Interview with the Fushigi Yuugi cast! Chapter 10: Never Cheat on the Host, a fushigi yuugi fanfic

Interview with the Fushigi Yuugi Cast!

By: Black Michaelis

B.N: Halu halu! I'm so, SO sorry for not updating. It's just that I have so many things to do like memorize the whole Periodic Table (if you guys see anything like sodium, magnesium and other elements in this chapter, I'm sorry, cause my head is full of elements right now) and SOMEONE blocked Fanfiction so I can't go to MA+ sites (just kidding. DON'T TELL MY MUM!) But of course I'm a hacker and unblocked everything (Don't ask me how 'cause I forgot. Try pressing random buttons it should work. But if your computer explodes… well… just give me some cookies… and you know…. *awkward turtle*) ANYWAY, just enjoy this chapter. And by the way, some characters might be a bit ooc here, just warning yah!

Disclaimer: I do not own the following FY characters.

Part 7: Never Cheat on the Host

"Yo people whazzup?" The Host greeted happily "Today, I'm giving out free cookies!" (Take note: They're virtual for the readers) She announced as she threw cookie jars at the audience, causing some people to get hit in the head, pass out and get trampled all over. So in simple words, they're dead and no one cares. The people fought over it (since they read the special and found out its really good) and some planned to sell it on eBay.

The cast eyed her suspiciously. She raised her forefinger and announced "And I'm not planning to rape anyone today!" All the people stopped what they were doing and looked at the Host with widened eyes, "YEHAY!" The people cheered and cried like it was the end of the war and gained their independence.

Still grinning, the Host swayed from side to side happily like she was listening to her favourite song. "You look very happy today." Tasuki said as he continued to eye the strange acting Host. "Don't tell me, you just raped Zach Effron?"

The Host laughed "Oh you silly boy and your silly imagination! I raped Zach years ago what are you talking about? The reason why I'm happy today is because it's me and my boyfriend's anniversary today! Isn't that wonderful!~~" She sighed dreamingly and drool coming out at the corners of her lips.

Suboshi gasped loudly "NAAANNNIIII? You have a boyfriend? NOOOOOOOOO!~~~~" Suboshi dramatically knelt down and cried in despair.

"Why are you so affected?" Amiboshi asked.

Suboshi blinked and sat back to his chair and laughed nervously "Wha-what are you talking about?"

The Host punched the air "Ho 'kay! Let's start the interview! Our asker for today is Akimoto Tsubaki! Welcome back! The first dare is for Nakago."

Nakago sighed and put a finger on his temples "What am I doing here?"

"The dare is: Nakago you have to dress up like Tamahome and eat Miaka's cooking." Nakago sighed again before he left and went to the dressing room. When everyone was waiting, the song "I'm Sexy and I Know It" song rang in the studio. The Host pulled out her phone from her pocket and answered "Hello?... Hi darling! Why did you call me?... Eh… What?... What are you talking about?... You can't be serious?" The Host continued to talk to the phone while Nakago came back wearing Tamahome's red and white Chinese clothes and sat on the chair facing a table full of Miaka's cooking.

Miaka clapped and smiled "I woke up really early just to cook those!"

Nakago narrowed his eyes and poked the unidentified thing on the plate with chopsticks "I think it's still alive."

While the Host, still talking on her phone, grew a large dangerous aura around her and her usual happy rapist smile not visible. Her crimson eyes flashed dangerously and her eyebrows furrowed. Everyone, except Miaka and Nakago, looked at the Host with fear and quivered as they huddled together. "You… you can't do this to me." She spoke in a low dangerous tone, far from her rape-ishy happy tone. This one sounded like she's going to dig someone's heart with a wooden spoon and sell it on eBay.

Nakago took a little piece from the plate and slowly chewed it. He coughed it out; spitting it on the plate "This is the most disgusting, filthiest food I've ever eaten. I can't believe I'm actually this piece of shit."

Miaka's eyes widened "What did you say blondie? I woke up really early just to cook that-that your so called "piece of shit" just for you to criticize it? You ARROGANT JERK!" Miaka jumped at the table and attacked Nakago.

Meanwhile, the people started to fear for their own lives. The once cheerful and happy rapist is now a dangerous psycho killer with glowing demonic red eyes (if you ask me how she does that, well I don't know either). Still clutching the phone, she spoke in a low bloodcurdling voice "I swear I'll make you pay. I won't let you go easily. Say your last prayers… I will hunt you down and chop your dick off you two timing son of a bitch." She ended the call and crushed her phone between her grasp and threw at the random cameraman.

"FINISH IT!" Miaka screamed.

"No." Nakago replied.

