The Jones Boys

After his mother had retreated to her own room, Mutt kissed Laurel quickly and gave her a wink, "Look at it this way, doll… at least my mom's gonna stop focusing on being a human shield between us and start focusing on how to best annoy your grandmother. And believe me, Marion can annoy with the best of them, she's got nagging down to an art, and your grandma better have her game face on."

"Mutt, I think Grandmother only has one face, and it is her game face."Laurel shrugged, "It'll make for an interesting dinner conversation."

"Assuming conversation occurs… My mom might just challenge dear ol'grannie to a whiskey run off and then we're all in trouble."

"A whiskey run-off?"Laurel rolled her eyes, thinking it was a joke, "Yeah, that'll happen."

"My mom would win…. She used to own a bar in some shady country I don't remember. She used to challenge the patrons to run-offs. Whoever lost had to buy the whole night. My mom's best night was 31 shots."

The statement had the desired effect and Laurel snorted in laughter, "Does she still have a liver?"

"You think something as trivial as a liver is gonna slow my mom down?"Mutt laughed and gave Laurel a quick kiss, "We'd better change for dinner… you think I could go topless?"

"Don't make me watch her kill you… I like you, it would be tough for me to bury the body and hide the evidence, it would create a rift between me and my grandmother that I would be forced to blame her for until I died."Laurel smiled, "There's actually probably some clothes in the closet of your room. Why don't you check it out. I warn you, you'll have to make-do with the fit, my dad was the only man who kept clothes here…"

Mutt hadn't seen any pictures of Laurel's father, but the way she trailed off at the end of the sentence made him feel like he'd be less than amused by the clothing selection available to him. When he opened the closet he saw clothes he didn't think he would've properly fit into even when he was six inches shorter and twenty pounds lighter. When he tried on the shirt it fit him like an over-starched second skin. The buttons closed…but it was a fight. The pants felt painted on, he felt exposed. And as far as exposure went, his ankles were going to freeze thanks to the hem that brought the pants up to damn near his calf. At least he had motorcycle boots as his only available footwear, or he'd really be in a sorry state. He carefully combed his hair, he felt it was his only saving grace.

A knock came to his door and Marion opened it, and choked on a laugh.

"Ha!"She covered her mouth, "Sorry, sweetheart… well, take solace in the fact that Indy looks worse then you."

Mutt's eyes lit up, he'd forgotten Indy would be subjected to the same clothes. When Mutt walked into the hallway, his father was there with pants that only reached to just past his knee, and a shirt that had already popped one button. Indy had his own hiking boots on, but you could still see the exposed skin between the pants and the shoes. Apparently, Laurel's father hadn't been remotely the same size as the Jones boys, and now they had to deal with how awkward that was going to make dinner.

Marion had better luck, apparently Laurel's mother was the same height if not the same girth as Mutt's mother; the dress was the appropriate length, but was so tight that her bosoms were all but spilling out of the top. Mutt tried not to notice, but Indy could hardly keep his eyes to himself. When Laurel walked out of her room into the family scene in the hallway, she had to support herself against the doorframe to control her laughter.

"Yeah yeah yeah, princess. It's hysterical that the clothes don't fit."Mutt combed his hair again, patting it gently to assure that the style hadn't changed in the last ten minutes.

"It is, actually… I'm sorry….no…no I'm not…."Her eyes were tearing, "Whew! Oh god…My grandmother is not going to be amused."

"That'll make two of us."Indy scowled.

Marion gave Indy a sharp pat on the arm and held out her arm, "Escort me to dinner, before the seams burst."

There were snippets of Marion egging on Indy that made Mutt and Laurel both laugh, "What Jones, did you put a few pounds in the last couple years?"

"Like you didn't?"

"At least my weight went primarily to my boobs, don't tell me you think that's a bad thing. I'd know you were lying."

"What about your secret lust for a man with a spare tire, Marion?"

"Jones, the only time I like a man with a spare tire is when I have a flat tire."

Mutt finally broke up the playful harassment, "Whatever happened to not demeaning each other in front of me? I'm a young, emotionally impressionable kid. Fragile. You two fight and I may never be secure enough to leave the nest."

"Yeah, girls love a big, strong man who still has his mom doing his laundry and cleaning his room for him. I'm sure you beat them off with a stick."Laurel quipped and Indy and Marion stopped, turned to look at her, and broke out into big smiles.

"Oh you found a good one."Indy nodded.

"He found one better than good. He found one who should be the best if not for her infernal desire to degrade herself into the worst."

Everyone knew whose voice that was.

"Oh Lord!"She exclaimed, "You didn't even bring suitable dinner clothes with you, you had to borrow them? Well it serves you right that you look so ridiculous then. One should always be prepared for any eventuality."

"We were more concerned with the eventuality of being shot, Grandmother."Laurel defended her friends.

"It would almost be better to be shot than seen dressed like that." Grandmother Weston raised her noise and turned to walk into the dining room.

"I actually agree."Indy said, "Being shot, its really blown out of proportion. Its not so bad."

"Worse than a scorpion bite?"Mutt asked.

"Worse than your scorpion bite, but you really didn't have a bad scorpion bite."

"Scorpion bite?!"Marion and Laurel chimed in together, giving both of them wild looks. Marion gave Indy and Mutt each a death stare, "What scorpion bite?"

