I Can't Be
Chapter 10
Aria
Three Weeks Later…
Aria sat patiently in her OB/GYN office as a nervous rush gripped her insides. She hugged her middle and took a few deep long breaths to clear her fuzzy head. She was an hour early for her appointment. She had taken off from work. She was doing that a lot lately. She was lucky if she didn't lose her job. That wasn't an option. She enjoyed teaching.
She closed her eyes as a tidal wave of nausea overcame her. She sucked on her bottom lip and fought it down. She was sick of vomiting. She didn't know what was wrong with her. She didn't know the flu could last this long. It wasn't possible. Something else was the matter with her. She just couldn't figure it out.
She knew she was under a lot of stress as of late. She was always tired and she couldn't stop craving applesauce and animal cookies. It was an odd combination, but she liked it. She also liked pretzels and oranges for some reason too. She was becoming a weirdo. She clamped a hand over her mouth before bursts of laughter erupted from her throat. She had never had these types of cravings before. What was wrong with her, and why couldn't she figure it out? She was hopeless.
Aria leaned her head back against the wall and crossed her legs. She wasn't alert today. It was something about the small doctor's office that made her comfortable. All the women doctors and nurses were nice. She uncrossed her legs and got up to use the bathroom again. It was like the third time she had to go. She eyed the big fish aquarium that sat in the middle of the office. It was stocked with all kinds of fish.
She didn't know why Dr. Stevens wanted to see her so urgently. It couldn't be that bad, could it? She prayed not. She was literarily the most unluckiest person in the world. Nothing good ever came her way. She didn't know why Dr. Stevens couldn't have told her the results over the phone. It would have saved her a trip. She started to think the worse and berated herself for it. Oh god, was it cervical cancer? Please, don't be it, she said inside her head.
Aria watched as two small children came in with their very pregnant mother. The woman looked extremely tired but she smiled at Aria, then she walked her children over to the small play area, before heading up to the front desk to check in. Aria watched on as the excited children played amongst themselves. They didn't fight but played well together. Aria beamed as they began talking in their childlike language. She had always wanted children. To be surrounded by little ones of her own. Too bad that wasn't in the cards for her. Detective Wilden had seen to it.
Aria pulled her eyes away and focused on the magazine opened on her lap. She flipped through the pages, not seeing anything of interest to her. She didn't care enough about cooking, or about cosmetics. She tossed the magazine down and picked up another one. It kept her occupied until it was time for her to go back to see her doctor.
She greeted the tall mocha colored woman warmly and took a seat opposite the desk. Her big bright brown eyes traveled around the beautifully furnished office. Dr. Stevens had an entire wall filled up with degrees. Aria was happy to know the woman had credentials. She had come highly recommended. Aria was glad she had come to Anne Stevens. The African American woman was very pleasant to be around. She knew all of Aria's medical history, including the rape.
"How are you Aria?" Dr. Stevens asked in a smooth voice as her dark gaze looked Aria over. "I hope you can understand why I wanted to discuss your results in person".
Aria sat up straighter and folded her hands over her knee.
"To be honest, I've been feeling weird for the past few weeks". Aria didn't leave anything out as she told Dr. Stevens more. "And I understand perfectly".
Dr. Stevens nodded once, before flipping open Aria's medical folder.
"What kind of things have you been experiencing?" Dr. Stevens asked as she glanced down and sift through the many papers in Aria's personal folder. "It would help if I knew everything".
Aria understood.
"I've been feeling nauseous, tired and had some dizzy spells, and been having odd cravings," Aria said, not leaving anything out. She wanted to know what was wrong with her. "Does any of this have to do with my results?"
Dr. Stevens made a few notes in Aria's folder before looking back up at her.
"Aria I don't know how to tell you this, but you're pregnant," Dr. Stevens delivered in a steady voice. "That's what your test showed. And that is why I wanted to speak with you in person".
Aria felt as though the wind had been knocked out of her. She shook her head rigorously. She couldn't be pregnant. She couldn't get pregnant. Her doctor back in Englewood had said so. Her chances of having children had been dashed when detective Wilden had chosen to rape her. She didn't believe it, but she didn't think Dr. Stevens would lie about something so serious. Was she really pregnant? That meant god hadn't given up on her.
Tears pricked Aria's eyes and she couldn't hold them back. She hugged her flat belly tightly, fiercely. There was a small life inside her, a life she had helped to create. So many emotions ate away at her. She didn't know what to feel. It was unbelievable. How could she be pregnant when she was told she would never be able to have kids? She can't be pregnant.
Dr. Stevens didn't interrupt Aria. She allowed her this moment. Aria cried harder as hot tears fell down her face. She was going to be a mother. She would have a child of her own. God hadn't forsaken her. She was carrying a miracle baby. How was it even possible? She felt deliriously happy as she brushed the tears away.
She already loved the little being inside her. She wanted it so much. Her heart hurt just thinking about it. This was her baby. She was going to have a son or daughter. She didn't care which. She would love it all the same. She sent a silent prayer up to god.
"I know this is a shock to you, but you don't have to decide right now on what to do," Dr. Stevens told her. "There are plenty of other options available if you choose not to keep it".
What was she saying?
"No, I want my baby," Aria said, her voice thick with emotion. "Just tell me what I need to do".
Dr. Stevens nodded and smiled.
"I want to start you on prenatal pills as soon as possible," Dr. Stevens said as she filled out a prescription slip, and then she gave it to Aria. "Now, let's discuss the risks and what you can expect in the months to come".
Aria tired her best to listen to what Dr. Stevens was saying, but she couldn't get over the fact was she pregnant. She was going to have a baby. Would she make a good mother? She had never had a mother. Would she be able to give it what it needed? Was she really ready for this? Could she really do it? She had so many questions and no one to answer them. She would just have to play it by ear. She hugged the baby inside her again. A thought pierced her brain, how would she tell Mr. Fitz that he was going to be a father? She couldn't keep it from him. He had to know. This was his baby too.
Can you believe that she's pregnant? What is Ezra going to think? For some reason I don't think he's going to be thrill about it lol. Please review and let me know your thoughts? I'll be updating again sooner than you think : ).