Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Sorry about the delay in getting this out. My new semester started, so I'm kind of busy with that. However, here's the new one! We've got a time jump in store for our four main characters, and the angst continues, especially now that you know Declan is Emily's son. I'm drifting from doing the chapters separated between the girls and the guys; this one includes Derek and Emily's POVs. Thank you so much for the reviews thus far, and I hope you'll continue to enjoy this story.

On a different note, the CCOAC Criminal Minds Profiler's Choice Awards for 2014 are going on currently. I'm honored to have five categories on the final ballot: Best Team/Case ("Gone"), Best Angst ("Gone"), Best Garcia/Morgan ("Gone"), Best Post-Episode ("Flirt With Me, Dammit!"), and Best Overall Author (a HUGE shock!). Head on over there to read some of the talented works by all the nominees!

4 Months Later

"God damn!" Derek growled through gritted teeth as he came inside Penelope as she rode him. Above him, she arched her back and gasped as she, too, came. Falling forward, she rested her head against his chest.

His time with Penelope had been spectacular. Whenever the team didn't have to travel for a case, Derek managed to find a way to be with her. She made him laugh, she listened to every last fear or thought without judgement, she knew what aroused him most. On the rare nights he managed to stay at her apartment with her, she held him through a nightmare; her arms let him know he was safe and she would never let him go.

With a grin on his face, he kissed the top of her head. He wrapped his arms around her and sighed. With a slight chuckle, he ran his fingers up her spine. Penelope leaned up to look him in the eye. A devilish gleam lit up in her eyes, and she smirked. "What?" she asked.

"You're so incredible, you know that?" he murmured, moving a lock of hair behind her ear.

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah," she mumbled. "I know it's great sex."

Cupping her cheek, he shook his head. "No. You're more than great sex. You're my best friend." He gave a wide grin. "The sex ain't bad, though."

Something flashed in her eyes, something he couldn't quite read. But before he could try and decipher the mystery in her wide, doe-like eyes, she leaned forward to peck his lips. She slid off his body, and he grunted at the loss of her body heat and sweet floral scent that was mixed with sex.

"You need to get going," she murmured, sliding her satin robe on. "It's already late as it is." A forlorn look entered her expression, and she gazed at him with sadness in her eyes.

Derek sat up on her bed and cocked his head to study her. Her face began to speak volumes to him. This wasn't the first time he'd seen her look this way in the past five months of their affair. A look so full of guilt and sorrow that it looked like she would buckle over with the pain. He caught glimpses of it during the day when they were around other people, but he'd never seen it when they were together.

When they were together she was happy, the fire that he once saw every day back and burning like a lighthouse in a storm.

Throwing his legs over the side of the bed, he padded across the floor, completely naked, to stand in front of her. He put his arms around her waist and pulled her close. Planting a kiss on her nose, he murmured, "What is it?"

She stiffened in his arms but didn't push him away. "We need to look at slowing down," she admitted after a few moments of silence.

Scoffing, he pulled them backwards so they fell onto the bed. Nuzzling at her neck, he kissed her throat. "Why would we have to do that?" he complained.

She shot him a look. "Derek," she reminded him. "Sam isn't going to be gone forever. His six months is done in one."

The mention of her fiancé sent a flare of what could only be described as jealousy running through his veins. His hold on her tightened, and he pulled her closer. Sam could stay in Europe forever for all he cared. All Derek wanted was for him and Penelope to spend every waking moment wrapped in the others arms.

"Then we'll find somewhere else to do this," he said, confidently.

This time Penelope pulled away. She stared at him, appalled. "Derek," she said. "We cannot do this when he gets back. Remember? We decided we weren't doing this any longer than we needed. We were going to stop when we'd…figured things out."

He arched a brow. "And have you figured things out?" he challenged. "I know I haven't. I still need you."

She pushed him away and sat up. "See, this is what I don't get about you," she snapped. "You don't seem to feel guilty about this at all! We are cheating on Sam and Savannah! Savannah is your wife, Sam is my fiancé. And you sit here saying we should keep this up even after he gets back! Don't you feel guilty at all?"

