A/N: Sorry for the long delay! Work happened, there was this... Rush concert, and this chapter was tough to get straight (and it's long). The next few are well in progress and should come much faster. -HLine

Late that evening Rachel got another text from Santana: OK if I give Lurch your number? He swears he meant to ask you for it today. Rachel smiled and texted back: That's fine.

A few minutes later her phone rang, showing an unknown New York number, and she answered it.

"Hi Rach." She smiled at the familiar voice.

"Hello." She spoke warmly.

"So I swear I was going to ask you before you left, but you were running late."

"That's fine. And it is time, I agree."

"Uh... I haven't said what I was going to ask about yet."

Rachel was puzzled. "I thought you meant for my number."

"Well, yes. But I was going to ask you something else too," he explained carefully. 'Which is why I needed your number now, not next week."

In the background she heard a yell, "Just get on with it!", and she giggled a little at Santana's impatience with hearing Finn come nowhere near whatever his point was.

"Hold on a moment, I'm going to switch rooms here," Finn grumbled. A moment later she heard what might be a door closing sharply. "That's better. I'm in my room now. If she eavesdrops she can't complain."

"So..." Rachel prompted.

"What? Oh, my question. Yeah." He took a deep breath. "Are you free on Friday night?"

"I suppose I could be, why? Is something going on?"

"Just that I have the night off, and I was wondering if you would like to go out. With me. On a date."

Listening to the man she almost married haltingly ask her out, Rachel didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She opted for neither, just a small sigh that he heard.

"You okay, Rach?"

"Ah, yes, just - what are we at now?"

"Dates?"

"First dates." Four? Or was it five, if they counted when they'd hung out in that week after the first sectionals?

"I don't know. I do know it's the first time I've asked properly, though. I'm getting better at something." Rachel chuckled a little at this. "So will you, please? Go out with me?"

She swallowed. "Are you sure?" She'd known this was coming, probably soon, but it was still terrifying. If she didn't love him so much, need him with all she was, she would just walk away and stop handing her heart to someone who was sometimes so clumsy with it. Except she'd never really gotten it back in the first place. Ever. Each time they got back together it was better and lasted longer, but each time she lost him it hurt more, and she didn't know if she could survive it happening again. But not trying would be worse.

"Uh... it's just a date, Rach. I don't mean 'just' I guess, but... um, we were kissing today, which was great, so we should go out. I want to."

"It's just that we don't have the best track record with me giving you what you think you should ask for." She couldn't quite keep the sting out of her voice.

Silence. Then, eventually, softly: "Yeah. I know. And I should have listened to you, I shouldn't have pushed and convinced you we were ready."

Rachel wiped her eyes. "Finn... you convinced me to be ready." Pause. "Do you get the difference?" It wasn't just that she'd agreed to marry him; she'd searched her heart and found it in herself to do it and to want it. To marry him, to bring their lives and dreams together, all of it. She hadn't been ready but she'd made herself ready, and then found it wasn't wanted after all. Felt like she wasn't wanted after all.

Finn sighed. "Yes." Pause. "But Rach? Can you listen for a minute, please? And I know we don't have the best track record with that either, but I hope you'll get that this is true, it's not a change from anything that I've said before, even when I proposed. Okay?"

A few tears escaped from Rachel's eyes, remembering. "Okay."

