Disclaimer: I don't own Power Rangers or anything else mentioned in this fic.
Ok, last time we were here, Tommy and Jason told the epic story of why Tommy hates them Sentai folk. Carlos and Leo also debuted there new costumes; the Green Arrow and Speedy respectively. And Andross now knows that Ashley sold the B.A.S.S. earlier, and everyone learns that Z stole the ship back as opposed to winning like we thought. Well, lets pick with the guys shall we?
"Dammit Ashley!" Andross said as he tossed his pirate hat to the ground. "Not only does she sell my big ship, but now because of her the damn Blue Senturions took my Megaship as collateral!"
"Well it's not that..." Justin began, Andross quickly cut him off.
"And I just know that she and Zhane ran off together! They might not know that I know, but I know!"
"I have a plan!" TJ proclaimed. "You two, morph and follow me!" he said pointing to Kai and Damon. TJ then morphed and flew into space on his Galaxy Glider. Kai and Damon shrugged before hoping into there Jet Jammers and following suit.
"Hey guys, can one of you please help me with my zord?" Mraz whined
"Who the hell is this one guy?" Mike asked.
"I dunno. I think he's in Maroon 5 or something." Max answered
"Naw, I'm pretty sure he plays quarterback for the Raiders." Joel adds.
"Come Mr. McWandos! We must help this man's zord!" Cole said
"Didn't you just say that a little while ago?" Ryan asked.
"Sorry, I tend to be repeating myself lately." Cole said. "Anyway, let's go!" Cole grabbed McWando as the two ran in the direction that they thought lead to Mraz's zord.
"Wait! My zords other way!" Mraz said as he chased the moron and his pet.
"Hey Billy, I meant to ask you something. Why have you been so silent lately?" Justin asked
"And come to think of it, you haven't said anything for a while either Eric." Wes said
"Do you really want to know?" Billy asked. Everyone nodded with excitement. "Well, the reason for my unusual silence is quite simple. You see, things are what they seem; for I am a Billy, but not the Billy you know and possibly love. I am..." Billy then ripped of his mask to reveal..."Musical legend Billy Joel! Muahahhahahahaa!"
Everyone let out a gasp.
"And you see, I also have a secret to tell; for my name is not Eric Myers" Eric said as he removed his mask to show "I am the great Eric Clapton!"
Another surprising gasp was heard.
"And if you think that was shocking, wait until you hear this! Though I may appear to be Rocky DeSantos, in reality, I am..." Rocky then removed his mask to reveal...Rocky
"Your such a jackass." Blake said as he rubbed his temples.
"A regular moron. And that's comin from me!" Shane said "I really shouldn't enjoy degrading myself like that."
"Hey, if you don't do it, someone will." Cam said calmly
"Tell me where Billy is! I need him to show me how to tie my shoe again!" Tommy roared at Billy Joel
"And I need Eric to remind me how stupid I am!" Wes cried.
"Well I'll tell you where they are. Mr. Cranston is in my fortress, constructing my Piano Man Megazord, powered by a magic keyboard!" Joel exclaimed
"And Eric is with him, making sure none of Master Joel's enemies try to sabotage the project" Eric Clapton said
"Give us back our geek you psycho!" Tommy yelled.
"You dare insult my lord?! I will destroy you!" Clapton said. He then pressed something that resembled a morpher. "Now I will show you to fear us!"
A giant Beetlebord with a guitar then appeared from the sky "Fear the wrath of my Beetleborg Clapton Megazord!"
"Aw man, we need a megazord!" Tommy said. And as soon as he said this, the B.A.M. came crashing down into the planet.
"Hop in guys!" Taylor said over the loud speaker.
The guys quickly ran on board to find TJ, Kai, and Damon inside with the girls.
"Hey, how'd you guys find them?" Hunter asked
"Just floated in space hitchhiking." Damon said
"Yeah, I remember Ashley saying she could never say no to a hitchhiker." TJ said
"Hey Teej, remember that one time Zhane got knocked out the ship and Ashley thought he was a hitchhiker and Andross told her she couldn't pick him up?" Carlos asked
"Yeah, Zhane was out there for days." TJ said with a smile.
"Speaking of, where be that woman stealin excuse for a first mate?' Andross asked.
"Dude, you can stop with the pirate voice." Dustin said
"Argh, I been talkin like this for so long, me forgot how to talk any other way." Andross said
Just then, Karone ran into the room with Zhane just a step behind her. She was dressed in a skimpy Batgirl costume and he was dressed in a very small very tight Robin suit(he even has those little elf boots Robin use to wear shudders) Both of them stopped dead in front of Andross and froze.
