Some of you might have noticed that I have started editing 'Metempsychosis'. I have done my best to correct all of my mistakes and hopefully this story is now as good as it can be without me rewriting the whole thing.
Apparently, deleting a chapter shows up as an update. I am truly sorry if anyone was happy about this or the previous supposed update. Chapter one and two as well as ten and eleven have been put together, that's why I needed to delete some things.
Anyway, I haven't really changed anything when it comes to the plot. There are a few more sentences describing Rei's death, but the rest were just some grammatical or spelling mistakes, so you don't really have to read the whole story anew.
nariai
So, I've published two new stories. One of the is SI!femSkull into KHR! and the other will be a collection of oneshots from the same fandom. Check them out!
I have to warn you that I actually haven't planned for this chapter to end up like that. It was meant to be longer, so I hope that it doesn't seem too rushed.
Please leave a review.
Summary: About three things I was absolutely positive. First, I was screwed. Second, I somehow got reborn as the twin sister of Kaneki Ken. And third, the world was wrong. Self-Insert
Enjoy.
Chapter 10
Set In Stone
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Where Time Did Not Stand Still
"One of the greatest tragedies in life is to lose your own sense of self and accept the version of you that is expected by everyone else."
― K.L. Toth
Coffee was the only human nutrient ghouls could enjoy. Many wondered why that was, but none had found the answer yet.
The beverage tasted just as bitter as I remembered, though I did like it more than I used to. In my previous life I had tasted coffee only a handful of times and always with copious amounts of sugar and milk.
Here, where I had only three drinks to choose from—water, blood and black coffee—any reluctance I might have felt due to the memories of my previous life changed into a wide-eyed eagerness to finally try something that did not possess the lingering taste of blood.
And it turned out that although the coffee Mother bought for us wasn't the best drink in the entire world, it was still something I could appreciate. Perhaps I would find a better brand in the future, but for now the one Mother preferred would be good enough for us.
The way a ghouls body worked was quite curious. We could not stomach anything but human flesh and coffee. I could easily admit that if I had the chance, then I would have chosen tea as the only beverage I could drink in this new life—Alcohol did not sound all that bad either just about now, but I did not wish to become an alcoholic.—so I was a little upset due to the fact that there wasn't even an explanation for this phenomenon.
I also doubted that anyone was truly researching something like that. Most ghouls were illiterate and human scientists were busy, searching for new ways to kill and eradicate my kind.
Maybe it was naive of me to think like this, but I truly did not understand why no one even wanted to find a peaceful resolution for the conflict between humans and ghouls. They all just preferred slaughtering each other until one kind became extinct.
Considering the fact that there were way more humans in the world than ghouls, I had no doubts about how this situation would end some day if nothing changed.
Like everything else in the world, the humans would destroy us.
(When had I stopped seeing myself as one of them?)
And when that finally happened, they would find another group they could direct their hate on. It was a sad cycle that would probably never end.
Ken and I, we stood with one foot in each world, always there and yet never truly a part of either of them. But I did have to admit that if I had to choose, then I would say I was a ghoul.
A few years ago such a thought would have been completely inconceivable to me, but times had changed... I had changed.
(...Eight years in this world did not leave me without scars...
...
...there was a hate in me that had not always been there... some days it seemed to be the only thing driving me forward...
...
...Oftentimes, when I was at my own mother's mercy, a certain viciousness seemed to take a hold of my heart, squeezing it until...
...until I felt like...
...
...murdering her.)
Accepting that one of my deepest and darkest desires just happened to be committing matricide wasn't something easily done.
Especially because I did love my mother.
Loving someone shouldn't have felt like rubbing salt into a fresh wound, however, it was the way I loved Kaneki Akemi. She was the one person I feared the most in this world as well as the only adult I could trust.
In her own way, Akemi loved the both of us as well, of that I was sure.
I had to be, otherwise, I would have given up a long time ago and let my more instinctual side take over. It would have been incredibly easy to let the itch in my lower back develop into something more. A kagune similar to that of my father could have easily put an end to Mother's reign of terror.
At the beginning, the images of my mother's blood on my hands and her sweet flesh inside my mouth had filled me with an immeasurable guilt. And yet, those feelings of self-loathing and regret seemed to lessen with each wound inflicted upon Ken's or my body.
As the years passed I was forced to realize that this woman wasn't just my mother anymore, but also one of the biggest monsters I had ever met.
(...That would change very soon. In this world there were monsters far worse than Kaneki Akemi...
...
...and one day I would end up being one of them...)
Unfortunately, that did not erase the memory of her gentle touches and reassuring words. No matter what she did, I could never forget the sacrifices she had made for both of her children and the fate she now suffered because of us.
Despite all she had done, Kaneki Akemi would always be our mother.
She would always be the woman who gave birth to me, took care of me, showed me affection with the simplest of actions and most importantly gifted me with my sweet brother.
''Rei?'' Whispered Ken softly as he grabbed my slightly torn sleeve. ''You're wasting the blood.''
My gaze immediately focused on the blood trailing down his left arm towards his wrist and finally pooling on the palm of his hand. Mother had another one of her tantrums that day and I hadn't fully managed to shield Ken. He had a deep gash on his upper-arm that was slowly leaking blood.
In the last few years we had both learned that food was not to be wasted, be it human or ghoul. As Mother did not give us enough to eat, we had to find other ways.