Sitting up, he directed an incredulous stare at her. "I don't seem to remember you saying we had to stop this," he argued back, anger raising his blood pressure. "I don't hear you complaining when I'm balls deep in you." He didn't care if he sounded crude. He couldn't believe she would say this to him.

Penelope's eyes narrowed. "The difference between us right now is that you don't feel bad at all for what we're doing to them," she growled. "I feel guilty all the time to the point I'm making myself sick! Whenever I see Savannah, I just want to run and jump into the nearest frozen lake. That's how bad I feel. But you just sit there and grin like there's not a problem in the world."

"Well you sure as hell don't seem guilty when we're fucking in the same sheets you used to fuck Sam on," he fired back. As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted them. That was horrible to say. It was cruel.

Not once in their five months had he been cruel to her.

Fury splashed across her face. Lifting her arm, she pointed to her bedroom door. "Get the hell out!" she hissed. "Get your clothes, and leave!"

Rising to his feet again, he tried to cup her face in his hands. "Baby, I'm sor —"

She shoved his hands away. "You want to treat me like a cheap slut, then fine!" she yelled, pushing him away. "Get out!"

Sighing, Derek slid his clothes on and left. This time he was forced to leave without a kiss goodbye.

XXXXX

Derek arrived at his home as the time crept towards midnight. Before heading to Penelope's, he thought to text Savannah to lie about having to work late once more. He expected her to already be in bed when he entered the house however, he found his wife sitting in the kitchen.

Savannah sat at the kitchen table, a cup of tea sitting in front of her. Her eyes sat focussed on the steam rising from the mug. When Derek opened the door, though, her eyes rose to find him. She stared at him, blinking slowly.

"Hey, honey," he murmured, setting his briefcase down on the countertop. "I didn't expect you to be up so late." He went to her side and placed a kiss on the top of her head. As his lips touched her hair though, he noticed his lips were stiff. It didn't feel natural to kiss Savannah anymore. He hoped his affair with Penelope would get his lust out of his system so he could become fiery for Savannah again.

That had yet to happen. All he wanted was Penelope.

"Where have you been?" she asked, her voice soft as a caress.

He shrugged. "Working," he lied. "We've got a case tomorrow, so I wanted to get everything done before I leave."

With her eyes remaining blank, Savannah looked up at him. Derek couldn't quite tell what hid behind her dark eyes, but there was something there. Her gaze pierced through him, and for a moment, it felt like she could see every lie he'd been telling her the last half a year.

"Derek, what's really going on?" she asked, sorrowful. "You disappear constantly, you're distant…we haven't had sex in nearly six months! What's going on with you?"

Rubbing his face, Derek kept his face neutral. "Honey, I told you," he mumbled, running his hand over his head. "I've got a lot of work on my plate right now. It isn't going to be easy, but it'll be done soon."

Tears filled Savannah's eyes, and all of the sudden Derek recalled Penelope accusation of him not feeling guilty. Right then, he felt a fierce streak of guilt course through him. There was the guilt Penelope had been searching for. The remaining anger in him at her made him desire to call and gloat that he'd found it.

The other part of him — the part he couldn't name yet — just wanted to run from Savannah so he could hide and drown in Penelope.

"I miss you, Derek," she whispered. "I miss my husband."

He stared at her blankly, words not coming to his mouth. He couldn't find them. They hid from him, not wanting to be found for Savannah.

You could find them for Penelope, a voice whispered n his head.

She bit her lip and shook her head. Wiping tears that began to stream down her face, she looked back up at him with bloodshot eyes. "Are you having an affair?" she asked. Her voice could barely be heard, and she wrapped her arms around herself as she waited for the answer. "Is there someone else?"

Derek, knowing he needed to keep his secret, shook his head vigorously. She was hurting enough; she didn't need the truth to break her anymore. "No," he insisted. "Not at all. Honey, I'm just busy as hell with work. I'm sorry I've been leaving you alone, but I promise you — promise — that I will make this all up to you when this is over. We could go on a vacation."

