Chapter Nine
The Snowfields

The snowfields were frosted silver in the moonlight, they glowed softly, coldly. I shivered, fucken cold, wedged my hands under my coat, but even my fucken armpits are getting cold! Although… It is pretty out here, can't deny that. The distant sea is so damn dark, the only change between it and the sky are the lights: stationary points of distant fire upwards, glittering white heads on the water below, there's no wind, that something to be fucken glad about! Cos I ain't big on all this cold shit…

I looked up and around as I kicked out at the snow and shivered for another reason besides all this damn cold, and if ya wondering why I'm out here, it's 'cos that fucken Inn keeper don't let smokers smoke inside, and travellin' with these fools, who can blame me for wanting a smoke, right? Anyhow, the reason I shivered was the dim green glow on the glacier, it comes from over the cliffs, where, on the barest horizon line, there's the Northern Crater. It wasn't so long ago we walked all the fucken way there! Goodness knows why Cloud wanted to come back; I mean he's only after a bloody Chocobo! Ah hell, he's the boss, and I don't mind so much, I mean it IS nice here, during the day at least, and the kid's lettin' us chill for the most part (no pun intended), I don't mind that in the least, means I can go get them repairs on the ship up and running...
"Who the fuck, is out on a night like this?" I leant forwards out of the circle of light from the Inn's lamp, out by the trees, a figure, some idiot or… yeah, thought so; the guy's movin', but ya wouldn't think it, kinda floats over the snow, least it looks like it from a distance, coarse if I went after him, there'd be footsteps in the snow…

There are footsteps in the snow, damn long, careful strides, I'm running along them, towards the man standing at the crest of the 'downgrade', he's watching me come closer, just standing there, his shapeless cloak obscuring him totally, his pale face blank in the half light, I don't stumble, but I want to, I want to fall over into the snow and make him worry, I want him to fucken come to ME for once, but he won't even lift his arms to me, not one, won't he greet me!?

He turns away as a I slow down and take the last few steps up to his position, insults and curses run through my head... He can't treat me like this, fucken bastard, what the hell does he think I am!? How can he fucken do this shit to me!? How can he act like nothing happened!? Like I don't fucken care!?
…Because I fucken told him I don't care, not like that, "It's a one off, it's relief, it's friends mucking around…" It's one guy's heart tearing in two because .…

"Look at it Highwind, it's beautiful, isn't it."
MOTHER FUCKER! "More like fucken eerie if ya ask me."
"It is that… Do you think we'll defeat him?"
Why can't ya think about US!? Us! Not Avalanche! Us! "Who? Sephiroth?"
"Yes, he's strong, and getting stronger, every night we've been here I've looked out towards the crater…"
Why are ya the only human in this group not to care-- "Oh? Ya really worried?"
"Concerned perhaps… Concerned that we shall fail. It is daunting after all, an enemy this powerful, this malevolent."
--bout relations? Or are ya still so hooked on that dead bitch? "According to Cloud he weren't always so bad."
He hung his head, closed his eyes, "Maybe so," he said heavily, "but what he was then, doesn't change what he is now. A monster. As I am."
"Bullshit!"


***


"Are you angry with me, Highwind?"

"You are, aren't you?" he sounds worried now,
"Yeah, a bit… Ya ever getting over her?"

"Didn't think so."
"You sound disappointed, why, do you have feelings for me?" he's joking; I can hear it in his voice, but…
"Yeah."

"Yeah I do, didn't think I did, but I do, okay?" I sighed, shuffled a step away in the snow, I don't want to look at him, "Dunno when, why… But hay, I can't help it, right?" I think I jump a foot when his hand slides over my shoulder, gives it a gentle squeeze, guiding me towards the Inn, "No, no one can help it," he's so close, I can feel his leg brush against mine as we walk, I frown, not outta frustration or anything, just I'm trying to keep some control over myself… I don't think it's working…

I stopped, it made him stop too, and I looked up at him, I wonder how desperate I look, I think I'm crying and that can't be a good thing out in these temperatures, but it might just be the cold making my eyes water, I don't feel like crying… I feel like… I leant forwards and rest my forehead against his chest; his 'good' arm is resting on my shoulder, it's beginning to wrap around and I can feel him pressing his hand against my back, "Cid…"
"When we go back to the Inn, what's going to happen?"
"What do you want to happen?"
"Don't talk like that, I don't want… don't… want…"

It's cold out here.
I'm cold.
But he's so very warm...