A/N: Thanks for all the reviews, I am so pleased you're all enjoying this story. I want to thank the new reviewers, and the ghost readers. I appreciate you all. I know you all want E/O and some of you want smut, I am exploring Elliot and Olivia's relationship differently to some writers. I feel this story has potential to really dig deep into the reality of the situation they are in, and the emotional side of things too. I'm going to explore Olivia's emotions as the trial gets imminently closer.
'Dear Diary,
Ellie has once again taught me more than I ever thought possible. She's a very smart girl, sometimes I wonder how she became so smart considering her mother home schooled her, and in that time, only taught Ellie how much beer one woman can take.
Oh, and bigger news than Ellie teaching me another lesson is Elliot. I've always wanted him, I've always dreamed of being with him, being involved with him in a relationship rather than a partnership. Today, he told me he loves me, he's fallen out of love with Kathy, and fallen in love with me. I'm shocked, I don't know what to say, I told him I wasn't ready for this, not now. Not with Ellie and my own trial, but I could see the pain and rejection in his eyes. I turned and ran. Literally ran. I couldn't bare to look at him, his eyes said everything I have felt every time he has spoken about Kathy or his kids. Every time he mentioned how happy he was with his family, I still remember how crushed I've felt, but yet I know in my heart, I can't be with him right now. I have Ellie to look after, and although she's a smart young lady, she's still only a child. I have my case to think about, I need to mentally prepare myself to face Harris.
Right now, I don't think Elliot is really thinking about me, and what's going on in my life. He's thinking about how he feels, and putting all his feelings out there, but I just can't reciprocate them. I don't want to speak ill of Elliot, I love him and always have, but he hasn't considered what I'm going through, all he's done is told me how he feels. It's just really bad timing.
I need to check on Ellie, then get some sleep myself. I'm shattered, and tomorrow I have a meeting with Alex to run through my statement with her.
O.B.'
Olivia woke up the following morning with a headache, she pushed back the cover that had kept her warm throughout the night. She ran her fingers through her hair and pulled it back into a ponytail. Creeping slowly through the living room; Olivia went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Getting in, Olivia felt the water spray over her; the warm water beaded on her forehead then slipped down her face.
Ten minutes later, Olivia forced herself out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her body. Leaving the bathroom, Olivia smiled as she saw Ellie on the couch, "Morning Ellie, you hungry?"
"Starving, I even had a dream about food." she laughed.
"I'll get dressed and make some eggs." Olivia said walking into her bedroom. She closed the door, got dried and dressed for work. Smelling bacon, Olivia popped her head out of the door, then walked out and into the kitchen. "Ellie?"
"I'm in here." Ellie called out.
"Are you cooking?" Olivia asked with a smile on her face.
"Maybe. I wanted to make you breakfast for a change. Anyway, you have to go to work and need a big breakfast to kick start the day. You have bacon, eggs and English sausage, toast and a fried tomato, just like they do in England."
Olivia's smile grew slightly bigger, "Have you ever been to England?" she asked sitting down at the small table.
"Nope, but one of my friends went a couple of years ago and sent me a postcard. I've always been interested in their history, plus, I kinda want to meet the Queen." Ellie giggled as she put a plate of food in front of Olivia.
"Well maybe one day we'll go." Olivia picked up her knife and fork and began eating. "Mmm, this is really good."
"I've always wanted to try it, but my mom never bought the food I needed." Ellie paused, "Olivia, are we going to do anything for Thanksgiving?"
"Damn it!" Olivia said suddenly realising she had forgotten all about Thanksgiving. "To be honest sweetheart, I haven't thought about it."
"It's okay, I've never had a Thanksgiving meal, so I'm not really fussed about missing the food. I'd always make a special effort and make a table decoration though, and when I ate my sandwich or whatever was in the house, I'd always give thanks, pray for a better tomorrow, and then eat."
Olivia carried on eating and flashed a smile, "I'll tell you what, I've had Thanksgiving booked off for a few weeks, why don't I see if we can get a small turkey and all the trimmings, we'll cook dinner together and have a cosy little dinner."
