Jim nervously stepped up on the small platform at the front of the room, in front of his crew. It was a small comfort to have Spock and Bones there as well. All last evening and all morning, McCoy had pestered Jim, asking if he really thought this was necessary, and did he really want to do this. Each time, Jim calmly told McCoy he owed it to the crew to be honest.
"Good afternoon everyone," Jim nodded. "At ease, please take your seats." After everyone sat, Jim launched into the meeting.
"I am sorry to pull everyone from your work, but I promise to try to keep this meeting short. There is much news to cover since our last all hands meeting. First of all, as you know, we have two weeks of shore leave on Risa coming up. Mr. Spock and I have worked out a rotation schedule allowing each of you one week of uninterrupted leave. That schedule will be posted by 0800 tomorrow. Personal requests have been honored, within reason, based on seniority. Please enjoy this time off and, as I always say, don't do anything I wouldn't do." Jim gave Christine a wink.
The crew chuckled lightly and fell silent again.
"Before shore leave however, we will being traveling to Bajor. A new member to the Federation. They've requested our presence to attempt to deter the Cardassian interest in their planet. We will be in orbit for a week and two away teams will go down to the surface to discuss possible resistance tactics and training should Starfleet not always be present."
Jim glanced at his padd to make sure he was covering everything he wanted to.
"Next, I would like to formal congratulate Lieutenant Kevin Riley, Lieutenant Lex Gonzalez, and Ensign Admon Eduardo Tavares Silva on your commendations over the past six months. Your hard work, innovative thinking and examples of leadership are traits Starfleet takes very seriously and you may take pride in. Please stand and be recognized."
The three crewmen stood and received a warm round of applause.
"We must also continue to remember the memory of those lost in the last six months, Ensign Walter Clements and Lieutenant Brenda Nicholson." Jim paused for a moment of silence.
When he looked up again, Jim nervously licked his lips and plunged ahead.
"Now, on to some important business. As your captain, it is my moral obligation to tell you why we were delayed on Starbase 2. I made one of the biggest mistakes any person could make. I chased off anyone who tried to warn me or care for me. I thought I could be strong and stand on my own. I thought I was so clever. After a while though, I couldn't even stand the face I saw when I looked in the mirror. I turned to drugs for courage, and it only turned me into a coward."
Jim stared at the wall at the far end of the room. He couldn't bring himself to meet the eyes of his shocked crew.
"I've learned a lot in the last three weeks, and even more in the past twenty hours. What I've learned is that willpower, friendship and forgiveness are three of the most valuable things in this quadrant. It doesn't matter what discoveries we make or how fast we race across the quadrant, the most profound things are not necessarily things."
"These ideals are within us, all of us, and we…I …can't be afraid to look to others or within myself for help. I can't be afraid to expose myself and my failures. I can't afford that luxury. There is no room for fear in space."
The crew started talking loudly amongst themselves. Jim, feeling a wave of nausea over take his already nervous state he'd had all afternoon, stumbled back to his seat, head in hands. Spock put a tender hand on Jim's shoulder and Jim waved McCoy's tricorder aside causing McCoy to sigh impatiently.
"Hey!" McCoy jumped up, yelling to the crew. "Listen to me." He ordered, and the crew fell silent again.
"In either walk of life, civilian or officer, there is a margin of error and it is miniscule. All it takes is one misstep, one second too slow or too fast to cross that line. That line that we have to walk is all around us, all the time, everywhere. We have work as a team, we have help each other see those lines and help each other stay on the right side because we know that when we cross that line someone will be there to help us back over. That's going to make the fucking difference between winning and losing, between living and dying. The ones who are willing to die are the ones that will walk that line by their friends' side. I know that I would fight, that I would die for that privilege."
McCoy's arm shot out like an arrow, pointing at Jim as he continued his rant. "You see before you a man, albeit an imperfect man, but a man who is willing to sacrifice himself for his team, to walk that line and pull others back over as he has numerous times before, because he knows that when it comes down to it, you're gonna do the same for him. That's a team ladies and gentlemen. That's a team that Starfleet believes we are. Look at the people you're sitting next to and you tell me, is Starfleet right? Are we a team that will walk the line together?"
