Yay, another chapter so soon! I'm doing a bit better, and wanted to try and start the whole idea of white versus colors now, because it will be a recurring theme! tsubiichuu on AO3 reviewed with some really kind words about my own struggles, so thank you so much for that, it really made my day. Also on AO3, Blackbird_y guessed it right, some really nice chapters before hell breaks loose, but... I'm not telling you when it goes to hell! Mwahahah. She/he/zir/whatever pronoun I forgot also asked how I picture Laufey as a human, which I completely blanked out on including, so guess who gets to find a way to write in his description! Sorry if anyone else was wondering what he looks like, I really completely forgot about him.
Loki paused, peering up at him and squirming a bit as he shook his head. "No, what's… draw?" he asked, swallowing the rest of the food in his mouth before inexpertly scooping up more, watching him curiously. He wondered what draw was, but he trusted Tony enough to try it, even without knowing what it was. It wasn't hurt, so it was okay.
Tony grinned, getting up and heading to a little box he'd brought in, opening it and pulling out a blank book and the color pencils he'd bought, bringing them over. "This is your very own book," he murmured softly, opening it to show the white pages. "See all this white? You can cover it with your very own colors," he said, holding out all the pencils. "Each one's a different color, and you can draw anything. See?" he said, picking up a green one and drawing a leaf. "This is a leaf. From the trees outside."
Loki looked at the white book warily, frowning when there was no color or pretty pictures. But when Tony showed him all the pencils, he was in awe. All the colors he'd come to love were right there, and when Tony began to show how when he dragged the stick across the white, color came out, Loki squealed. Eagerly, he grabbed a different green and began to draw in leaves all over the page, different shapes and sizes, all of them veined realistically and frighteningly accurate. Laufey watched him in shock as Loki eagerly drew until the whole page was colored with layered leaves, all in varying degrees of green.
Tony watched curiously as Loki began to draw, but slowly, his curiosity turned to shock. The kid was a natural. He was already talented to the point that… well, it looked like a fucking picture. "Wow, Lokes," he breathed, looking at the details. "You're amazing!"
Loki grinned, looking up at Tony, who'd moved to look over his shoulder. "It's what you wanted?" he asked. Laufey chuckled, shaking his head. "You can draw whatever you want, Loki," he said. Loki perked up at that, turning to the next page and happily beginning to outline Laufey's face. He liked Laufey, and he liked Tony, so he'd draw them. He'd make it all pretty and colorful, and try to use as much Laufey and Tony color as possible.
Eventually, Tony moved away to clean up the abandoned food, making Loki some more hot chocolate and leaving it for him as Loki eagerly drew something else. He wanted to wait to see the product this time, and found it a rather fun thing, to guess what Loki could be drawing. He sat across from him at the table, watching the boy's face as he drew. It was a fascinating mixture of concentration and happiness, his eyes sparkling with absolute joy as white became color on the pages. Tony began to wonder as he watched, what it was with the white that Loki hated and the devil loved. "Loki?" he asked quietly. "What is white to you? Why don't you like it?"
Loki looked up at him in surprise, having forgotten they were there, and looked at his page. "The… other doctors said I was bad…. that my head wasn' right, like it was empty. Someone said I'd never leave here, 'cause I'm just like the walls. I'm white," he said, shrugging.
Tony frowned, thinking. "You're white, like the walls? Because you're… insane? Did he say that word?"
"Yeah, that one! He said that I was that word, an' that my head was wrong…"
So that was it then. White was insanity. What was it that the devil had said? Curious and frowning, Tony got up and paced in the room, thinking. Not all who wander are lost… and then something about white. White… white… erased! Not all who wander are lost, and not all who are erased are white. Not all who are erased are insane? Was the devil Loki trying to say he wasn't insane? "Loki, another question. What's erased mean to you?" he asked.
Loki peeked up at him from under his long hair for a moment before going back to drawing, looking a bit more sullen. "Erased is… not being real. I'm not real, so I'm erased." Laufey, who had gone to fetch some food for Loki, since he hadn't eaten enough, came back in and frowned at what he was hearing. "Erased? Is that what you want to know, Tony?"
"Yeah, something the other guy said, I just think… there's something else. I just… want to know, you know?" Tony felt stupid, not being able to figure it out. But when Laufey handed Loki soup, telling him he could finish drawing when he drank it all, and lead Tony outside, he hoped he wasn't in trouble.
Laufey brought him into the hall, making sure the door was closed and locked before turning to him. "Erased… to him, it means that he doesn't exist anymore. Nobody outside knows about him. No one cares who he is, nor is there any paperwork on him now. He was left for dead years ago, but it goes deeper than that. No one really cares about insane patients. I've seen it for years. Families drop off their own blood and leave them for dead. That's what erased is to him. And to me. We're all erased here, except for you."
Tony listened, feeling a bit of guilt twist in his stomach. That had happened to his mother. She had to go in for a few months, and his father never talked about her. It was like she stopped existing. Tony had almost forgotten about her by the time she came back. Though he was just a kid, it still hit home. "Right. Erased. The devil guy told me, 'Not all who wander are lost, and not all who are erased are white.' I think he's saying that Loki was wrongfully brought here?" Tony said, rubbing his forehead as he thought it through. It made sense, he supposed. Erased, getting stuck in the asylum, and white, insane. He wasn't insane, then? That only left the impossible, that it really was the devil. Could it be? Or did he mean /Loki/ wasn't insane? Tony sighed and shook his head, looking up at Laufey.
Laufey thought it through, and immediately understood, but didn't say anything, sure that the devil would punish him if he said anything. Quietly, he returned to Loki, letting Tony trail behind.
Loki sat happily at the table, grinning at the two and showing them his next masterpiece. Laufey was there, with blue and green behind him, but he was different. He was less tired, less pale. He looked healthy and happy, and had big colorful wings behind him. "Laufey's my angel!" Loki declared.
Laufey laughed, taking in the sight with wide eyes and grinning. "Thank you, Loki," he said softly, hugging him close. Tony curiously looked over the picture, looking back up at Laufey. "Could be a picture. If you weren't so tired looking, I mean," he said, wondering how Loki, a young man with the mind of a child, was able to capture things so precisely on paper. "Of course, because Loki is a fantastic little boy," the nurse soothed, chuckling quietly.
Loki immediately cuddled into his nurse's hold, smiling a bit and holding out his soup bowl. "Can I have more, now?" he asked, smiling up at him and Tony. He liked drawing, but it was tiring, and now he was hungry again.
Tony nodded, hurriedly going to refill the soup for him and coming back to take a second look at the Laufey angel. It was rather good, and he found he liked it. "Think you could draw one of me tomorrow?" he asked Loki, sitting at his place again as he looked at the paper. Loki could be a real artist, and even get paid for most of this…
Loki giggled, nodding as he took the soup and began to eat. "Yeah! I'll draw Tony, too! An' I'll draw Laufey an' Tony together! I like draw!" he said, grinning up at him. He found it relaxing, and helpful. His head didn't hurt as much when he drew. He wasn't scared while he was changing white to color. He spent the evening doodling quietly and cuddling against Laufey until he fell asleep. Tony watched his doodles becoming more and more abstract, and was prepared for when Loki did fall asleep. He hurriedly helped Laufey take him to bed, wrapping him up in the blankets again and brushing the kid's hair back gently, smiling as he went about cleaning up again. An amazingly good day today, he noted. Maybe tomorrow they could try walking.