"So it's more than just me meaning it right now, it's a fact. True." Finn took a deep breath. "I love you. And I know there's nobody else for me, just you. I'm not sure what I was thinking when I sent you away, about what my life would be like, but I really hoped we'd be together again. That's why I know we have to fix this, 'cause this is it." He paused. "And it's like you told me before you said yes, before I convinced you, we can feel that and know it without putting our lives together yet. We can know that's what we want and that's where it's going without doing it yet. At least I think that's what you meant. It's what I mean now. And I think that's what we have to do, because my life's not really in shape to be put together with yours yet. But it's still you, it's always been you, and it's always going to be you. I know I wasn't open before with how I was feeling about myself and our future, but I am now, and there's this huge Rachel Berry-shaped hole in me that nothing else can ever fit. And I've changed on the other stuff because I didn't know how to handle this, and I didn't know what to do, but the fact that I love you and want to marry you and have a family with you and be with you forever..." Rachel was crying in earnest now, but did her best to keep quiet so she could listen, her hand over her mouth. His plea sank so deeply into her heart, and she wanted that all too, everything he described. "That's never changed and I don't see how it can change. It's true." He paused. "Uh, thanks for listening, you can talk now."

"I'm not sure I can," she managed to get out, her voice very small.

"Rach?" Finn's voice was worried.

"I want that too, of course I want that," she protested. "And if what we've been through and what you're describing is what it takes to get us there then... we're alive and we're here and we can do it."

"Good."

"But Finn... this almost broke me for good, this time. Losing you. How it happened, all of it. And now you're saying I never really lost you, and maybe I didn't but I believed I did and that was enough."

"I know." He sighed. "I just - I knew, I still know, that it's not fair to you, that you hold yourself back for me."

How does he still not get it? Rachel wondered, and her frustration came back to the forefront. "Finn, this time you need to listen, okay? And it's short, I hope, and I'll try to be clear, but I really need you to hear it and understand."

"Okay..." he replied with trepidation.

"What is fair to me is for you to ask me what I want. Because 'setting me free'? Obviously can't happen and could never happen because I love you. And what is fair to me is not for you to decide on your own that you're not good enough for me, because the only person who can truly decide that is me. What is fair to me is for you to not give up just because you started working on your dreams later than I did and you think somehow it's better for me that I not be with you. And I need you to understand this, because despite everything you said about how we're it for each other, and I think we are, it still didn't stop you from trying to walk away and leave me supposedly for my own good, and it almost destroyed me. It might have destroyed me completely if you'd gone ahead and enlisted and I didn't see you again." She paused, breathing deeply. "Finn, I love you, but it's not a magic wand. We're going to have to work at this, and it's going to be hard, and if I'm going to work at it I need to know that you're willing to work at it too, that you're not going to leave me again because of what you think I need to do, or tell me to let go as if you're just a habit when you're so much more to me, and it would only hurt me to try." She sighed. "That's all."

There was silence at the other end for a while, then Finn spoke. "Yeah. I get it, I really do. But it's hard."

"Nothing worth doing is easy, Finn. And this - it's worth everything, isn't it?"

"Yeah." He sighed. "Maybe we should talk about this in person. I mean, I get what you're saying, but maybe by phone isn't the best way."

"No," Rachel replied. "No, we should talk about it now." She took a deep breath. "That way we can work it through and have a happy date."

"So it's a date?" She could hear his grin.

"Yes. As long as we talk about this stuff now."

"Great! Um, it's going to have to be really cheap, money's super tight but -"

"It's with you, that's all that matters. And we're in New York, there are a lot of things that are free." Though some effort and thoughtfulness would be appreciated, she thought.

"That's what I was thinking. We can find some interesting food carts, go for a walk on the High Line maybe, I've heard it's pretty cool."

"That sounds good. Really. But I don't care what we do, I never did, just - we have to figure out how not to have things go bad again. Because I can't handle it, I can't handle losing you again and I can't handle walking away either. And I don't understand how you could."

Finn exhaled sharply. "I don't know," he said slowly. "I couldn't really, obviously, that's why I'm here. It's just hard to think that this could stop you, because you never let anything stop you, Rach. That's the first thing that really bowled me over about you, even before we sang together, that you would just keep going and didn't worry about what people thought."

"It's easier to do that when what they think is almost always bad no matter what I do. Or it was like that."

"I guess. And yeah, you learned to compromise and work with other people, and that's good, but you were still you. Unstoppable. And then something was stopping you, and it was me, and that - it made me feel like I was something bad, that I could be what got in your way. Even worse that I wanted to, that I asked you to be like that for me."

