Warning:
(I meant to do this with the other chapters). There is a scene with rape in this chapter and if that makes you uncomfortable then you can just skip that section of the story.
Bella
Happy Birthday to me!
Happy birthday to me!
Happy birthday to meee!
Happy birthday to me!
I'm fifteen today. I wondered if it would feel different, being a year older, but I still feel the same: crappy and depressed. School was a fucking disaster. Apparently, Edward talked to his friends but they either didn't believe him or didn't care. They still harassed me every chance they got. At this point, it was impossible to redeem my reputation. I was a lost cause.
The only good thing about today was that Angela baked me birthday cupcakes. However, I think they were more- I'm sorry for ditching you at the party and avoiding you all week- cupcakes.
I didn't care though. I understood that she had better things to do than to worry about me all day. Besides, Angela looked beat up enough as it was. Her parents found out that she and Ben were dating. That's right. I said dating, as in boyfriend and girlfriend.
They were not pleased. They had very traditional values around boys and sex and believed that a person should save themselves for marriage. To say Angela was heartbroken was an understatement.
That is why they spent as much time together as they could in school. Her parents were monitoring her phone, making sure she wasn't secretly texting him. I loved the Webbers but they were even a bit much for me sometimes.
We sat at Liberty Park, drunk out of our minds, filling ourselves with sugar and preservatives. Ben's brother had bought Vodka and Angela may have borrowed a bottle.
Remembering my last experience with alcohol, everything inside me screamed, NO! However, right now, I just wanted to forget my sucky life and be happy. It was my fucking birthday for crying out loud!
It felt like I was about to fall into a food coma. My diet has greatly decreased in the past few months and I'm pretty sure I was boarding on the line of anorexia. I jump off the swing, landing hard on the ground. I lay back, feeling the wood chips stab me. I close my eyes, letting my face soak up the sun. I wanted to lay here forever.
Today was a good day. I always hated my birthday and the attention but today was tolerable. It was a Friday and my birthdays were never on weekends but I guess it was better than being on a Monday.
"I wish we could feeel this way foreeever," Angela mused. She licked the vanilla frosting off of the chocolate cupcake.
Yes. it would be nice.
I sit up, grabbing the bottle from her, taking another swig. What I'd do to forget everything. How much more would I have to drink?
"Don't you have to go to a partyyy, today?" Angela asks.
"Uhmmyeah," I slur. "Wha-what, time, is it?"
"Like, 5:00."
My head shoots up and the bottle drops from my hand, spilling all over the ground. "Shit!"
I was late to my own party.
"Bella!" She whines.
"I've got to, um, get go!"
I grab my backpack, pushing myself off the ground, stumbling forward in the process.
"Buuut, we're druunk!
"Idontcare!"
My parents were going to kill me.
"I thought you didn't wanna go to the partyyy."
I don't.
"You hate edwaard," she said. "You hate everyone."
I hate everyone that's going to be at the stupid party.
"Buuut, you don't hate meee," Angela smiles.
I don't respond. She takes that as confirmation that I don't hate her. Angela was my best friend and without her, I would be completely alone. I couldn't hate her. Was I even allowed to? The thing was, I did hate her. I hated her being outgoing and likable and pretty. I hated her for being everything that I was not.
"Just stay with meee," she whines.
I shake my head, making the world spin around me. "I can't."
She pouts but decides to come with me. We leave the park, eating cupcakes as we walk, giggling at the most random things. I'm sure that we looked like idiots but I didn't care. I was drunk and happy. That's all that mattered right now.
Emmett had given me a card that made fart noises to the tune of Happy Birthday. He called it: Happy Fartday.
I giggle, as I remember opening it this morning. It was the stupidest thing that he had ever given me but I loved the damn card. It's how Emmett and I used to always be together. We had fun. I was a fun person.
Angela and I had separated at the corner of Washington Ave. She sadly went to her house… with the cupcakes.
Now I stood in front of mine, looking like a drunken mess. Everyone's cars were in the driveway. The Cullens, Hales, and… Jacob's.
Shit. I should have known they were going to be here. I don't understand why I couldn't invite Angela. She was as much a part of the family as the others. It wasn't fair.
