WARNING: Anti-Semitic and anti-gay reference – as a Jew myself, and a proud one, I obviously don't care for it and think it is completely, one hundred percent wrong. As for the anti-gay references, I also think that is completely wrong. Love is love. It shouldn't matter. A quote from one of my favourite movies; "Love is. It just is and nothing you can say can make it go away because it is the point of why we are here, it is the highest point and once you are up there, looking down on everyone else, you're there forever. Because if you move, right, you fall. You fall"

Okay, rant over. FWI = Proud Jew and completely anti-homophobic.

Chapter Ten - The Past Is Always Present

"Quinn you look-"

"Allow me. Rachel, you look beyond beautiful. May I have the honer as to take you out tonight?"

"You may." Rachel blushed, turning around to lock the door.

They made their way out, walking along the streets and heading towards their old high school football pitch.

"What are we doing here?" Rachel asked, as they ascended the bleachers. Nothing had changed. Not one thing. Rachel giggled to herself as she thought that Coach Sylvester was still probably coaching the cheerios, still as fierce as ever.

Quinn wiped the seat with her hand to clear it of invisible dust and held her hand as she sat down.

"If I was a guy," Quinn began, still holding Rachel's hands and looking at her, "I would take you hear on our first date. I didn't because, I'm not a guy and I wanted to do something girly and romantic for our first date. But, I think you really need to see this." She turned her head and stared across the pitch, wanting Rachel's eyes to follow her.

They both looked out to the setting sun and they watched the glow in front of them.

"Quinn, it's beautiful"

"Like you." Quinn told her seriously, seeing the glow dance on Rachel's features.

"How did you know the sunset here was this beautiful"? Rachel asked, biting her lip to stop herself from smiling too much. Quinn shrugged and took a quick breath, bending her neck to look down at the ground and then back at the hypnotising yellow glow.

"That day," they both knew which one she was talking about and didn't need an explanation, "I came up here to cry and to think. I stayed out here for so long that I woke up to the sunrise and I stayed out here until I really had to go back. But, for the next week or so, I kept coming back just to bathe in the sun's stunning light. The sunset calmed me, but every time it eventually sank down into the earth and the last of its bright rays vanished, I felt a piece of my heart go along with it too. And, I knew that I didn't want that to happen to us. When I would wake up to the sunrise, no matter how crappy the weather was, seeing the little rays bloom into big ones, it gave me hope and solace that one day, we would be together once more."

Rachel felt moved by her words and she couldn't compete with them, so she simply pulled herself close to Quinn and lay her head on her shoulder and they watched the sun go down in silence.

Quinn took Rachel back to her house and just before Rachel went inside, she pulled her close to her and felt hungry at the idea of hugging Rachel again.

Quinn leaned into Rachel and held her close to her. Breathing on her neck and moving her lips close to her ear, she whispered all the words she hoped would make Rachel fall in love with her all over again.

"I love your smile and the way you make me smile. I love the way you walk, talk and laugh. I love you with my heart and soul, I love everything about you, inward and outward I love the way you brighten up a room, I love the way you love me, I love the way you make me feel. You make me feel at the top of the world! You just make me feel so good. I love you so much..."

Quinn turned her face and began kissing and sucking on Rachel's neck. She felt her knees buckle as she felt Rachel moan and sigh. She pulled her lips off of her and then leaned into Rachel's mouth, closing her eyes at the last second as her lips connected with Rachel's.

Just as Quinn was about to deepen the kiss, Rachel suddenly snapped back into her reality and pushed her away.

"Wait!"

"What is it?"

"Quinn..no."

"No?"

"No! No you, you can't just whisper sweet nothings in my ear and kiss me and pretend that we don't have a past!"

"I'm not trying to pretend Rachel. I just want to-"

"Well you can't just want to Quinn! I..I won't let you, I won't let you just manipulate me into being with you-"

"Manipulate you? No, Rach I don't want to. I would never-"

"But you did! You did Quinn and I...I can't. Okay, I just can't. I'm sorry."

"No Rachel, I'm sorry-"

"I gave you a chance and you've blown it! I wanted to take this slowly Quinn!"

"I'm sorry, Rachel I'm sorry."

"You should go."

"Rachel-"

"Just...please."

"Please Quinn, don't make this harder than it has to be."

"Fine. I'll go, but I'm not giving up."

"Sometimes you have to."

"Quinn Fabray is not a quitter, and I get what I want."

