Title: A Criminal Mind
Chapter 10 - Discoveries of a Sinister Kind
I look at the street person who touched my arm and offer a quick gasp and he pulls back. My fist automatically tightens but when I see he's not out to do me harm, I quickly pull back and my arm lowers.
"Spare change?" He asks through a toothless grin.
"Here," I offer whatever I have in my pocket before dashing back down another alleyway, my captor's voice still calling me in the distance; angry curses always reminding me that danger is still very close at hand. I run until I can't run any more; the pain from his hits to my ribs is starting to take it's toll but I am thankful that he didn't damage the injury to my head as my brain is in pain enough as it is. I duck inside a small grocery store, close and lock the back door and crouch down, pulling my knees to my chest and trying to get my breathing back to normal, my head to stop pounding and my heart rate to slow to a normal level before I pass out.
The warmth from the small store is actually making me stop trembling and I'm hoping I won't be discovered too soon and sent back into the cold street to fend for myself, unarmed. My whole body aches but my brain races with terrible images of me as a prisoner and I know I'd rather die than experience that again.
Stella, where are you?
I hear some shuffling and look up with nervous expectation.
"Mac?" A voice asks.
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"Flack, where is he?" I demand, but not really expecting an answer.
"He can't have gone far Stella," Flack replies in haste, his face nervous and tense.
"Unless he was taken again," Jessica ponders and my heart races in terror.
"If that has happened we'll never see him again!" I snap and then quickly calm. "Sorry."
"It's okay," Jessica answers.
"Stella, the rest of the team is on their way over and so is Sully," Flack explains. "But you should go back to Mac's and wait in case there is a chance that he managed to get away from this guy and find his way back home. The officers are there but he'll feel more at ease if he sees your face."
"But..." I start in protest.
"Stella. If he's there, he'll need you. We got this covered. Trust me."
I look at the concerned expression on Flack's face and feel mine finally soften; knowing he's right. "No matter how painful you might think it is will you call me?"
"First one," he agrees as I go to take my leave.
Oh Mac, where are you? Please tell me I haven't lost you!
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"Detective Mac Taylor right?" He asks again and I slowly nod in agreement.
"Do you know me?" I ask the young man before me as I slowly push myself upright, my legs still a bit shaky.
"Yeah, I'm Jamie. There was a case of mistaken identity a few months back and even though the DA wanted to fry my ass, you pushed for the right evidence and gave me a second chance. I took that and cleaned up my life," he informs me with a kind smile. "I never got to thank you then but I'll thank you now."
"You're welcome."
"Are you okay? You look in pretty bad shape," he frowns, looking at my face and my dirty clothes from the fight. "What happened?"
"I was in a car accident but..."
"Must have been a bad one."
"Head on, but I need help right now," I offer in a meek tone.
"Just ask."
"This is sort of embarrassing for me to admit, but I seem to have lost my way and..."
"Where do you need to go?"
"Home. I don't remember where that is. In the accident I hit my head and it affected my memory. Can you help me?"
"Of course, hold on a sec. Just wait right here," he tells me. And without asking for an explanation he hurries away, leaving me to just wonder where he is going and how that's going to help me. My eyes dart around to every sound, my mind on edge, wondering if at any moment my cruel captor will return and I'll be dead for sure. However, a few minutes later Jamie comes back with a piece of paper and a smile and Colin is no where to be seen.
"Just a few blocks down, I'll walk with you," he offers.
"You don't have to," I tell him in haste.
"I don't mind, really. You look like you could use some extra help."
"There is someone out there looking for me," I mention as we head for the backdoor; I stop the young man's arm and force him to look at my worried expression. "And he's got a gun."
"I know the streets. Grew up on em'," he replies. "You'll be okay. Trust me I won't let him get us."
I offer a firm nod and a kind smile before I pull the door open and we head back outside; my heart racing once again.
On way back to my apartment my eyes are nervously darting around for Colin but my ears are listening to the kid's story and I actually feel myself start to relax in his company. His story is sad but when he talks about what I did for him, I feel a sense of pride and accomplishment inside and I am now hoping that I'll remember everything about my past and hope I never see Colin again; his lies made me want to give up on life, but Stella, the others I work with and this young man have shown me in a few short hours that my life is full of things that I want to remember and get back to.