Rachel groaned. "Finn -"

"I know, your way changed. But I want to let you know how I felt, okay? Because I didn't before, and I should have, and I'm going to try to keep doing this, keep letting you know. I felt like I'd become the only thing that could pull you off your path, and maybe there was a while when that made me feel good, ego and all that, but then I just thought about how that could hurt you. How I was hurting you even when I didn't want to. You were giving me everything and I couldn't give you enough back. And I still feel like that, but I think I have it a bit more straight now, that you have to follow your own path and mine's not ready to be with yours yet. It isn't, I'm just figuring it out, and if we put things together now your stuff will either take over or go away, and both of those are bad and we'll just end up hating each other. Even more than you did when you were pissed at me before. More permanently."

Silence descended for a while, as Rachel tried to make sense of what Finn had said. And it did make sense, she wanted him to feel like they were equals, as they could be, but - "I thought you wanted a date."

"Sure. Absolutely."

"But... I don't understand." Does he want to try again or not? I thought we were trying again.

"We date. And we know where we want it to go but we know it's not there yet. We're not there yet. And, I guess, we just accept that. I rushed things, I know that, and we can't turn things back to how they were, but - maybe we can just decide to be us, you living your life and me working on mine, but we go out, steady, no walking away any more. And we do whatever you're comfortable with."

"What I'm comfortable with?" After all, she had been comfortable with getting married. Of course she couldn't be now. She wasn't even comfortable in his arms, whenever she tried to relax she tensed by reflex, the safe home feeling she used to have replaced by wondering how long it was going to last this time before he pulled away.

"Uh, yeah. I know it's hard for you to trust me, so whenever you're ready, for... for other things. Starting Friday, if we can go out."

Rachel paused, thinking, breathing slowly. "Okay." We can do this. We have to.

"Okay." He paused. "So, Friday? I can pick you up any time after four. On foot, it's way too expensive to park in Manhattan. We can take the subway to get to the park."

"I can be ready at six, I need to shower and change after dance class."

"Great." Finn paused. "So when do you leave for the holidays?" he asked.

Rachel sighed. She hadn't wanted to have to explain this, but it was unavoidable. "I'm not."

"But your term is almost over, isn't it? Exams and stuff coming up soon, right?"

"Yes. Exams and the recital. But I'm staying in New York between terms."

"What? Why aren't you going home? Are things with your dads still so bad?"

"Finn... I don't feel like I have a home, okay?" she threw back, exasperated, not with him particularly but with the situation. And especially upset with how true her words felt. She'd thought her home would be with Finn, after all, and that her dads would always be there for her, and then it all turned inside out. "It turned out not to be the way I thought it was. And I can't just let them expect me to go back, after what they did to us and what they wanted for me."

"Rach..." Finn was trying to cajole her into calming down, but she was having none of it. She started to cry again, letting out how frustrated she was with her fathers, with everything. How hurt she was at having her trust broken and finding out that she'd been treated as a puppet to manipulate instead of a person to be honest with.

"Everything we're having to deal with now, how things went so fast, they deliberately pushed us into going faster in the hopes that we couldn't handle it," she got out. She took a deep breath, getting herself back under some control at least. "Maybe we're both young and naive but they're not, they helped this happen because they wanted to. They just didn't intend it to happen this way, they counted on me being selfish instead of you being selfless."

"But you can't hate them," Finn protested. "They're your dads."

"I don't, but - I love you and they didn't seem to care what happened to you, as long as you were out of my way. That's a dealbreaker for me. So is finding out the people who taught me about absolute honesty can be so manipulative." She sniffled. "They were trying to get me to break your heart, Finn."

"And instead I broke yours."