"That sounds awesome. We only have two days, I could go out today and get some potatoes and stuff."
"Are you sure?" Olivia said weary of letting Ellie go out alone.
"I'm sixteen, I'll be fine. Promise." Ellie confirmed.
"Okay, take the spare key, call me as soon as you get back, I'll write my cell phone number and my desk number down and leave it by the phone."
"Olivia, you're panicking. I'll be fine."
Olivia arrived at the precinct, she headed straight for her desk. Sitting down, she flicked through some files on her desk until she got to Ellie's. Reading through it she realised she hadn't seen any DNA results back from Warner. Picking up the phone, Olivia waited for Doctor Warner to pick up; after two rings, she heard the woman's tired voice on the end of the phone.
"Hi Melinda." Olivia said happily.
"Olivia, you sound happy. What can I help you with?" Melinda asked.
"Eleanor Rigby. I haven't had any DNA results back on her rape kit; please tell me you found some fluids."
"I take it you have a suspect, and you're waiting for me to name him." Warner said smiling, she picked up a manilla NYPD folder; "Liv, I don't think you're going to like this; the fluid in the rape kit is a positive match to officer Leo Johnson."
"Melinda, that's good news. Well, sort of. Ellie identified him as her rapist." Olivia felt a hand on her back and turned around, she saw Alex standing behind her. "Thanks Melinda, I'll be down to collect the results in about an hour." Olivia hung up the phone and turned in her seat. "Morning." she said still rather happy.
"Morning to you too chirpy. Why are you so happy?" Alex asked in her crisp voice.
"Just got a result on your next case, positive DNA match from a rape kit." Olivia informed.
"Good, that should make things nice and easy." Alex said not knowing the full case details. "Are you ready to go over your statement?"
"As I'll ever be." Olivia said, she got up and walked into the interrogation room closest to her desk. She went in and as Alex followed, she closed the door. Olivia took a seat wearily, "I get how intimidating this is now." Olivia confessed.
Alex smiled softly and sat down, "Liv, it's fine. Take a deep breath, and we'll start when you're ready."
Olivia closed her eyes, inhaled and then exhaled; she looked at Alex, "I'm good to go."
"Okay, you know Harris' lawyer is going to put a lot of pressure on you to contradict yourself. He's going to pull at everything he can, and he will try and tie you in knots. His name is Jeffrey Tuffin and he's the biggest jackass you're ever going to meet in a court room. Well, the biggest jackass who isn't on trial. He plays games, and he will make you relive every moment of your attack. I need you to be one hundred percent positive you can do this Liv."
Olivia listened carefully, "I can do this."
"Right, I've prepared some questions Tuffin might ask you." Alex opened her folder on the desk, she had hand written some questions, picking up the first sheet of paper Alex looked at Olivia. "These are designed for you to crack under the pressure, Tuffin will go around all the houses to get you to admit it was consensual, just stick to the truth, don't get agitated, and even if you feel like you're ready to hand him his ass, don't let it show."
"I know. Thanks Alex." Olivia said softly still trying to mentally prepare herself.
Alex stood up making her height over Olivia almost intimidating, "Detective Benson, tell me about the attack you claim you suffered whist in Sealview." Alex said making constant eye contact.