"Well we're here," he tells me as we stop right out front.
"Thanks, I'll be okay from here. Jamie," I call as he stops and turns around. "I really do appreciate the help."
"You're welcome," he replies with a broad smile and then I turn and quickly head inside; spying Stella sitting by the front door, waiting for me. When I push my way through the main entrance after another person, she rushes up to me and pulls me into her arms, holding me close and not letting go.
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"Oh I thought I lost you for good this time," I whisper into Mac's ear as I swallow back my sorrow and guilt and anger; replacing those feelings with relief. "But I want you to just stand where you are," I direct as I call Danny to come and process Mac for anything his would be kidnapper might have left behind in the way of DNA. Silence starts to build as each of us just stares at the other with looks of guilt and concern; remorse and anger.
"Stella, I'm sorry," he whispers.
"Just worried me, you know?"
"He wasn't wearing any gloves," Mac informs me with a heavy sigh.
I look at his condition and offer a frown of concern. "Did he hurt you?"
"A few punches here and there but I gave as good as I got," he tells me firmly. "Thankfully no hits to the head. A kid down the street helped me back here."
"Good to have friends in low places. What on earth possessed you to just wander away on your own?" I ask in exasperation. "I mean what the hell..."
"Look I'm just as pissed as you!"
"Damn it Mac! He could have killed you. Why did you do it? To get back at me?"
"No, I just wanted to see if I could get home on my own. And don't use the damn cuffs, I learned my lesson," he tells me and I can't help but smile at his look of nervous agitation.
"Too bad, kinda liked you trapped like that," I tease and he looks up in surprise.
"Oh I'll bet," he frowns as Danny finally appears.
"Big Mac," he smiles as he slowly walks up to us.
Mac just stands still as Danny starts to process his clothes and whatever else Mac can remember Colin touching. He then processes me to ensure anything that transferred from Mac will be taken and examined.
"He obviously has many disguises," I ponder. "Why he's able to just blend in around here, making sure we don't know who he is, but revealing himself to Mac when he feels the need," I tell Flack who has finally joined us.
"Mac, you okay?" Flack asks and Mac offers a nod.
"Do we know his identity yet?" Mac asks us.
"We were able to confirm that a hair we found this morning, matches the DNA we found from the scene where we found your truck after the accident. But unfortunately he's still not in the system," I answer Mac as Danny finishes up. "Tomorrow you'll look at some books that Flack has and hopefully we can put a face to the name and get this guy before he tries again."
Danny and Flack finally finish up and then take their leave, allowing us to slowly head upstairs to Mac's apartment.
"Sorry for worrying you today."
"Why did you do it? Just to go back home? Is that the truth or did you need to be away from me?"
"No Stella, I just needed to do something on my own, to see if I could. And I guess I was wrong."
"Mac, you weren't wrong, Colin's vendetta against you is obviously very strong."
"I hate feeling this lost," Mac states in a half whisper, his fists clenched in anger.
"Mac, you made progress today," I remind him, turning to face him with a kind smile. I gently brush some dirt of his handsome face before offering a small kiss on his warm lips. "But you scared me also. Damn it!" I lightly curse and he offers a sheepish frown. "Your voice over the phone...don't do that to me again, okay?"
"Sorry," he mumbles as we head into his apartment, locking the door.
"You need to take a shower as you smell trash and sidewalk and I'll make us something to eat," I tell him.
"But I never have food in the fridge, you know that," he states, looking at me with a small smile. "And why do I remember that?"
"Are you sure you're not just playing us all?" I inquire with an arched brow.
"Trust me, I if I was playing you, I think you'd have kicked my ass long ago, or thrown me out the window," he replies and I just nod in agreement.
"You got that right."
"You know when he pulled the gun today, I..."
"What? Mac you didn't tell me that...what happened exactly?" I ask in frustration.
"I was just outside my apartment when he came up and showed me a hidden gun and said if I didn't come with him, he'd shoot me. But I told myself that you would be mad if I just went willingly; that and the fact that I doubt I'd ever do that and so I just ran and then you called and well here we are."
"I see. And that's it? Anything further?"
"No, why?"
"Mac..."
"I'm going for a shower," he simply states, turning on his heel and heading for the bedroom to change. "Everything is fine."
