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Confessions in Ice

Chapter Ten

The following day was beautifully sunny, contrasting from the previous night's monsoon. Even after the group ate at the restaurant, it was still pouring outside. Everyone parted ways after their shared meal, surprisingly an eerily quiet meal. Yes, Yusuke and Kuwabara were still as boisterous as ever, but once Yusuke had mentioned the girl he shoved Kurama towards, the air around the group drastically shifted. The only ones who noticed this shift were Kurama himself, Yukina obviously, and also Shizuru. Shuuichi had noticed something, but he didn't understand it. All he knew was that his stepbrother had spoken with a girl…and that the group for some reason called his brother Kurama. The young man had asked why and he'd just tossed it aside, saying they gave him the nickname because he always seemed to be the peacemaker of the group. Shuuichi seemed to buy it for the moment and he was glad for that.

As they headed back to their home, Shuuichi attempted to mention the girl again, but the demon really didn't wish to give his stepbrother musings of a possible relationship that didn't exist. Instead, he told him that Yusuke had been pushing him to find a date to the wedding, but he wasn't interested in anyone right now. It wasn't exactly a lie if it was something one forced himself to believe.

Besides, she would be going with Kuwabara, anyway. Well, there goes that dangerous line of thinking again. What was wrong with him? Surely, he had enough years in him to know when a woman was not to be pursued or even thought about.

Maybe that was the problem. When he was Youko, he just always went for what he wanted, whether it be spoil or female. He never had to ask and never cared about consequences. Yet another reminder of what he could have been…

He shook his head of such thoughts. He was not like that now and he could subdue himself. It wasn't that hard. All he had to do was stay away. Keep silent. He was a master of patience and control. He could do this. Feelings would pass and all would go back to normal again.

This was just another test.

"Um, Shuichi?"

He looked over to his stepbrother and saw concern flash in his eyes. "Yes?"

"Are you okay? You looked...a little intense just now."

Kurama smiled assuring the teenager. "I'm fine," he lied. "It's just been a long day."

Shuuichi seemed content with the answer. "That's okay. When we get home, we should make some tea and watch a couple movies."

"Sounds like a plan," Kurama replied.

"Also…" He sighed and nodded, allowing the teenager to speak what was on his mind. "Your friends probably just want to help you. If you're having relationship trouble, you could always talk to them, right?"

He answered with a nod, but he once again lied to his brother. Unfortunately, there was no one he could go to with his problems. Not Yusuke, especially not Kuwabara or his sister, and definitely not Hiei. There was no one he could speak with about whatever ideas entered his head. He needed to deal with them alone.

Alone. Yes, she just needed to stay alone. Eventually Kazuma would figure out she wasn't interested and then she could live the remainder of her life in the temple. Genkai had already voiced she intended to give the temple to all of them when she passed and Yukina figured taking care of the beautiful building wasn't such a bad existence.

She sensed a familiar presence behind her and looked up to see Shizuru Kuwabara once again. "Hello," she simply responded to the taller woman.

The human smiled. "Hey. I was trying to visit Genkai and then I saw you sitting here with a face that screamed misery, so I figured I'd ask what's wrong...so what's wrong, kid?"

She tried not to appear as alarmed as she felt, for Shizuru would definitely notice. Instead, she forced a smile and then looked out into the courtyard. "Nothing...just thin-"

"Thinking, right," Shizuru stated. "It seems like you've been doing a great deal of thinking lately, and it always causes you to look like that. So tell me, girl, what's wrong?"

Shizuru had always treated Yukina nicely and fairly, but what would she say if Yukina admitted that she didn't have feelings for her brother? Would she hate her? To make matters worse, she was taking notice of another member of the team and it was tearing her apart. Could she confide in Shizuru? Would she still treat her the same? No. No, Yukina didn't believe she would if she did anything to hurt Kazuma. Her mind went back to whatever she had felt the night before when Yusuke had mentioned Kurama talking to a girl, the dejection she felt. No, she had to deal with all of this herself. It would ruin too much.

Shizuru sighed at her resistance to answer and sat down beside her on the porch. A reassuring hand was placed on her shoulder. "Look. I have been picking up some things lately…"

She swallowed hard.