"Just a little tiny scorpion bite."Mutt tried to shrug off his mother, but Marion had been around her fair share of scorpions and her eyes grew wide, "You were bit by a little scorpion?! Indy! Why didn't you tell me this? Was this in Peru? Indy! He could have died!"

"Marion calm down!"Indy put up his hands as though surrendering, "What your ever-eloquent son meant to say is that a big big scorpion gave him a tiny bite….in Peru. While we were raiding a grave looking for Franci-"

"Grave Robbing?"Grandmother Weston perked up, "Good gracious, Laurel, actual thieves? I didn't realize you sunk so low."

"I'm not technically a grave robber. I'm a tenured professor of archaeology who spends a lot of time in the field and –"

"Robs graves." Grandmother snipped at him, "There's no two ways of saying it."

"Sometimes if you don't get permission its called grave robbing, but robbers sell things. I give them to museums."

"Who in turn pay you."

Indy sucked in a deep breath and tried to tell himself it was useless to argue, she had already heard what she wanted to hear and he wasn't going to change it by elaborating, but he couldn't resist trying, "No. I don't get paid for it."

"Then you spend a lot of money traipsing around the world, raiding graves and giving all the proceeds to charity? How stupid. How on earth do you support yourself or your family?"

Dinner was set before them. It began with a warm soup that tasted so good, Mutt felt he was obliged to finish it. He could tell his father was making the same compromise, really good food for abuse. Who knew when they would get a really solid meal after the adventure got underway?

"I am a tenured professor." Indy grit his teeth and Marion rubbed his arm, seemingly casually throwing in, "And I run a small bar."

Grandmother held her hand over her face, "She works. Of course she works. And so does the boy, I suspect."

"Yes mám, one of the best mechanics in the county."

As though she felt physically pained by the revelation, Grandmother Weston took a deep breath as though she was centering herself, "And you aspire to this, Laurel?"

"Yes mám, I'd like to find a nice job. Maybe I'd take some of my money and open a business. I like motorcycles, I was thinking of repairing and selling them."

"I would sooner burn the money than have you get your fingernails dirty doing manual labor or management, what would your grandfather say? Its inappropriate for a woman… did all the generations of Weston's who earned this fortune really do all that work for you to open some petty shop? You should've married Edward Dillanger when you were seventeen. You'd already be a mother by now, and all this silly school-talk and these bad influenences would be behind you."

Mutt looked at Laurel, "Who's Edward Dillanger?"

"A skeez from two towns over."She rolled her eyes.

"He's a charming boy with a good pedigree about three years older than Laurel who proposed when she was seventeen."

"After one date that you made me go on!" Laurel shrieked, "I've known Mutt longer, and I haven't even---"

"STOP right there!"Grandmother Weston rubbed her forehead as if warding off a headache, "I'd rather not know what illicit things you haven't done yet."

Laurel blushed a deep red and Mutt fumed, "Hey, don't get down on her like that. She's a good girl, she ain't done anything to make anyone ashamed of her."

"Really?"Grandmother Weston seemed entirely unmoved by his defense of Laurel.

Soup was taken away and Mutt was going to walk away from the table, but the roast beef that was placed before him smelled so good that his mouth watered before he could stop it. His stomach rumbled, reminding him how hungry he was… damn. Betrayed by his own physical needs. Stupid body.

Mutt and Indy dug into their food like wild animals, hoping that the bad manners an effective passive aggressive way of flipping off Granny Weston. It seemed to be working, she looked at them with the same disgust usually reserved for animals that lived happily in their own filth and ate garbage. Marion could see that Grandmother Weston was also ill at ease with the cleavage exposed by the dress and propped her arms up to make it seem even bigger. Laurel couldn't bring herself to even irk her grandmother, she picked absently at her food and sighed. Mutt thought she was sad, but then he saw a small smile forming on her lips. Mutt nudged her, he was unwilling to vocalize because he knew Grandmother Weston would hear and inevitably comment. He tried to make it obvious on his face that he was concerned, curious, about what was going on in her head.

She smiled outright, and whispered, "Dinner hasn't been this vibrant since before mom and dad died. It's refreshing."

Under the table Mutt grabbed her hand and squeezed it. She squeezed back.

For a moment, there was peace in the room.

Then…

"Boy, BOY! Hands!"

Mutt slammed his hands both flat on the table and sighed. Laurel giggled and squeezed Mutt's knee.

"Hey, girl! Hands!"Marion snapped and Laurel placed her hands on the table, fingers splayed, just like Mutt's. Indy let out a dark chuckle, and squeezed Marion's knee, "Easy, you."

"Hands, Dr. Jones!" Grandmother Weston snarled.

"You've got to be kidding me."Indy rolled his eyes and slowly put his hands on the table.

"Yeah, Daddio, hands."Mutt shook his head, "And you wonder where I get it from."

"Trust me, Mutt, no one wonders where you got it from." Marion smiled fondly, her eyes trained on Laurel's hands. After all, she had NO idea where Laurel got it from, so it was best to just keep an eye out.

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A/N- so I bought Indiana jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull…. So there will be updates. I already have a refined version of a similar story to this in my head. How does this sound: Mutt's high school sweetheart has access to something that the KGB want to use to blackmail the Catholic Church into funding their army with: The Gospel of Judas; the original Gospel of Judas. But can Lauren Sorenson forgive him for leaving her not all that long ago?

I dunno… Let's finish this one first, eh?

Its my birthday in exactly ten minutes, on the 7th… so yay! 21… and I'm celebrating by writing : o )