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I am not your savior
I'm just a friend keeping you alive
And eye sight proves that you're haunted
The same way that you speak all the time

''It's perfect,'' Hayley smiled, hands on her hips as she stood in the middle of the gym looking around.

Steve was by her side, his arms folded as a satisfied grin spread across his face. It had taken them two hours to set everything up the way they wanted, but it was finally done. There was a couch in the middle, a small table over to the side where a mini refrigerator was set up and a locker for them to store all of their gym necessities that they usually brought in a bag. It was simple and minimal, but that was all they needed.

''It does liven the place up,'' he nodded.

''I doubt any other gym provides a personal mini fridge,'' Hayley joked. ''Well, gym slash dusty old room with a boxing ring and a few pieces of equipment,''

''Still haven't gotten into contact with who owns this place?'' he asked.

Hayley shrugged and walked over to their new couch, throwing herself down on it comfortably. Although all they had done that day was move furniture instead of working out, she felt exhausted.

''It's been abandoned for too long, if someone cared enough to own it they'd do something with it like we are,'' she explained. ''Anyway, what's on the agenda today?''

Steve reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny notepad that Hayley had been adding things to every day, suggesting things that Steve should consider getting up to date with. However they weren't overwhelmingly difficult things, they had covered most of those. These were small things like movies or games, pop culture basically. For the past week they had been trying to work on at least two things a day, but in the end they hadn't really set a timeline to get through it all. It was a work in progress, just like they were.

"So Singapore, thats new,"

"Yeah, I'll get to cross that one off my list," Blake nodded, reaching across the table for the salt shaker. "Always wanted to visit that place, but I guess after five weeks there on mission I'll be completely over it,"

"Take my advice and stay away from this place as long as you can,"

"Well that really makes me feel like I'll be missed," Blake pouted.

Hayley grinned cheekily before focusing back on the chocolate milkshake in front of her. Spending the day with Blake was nice considering he didn't get much personal time, but after being with Steve almost everyday for the past few weeks, it was odd not having him around. Blake was in charge of checking up on both of them and since he was leaving for his own assignment tomorrow, this would be the last time Blake could see how they were doing, particularly Hayley.

He had already visited Steve that morning to let him know, but to also ask him to look out for Hayley while he was gone. Steve didn't need to be asked to take care of his friend, but he agreed nevertheless.

"It'll be weird not having you here," Hayley looked over to her friend.

Blake smiled in return, nodding.

"I know, I haven't left the country in…well a long time. But I'll always be free if you need me,"

"Blake, seriously I'll be fine, I'm not a child,"

"Hey, I'm just saying if you ever need me for anything, just call me on the number I gave you,"

Hayley sighed before nodding in agreement, finishing off her milkshake and folding her arms on the table. It had been a long time since Blake was far away from her. Even with how stubborn she was, Blake was always there when she needed him. They didn't need to be related by blood for her to consider him a brother. He was looking out for her the same way Nick would have, which explained why they always clashed and argued when he became too protective. It was only five weeks, but she was going to miss him a lot.

"Oh, also while I'm away can you do me a favor?"

"Depends what the favor is," Hayley countered, her eyes narrowing with suspicion.

"When your parents call, answer them,"

Hayley groaned and pulled her hands up to run through her hair which was getting longer each day, wishing Blake wouldn't bring up this topic.

"It's complicated," she shook her head.

"No it's not. You're scared to talk to them because you think they blame you, but they don't. They just want to talk to their daughter," he told her encouragingly. "You know they've been calling me,"

Hayley's eyes locked on his.

"They've been calling you?"

"How else are they supposed to know if you're okay?"

"Wait, so you've been telling them about my life?"

"They ask me how you are, I say you're okay and that I'm looking out for you, you're coping, that's all. It's not my place to say anymore so don't get mad at me for talking to them," he threw his hands up. "You're their only child now, they deserve some contact. I know it's a big step after everything that's happened, but it might help you. I sure know it'll help them,"

Hayley stayed quiet, knowing that he was right. It was a bit step to make and she knew it would be hard, but she also knew that it had been long enough.

