop fronts, to attract renters in, they left around the same time as you arrived, half assed robbers ran out on the job. I saw her tied to their van when I passed through, not much of a guard dog where you Booty?"
"So she is mine to keep then?"
"Yes, all yours, here throw this on top of the washer and I will just grab my clothes where are they?"
"In my room, you know where that is..." He winked as I threw the throw at him.
"Be right back."
"I'll be waiting because we have more tales to tell." I ran to his room and smiled the bed was unmade, so very unlike him to be messy. He had my pillow on his side of the bed. Did I really say my pillow and his side of the bed? I changed and headed back after I made his bed. Dumping all the clothes in the washer I set it going and went to sit back besides him.
"So, where were we?" He asks, like he doesn't know?
"You were about to explain what she did when she grabbed you." Booty was asleep and he hauled me over to his lap and sort of turned, so we were lay snuggled together on the couch.
"This is better, do you mind Ana?"
"No, I actually don't as it happens." I snuggle into him. "Continue, with the seduction of the teenager Christian, at the hands of the older woman who should have kept her paedo hands to herself."
"It was a two way thing Ana, I had a raging temper and hard on all the fucking time. When she gave me the drink she looked me in the eye, undid my jeans and well did what you did to the fucking goat." I cringed. "It wasn't anything like me doing it, it was fucking amazing. I went to kiss her and she slapped me. I went to hit her back, when she pulled my dick so hard I thought she had pulled it right off and it was in her hand. She then left me unfinished, I was stood in her yard, with the boner as big as a fucking babies arm and sore. She told me to take my trousers off and walk with her. Of course I followed her to her study. I was naked and following her like a puppy. I was ordered to stand against the wall facing away from her and I did, if it meant she touched my dick again, I'd have sat my bare ass on a fire pit."
"I highly doubt that..."
"Don't, I have done worse Ana, believe me a lot worse. Anyway, she spent a lot of time touching my buttocks and slapping me every time I moved. It did things to me that I had never felt before, it angered me, yet it calmed me. I followed her instructions, because she said I would be rewarded if I followed them precisely and fuck me did I want the reward. After about an hour of her slapping and stroking my dick, she stripped off and her body was amazing, it was perfect, she told me to lie on the floor and she then fucked my brains out." I felt sick, angry and jealous because she took his virginity. She stole that moment away from someone more deserving.
"Wow, so were, you, I mean was she..."
"...My first, yes and it was amazing Ana, she didn't touch me she didn't let me talk, she just took control."
"You didn't get on top of her, she did the sexing?"
"Yes why?"
"She raped you."
"No I wanted it Ana. I needed it, believe me that was what I needed at the time."
"At the time I guess it was like all your Christmases had come at once, you were a child and she whether you wanted it or not didn't have the experience she had, she used you and you were too fucking grateful to her to realise it?"
"Yeah pretty much, Ana I know it was wrong now, but then I was so fucked up. Mom said the same thing when she walked in on me in the lounge about to hit her best friend with my belt, that's when they found out when she told them all about our affair, she actually called it an affair and I spilled everything in anger, I raged at the whore for upsetting my mother, it was then I realised speaking to my whole family what she had done, what we had done was wrong, so I do know it was wrong now, but back then I was naive and hornie."
"And she just fucked with you more, but I can see how you would think it helped you, she I presume, rewarded good behaviour with a fuck and bad behaviour with a spanking?"
"Pretty much you nailed it on the head. My grades improved, my parents were happy and as long as I continued to behave, I got to have sex with Elena."
"So, she was still in your life until a few weeks ago, I mean up until Lounge Gate?"
"Ana, please this is serious don't make me laugh. Yes, she was the one who helped out, when I dropped out of Harvard, she loaned me the money to start GEH. I paid her back within the first year and we remained friends."
"Was she your run to fuck buddy then?"
"No Anastasia," opps, I had pissed him off I got the Sunday name there,"I stopped having that type of relationship with her when I was twenty one."
"So you 'dated' her for five years, how did that work, a quick fuck and fondle after you did your homework. Where was her husband?"