"And you want me?" Rachel tried to laugh, although the tears were streaming down her face. Quinn gave her a sideways smile. "I want you. Forever."

"Quinn-"

"I'll leave you to your thoughts." Quinn gave her a fuller smile and then continued her way down Rachel's garden path, got in her car and drove home.

That night Rachel was certainly left with her thoughts. As was Quinn. Even though they were separated by barely a few miles, they were connected by the same thought and dream.

Starting off as their perfect moment;

"I love you Rachel."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"What will your parents say?"

"I don't care." Quinn grabbed Rachel's neck and tried to connect their lips.

"But you have to care-"

"Rachel the only person I care about in this world is you! Just you, forever just you!"

Ending with the worst moments in their lives concerning each other;

"Daddy please-"

"I don't want to hear it Quinn!"

"But dad, it's not-"

"I saw you kissing her!"

"No!"

"No? Are you calling me a liar?"

"No Sir."

"Are you calling me stupid?"

"No Sir."

"Are you calling me wrong?"

There was a slight hesitation from Quinn.

Yes, she was calling him wrong, but there was no way in hell that she could tell him that.

He noticed and he slammed his fist on the coffee table, making the room shake like a clap of thunder had just rumbled.

"So tell me, Quinn. If you didn't kiss her, then what happened?"

"I...I...I don't know."

"You don't know? Or are you just trying to protect yourselves?"

"No Sir!"

"Are you trying to protect her?"

Again, another hesitation.

She couldn't have her father mad at her. She couldn't. But at the same time, she couldn't have her father mad at Rachel.

Still...maybe that was better than him being mad at her.

"Yes." She whispered.

"Yes what?"

"Yes Sir, I..I am trying to protect her."

"Did she force herself upon you?" Quinn swallowed as she realised she would have to lie to save her own skin. "Quinn, did she force herself upon you? Did she force you to sin with her?"

"Yes!" She cried, "Yes Sir!"

"Has she done it before?" Her father asked, calming down a little, but Quinn knew that his anger would only flare up again.

Had she done it before? Oh yes. Many, many times before. And she had done it to her. Heck, she had been the one to take Rachel's virginity! She was the one that initiated the act! None of it was Rachel's fault, and yet, to save herself, she had to make it look like it was. She had to lie to save herself.

"Yes Sir." She said quietly. "Many times."

"For how long?"

"A few...months."

"Months? How many?"

"Since...since New Year, maybe Christmas-"

"Maybe Christmas?" Her father's volume had picked up again and his face turned red once more.

"Yes. Sir. Since Christmas. We kissed on Christmas day."

"You kissed on Our Lord and Saviour's Birthday!" Her father was furious.

"Yes Sir."

"She caused you to sin with her..." He had to compose himself, he screeched a little before continuing his rant. "Just like a Jew! She ruined our Saviour's day! Have you committed other sinful acts with her?"

"Daddy-"

"Answer the question!" He bellowed.
"Yes." She finally looked away, too ashamed of herself, not because of her love for Rachel but for making it seem like her fault. "What did you do?" Quinn looked up at him again. "What did she make you do, Quinn?"

"I took her virginity." Quinn whispered, a deep blush forming on her cheeks.

"What?" He hissed. "You..she...what?"

"We had sex, daddy."

There was more shouting and even objects being thrown and smashed.

Quinn still tried to hold back her tears; her whole body was trembling.

Her father walked back to her once he has stopped yelling at himself. He hadn't calmed down, but he was just ready to deliver the final blow.

"I do not want you to see that girl again, Quinn do you hear me?"

"But daddy-"

"Ever again, you hear me Lucy?"

"Yes Sir."

"Say it."

"S..say it?"

"Say that you will never ever see that..that lesbian freak again!"

Quinn tried to sniffle and hold back the tears; her own father was breaking her heart, but there was no way she could risk being disowned again. She'd just started to enjoy living at home again with her parents.

Her father glared into her eyes, forcing her to say what she never wanted to say.

"I will never see her again."

"You promise that you will never see who again?" He father lowered his voice. Quinn swallowed again, wanting her eyes to leave her father's. But she couldn't. She didn't know what he would do to her if she disobeyed him by not looking him in the eye. "I promise..that I will never, ever see.." She paused to take a shaky breath; "I promise that I will never, ever see Rachel. That lesbian freak ever again."

"I don't want to hear you say her name, do you understand me?" Her father pointed his finger at Quinn and she nodded her head. "Yes Sir. Never again."