"Doing a little role playing eh?" Andross asked
"Um,...this isn't what it look likes." Zhane said.
"I see." Andross said. "Get em Monkey!" Andross then tossed his pet monkey on Zhane. The monkey violently and meanly ripped into Zhane as he screamed like a little girl.
Just then, in a bright flash of green light, Trip appeared in black and green robes with a hood that concealed most of his face. Next to him was Jenji...er...Darth Jenji.
"Jenji! What happened to you?" Maddie asked
"Daggeron shot me into the dragon's mouth, down it's throat! And let's just say the stomach of a dragon ain't a very safe place to be." Jenji breathed.
"Hey, it had to be done! How else would I get the spell custard into it's system?" Daggeron defended.
"You could've tryed feeding it to him. It does eat anything you know." Vida said as the others nodded.
"Well I know that now." Daggeron said calmly
Just then, Clapton let loose an assault on the zord.
"We're not strong enough to fight him! We'll be dead in no time if this keeps up!" Justin said
"Look, up in the sky!" Jack said
"It's a bird!" Ashley proclaimed
"No, it's a plane!" Kat said
"No no, it's a bird that flies like a plane!" Cassie yelled
"It's a pink flamingo zord!" Shayla concluded
Mraz's zord came soaring threw the air with Cole, McWandos and Mraz inside.
"Do it now!" Mraz yelled over his loud speaker.
Aisha pressed on a button on the megazord wall that read "Press button in case of emergancy need to fuse zords to stop evil musicians or when a really cool artest that get's no props says to do it now."
"We need FlamingoWild Big Ass Megazord power now!" everyone yelled as the two zords came together to form the new zord.
This zord then began to punish Clapton. Just when they had him on the ropes, Kira heard something in the distance.
"Oh...my...God." she said lowly
"What is it?" Trent asked
"That music..." she said
"What music? Who's song is it?' Trent asked as he began to shake her violently
"BILLY JOEL!!!" she screamed.
A large piano-like megazord then dropped from the sky and came to Clapton's defense.
"AHAHAHAHA! I have returned for your heads rangers!" Billy Joel said as he played his keyboard and made the zord take a fighting stance.
"What the hell is your problem dude?" Tori asked "We didn't do anything to you!"
"You think I care?! I just want you out of the way so that I may put my evil plans into effect!"
"Can we leave now?" Eric whined from inside the zord with Billy and Billy Joel
"Sure whatever." Billy Joel said. Billy and Eric then morphed and jumped into the Flamingo-B.A.M.
"I guess this is it guys!" Rocky yelled as Clapton and Billy Joel hit the zord at once with powerful attacks. "It's been a fun ride, but I think this is our stop!"
"Hold me son!" Carter yelled as he jumped into Nick's arms.
"Me too!" Dana said as she too jumped into the arms of Nick.
"Me aswell!" Udonna said.
"My...spine!" Nick said as he fell due to the wieght he was carrying
"You built the thing Billy, surely you made a secret device that disarms it or something right?" Trent said
"Negative" Billy said.
"...And why didn't you do that?" Trent asked
"Um, see, I,... even a genius forgets stuff sometimes!" Billy said as he began to cry on Adam's shoulder
"Gee, why am I always the one people cry on?" he asked
"It's because your shirts feel like tissue." Billy said as he sneezed into Adam's sleeve
"Rangers!" a familar voice boomed throughout the air.
"Zo..Zordon?" Trini asked nervously.
"NO!" The voice boomed angerly. "He's dead dammit! I am his father, Zordon Zero" the voice said. Zordon Zero then appeared on one of the viewing screens.
"Hey Big Z. You here to give us help?" Rocky asked
"Um, no actually. Alpha lost the remote and we were wondering if you knew where it was."
"I didn't lose it! I just...don't know where it is right now." Alpha said as he made his way to the screen.
"Alpha? Is that you?" Trini asked.
"Trini!" Alpha said as he ran to the screen. "Save me Trini! He's mistreating me! I haven't had food in years!"
"That's cause you don't eat you moron." Zordon Zero snapped back
Alpha completely ignored this and continued talking "And he doesn't read me bedtime stories, and he makes me do all the work around here!"
"That's cause I can't do anything like this! And work? All you do is sit around and watch Babar all day!"
