Chapter 10: Jar...again
When Lincoln woke up the next morning, he was a bit confused. Why was the room so pink, why was Lola there and why did it look like they had a wedding and why was Lola holding two plushies of characters from a children's show? Then he remembered. He also noticed a note on Lola's hair that said: "Liby, Lupa, and Lacy were here."
He cringed a bit, laughed by himself and left the room.
Life went on. The house expanded even more. The lookout tower that was promised to be built finally became built, making the house to be one of the most prominent landmarks in the neighborhood.
Leni and Lucy did participate in co-parent ceremony. Luna followed soon after. Adjustments were made to make those ceremonies less cringy than the one with Lola, and also to consider the age of their children.
Basement floor and the second floor was also added to the garage. The second floor of the garage was made into a greenhouse.
Albert moved in and settled inside the first floor of the garage house. Despite being in his late eighties, he was still in a good health.
Liby started wearing braces so her front teeth wouldn't grow too far apart. She also didn't like having to file her teeth from time to time to prevent them from overgrowing.
Lana helped Lisa in her sub-basement pilot program. The program consisted of digging out a tight corridor that started underneath the basement's extra bedroom and ended with a small room.
Lisa put all her efforts into researching anything that would help her to get closer to the serial breeder undetected, without causing too many explosions or spacetime anomalies. As she was not tied to any science institution, in particular, she had more liberties of what she could do. Still, most of the stuff she had invented was still proven to be too unstable. Teleporters weren't reliable enough. Wall-phase device was even more dangerous and prone to cause dimension portals. She eventually decided that primitive invisibility paint and sound dampeners had to do, as disappointingly simple as they were. Her jar-fetus-detector, while not perfect by any means, seemed sufficient enough.
About three years had passed since Leia was found from the abandoned house. It was a late autumn night. Lisa was inside Vanzilla, doing her usual survey. Readings started showing something unusual around one of the farms. She looked her jar-fetus detector and noticed eleven distinct signals. Meanwhile, her adult human detector showed no sources other than her own. Lisa decided that it was time to park the van inside a nearby forest.
She equipped a backpack, painted herself invisible, turned laser defense detectors on, alarm dampeners on and a set of sound dampeners on. When she was done, she got out of the van and slowly started walking towards the farm, making sure to not step on a grass that would give herself away. When she reached the farm, she climbed inside through a window. The readings led her to farm's kitchen and detector signal showed something underneath. She quickly found a hatch hidden under kitchen's carpet. Lisa opened the hatch and climbed down.
What Lisa found was not that surprising. It was a hidden laboratory. She was a bit disappointed on how clean and sterile it was with everything in specialized cabinets and drawers. Only a few devices were on a table. Lisa, meanwhile, preferred having tubes, flasks and beakers and other such devices filling her lab.
One very notable feature of the lab was a shelf that currently held eleven jars. The high-tech jars contained fetuses in various stages of growth. Jars were neatly labeled with names of the parents of the fetus. Most of the names were not familiar to Lisa but one of the fetuses caught her attention. The vessel with fetus in question had a note on it that said:
"Sex: F. Mother: Lana Loud. Father: Lincoln Loud."
Lisa looked at a fetus inside it. Then she looked at the extraction date and found that she was still a month away from being done. Lana would be so happy, she thought.
Lisa started opening drawers. She found a few quadcopter drones in some of them, sterilizers and baby blankets in others. Then she found a substance that smelled weird. Lisa tasted it and indeed it was the same thing she found in Liby's jar's nutrient compartment.
Lisa opened up her backpack and took out numerous cameras and microphones. She had used invisible paint on cameras and microphones as well. Lisa bugged the place up to see what happens. After she was done, she got out of the laboratory, then out from the farm and walked all the way back to Vanzilla. There, she deactivated her dampeners and detectors and washed off the invisible paint.
"Phew!" said Lisa. Only a minor spacetime curving happened that was so slight that by the time the breeder would arrive, nothing would be noticed aside from a noticeable feeling of walking downhill.
When Lisa got home, she immediately started observing the lab through the cameras. Soon, Lisa saw a scientist enter the lab. She was a middle-aged woman wearing glasses and having reddish hair. Lisa recognized the figure as Dr j. from Royal Roods Science Institute. The one who offered her a full-time job at Royal Woods Science Institute which Lisa first accepted and then declined.