"Something is off when you're around my brother. Ever since he told you how he really feels and explained it to you, you've been acting weird. The kind of weird that says...back off, man." She inhaled a drag, purposefully slow. "So…" she breathed out the word, smoke surrounding them. "Do you like my brother like that or not?"

Time felt like it was standing still after Shizuru voiced her question. Yukina didn't know how to avoid the question any longer without lying. "I-I," she stuttered. "I like your brother very much."

"Just not like that?"

The ice maiden deflated. "No…" she admitted.

The elder Kuwabara nodded. "Yeah, it's not a crime, you know. You can't control who you don't like…" She paused. "And who you do…"

She blinked. Did Shizuru know? Did she sense something between herself and Kurama? But what exactly was there to sense anyway? A few looks back and forth? Nothing had really happened between them. Nothing further than friendship. The events did make it so she knew deep, personal thing about Kurama, but that wasn't the same as years spent in romance. Nothing was built and grown here. It was just…

What she had heard described as "butterflies in your stomach." A heat rising on her face. Skin prickling with bumps. What was that? Infatuation? A...crush?

But what good did that do? She sighed and faced Shizuru. "Yes, I know that...but the last thing I want to do is hurt your brother. I do care for him very much…"

The other woman nodded. "Yeah, I know." And a hand was placed on her back. "I think if you just tell him the truth it'll be better than hiding it. He'll be hurt, no doubt, but he'll be hurt worse down the line when he finds out you lied to him. What'cha gonna do? Marry him then years later leave him?"

"I would never-!"

"You don't know what you would never. And I get it. I get when it just doesn't work and I don't blame you for that. But what I would blame you for is making him believe he has a shot with you when clearly he doesn't. And then I wouldn't be very happy…" And the hand squeezed her shoulder. It wasn't threatening, but it was a clear message.

Both their heads looked up to see the subject of their tense conversation panting up the stairs. "Yukina! And...sis, what are you doing here?"

Shizuru's eye twitched. "You know, I'm getting sick of being greeted like an afterthought."

He nervously scratched his head. "Hello, my loving sister who I love with all the love in my heart."

Said sister shook her head. "Whatever."

"Kazuma, can you give Shizuru and I just a few moments alone?"

He looked curiously at them and Shizuru shrugged. "Unless you just wanna hear about girl hygiene problems-"

"Ew, no! Um, that's private and I'll just leave you to it!" He ran inside and the two were left alone again.

She sighed heavily. "I...just need more time, Shizuru. I promise when I figure it out, I will tell him the truth."

The older woman nodded. "Yeah, okay good. And tell Genkai I stopped by too." She started to walk away.

"Don't you want to visit with Kazuma?"

The question wasn't answered as the human went down the stairs, smoke trailing her.

She sighed heavily as his voice called for her. "Kazuma, would you like some tea?" she asked as she went inside.

A sigh escaped Kurama as he drank his morning tea taking a glance at the newspaper, though hardly reading it. His mind was dangerously wandering elsewhere, but he knew he needed to keep up appearances in the Minamino household. It was a habit of his, to read during breakfast, mainly to see if any demons had been stirring up trouble in Human World. Of course, there were still many unaware of demonkind, though mysterious things would occur from time to time. Those stories started becoming few and far between once Enki took power.

There were always a few stragglers trying to cause trouble, demons like Yomi who did not care for peace between the worlds. Kurama frowned as he thought about his former thieving partner, the one who started this whole mess. According to the team, Yomi was now in a world where he was powerless, a fitting end for the ambitious king. A part of Kurama would always blame him for his confliction. Before he had sent him to that world, Kurama had been certain that he pushed Youko down inside him for good. He had made a clean break from his past, and he was living a fulfilling life as a human.

Unfortunately, he could not blame Yomi for his current guilt.

Seeing what he could have become was devastating, and nightmares still cursed him from time to time. Thankfully, Yukina had offered her insight. Any of them could have led a dark life, but Kurama had learned a better way than what he had known, and he had a human woman to thank for that. Yomi was right, in a sense, but he was also completely wrong. He wanted Kurama to see what Yomi wanted Kurama to be.