Each time one of us was too grievously injured, the relatively healthy one would donate some blood. At first I had not wanted to feed on my own twin, but I quickly learned that there was no other way. If I did not take those few sips of blood in some situation, this second life of mine might have already ended.
Besides, if one of us was already bleeding, there couldn't be anything truly wrong about not wanting to squander our precious life liquid.
Our healing rate suffered due to malnutrition and I needed the blood to repair my two broken fingers.
Lowering my head, I closed my eyes and gently put my lips on the palm of his hand. The liquid was still warm and tasted more heavenly than anything I had ever eaten before. Veins appeared under my eye and I slowly worked my way up to the actual wound. As my fingers healed I found comfort in the fact that I still felt... disgusted with myself.
If there was one person in this world that I never wanted to consider as food, then it certainly was Kaneki Ken.
(...for us there was no purer form of cannibalism...
...
...by eating each other we were committing an unforgivable act, but it wasn't as if we had another choice...
...and the truth was that no matter whom we ate, due to our halfbreed nature we were always practicing cannibalism...)
That, of course, did not stop me from enjoying my special meal.
When regular meals were non-existent, one tended to enjoy anything one got. And my brother, no matter how much I hated myself for admitting it, tasted delicious.
Moreover, if I was going to pay for something with my own sanity, then I might as well enjoy it at least a little bit.
I never thought that that my first murder victim would end up being my aunt.
(...though murder might have been a too nice word...
...
...slaughter was the more fitting term...)
When she appeared at our home for first time, asking our mother for money, I was too weary and frightened to even think about protesting. I just stood there, hidden by the small closet in our hallway, and watched the foreign woman plead for money.
Asaoka Makoto looked remarkably similar to our mother. They shared their coloring and some facial features, the only differences being the shape of their noses and length of their hair.
It was hard to judge which sister was the most cruel one. Was it Akemi, who in the darkness of her own home stole her children's childhood, or Makoto, the woman that would indirectly kill her own sister for a few yen?
At the end, I did not care enough to find out.
I just silently observed their exchange from my hiding spot and contemplated how long it would take Mother to off herself.
A year or two, she would not last longer.
Despite having just acknowledged that Akemi would most likely die before our tenth birthday, I felt completely numb. Perhaps, once upon a time, I might have wanted to save her. Nowadays, I did not even think about doing something so foolish.
As I could not save us from our mother, she would have to do it herself.
(...it would be the ultimate proof of her love for us...)
After that first visit, seeing our aunt became almost a weekly occurrence. She would appear in the early morning or very late in the evening, always demanding more money. It was inevitable that Akemi had to find another job.
The few hours she spent at home became even sparser and our stomachs emptier with each passing month. I had severely underestimated her dedication to Makoto or mayhap it was just her desire to avoid us at all cost. While our newest situation had the benefit of less beatings, it also introduced us to a completely new form of torture.
Starvation.
All of a sudden, we were forced to taste what not receiving any food for longer periods of time truly meant. Our stomachs knotted themselves together and our bodies lost all of their strength. With each week that passed without a meal, we became a little more tired.
Mother, bless her damned soul, decided to take some pity on us when she noticed that our ribs were slowly becoming visible.
Sometimes, I wondered how she managed to survive in a house with two starved ghoul children. More often than not, I considered it to be a heinous miracle.
Our life continued this way for two years. Practically imprisoned in our home, Ken and I watched the world through the television and when even that was taken from us due to unpaid bills, we found some freedom inside of books. Father had his private library in our apartment and I was grateful for that.
Had it not been for all those novels, then I might have actually gone insane.
Frankly, I probably already was.
During those two years Mother's tantrums became rarer―Even she was tired from our current lifestyle.―and our ribs and bones more pronounced. It was impossible to tell which years of our childhood had been worse. Those before or after our aunt came into our life, both were a possibility.
But by time I found our mother dead in the living room, I could not even force myself to care anymore. I just closed the door of what had once been our nursery and silently padded into the room Mother's lifeless body was occupying. Then I sat down next to her corpse and contemplated what to do next.
If I did not take care of the body soon, its decaying smell would attract the neighbor's attention.
There was also my twin to consider. What would I tell him? Okaa-san is in heaven now?
(...what a joke...)
I could not expect a ten years old boy to comprehend the severity of our situation. Kaneki Akemi was dead and that meant that we now had no adult caretaker. Unlike the fictional Kaneki, we could not live with our aunt. Not only because she was a psychotic bitch and pathological liar, but also because we were not human.
Makoto would most likely call the CCG the moment she found out the truth about us.
For a second I considered finding Anteiku, however, I quickly gave up on that. Considering our current location, we would have to pass through at least three if not four wards to get there. Due to our sheltered life, I wouldn't even know how to begin such a journey. Which wards would be safer for us? Those with a high ghoul population or CCG influence?
And as if all that wasn't enough, I had no idea whether Anteiku even existed in this world or when it would be opened. Traveling such a long distance without a proper reason that would provide us with a secure home would be foolish.
What obligation did the manager have to us?
The pitter-patter of Ken's small feet alerted me to his presence. Immediately, I bolted upright and sprinted out of the living room, closing its door behind me. Leaning my body heavily against it, I sighed loudly.
There was a hesitant pause in my brother's steps. Then he opened the door of our room and greeted me with a cautious smile.
''Did something happen?''