Hello everyone, chapter 10 is long overdue. I got sucked in another fandom, i had a hard time getting out.
Thank you again for the reviews, those always make my day.
The night was still covering the land when Xena woke up, sleep eluding her. Her discussion the day before with the Amazon Queen was still ringing in her head. Was she capable of letting the past behind her once and for all ?
The Queen wanted forgiveness. Could she give her that ?
Remembering their life together, she thought they were happy but Gabrielle was right, she never questioned their relationship. Being together, that was all that mattered for Xena back then.
Together they were unstoppable.
She never forgot, she didn't want to forget. What she had felt for Gabrielle changed her, something she tried to ignore, even bury. The way she was seeing the world had been different with the Amazon at her side.
She experienced love, she knew how devastating it could be but it made her who she was now. It took her years but she finally accepted it. Gabrielle showed her how wonderful it felt to be loved.
That's what pushed her to make the trip to Amphipolis. She wanted to turn her life around. She knew how to love now and she had someone to share it with.
##
"A messenger my Lord" Patrocle informed handing his Lord a scroll.
After her reunion with Gabrielle she requested a lenghty report from her men in Roman territories. Despite what she had told the Queen, she knew the Romans enough to be more than suspicious of their behavior. Amphipolis' attack and the prisoner's interrogatory only confirmed her thoughts.
"You were right" Patrocle added gloomily.
Indeed, she was.
"Should I fetch Queen Gabrielle ?" Offered her second in command.
"We will wait to be in Corinth to share our informations with the Queen." Patrocle wanted to argue with her before thinking better of it, an action not lost on the Conqueror. "I know your feelings for her Patrocle. We both know Queen Gabrielle has a way to make men and women question their loyalty. Should I be worried ?"
Genuine shock and hurt painted the man's face at these words. "I pledged fealty to Greece's ruler not to the Amazons. I certainly hope I never gave you reasons to doubt my loyalty. I just don't want us to forget that the Amazons are our allies, not the enemy."
"As long as you do not kid yourself on my intention." The man looked questioningly at his Lord. Xena glared at him wanting to make sure he understood where they all stood. "Greece prevails over the fate of Queen Gabrielle. Anyone who fails to remember that will be considered a traitor to the Empire."
Alexa woke up with a start, her breath short. Since Amphipolis' attack her sleep was plagued by nightmares. She looked around, the sun was rising. The Royal Guard already cleaned up the camp, everyone was apparently ready to go.
She took her time to regain some composure. Her need to freshen up, to clear her mind pushed her to move from her spot. Seeing her awake, Sefu saluted her before following her to the river. To her relief, the man understood her need for privacy and left her alone.
She took a few minutes to calm her nerves, breathing slowly to slow the pounding in her heart. Her body was aching from head to toe, part of it due to the journey the day before but not all.
Alexa looked at her reflexion in the river, not recognizing the girl she was seeing. She looked paler than usual, sad eyes were looking back at her, she looked … broken.
Images from her nightmare flooded her mind, Misha cooking in the tavern, laughing happily and then … death, terrified screams, blood and a body tossed aside like a ragged doll.
It made her heart ache, and again her breath caught in her throat, tears were spilling. A furious urge to scream took over. Maybe this was what she needed to get rid of the pain, she was about to succomb when she remembered where she was, with whom she was. You're a Princess now, act like one ! She clenched her teeth and suffered in silence, her tears washed away by the river's flow.
Unknow to her, Gabrielle was standing not far away, watching her. The Amazon Queen walked toward her, the look on the girl's face breaking her heart. It was like looking into a mirror. She had been this girl, the one who had lost everything, who had seen the worst, the girl who survived. She was younger than Alexa when Poteidia was raided. How many times did she wished she had been killed with the rest of her village.
Gabrielle kneeled down next to the girl, putting her arms around the small body wanting to let her know that she was not alone. Alexa accepted the embrace willingly, clinging to the Queen for dear life, her sobs now out of control.
"Just let it out" whispered Gabrielle and Alexa did just that.
They stayed like this for a while. Alexa's grip on the Queen never faltering. When the Amazon felt the princess was calm enough she extricated herself from the embrace but kept a hold of her hands. Hollow eyes were staring at her and Gabrielle's heart clenched at the sight. "I know it hurts, believe me I know. I won't lie to you Alexa, things will be tough for awhile. But eventually the pain will fade and one day I promise, you will woke up and you will be able to breath fully again."
Alexa shook her head, "I don't … I don't know if I can do it. Everything hurts. I don't feel anything except fear and anguish. Too much happened these past few days, I can't … I need time to deal with all this but no one is letting me this time. I thought that leaving Amphipolis will make things easier but I was wrong."
"You're exhausted. Once things settle you will have time to think."
"You mean when we will arrive in Corinth ?" Gabrielle nodded. "But that's what terrify me too. What if I don't blend in ? What if I do something wrong ? People will think badly of the Conqueror and I don't want to be a burden."