With a stiff arm, he reached out and caressed her cheek. It didn't feel natural in any way, but he wanted to give Savannah some semblance of comfort.

Savannah rose to her feet and went towards him. Throwing her arms around his neck, she plastered her lips against his and kissed him.

Derek didn't know how to react. His muscles unconsciously tensed, and immediately his mind shot to Penelope. It felt like this kiss with Savannah was betraying Penelope in some way. It didn't even matter to him that he was thinking in reverse of how he should have been. Savannah's lips just weren't Penelope's.

"Make love to me, then," she whispered, moving back to look him directly in the eye. "I miss you so much." Her hands started to roam over his chest, searching for a way to arouse his passions.

Panicking, Derek's eyes grew wide as plates. Savannah's touch no longer aroused him. There would be no way they could have sex with his body not reacting to her.

Grasping her wrists, he shook his head. "Honey," he murmured. "I'm tired. I've been working all damn day and right now I just want to sleep."

His answer should have been, I'm too damn tired from having three rounds of earth-shattering sex with my best friend.

Dropping her hands, Savannah bent her head and choked on a cry. Derek didn't know what to do; all he could do was stare at her, uncertain. Turning to go, Savannah nodded. "I want you back, Derek," she begged. "Just finish your work soon so I can have my husband back."

When Savannah disappeared out of the kitchen, Derek remained with his eyes trained on the floor. Now he felt horrible for what he'd been doing to Savannah. Even with her out of the room, though, part of her lingered with him. Her last statement rang in his ears.

Was she ever truly going to get him back?

XXXXX

Four months of fear.

Emily couldn't remember the last night of true sleep she got. Every day she went through a vicious cycle of terror that the people she loved wouldn't be kept safe. She would close her eyes for a moment before jerking awake with the realization she couldn't sleep. Many of the nights she was home she found herself pacing in front of Noah's bedroom door, guarding him like a watchmen over their castle.

Doyle's activities in the last four months could only be described as shadowy. She knew he was watching her, keeping her afraid of every threat that wasn't there. He sent her flowers, mementos from their years together, photos of what he planned to do to her.

He had yet to mention Noah or Aaron though, something Emily couldn't decide was good or bad. He could have been saving something worse for them. It also became clear he had no idea where Declan was.

So far, Emily's tactics for protecting her family were working.

While Doyle and his little messages showed his unsuccessful attempts at finding her son, she found herself nowhere closer to finding Declan either. Even with the expert help of Garcia she found herself no closer to finding the son she lost. After stealing Declan away from his father's estate with the help of his nanny, Emily sent them ahead to the States while she finished up the case against Ian Doyle.

When she returned, she found that Louise, Declan's nanny, had disappeared with her son. Emily had no idea where they went, what had become of them. She knew for a fact no one had harmed them; she would have found out from someone who would gloat at killing the son of Ian Doyle, someone who few knew about.

But it was his disappearance that kept her from having him, from raising him so he would know who she was. To protect him though, she took it as an opportunity to let Declan live a life without fear of his father's ghosts coming back for him.

From her front door, she heard a knock. Glancing at the clock, she smiled. It was six o'clock in the evening. Noah would be getting home soon. The team had returned from a case just that morning, and Aaron decided to pick up their son up so he could spend the day with him.

Rising from her couch, Emily padded across her living room to answer the door. When she opened it, she found Noah and Aaron standing on her porch. A grin spread across her face, and she knelt down to open her arms for her son.

"Mom!" Noah exclaimed, throwing his arms around his mother's neck to hug her tightly.

After doing nothing but thinking of Declan for the past few hours, Emily couldn't imagine anything greater than being able to hold one of her children in her arms. She closed her eyes and held Noah tightly, never wanting to let him go.

"Hey, buddy," she murmured, kissing the side of his head. "Did you have a good day with Dad?"

Noah moved back and grinned widely up at Aaron. "We had loads of fun," he said. "Dad picked me up from school, and then we went to the park and played baseball all afternoon."