Quinn had never cried so much in her life. Well, not yet anyway. The next day, the next evening, she was going to cry harder than any human had ever cried in the history of the world.

All throughout graduation, Quinn felt sick at the task she was being forced to do.

All throughout graduation, Rachel smiled and winked and mouthed 'soon we'll be together'. She'd never looked so happy and excited yet nervous in all her life, and that alone killed Quinn a little more. Thankfully for her they weren't sat together, because of their alphabetical order, but that didn't stop Rachel from turning around during the applause of the speeches and smiling at her; her eyes lighting up with hope for their future. Quinn smiled back, her own eyes glazing over with tears that she wiped away on the sleeve of her red and white gown, before they had a chance to form.

"This is going to be the worst day of my life." She told herself, as she saw Rachel walk up to the stage to make her speech as Captain of the winning New Directions. Quinn couldn't take her eyes off her; she was magnificent. And although she could feel her father's glare burning through the back of her head, she ignored him and focused on soaking the angelic sight in front of her. Her Rachel. Forever and ever eternally her Rachel. Even if she knew they wouldn't be together.

"Laddies and gentlemen, adored parents, faithful teachers, fellow students, and of course the outstanding Glee Club members of New Directions," her gaze flickered over to Quinn and she couldn't help but beam with pride. She knew her fathers – and Shelby too – were sniffling in the seats saved for the parents, and she couldn't help herself but sniffle too. She wanted nothing more but to have a familiar face squeeze her hand and somehow elevate her towards Rachel. But that didn't happen, and instead she held herself together and listened to the remainder of her short, but heartfelt speech.

Once they collected their high school diplomas and tossed their graduation caps in the air, she caught sight of her once more; she being lifted in the air by Finn and then twirled around by Mike. She eventually found her way to Mr Shuester, his cheeks streaming with tears but his face was just as proud as her father's. Rachel had told Quinn many times how she felt Mr Shuester as a third father, and she saw the love in his eyes that he held for her and the mirrored love she felt for him. Just as her fathers and Mr Shuester were talking, she turned her head and caught Quinn watching her. Then she saw her eyes light up with the unmeasurable amount of love for her.

And it broke her heart once more.

Rachel began to make her way over, but Quinn felt her own father's heavy hand fall on her shoulder, grip on and pulled her away. Quinn had to follow his silent orders and follow him, but she gave herself the torturous allowed of looking back at Rachel's beyond beautiful smiling face.

Back on the football field where the post-graduation party was being held,

Rachel bounced up to Quinn and threw her arms around her and squeezed her like an anaconda. Quinn melted into her hug and closed her eyes, imagining all the other times they had been in this position, only with Quinn being the one to hug Rachel from the behind. She sniffled and moved herself around to pull Rachel into her own death clasp embrace. Each soaking up the emotions of the day and their love for each other. Neither wanting to let go. Quinn wanted to take her there and run away. Live their lives together forever and grow old together, dying happily and peacefully in each other's arms. She wanted to kiss her tenderly and lap up everything Rachel had to offer. But, Quinn opened her eyes and saw her father's disgusted look on his face and his angry glare.

"Do it." He mouth, clenching his muscles together.

Quinn sighed and broke away from her girl, knowing that was the last time she would ever truly feel loved and warm again.

"Quinn! How fantastic is this? We're going off to college, we're free! We're free to be whoever we want to be and the best part is, we can finally be together without having to sneak around or hide!" Rachel rose up onto her tiptoes and proceeded to crash her lips tenderly with Quinn, wrapping her arms around her neck.

Quinn had to fight the want to kiss her back.

To not wrap her arms around her and hold her and never let her go.

She could feel her parents' eyes staring down at her once again. She took a deep breath, allowed herself to kiss Rachel back once and almost bit her tongue, wishing their kiss could last forever; like their love.

"Get off me." She whispered, her breath shaking and her body trembling as she pushed Rachel gently off of her.

Rachel loosened her grip on Quinn and gave her a confused look. "What?" She giggled a little and then went to kiss her again. This time Quinn channelled her ex-Head Bitch In Charge persona. She felt her eyes flame up and caused her blood to boil. "I said get off me." Her voice still shook but she cleared her throat, "now." Her tone and volume were low and a snarl appeared on her lip. Rachel leaned back, now her face painted with worry. "Quindle? What's-"

"Don't call me that!" She snapped, taking Rachel's wrists and throwing them off her neck, stepping away from Quinn. "B..but you like it when I call you that. You're my Quindle-boo and I'm your Rachie-bear. Y..you said it made you feel-"

"Yeah well I don't like it, your little nicknames repulse me and make me feel sick and I don't like them and, and you know what, I don't like you." Quinn had purposely raised her voice so that everyone at the party – mostly her parents however – could hear her.