I stumble through the front door, leaning against the wall for support. Everything felt like it was tipping sideways. I stare at Jasper as he appears around the corner. He puts his drink down, rushing over to me. Was he falling over or was I? At the last second, I'm in his arms. He smells like Tacos and Salsa.
"Happy Birthday to me!" I laugh.
"Bella?" His voice is incredulous.
He stands me up straight and I leaned into his arms, using him for support. I could hear noise coming from the other room. Maybe I should say hello to everyone.
"Heyyy, Jazz." I laughed.
"Wha-"
"I'm not drunk!" I adamantly said. I pucker my lips, furrow my eyebrows, and narrow my eyes.
On the other hand, Mr. Grumpy pants seemed to get even grumpier. He mumbled something under his breath and dragged me towards the stairs.
"Wait!" I yell as we pass the living room. "We didn't say hi to everyone!"
"You can do that later," he calmly says, trying to bring me up the stairs. Before we can get any further, Emmett suddenly appears.
"Dude, what are you-" He pauses when he sees my lopsided smile and lack of balance. He rushes forward holding onto my other side as Jasper struggles to keep me upright.
"Is she drunk?" Emmett says to Jasper above my head.
"No!"
"Yeah," Jasper contradicts me. "She just walked in when I was going to the kitchen."
"Fuck," Emmett mutters.
"You said a naughty word," I giggled.
"Can you just be quiet for a second?" He grumbles. Rolling his eyes, Emmett looks less than pleased.
He and Jasper grab onto me, slowly bringing me upstairs. We make it to the top and they lead me to my bedroom and I flop down on my stomach on the soft cushy bed.
"Take a nap with me, Emmy," I sighed. He hated that name so that's what I always called him.
"No," he growled. He flipped me over so that I was lying on my back. I look at him and Jasper, trying to focus my vision. "There are two of you."
Emmett sighs, running his hand through his curly hair. I didn't know why he was in such a bad mood. It was my birthday! He should be happy!
"What are we going to do?" Jasper says. "Should we tell your parents?"
Emmett shakes his head. "Just try to keep her up here. I'll tell them that she came home and wasn't feeling well."
"What if they want to see her?"
"Then we'll say she's sleeping," he sighs. "I'll go get Tylenol and water. Can you just stay with her for a few minutes?"
Jasper hums a yes.
Emmett leaves the room leaving the two of us alone. Jasper sits on the edge of the bed and his hand rested on my ankle. He pursed his lips as he looked at me.
"What were you thinking?" He mumbled.
"I wasn't."
"Obviously," he snorts.
"You're really cute," I sighed in a daze.
"And you're really drunk."
"It's my birthday!" I exclaimed. "I just had a few birthday drinks!"
"You're a mess." He rolls his eyes, leaning back against the headboard. "Where did you even get the alcohol?"
"Angie."
"And where did Angela get the alcohol?"
"Ben."
"Where did Ben get the alcohol?" He asks, fed up.
"His brother," I laughed.
"Do you know what you were drinking?" He grits his teeth, trying to control his annoyance.
"Vodka," I mumble.
"Jesus Christ," he mutters. "Are you trying to kill yourself?"
"Maybe… I… am." I sigh.
He doesn't say anything else. I close my eyes letting myself drift into a deep sleep. Let him tell the world what a mess I am. I don't care who sees. My reputation is already out of the door. How much more can I lose?
I woke up to the feel of the bed dipping down. Somebody was with me. Something was different. It wasn't Jasper or Emmett. The Tylenol and water sat untouched on the nightstand. The room felt as if it had dropped twenty degrees. I kicked my legs but they got tangled up in something. I start to stir, trying to sit up but suddenly a person leans over me. My head falls back against the fluffy pillow.
Why did my body feel like deadweight?
"Shhh," they said. "Go back to sleep."
Jacob. I would recognize that voice anywhere.
He gently pushed me back down. He's touching me. Touching me places where no one should touch. I kick my legs again, realizing why it felt so cold. I wasn't wearing any pants. My underwear was gone.
I can't go back to sleep now. My heart races against my chest. My mind is demanding that I get up, run, scream, cry. But I can't will my body to listen. I'm frozen in terror. It's like when someone holds a gun to your head and every fear that you've ever had in your life becomes a reality. That is what this felt like right now.