Emily looked up at Aaron and gave him a nod. Since their tryst four months ago when they were supposed to plan Noah's birthday party, neither of them had an easy time looking one another in the eye. She knew she'd hurt him; she saw it in his eyes the moment they saw each other the day after sleeping together. She hated herself for doing this to him.

But neither of them spoke about it at all. Silence kept it in the dark, and for Emily, if she could keep quiet about it, it could be as if it never happened.

She would be lying though if she said she didn't continue to think about that night. His hands roaming her body stayed imprinted in her brain. Sometimes she swore she could still feel them dancing across her skin.

"Aaron," she said in greeting.

He nodded. "Hello, Emily." A guard stood before his voice, protecting him from any possible emotional curveballs she could throw his way.

She didn't blame him, but that didn't stop her gut from rolling with guilt. With all her heart she wished she could tell him what was going on, why she was acting the way she was…maybe even explain why she'd never been able to tell him anything during their marriage.

Protecting him was more important than having him know what was going on.

Rising from the ground, she kept her hands on Noah's shoulders. She cocked her head at Hotch. "Do we have a case tomorrow?" she asked.

Sighing deeply, Aaron nodded. "Unfortunately," he said. "We're headed to Michigan."

"Aww, you guys are leaving again?" Noah asked, pouting his lips.

Emily looked away from Aaron and down at their son. She ruffled his hair. "I know, bud," she said. "But we'll be back sooner than you know it. And tonight I was planning on ordering us a pizza."

Immediately, Noah's expression brightened. "No healthy food?" he yelped, excited.

She chewed her lip, attempting not to laugh. "Uh, no," she said, dashing the hopes of her son. "We'll be making something with veggies. But we can still get the pizza."

Noah heaved a heavy sigh. "Fine," he huffed.

Emily looked back up at Aaron. He smiled at Noah, but as soon as he felt her eyes on him, his smile fell from his face. Coughing, he tilted his head toward the driveway.

"Well, er, I'm going to get going," he said, his voice terse. Looking back at his son, Aaron's face widened with a smile once again. "Come give me a hug before I leave, bud."

Noah walked toward Aaron and wrapped his arms around his waist. "I love you, Dad," he said.

"Love you, too, bud," he murmured, planting a kiss on the top of Noah's head.

Breaking out of his father's arms, Noah made his way for the door once more. He looked up at his mother and grinned. "I'm gonna go look at the pizza menu!" he chirped, disappearing inside.

Emily and Aaron were left staring at one another in an uncomfortable silence. Once their eyes met, they held one another's gaze. His dark ones held a connection with hers, and instantly she felt a shiver run up her spine.

How is it only he can make me feel this way? she asked herself.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow," she murmured after several moments. She gave him a small smile, attempting to make a joke. "Wheels up, right?"

Aaron just nodded. "Yeah," he muttered, turning to go without a word.

Emily watched him walk to his car, get in, and leave. Sighing just like Noah would, she went back inside to find her son. She found him sitting at the kitchen table on his tablet, scrolling through his tablet on an online pizza menu. Plopping down next to him, she kissed the top of his head.

"What're you thinking for pizza, dude?" Emily asked, looking over his shoulder to see what he was looking at.

Noah grinned. "Pepperoni," he said. "And garlic knots!"

Laughing, Emily ruffled his hair again. "Who would've known?" she joked.

As Noah scrolled through the menu, Emily watched him. Here in front of her sat a boy she would die for, and somewhere out there in the world was a brother he didn't even know he had. With all of Doyle's messages and scare tactics, she wanted to soak in every image of her child she could. As past experience with Declan told her, she could never be sure when that last image would be.

That evening, as she was putting a sleepy Noah to bed, a thought formed in her head. She didn't know how this would end with Doyle. All she knew was her nemesis wouldn't be harming Noah and Aaron.

What she didn't know was what would happen to her at the end of all of this.

XXXXX

Emily knocked on Garcia's door, her knuckles rapping lightly against the wood. The team was back from their four day case in the small town of Lowell, Michigan, and Emily hadn't heard from her perky technical analyst friend about any of her progress finding Declan.