"He was about, but they led different lives, then one day he saw me being fucked by her and he beat the crap out of both me and her, after which I agreed not to press charges along with Elena, if he paid her off and left her the house and a good settlement. I was only seventeen and he could have done some serious jail time, he'd put me in hospital, Elena too."
"I'm sorry, but did you not think, you I guess didn't think with your brain back then, that fucking his wife was cause for him to lose it with the pair of you? Cheating is just that, whether you were a kid or not, you knew you were poking another man's wife and she knew what you were doing was wrong, how screwed up where you both Christian?"
"At that time I was more screwed up than her, she was the Domme in the game, and I was the submissive. After that she built her own playroom in her basement, and then it got a whole lot darker and involved more pain than you could ever imagined, but I was hooked, I took everything she did, because I needed it. She introduced me to her world right there in her home. Before then it was just the slapping, caning, whipping and fucking. When she had a safe place to teach me, she did."
"Teach you, oh hell she could hardly take an under aged child to a club could she?"
"No, but that is where I was taught to please her, in every way shape and form. She was and is very good at being the dominant, people she train go on to better things, as I hoped I would. She promised to teach me, but she didn't. Then one day I flipped, she had a party and she allowed other guests to use me and they didn't have her knowledge of the no go areas, they broke me that night. When she released me, after the day was over, I fucking beat her like they had done me, that was the last time I was ever her submissive, but then she enjoyed the beating and the hard long fuck she got from me, after that she then trained me as she promised to be the best Dominant I could be." He fucked her, I felt jealous and that was not what I should be feeling.
"What, you stopped with her, why?"
"It was all I knew back then. Ana I told you I was screwed up and had issues, and that the touching caused all the anger in me."
"Christian, look at where I have my hands. Look, am I hurting you?"
"No, Ana, no you are not and I know your hands are there I feel them, they comfort me in a way that I have never had before."
"Your mother, did she not touch you like this?"
"No Baby, she didn't, she never had until the night my family found out what a sick fuck up I was."
"Poor Grace, how she must have yearned to hug you. I love my father's hugs and I still crave my dead mother's touch and have to make do with the memory of them. Christian, can I ask why am I allowed to touch you?"
"I don't know if you are allowed to touch me Miss Steele, you just did. I just know when I had you in my arms that night, you weren't going to hurt me and somehow I knew that. When I stopped with you, you and I ended up as we did, with you hugging my chest it was different and it was so nice that I stopped there for an age. Waiting for the pain and the rage to start and when it didn't I went to sleep, knowing I could be touched in a loving way by a stranger. Had I been able to do that back in high school god knows where I would have been. I would like to think not where I ended up, but she had made a pass at Elliot too, he saw her for what she was, a desperate housewife needing her kicks, I took it for what it was, a touch free fuck."
"Ouch that sounds harsh. So why still be friends with her after all she did to you?"
"It made good business sense, as I made my millions I just couldn't go to a club and use their services for risk of being blackmailed. So, with Elena's help I paid her to find me girls who knew what they were doing and what they wanted. I had them sign NDA's and contracted them to a lengthy contract, outlining their hard and soft limits, what I expected of them and what they would get from me, as your friend did at university."
"So Leila, she was a submissive, yes?"
"Yes."
"How many have you contracted?"
"Fifteen Ana, I have had fifteen women live the weekends at my home and service my needs."
"So, you don't class them as a prostitute or an escort, but you did buy their time from them, so what's the difference?"
"Not a lot to you I guess, but they were not paid in cash, their needs were covered by me, I covered their bills and their healthcare and provided transport clothes and an education or training, in whatever field they wanted, they gave me what I wanted and in return they got me."
"So, no money, but they had their needs covered, you paid them Christian to have sex with you and no matter how you sugar coat it, they sold you their time and their bodies for trinkets and things. It is what it is, Christian, you say patatoes and I say potatoes. Why did you need her to find them for you?"
"She knows my tastes, they are very singular."
"As in, she knew your type?"
"Yes Anastasia as in my type." He can't even look at me, why is that?