"Just relax," he whispers in my ear. "The more you fight the more it will hurt."
This was punishment for the party. He said that it wasn't over.
Jacob covers my mouth with his hand. "Don't say a fucking word. Everybody is eating dinner right now so they won't hear you. They think that I'm in the bathroom."
He's the lion and I'm the lamb. No matter how far I run, he'll always catch me. There is no escaping Jacob. What he wants, he gets. He's made it clear what will happen if I refuse.
His meaty hands are under my shirt, pawing at my breasts as he sucks the crook of my neck. I try to turn away but he yanks my hair, forcing me to stay still. Hot tears pour down my cheeks and my lips quiver. My body shakes like a leaf as silent sobs escape my lips.
Like a punch to the stomach, a sudden ripping, searing pain from down below has me gasping in agony. He grunts and moans above me, oblivious to the damage he's causing. He's got me trapped with nowhere to run. He wants me to feel the pain. He wants me to suffer. He gets pleasure from other people's suffering.
There is no fighting him off. There is no screaming for help because he'll hurt me even more. The only thing I can do is float. I can let myself float away in a desolate ominous sea of nothingness. That way I won't have to feel the pain, the agony. I can just drift away and pretend that I was never here.
I don't know how long it lasts but suddenly all time rushes back and he's off of me. He pulls up his pants and does the same for me. My eyes tracked his every movement, making sure he was done for good.
Jacob smiles before opening the door and whispers, "Go back to sleep, Bella. It'll be like I was never here."
"Why?" My voice croaks. Why me?
Jacob doesn't respond. All he does his walk out the door and slammed it shut. What just happened?
My stomach was in knots and I kept swallowing, trying to hold back the warm rising feeling at the back of my throat. I could taste it in my mouth and without a second thought, I grabbed the nearest trash can, vomiting everything up.
The nausea comes in waves, leaving me heaving and others times puking. I slump back against the pillows, feeling the heat creep up my neck. I was sweating and nauseated and exhausted. But I couldn't go back to sleep. I couldn't close my eyes because he could come back and I had to be prepared this time. I wouldn't let him attack again.
There is a sudden knock at the door. My heart is thumping against my chest and I push myself up, wanting to be prepared for whoever it is.
"Bella?" The soprano voice sings.
It's Alice.
She doesn't wait for me to speak and just walks in. Her face immediately scrunches up into a disgusted look as if somebody has just thrown up. Oh, wait. I just did. It smelt like rotten eggs and diarrhea.
I was oblivious to all of it. My main concern was getting away from Jacob and not dying from heatstroke. When did it get so warm?
"You look awful," she sighed. Alice walks over to me and puts her hand against my forehead. "Jesus, you're so warm."
She opens up the windows letting the now cool air in. I moan, liking the feeling of the wind against my sticky body.
"Does that feel better?"
"Y-yeah," I stuttered.
I watch her leave the room with the trash can and comes back with a brand new bag, air freshener, and a wet washcloth. She puts the bucket by my bed and sprays a lilac scent around the room tickling my nose, and making me cough. The wet washcloth is placed over my forehead, instantly soothing my constant stress.
"I would suggest taking some Tylenol," she says. I ignore her and wring my hands around and around. Why did she make me so nervous?
"Emmett told all of us that you had a little too much to drink," she said. "We've all been taking turns coming to check on you."
"My parents?" My eyebrows quirk. Do they know?
"Our parents just think that you aren't feeling well. My dad wanted to come and check on you but we convinced him that you were fine. We've been stalling them for as long as we can."
I was safe from them… at least for now.
"You've been asleep for the past hour. Jacob just came before me," she said. "Were you awake?"
My stomach does a flip at the sound of his name. "No, I was still asleep."
She fiddles with her fingers and sits with her legs crossed, staring at me with judging eyes. "You are going to feel even worse tomorrow."
"Does it matter?"
She rolls her eyes. "Of course it matters!"
"I just- I just wanted a little break," I breathe.
"From what?" Her voice raises an octave.
"Life," I shrug my shoulders.