I just shake my head and smile. "Sounds like my old Mac," I mumble to myself before heading into the kitchen to order take out.
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~Colin Morris~
Taylor's defiant attitude is really starting to become bothersome, I start into my mental tirade. I am no longer parked in front of his apartment in case anyone remembers my trucking coming back twice in the same day. There is now an officer right out front, and unlike the other two who have left, I'm assuming they are to watch him twenty-four, seven.
"Damn his insolence!" I curse in anger as I hit the steering wheel. My fight with him today has, I'm sure, left behind my DNA which means in a matter of days if not less, I could be the next most wanted man by the NYPD, if I'm not already.
My once brilliant plan to destroy the life of the man who destroyed mine is rapidly slipping from my evil grasp; making my anger toward him fester even further. I had planned, that if he was caught, to pass myself off as a doctor to help with his treatment, but once again I curse Bonasera's name in foiling that avenue from me and taking Taylor to a doctor that actually wants to help him.
I have my other transport vehicle planned and know that if he does recover his memory to the point where he remembers me by my first name, I'll have it ready and it'll be his undoing. That and the fact that his partner won't be able to help him when that time comes.
Sorry my dear Stella, but you won't be able to mess this up for me again.
I head back toward my home, my mind offering glimpses once again of the trial for my life that my brain has forced me to relive over every minute of every day; an event that changed my life and set me on a collision course with my destructive destiny. I offer a cry of anger as I remember reading a document in the psychiatric jail that stated that my medical license had been revoked in the country of the United States; never fit to practice the one true profession that I have loved since a child. My mind then switches to my first of many violent outbursts where I was subjected to various mental probes and treatments, treatments that people shouldn't have to experience.
The death of my own child caused me to seek other ways to console my grief; looking back maybe live test subjects was the wrong path to tread but I don't really regret what I did. And while I learned how to become a sympathetic victim to a parole board, my hatred for Mac Taylor never subsided and has turned me into what they thought I was all along, a killer without a conscience. The past few years of my incarceration only served as fuel for my bitter vendetta.
"I will have my retribution!"
I reach home in a cloud of gloom and despair; my heart racing and my brain in anguish as I pull into the secret underground parking area that I created to hide the van that I will use to take Taylor once more; one final act of revenge and my mind will be at peace.
"Once he's dead..."
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I allow myself to linger under the hot water longer than necessary, trying to calm my nerves and completely wash away anything Colin touched; trying to get my limbs to stop shaking. And while I might have downplayed my anxiety to Stella with regards to the attack, his threats are still fresh in my tired brain and I'm still on edge; wondering where he is right now. Is he watching me still?
I finally finish up and dry off, putting on clean clothes and then looking at my face and head in concern. The marks on my face are thankfully subsiding but I'm still worried about the bump on my head. Sheldon Hawkes, who said he was a practicing doctor at one time, said my progress was good and that things looked better than he expected. Today I remembered things, it was small but they all made sense and that gives me hope; more hope than I have had in the days prior. Part of me is hopeful, but the other part wonders if he's just saying that for my own benefit; afraid to tell me the whole truth.
Stella is still moving around the kitchen when I finally emerge from the bathroom, head into the bedroom, dump my clothes in the basket and go in search of her.
"Welcome back to the land of the living," she smiles at me and I can't help but smile back. And despite the fact that I am tired from the day's events, when her arms wrap around me and hold me close, I can't help but bring her lips to mine and offer a warm kiss. However, when she starts to respond with hungry kisses of her own, my arms around her just automatically tighten and my lips move from her mouth to her warm face and then neck.
"Mmm you smell good," she whispers in my ear, playing with my damp hair and warm neck, her fingertips sending small electrical shocks to my feet and making my mouth automatically smile. I gently move her over to the couch and lower us down, her beneath me, but my lips still hungrily devouring hers. I feel her hands starting to pull at my t-shirt and in a matter of minutes my chest is bare and she's planting soft kisses on it, mindful of my tender ribs, which right now aren't wrapped.
I am about to remove her top when there is a knock at the door and we quickly pull apart; like two teenagers caught by their father in the middle of doing something they know they shouldn't. I look at her with a frown, my face flushed and my heart racing.
"Mac, it's okay," she tells me warmly. "Just dinner. We'll continue later."