The Host stood up, blood crimson and black aura emitting behind her as she walked towards the table. She then looked at Nakago, who is unnerving at the moment, with her dangerously glowing eyes "You men always make girls cry, brake their hearts, hopes and dreams. EAT THAT SHIT NOW!"

Nakago scoffed "Make me."

The Host glared "If you don't eat that now.. I'll brake your balls like the way you men brake our HEARTS! I'm gonna chop your fucking (censor), put it on the blender with soy sauce and a used condom and make you DRINK IT!"

Everyone had their mouth hanging open at the Host's outburst, not because of her threat, but the ability to make their life a living hell. Nakago had no choice but to finish his food.

The Host smiled and sat back down to her couch, her smile was stretched, it was not the molester one, but the Jack the Ripper kind of smile. "Now, whoever doesn't follow my orders will be punished by being burned in Hell. BWAHAHAHAHIHIHIHIHIHIHI!"

"I think she totally lost it." Hotohori mumbled.

The Host stopped and had a serious "Fuck yea" meme face "Now Tamahome, this question is for you." Tamahome gulped and prayed that his question isn't humiliating. "Who was the better kisser? Nuriko, Miaka, Soi or Nakago?"

"Of course… Miaka."

Soi scoffed as she crossed her arms "Yeah right. As if you didn't enjoy our tongue wrestling."

Miaka gasped and her eyes grew wide open "You did WHAT?"

Tamahome shifted his eyes from side to side "Wha-what? What are you talking about you ho?"

On her couch, the Host cried, rubbing her eyes full of tears as she spoke and mumbled some words that sounded gibberish "He-he cheated at me with that slut! Wahahaha! Hrcwqch fwefg udbhwq kjcwh eufvq ishci wdfbc wkndc gewbck anlxmag fuwgjb wegjcjvbe gvjbcgfownck!" Try reading that I dare you, can't say it can you? The Host went back to her serious self "Okay next question. Hotohori, if you had never known that Nuriko was a guy, would you have given him a chance?" The Host sneered "All good looking guys now are either gay, taken or fictional characters." She stated as she stuffed emo cookies with skull chocolate toppings in her mouth.

Hotohori thought for a moment as he leaned back to the couch "Maybe not." The yaoi fan girls pouted "Awwww…." They said in unison.

"You see, I'm still in love with Miaka. I would do anything for my dearest love! If I have to fight the strongest seas! Climb the highest mountains – " he was the rudely interrupted by the Host.

"Yeah, yeah whatever. Oh! I would even give up life itself for my one and true love!~" she mockingly mimic Hotohori and her face turned into a malice looking face "You know what I can say about you assholes, hm?" she glared at the men "Bullshit. Total bullshit." She centered her gaze at Hotohori "Don't say things that you know are impossible. You would die for her? Do you know what will the person you die for feel? Guilt. Loneliness and the ugly feeling of poignant scaring their heart. Maybe you say, it's for her own good. Well fuck yea! People can't move on that easily 'cause apparently they're still in love with the person who died for them who went straight to Hell, and they can't fall in love 'cause they feel guilty about you assholes dying for the sake of your love and crap! All I could say is don't die and kidnap a passerby and let them the one to die."

Everyone had their mouth hanging at the Host's another outburst. Everyone stood up and clapped their hands. The Host glared at everyone "Shut up!" everyone stopped. Then the Host's molester smile came back to her lips "Oh I was just kidding! Go on! Continue clapping! Ihihihihihihi!" She then turned her head in front of the camera with a creepy, wide stretch smile, like the smile of Light from Death Note when he said "I win" or something, I can't remember, in the end. "Darling, if you're watching right now," she raised her middle finger "Fuck yea." She faced back to the people and ordered them to stop.

"Thank you for that. You guys really made me feel better. Okay last question of the day! Chichiri! Have you ever had any fantasies about Miaka? And I'm also curious if you and Yui were to have a conversation, what would the topic be?"

"No, I never had one, you know?" Chichiri quickly replied. "I am faithful to my dearest deceased love, that I would even sell my soul to the devil, you kn – " he was then interrupted when Sebastian appeared before him.

"So, would you consider forming a contract with me? I'll be your loyal servant!"

"Eh…"

The Author came bursting open the door with her flame thrower as she barges in to the Interview room "Sebastian! What are you doing?"

"M-Mistress! L-look… I-I can explain.."

"Are you trying to break our contract?"

"What contract?"

The Author narrowed her eyes at the demon butler "I don't want my servants slacking, now go back there and finish my assignments!"

"But aren't you supposed to be the one who's doing them?"

"Are you questioning my orders? Now put your ass back there so I can continue playing Halo Rich."

"Please my lady, just give me a break. I promise I'll do what you want afterwards!"