"Anticlimatic."
Regulations of the science institute went much stricter shortly soon after Dr. J showed up at her doorstep although plans of regulations were planned a few years before. It's not a wonder then why Dr. J. decided to conduct her experiments in a more remote place.
Lisa observed how Dr. J approached one of the jars, emptied the waste product container, added nutrients to nutrient container and oxygen to oxygen container.
Dr. J then proceeded to open her laptop. Hardly anyone used laptops these days. Lisa saw Dr. J open up a spreadsheet database of some sort. She started to slowly scroll through the list. From left to right she saw the following: "Parent 1, Parent 2, Child, Status, DNA From, Genes modified."
Dr. J was not in a hurry and slowly browsed through her list. She was clearly feeling good about herself. Lisa looked the footage slower, stopping when necessary. She saw the "DNA from" column was filled with cell types mainly obtained from sweat, saliva, skin, and hair.
"Intelligent."
At 202nd row, the status 'Delivered' was replaced into 'In progress'. 11 pairs of names had this status as Lisa expected, one of the pairs being in Lincoln and Lana. Further names were in 'planned' stage. She saw one pair of names on the list that caught her attention.
"Parent1: Lincoln Loud. Parent2 Lisa Loud. Child: ?. Status: Planned. DNA from: Saliva/Not obtained. Genes modified: N/A"
"It's on!"
Lisa observed her being in the basement for about an hour. After looking through the remainder of the list files, Doctor J. closed her laptop. The doctor then replaced another one of the fetus' container compartments and left the basement. Lisa concluded from the 'DNA From' column that the whole thing seemed that it was more like Dr. J's passion project than actual science. Lisa also decided that it was time to take out her old research document on fetus jars that she had written shortly after Liby was born and workings of the jar Liby had been in, were inspected.
The next day, everything was kind of like usual. Liena was cooking meals for everyone as Lynn senior was at work. Lisa took some blood samples from herself and started replicating white blood cells until she got enough of what she needed. Then she went down to the pantry and brought a bag of sugar, a bottle of cooking oil, and a few vitamin and mineral tablets with her. She went to the kitchen and said:
"Liena, I have a request."
"?"
"Can you mix these ingredients plus ten eggs up for twenty American dollars?"
Liena looked at the ingredients. "What culinary nightmare is this?"
"It's a feed. For an experiment."
Liena pulled out a text card that said "What kind of an experiment?". Old habits die hard.
"A gift for Lana."
Liena sighed and took out a large blender. Lisa added all the ingredients to the mix and poured lots of water on it. Liena pressed start button until everything was mixed up. Easiest 20 bucks she made this week. Lisa put a finger inside the mixture for a taste test.
"Needs more iron. Lemy!"
Lisa ran through the dining room to Lemy's room and entered after knocking. Leny was currently playing his washboard while Lacy supported him with a cowbell. From how they sounded, Lisa came to the conclusion that they needed some serious practice.
"What's up, Lisa?"
"Sorry to interrupt but do you have some possessions that contain metal?"
"What? Metal?"
"I need just a few grams. What about your metal marbles?"
"No way!"
"20 American Dollars for three of them?"
"Yes way!"
Lemy handed Lisa marbles and took 20 dollars in return.
Lacy looked at Lemy: "Wow! Hey, Lemy! Let's buy some ice cream with all that money!"
"But it's winter!"
"I'll piggyback you!"
"Ok then!"
When Lemy and Lacy started getting ready, Lisa returned to the kitchen. She waited until Liena looked away, proceeded to add marbles into the mix and blended the whole thing again. Lisa then turned towards Liena.
"Liena, can you taste the sample."
Liena tasted it.
"Blyeeh!" and she spat it out.
"So far so good."
Lisa took the mixture and carried it to the third floor. "Luan, can you taste a sample?"
Luan tasted it and said. "Meh. Only really good for 'pie in a face' prank.
Finally, Lisa carried the mixture to a garage.
"Grandfather, can you taste this...experimental meal?"
"Alright, Lisa."
Albert tasted it.
"Mmmm! Can I have more?"
"No. I just needed calibration. Liena disapproved, Luan found it bland and you gave positive feedback, just as predicted."