Gabrielle frowned at this. She was baffled by the similarity between them. Dealing with the grief for the death of loved ones while learning to be a royal, she had lived this herself, she knew how tough it was. She remembered the sleepless nights when she refused to close her eyes because she knew she wouldn't be capable of dealing with what she would surely see. She recalled the minute just after waking up when she would look around and not recognize her room in Potedia. For one minute every day she would forget, a minute of peace before the inevitable truth reclaimed her mind.
She also remembered the fear to disappoint, the inadequacy. A peasant girl with no skill expected to fill a role she was not destined for. She wasn't even an Amazon, even less a Princess. Many of her sisters thought she would give up but her pride saved her and the support of newly-made friends kept her going.
"You won't." Said the Queen with confidence. "There is no need to put so much pressure on yourself now. Right now you're here with us in the middle of nowhere, you don't have to pretend to be anyone but yourself. You are Alexa, not a Princess, not the daughter of Greece's ruler, just Alexa. Take the time of this trip to know her. Not the Conqueror, not the ruler, just Xena. You will see you don't have to worry about what could happen. Because if there is one thing you should never doubt it's her will to protect you. She did it from the moment she chose to let you go."
"She gave me up because I was getting in her way !"
"She could have let you with anyone but she cared enough to choose the person she trusted the most to take care of you."
This made Alexa pause. Yes she wanted to hate the woman but this was not her, she never was capable of holding a grudge, she was trusting. So if there was a way, a chance that the woman cared for her from the beginning maybe she could do it, maybe she could love her.
"I just want you to learn to know her before making up your mind, to judge her for who she is. She is not the woman she was fifteen years ago." Gabrielle stood up and offered her hand to the girl. Alexa didn't hesitate to take it, grateful for the help. The smile she received in return warmed her heart. She stared at the older woman, the Queen she met only a few days ago, a woman she barely knew. Even though they were strangers, she could not shake the feelings she was starting to have for her. She felt safe in her arms and maybe it was her imagination but she would swear she saw genuine fondness in the Queen's eyes, fondness for her, the girl she also barely knew.
The riding party was back on the road. Alexa kept close to the Amazon Queen, an attitude not lost on both the Queen and the Conqueror. Xena chose to keep quiet though much more preoccupied by what was looming over them.
The atmosphere was oppressive. The heat of the day before was replaced by muggy weather. She stopped suddenly taking a look at her surrounding. Patrocle joined her followed by Gabrielle. Alexa stayed a little behind not wanting to intrude on whatever they were talking about. Deciding she should use every opportunity to relax her muscles she dismounted and started stretching her legs.
"We need to start looking for shelter." Exclaimed the ruler staring at the sky.
Gabrielle looked in the same direction, "That bad ?"
"Worse. The roads won't be safe in a storm and I don't want to be outside when this one catch up with us." The Conqueror answered seriously.
Just then a booming sound was heard, followed by a horse neigh. Everyone turned around to look in the direction of the cry to find Alexa struggling with Snowflake who appeared to have been frightened by the sound. Her attempts to calm the horse down weren't working, actually it made things worse. Seeing the precarious situation unfolding in front of them, Xena and Gabrielle both shouted at the girl to let go of the reins.
But Alexa ignored the command and kept trying to calm her horse herself. Too focused that she was on not getting herself killed she didn't hear the horse coming toward her. She felt a strong hand take a hold of her clothes in her back and felt herself being lifted off the ground, the surprise made her let go of her horse's reins. Once free Snowflake took off. Alexa watched as the guards pushed themselves out of the horse's way. Then she saw the Conqueror riding after the wild animal followed by Draco and realized she was on the ground again.
"What were you thinking ?" She heard a voice demand behind her, when she turned around she found herself face to face with a very angry Amazon Queen. "If Xena had not pushed you away, your horse would have trampled you !"
"I was trying to calm him down." Alexa tried but her words didn't convince the Queen.
"It got spooked, you made it worse trying to calm him down. That's why we told you to let him loose." The Queen added with a pointed glare, the same glare she had used so many times before with difficult Amazons.
Alexa looked away, properly chastised. She had to admit to herself that a furious Amazon Queen was a terrifying sight. She had seen the woman soft side, she didn't think she would see her pissed off side that early. To her relief, Gabrielle let her off the hook, having more pressing matters at hand.
"Find us shelter." The Queen said in Patrocle direction who nodded in agreement. She was tensed. The storm was close, they didn't have time to waste. Turning toward Alexa again she saw her rub her elbow, "Are you hurt ?"
"Just sore." Alexa watched the worried eyes of the older woman. It touched the girl to see the woman cared so much. "I'm okay" she added trying to reassure. Gabrielle nodded before leaving her side.
Patrocle was giving his orders when Gabrielle joined him. "The Conqueror and Draco will catch up with us, we need to keep going." She stated in full Queen mode.
The guards looked at her, caught off guard by her sudden change of attitude. Since the beginning of this journey, Gabrielle chose to stay in the background not wanting to step on anyone foot but now things were different, the urgency pushed her to take action. Patrocle was the one in charge but she knew he would not mind her stepping forward. The guards though waited for the man's concent before moving.