"Okay," I reply as I quickly redress myself and hurry after her to help. Stella pays for the food and then I help her set it out and we sit down to eat. I start to feel a bit nervous for making such a bold move before but she starts to talk about the day and my awkwardness rapidly declines. In fact half way through our meal, my mind is racing in anticipation of another make-out session; having enjoyed the first one so much; having just a taste and being denied further would be just cruel.
"We'll find him Mac," she assures me; taking my hand and offering a squeeze. After dinner I help Stella clean up and then we head over to the couch and I ask a few more questions, begging my memory to come back so I can remember what I was trying to build with Stella. I have known her for ten years and I am assuming I was married for part of that as if I wasn't I'm sure I would have made a move to taking things further a lot sooner. If not, why not? What was I afraid of?
"You know I was very tempted to invent an amazing love story for us," she starts in a soft tone. I quickly glance up and she's smiling and so I know she's just teasing.
"You could have. Why didn't you?"
"Because when you get your memory back you might try to blackmail me with that or something," she laughs. "It's hard to be this close to you and not have you remember me," she explains and I hear sorrow in her voice and notice her eyes instantly water.
"Stella, I'm sorry," I frown. "I didn't mean..." I start and she quickly silences me with a soft kiss.
"It's not you," she whispers, gently caressing the side of my face with her hand. I place my hand over hers, trapping it against my flush skin and close my eyes and she kisses me again. "You have done nothing wrong."
"Then why do I feel like I have? I want to remember us Stella, why didn't we connect sooner? What was I afraid of?"
She looks at the anguish in my eyes and frowns. "Mac, only you know that, but it might be a good discussion to have with yourself when your memory is back to where it should be."
"If I live alone, why would I want to remember that?" I ask in misery.
"Mac, you might live alone, but with me in your life you'll never be alone."
"I know that right now...I mean with my memory...with us..." my voice trails off as she places one hand on the back of my head and pulls my face closer, the warmth of her making me lightheaded once again. And while I might not have made any moves in the past, that changes now; life I have realized is too precious to waste and I want to make love to her more than anything else at this very moment.
I put one hand on the back of her head, my sweaty fingers finally getting tangled in a mass of curls as I hold her lips captive against mine, hungrily devouring them with all I have left inside; and despite the fact that my body and mind are tired, when her hands pull my t-shirt off once again and delicate fingers start to tease my bare flesh, I know I'll push through a heart attack if it means even one night of this amazing woman in my arms.
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"Some things you never forget," Mac whispers in my ear before he kisses the sensitive flesh, making my skin sizzle and slightly shiver. But when he suddenly pulls away, I look up at him in shock. Without caring about his own ribs, he quickly scoops me up in his arms and carries me to the bedroom.
"Mac, your ribs," I whisper as he gently places me on the soft mattress and offers a loving smile.
"Are never too sore to hold you," he mentions before it's my turn to be silenced by his strong lips crushing mine once more. His warm hands roughly pull at my top before finally freeing it from my arms and he gazes longingly down at my naked chest.
"Love skin," he murmurs before planting warm kisses on my neck; my body instantly arching into his body; his body responding in kind. His warm hands wrap around my body and hold me close as he offers soft moans into my ears, his warm breath making my heart beat faster; my desire for him nearing climax.
"I need you now," he offers, almost out of breath, his heart rate matching mine. His lips once again lock with mine as we start to make love and a union once thought unreachable is now being surpassed.
"Wow," he mummers in my ear, gently nuzzling my neck as I lay in his arms some time later, my head resting on his, our bodies warm and glistening with sweat, covered with only a sheet.
"Wow is right."
"You are right we never had sex before," he offers and I look up into his eyes and frown. "I would have remembered that."
My grin widens as I gently poke his sweaty side and he just laughs.
"Well you better not forget it when your memory comes back," I lightly warn as he brushes some damp hair off my forehead before planting a warm kiss on it.
"I doubt I'll ever forget it."
I lie in his arms in silence for a few minutes before I offer a heavy sigh.
"What is it?" He's quick to wonder.
"The man that kidnapped you, did he ever tell you why he did it? Even in a fit of anger?"
