Disclaimer: I do not own VA.

So here we are, fighting and trying to hide the scars.

I'll be home tonight, take a breath and softly say goodbye.

The lonely road, the one that I should try to walk alone.

I'll be home tonight, take a breath and softly say goodbye.

….

You wouldn't like me.

Keep moving on until forever ends.

Don't try to fight me.

The beauty queen has lost her crown again.

….

Just take a breath and softly say goodbye.

-Here We Are, Breaking Benjamin

RPOV:

It took a full two weeks for Dimitri to leave, but I didn't go back for another two. In that month away from my family, I took the opportunity to travel, seeking out guardians willing to teach me more. After I had given birth to Xavier, I found time to meet with Mark and keep up with my training. As Xavier grew older, I was able to get out more, sometimes going Strigoi hunting in the city. Those times were few and far between; I mostly went hunting for about a week at a time with the Unpromised. They were a group of three teens who had dropped out of school in favor of simply hunting. I wasn't stupid enough to go on a vigilante mission and leave my child parentless, so going with them was the only option. They often tried to recruit me to be with them permanently and on more than one occasion both guys had made a pass at me. I told them no; I had duties as a mother and guardian and that I was with someone. Of course, the last thing was a bit of a lie, but that was beside the point.

Through my travels, I trained with about a dozen dhampirs. I stayed with each trainer for a week. Four places in four weeks. At each played I stayed, there were always other guardians and dhampirs willing to help. I learned many different moves. It's amazing what a single - three hour - session can teach you.

However, I was glad to be back with my family.

After picking up Xavier from my dad's house, I made my way back to the Belikovs.

Stepping into the house, the first thing I noticed was the silence. In the silence I noticed the shift in the atmosphere. It was lightened. When I left, it was tense and nervous. Now it was relaxed and happy. I assumed Dimitri's visit had been a happy one. How I yearned to have been there and introduce him to his son.

"I'm home!" I called out.

"Hi Roza," Karolina greeted me as she walked into the kitchen, smiling.

"Hey," I gave her a hug. I'd missed everyone. "Where is everyone?"

She knelt down and gave Xavier a hug and kiss on the cheek. "Hey, little man, how are you? I missed you."

"I missed you too, Auntie Karo," Xavier said in his adorable high voice, hugging her back.

Karolina stood back up.

"Mama is visiting with friends, Sonya is working, and Vika left with Dimitri. Babushka is upstairs," she rattled off. "Paul, Zoya and Anastasia are at a friend's house."

Paul was going to be going to school in a month so he was taking every chance to hang out with friends. I had to go back to guarding in the same month, so it was decided that we would simply ride the same plane out. Xavier was now two, almost three years old. It was amazing how much he grew up. He had a mouth full of teeth, and he never lost an opportunity to show them off by speaking. He was a regular chatterbox, but at times I would see bits of his father show up in his silence. He was brilliant. I'd decided that when I went back to guarding in September, Xavier would stay with the Belikovs and my dad.

"How was Dimitri?" I asked, hungry for any details.

"Well..." Karolina hesitated. "We should sit down."

My eyes widened. "What? What's wrong? Is he okay? Is he hurt? Will he be alright?" I shot off questions as fast as I could say them.

"Oh, no, no, no! Roza, calm down, Dimitri is fine!" Karolina hurried to assure me. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you."

We settled down on the couch in the living room, Xavier quiet in my arms. I looked down to make sure he wasn't sleep. He wasn't, just staring at Karo with large brown eyes.

"Rose, please don't be mad," Karolina began, and immediately, my walls went up. "The first day here, he went upstairs to his room, and found a picture of you and Xavier on the floor of the closet."

I mulled over that for a moment. I knew what picture she was talking about. I had left it there, why, I wasn't sure. In hopes that he would find it? Well, he clearly did.

"And?" I finally said, my voice stiff. I tried not to cry.

"Well, Babushka had us tell him everything. We showed him all the videos and pictures. All of it. Just as well, too, since we weren't all that good at hiding everything." She nodded towards the wall opposite us. I looked and saw a picture of Xavier and I, at his first birthday party. Both of us were covered in cake, laughing.

"Oh," I said, my voice faint. "I see. Did-did you also tell him about Seneca?"

Karolina shook her head. "No, Babushka stopped us. I suppose if he knew, he would search and tear the world apart for the perpetrator, hurting himself in the process."

I closed my eyes and held my son tighter.