"At least you were being self-sacrificing, as you saw it, even though it hurt me so much." She shook her head. "They wanted me to be selfish," she said, her voice pained. "I've learned not to be as much, and I feel like I'm so much better for it, and they didn't want that. And I don't want the cold sort of life they seemed to want for me. I can't go back into my old room and pretend to be their little girl again, not the way things are now. I can't. So I'm staying here, NYADA doesn't kick us out over the break so it's fine."

"That doesn't sound very fine. You hate the dorms."

"I know, but..." It's all I've got, she thought. All I can trust, anyway. "There's so much going on in the city, I'm sure I can find things to keep me occupied. And the rehearsal rooms will be open too. There are others staying here as well, I won't be the only one." She made excuses, not wanting to go too much more deeply into how she felt about it. She'd make do, she supposed. Bad enough having to deal with it as it would happen, there was no need to feel even worse now by anticipating it.

"Well I'm not going back for very long, we have a New Year's Eve gig and we have to rehearse. So I'll be back sometime on the 27th. And then we can do something."

"Okay. That sounds nice."

"And I'll meet you Friday at six. Outside the dorms?"

"Yes. Do you need to know where they are?"

"Uh, no." Finn sounded sheepish. "I looked around a little, before. Tempting fate I guess." He sighed. "Good night. I love you. And we'll get this."

I hope so, Rachel thought. "I love you." She just hoped those words didn't sound as much like a plea as they felt.

Wednesday after his shift at the diner Finn decided to call his mom; it had been a while since they'd talked, and he hadn't told her about what he was doing for Christmas. They switched quickly to Skype, since that was free and had video.

It was good to see her, he'd really missed her. She looked a little tired, but her face lit up when she saw him. He gave her a quick update as to how things were going with his job and the band, though he got a little evasive and embarrassed when she asked about money. He was doing okay, still had quite a bit left of what she'd initially floated him; his main indulgence was his occasional drum lessons with a top guy he'd found through the musician's union. He admitted to that, and she encouraged him to do it more.

"It's still tuition even though it's not college," she explained. "I know you're trying to make it more on your own, but I figure it's my responsibility to pay for that if I can." He nodded, accepting that. He was used to them not having much, though, they never had. "And you know if you ever find you can't afford to come home for Christmas, any time, we'll pay for it," Carole said. "Ever."

"I know, Mom. It's just gas, really. The problem's more about time, we got a slot in a big New Year's Eve party and we need to practice. And I'm needed at the diner too. So I can be home at Christmas but not for too long after."

"Good. Because I know how you love Christmas, and it wouldn't be the same without you." But Finn was frowning, and she noticed. "What's wrong, honey?"

"Just thinking... there was a point when I thought I wouldn't be coming home for Christmas," he said. "Not just the army, but before that, I thought we'd be staying in New York, having our first Christmas together."

"Rachel."

"Yeah." Finn closed his eyes for a moment, then rubbed them; he'd been starting to tear up. Somehow the familiar family Christmas that he'd always loved paled in the face of the fantasy they'd both had, going skating at Rockerfeller Center, having their first tree fill their tiny apartment, waking up Christmas morning wrapped around each other and exchanging a first small present before they even considered getting up. He wondered what sort of Christmas he'd expected Rachel to have, being a star without him, glitzy parties but going home to an empty place. Sure she wasn't used to celebrating Christmas, she'd started doing that because of him, but the holidays were a hard time for the lonely. And though she'd tried to make it sound okay, she was going to be very lonely this year by herself.

"Is she coming home?" his mom asked tentatively.

"No, she's staying in New York," Finn answered. "Her dads don't celebrate, and even though she's got the time off..." he trailed off, considering how to put it. Rachel was still pissed at her dads, but it was more than that, something symbolic. "She doesn't want to go back home. Doesn't feel like it is home, she says."

"Lima? Or her house?"

"Her house, mostly. She said something about how she thinks it would feel like she was going back and being a little girl again, sleeping in her old room, and she can't stand the thought of that." He shook his head. "She still feels like her dads really betrayed her, Mom."