The next morning, I manage to throw up several times in a short span of thirty minutes. Being drunk and making yourself undrunk were two completely separate things. Wasn't drinking coffee or water supposed to help?
I drag myself out of bed, ignoring the stinging pain from down below. Bella, you are fine. Suck it up.
I brush my teeth, removing the acidic aftertaste. Remind me why I drank so much yesterday? Oh right! It was my fucking birthday and I spent it drunk and throwing up. Did my parents even notice that I was missing from my own party? Damn you, Angela!
I swallow the pills and head downstairs to the smell of burnt pancakes and orange juice. I stood at the entrance of the kitchen watching Emmett eat Froot Loops. My parents fought like cats and dogs in the other room as they did every morning and I just stood numb, stiff as a board, watching my brother eat his damn breakfast.
My stomach growled, alerting him to my presence. His lips were pursed as he took in my crappy appearance. Emmett knew something was wrong. His body was tense and face was serious. I couldn't bear to look at him. My hands were noticeably shaking as I calmly walked into the kitchen, past my brother and got a slice of bread. I could feel his eyes boring into my back, knowing that he had questions.
"Is that all you are going to eat?"
I turned around to face him.
"Yes," I sighed. "Do you have a problem with that?"
"When was the last time you had an actual meal?"
"Angela baked me cupcakes yesterday."
"That's not real food!" He raised his voice.
"Well, it tasted fucking fantastic!" I growled.
"Yeah, Vodka and cupcakes are a great meal! We should eat that every day!"
Note the sarcasm.
I rolled my eyes and leaned against the counter. "I don't harp on you for getting drunk and having fun so I'd appreciate if you'd give me the same respect!"
"Well, I don't drink excessively to the point of blacking out," he defended himself. "Besides, it's different with you!"
"Different? How so? " I scoff. "Is it because you think I'm more fragile? I'm weaker?"
Emmett doesn't respond and he knows that I'm right. I smirk, challenging him to contradict me.
"I-I love you, Bella," his voice cracks. "You are destroying yourself right in front of us and I don't know what to do-"
"You don't have to do anything because I'm fine!" My body trembled in rage.
"You don't actually believe that do you? You came home fuck drunk yesterday, you're acting out in school, treating mom and dad like shit-"
"Don't you dare bring them into this!" I point my finger at him.
"You didn't even show up to the party that they worked so hard on just for you! Do you know how selfish that is? Do you know how disappointed they are?"
"I. Don't. Care." I said calmly. "You and everyone else are delusional! Do you think that you can fix me? News Flash! I don't want to be fixed so just stay out of my fucking life!"
Fuck Jacob!
Fuck Emmett!
Fuck Tanya!
Fuck everyone else who has made my life a fucking mess!
I don't stick around to hear what he has to say. The hurt and pain that will be on his face are enough to make me want to fall to my knees. I just run, not feeling my feet as they raced across the gravel. It felt like I was floating and getting further and further away from home. Houses pass by and foreign streets become all too common.
Where the hell was I? I turn in a circle, gazing at all of the five-story gigantic mansions around me. I walk up to the green street sign that says:
Volturi Lane.
The atmosphere screamed wealth, snobbiness, and power. Bentleys, Porsches, and Ferraris sat in the driveways and each house had the perfectly mowed lawn with the perfectly beautiful garden. I felt out of place being still in my pajamas however the problem was I didn't know my way home.
With a great big sigh, I collapse onto the front lawn. The grass tickled my legs, leaving me uncomfortable. At this point, I didn't care if someone yelled at me. I was just so done.
My face sat in the palm of my hands as my elbows rested on my knees. I let my eyes flutter shut.
I'd just rest for a moment. Just a moment.
However, as soon as I'd closed them, I was awakened. My eyes snapped back open and I squinted as a blue Maserati car came rolling up right in front of me. The door flung open and out popped Kate Denali, looking as stunning as ever.
"Bella?"
She looked at me with her hands rested on her hips. Her lips were pursed and I could only imagine what she was thinking. Why was this girl sleeping on someone's front lawn?
"What are you doing here?" She asked in disbelief. "You know that this is my house?"
Her house? I turned and looked over my shoulder at the three-story, hideously beautiful brick house. I didn't know Tanya was so rich. She dressed like a first class whore.
