Chapter Ten

In the wee hours of the morning, long before first light, Adam watched the young woman lying beside him sleep, her brow relaxed, her lips still holding the slightest smile left over from the night. Again he pondered what really made her happy. Certainly their boys. But was she happy with him. She hadn't really argued with him in a long time. She was loving and thoughtful, but had he made her that way or had she really chosen to be that way. He loved her with all his being, but did she love him the same way? When he rubbed his nose on her ear, her eyes popped open and watched him in the dim light of the predawn.

There were slight lines across his forehead which told her he was deep in worrisome thoughts. She whispered, "Tell me all your deepest, darkest secrets."

His brows furrowed deeply as his nostrils flared. "My deepest, darkest secrets?"

"Yes, those you were thinking about just before you breathed into my ear."

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath.

"Be honest. I would hate to think you couldn't share everything with me," she said in wispy, low voice.

Laying his head on the pillow, he settled down next to her and looked up at the ceiling. "I was wondering if you're really happy or if you've just given in to what you've ended up with. This is not the life you wanted when you came home from college."

She rolled into him, moved her leg over him and laid her head on his shoulder while her hand moved to his chest, her fingers combing the dark curls there into the line that coalesced in the middle and went down to his navel. Taking a deep breath, she breathed out his name, "Adam."

He grabbed her hand. "You know that tickles."

Screwing up her mouth, she breathed out heavily through her nose, then pushed herself up on top of him and leaned over him so they were nose to nose. "Adam, I am here with you because this is where I want to be." Moving her hands to both sides of his face, she kissed him and kept kissing him until he kissed her back. Nose to nose again, she said, "Can you imagine all those times…when I was four and you held me on your lap when my mother was dying, when I was nine and you were so concerned about me after Micah's funeral that your father had to drag you home, when I was twelve and you sent me home from school so you could teach me from your college books, and when I was sixteen and you sent me back east to school because you knew I'd never be satisfied with…being ordinary… Can you imagine what might have become of me if you'd never done any of those things? You've been taking care of my most of my life. How could I not love you?"

Adam was somewhat shocked. Had her thinking really come full circle? "Just a little over four years ago, you…hated…me because I kept you from seeing your mother alive for the last time…because I didn't save Micah…because I kicked you out of school, and because I sent you away and you missed time with your father before he died."

She let her head fall to his shoulder and whispered in his ear. "I did believe that when I was young, and I tried to hang on to it when I came home, but Adam…you did what was best for me at the time. I know that. When I finally opened my eyes, what I saw was a very honorable young man who did the best he could. The only thing I'd change about any of that is…me…my stubbornness. Well, that, and I believe the age gap between us was much larger then than it is now. I mean, back then, did you even consider the possibility that I would be the one to have your children?" Raising her head back up, she inwardly smiled when she watched his eyes move to the side as he gave that some thought before she hovered her lips over his. "I love you, Adam. I love the way you look at me. I love the way you touch me, the way you make love to me, how you know when I need you to hold me, and when I need to you to leave me be. Even when we argue, and I'm so mad at you, I think about how life would be without you, and…" Her eyes became misty. "I…I come up blank because I can't imagine life without you." She looked him in the eye as her lips slowly pressed against his.

As they kissed and looked into each others eyes, Adam moved his arms around her and sat up. His hands found her legs and moved them around him before he held her tightly against him and turned her so that she was lying on her back, and he was above her. Still, he gazed into her eyes, looking for something…anything that would tell him she wasn't being completely honest with him or herself. All he found was the look of a woman who, at this particular moment, would do anything to allay his own doubts. And she did.

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Shiloh had just put Abel in the high chair and was about to take Aaron from Amalee, when Adam walked up behind her, turned her around, wrapped her up in his arms and kissed her more completely than he'd ever done in front of anyone else. When the kiss was over, he watched her as he slowly moved away from her lips and found lips that were wearing a contented smile and eyes that were closed, remembering how he'd loved her.

Amalee and Angeline looked at each other with smiles. For each of them, it was easy to work for a husband and wife who seemed so in love with each other. Except when they weren't, and even then, they knew they really were.

Once everyone was seated and the prayer said, breakfast time was the same as it had always been, going over what everyone would be doing for the day. Shiloh asked Adam first.