"Unless it's Morgan, you can come in!" Penelope's voice called.

Thank God I'm not Morgan, Emily thought as she pushed the door open. Penelope sounded more pissed than she had in a long time. Emily had no idea what was going on with Penelope and Morgan that had them in the fight of the decade, but she didn't have time to care.

Emily entered Garcia's office to find her typing away angrily at the computer. Penelope's face sat scrunched up, a deep frown plastered across her features. She looked ready to commit murder over someone spilling coffee on her operating systems.

Arching a brow, she went to sit on the desk so she could see Penelope's face. Fury blazed behind her pink and red glasses, and it seemed as if she were on the verge of tears.

"Garcie?" Emily murmured.

"Huh?" Penelope snapped, typing away.

"What're you so pissed about?" Emily asked. Part of her wanted to jump right in and demand any information on Declan Garcia could offer. But she knew if she wanted it and wanted it properly, she needed to calm her seething friend.

Penelope's face broke when she looked up at Emily, but her tears remained at bay. "Nothing," she muttered with a pout. A stern look from Emily made her roll her eyes and huff. "Morgan and I are having a fight." She hung her head like her admission made her weak.

Giving Penelope's shoulder a squeeze, Emily forced herself to remain understanding, even though her brain was screaming to ask about the progress finding Declan. "You wanna talk about it?"

Lower lip trembling, Penelope shook her head. "I'm just pissed at him," she muttered. "He said something horrible to me, and then…" She clamped her mouth shut and shook her head. "No. No, I don't want to talk about that jerk bucket. It'll only make me more upset!"

Emily arched a brow. She thought back to Morgan's behavior the last few days while they'd been away in Michigan. He'd been moody, snapping at everyone like an alligator getting irritated by someone poking him with a stick. Aaron even sent him back to the hotel early when it appeared as though Morgan was going to tackle the unsub in the interrogation room.

"You wanna tell me what he said to you?" Emily asked, patient as she could.

"No," Penelope stated firmly. "I'm just…" Her voice trailed off. An unbelievably sad look entered her eyes, and she shook her head. "I'm just not going to talk about him." She spoke the last sentence with a note of finality. Wiping her eyes despite the fact they were dry, she nodded. "What's up, Emily?"

Without another thought, Emily jumped right in. "I need to know if you've found anything since our last weekly meeting," she demanded. "Anything at all."

Penelope sighed. "Black Beauty, the answer is the same as it was last week," she said. "I've done —"

A flash of irritation sparked through Emily. "Garcia, how can you find so many different things about every damn unsub in the country, but you can't find anything on a single boy?" she snapped.

Seeing the shift in Emily's behavior, Garcia frowned. She remained silent for a long moment, watching to see if Emily would make another move. Emily saw her friend couldn't quite see what to make of her. "Emily, who is this boy?" she asked in wonder. "We've been looking for him for months now. If I can't find him now, I don't know how I'll find him later. Everything we've been doing isn't working."

"Who he is is my business," Emily said. "Right now, I just need you to find him."

"And right now I'm telling you we need to think about giving up on someone who won't be found," Penelope argued back.

Fists clenching into tight balls, Emily growled through gritted teeth, "Garcia, when someone is important to you, you will do anything to be with them. So that's why I need you to keep helping me. I need to find this boy."

Penelope blinked several times, her expression softening. "Emily, please tell me who he is," she pleaded. "It might help me find him."

"If I tell you that information, it could put you in danger," Emily explained. "And I won't do that to you. I just need your help to find him. You're safer with the less you know."

Staring at her for a moment, Penelope nodded slowly. "I'll do whatever I can to find him," she murmured. "I promise."

Moving away from the desk, Emily moved to Penelope and hugged her. "Thank you," she murmured in her ear. "I really need this."

Penelope hugged her back. "I don't know who this is to you, but he must be important," she said. "So now he's important to me."

Even those small words, even know Penelope would never understand Declan's importance, Emily still took comfort in hearing her words.

And for a split second, she felt like maybe she wasn't alone.