"I'll think about it," she reasoned.

"That's all I'm asking,'' Blake nodded. ''You never know, it might really help you,''

The next afternoon, Hayley walked up the stairs to Steve's floor with two pizzas in her hands, her stomach rumbling with hunger as the smell wafted to her senses. It was just getting dark outside and the air was becoming chilly as she made her way down the hall, glad she would be inside soon.

Steve heard the few knocks on his door before he walked over and opened it, immediately feeling the same hunger she was when he smelled the food. Hayley set the boxes down on the small table in his living room, kicking her shoes off by the door. In the past few weeks they had established a good sense of comfort around one another, making themselves at home in each other's apartment. Between this and their regular sessions at the gym, they were beginning to notice how very little time they spent apart from one another.

''If you like the movie you should really read the books,'' Hayley suggested as she bent down to insert the DVD into the player. ''I've got them all somewhere, probably still in storage,''

''So you're a big fan?'' he chuckled, sitting down on the couch.

''Oh yeah, I could probably quote the whole thing,'' she laughed, moving to grab the pizza box.

Hayley settled onto the couch next to Steve, pulling the pizza in between them as the movie menu popped up. On Steve's list of various things he'd like to catch up on, Hayley had been very insistent on him being introduced to Harry Potter, and they were finally getting to it. Steve couldn't remember the last time he had watched a movie. Every now and then he would turn on the television and watch reruns of old sitcoms or the news, but a lot of the references were lost on him. Still, he tried to educate himself as best he could.

The case Hayley made for Harry Potter was simple enough; she loved Harry Potter. But she had also made it clear that so did a majority of society, so by watching the movies and reading the books, Steve would have a vital piece of pop culture information.

''Movies have definitely improved since the last time I saw one,'' Steve commented, eyes wide as he watched the opening scene.

''This is just the beginning,'' Hayley told him excitedly.

''How many times have you seen this?'' he asked, noticing the grin on her face as she watched the screen.

''I've lost count, but it's just as good every time. Look! You're missing Dumbledore!'' she gasped, looking at the TV.

''Dumble who?'' Steve gave her a confused look.

''Just watch!''

As the movie went on, the pizza supply go lower and lower until Steve ended up throwing the empty boxes to the ground beside the couch, leaving more room for them both to pull their legs up and rest comfortably. Hayley had the left side of the couch, her arms hanging off the side behind her as she pulled her legs up to her chest and Steve was on the other side with his arm resting along the back of the couch. They were the picture of content.

Steve noticed her smiling at certain parts of the movie and he enjoyed the fact that right now she was happy. It was hard for Steve not to feel guilty over the fact Hayley had been spending all her time with him over the past few weeks, but it was moments like this that reminded him that she wasn't doing this because she had to, but because she wanted to.

About an hour later, just as the movie was drawing to an end, Hayley's phone began vibrating on the table nearby. The screen lit up with the words 'Mom & Dad' and Steve managed to see it quickly before she pulled the phone into her hands, waiting for it to ring out.

''Need to take that?'' Steve asked, lifting the remote to pause the movie.

''No,'' she shook her head. ''It's nothing,''

Not saying another word about it, she slipped the phone into her pocket and went back to watching the screen, but even Steve could see that her mind wasn't on the movie. Hayley didn't speak about her parents very often apart from the occasional mention when reliving childhood memories, and Steve remembered her telling him that she couldn't face them after what happened to her brother. It made him wonder how long it had been since she had seen them, but he didn't want to pull on that thread just now.

The movie went on for a while longer, but Hayley barely noticed. She had promised Blake that she could try and get back into contact with her parents, even if it was just a brief hello, but it was harder than she thought. It had been so long without hearing their voices, she didn't think she could handle hearing them again. But she had to. If not for her, then for Nick. Blake was right when he said she was all they had left, she couldn't ignore them any longer.

''I liked it,'' Steve announced, pulling Hayley from her thoughts.

''You did?'' she asked, sitting up. ''How much?''

''Nine out of ten,''

Hayley's jaw fell open.

