She rolls the window down
And she
Talks over the sound
Of the cars that pass us by
I looked over at Rayvn as she rolled the window down in my Hummer 4 as we drove home from the airport. She'd handled the trip home so well, better than I'd expected. And she'd been strong enough to help me. I grinned bitterly at the irony. The strongest vampire my family has ever known and I need HER to help me be strong.
As the wind tugged at her long hair I wanted to reach out and run my hand through it. My own shock at the desire stayed my hand for only a single of her heartbeats. I reached out, not at all concerned as to how she'd react, and tucked some of her loose hair behind her ear, letting my fingers trail across her burning hot skin. She just smiled at me softly before turning back to the scenery.
And I don't know why
But she's changed my mind
The trip home… the trip to Forks (it was no longer home) had done me wonders. I'd realized, when I'd seen Rosaline, that while I loved her still the feelings had dimmed to the faintest glowing ember where once it had been a roaring wild fire. Something about living a life with only my Rayvn, my closest friend, had changed me. Rayvn had changed me.
Would you look at her
She looks at me
She's got me thinking about her constantly
I pulled the Hummer into the parking spot allocated to us and watched as she clumsily climbed from her seat. I knew better than to offer her help, but I watched for her possible fall. And then her foot caught as she stepped from the street to the curb, before she could face plant I had her safely in my arms.
She blushed but smiled up at me, where shed on snapped at anyone else. "Thanks Emm," she said softly, "You're always catching me."
I just laughed as I set her down, "That's because you're always tripping Rayv-baby."
She raised her eyebrow at my newest nickname for her but didn't argue. It was obviously preferred over RayRay, which I was simply saving for the opportune moments…
But she don't know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she's figured out
I'm crazy for this girl
I hoped she'd never realize how much I depended on her, how much I needed her. Aside from the obvious help she provided with clothing and housework- which I am terrible at by the way, absolutely terrible. But also her companionship. She was always up for anything, always up for a game or a party. And she always helped me keep my blood lust in check. Without her I'd of broken and gone back to Rose, without her I'd be crazy. She was my world, my best friend, and I loved every moment of it. Sad as that sounds.
She was the one to hold me
The night
The sky fell down
Like the night she broke me out of my numb (she called it a catatonic) state.
Her hot tears fell on my chest, through my shirt, and the blazing heat of them began to thaw the ice I'd wrapped my heart in. Slowly but surely I began to feel, feel my pain, feel my family's fear, their love… My personal oven curled in my lap and cried with me, cried the tears I could not for the loss we both felt.
And then we ran, together we ran and cried and ran more. Rayvn stood strong, she decided to leave, and she said we could do it. I wasn't so sure, but I agreed. And I loved the smile- even as sad as it had been- that she'd given me.
And what was I thinking when
The world didn't end
Why didn't I know what I know now
I stripped and stepped under the shower, the hot, hot water burning against my cold body. What I wouldn't have given to know two years ago what I now knew. I'd of left Rose sooner, I'd of protected Rayvn better from Edward. I'd of been happier with my Rayvn for longer. I'd of done anything to feel then what I did now, because hind sight was a bitch. And I'd never been as happy then as I was right now, sharing a modest and simple life with Rayvn.
Would you look at her
She looks at me
She's got me thinking about her constantly
And she was always there, even if not physically, she was there in my head. I was always thinking of her, or what we could do next, how we could go have fun. If she'd like my newest game design- that's what I did, design video games- or if she'd like help with her newest client. If she was alright, walking around that gigantic campus alone. If she'd be alright, braving those crazy streets.
Often I spent my days worrying over her safety. I'd never tell her no, but still I worried. She was so fragile, so small… and so IMPORTANT. She might mean so little to the world but she WAS my world…
But she don't know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she's figured out
I'm crazy for this girl
My stomach clenched. She was my world… Rayvn was my entire WORLD… I slumped against the wall of the shower, my shoulders and back leaving a dent I the tiles. Good lord why hadn't I noticed it… Why hadn't Jasper or Alice… Because they knew… I felt ill, something I hadn't felt since Rosaline. God what if Rayvn KNEW. Or worse… what if she didn't know yet but found out…
Right now
Face to face
All my fears
Pushed aside
And right now
I'm ready to spend the rest of my life
With you
I closed my eyes to block out the terrible possibilities- my Rayvn laughing at me, my Rayvn with another man to spite me, with another man because she had no idea… I could see the gravestone she'd have in fifty years… And then my mind supplied a different image, one that filled me with longing.
My Rayvn in a white dress, smiling at me as she walked toward me on Charlie's arm… My Rayvn as a vampire, the same but slightly different, beside me for eternity…
How I WANTED those things… How I wanted her to want those things too…
Would you look at her
She looks at me
She's got me thinking about her constantly
But she don't know how I feel
She couldn't know, I decided. She'd be too awkward, she can't hide anything from me. She doesn't even try, and she never lies. I was so lost in my own head I didn't hear her… didn't notice her leaning on the bathroom doorframe.
"Hey Emm," I jumped and she laughed slightly, "Jumpy much babe?" I bared my teeth at her and she giggled, "Do you want to go out? We can try to find some cute somebody's to help us stick it to Eddy and Rose."
My heart both sagged in relief and in hurt. She didn't know, she'd never be so cruel intentionally… But she wanted someone else… The thought put my hackles up, made me want to snarl…
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she's figured out
I'm crazy for this girl
I looked at her, clothed in nothing but a pale green silk robe with panda's sewn on it, a Christmas gift from me last year… Her hair was wet and so was her skin… The silk clung to her. I closed my eyes.
"Sure Rayv-babe, let me finish showering and we'll go have some fun." I tried to keep my voice level, tried to hide my fear and hurt and hope.
Would you look at her
She looks at me
She's got me thinking about her constantly
But she don't know how I feel
She just smiled at me. "Great, I'll go get sexy." She turned and began to walk out, saying over her shoulder with a playful look, "Hurry up now, or I'll come in there and get ya." I bit my lip to keep from responding. Oh GODS that girl would be the death of me.
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she's figured out
I'm crazy for this girl
I washed and stepped from the shower, hearing her blow dryer going in the other bathroom. Knowing I had easily twenty minutes I dressed slowly, taking care to choose clothes I knew she liked on me, then dropped myself onto the couch to game for a bit.
When she walked out of her room I looked up and felt my jaw drop. "When did you buy THAT?!" I asked in a strangled voice, my eyes probably as wide as dinner plates.
"Alice gave it to me. Said to wear it next time we went clubbing." As I looked over Rayvn- dressed in the emerald green corset embroidered with black and gold dragons, tight leather pants, black heels and black leather wrist cuffs- I wasn't sure if I wanted to kill or kiss my littlest, clothing-crazed sister.
I bit my lip as Rayvn walked out of the apartment ahead of me and hoped to find myself a distraction in the club… or I'd never be able to stop myself from telling Rayvn how I really felt. Telling her that I loved her…
~ "Crazy For This Girl" Evan & Jaron