"You heard the Queen."
Alexa was riding with the Queen. They kept quiet, a strange ordeal for them both. With Xena missing and the Princess in her care, Gabrielle was even more watchful whereas the Princess was mulling over what had happened. She knew what she had done was stupid, but at the time all she could think of was her need to prove she could take care of herself, that she was not just trouble. She felt so useless here, so out of place and the fact that she was surrounded by strangers was certainly not helping. On top of all that her forearm was throbbing, the more she let it rest the more she had trouble moving it, she could still clench her hand though which should be a good sign.
Finally, Patrocle announced they had found a cave big enough to protect them and the horses. Not wanting to wait any longer outside, Gabrielle sped up and reached their refuge before the rain started to fall.
The storm was above them when the Conqueror and Draco finally joined the rest of the group, Snowflake securely behind. They were drenched. Gabrielle watched Xena, an unreadable look on her face, unreadable for most maybe but not for the Queen. She could see it in the Conqueror's eyes, the battle she was fighting to control her temper. Xena caught Gabrielle's eyes, they stared at each other for a second. The silent exchange reassured Gabrielle on the intention of the warrior.
The Conqueror was furious by the turn of event, running after a fearful horse under a storm and the fear she felt when she saw Alexa so close to being knocked down by the animal, the girl who refused to listen to her. If one of her men were to pull this off she would not hesitate to make him pay for it, but she could not do that to the girl. 'Be a parent, not the Conqueror', Misha had told her. She may not beat the crap out of her but she could make sure something like that never happen again.
Alexa stood up the moment she saw the Conqueror at the entrance of the cave. Her stomach clenched when she thought of the imminent confrontation with Greece's ruler, the woman was not known to show mercy after all. But then she looked at the Amazon Queen and she reassured herself, the woman was not going to let anything happen to her, she was sure of it.
Her resolve faltered a bit when she saw the Conqueror walk toward her. Alexa gasped when she felt the woman grab her chin to force her to look her in the eyes.
"I don't know what you tried to accomplish but I will not accept such reckless behavior, not from anyone and certainly not from you. You put yourself in danger but us as well. So when I tell you to do something it's not a suggestion it's an order. You do as I say when I say it, do you understand ?" She asked coldly refusing to let go of the girl's chin.
"Yes" Alexa managed to whisper. The Conqueror's tone made her shiver, she would have prefered the woman to properly yell at her, it would have been less scary than what she was experiencing right now. The ruler let go of her but kept her in place with a stern glare.
"Pull a stunt like that again and being trampled by a horse will look like a much better option than what I'll have in store for you." Xena kept her glare firmly in place wanting to be sure the girl understood the seriousness of her words. "Are we clear ?"
Not trusting her voice, Alexa just nodded her head in understanding. When the ruler retreated back toward her men, the girl sat back down and discretely wiped away the few tears which started to fell on her cheeks. She didn't want to cry, not in front of those men.
The Conqueror was standing at the entrance of the cave, keeping an eye on the weather when she felt a presence behind her.
"You should dry yourself or you'll catch a cold" Casually said Gabrielle.
Xena kept her gaze fix outside, "You know I don't get sick."
The Queen sighed at the remark. "Maybe but it must be uncomfortable" she said while closing the gap between them. Gabrielle mimicked the stance of her companion, looking at the rain falling uninterrupted.
"What I find uncomfortable is being stuck in a cave."
Uncomfortable and exasperating it seems, thought the Queen. "Why are you in such a rush to go back to Corinth ?"
Xena turned toward her, an incredulous look on her face "I have an Empire to rule or have you forgotten ? What I don't understand is why you are not more worried about our delay, with your Nation waiting for your word and all."
"Us, out there in the wilderness means the Amazon Nation has at least one more day of reprieve before losing its freedom. How could I not be happy about that." Gabrielle's words were not meant to blame, the Queen was merely observant of their current situation and Xena understood.
Silence surrounded them, a comfortable one for once. When she first met Gabrielle, if someone had told her that someday this little woman would learn to keep her mouth shut for more than a few seconds she would not have believed it. And yet, here they were.
A smile crept up on the Conqueror's lips when the memory of a younger Gabrielle forced to keep her mouth closed after a pretty bad blow on the jaw came to her mind. The pain for such a wound was barely tolerated but what annoyed to no end the Amazon was her incapacity to talk. Forbid a bard to talk and you will know what Tartarus is all about, especially if the bard in question is the Queen of the Amazons.
At that moment, Xena made a decision she hoped she will not regret. "Alexa's horse is not safe and I don't want her alone on one until i'm sure the animal is well trained. Do you mind her riding with you ?" She asked the Amazon.
Gabrielle didn't even try to hide her surprise at the request. "Of course I don't mind."
This was what the Amazon was waiting for … a step forward. Xena was offering her something she had lost when she turned her back on them years ago. Trust.