Finally, Lisa carried the concoction to the tiny sub-basement room. She'd be needing that in the following days, she concluded.
When the night arrived, Lisa drove off with Vanzilla again, this time with a luggage module. She stationed herself near the farm and waited for Dr. J to arrive. She indeed did arrive and enter the farm. Lisa waited until she came into view of her planted cameras. After that, she called the police.
"Michigan State police."
"Hello. This is Lisa Loud. It's about the serial breeder."
"Lisa Loud? Name's familiar. You became the target family of a serial breeder as well?"
"Not yet. However, I found an individual responsible for the infants bred in captivity."
There was clear excitement on the other side of a phone. "You mean, you've found the serial breeder?"
"Affirmative. The culprit is one of the more prominent figures of Royal Woods Science Institute."
Lisa then proceeded to give the information about the breeder, including her current position.
"So the case is finally solved?"
SWAT team arrived in ten minutes. In those days it was a rare sight to see police in 'normal' uniform. One of the policemen asked:
"So this is Lisa Loud?"
"Correct."
"Is the suspect armed?"
"From what information I gathered, negative. Shall I stay here or leave the area?"
Police told her to stay away from the farm just in case but still keep contact. Then they silently approached the farm. When they arrived, the house alarm was activated. Lisa told them where the secret hatch was while checking the camera footage. Police found and opened it and went down. There they found the doctor herself who was sitting on a chair with her head down, sighing.
"Don't move!"
Dr. J. didn't move. Police pinned her down and handcuffed her. They started their usual arrest procedures. Dr. J. didn't really resist and 'voluntarily' went out of the lab, then out of the farm and finally, she entered the police van.
Lisa was in still contact with the police who eventually gave her permission to enter the lab again. Lisa was quick to respond the permission. Police had taken their attention to the fetuses and asked Lisa:
"So, what are we going to do with the fetuses?"
"I shall be taking one. As a present to my sister."
"Present?"
"Ah. One of my members of a sibling unit can't wait to achieve motherhood with her brother being the other parent."
"With her brother? Does she want to have a deformed offspring?"
Lisa replied: "Dr. J has proven to be a capable breeder after her initial failures. Also, can I see Dr. J's laptop? She has a database of doorstep babies."
After some more talking, police handed Lisa the laptop. Through some hacking, they finally accessed her computer and then the database of names. Lisa started browsing the spreadsheet. She clicked some of the names of children. On top of the list were the oldest children with no gene modifications. Loan was there as well. Detailed information also contained the methods from how she delivered these babies to her victims.
Then came the first people with modified genes. She clicked the row that had Lincoln's and Leni's name on it. After looking through the details, she concluded.
"Looks like she made some embarrassing errors in here. For an example, I would have replaced that A-T-G-G-T part with A-C-G-G-A and the end product would have had no speech impediments."
Next, she scrolled down to the Lincoln's and Lana's name to see modified genes. After seeing the genes and how they were altered Lisa concluded:
"Lizy will be fine! Requesting permission to obtain my double niece."
After a short discussion, they gave her permission. Lisa took her siblings' unborn daughter with her while taking photos with the rest of the fetuses. Afterward, remaining ten jars were taken to Royal Woods Science Institute, waiting for the decision of their parents.
Lisa returned home with the jar inside a luggage module. She had wrapped it inside a blanket found in that farm, put that blanket inside a box, and driven very slowly to make sure that Lizy wouldn't get hurt. Once she arrived home and parked the van, she grabbed the box and entered the house through the backyard door.
The door to the basement was currently closed. Lisa knew what it meant. She put down the box and opened the door. A small amount of black smoke emerged. Lupa was sitting on the stairs, inhaling coal box smoke. She finished up the coal and blew the last set of smoke rings.
"Hi, Lis."
"Hello!"
"Whatcha carrying now?"
"Present for Lizy...I mean...Lana!" Lisa realized her mistake.
"Looks like you spilled your beans! It's an unborn child, right?"
"Correct. Just don't tell Lana yet. She'll know within a few hours."
"Can I watch you carrying it downstairs? I really want you to see you dropping the baby. What would Lana say?"
"You have sadistic tendencies."
"Do you need any more help carrying?"
