Expect the Unexpected
"Wow," he says with his eyes open wide, "that is huge."
You smile, proud of yourself for eliciting that kind of response. "It is, isn't it." You say it as a statement, not a question.
"Yes..." Will hesitates before he goes on. "I have to admit I'm a little intimidated." He looks at me shyly, and his cheeks get a bit rosy. Every time he blushes, you think it is the most adorable thing ever, much to Will's chagrin.
"You're not afraid of it, are you Will?" You are teasing and he knows it. But it doesn't stop him from glaring at you, perturbed and amused at the same time.
Will licks at his lips nervously, "Not afraid, Sonny, more like tentative."
You were pleased with the purchase of your new toy when you first got it, and now, observing Will's slight discomfort mixed with his obvious curiosity, you are convinced you've done well. "Maybe what they say is true...sometimes bigger IS better..." and you leave that provocative declaration hanging in the air and watch Will squirm just a little more.
"H-h-how does it work?"
"I suppose we could try it, hah? Just jump in and see where we go."
Will shakes his head adamantly, "No, Sonny, I'm not sure I'm ready. I mean, it's impressive and all, and you are clearly proud of it, but I might just sit back and watch you first." Not the response you had hoped for. You were hoping for a bit of interaction between the two of you.
You frown. "Wait, you're just going to watch me? Are you sure that's what you want?"
"Yeah, I am. I don't know what to do, and I don't want to ruin anything, so you start and I'll join in if and when I'm feeling ready."
"I guess this isn't exactly the reaction I'd hoped from you, Will," you are being totally honest. You bought this for him, for you, to enjoy together. Perhaps your decision was not the best one after all.
Will looks at you puzzled, his eyebrows matching his grimace. "What exactly did you expect, Sonny? Maybe if you tell me why you got this, why you feel it is necessary, then maybe I'll understand better."
Grabbing his hands, you pull him to the bed and look him deeply in the eyes. "Will, this is a big deal for me, too. I've never bought anything like this before." You pause in the hopes that your words settle his fears just a little. "But I love you so much, and I want only the best of everything for you."
"I know that Sonny. You already give me so much...I'm very satisfied." Will looks at you earnestly, and you know that despite his tentativeness, you did actually make the perfect choice.
"That's sweet, Will, but here's the deal. We'll have a daughter soon, and even though she'll be tiny at first, she is going to grow and change so fast and I don't want us to miss one second of it." You take a deep breath, "I've thought a lot about this, Will. Buying this new flat screen TV, entertainment system with Apple TV and camera, my hope is that we will capture every moment with her and be able to pull up those memories whenever we want and revisit them right here. It's intimidating, I know, but I want us to discover this together. I know it's not something we needed...but it's something I wanted to get for us. Arianna isn't always going to be with us, so I want you to be able to feel her close every minute you're apart."
"Wow," Will reuses his opening line. "That puts things into perspective. You are amazing; thank you so much." He leans over to kiss your lips appreciatively. "And I know I've said this before, but I am the luckiest guy in the whole world. You are so thoughtful and generous - thinking of our family. I'm sorry I didn't seem interested at first." He looks at you apologetically, and you reach up to cup his chin.
"No need to apologize, Will. I know the whole set up is intimidating, and we'll have to learn how everything works. Jeez, you are the gadget guy, I thought you'd be more excited to delve in!" You tease him and lean in for another sweet peck. "I know this whole situation isn't how we planned it...you having a baby, fighting for custody rights, adapting our homes to accommodate a newborn...it's all very new and to be honest, it's been quite an adjustment getting used to the idea of having to wake up for night feedings and diaper changes. But," you see him about to interject, so you hold out your hands, asking for his patience as you finish. "But I have thought a lot about this, Will. I want you, I can't imagine my life without you - ever, and I want us to help raise Arianna Grace. I love her already so much because she is a part of you. I have no hesitations in doing this with you, Will, none whatsoever."
"I love you so much, Sonny. Thank you." And he proceeds to show you just how grateful he is.
^^^^^^^^%^^^^^^^^
One week later Will is scrolling through the TV menu, expertly exploring every option, trying to discover as much as he can before the baby is born. He ventures into the video section and is surprised to see a couple already in there. "Son, we have videos on here?"
"Yeah, I uploaded a few from YouTube; I know we're not fans of soaps, but there is this great story line I heard about from a friend. It's about two men...with a lot of the typical soap opera problems, but they are raising a child together. I wouldn't have even checked them out if Nate hadn't pushed it. I guess they have amazing chemistry together. Their relationship is really believable. Nate says they are incredible actors. Oh, and he says there are some really great intimate moments between them, too." You stop to wiggle your eyebrows a little, "doesn't that sound like they might be fun to watch?"