"No. Just kept saying things like you wanted to kill me; I wasn't safe; you hated me; the team hated me, and stuff like that. I think mostly to try to break my spirit and will power. He said I ruined his life but never said how or why. I somehow get the feeling that I am strong willed?"
"To a fault sometimes," I answer and he looks at me with a frown.
"That's why I think the cold room, the darkness, the constant berating and belittling me. I think he wanted me to become reliant on him; that I just gave up wanting to seek freedom or a better way of life. Maybe to give up and just die alone..."
As I lay on Mac's chest, listening to him talking, my ear that is pressed against his heart starts to feel it beating faster and I know he's getting worked up. After we just finished an amazing session of love making, the last thing I want is for him to get into a heated fit and put his mind in turmoil once again.
"Just relax a little okay?" I ask in haste as I feel his body starting to tense up as he continues about his captivity.
"Just makes me angry," he states in contempt but finally offers nothing more in the way of a heated remark and his heart rate finally starts to slow. "Come here," he whispers pulling me closer, covering us with a blanket as night starts do descend upon us.
"Goodnight," I whisper with a sleepy expression, kissing his flushed lips once more before he turns out the light.
As I lie awake in his strong arms; my mind always on constant alert to the man who took him and the possibility that he might return under the cover of darkness. I hear his breathing finally starting to shallow and know he's finally falling into a deeper sleep and I am after today's excitement and stress that he should get a few solid hours of sleep before he's disturbed. Thankfully I would be right.
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'You can't hide from me John...'
'You'll never be safe...'
'Time to shut you up for a bit...'
'Never see her again...'
'I'm coming for you...TONIGHT!'
"NO!" I wake up in a panic as my mind offers me an image of Colin pushing a needle into my neck while I am tied up and helpless to stop him.
"Mac?" Stella mumbles in a sleepy voice, pulling herself from her sleep at my loud outburst. I curse myself for waking her up and quickly assure her I'm okay before I try to settle back into the warm bed; Stella's arms wrapping around me once again to confirm I'm safe.
"It was him...he was here..."
"It was just a dream Mac, you're safe."
"Damn it was so real."
"Just try to sleep okay? You need you rest."
"But..."
"I won't let him take you away again," she whispers into the dark stillness of the room and despite my inward doubts I reply with an unseen smile before I kiss the top of her head and close my watery eyes once more and try to find some more solace in sleep.
"Morning," Stella greets me sometime later just as the sun is coming up; I'm already awake and just looking around my bedroom in wonder. The throbbing in my head has subsided and I think it has something to do with our connection last night but I better not mention that as she'll probably think me silly.
"Good morning," I correct and she grabs my mouth and kisses my lips firmly.
"You're right, it is a good morning. You feel like going back into the lab today?"
"Can't just sit around Stella, I have to be involved in this, even if it's just from a distance. Besides it doesn't seem like everyone is speaking a foreign language."
"It's probably only a matter of days now Mac," she tells me and I once again feel at ease.
We talk a bit more about the day and then finally it's time to get up and get ready. I know when I have my memory fully recovered, it'll be back to business as usual but I'm wondering if Stella and I could go back to being just friends? She said we care about each other and that we were trying to take things past friendship so I have to believe that our growing bond will continue to grow. I let Stella have the shower first and although I have seen her naked and would very much like to again, I need to have some boundaries so keep myself wisely in the bedroom until she's done. However, I grab my robe and head into the kitchen, opening the fridge and smiling at all the food she's stocked it with.
"Didn't want you to die of starvation when your memory is back and I'm not here to nurse you back to health," she whispers, coming up behind me and wrapping her arms around me, pulling me into her warm embrace.
"Mmm you smell good," my turn to offer as I let the faint sent of orange tempt my already hungry brain.
"You smell like morning...like the smell of morning Mac, I like waking up to you like this."
"You know I hadn't thought about when I have my memory back and you not being here on a regular basis," I whisper and she turns me around to face her.
"Mac, we are growing our bond, you getting your memory back isn't going to change that, if anything this whole ordeal has helped to strengthen it. Now get into the shower before I change my mind and attack you right here."
"And that would be a bad thing?" I ask in eager expectation.
"Shower...now..." she lightly orders and I can't help but grin. I plant one more kiss on her lips before slowly heading back to the bathroom to get ready for the day.