Lisa jumped as Lucy, who had popped up behind Lisa, asking that question. She dropped the box but Lupa was quick to react and catch it.
"I thought you said you wanted to see the Lizy being dropped!"
"I was kidding. I'm not that evil. Besides, live Lizy can cause more chaos than aborted Lizy."
"Lizy? So Lana is another unfortunate soul?" asked Lucy.
"Fortunate soul. For Lana at least! Another abomination in the house!" corrected Lupa.
They entered the extra bedroom. Lucy and Lupa helped Lisa to squeeze the box down the hatch and into the small sub-basement room via a tight corridor.
"You'll have the honor to take an early look at our newest member of the offspring unit."
Lisa opened the box and removed the blanket around the jar.
"A frail new life, almost killed by my unexpected appearance."
"Cool! What happens if I break it?"
"You would be helping to make a small coffin with me."
"For her or me?"
"Depends on how Lana would respond," said Lisa.
"That reminds me. I have yet to make dual coffins for the young ones."
Lisa then responded: "By the way, Lizy is not ready to be extracted yet as you can see on the date. Anyway, thank you for your assistance! Now the scientist needs her hour to observe this experiment."
When Lupa and her mother climbed out of the sub-basement, they encountered Lincoln.
"Seems that night owls are awake. What are you up to?"
"Our daughter just saved an experiment from being ruined."
"What experiment?"
"Here's a hint: It's not Lisa's experiment. Hey, dad! Let me show you.!"
While Lucy went to her room, Lupa took Lincoln's hand and dragged her into the sub-basement room where Lisa had just fallen asleep. Lincoln looked at the fetus.
Lincoln whispered. "Hi, Lis! So...that's my daughter?" Lupa nodded in response.
"Hi! Indeed it is!"
"She's...small."
"She's not ready yet." responded Lisa.
"When is..." Lincoln looked at the names and dates on a jar..."Oh. A month."
After looking at Lizy for a few moments, they left.
"See you soon, you two" said Lincoln as they left the room and emerged.
"By the way, how did you save this experiment?"
Lupa told her about how Lucy's sudden appearance would have almost ended badly.
"Good job, Lupa!". Lincoln patted Lupa's head. It was one of the rare times Lupa genuinely smiled. "Hopefully Lucy won't drown in self-guilt."
Lupa and Lucy went to their rooms.
Early in the morning, Lisa knocked at Lana's bedroom door. Lana was currently awake.
"Come in! How's yer day?"
"Lana, I have some news for you. The serial breeder has been caught!"
"Wait? What? Really? But...I haven't had a child yet…" Lana became sad.
"I would like you to observe something."
Lisa took out her phone and showed Lana a picture of ten jars with fetuses laying on a shelf in a secret lab. Lana's mood went up again.
"Is one of them for me? Come on! Please be! Please, please, please!" asked Lana hopefully.
"No."
"Does that mean that...I...never get a..." She couldn't finish the sentence before she started crying.
"Follow me downstairs. Or by more correct definition, down the ladder."
They entered the extra bedroom with a trail of tears behind Lana. Lisa opened the hatch and they descended down to a sub-basement again. They squeezed through the tight corridor and made it to the small room.
"There she is." She showed her the jar with a note and more importantly, her unborn daughter.
Lana's tears stopped. "Is this really Lizy?"
"Affirmative. Be good to her!"
Lana couldn't be happier. "Finally! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you so, so much!".
She hugged Lisa.
"I...need...to...breathe!"
Then Lana let go and tried to hug the fetus container before she realized that this might not have been the best idea.
A few hours later, most of the family was eating breakfast in the dining room. Liena and Lynn sr had made a meal from previous day's dinner leftovers. Rita was reading the news as the first news articles about the incident started to appear online.
"Caught! Prolific scientist arrested for serial breeding. More than two hundred people bred. List of victim includes a family with eleven siblings…wait? She's caught? That's right, children! That criminal is finally caught!"
"Really? Finally!"
Rita proceeded to read the article to others and arrived at the part that described how Dr. J. was arrested.
Lyra looked at Lisa. "Wait? You helped to catch her?"
Lisa nodded!
"Did you turn Dr. J into a human double helix?"
Lisa shook her head.
"You should have! I hope she literally rots in prison! I have suffered Loan's company long…" Lori stopped.