"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!!"Cam yelled in frustration. "Now bald man, do you or do you not have zords we can use to defeat this psycho piano player and his guitar playing minion?"
"Psycho piano player? Guitar playing minion? Damiit, are Billy Joel and Eric Clapton bothering you kids?" Zordon Zero asked. "When will those silly bastard just leave people alone. Alpha! See if those pro wrestler zords are still working."
"Kay!" Alpha said as he happily skipped in the back "Yeah, they seem to be in good condition!" Aplha yelled back
"Excellant, send them to the rangers." Just then, seven large zords appeared outside the B.A.S.S. "Rangers, behold your new zords!"
"This is the Black Undertaker zord. This is the pink Shawn Michaels zord. This is the green Ted DiBase zord. This is the white zord. It was made to fit the liking of, um, that one guy. Oh damn, what was his name...Steamboat! This is the white Ricky Steamboat zord! And these two the best of them all; the blue Ric Flair and yellow Randy Savage zords!" as soon as Zordon Zero said this, a large red and yellow zord jumped in the way of the Flair and Savage zords. "And this of course is the glory hoggin Hulk Hogan zord."
"Do you think your silly little zords can stand a chance against this?" Billy Joel said threw the megaphone of his zord
Before anyone could respond, the Hulk Hogan zord started yelling "Well let me tell ya somethin brother, I've sat back and watched you opress and belittle my Hulkamaniacs for too long! So I went home and did some deep spiritaul searching along with my vitimans and sayin my prayers brother, and I came up with a question; Watcha Gonna Do? Watcha Gonna Do when Hulkamania runs wild on you?!"
"Wow, this zord really sounds like Hogan." Chip said happily
"Yeah, you can even hear how feeble he is in his voice." Aisha said dryly.
"Maybe they transfered his mind into it or something. Is that possible?" Xander said, the latter statement directed towards Trip.
"I, uh, um stay away from me!" Trip screamed.
"Huh?"
"Nadria told me about that crush you have on me! Now it's not that I have anything against gay folks, it's just that they scare me. Especally those you have crushes on me."
"Ok, enough of this!" Xander said . "All of those stupid conclusions that you guys came too are retarded. The reason I want to seperate Lucas and Nadria is because Ransik asked me to. He doesn't fancy Lucas and want's his daughter to be with Trip." Xander said. "So we cut a deal in order for me to get out. I break up Nadria and Lucas and hook her up with Trip in exchange for my freedom. That was our deal." Xander said
"You damn backstabbin Scot!" Ransik said as he appeared from thin air. "You were to never speak of our deal!"
"I'm sorry, but this was just getting too odd for my taste!" Xander said.
"So," Lucas said as he walked up to Ransik "You disapprove of me eh?"
"Yeah I do." Ransik threw gritted teeth.
"Then how bout we settle this in the way of the saw?"
"Fine by me!" Ransik yelled.
Both men then pulled chainsaws from seemingly nowhere and began fighting with them.(Keep in mind, the chainsaws aren't turned on.)
"Hey cut that out! You almost hit me!" Z yelled
"Sorry Elizabeth!" Ransik and Lucas said like children.
"It's Z to you!!" she yelled
Ransik cowered in a corner and began crying while Lucas wet himself.
"For the love of Pete, grow a damn spine." Cam said.
"Can we please use the zords now?" Shane whined
"Sure Shawn." Jason said.
"Remind that if we ever do this again to make sure we get everyone name tags to avoid this problem." Trini said
"Allright guys, let's get in those zords!" Tommy said.
"Right!" The rangers said in unison as they morphed and poured into the zords.
Location: Pink Shawn Michaels zord
As everyone is taking a seat, Jen stops Mraz.
"Whoa whoa. What are you doing Sweetness?" Jen asked
"Taking my seat in the zord." everyone stared at him. "Oh come on girls, it's not someone was using this seat."
At that moment, Vida(the only one who was standing) made a very audible throat clearing sound. Saddened, Mraz got up and left the zord.
"Fine then! I'll just pilot this zord!" Mraz said as he entered the Flamingo-B.A.M. He then noticed that he had no clue had to control it. "...Can you help me use this?" he asked Hayley.
"Sure. It's not like I was doing anything important in this story. I mean, with Fairweather, Billy, Kendrix, Justin, Trip, Kat, and Bridge around, I'm just another run of the mill genius." Hayley let out a sigh.