Carole looked at him for a moment. "Did I betray you too?" she asked. "Because I knew about it, at least part of it, and I went along with it at first."

Finn exhaled. "No, it's okay. She just feels manipulated, and she was so hurt by the whole thing. And she wants - needs - them to accept that she's her own person, and she thinks that if she goes back home now it'll feel too much like she isn't. Or that it'll all remind her too much of what they did."

"She could stay here."

"We're not at that stage again yet."

"I meant with Kurt."

Finn rolled his eyes. "I didn't mean that, though we're not there either. I mean... it'd be even worse for her, having Christmas with us but not in the way we were supposed to. Things are still kind of stiff."

"I see." Carole nodded. "Still, you should ask her. After all, wasn't making assumptions about what was right for her what helped you get into this mess in the first place?"

Finn grimaced. "Yeah," he admitted. "That and Dad." He shook his head. "I still don't know what to do about Dad."

Carole looked at him sadly. "I'm so sorry, Finn," she said.

"I thought you were mad about that, when I was going to join the army."

"I was. But not at you, not really, I was just trying to get you to listen." She sighed. "I was mad at myself, for building him up into too much of a legend and encouraging your hero-worship, for never figuring out how to explain that your father was a good man who lost his way. And so mad at him, again, for what happened. For everything that had you messed up enough that you chose a dead man who abandoned us over a live woman who loved you and didn't want to leave you."

"God, Mom, when you put it like that it sounds so awful."

"Wasn't it?" she asked, and he had to nod. It was hard not to think that he'd let his dad down, but he knew he'd let Rachel down. Easier to hope that a live person could forgive him, he guessed, and tell himself that she had alternatives while his dad didn't. And his feelings about everything, Rachel, his dad, his future, they had all been out of control.

"There was a lot more to it than Dad, though," he said. "And that was pretty screwed up too, but we think we're figuring it out. Taking it slow this time so we'll make it."

"That's good. That's the only reason I was concerned before, about your engagement, I hope you know that," she said. "I'm proud of you for not giving up."

"I couldn't. I guess I thought I could, because I thought I had to for her, but - not really."

His mother smiled. "Rachel's special. And I don't just think that because we agree on one of the most important things there is, but that doesn't hurt." She chuckled at Finn's puzzlement. "You, Finn. A mother will always appreciate someone who truly loves her child. And she sees the same things in you that I do, your heart and your potential. Even when you don't."

"Well with the whole army idea I was right about one thing, I push myself a lot harder when there's someone yelling at me," Finn said. "I don't know why they won't let women fight in the front line, put Santana in charge of a platoon and point them at the enemy and we'd win for sure."

"She's tough on you, huh?"

"She's tough on everyone, starting with herself. It's been good for me. And I'm glad it's not Rachel having to push me, I'd hate to make her do that but Santana seems to enjoy it. Plus it gives her an outlet, she has to be way nicer to the people she talks with for work than she's used to and sometimes it's really hard for her to hold all that in." He shrugged. "It's weird, but it works. For now, anyway."

Carole smiled. "It's good to hear you say that, actually. The 'for now' part."

"Guess I've always had a problem thinking long-term before. Never had to so much, maybe, not like some of the others." Finn knew Rachel had needed to think long-term for most of her life, just to get past how bad she'd had it at school. Kurt, too. Which led him to thoughts of his stepbrother. "How's Kurt doing?" he asked. "We haven't talked much recently, beyond him being annoyed that plaid flannel is actually in style." He chuckled. "He always said it never would be. Has he been raiding the clothes I left behind at all? I said he could just as a joke, but it's okay if he did as long as I can tease him about it."

Carole laughed. "Brothers," she said, shaking her head. "I think he scrounged some for the fabric."

"Heh."

"He's on edge waiting to hear about an internship right now - it's with a designer, a great opportunity for him. I think fashion is really his first love anyway."