"Harris hand cuffed me, I was meant to be going to the hold in C block, but instead he took me into the basement. I thought he was moving me for protection, I asked him why he was taking me to the basement, rather than the hold, but all he told me was to shut up. I apologised for freaking out, but again he told me to shut up and do as I was told, that's when I saw the two mattresses, one on top of the other. I asked him what he wanted, and he said, 'What every guy wants', then he grabbed my face, pushed his mouth against my ear and said, 'And you're going to give it to me'. He became very physical with me, pushing me onto the mattress, I started screaming for help, I remember him laughing at me." Olivia felt a lump rising in her throat, she felt sick and took a deep breath in to mask the shaking in her voice. She blinked away the tears, then thought back to what happened next, "He had me by the throat, I'd managed to get up, I kept begging him, 'Please don't, please don't', he leant in and tried to kiss me, I was still screaming for help. Harris took the cuffs off me, I turned around and hit him, I ran. I was crouched down hiding, and I could hear him pushing things over as he got closer, he said I was playing games and that I was welcome to play them, because he knew them all. He said the last one who tried to escape wound up dead. He said, 'The longer he has to wait, the harder it's going to be.' He found me, I said, 'You win' and got up, he said, 'That's more like it' and told me to get out, so I did as I was told, with my hands raised above my head to show I wasn't a threat to him, then he beat me, I fell to my knees but as he got closer, I managed to elbow him in the stomach. Again, I ran, I got to the door and I was screaming 'Help me', Harris came up behind me and hit me again; I fell to my knees, that's when he tried to force me to give him oral sex, then he said, 'If you bite me, you're dead'. Then I heard Detective Tutuola, he saved me."
Alex stood in shock, she had read Olivia's statement, but seeing her pale with tears in her eyes hit hard. Alex had to shake herself back into reality as Olivia looked at her, "So you attacked my client, Mr Harris?" she said still role playing as Tuffin, not letting up on Olivia emotionally at all.
"I acted in self defence." Olivia replied blankly realising that no matter what she had been through, she was there to tell the facts as it happened. Her emotions made her vulnerable.
"You remember a lot of your attack in detail. Are you sure you're not filling in blanks with what you think might have happened?" Alex asked, she could feel a swarm of hornets in her stomach as she put her friend through so much pain.
"I remember it, exactly as it happened. It was the worst experience of my life, I will never forget a word he said to me." Olivia said finding her fighting spirit returning to her.
"You offered yourself to go undercover in Sealview, correct?"
"That's right." Olivia said.
"Why? You willingly put yourself in prison with dangerous criminals, for what exactly? To me this just sounds like you were on a glory search."
Olivia felt her blood beginning to boil, she felt the anger rise in her, she had to take a moment to remind herself that Alex was only trying to prepare her for court. "I went undercover because a woman had been raped by a prison officer."
"What did you mean by 'You win'?
"What?" Olivia asked confused at the sudden change in questions.
"You told Mr Harris that he won. What did you mean by that?"
Olivia took a deep breath, "I wanted Harris to think I was being compliant and submissive, once he thought he was in charge, he relaxed enough to give me a chance of escape."
"Well done Liv." Alex said breathing a sigh of relief on her own behalf.
Olivia looked at Alex and felt her body slump slightly, "I'm glad that's over, if I was ever going to commit a crime, I'm not now, not if I have to go against you in court." Olivia said trying to smile.
Alex smiled, "I'm sorry, I know the questions were tough but I don't think mine are going to compare to Tuffin's. You need to be prepared, tell it exactly how it happened."
"I know Alex," Olivia said, "This isn't my first time in court."
"No, but it is the first time you've been on this side of the court room. If you need anything Liv, just call me."
"I will, thanks Alex." Olivia got up, wiped her eyes and walked out of the interrogation room. She went back to her desk and picked up the phone, she dialled her home number and waited for Ellie to pick up.
"Hello." Ellie said wearily.
"Ellie it's me. Are you okay?"
"Yeah I'm fine, I've just got back with all our Thanksgiving food. Are you okay? You sound like you've been crying."
"I'm fine sweetheart, it's just been an emotional start to the day. I have some good news for you, Elliot is in the area, he'll pick you up."
"Okay." Ellie said hanging up the phone.
Ellie arrived with Elliot at the one – six. Ellie made her way over to Olivia's desk, "What's the emergency?"
"No emergency, I have some good news for you." Olivia took a folder from her desk and opened it, "I have the results back from your rape kit, the DNA is a match to Johnson." Olivia closed the folder, "That's what we call a slam dunk."
Ellie threw her arms around Olivia's neck, "Thank you so, so much."