"Now I have pissed you off, I got the Sunday name again. Listen, just because we can't agree on that, what you call non payment, it doesn't mean we have to fall out over this. Stop with the grumpy face and Sunday name calling."
"Okay, so do we need more wine Ana?" Shit we had drank the bottle already and I was too comfy to move.
"No, I'm good, you have some more I am not a big drinker as you witnessed."
"You said, I think you need to tell me more about you Ana, it's that old thing called Quid Pro Quo!"
"I was nearly a victim of date rape. Someone slipped a roofie in my beer at university, a guy dropped two beers off at my table and I accepted the first one, as luck had it I wasn't feeling the need to drink the second bottle. I was so woozy after the first and made my way to the toilets, that is where Kate and Wendy, the pet I told you about, found me in the ladies toilets passed out and the object of the other girls hilarity. Well they took me home and when they couldn't wake me in the morning, they called Dad.
He came took me to the hospital, they and he had me tested, and luckily it was still in my system and was easily identified as a Ketamine based drug, had they used more in the beer or had I had the second beer I would have been a goner. I was lucky Kate had been sober and was the designated driver or I may have been well date raped. Thankfully, all was intact and nothing happened. Two other girls weren't as lucky they were raped and badly beaten and left in the forest where they were found by walkers later the next day and there but for the grace of god, go or should I say went I?"
"Shit, so you only get drunk in company you trust?"
"Yep, but I try not to get drunk at all if possible. So are we all talked out?"
"For now, what do you want to do now?"
"Nothing I like it here."
"Here in my home or here in my arms?"
"Both, well that was a get to know you conversation and a half, can I ask you about the fifteen, do you still see them and if not, why not Christian?"
"You may ask, I finished their contracts, either they were no longer fulfilling the need or I bored with them and they weren't what I needed. Three or four others wanted more than I was able to offer and wanted to offer them."
"The three or four fell in love with you and you don't do hearts and flowers romance?"
"Yes, yes Ana they wanted more."
"More, I like that word more. You do want to try the more with me though or am I totally barking up the wrong tree?"
"No, you are barking up the right tree, but after tonight is that what you want?" He asks me and I have to think for like a nano second.
"I think so, but I don't know I have never done this before either." I honestly reply.
"What, you mean the hearts and flowers thing Ana?" I have never had anything other than a kiss, should I tell him that, no, because that will frighten him away.
"No this love thing or the hearts and flowers thing is all new to me too."
"As in you have never had a boyfriend, what about Eric, whatever his name was?"
"Eric Walsh, and no all he wanted was to be in my panties but no nobody has been there Christian."
"Ana, do you mean what I think you mean?" I was about to answer when Elliot rolled in with Carrick and Adam was in tow.
"Ha, caught you at it little Sis, do I have to beat you up Grey?" Adam laughed as Christian and I sat up quickly.
"No, and what would you beat him up for talking, having wine and shock and awe Adam Steele, cuddling. Grow up. Thanks for tonight Christian, it was informative. Will I see you tomorrow?" I looked at his shocked face, the V card threw him...
"Yes Ana, come here after work, you know the code, let yourself in and here's a key." He handed me the key from his key chain and walked me to the door. I smiled at the two other Greys and as we got to the porch Christian, grabbed my arm.
"Ana, were you telling me you are a virgin?"
"I was, so do you want your key back?"
"No, I was just so stunned I mean I am stunned, especially with all I have discussed with you and you know nothing of what I was telling you."
"Correct, and that is a problem because?"
"It's not, but I mean how have you managed to keep yourself so..."
"Virginal? Perhaps because until now I have never wanted to cash it in..."
"Ana, do I take it that you do now...?"
"Yes... Goodnight Christian, sweet dreams." I kissed him on the cheek and went to get in Adam's truck. He was stood there waiting for me and as we drove home, I knew the question would be asked...
"So, little sister, is he the one?" This twin thing is a killer, because he knows me better than I know myself.
"Yep, I think he is..." I think he is what I have waited for all my life but, and this is the crux, am I enough for him?
So should they continue the slow and steady or take the next step?
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