"Why can't you see it?" ranted Fry, who was gripping the pamphlet in front of his robotic friend's eyes. "It's all right here, as clear as the nose on your face!"

"You got that right," said Bender, who didn't have a nose.

His expression frantic, Fry turned to the other PE staff members, including Hermes, Zoidberg, and Scruffy. "You're all in danger," he warned them. "Mom's plotting to shut you down, and she's got Nixon in her corner. I heard the whole thing."

"That's crazy talk, mon," said Hermes. "We got the law protecting us."

"What do you mean?" said Fry vehemently. "You've got no lawyers! You've got nothing!"

"I'll be a lawyer, why not?" said Zoidberg. Nearby, in the lounge, Amy rested on the couch with a copy of Space Flight for Ditzes in her slender hands.

"Look at this," said Fry, waving his fingers at the fine print. "Since Nixon took office, the overall sales of the porn industry have more than tripled. All My Circuits introduced TV's first openly naked character. A hate crime bill protecting mimes was passed. The Robot Devil was granted a liquor license."

"Scruffy can't even drink liquor without a license," said Scruffy.

"Who are you?" Hermes asked him.

"The nation's morals have gone down the tube," Fry continued, "and I haven't even gotten to the people who went bankrupt, or were put in jail, or mysteriously disappeared. Like Richard Persimmons, the fitness guru, who promoted diet and exercise as the only way to lose weight. His competitor, Electropancreas Incorporated, contributed heavily to Nixon's campaign, and a within month after he was elected, Richard Persimmons lost his fortune, left the planet, and was never heard from again."

"Not good enough!" exclaimed Zoidberg. "Ban his videos!"

"Look, you fools," said Fry, slamming the pamphlet onto Hermes' desk. "Richard Nixon is the root of all evil. I can prove it. I have proved it. And he's after you. He's after all of us—our wives, our children, everyone! You're next! You're next!"

Scruffy, Hermes, and Zoidberg only stared blankly and sadly at him. With a sigh of exasperation, Fry turned and trudged away. "The poor man's crazier than a yellow snake that's been in the Jamaican sun too long," remarked Hermes.

"Again with the snake analogies," grumbled Zoidberg. Bender, in the meantime, idly snatched up the pamphlet and deposited it into his chest cavity.

Through a doorway poked the withered heard of Professor Farnsworth. "Is he gone?" asked the old scientist. "Good."

Hidden away in the custodial closet, two pairs of ears heard the professor's summons: "Leela! Evil Fry! You can come out of the closet now!"

Leela elbowed the mop handle aside, and pressed her lips fondly against Evil Fry's mouth. "We could stay a little longer," she suggested. "The smell of bleach and ammonia isn't that bad."

"You're everything I've hoped for, Mirror Leela," said Evil Fry wistfully. "I wish I could remain in your universe, and send your Fry back in my place. He'd get along swimmingly with the other Leela."

"Yes, I can imagine," said the purple-haired girl. "They repel everybody else, so they'd naturally attract each other."

They enjoyed one more tender kiss, and then Evil Fry pushed the door open and allowed the buzzing artificial light to stream in. He and Leela, hand in hand, followed the professor to the office where the others had assembled. "What did we miss? Leela asked them. "What did Good Fry have to tell us?"

"Not much," replied Bender. "Just that Nixon is evil."

"We all know that," said Leela flippantly.

"Yeah," Bender added, "but the difference is, he cares."

"Now there's another funny thing about your universe," commented Evil Fry. "Where I come from, we don't preserve the heads of presidents in jars. We allow them to die with their dignity intact, surrounded by their loved ones and a few select paparazzi."

"Yeah," said Leela affectionately, "but does your universe have this?"

She stood on the tips of her boots and gave Evil Fry a wet kiss on the cheek…

…at the same instant that Good Fry unexpectedly returned to the office. "Uh, I forgot my…erk…"

The redhead's eyes bulged. His teeth ground together. Anger and rage threatened to burst his heart. My evil duplicate…and the woman I love…

Startled, Leela yanked her lips away from her new lover's cheek. "Sweet zombie Jesus!" cried Farnsworth. "Good Fry and Evil Fry are in the same room!"

"They'll annihilate each other!" said Hermes in terror.

"They'll try," said Bender, as the furious Fry pushed up one of his sleeves.