"Yes, it does. Cool. I had kind of heard some chatter about them but hadn't even checked it out. I think we should watch those clips together." He starts moving from video to video, reading their descriptions trying to decide which one to watch first. He lands on a video that has the description: The Two take their Relationship to the next Level. "Hmmm...this sounds interesting, Sonny, how about this one first?" He selects it before you even have the chance to respond.
Will is not sure how to react at all once the clip starts playing. With your huge TV, the images are so large, so intense, it's breathtaking. You watch and smile, knowing that he has picked the perfect video, the one you wanted him to choose so you could enact the plan you've been hatching over this last week. All of a sudden, the opening credits to the show are stopped and your face appears on the extra large screen.
"What the..." Will doesn't know what's going on, and you are enjoying your surprise for him immensely.
Leaning over to kiss him on the cheek, you offer encouragement, "just keep watching, my love." As the light in the video brightens and you come into full focus, Will glances at you one more time, so many questions etched in his face. You give him a stern look and motion back to the TV with your head. "Watch." And Will reluctantly shifts his gaze back to the screen.
You are sitting in the video, fidgeting a little in one of the kitchen chairs as you make sure the camera is capturing everything just right. Straightening, you hear yourself say the lines you've rehearsed hour after hour while stocking cups and clearing tables at the coffee house. "Will Horton, you are the most amazing, beautiful, kind person I've ever met. I knew so early on into our relationship - what was then just a friendship - that I felt something magical happening between us." You pause on the video to lick your bottom lip and take a deep breath. "Our journey so far has been wonderful, unpredictable, and so intense...I feel this connection with you I've never experienced before. I know that I am very much in love with you and don't see that ever changing."
Will looks over his shoulder quickly, and you can see his eyes start to twinkle and a smile break across his face. What an amazing sight that is for you; you could stare into those blue eyes all day and be the happiest guy alive. His eyes now back at the TV, you're speaking again and you know you are about to get to the good stuff.
"With Arianna coming, I want you to feel comfortable that we are giving her the best of everything. It's one of the reasons I bought this whole entertainment set up, and I want you to know that I made that big decision with our family in mind. I know it's going to be hard, adjusting our lives, but it is what I want and I've thought long and hard about this, Will. I want you with me, going through life together, helping to raise Arianna together. You're going to need lots of support, so I have something very important that I want to ask you."
Your stomach is tied up in knots, and you anticipate Will's reaction, hoping he'll be as thrilled at the idea as you are.
"William Horton, I love you with all my heart. Will you do me the honor of moving in with me?" And there's planned silence on the video and unplanned silence in your apartment. Will doesn't say a word and keeps staring forward at you on the screen.
"Will," you whisper, touching his arm to get him to turn around. He shakes it off unexpectedly. You are taken aback by his coldness and feel your heart catch in your chest. It's getting harder for you to breathe but it's not from the excitement you had anticipated, it is from your growing anxiety and fear.
"Sonny," Will stands up and holds your gaze with an intense stare, "I love you, too. And I appreciate more than you'll ever know how much you have done for me and for Arianna, and she's not even here yet." This is going better now, you think to yourself.
"You are the most incredible boyfriend, and I am so lucky to have you. And because of that, I have to say this to your question: No. No, Sonny, I can't move in with you." His directness catches you completely off guard. Your mouth drops open, and you feel tears spring to your eyes. This is not at all how you envisioned this moment. You expected to be celebrating by now, maybe even doing so lovingly in your bed...or maybe the shower. The video resumes and your own voice startles you from your trance. "I'm so happy, Will! Let's celebrate..." you had expected an entirely different outcome. You grab the remote from Will and you fumble to press the 'stop' button to end your torture.
"N-no?" you ask trying to keep the hurt from your voice. "No?" you repeat a little louder. "But Will, I don't understand..."
"You don't understand?" he implores, concern and anger and sadness all taking turns flashing in his eyes. "Sonny, I meant what I said. I do love you; You are the most incredible person I know, and I am the luckiest guy in the world to have you as a partner."
"But..." you jump in, anticipating his next word.
"But, I can't, Sonny, I'm sorry. Arianna is coming soon, and I have so much going on in my head. But, I know this with certainty, I can't move in with you right now." His lips attempt a kind smile, but it only makes you more devastated and hurt. Will walks to you, pulls you up to your feet, and puts his arms around you in a deep, longing embrace. Why does this not feel as passionate and as titillating as your typical hugs? Why does this feel final? Will steps back from you, brushes away a tear that has escaped down your cheek and kisses you gently on the lips. "I love you, Sonny, but this is not what I want." He backs away from you, turns to the door and leaves your apartment without another word.