Rachel now backed away a little. Lowering her voice so that it was quite, almost a whisper, "Quinn what's wro-"

"Nothing is wrong with me Ru-" She was about to call Rachel one of the cruel nicknames she never wanted to say ever again, but she couldn't bring herself to do it, "Rachel. Nothing okay, but there is something wrong with you!"

"What? Qu..Quinn why are you saying these things?" Tears were pricking in her eyes as she begged to know what had caused Quinn to change, to go back to the cold, heartless bitch she was before. "I'm saying these things because they're true!"

"Quinn why-" Her voice cracked and she wanted to ask what had happened, but she was stopped by Quinn's hand being held up at her, as if she was a horse that needed to be commanded to stop. "Shut up Berry." She spat. "And get rid of those sad puppy dog eyes, what are you five? Those don't work any more, maybe on your faggot fathers but not on anyone else, especially me, so quit your pre-bubbling like a baby!" Rachel couldn't help it, her tears were already beginning to fall. "Jesus Christ Berry, what did I just say?"

"Quinn please, have I done something? Why-"

"Of course you've done something you idiot! You always do something! You're just so stupid!"

"Quinn calm down-" Rachel placed her hands on Quinn's arms.

"Don't tell me what to do! And get your hands off me!" She pushed them down and away.

"Quinn what is the matter with you? What-" She took one more step towards her and Quinn could smell her perfume, the sent of her shampoo and she felt all of Rachel's love.

And she snapped.

"Get away from me you dyke!" She screamed, pushing Rachel so hard that she fell over, landing hard on the ground. She knew that she had bruised her coccyx and grazed her hands as she fell, possibly spraining her wrist from the uncomfortable angle, but what hurt even more was the name.

Everyone at the party was staring; their friends, their family, teachers, strangers...everyone!

Rachel just stared at her, too shocked to cry. She held her gaze for a moment and saw just how much Quinn regretted it.

Everything.

But then she saw the icy glare as she stood over her, pointing her finger at her, channelling not just her inner bitch but also her tyrant of a father.

"Now listen to me you disgusting dyke, no matter how many times you fling yourself at me, or look at me trying to entice me and to commit myself to your filthy sinful ways, or whisper revolting sweet nothings in my ear, every time you try to touch me, just know that I will never love you! I don't even like you. I despise you! I'd curse your entire existence if I could, heck I think I will; I wish you never came into my life Rachel Barbara Biggest Dyke In Lima Ohio Berry! Stay the hell away from me; stop trying to plague me with your homosexual ways! Leave me and my family alone. I hate you. You make me hate you so much, more than Hitler and more than Global Warming! I hate you. I am not your friend, never was your friend and never will be your friend. I hate you. I hate everything about you; just looking at you makes my eyes hurt! I feel sick looking at you. I loathe and detest you."

Her eyes were welling with tears and they were falling faster than rain in a tropical storm. She was turning red and could hardly breathe. Yet, none of that was from hatred. It was all because not one bit was true. Not a single syllable. She loved Rachel with all her existence, and although she was shattering Rachel's heart, she had broken hers the second she had said those vile words to her father.

Just as she was about to walk away and leave Rachel on the floor, her body suddenly clicked into action and she grabbed the punch bowl that was on the table, near them and held it above and over Rachel's head.

Rachel was about to plead for mercy, but saw that she wasn't going to be graced with such a privilege. She kept her eyes open and her mouth closed as she prepared for her downpour.

Quinn took one final look back at her father, who nodded his head and smiled proudly at his daughter. She took a shaky, deep breath and closed her eyes tightly; wishing it was all a dream, as she dumped the entire contents of the humongous punch bowl over Rachel's head.

The girl was drenched.

She had never looked so small. After all the years of slushies, she had never looked so wet and defeated.

Quinn could hardly breathe as she tried to control the sobs rising in her chest.

As Rachel sat in her drenched gown – the punch soaking right to her bones – she wiped her eyes and stood up, slowly due to the pain in her lower back and wrist.

She walked up to Quinn and stood with her face as close to hers as she dared to.

"I have never been so disappointed in you." She whispered, before turning around and walking to her shocked, ferocious fathers. Without saying a word, she took hold of their hands and walked away, never to see Quinn again.

Until ten years later that is.