"So I'm...not wanted in here?" Loan went nervous again.
"That's not what I meant!"
Lacy spoke: "Should that Dr. J be rewarded instead? You know? Murderers get a prison time so should doing the opposite be awarded with free time?"
Meanwhile, Liby was a bit disappointed. "No foreshadowing, no climax, no nothing! This would make a terrible mystery novel. Dr. J just appeared out of...nowhere and was arrested as quickly as she appeared!"
Rita responded. "Listen, Liby. Life isn't a mystery novel. Things aren't always that exciting in real life."
"You're implying that serial breeding is boring?" responded Lana in return.
Lincoln was also a bit frustrated. "All the signs showed that they were bred by a capable scientist. Someone who could remove all tracks of itself. And the police didn't even search and keep an eye on her beforehand?"
"They didn't even have suspicion on me either." Said Lisa. "And I am known to make unreliable inventions."
"Maybe they just wanted them to happen."
Lyra was a bit excited. "Can't wait till my mother gets back from tour and hear this. I'll call her in the meantime."
Luan looked at Lana: "Why aren't you looking sad, Lana? Breed-n't you want a child with Linc?"
The family looked at Lana after booing Luan. The exception was Lynn Senior who laughed at Luan's pun.
"Well...she got to breed me and Linc before she was arrested!"
"How'd you know?" asked Lynn Junior.
"Because...I saw Lizy!"
A second of silence was interrupted by Leni. "Congratulations, Lana! Wait...how did she breed you?"
Lisa explained as best as she could.
"So, just DNA from two people, an artificial egg cell and that's it?"
"Yes."
Lily asked: "So, ms. Mud, where is your unborn daughter?"
"Wanna take a look? I'll show you."
"You know, Lans, what you just said sounds so wrong out of context.", noted Lynn Junior.
"That's out-of-womb fetuses for ya!"
Lana ran to the extra bedroom with the family behind her. She opened a hatch and climbed down the sub-basement with most of the family right at her tail.
"There she is! Isn't she the best?"
"Amazing!", said Lynn Junior who was the first after Lana to arrive.
Lincoln was the next to see Lizy.
"There we are." Lincoln gave Lana a pat on the head.
"Yea!" responded Lana, "Lizy, your papa is here!"
"Let me see!" was heard from a corridor.
Lynn tried to go back but she was stuck just because how tight the corridor was and all the people waiting in line.
"Make way, make way!"
It took quite a few minutes for everyone to get out of the corridor and queue up in front of the extra bedroom. This time things were more orderly although Leia complained she wasn't the first one to see Lizy. Lacy killed time by running to the third floor and back a few times until most of the family had seen the new child. After everyone had taken a sneak peek at the unborn baby, Lana announced:
"Oh, I'm going to be so good mother! I'll teach Lizy so many things when she is out!"
"Like what? How to make a pillow out of mud and grease?" responded Lola.
"Umm...yea! And how to make Fluffypuff doll out of armpit hair I gathered from all the showers. You, know, that doll you like to hug during the night."
"Ewww!"
"I was kidding! It also has hair from my pet spiders!"
That scared Leni.
"So, should we take Lizy out now?" asked Lori.
"Not yet," said Lisa. "End of Lizy's gestation period is still twenty-nine days away."
"These are going to be the longest days of my life," admitted Lana.
Lisa realized she forgot to tell about the effects of Lizy's genes. "Fortunately, Lizy has some interesting genetic alterations. She can start learning verbal communication right now. By the time she's ready to be extracted, she should know a few words."
"I'll make sure to teach her the best words!" responded Lana.
A few days later Dr. J. was taken into court.
Lori, Lincoln, Lisa, Lynn Senior, Rita, and Liena were the only ones from the family in court. They soon found out that they had it relatively easy compared to some other victims. There were a mother and father who were one of the first victims of the breeder and whose son had schizophrenia, then there was a mother who was bred with someone who lived in Sub-Saharan Africa. Then there were a man and a woman who were bred despite those two hating each other's guts when their child was delivered. There also a child whose real parents were terminally ill when their DNA was obtained and then bred a year after they died. Finally, there was a son and mother with their child.