"Momma?" Xavier asked. "When do I get to see Papa?"

A tear rolled down my cheek at his words. I opened my eyes and turned so that Xavier was facing me. "You'll get to see your Daddy soon," I promised. I sighed heavily. "But right now, I need to talk to your grandpa. Karo, could you please watch over Xavier for a little while?"

"But Momma, I want to stay with you," Xavier said, his eyes watering.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. How could I ever leave him to guard, well, anyone? How could I leave my little man for only God knew how long, put myself in danger?

Maybe it would be better if I gave up guarding altogether. That way, Lissa, Dimitri, and everyone else would be safe from me, I would stay with my son, and everything would be perfect.

Then I imagined how hurt Lissa would be, how disappointed Dimitri would be, how horrible it would be to stay home all day, working a nine to five job, not fighting, not protecting. I had to guard – it was in my blood, literally. It was what I was raised to do. I had to.

That steeled my resolved. I set Xavier down. "I won't be long, love. I just need to make a phone call," I assured him, pressing a kiss on his forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too, Momma," Xavier mumbled, clinging to me.

I smiled down at him lovingly. "Little Xavy, I need to go so that I can come back."

"Okay Momma, You promise you won't be long?" His innocent eyes stared up at me, exactly like his father's. My heart broke a little more.

"I promise," I said.

"Okay." He let me go, trotting over to Karolina.

Taking a deep breath, I walked out, dialing the familiar number as I stepped out side. I leaned against the side of the house as I waited for him to pick up.

"Mazur," my father said curtly.

"Hey, old man," I said, attempting to sound cheerful.

"Little girl, how are you?" Abe replied, sounding much warmer.

"How is this going to work?" I blurted out.

"How is what going to work?" he asked.

"This...this whole thing. I mean, how am I to go back to guarding Lissa when I have Seneca breathing down my neck? Hell, I'd have to protect her form myself first before any Strigoi!" I was starting to sound hysterical.

"Rose, Rose, calm down. Okay? Just calm down. I'm going to be sending Pavel with you. He will become your guarding partner, while Dimitri becomes Viktoria's. I have it all figured out," Abe assured me.

My breath caught. "But doing that, from what you're told me, would be like an act of war. You'd be declaring war on Seneca. Wouldn't that put everyone in danger?"

Abe sighed. "Yes, I would be basically claiming you as my daughter, which would open the flood gates to all sorts of threats. But Seneca will want you all to her self, so you shouldn't worry about other people. She'll keep them at bay. Me aiding you would be letting her know I care about your well being. She would want you personally so that she would have something to hold over me. But she will underestimate you, I know her." Abe sighed again, a large, world weary sigh. "There are times like these that I wonder why I got into this world. But then..." he trailed off. "Anyway, don't worry so much. We'll usurp Seneca's man, put our own people into it, and...it will be alright. I'm looking into the person behind all of this. So far, she's good at hiding her trail. Seneca, that is. But no one is perfect."

"Will it actually work that way?" I asked hopefully.

"We can only hope," Abe replied ominously.

The conversation ended quickly after that, and I was able to go back to my little boy.

By the time Karolina and I finished dinner, everyone had come back. After a brief reunion, we sat down for dinner. The conversation was lively that night as everyone caught me up on the things I had missed. Paul begged me to show him new moves I had learned. I promised him I would do so, tomorrow. I was making a lot of promise, I mused.

Xavier stayed quiet the entire evening, causing me to grow very concern about his well-being.

During a lull in the conversation, I leaned over and whispered into his ear, "Xavy, are you all right?"

Xavier looked at me, his eyes shining with tears. "Everyone knows Papa but me. I wanna know my papa." He pouted, his little lip trembling.

I bit my own lip to keep from crying. "Oh, Xavier, I promise you'll meet your daddy. I promise. It might take a little while though."

Xavier's lip still trembled, a fat tear sliding down his face. "But I'm gonna lose you, Mama," he mumbled, sniffling.

"You're not going to lose me," I said softly. "Why would you think that?"

Xavier's little fist swiped at another tear. "You're leaving me," he mumbled.

"Oh, Xavier, it's not forever. Just a little while."

"But what if you don't come back? I don' wanna lose you." He released a great sob, and my arms folded around him, pulling him close.

"Oh, my little man," I whispered, rocking him gently. "You'll never lose me. Never ever, I've told you this."