"Wow. That's great."

"And it's a New York designer, so maybe you'll have company soon."

"Really? Awesome." Maybe it's all going to happen after all - we shouldn't have given up. I shouldn't have. Gotta think long-term. "Does Rachel know? It'd be so good for her if Kurt was here."

"Yes, he keeps her up to date on all of that. She even submitted his portfolio for him, so it wouldn't get lost."

"Cool." He tried not to care that Rachel hadn't told him - they'd been talking for half an hour a week, up until now, and they had a lot of their own things to work through. Maybe that made it easier for her to stay here over the holidays, hoping that Kurt would come soon. But he knew that hoping came hard to her, these days. Thanks to him. But he had to stop feeling guilty or they'd never be able to get anywhere. Someday, he promised, someday when we've worked through all of this I can really make it up to her, make us both so happy that there'll be no room for regrets about how it came about. Now that was a long-term goal all right. But that was next to start on, he hoped they'd gone through the things they needed to say so they could, because at some point they had to start being happy together instead of continuing to go over what couldn't be changed.

Friday at ten minutes to six Finn was waiting outside the NYADA dorms, a little nervous. He knew he didn't have to impress Rachel, it wasn't like that, but he did want to show her that she could be comfortable with him again, and that his plan (latest plan, damn it) that they date like normal people (people who didn't almost get married) was right and was worth trusting. Though trust wasn't something he could argue himself into, he knew.

A voice from close by interrupted his thoughts. "Do you go here?" It was a girl, probably a NYADA student, tall, blond.

"Uh, no," Finn stammered. "I'm waiting for my... my date." She looked disappointed, and Finn hoped she'd take the hint (not that it was a hint) and move on before Rachel showed up. Though "my date", seriously? My girlfriend, my kind-of-fiancee-but-not-right-now, my girl, my future wife I hope... my Rachel. Because there's only one Rachel. The girl was still standing nearby, but he didn't really notice her as the door to the residence opened and Rachel came out.

Finn's face lit up and he walked to her, beaming. "Hey," he said, smiling down at her. And she looked so beautiful, her hair sleek and softly curled under a black beret, with her face looking natural and a black coat over a very short dark red skirt. He hoped her legs wouldn't be cold, though those looked like tights anyway.

Rachel smiled back at him and leaned up for a light kiss. He took her hand, happy that she interlaced her fingers in his as she used to, and he walked with her to the subway. He insisted on paying, swiping his card twice and escorting her through ahead of him.

She smiled her thanks and loosened her coat in the warmth of the station, giving him a glimpse of her throat and the dark grey scoop-necked shirt she wore. Finn suddenly regretted making plans for a date outside, even though it was warm for the time of year. He'd figured staying outside would keep him from pushing too fast, and he was probably right since at the moment all he could think about was how much he wanted to kiss her neck, but she looked extra sexy under her coat and it was a pity not to get to see more. On the subway he told her about his mom's offer for her to stay with them over Christmas, adding his own invitation to it, but he wasn't surprised when she declined.

They started by the south end of the walk, crossing Hudson Street on their way from the subway. Finn agreed to stand under the street sign while Rachel took his picture, though he did feel like he probably looked pretty foolish doing it. There were "Hudson" signs up and down this side of Manhattan, especially at the waterfront along Hudson River Park, and Finn idly wondered how he'd ever thought he could successfully give Rachel space to "let him go" (as he'd thought of it then) when his name was plastered through the city like that.

They found a food cart nearby, some sort of Eastern fusion according to the sign, and Rachel said it looked interesting. As for Finn, food was food, so he went for the special (some sort of beef) while Rachel had a vegetable curry. He paid, and he carried their containers as they went up to the High Line, enjoying the first bit of the park as they made their way to some benches with a bit of a view.

