Day 10

Day 10
March 25, 2008

Part 1
The day started with me awakening to the sound of a helicopter and the sight of half darkness. The moon didn't rise till 11:00 last night and stands in the sky now. Today I feel reborn in a way because I found the words and how to arrange them. I spoke my mind to the one I needed to and I feel the depression and guilt slowly creep away. There will be many pauses on this day for my writing, but thoughts will be carried all day. It's 7:59 and this puts an end to part 1.

Part 2

It's 9:13 and it's still early in the day. Lately I have had a writers block for writing poetry and songs. It seems as if I can't organize my words and thoughts in the same ways anymore. I can't get the thought of the bitching I did last night out of my head. I wish that the person who I bitched at could and/or will understand the words I spoke. You have to realize that if someone changes for someone else there is a a chance that it won't work out the right way. If the other person doesn't see it, even when everyone else does, it's because the person whom that someone changed for can do nothing but live and breathe the past. They won't see the change because they can only see the past. Sometimes it makes no sense to change for someone especially after so much pain and damage is done. To better explain what I mean, take this as a scenario. The person changing is "X" can the person who "X" is changing for is "Y". If "X" causes damage but then realizes finally that they need to change they do. All of "X's" friends and family can see the change, but "Y" doesn't even see a single thing. "Y" doesn't see it because the pain that "X" caused traumatized "Y" causing "Y" to forever see the pain. Much like how a person who is raped, beaten, neglected, served the war, or had some other experience in their life that changed it may act afterwards. It's called PTS, and it kills a person and their lifestyle. Some people can't forget the past no matter what circumstances, much like how the "once a cheater, always a cheater" thing is played out. That's not always true people so get that thought out of there. Even when they are presented with a logical explanation, they still don't believe. I have something to say to those people. Whenever you are given an explanation, believe it, and realize you were wrong. Just remember, a lot of people say they know how you feel when they don't, whether it be good or bad. It's 9:32 and this ends part 2.

Part 3

Time has shifted and it's now 12:38. I won't lie, I have lost thought about what I have done and the ones I really care for. I'm beginning to feel the numbness come back again. I sometimes wish I had no friends, just to see what could happen and how things would be. This diary might be the thing that someone sees lying next to me as I drip blood. I would never go through with suicide though. I don't believe anyone would, I only believe that they get to the point, make a mistake or rethink. People cut for attention, but I cut for a reason. Endure the pain I caused on others. It's like FORCING KARMA onto myself so I don't have to wait and suffer. If you don't believe in karma then it isn't real. It's a words for people to be scared of, just like HELL. Just like how kids have to be good because Santa is watching, when really he's not there, he's fake. It's just a way for your parents to scare you into behaving while they can't watch you. You can be bad and you still get presents. What goes up must come down, and the past is the host for the names of today. How did they know when Jesus died, and the exact date? Not to hurt anybodys beliefs, but it doesn't all add up. How can one book depict all of the world before it is presented? What if there comes a time when someone defies what this book says? If you can't see it, how do you know it's there? You're told that it is and that's why. That just proves that people who have power and a free voice can do whatever they want. Break away from these questions and start brainstorming answers and ideas. Maybe one day my voice will be heard and acknowledged, not through power, money, religion, or some cult, but from an ordinary person with an extraordinary mind. At the time of 1:02, all feelings and thoughts are set aside. This is the end of day 10