Dr. J tried to defend herself by stating that her research is beneficial for infertile couples and modifying genes would make it possible for relatives to get a disease-free child, removing the need to illegalize incest in the first place. However, prosecutors noted that some of her 'research' were unscientific as she didn't specify what kind of cell DNA samples were collected from. The delivery methods and the choice of her 'clients' were also considered questionable in some cases.
Ultimately, Dr. J was found guilty, was sentenced twenty years in prison and had to pay compensation for all the families. While Dr. J was wealthy, the amount of compensation was still over her caliber. Royal Woods Science Institute agreed to help the families as well, including the Loud family. As Lisa Loud gave major contribution that led to Dr. J's arrest, she received extra bounty.
Dr. J's arguments did spark major debates about what's right and what's wrong but that's another story. As for the ten remaining fetuses, all ten parent pairs accepted them.
Days couldn't go any slower for Lana. Every day she visited the tiny sub-basement with Lisa to make sure that Lizy was ok and occasionally to empty and restock jar's the life support compartments. Lisa had made plenty of mixture to last several few days but they needed more. At least with the need of metal, their old rusty tools and items could finally be put to use.
Lana remembered Lincoln's eighteenth birthday very well. She watched the footage of Liby's extraction a few times a day. She even went to the remaining part of the third-floor attic to practice on Liby's old jar by placing one of Liena's old dolls in it and then taking it out. One day Lana waved at Lizy who waved back at her. That made Lana's day and she just couldn't wait for the big day to happen.
Winter finally arrived and with that, the day of extraction. The family did prepare beforehand. Supply box was taken out for the final time.
Lisa dragged the jar out of the sub-basement. Lana was there to help her lift the container up to the basement level. Lana then carried the jar in the middle of the basement between Lincoln's room and the stairs. The entire family was there with some filming and taking pictures. Lincoln and Lana decided that this time it's Lana who takes Lizy out.
"So the day has finally come when my twin sister becomes a mother. You're going to treat her like a princess?"
"You bet I will. Actually, I'm gonna treat her as my daughter. Anyway, bro, be next to me now! I bet you're gonna be a good pops for her!"
"Alright! And you, be a good mom!"
Lynn tried to encourage Lana as well. "You've got this, sis!"
Then the crowd went silent as Lana started doing the procedures. First, she removed the safety ring, then the lid.
"PUSH! PUSH!"
The tense mood was replaced with laughs.
"Thank you, Libs." said Lana sarcastically.
"No other chance to make that joke so better make the most of it."
"Guess that means that my daughter's joke was...birth it?"
Laughs were replaced with groans except for Leia and Lynn Senior who kept laughing.
"Anyway…"
Lana's hands were shaking as she lowered her arms into the jar and grabbed Lizy by her sides.
"Here you are, Lizy! Finally! Come to mama!"
Lana lifted Lizy out from the jar.
"Careful!"
Lana almost yanked the cords off Lizy. Realizing her mistake, she felt horrified. The mood was tense again with some crossing their fingers. Fortunately for Lana, after a minute, Lizy started coughing and spitting out the jar fluid. Lana felt relieved. After Lizy had cleared her lungs, she said: "Hi, mom!"
Some jumped, some went "aww".
"Hi, Lizy!" said Lana who hugged her.
Albert was amazed. "She can talk?"
"Amazing!" said Lola.
Lincoln removed the cords while Lana was still busy hugging Lizy. Lisa informed that no health checks are necessary. Luna quickly arrived with a towel to clean both Lizy and Lana who didn't bother to even roll up her sleeves to take Lizy out. It didn't take long for the family to get the baby wrapped up. Then everyone went to the living room to perform the now-traditional holding ceremony.
After that was over, Lana asked Lizy: "Can you say "I love you!"?"
Lizy was silent.
"Guess she doesn't love you after all. Sigh," said Lucy.
"Yes, she does!"
Lincoln had an idea. "Since Lizy is probably my last child, I got an idea! Let's find all the baby books to relive memories."
The quickly gathered the baby books found inside the lower drawer of the family history case. They started with Leia's.
"I and my brother indeed look like a royal family in here with our dear Leia."
"That's right, miss Glitter!" responded Luna.
Lincoln admitted that "The ceremony was pretty...cringy. Blame Lily for that! That girl sure is something!"
Next up was Lemy.
"I was born on a rainy day?"