Finn found it a little distracting watching Rachel eat, her mouth too enticing. But if he focused on his own food he ate too fast. So he talked instead, looking out at the view and wondering aloud about what he was looking at, glancing at her and meeting her eyes as she told him about most of it and speculated about the rest.

It was dark now, the lights all shining beneath them, so with their meals finished they took hands again and walked along, continuing to talk about what they saw. Finn fell silent and listened to Rachel chatter, soothed by the familiarity and the sound of her voice, enjoying her laugh as she told him some tale she'd heard about some place they apparently could see the lights of, whatever it was it couldn't be as important as just hearing her.

They stopped at a set of tall steps, Rachel sitting down and pulling him with her.

"You've been quiet," she said, looking into his eyes.

"Just thinking."

"About?"

"This." He leaned down to her, his lips pressing against hers as he cradled her face in his hand.

A moment later Rachel pulled back, but only far enough to flicker her eyes up to his before leaning back into the kiss.

He felt her shiver a little, possibly cold, though her fondness for short skirts was never affected by worrying about whether she would be cold. Finn never suggested anything of the kind, since Rachel's wardrobe choices were much more likely to make him hot instead. And now, kissing her again, even just using his lips on hers, he was definitely getting hot. "I could do this forever," he murmured between kisses. "Just kiss you, forever." He could taste a little of the spiciness of her meal on her lips, and that made it better, a little earthy, Rachel was normally so fastidious about personal hygiene that more often than not she had tasted mostly of mint. Which was fine, any kiss with Rachel was great, but this was a little extra, more natural. She'd never complained about how he tasted either, though he was usually careful too. And he'd been thinking about her mouth while she'd been eating earlier, so... why did I ever think I could live without her again? Oh yeah, I figured I'd be so exhausted in the army I'd collapse into my bunk and tell myself that I'd done the right thing. Or something like that.

"Mmm..." came Rachel's reply, and she was clearly enjoying it too, kissing him back, though her mouth was still mostly closed and he didn't want to push. "I hope we'll get further, if there's forever," she murmured shyly.

I hope we'll get further next week, Finn thought, but he'd take what he could get.

Rachel suggested they take a look at some of the art galleries, since they were close to that district, and Finn agreed, hopefully keeping his reluctance to himself. It wasn't his kind of thing. He wasn't sure it was hers either, or it hadn't been before, but Lima hadn't had anything much like that.

The first place they went was mostly prints, and they looked fine. Some prints were of famous pictures that were at the Met or other New York museums, and that reminded him that the one in Brooklyn was sometimes free. He'd have to look into that. And he liked some of the pictures that had people dressed like they did back in the fifties, though the information said the pictures were recent. Still not really his thing though.

They moved down the street to a gallery with originals, and stepped inside to stop at a large abstract swirl of paint, varied reds over black. It made Finn uncomfortable, both the painting itself, so angry, and the abstractness of it all. He had less than zero interest in abstract art, and he hadn't thought Rachel had any interest in it either. Even Kurt gave his version of "yeah whatever" for that.

Rachel looked at the piece assessingly, her head cocked. "What do you think?" she asked Finn, and he groaned mentally. Seriously? What does she expect I'd think?

But he'd better say something, so he looked at the title again, and wondered how the hell the artist expected "Rage of Worms Under the Full Moon at Apple-Picking Time" to be something anyone could get from the jagged and swirled strokes of red and black. "I don't know, I mean I get the impact, if I just look at it," he said dubiously. The title actually seemed more like a joke, something fake-sophisticated to see if people fell for it. And he had no idea how anyone who liked this kind of thing would have a clue about "apple-picking time" anyway.

"But...?" Rachel was not letting him off the hook.

Be honest, he told himself. She loves me, right? This is me. "But all that? I don't get all that, it seems way too subtle," he admitted. "I guess if they want it to be, uh, hard to understand..."

"Inaccessible," she prompted.