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In truth I wanted nothing more than to attack him, letting the smell of sleep and his manly scent tease my fantasies a moment longer before he wisely takes his leave and heads into the bathroom; worse still when he comes out smelling clean and tempting. I hear his shaver start and take that as my cue to finally get ready to go into work.
I finish dressing and then head back into the living room to call Flack. "Anything?"
"Canvassed the neighborhood and someone remembers seeing the same dark truck parked a few doors down from Mac's apartment, just waiting," Flack relays the information to me with a heavy sigh.
"But once again nothing solid. This guy just didn't fall from the sky out of thin air. He isn't in our system which means he knows how to keep himself out of trouble, however, he's targeting Mac for some reason, wanting him to forget, vengeance for ruining his life, but why?"
"I'll get Adam to expand his search to all State data bases," Flack lets me know. We talk a bit longer about the details of what we'll do today and then I hang up; turn around to see Mac looking at me in expectation.
"Anything?" He questions, his hair still wet but he's starting to look like the old Mac I have grown to expect every day, dress pants, dark t-shirt and a button up dress shirt that he's not finished buttoning up.
"Still searching," I answer with an arched brow directed at his open shirt. "Going for the Miami Vice look?" I tease.
"Funny," he answers in a dry tone as he slowly starts to finish his task of getting dressed. "My favorite color is blue right?"
"How did you know?"
"Most clothing I own is in some sort of shade of blue. Sorry just an observation, not a memory," he mentions, his face showing a frown instead of a smile of approval. But I just smile back as I head to the door and grab my coat and put it on.
"Do I always wear suits?"
"For the most part."
"Why?"
"Good question," I smile and he just frowns.
"Not helpful."
"So are you going to pull another stunt like yesterday or do I have to handcuff you to the desk to make sure you stay where you are?" I ask with a smile.
"I'll behave," he answers in haste and I just smile.
"You better."
"Trust me, I've learned not to cross you," he mentions and I laugh.
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We finally reach the office and slowly walk inside. My nervous anxiety isn't as bad as yesterday and when Lindsay and Sheldon walk up to greet us, my heart isn't ready to explode as before and I am actually interested in what they have to say; see what they have found on my would be kidnapper. My brain once again is starting to flash various images that now I can recognize and my outlook doesn't seem so bleak.
"So Mac, I need you to come and take a look at what we found," Sheldon tells me, handing me a handout with various numbers and items on the page.
"Sure."
Stella and I turn to follow Sheldon and Lindsay who talk about other information about my case and I finally realize that their foreign language isn't that foreign and for some reason I'm not as lost as I was yesterday.
We head into the lab and my mind flashes me a picture of myself standing by one of them, wearing a white coat and working on one of the very expensive looking pieces of equipment. Stella had told me on the way over that Dr. Adams wanted to see me later for another CAT scan to see how the swelling was coming and this time around I'm more than happy to comply.
We stand by the computer and Sheldon pulls up a few objects that were from various areas of the crime scene of the truck and then where I was found and I finally feel like I can contribute something vital to this case instead of just standing around feeling like a burden. But I let my eyes wander around the workstation of Sheldon Hawkes while the others talk. I discreetly pull away and let my eyes take in all they can; hoping that something will spark a memory or maybe more.
But as I come across a photograph, I offer a small gasp and my world comes to a halt as my eyes lock with my kidnapper; standing beside Sheldon Hawkes.
"Mac?" Stella asks in haste, Sheldon and Lindsay now closing in on me. "Did you remember something else?"
"What is this? This group? Who are they?" I ask, my finger pointing to a group of men in white coats, standing together, smiling and holding objects in their hands.
"This was a group of doctors taken about six years ago," Sheldon starts to inform me. "I was invited to join a special research group on the study of brain injuries in middle aged patients. Why?"
"I know him," I offer as I land my finger on a man who has managed to make my life a living hell. "Who is he? Sheldon tell me who this man is!"
"I'm not sure, but I can find out," Sheldon tells me.
"Mac, how do you know him?" Stella wonders.
"He's the man that kidnapped me. That's Colin."
"What!"
A/N: so things are ramping up a bit with Mac's memory. Good or bad? Hehe...you tell me in a review.
PS: If you haven't yet, please check out my latest smacked one shot "12 Ice Cubes!" A hot treat for the summer heat