So, Kurama was able to begrudgingly force those dark thoughts down whenever they struck him. Besides, his mind was busy working over his current dilemma, a problem that was indirectly caused by Yomi's attempts. Had Kurama not been in that world, he wouldn't have had to collect the item that would return him home. Saying that, he would have never been poisoned, and then Yukina would have never had to tend to him. Where he couldn't directly blame Yomi for his feelings, maybe he could blame him for the situation having ever arisen.

He should not have feelings for Yukina, yet somehow they had hit him so strongly. Perhaps it was because of her sympathy as she nurse him back to health, or maybe it was the fact that she had kept him alive and encouraged him to keep fighting when he wanted to give up. Either way, she was off limits. He knew this, and yet he couldn't keep from thinking about her. Images from that false world returned to him. He had betrayed his teammates in that world. If he pursued Yukina, he would be doing the exact same thing.

Maybe he and Youko were not all that different.

"Good morning, Shuichi."

Kurama nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard his mother's voice. He had been so lost in thought that he hadn't heard her enter the kitchen. Placing the paper down on the table, he forced on a smile so as not to alert the woman to his dilemma. "Good morning, mother."

The brunette looked to her son and smiled warmly. "May I ask what was so interesting in the paper that had captured your attention for nearly fifteen minutes?"

Green eyes widened slightly, and for the first time around his human mother Kurama was nervous. "E-Excuse me?"

"I came in about fifteen minutes ago, Shuichi. You didn't acknowledge me once," Shiori explained. "I even called your name at least twice. Is everything all right?"

"Yes." No.

Shiori didn't look convinced, however she knew that her son was not very forthcoming with information. He never discussed with her the things that bothered him on a regular basis, though Shiori could always determine Shuichi's mood. He was a quiet boy, but even more so when something was on his mind. He rarely ever zoned out. The last time he had ever been that lost in thought had been back when he was in middle school before going on a two week trip with his friends. Once they returned, his mood had improved greatly.

This, however, had been going on for a long time. It started back when he had gone to visit his friends, and then he had been gone for so long. Shuichi must have been dealing with something and had the foresight to visit with his friends. Normally, they improved his mood and he would return home calm. This time, he only seemed to be more stressed. Sometimes at night, as she passed his room, she could hear him muttering incoherent words in his sleep yet sounding so pained. Of course, he seemed perfectly fine in the morning, just quieter than usual and distracted.

No, her son would not come to her, even when he was a child, content to handle everything on his own. Sometimes she wondered how a boy could teach himself to cope with life's challenges with hardly any interference, but her son had always been very special. She considered that maybe he didn't realize he could go to her, though she would never understand that thought. She was his mother, and it was her job to guide him even if he didn't want or know he needed guidance. Something was troubling him, and she would get to the bottom of it.

"Shuichi," she softly called, taking a seat beside him. Kurama eyed her strangely, wondering what she was doing. Her action of sitting beside him made him feel cornered, wary. This was not the right way to feel… "Why don't you tell me what's been troubling you?" Her son was clearly surprised by the offer. "You haven't been acting like yourself since you returned from spending time with your friends. Did something happen on your trip?"

Green eyes narrowed slightly in confusion, Kurama mentally calculating the woman's words. She knew something, he assumed, though he had done nothing to give himself away. He had been acting completely normal. "What makes you think anything is wrong?" he asked cautiously. "I have been acting no different."

"You get lost in thought easily now, son," Shuichi voiced, her concern evident. "If something is bothering you, you know you can come to me, yes?"

Kurama wanted to reject her words, but he bit his tongue. For the longest time he had treated Shiori as an inferior being long before she managed to change his opinion of her. Memories of their time together flooded his mind, and he realized that he continued to do so even after she had recovered from her illness. He hardly spoke to her about anything, and yet she was always waiting to lend a listening ear as most parents did for their children.

Could he take advantage of this moment? Should he? It had occurred to him earlier, after his and Shuuichi's talk, that he had no one to confide in about his feelings. A selfish part of him wanted to bring her into this so that he wouldn't be facing the situation alone, but maybe his role was to spare the woman the pain of knowing her son was contemplating stabbing a friend in that back. A strange thought hit the fox. Was this how most humans felt when they had done something terrible, wanting to confide in their parents, but fearing the reaction.

Did that mean he was afraid?