"Well, you were discovered on a rainy day. Although just before it started to rain. Everybody was calm when it started raining."
"Riding Vanzilla became just so fun after the rebuild," admitted Luna.
Next up, the family had a laugh when they showed infant Lupa in a bee suit.
"Wait? Who put me inside a bee costume? I'm so gonna…"
"It was Liena's idea!"
Lupa clenched her fist towards Liena.
"You'll regret it!"
Next came Lacy's turn.
"Wait? Was 'incest' really Lacy's first word?" asked Lyra.
"Yes. Just like yours!" replied Luan. "Guess some people in our family just...incest that this word is important."
Liby responded: "Do you know what's the difference between our current president and my mom? When the president starts running his mouth, everybody laughs!"
Some members of the family could have sworn they felt something burning.
Family started to go Liby's baby book.
"So she already had teeth?"
"Yup."
Liby asked: "How did you like your birthday present?"
"Well, I had fun drawing and reading comics to your older sis-cousins."
"I meant me as a present!"
"Oh...that too! You're a good present as well."
Next up was Lyra.
"Haha! That's a cute pic!"
"Well, it was Lola's idea to make this tablet family photo. I mean, I was on tour and had no other choice!"
They opened Liena's book.
"That's my dear baby!"
"So her first word was "Dot dot dot dot...dot?", asked Lacy.
"It's a simple word," said Liena.
Her mother said: "Did you know how quiet my angel was when she was as a baby?"
"But some of my pets really hated her. So much of that...ultrasound crying," said Lana.
"Can you do ultrasound again?"
Liena nodded and started to open her mouth.
"I advice against it." warned Lisa. "Infants have the ability to hear ultrasound."
Finally, they reached Loan's book.
"Why aren't you two smiling for real?" asked Loan.
"Because you're my first daughter."
"So I...wasn't...wanted after all?" Loan started shaking again.
"Not initially but then…we accepted you," admitted Lori.
"Lori!" warned Lincoln. "Listen, Loan! We value you as all the other kids."
Lemy interrupted. "Dad, are you glad we all exist?"
"You see, with unexpected children like you, being glad of you happens in time."
After more conversation. Lizy opened her mouth again.
"I'm the best bastard!"
The living room was filled with laughs and "excuse me?"s.
"Who taught her that?", asked Rita.
Lucy and Lupa admitted that they did.
"As predicted."
"What's a bastard?" asked Leia.
Lincoln quickly explained Leia what bastard means.
"That reminds me...child of unmarried parents. Lana, I think it's time for your wedding dress!" said Lola.
Lana remembered her promise three years earlier. Guess now comes for the low moment of her day, she thought.
Lola couldn't wait to see Lana wearing the dress. "Come on, I'm waiting."
Lana started slowly walking upstairs to Leni's room. Leni followed her. Ten minutes later she came back, wearing a blue and black wedding dress that had a jacket over it.
"You look really…" Lincoln thought about his choice of words… "cool!"
"Um...thanks.". It was clear that Lana didn't enjoy being in a wedding dress. After posing in front of a camera again, she finally had enough.
"OkayI'mdone."
She took off her wedding dress, revealing that she was wearing her normal clothes underneath.
"Lana Loud, always prepared."
Lana doubted if Lizy was worth having to wear a wedding dress. After some thinking, she concluded: Maybe she was.
In the evening, the family was eating dinner, talking about the new child, Dr. J, and their monetary situation. Lisa then unexpectedly laid a down a piece of paper on a table. This plan was clearly more well-thought-out than previous ones as it was carefully sketched with a ruler. Lynn senior sighed.
"Here we go again...not that I mind."
Rita asked: "So what's that? Where is this going to be?"
"Sub-basement. My sub-basement pilot program is not spacious enough to conduct my further experiments. As our family has a lot of funds I propose a full-sized sub-basement."
Lisa continued to explain: "As you can see, my current experiment chamber will become a place to store my clothing while that larger room next to it will become my room. Meanwhile, the centerpiece is this floor will by my laboratory. The room to the right of my bedroom."
"And that other small room next to your room?" asked Loan.
"That's for...umm...for my personal projects."
Lola had doubts about design choices. "Does the sub-basement corridor need to have two bends?"
Lana pointed at another small room sketch. "And that room would be...?"
