A/N: Hey, everyone! So, I know I told you I wouldn't write anything before I came back from my trip, but apparently, I worked so hard last week that I could finish by Monday all the tasks I had to complete until Thursday (about which I was worried, since I'd only really have until Wednesday to do everything). Which means I had two whole days of doing nothing at work. XD Go me! I guess I work way better and faster when I'm desperate. LOL

So yes, here's one more chapter. Tell me what you think about it, please! =)

And yay, I'll be leaving in about 5 hours! \o/

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Remy stood in the middle of her kitchen, unable to move. She had used all her willpower to refrain herself from doing what she really wanted to do, and that had left her feeling completely drained. She regretted drinking the coffee Cameron had made her: if she was still drunk, she would barely remember what had just happened, and it would be easy to just go to sleep.

But no, she was sober. Her mind wouldn't let her sleep for anything in this world, and the brunette couldn't, for the life of her, stop thinking about Allison Cameron. She had been so close to kissing her, so close to fucking her again, but had stopped herself on time.

And, although her body still ached from the brief contact it had had with the blonde's, her mind knew she did the best thing. She couldn't afford to get involved with her.

Walking to the sink, the intern splashed some water on her face, sighing deeply. She finally willed herself to walk towards the living room, sitting on the couch. 'This is where we did it...' It was useless trying to push the thoughts away while inside her apartment: the whole place reminded her of the slightly older woman.

Grabbing her keys, Hadley walked out and into the evening breeze, heading to the park. She sat on a bench, letting the warm wind toy with her face and hair.

She couldn't believe she had allowed herself to go that far. With Foreman, she had the excuse of being lonely and needy, plus the fact that, in spite of being with him, she had never cared too deeply for him; she had accepted what he had to give, and given him what he wanted, which was basically sex and the proud feeling that he was able to break her barriers.

And that was what she wanted as well: if they didn't get that involved with each other, he wouldn't be able to hurt her, and, on his turn, wouldn't be hurt by her disease.

With Cameron, however, it was different. She was actually falling for her, and that couldn't be any good. For any of them. It was just a matter of which of them would be hurt the worse. In the most likely situation, Cameron was playing her; she was simply desiring her, lusting after her, and that fire would soon die, as it usually did. In the less likely picture, the blonde might actually like her; she might leave her husband to be with her, hurt him in the process, and she herself would be hurt either by Thirteen's inability to hold onto a relationship (she had never, ever done it for too long) or by her oncoming insanity.

The mental image of the ER doctor taking care of her in her final days brought tears to her eyes, and she knew that this was exactly what she was looking for: someone who would care for her, who wouldn't abandon her (differently from what she had done with her mother, and exactly what Cameron had done to her first husband), someone who would teach her how to love and trust again.

Except, for her, it was all merely a fantasy. Because, every time she had allowed herself to lean on someone, she had been let down, and now, she was afraid to try it again. There was no reason why it wouldn't be any different with the blonde.

She knew she couldn't go on with it. Even if she had to look for another job in order not to meet her colleague, she would do it. She had to be strong. After all, she had already done it year after year; she could do it one more time. Still, it had never been so painful.

Feeling more alone than ever, the intern rested her forehead on her palms, allowing her tears to fall down.

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With her legs still trembling, Cameron got to the parking lot close to Remy's condo and entered her car, finally allowing herself to breath properly. Her mind tried to grasp all that had happened in the last few minutes, but couldn't: it always stopped in the expression she saw in the brunette's eyes.

When she felt her body being jerked against a wall, she had actually felt relieved. She thought she would finally get what she wanted. Actually, not everything she wanted, because she wasn't chasing the intern just for sex. But hell, even angry sex would be better than nothing, way better than being rejected like she had been. And not just once, but three times in the same day.

It hadn't been anything like that, though. She was prepared to look into the cobalt-blue eyes and see desire, hunger, the way she had seen a few days ago, but what she saw was quite different. It was a mixture of anger and pain and strictness, and something she couldn't even convey in words. She felt scared by that intensity, and hadn't dared to disobey Thirteen's command, even though she desperately wanted to.

She wanted to tell her, to show her that she was wrong about her, that she didn't think the younger woman was just some kind of reckless fun, that she didn't get the whole picture. And damn, that was just so unfair! When she had finally been able, with Dr. Hadley's help, to let go of her always composed and controlled manners and actually surrender to her desire, when she could actually admit to her own self that she wasn't happy with her husband and that the one she really wanted was her female coworker, things had gone that way.

Still, she couldn't help but noticing the duckling had never actually denied the fact that she wanted her. She had said that she'd never touch her again, that there was no way it would work out, that Allison should be with her husband, that she didn't believe the blonde actually liked her... but never that Thirteen herself didn't want her colleague. In fact, judging by her behavior three days ago, one could suppose she did at least desire her.

And hadn't she told Cameron not to tempt her? It wouldn't be a temptation if she didn't really feel the urge to give in, would it? But the word "temptation" also meant there was something wrong about giving in, something that shouldn't happen. Why would the younger doctor feel so strongly about wanting to be with her, or about not allowing herself to? Was all that coming from her fear of being hurt again?

Somehow, that possibility made Allison' heart ache with compassion for the young doctor. She had been through so much with her family already; she definitely deserved to be spared on her love life. But apparently, she hadn't.

The blonde wished she could take all that pain from her, erase the memory of all her past disappointments. She wished she could be there for her whenever she needed someone, and show her that it was possible. She had seen it before, in theory and in practice (both in patients and, specially, in her own life): people who hadn't received much love, who had been let down various times tended to think they couldn't actually be loved; after being hurt one too many times, they simply gave up.

Cameron had come from a structured family, but that didn't mean there weren't things she resented. For instance, the fact that she had always been the nerdy kind, and her parents had always made it clear that they'd prefer her to be a cheerleader than a mathlete, or the fact that boys approached her for her looks rather than by her intelligence, and often left her when they found out she had brains. The very first time someone reciprocated her feelings, this mad had died, and it had hurt as bad as the lack of love, if not worse.

That's why she'd also been afraid to commit to anyone for so long after that. She knew exactly how Remy felt, where she was going, and how hard it was to walk out of that path. But she also knew how to do it. Actually, she knew both sides: how to allow herself to trust someone again, and how to make someone trust her.

The first one, she knew from practice: she had done it completely with Daniel, and at least partially with Robert, as, although she didn't exactly love him, she had agreed to share her life with him. The second, she learned exactly from those men. Daniel had been so sweet to her, so kind, caring about her even when he was the sick one; he had accepted her for what she was and showed her love, making her feel safe to open up. Robert had been persistent, reminding her all the time that he had no intention of giving up and leaving her alone; true, it had been annoying at first, but even when she snapped at him, she had felt at least a bit fuzzy inside, knowing that someone would put up with that much just for a chance of being with her.

She knew exactly what she had to do. She couldn't give up. Even if she had to re-create her own version of Tuesdays, she'd get to Thirteen somehow. Feeling more confident about herself, the ER doctor headed home at last, bracing herself for the confrontation she would have to go through.

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A/N: Yeah, I know some of you won't be entirely happy with this chapter. It's got way less action that the previous ones. But I feel the need for some introspective chapters now and then, so that I can work on the motives behind their actions and such... So, that's what this is. =)