"You're supposed to anyway!" With that, she dragged the now, stressful demon back to wherever they're from. OOC ALERT! OOC ALERT!

"Anyway, about my other question," the monk spoke as he cleared his throat awkwardly "don't know what to talk about, you know?" she turned to face Yui "Do you like fishing?"

"Well… kinda.." Yui answered.

The Host gasped as she remembered something "OH! I want you guys to meet someone! Have you guys met Helga?"

An old woman in a black leathered, revealing corset and a g-string entered the room. The kids have to cover their grandparent's eyes; they might have a heart attack. "Hi boys!~" she greeted in a hoarse voice. Everyone's hair jump up at the sight of the old hag.

Suboshi remembered the touch of the old woman in his skin and he shivered in disgust. Helga turned to him and grinned, her pink teeth-less gum showing "Oh look who's here! The same young man I met few days ago! You were so horny back then!~~" she then slowly made her towards him.

Suboshi climbed up at the couch, desperate to GTFO "No! No! Leave me alone! Abby! Get this hag away from me please! I'm begging you!

Tasuki closed his eyes and tried to get rid of the ugly image in his mind of the person in front of him "I just saw my life flash before mah life."

"This is my step grandma and she's a guest here in the show." The Host introduced "But she won't be here all the time, though." Everyone sighed in relief.

Tomo spoke "Oh, even though she's your step grandmother, I can see the resemblance."

The Host waved goodbye "See you guys again!"

Then Helga forced the camera to face her (cameraman not looking) "I'll be seeing you guys too!~" then she sent a flying kiss towards the readers.

(Readers behind the screen): Oh shit! *dodges the flying kiss*

B.N: Did you guys like it? I'm sorry if it isn't, my humor is lacking out 'cause of the homework. You guys can also ask question to Helga and the Host.

I'm planning another FY story, featuring, the Host. She's just a simple high school girl with a strict General in the Navy as a mother and a hot supermodel and fashion designer as a dad, but she has a bad hobby (you guys know what it is). But one night, her parents were kidnapped and Taiitsukun showed up. She was transported to the book of the Four Gods to rescue her parents… and to… rape people.

And one more thing! Please do read my upcoming FY story "Under the Rain" it's YuixNuriko fanfic. Please read it! It will be out soon! But this story will not be that funny though, but it is sure sad.

Thanks for the continuous support of Akimoto Tsubaki and The Fighting Demon of 7012! Love yah guys!

Please review!

And here's a funny script I did for my English class, hope you guys like it!

This is The Crack Flash News. (some retarded news theme song)

News Anchor: Good morning, evening, konnichiwa, anyoung haseyo to everyone. Today, we have heard from a drugged addict doctor that there was a new epidemic that was spreading throughout our maniac world. Buttface!

Buttface (reporter): Buttface here to report! We are now in front of the said addict doctor who assumed there was a new fast spreading deadly disease. Doctor, what is this disease you have affirmed?

Doctor: *hiccups* yes, it is known as… The Beiber Fever.

Buttface: *gasp* the Beiber Fever?

Doctor: Yes, the Beiber Fever

Buttface: The Beiber Fever

Beaver: Hey! Why you accuse us beavers eh? We have nothing to do with this! *has a chainsaw*

Buttface: It's Bie-ber not bea-ver.

Beaver: Oh sorry, it sounded the same so.. hehehe.. you want some log?

Doctor: It mostly strikes young girls from *hiccups* ages one to one hundred. It can cause some fainting, squealing, heart swelling, heart exploding, fast heart thumping! And… the worst.. THE BEIBER WAVE HAIR!.. humping.. err..

Buttface: This is.. one extraordinary disease I've ever heard. We have witnessed earlier a young.. err… 60 year old granny had this Beiber Fever attack and it was.. flabbergasting. This is the said video of the young.. unfortunate granny as he pwned this yound man.

Granny: ooooh! Shing shing, shing shing Ooooohhh! Shing shing, shing shing Oooohhh! You know you love me! I know you care!

Random guy hugged by granny: ououououououhgyut.. RAPE! HELP ME! I'M TOO YOUNG!

Granny: I wanna make love with you boy! I'm a one less lonely girl! *tries to kiss the poor guy*

Guy: UUUUWWWWWAAAAHHHHHHH! NOT MY FIRST KISS! NOT MY FIIRSSTTT KISSSS! MOMME –

Granny: *full French kissing the boy*

Buttface: This is buttface, reporting!

News Anchor: *has the WTF face* that was.. VERY disturbing. So this is what they call a pedophile porn. Anyway, that's all people. And be very careful. This disease is contagious –

Granny (at studio): I'm a lesbian! *runs to the News Anchor*

News Anchor: AAAAHHHHH! Call the Pedo-poliiiiiicceee!