"She seems sad." Mraz said
"Who cares?" Clare said. "I only actually mattered in about four episodes of my show, and you don't see me whining about it."
"Hell, I've never been relevant in anything and you don't see me fussin about it." Alpha said as over the B.A.M.'s communication screen.
"Please, you were just crying about that yesterday." Zordon Zero said.
"If I don't answer you that mean's you're not talking." Alpha said. Zordon Zero simply rolled his eyes.
Meanwhile, everyone jumped into there zords and prepared for battle.
"All right guys, let's show these pixies how we do things; ranger stlye!" Jason said
"Right!" was the collective answer as they charged the two zords.
20 minutes later.
Clapton and Billy Joel had disposed of and defeated the rangers with relative ease. One big reason was because Alpha had forgotten to install a megazord feature, and since he used some new technology that none of the other genius had ever seen, they were up the creek so to speak. All seemed lost until at roughly the same time, all the Mystic Force rangers(minus Chip) noticed the time.
"I got a plan!" Maddie exclaimed. "But I'll need everyone's help. Guys, I assume you know what to do right?"
"Right!" the other MFers(hehe) said. As usual, Chip was clueless.
"Ok, Kira and Danny, I need you to make sure the coffee in the zord is gone." Maddie said over there communicaters.
"Gotcha." Danny said as he went to pour out the coffee.
Moments later, (as soon as the clock struck 3:00) a very audible ding is heard. Chip then got up and went to the back of the zord.
"It shouldn't be long now!" Maddie said
"Oh shit! Where's the coffee?!" Chip screamed. He then began yelling into his communicater. "Vi! Gimme some of the coffee from you zord!"
"Sorry Chippers, but where out. I think those villians Clapton and Billy Joel stole all of it." Vida said.
"They did?! They'll die for there caffine related stealing!" Chip screamed as he left the room. He returned moments later dressed in a pair of black sweatpants, a black t-shirt with a wanted poster picture with his face on it in the center, a pair of leopard print boots, and a yellow flannel shirt. His hair is also now long and shaggy and he has an unkept beard.
"Oh my God! It's Cactuc Chip!" Xander screamed
"You darn right! I'll learn those damn musicians about stealing my coffee! And this lesson...is hardcore!" Chip said as he pulled out a large crate of weapons from seemingly nowhere. He then leapt into Clapton's zord, ready to dish out some hardcore justice.
"What the-?"
"Silence! You will feel my vengence!" Chip said as he reached into his crate. He then pulled out a sledgehammer covered in broken glass and smacked Clapton across the room. But before he could too far away, Chip wrapped a chain around his neck and pulled him back like a yoyo. He then took the sledgehammer and slowly rubbed it into Clapton's face. He then performed a hip toss off of the zord into a pile of nails, thumbtacks, glass, barbwire, and old needles that was put there by Vida before hand. Clapton sold the move like a pro, rolling around on the ground and even faking a seizure. Or maybe he wasn't faking...who cares? It's just Eric Clapton after all!
Chip then morphed into his Mystic Titan form and tossed Clapton's zord to the ground. He then pointed to Billy Joel, telling him that he was next. Billy Joel tryed to excape the zord but was cut off by Chip, who hit him across the face with a barbed wire covered boxing glove. He then removed the glove and started whipping Billy Joel across the back with the barbed wire. He then wrapped the wire around his hand and delivered a hardcore Mandible Claw to the muscial legend.
"Ouchies! Somebody call the dentist!" Conner said. he and the other rangers had relocated to the B.A.M. they carelessly tossed there wrestling legend zords into the pile where Clapton's zord was.
"Screw that, Chip thinks they stole his coffee. Some better call the morgue!"Darth Jenji said
Chip tossed the battered singer over his shoulder and once again turned to his Titan form. He kicked Billy Joel's zord over into the pile and set it ablaze with a thunderbolt. He then flew high into the air and turned back into his normal form. He used his elevaion to perform a devastating up-high piledriver into a pile of flaming zords! Cactus Chip! Cactuc Chip! Cactus Chip! Cactus Chip! Billy Joel just got piledriven straight to hell! He's a bloody mess! It's like a car-wreck down there! Um, sorry folks. I guess I channeled my inner Jim Ross just now.
The rangers all jumped from the inside of the B.A.M. and walked up to the battered villians.
"And now for the final touch!" Max said. "Pokeballs, go!" two Pokeballs then hit Clapton and Billy Joel, capturing them inside. "Yay! I caught a Billy Joel and an Eric Clapton!"