Xavier let out another sob. "You said I'd see Papa. Papa was here. But I didn't see him."

A tear rolled down my face as pain wracked my body. "I'm sorry," I whispered, my voice trembling. "I am so, so sorry."

The rest of the family watched this little scene with pain in their eyes.

I picked Xavier up and carried him to our room. Everything was back in place from when I had left, courtesy of Abe and the Belikovs. I sat on my bed, my little man still in my arms.

"Xavier, I'm so sorry, sweetie. I wish you could meet your father, but it's not safe." I kissed his dark hair. "you know how there are evil vampires?"

Xavier nodded against my collar bone. "Well, there's this person. She's mean, just like the Strigoi. She says she will hurt daddy, if I'm near him. So, I just need to make sure it's safe, and you can meet daddy, okay?"

Xavier sniffled again, his sobs stopped. "Promise?" he asked in a small voice.

I sat him up. "Didn't I already promise? Yes, you will meet your daddy once it's safe." I kissed his little nose.

Xavier smiled. "Does Papa love me?"

I smiled back. "Yes, Papa loves you very much."

"Okay." He laid his head down on my shoulder, worm out from crying.

"Are you going to sleep?" I asked.

Xavier nodded. "Sing to me, momma."

I sighed softly. "What would you like me to sing?"

Xavier shrugged. "A song."

I chuckled softly. "Any song? Okay, hm..." After a moment's thought, I decided to sing 'Never Grow Up,' a song Viktoria had introduced me to. Though it was a country song, it was one of those I liked.

"Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming and it's so quiet in the world tonight..."

The next morning, Paul woke me up early.

"Auntie Roza, Auntie Roza!" he cried out, jumping on my bed. Though he was now twelve years old, at times like these, he acted like a three year old. Must be why and Xavier got along so well.

"Yes?" I grumbled, unsticking my eyes from the gunk that had formed during the night as a result of my tears.

"You promised to show me moves!" he called.

I groaned, falling back into the pillows.

Xavier joined Paul jumping on the bed.

"Alright, alright!" I cried out, laughing. "I'm up!"

I rolled out of bed and pushed Paul out the door. "I'll be out as soon as I change," I told him firmly.

"Hurry, Auntie Roza!" he yelled back.

I sighed and set about getting dressed and helping Xavier. I helped him pull on a pair of dark blue shorts and a light blue t-shirt. I decided to match him today, and pulled on a light blue tank top and dark blue track pants. Though wearing shorts would be preferable in this heat, I didn't feel like dealing with scrapes I would undoubtedly get form falling while Xavier and Paul played Strigoi and guardian.

As I brushed my hair in to a pony tail, I smiled sadly at my reflection. Such violence from such a young age. It was no wonder so many dhampires were so eager to become guardians. I sighed wearily and pulled on my sneakers, more than ready for the killing games to be over.

After playing with Paul and my son for two hours, I decided it was time to come in for lunch. Amid many protests, I hauled them back inside for some sandwiches. Technically, I should be working at a job right now, but since I was leaving in less than a month, I had simply quit, for once allowing Abe to pay for all of my expenses.

As the boys gobbled down their lunch, I tried to imagine my life without seeing them for months at a time. My heart squeezed painfully and I brusquely pushed aside that thought. I am going to spend every minute I can with them, I thought with determination.

It wasn't difficult, as both boys seemed to sense the winds of change and clung to me like there was no tomorrow. As the time neared to parting, the nervous tension in the house rocketed skyward. Every spare moment was spent together. No one wanted to part, as we didn't know when we would see each other again.

The day snuck up on us unexpectedly. One moment we had a week to go, the next it was only hours until departure.

Abe showed up to drive us to the train station. I would ride to Moscow with Paul, where he would get on a bus to his school, while I would go to the airport to head to Court.

"Now, Rose," Abe began. "I want you to keep this on you at all times. I want daily updates, and I'll return the favor." He handed me a headset along with a phone. "No one can trace this; it's one of my specialty phones," he added.

I put the phone in my pocket and linked the headset to it. The headset itself was small. There was one speaker, which looked like something for an iPod, and a subtle microphone. Both were skin colored, so unless you looked very carefully at the side of my face, you would never notice it was there.

"Daily updates? Promise?" I double checked.

Abe nodded. "Promise."

I flung my arms around him. "Thank you, Daddy," I whispered, holding back tears.

Abe hugged me back tightly. "Nothing to thank me for, kiz. I love you."