''Only a nine?''

''What do you mean only? On a scale of 10, nine is fantastic!''

''Not as fantastic as a ten,'' she shook her head. ''Disappointing,''

Steve laughed at her, stretching his legs out off the couch and looking out his window. It was almost 8.00 pm and the sun was completely gone, his apartment filled with darkness. Hayley let out a long sigh from beside him, her head leaning back to rest on the couch as she crossed her legs in front of her.

''Hey Steve?''

''Yeah?'' her turned to her, his head lazily leaning back like hers.

"Do you ever wish you could be somewhere else?" she asked in a quiet voice. "Not another city or another country but just somewhere…else,"

Steve thought for a moment, understanding what she was asking. She was clearly thinking about something a lot more complicated than just going somewhere else.

"Sometimes," he answered honestly.

"What about restarting? If there was a way you could restart your life, or just start a new one with none of this, would you do it?"

Their eyes locked in the dark room as her question hung in the air. Steve had thought about that many times since waking up. Starting a new life, forgetting that he had lost so many people, sleeping without the nightmares and the memories, living in peace. However as carefree and appealing as that all sounded to him, he knew that if he had the option he wouldn't take it.

"No," he shook his head, still looking over to her.

"Why not?"

"Because if I got the chance to restart my life, I'd end up doing it all the same anyway," he shrugged. "I'd be right back here,"

Hayley smiled over to him, admiring how accepting he was of his fate, no matter how heartbreaking it was.

"What about you?" he asked.

"I don't know," she told him with a deep breath. "Sometimes I wish I could do everything differently, change how things turned out,"

"If you did that you wouldn't be the person you are now,"

"I don't want to be the person I am now, that's just it,"

Steve frowned, moving so that he could give her leg a nudge.

"You should be proud of who you are,"

Hayley scoffed lightly, shaking her head in denial. As far as she could see, there was nothing to be proud of. She had dodged a bullet that ended up killing her brother, she wasn't talking to her parents and she turned to alcohol when things got hard. It was pathetic.

"You don't know the kind of person I am," she shook her head. "I'm not good,"

"You signed up and fought to protect your country and put your life on the line for others. To me, that's a good person. You're punishing yourself for something that wasn't your fault, but even when you're struggling, you keep going," he told her.

"Steve-"

"No, listen to me," he silenced her, surprising both of them with his voice. "I saw you that night, I saw you at your lowest and worst and watched you cry, and the next day you kept going. You don't realize how much you're pushing back against everything that comes your way and everything you've been through. You can't see how strong you are,"

Hayley felt her chest tighten, holding back any tears that threatened to make an appearance due to his kind words. Steve was the strongest person she knew, and here he was calling her the strong one. He had gone through much more than she had and she was the one receiving encouragement. It didn't seem right. But Steve needed her to know that.

"If you don't like the person you are then that's sad, because I like who you are," he finished.

Smiling over to him, Hayley folded her arms and leaned into the side of the couch, her legs sprawling out far enough that her toes touched Steve's calf.

"I like who you are," she told him, hating that she couldn't find the right words.

"So we both like each other, but not ourselves," he summed up.

Hayley chuckled lightly.

"We really are screwed up,"

Their words soon died down to whispers as they talked about what they would do if they had another life, joking mostly, until they both became silent. Their eyes were closed and their breathing became deeper, both of them slowly slipping away to unconsciousness. Steve's hand had dropped down from the back of the couch to rest on Hayley's foot which had crept up onto his lap as she sunk down into the cushions. With only the sound of cars driving down below on the streets coming through the crack in Steve's window, they both fell into a slumber that would end up being the most peaceful and restful night's sleep they'd had in a long time.

Hayley sat at her kitchen counter the next night, staring at her phone. She had spent the whole day at the gym with Steve working out and having breaks in between to introduce him to some modern music. It was entertaining to watch his reaction to a few of the songs she had chosen which happened to be the top ten hits of the year, all upbeat and electronic. It was much different to the music he remembered.