"Well guys, look's like everything here is as it should be." Kai said
"The villians are safely inside there pokeballs, we got our womanfolk back, and Cole got a new friend." Chad said
"This was quite the adventure." Mike said
"Lot of weird and awesome shit went down." Zack said
"Danny and Eric meet there children from the future." Carter said
"We got a glimpse into the sick sexual life of Kelsey and Ryan." Adam said
"Not to mention Karone and Zhane!" Carlos happily added.
"We meet some new rangers." Kelsey said as Udonna turned her back into her right age.
"I got a new set of parents." Nick said dryly. "I wonder who my real parents are."
"Udonna and Korragg are your parents. I thought I told you." Trip said.
"...Are you fuckin serious?" Nick asked. Trip nodded "Why? Why can't I have normal parents?? Most people get one set of crappy parents; I end up with three!!"
"It's not that bad" Maddie said.
"God hates me." Nick said sadly.
"But most importantly, I finally convinced Hayley, Kim and Kat to have that orgy with me!" Tommy said
"And when did this happen?" Hayley asked.
"...Dammit, I was so close!" Tommy said. "Guess it's back to the mountains for me.."
"Greetings rangers." Necrolai said as she appeared from nowhere.
"What do you want you wench?" Nick asked as he suddenly got his courage back. (Nothin like some action to get a red ranger going eh?)
"I actually came to see the faces of your comrades when I show them this!" Necrolai said as she pulled out a DVD. Shane, Hunter, Conner, Sky, Jack, and Nick all gasped.
"Where did you get that?" Sky yelled.
"P. Diddy gave it to me in exchange for letting him cut me over at Aslon's." the vampire then pulled out a DVD player and large screen TV. (Let's just say she pulled them from under her wing. Yeah let's go with that.) She put the DVD in and it began to play.
I won't bore you good people with the details of this video, but I will point out some of the higher points. These include a 'You Got Served' esqu dance off between a random guy and Conner, Sky hitting a Mariah Carey like high note, Shane breakdancing against a clown while the others stood in the background and did what I like to call the Magiranger dance.
The video ended as all the rangers were silent. That was until Billy fell to the floor in laughter. After a few seconds of looking at him, the other rangers followed suit. Hell, even Cole was laughing at them!
"Yep." Nick said. "God hates me."
Just then, Sky's SPD morpher began beeping.
"Tate here, is there anything wrong Commander?" Sky said into his morpher. Moments later, the voices of Sam, Doggie, Silverback, and the rest of SPD laughing came threw the morpher.
"Oh yeah, I sent a copy to the future Necrolai said.
"You know, this is really embarrassing." Sky said
"Yeah it is. Good thing we lack shame." Jack said
"Ain't that the truth." Sky responded as he put his arm around Jack in a freindly gesture. He then quickly removed it.
"All right guys we all should be heading home." Adam announced
"This was so much fun!" Claire said sadly. "I know! You guys should all come to Root Core for Thanksgiving this year!"
"That's sounds like fun." Conner said. "So, will it involve you and a bikini?" he said as winked at Claire.
Chip then appeared from nowhere and hit Conner about the head and neck with a cookie sheet. Apparently he was still in the Cactus Chip mind frame.
"She's my woman ya here? Bang bang bitch!" Chip said as he grabbed Claire under his arm. Claire then began giggling madly. "Somebody gimme some coffee!" Vida then handed him a mug of coffee.
"Yeah, Thanksgiving at Root Core sounds like fun." Dustin said
"We'll work out details later. Right now we need to get back home. I think a new episode of The Batman is on." Hunter said. Everyone agreed and boarded the B.A.S.S.
"Pilot, set a course for home!" Andross said. "Pilot?" he then noticed that Joel and Taylor were beating each over control of the ship. "This could take a while
The End...or is it? No really it's over...or am I tricking you?
Seriously though, I'm done.
A/N: Ok boys, girls, and trannies, that ends our chaotic journey that is the Missing duology. I would like to personally thank every single person that reviewed Missing or Missing: Part Deux. It's because of you that I kept writing this. I may not write again for a while because my school workload is piling up, but I can promise you one thing; One day(and that may never come) I will write a PR/Super Sentai crossover that will bring tears to your eyes(rather it be because it was good or because it hurt your eyes to read. I just like making people cry.) So until then, tip your waiters, support porn, and GO VIKES BABY!!!