"I love you too, Daddy." I didn't care how little girl-y I sounded. My father was doing so much for me, sacrificing so much.

He let go and stepped back. "We need to get going," he said gruffly, his voice rough with emotion.

We all piled into his car, Paul, Xavier, Abe and I. It wasn't quite a limo, more like an extended SUV, but not quite a van. I had no idea cars like these existed, and suspected this was something unique to Abe, just like Abe himself.

The Belikovs, whom I'd already had a teary farewell with, waved as we drove off.

The drive to the train station was silent, putting in mind a funeral procession. Xavier clung to me, not wanting me to go.

It was heart breaking to see Xavier so upset about me leaving, and even more heart breaking to be leaving him.

I didn't rebuke him for clinging; I clung on to him like it was the last time I would see him. I shuddered away from the thought.

When the time came to truly leave, Xavier wouldn't let go.

"No, Momma, don't leave!" he sobbed.

I held him close to my heart, tears pouring silently from my eyes. "I don't want to," I told him. "I really don't. But I have to, love. I have to."

Xavier shook his head, his little fists clutching my shirt. "No, Momma!"

A sob escaped my tightly pressed lips. "Baby, I have to. I have to so you can see your daddy and your auntie Lissa and uncle Chris, and Uncle Adrian. All those people I promised you would meet, I have to keep that promise. And to do that I need to leave," I coaxed him.

Xavier kept shaking his head. "No, Momma, I don't want to meet them if you have to leave."

"Xavier." Inside, my heart finally tore itself for the last time. I forced his hands off of my shirt, and put him into Abe's arms. I gritted my teeth and wiped away my tears, allowing all emotions to disappear from my face. "You be good to your grandfather, now," I said sternly. "Now, say good bye to Paul, or else we're going to be late." I kissed him one last time, kissed my father, and then silently got onto the train, Pavel behind me.

I claimed a window seat, much like the last time I was on a train, going to Baia, though. Now I was leaving it, and the only thing more painful that this was when I left Dimitri. Why did leaving have to hurt so much?

Paul walked into the compartment just as the conductor was calling for the last passengers.

Out of the window, I could see my little boy clutching onto Abe, who was staring expressionless at the train.

Tears poured down my cheeks, and within moments, I was full on sobbing, great heaving sob that tore at my chest.

Why God? I asked silently, crying too hard to say it out loud. Why? What did I ever do to you? Pavel pulled me into his chest and allow me to cry myself out. Paul watched quietly, his red rimmed eyes empty.

It was dark by the time I finally calmed down. I now simply lay there on the lower bunk, empty, doing nothing more than breathing. There was nothing in me. I was an empty husk, a shell of a person. My heart was so torn and bleeding that there was nothing left to feel with. Part of my soul had been left with Dimitri, and the other part with Xavier. There was nothing left.

My mind was blank as I stood outside Lissa's apartment door. Lissa was inside, along with Christian, Dimitri, Adrian, and Viktoria. I knew Dominic had been discharged the day before, leaving vacant spots for Pavel and I.

I wasn't sure whether I should knock or just walk right in, but Pavel took the option off my hands. He knocked.

A couple of seconds ticked by before Viktoria opened the door. Her eyes widened when she saw who was on the other side, and stepped out, hurriedly closing thedoorbehind herself.

"Rose!" she whisper-yelled, then seemed to catch sight of my face. "Oh, Roza," she murmured, wrapping her arms around me in a hug filled with love. "It'll be okay."

I stayed still as a statue, not enough energy within me to reciprocate.

I swallowed, knowing I had to say something. "You are Christian's guarding along with Dimitri, and Pavel and me Lissa's, right?" I said all of this in one breath, my voice coming out scratchy and unused.

Viktoria nodded quickly, concern burning in her eyes. "Dimitri know about Xavier," she whispered, "but that's all he knows. Lissa doesn't know, or anyone else for that matter. He tried to get out of me why you had to leave, but I never told him. I'll make sure you're away from him, if you want?"

All I could manage was a single nod.

"Okay, we better go in. Lissa and everyone else is confused about the change in guardians. As am I."

"He's Abe's," I forced, attempting to give Pavel an apologetic look at the possessive.

Pavel simply nodded. "Abe put me in charge of the Princess and Rose, so both are safe," he rumbled out, his voice deep and vaguely accented.

"Oooh," Viktoria whispered, her eyes widening.