No, that was ridiculous. Even though he had forsaken his past, he still had his pride. If he had to be honest with himself, though, there was something. These thoughts of Yukina just wouldn't leave him. There had to be some way to stop this. "Did I lose you?"

Kurama snapped back to attention realizing that he had just proven Shiori's point. This was the second time he had lost himself and his alertness. His brow furrowed before he looked away and released a heavy sigh. She wouldn't let this go, he was certain. If he didn't give her an answer, there was no doubt in the redhead's mind that this topic of conversation would be brought up each day. Hopefully, what he was about to do wouldn't come back to haunt him later. "I…" he started nervously before he realized he didn't know how to put his thoughts into words. "The trip was fine," he lied. "Just...a certain someone has been plaguing my thoughts."

"Is it that girl Shuu mentioned?" Kurama flinched and looked to his mother alarmed. "The one your friends attempted to set you up with?"

Kurama breathed out in relief and shook his head. "No, not exactly," he admitted to the woman. "Someone else, a friend. I...I grew closer to someone on my trip, and now I'm afraid at my own desire to pursue her."

"Is it that Botan girl?" Shiori questioned, having met the blue-haired girl on more than one occasion.

That actually managed to pull a laugh from her son. "No, not her. A friend you have never met, though that would have made things much simpler."

"What makes you say that?"

Another sigh escaped him at the thought of having to voice the worst of it, though he made it this far already. "This one...she is not available."

Shiori's eyes softened sympathetically. "She has a boyfriend."

"Not exactly," Kurama hesitated, looking down at his arm warily. "She is not seeing anyone, but...another friend of ours...he loves her. I couldn't…"

The mother instantly understood and cast her son an understanding smile. "But you want to," she determined, and Kurama weakly nodded, not willing to meet the eyes of the woman. "Does this girl return your friend's feelings?"

A shake of the head was her answer. "No. Though she cares about him, she confided in me that her feelings differ greatly from his. Still, it's wrong. I shouldn't even be considering going behind a friend's back."

"Sometimes we can't control these things, Shuichi," his mother offered her advice. "No one can control who they love."

Blushing, Kurama met the woman's gaze. "I...I don't know if I…"

"You've been fighting your feelings since you returned home," Shiori explained. "Do you know if this girl feels the same for you?"

"I…" Kurama murmured. "I don't know."

"Maybe you owe it to yourself to find out."

Kurama's eyes widened in shock. How could his mother be encouraging this? Did she miss the part where he would figuratively be taking a knife to Kuwabara? "But what about…"

"Shuichi," Shiori soothed, placing a comforting hand on her son's shoulder. "You're my son, and I want you to be happy. You are friends with this girl, yes?" Kurama nodded. "Then just spend time with her and see if these feelings grow. It's possible you just have a crush, but you will never know unless you get to know her first. This may just be a fleeting feeling, and then there would be nothing to worry yourself with guilt over."

He had to admit she had a point. Still… "And what if I find that I do l-" He cut himself off, not wanting to even voice the possibility. "What then?"

"Then you should talk with both her and your friend," Shiori explained. "It will be difficult, I'm sure, especially if his feelings for her are so strong, but if she doesn't share his feelings yet shares yours then the two of you ought to see where it leads you. It's never wrong to fall in love, son."

Kurama wanted to contradict that. He had seen his fair share of hopeless heartbreaks during his thousand years, not with himself but with others. Love wasn't always as simple as Shiori seemed to believe. He couldn't fault her. She grew up in a more idealistic society than he had, and she had taught him that love did exist.

He didn't know if he loved Yukina, though it would be much easier to find out if he had feelings or was just infatuated with her. She had nursed him back to health and remained by his side, so it was possible that the feelings were just fleeting sentiments as his mother had suggested they could be. If that were the case, then there would be no problem.

The only questioned that remained was this: Did it pay to investigate when the risks of falling for her were there, or should he just remain alone as he always did?

He had a lot more that he needed to think about.

~To Be Continued

Dream AN: I would like to extend my personal thanks to Stormie who has pretty much been writing the bulk of this from this point on. I have had severe writer's block for over a year and depression and she is trying her best to steer me on and give me encouragement. Thank you my friend :)