She had also told him she was trying to get back into SHIELD's training facilities, hopefully meeting with Coulson sometime in the next few weeks. Steve had worried that her mind was still on getting back to the field, but she assured him that she knew that wasn't realistic right now, but she still didn't want to give up on it.

Right now though, her mind was on something else she knew she had to face. Her parents had been calling her every week for months, trying desperately to get in contact with her. Being in a SHIELD facility prevented them from knowing where she was and since Hayley didn't answer their calls, they knew nothing about her life anymore. It wasn't that Hayley didn't miss them or that she didn't care, it was just too painful. However she couldn't hold back anymore. If she wanted to move on, she had to stop running from this.

Her hands shook as she reached for her phone, scrolling down to her parents number and pressing the green call button, her heart racing as she lifted it to her ear. The ringing continued as she breathed heavily, wondering if they were going to answer. Maybe they had given up on trying to get through to her, maybe now it was them who didn't want to talk.

''Hello?''

Hayley froze, her mouth hanging open slightly as she heard her mother's voice. It was so gentle and calming, so peaceful. Her mother repeated the greeting once more with a questioning tone, reminding Hayley that she had yet to say anything.

''Hi mom,'' she replied quietly, her voice coming out with a slight crack.

There was a brief pause.

''Hayley?'' she asked, shocked. ''Is that you?''

Hayley smiled, pulling her hand up to her forehead and resting it there.

''Yeah it's me mom,''

''Oh my god. Is that really you?''

''I'm sorry I haven't called in a long time,''

''You don't know how good it is to hear your voice,'' her mother cried. ''We've missed you so much,''

Hayley listened as her mother processed that it was actually her daughter on the other line, calling her father to come listen. They hadn't heard from her in so long, just her voice alone was enough to fill they with joy. Maybe Steve was right, maybe she was a good person after all. A bad person wouldn't make two people so happy by just calling, a bad person would continue ignoring them and making them worry, and she couldn't do that anymore.

"Hayley?" her father spoke, and she realized she was now on speakerphone to both her parents.

"Hey dad," she smiled. "It's nice to hear you both,"

"Sweetie, you've had us so worried," her mother continued. "Are you okay?"

"How are you holding up honey?" her father asked as well.

Hayley took a moment to consider her response. She could tell them the truth, that she wasn't sleeping properly, that she relieved that day over and over again in her head, that the thought of them and the sound of their voice made her both happy and sad at the same time, that she was only just starting to cope. Or she could lie and take that worry off their shoulders, make them believe that she was fine on her own, that she had been dealing with everything in her own way and was well.

A good person wouldn't lie to those who loved them, but a good person also spared their feelings.

"I'm doing good," Hayley told them with a convincing tone. "I've been busy,"

"We've been trying to call for the past few months, you never answered," her father pointed out, but he wasn't angry.

"I know, Elliot told me," she nodded, feeling odd about using Blake's first name. "I've been keeping myself occupied,"

"We're just glad you called," her mother spoke, her voice calm and relieved. "We've been worried about you,"

"I know mom,"

"Is everything okay?" her father asked.

Even when she was young, her dad always knew when something was off about Hayley. It was the way she spoke, it was as if he could hear it in her voice that she was hiding something. It turned out that after all these years, that still hadn't changed, even if it was over the phone.

"Yeah," Hayley nodded, bringing her hand up to rested against her forehead.

It took everything in her not to breakdown in tears. It was such a brief and simple conversation, but just hearing their voices was making her incredibly emotional. It took her right back to the day she came home after Nick's death and up until the day of his funeral. Their voices were much the same, only weaker and broken. She remembered the look in their eyes too, she would never forget that. But through all of that, she still found comfort in their voices, no matter how long she had been trying to avoid it.

Something in her told her she didn't deserve to have their comfort or their worry, not when her brother wasn't here to have the same. But she was slowly coming out of that mindset with the help of a good friend, the same friend who's voice was also in her head reminding her that she was a good person and should be proud of herself. The same friend that gave her the courage she needed to make that phone call.

*We Were Made Out Of Lightning - Right Away, Great Captain!