"Oh sorry," I mumbled under my breath, pushing myself up and dusting the dirt off of my shorts. I looked at my feet, trying to hide the embarrassment that burned on my face.
"I got lost," I sighed.
Kate laughed, showing off her dimples as she did so. She reopened the door motioning for me to join her. "C' mon!"
I look up at her surprised. She wasn't going to laugh and make fun of me first? She wasn't going to tell me how ridiculous I looked right now? I hesitantly got into the passenger seat, buckling the seatbelt after Kate had started driving.
"You don't have to drive me home," I said.
Kate shrugged, keeping her blue eyes focused on the road in front of us. "It's the least I can do after everything. I did a bitchy thing, ditching you at the party and then avoiding you the past couple of weeks at school."
I was right. She was avoiding me.
"It's fine," I mumbled, not knowing what else to say.
It's painfully quiet for the next ten minutes, except for the clicking of the turn signal and rattling of objects outside and in the car.
"Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?" Kate sounded desperate. "I want to make things right."
"Oh! Oh… it's fine," I ramble. "Really, everything is fine. I just need to get my shit together and figure things out at school."
Kate nodded once, saying nothing further.
In the reflection of the window, I thought I saw tears in Kate's eyes. Maybe, I was just seeing things. I decided that it would be safe not to mention it, knowing that I didn't like being called out when upset.
I gaze out the window at the passing neighborhoods and houses, realizing how far I actually ran. I fiddle with my thumbs, resisting the urge to look at Kate. Pretty soon, my house came into view and we pulled into my driveway.
"Thanks, for driving me," I broke the silence.
"Y-yeah," she said surprised. "Of course!"
I jump out of the car and walk up to the door. I was about to go inside when I heard her voice:
"I would really like to make things better!"
I turn around and watch Kate as she pulls out of the driveway and drives away. I keep my mouth shut, knowing that she wouldn't hear me now. I had so many things I wanted to say. But I kept my mouth shut.
PLEASE READ AUTHORS NOTE!
Hey Everybody! I know that I'm super bad with doing the author notes and I am going to try to start doing them more often! First off, I just wanted to thank everyone that has read and reviewed this story because it really means a lot! The reason I am writing are because of two very serious reasons:
1. Some people have wondered why I chose to write a fanfic about sexual assault?
A: Thankfully, I have not been sexually assaulted or harmed in any way but I do know somebody who had been. A close friend of my family was raped six years ago when she was twelve years old by a classmate. She never told anybody what happened because her life and the lives of the people she cared about were threatened. Much like Bella when she got to high school, she started constantly drinking, partying, smoking, carelessly having sex and was slut shammed by her entire school. This was her way of dealing with her depression and trying ignore the pain. But, unfortunately, three months ago, she committed suicide on her eighteenth birthday. She left a note explaining what happened and her behaviour. She was an amazing girl, friend, and person and that deserved all of the happiness in the world! If I had known what had happened then I would have tried my damn hardest to help her. By writing, this fanfic, it is a way for me to tell her story and keep her memory alive because no one deserves to be raped, sexually assaulted, or harassed.
2. Inappropriate Comments:
A: I'm furious with a few disgusting private messages I have received from users! They claim that girls are asking to be raped, by the way that they are acting and dressing! People have said that in this story, Bella deserved to be raped! I just want to be clear that nobody asks to be raped! Rape is when a person has sexual intercourse with another AGAINST THEIR WILL! Sexual violence does not discriminate! It can happen to any race, gender, or sexual orientation. I will not tolerate comments being made like that and I have and will report any users who do say that stuff!
Sexual assault is a serious issue that is not talked about regularly enough. There is a lot of stigma surrounding the issue and I urge you to do more research on the topic before you make those careless and insensitive comments. You don't know who will read them because anybody could have been affected by sexual violence!
LASTLY, I urge everybody who has ever experienced or knows somebody who's had suicidal thoughts or actions and has been affected by sexual violence or knows somebody who has to contact your local suicide and sexual assault crisis hotline numbers and find help. Your life is worth it and nobody deserves to be in pain! That is all for now and I do hope that you enjoyed this chapter!