"Mechanical room. Finally, we can clear out the basement floor from equipment that didn't fit into basement's mechanical room."
Loan asked: "Um...can I...get a room on sub-basement level as well?"
Lori shook her head. "I have a feeling that you're going to see the surface of this world even less. Well, I suppose you can. You're an adult now after all."
Luna had an idea as well. "Since the floor is as underground as some of the songs I play, what about a place for me to jam?"
Lyra and Lemy agreed. Lisa drew a square and labeled it 'music room'.
Lupa asked: "Greatgramps? What do you think?"
Albert sighed and looked? "What about a corridor so I wouldn't have to freeze me butt every time I need to go from house to house?"
"It'll be fun watching great-gramps climbing a ladder and stairs every time he wants to go to the kitchen."
Lily wasn't pleased. "Let me guess, Lupa: You'll let this poor old man do errands?"
"I didn't think about that but thanks for the idea!"
Lacy was happy though. "I can run errands for him instead!"
"That's my good daughter!"
Lynn senior asked the family: "Since all the excess mechanical machinery now goes in the sub-basement, what are we gonna do with the freed-up corner of the basement?"
"Hot tub!" proposed Lemy!
Luna agreed. "My son knows where it's at!"
"But I wanted a place to dance," complained Lacy.
After some discussion, things started to escalate. Almost everyone had a different idea what to do with the freed-up part. They decided to dig out some more basement to make it bigger. After some more plans...well...what they ended up with was a recreational room equivalent to their Vanzilla. Lori looked the end result.
"We literally can't afford...!"
"Says a CEO who could feed me and rest of the kids herself!" noted her daughter.
Lynn senior sighed after looking at the schematics.
"So be it. We can start the construction in January! Three cheers for our house!". Lynn Senior lifted his glass of tea. Others grabbed whatever they had on hand: Mug of milk, water, coffee, can of condensed milk, a bottle of soda, a bottle of milk, a flower vase, you name it.
"And three and a half cheers for Lizy Loud," responded Lincoln.
"Can I give Lizy two thumbs up instead?" proposed Lana.
In the late evening, Lincoln and Lana decided to visit the tower. They let Liena take care of Lizy in the meantime. Lana and Lincoln reached the fourth floor, put on their winter attire, and entered the attic where Lucy's bats were hibernating. They opened the hatch on the attic roof that led to the tower and started climbing up. Soon, they reached the top. It was a nice winter weather outside. The snow was slowly falling.
"You know, if it hadn't been winter, I would have brought my daughter up here and show her the world."
"Yea, like we need even more attention."
They lit a lantern on the roof of the lookout tower instead to celebrate.
"How does it feel to finally have a daughter?"
"Like this!" Lana hugged Lincoln tightly.
"Didn't expect that from you!" Lincoln hugged Lana back. "So...how long did you want to be a mother?"
"Seeeveral years. Yup. Ever since Lupa!"
"Way earlier! I remember you hatching birds."
"Forgot about that. Gotta prepare early? If Lizy had come from an egg I would have gladly hatched her all day with you!"
They laughed.
"So imagine if the breeder had been caught before Lizy was...made."
"Then I...would have...had to ask Lisa's help instead. I was afraid to ask. You know her experiments and how often they fail."
"I wouldn't have wanted to see your face if your child would have been just…exploded."
"Exploded baby would be gross though."
"I thought you liked gross things!"
Both of them laughed.
"Maybe I should have asked Lisa to make it so that Lizy could explode and pull herself back together again! You know, best of both worlds."
"That's something Lisa could make for sure."
"You think Lisa is going to make a child herself by now?"
"You'll never know her. She works in mysterious ways."
After enjoying an evening winter scene for a few minutes, they stopped hugging climbed back down. They ultimately concluded that the biggest abomination of the neighborhood wasn't any of Lincoln's children but the house itself, even if it's the abomination at its best.
They took Lizy from Liena and went to Lana's room.
"You know what Linc?"
"What worries you today, Lans?"
"Nothing! That's how happy I am! Well, one thing does worry me though."
"And that'll be…"
"It's going to take a long time to teach Lizy the names of all the animals in my room. Right, Lizy?"
"Hi, mom!"
Not really proud of this chapter. Glad that I made the criminal not the main thing of the story.