"Yeah. Inaccessible. But that's not a good thing, and if you do that deliberately you shouldn't be surprised if people don't get it, right? At least the details. I get the emotion, mostly, it's angry, and maybe like finding out the world you thought was yours wasn't, or something like that, from the title. But it's confusing, if he really wanted everyone to know what he was thinking he's not showing it." But Finn saw Rachel frown, and he realized belatedly she might think he was talking about her, about them, and that's not what he meant at all. In fact... "I appreciate more direct honesty, I guess," he finished quickly, and saw her relax. After all, he never had to guess how Rachel felt, and that was way more important than some picture. And even though he wasn't into musicals, he at least got them, how they laid everything out there. They weren't inaccessible. If this artist couldn't communicate what he wanted, it wasn't entirely Finn's fault for not getting it.

"It's art that makes you think," the man working at the gallery said, hovering near and sounding clearly condescending. Finn winced, but Rachel tossed her head.

"Then it's to be expected that our thoughts about it would be different, isn't it?" Rachel asked rhetorically, and Finn smiled as he heard her back him up, the potential trap not there after all. One of the things he'd always loved about Rachel was how even though she was driven to excel she still wasn't pretentious. New York hadn't changed her yet, not like that, and neither had her friendship with Kurt. In fact, Kurt's previous pretentiousness had mostly worn off, become more natural, even though he still picked on Finn's clothes (and everyone else's, to be fair). Come to think of it, just about everyone close to Finn had picked on Finn's clothes, aside from his mother and stepfather and Rachel herself. Rachel hadn't even had a problem with his old cowboy wallpaper. And Rachel had decorated her old room back in Lima with Broadway posters, not anything like this.

Rachel looped her arm through Finn's as she continued to talk to the gallery staff member. "And of course as original and unique art, it's really just a question of it finding the right individual," she commented further. "It's making that connection that shows the value of a gallery and its staff." She turned, Finn deciding to follow while pressing his lips together to stop himself from laughing. They left the gallery.

Outside, Rachel relaxed and giggled. "That was a little fun, the man was being so patronizing. And I don't know who would want to hang something like that on their walls - it looks so harsh, and I'd rather look at something nice. Attractive."

Finn smiled at her, happy to see her mirror his thoughts on this. "I already am," he said, gazing more strongly at her, and Rachel blushed. But he wasn't just flattering her, some of those modern fifties prints were ones he thought she'd fit right into, and then they'd've been perfect.

They went back to the subway, and this time they were quite warm, having come in from the cold; Finn helped Rachel off with her coat, folding it over his far arm, and they sat down close together with Finn's other arm loosely around her shoulders. She seemed fine with that, and they talked a little more, about nothing in particular, relaxed. His hand grazed her shoulder and he could feel the warmth of her, and was it ever hard to be this many steps back with her when he remembered so much more. Long term, he told himself, and yes he'd been right to keep things public, it helped his self-control. Which was even more necessary once they left the subway and he helped her back on with her coat, using every ounce of restraint he had to keep himself from kissing her neck. He did bend his head down, close enough to smell her scent, still essentially the same, still Rachel.

He walked her back to the dorms and they stopped outside. "How about we do this again next Friday?" Finn asked. "Something different, of course, but a date. Maybe something indoors this time." Yeah, real smooth there.

"I'm busy," Rachel replied. "I'm sorry, but next Friday night is the freshman recital."

"Hey, that's great. It's public, right?"

"Ah... yes, there's tickets," she said reluctantly. "Just..."

"What is it?"

She swallowed. "I'm not sure about you coming," she said. "We're just starting again, and - I don't want all that to take over. My performing."

"Oh." Finn couldn't hide his disappointment.

"So I think I'd rather you didn't, not yet. Okay?"

"Uh, okay," Finn replied reluctantly, but it wasn't really. He got why she thought that, but that didn't mean he liked it. Or agreed that it was right. But... whatever she wants, he told himself. Whatever she's comfortable with. But he really hoped that this would be temporary.

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