I took a deep breath. "We better get in there," I murmured, staring at the door as if it would eat me. Unfortunately, I wasn't that lucky.

Viktoria nodded and opened the door again.

"Who was there?" Christian called out.

Pavel stepped inside. "Me," he replied. He bowed. "I am Guardian Aleksandr Pavel. I am your new guardian, Princess Dragomir."

I couldn't see anyone's response to this, but I felt her surprise through the bond. No one had seen me yet, as I was covered by Pavel's huge frame.

"Please, call me Lissa," Lissa requested politely.

I took a deep breath and stepped out from behind Pavel.

The room was still. Then Lissa was hurtling at me, screaming, "Rose! You're back!"

She slammed into me and I braced myself to keep from falling backward. She hugged me tightly, but I stood still, not lifting a finger. After a moment, I stepped back, extricating myself from her arms.

I gave her a bow, my face emotionless, stone. "Hello, Princess Dragomir," I said coldly.

Lissa's intense shock and hurt course through me, pulling me into her mind. I had a brief moment to curse myself for not putting up my blocks, then I was staring...at me.

I looked so cold, stone, empty of any warmth. It was startling, and a little scary. It was as if I was a soulless, heartless machine, good for nothing more than fighting and protecting.

I winced mentally and pulled myself out.

"R-Rose?" Lissa asked in a small voice.

"Please call me Guardian Hathaway," I said smoothly, coolly.

Tears sprang to Lissa's eyes and she turned away. Christian opened his arms for her, holding her close. With a pang, I was reminded of my son, how I used to hold him exactly like that. I swallowed the building emotion.

I allowed my eyes to trail the room. I knew Dimitri was in the far right corner, so I started form the left.

Adrian was staring at me. No, not me. My aura. Judging by the screwed up and pained look on his face, it wasn't pretty. Personally, I didn't want to know what it looked like. Most likely it was that of a widow grieving the death of her son. Just a wild guess.

Viktoria stood near him, giving me a sympathetic look. My lips twitched in an attempt at a reassuring smile.

Next was Christian and Lissa, both of whom gave me wounded eyes.

I held my breath as my eyes traveled to the far right – to Dimitri.

As they landed on him, all air was knock out of me, like a punch in the stomach by an ancient Strigoi.

He looked unchanged. His hair was still long, tucked into a ponytail. His face was the familiar tan, unlined except for laugh lines in the corners of his eyes. But, oh, his eyes. They were twin pools of deep happiness and pain, misery and hope. He appeared as if he wanted to leap at me and wrap me in his arms, his body taunt like a bow string. I suspected nothing more than duty kept him glued to his spot; not even my cold reception of Lissa would dissuade him.

I drank him in greedily. I was afraid this would be the last time I could truly gaze upon him and not get in trouble. After all, it was only a matter of time before Seneca acted.

I could feel my body lean toward him, wanting nothing more than to jump into his arms, burying my face in his chest, inhale his delicious scent, and never resurface again. Pavel's hand stopped me.

It was nothing more than a brush against my arm, but I straightened up, trying to rid my body of all feelings. I wanted to go back to my emotionless existence of a few minutes ago. The want, the need, the love and pain coursing through me was dangerous.

I wasn't in control of myself, which could lead to mistakes on my part, which could result in someone getting hurt. And that was the last thing I wanted.

My spine straightened, and my chin lifted. "I am here to be your guardian, Princess Dragomir. I am aware that we will be attending Lehigh. Until then, Pavel and I will be trading shifts. If I am not needed, then I will be staying in a guardian apartment until it is my shift," I said formally.

Silence. Then, "No, Rose, we got it," Viktoria said casually.

I gave a single nod and walked out.

A/N: You have no idea how happy I am to be posting this again! Soo...I'm back :D For real, this time! I'm going to keep going with this story until it's finished! Not that there's much left...well, about ten chapters, or so...(: Next chapter is DPOV of Rose's return! :D I'm not sure when I'll be able to update the next chapter, since I have school for the next four days, but I certainly will have the next one my Sunday :D I have a difficult time writing during the school week, since I'm always tired when I come home. But...I'm going to start replying to your reviews in the chapter(: It's fun! So if you see an uberly long chapter, keep in mind part of that is the response to reviews! I won't do it for this chapter, since it's late here and I still need to do stuff, but next chapter, definitely!

Sorry for such a long wait. Thank you everyone for reviewing! Show some love to the broken Rose, and review :D