In a flash, Scotty was on his feet, saluting McCoy. Uhura, Chekov, Sulu, Kevin and Christine quickly followed suit. Before McCoy knew it, the whole room was on their feet at attention. He turned back to look where Jim was sitting and saw Spock helping a dumbfounded Jim to his feet.
Jim slowly came to stand next to McCoy, with Spock by his other side. "Thank you all for your support. It means so much to me," Jim's voice shook a little. "At ease."
"To answer the questions I know you all have, I will explain what's been going on. For the last three weeks, prior to Starbase 2, I was on medical leave, getting clean. It hasn't been an easy journey by any stretch of the imagination, but I have had the help and support of some very special people." Jim threw a grateful smile to McCoy who smiled back. Jim then turned to look his crew in the eyes, with newfound strength.
"Upon arrival at Starbase 2 however I had every intention of resigning as your captain. I'd thought you all deserved a better captain, a stronger one. Admiral Pike, the only person outside of this crew who knows about all of this, helped me see that we all make mistakes and that we shouldn't allow those mistakes to stop us. We have to learn from them, and move on." Jim felt his voice gaining a bit more strength and took half a step forward.
"Right now, I would like to simply apologize to all of you. I have not been living up to the standards of a Starfleet captain, but it is my goal to earn your trust and support again. If that is not acceptable, I will completely understand, and other arrangements can be made as was the case for one former crewmember for whom I wish much success to as he takes on his new role on the USS Columbus. If you have any other questions or concerns, please feel free to come and talk to me. I am more than willing to talk about any of this. That is all for now. Dismissed."
The crew was slow to leave, and the rest of the senior staff hurried up to the stage. Uhura promptly threw her arms around Jim and whispered in his ear, "I'm so glad you're back."
Jim smiled and gave her a slight squeeze. "So am I."
"Have you contacted your step father yet?" Spock asked formally.
"I called him last night," Jim nodded. "He was disappointed to lose me as a mechanic, but was happy for me getting the help I need."
"How are ye feeling Captain?" Scotty asked tentatively.
"I'm feeling really good Scotty, thanks for asking." Jim grinned. "Some days are better than others, but today has been pretty good."
"Yeah, ummm Captain," Uhura started as sternly as she could muster.
"Yes Lieutenant?" Jim teased, matching her formality.
"It's been brought to my attention that you know about the case of vintage wine my brother sent me."
"This is true," Jim smirked seeing Uhura squirm slightly.
"It isn't that much, and I know we're not supposed to have liquor in our quarters, and…"
Jim quickly cut her off, seeing her start to blush profusely. "Uhura, it's fine. There are very few secrets on this ship…Scotty's still in engineering, Bones' bottle of bourbon in his desk drawer, Sulu's impressive selection of Sake...I haven't quite found it yet, but I wouldn't be surprised to find a bottle of Stoli or Pshenichnaya in Chekov's sock drawer."
"Keptin, I'd never," Chekov exclaimed drawing a laugh from the others. Realizing the joke, Chekov decided to play along. "Notzing but Putinka for me." He stated proudly, causing the others to laugh harder.
"Aye, weel, speaking of engineering," Scotty chuckled.
"Of course Mr. Scott," Spock nodded, his eyes twinkling slightly. "We wouldn't want to detain you any longer than necessary."
With a nod, he hurried off, followed by Sulu and Chekov to finish out their shifts.
"I am going to go wrap some things up in sickbay," McCoy explained as the others started towards the turbo lift. "1600 hours Jim."
"Yes sir," Jim gave a mock salute.
"Such a child," McCoy muttered as he went down the corridor towards his office and the other three stepped on the turbo lift.
"It's weird," Jim mused when the lift started moving.
"What is sir?" Uhura asked.
"I thought I was happy before, but now I see happiness in a whole new way that I never realized was possible." Jim chuckled when the doors to the bridge slid open and Lieutenant Olsen stood at attention, releasing the comm.
Jim, Spock and Uhura stood at the back of the bridge for a second. 'When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door, that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.' Jim thought to himself. With a satisfied nod, Jim stepped down and after a quick smile to Olsen, he took his seat.
A/N: I have to thank Al Pacino for some help/inspiration with some Jim and McCoy's speeches. Things are going better so there will probably be fewer updates. The story isn't over yet, but I wanted to let you all know. I want to thank everyone who has been reading this story.