"I'll be catching up today. I'll go see Micah first and check on the mine and the Flying W." He slightly shrugged. "See if there's anything he needs. I'm sure he'll need more square sets. Maybe invite them to dinner tomorrow night. You and Etta will have some catching up to do, I'm sure," he said, winking at Shiloh. "Then I'll ride over to the main house and see if there's anything specific I need to take care of for the Ponderosa. I thought I'd take Angeline out to the dairy and show her around, and maybe, Angeline, you can help me with the order for supplies. As soon as we have freezing temperatures in the high mountains, we'll start cutting and bringing down ice for the ice well," he said, looking over at Angeline. "The ice well should be big enough and the room deep enough in the mountain for the ice to last until the next year's freeze, even in our hottest summers."

"You built the cold room into a mountain?" asked Angeline. "That's perfect."

Nodding, Adam said, "You and I need to go into town and order the last of the equipment. And then, I'm home," he said, looking back at Shiloh with a smile. "I'll start getting my Slater and Cartwright work in order this evening. What about you?"

"I'll be spending most of the day unpacking, but I thought Amalee and I would go over to the Flying W to see Etta... and Micah, if he's there, and of course, Rachel," said Shiloh.

Adam smiled. "I'll hitch the buggy after breakfast and drive you over."

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Etta had just finished washing the breakfast dishes when she heard a buggy drive into the yard and looked out the kitchen window. A wide smile spread across her face as she yelled, "Micah! Adam and Shiloh are here!"

Micah and Rachel were upstairs in Rachel's bedroom looking for the book Rachel had been reading just before bedtime the night before. When they looked up at each other Micah's wide eyes made Rachel laugh before she began to jump up and down, exclaiming, "Uncle Adam and Aunt Shiloh are here! Can we go downstairs?"

Micah stood and grabbed the bedroom door knob, gently swinging the door open. "After you." When Rachel ran past him, he shouted after her, "Walk down those stairs, young lady!" then followed her.

Etta was almost at the front door, but Rachel whizzed past her and threw the front door open, jumping up and down in excitement.

Shiloh was already out of the buggy, and Adam had just passed Aaron to her, lifted Abel, and was helping Amalee down when he heard Rachel squeal.

The Whitneys met the Cartwrights at the buggy. While Etta went straight to Shiloh and embraced her and the baby, Adam squatted down, setting his oldest son's feet on the ground and reinforcing Abel as Rachel ran into him and wrapped her arms around him. Rachel's momentum knocked Adam to his behind, and the two children ended up on Adam's lap squealing in delight.

"Uncle Adam, Uncle Adam! I thought you never bring my Abel back!" exclaimed Rachel.

"You'd, Rachel," said Micah.

Rachel turned toward her father. "Huh?"

"I thought you'd never bring my Abel back," said Micah.

Adam's pleasure escaped as that high-pitched laugh he let out when he was fully invested in his amusement. "Imagine that. Micah Whitney correcting someone's grammar. I thought you hated when I did that."

"I did," said Micah with a smirk. "I still do...except when it's directed at my daughter."

Once on his feet, Adam said, "And you said marriage wouldn't change you," as he slapped Micah on the back and passed him on the way to the house.

Micah shook his head and snorted. "Marriage didn't change me. It was fatherhood that changed me," he said ever louder at Adam who was stepping through the front door.

As the men arrived in the kitchen where the ladies had gone, Etta asked, "You are staying for lunch, aren't you?"

"Of course," said Shiloh. Unless you want to go back to the Lake House and let Lo fix lunch so we can catch up. And you can meet Angeline."

"That's a great idea," said Micah. "Adam and I can join you when we get back from the mine."

"I can't spend the afternoon with you," said Adam, scratching his forehead. "I still need to go over to the Ponderosa."

"You don't have to catch up in one day. You and I have a lot to talk about," said Micah.

Adam's mouth formed an O. "Something wrong?"

"You could say that," said Micah.

"Shiloh, why don't you and Etta take Amalee and the children back to the house. We'll be there shortly," said Adam as he moved his hands to Shiloh's arms. He leaned in to kiss her and whispered, "I don't want the children listening to business, especially the problems." When Shiloh opened her mouth to speak, he kissed her again, following his kiss with raised brows.

"Fine." She turned and lifted Aaron off the floor. "Amalee, would you bring Abel?"

"Amalee, go ahead and get Rachel and Abel in the buggy," said Adam. "Shiloh and Etta will be out in a minute." He waited until he heard the front door close, then turned back to Shiloh. "What is it?"

"We just got home.

"And you knew I would have to do some catching up."

Shiloh pinched the bridge of her nose to which he wagged his head. It was slight, but it did wag a bit. "Catching up is one thing. Mine problems are quite another. Are you riding out to the mine?"

Adam folded his lips, remembering the infection that almost killed him the last time they had trouble at the mine. "Shiloh, the mine is up and running. The only problem lately is some uninvited guests."

She turned to leave and then stopped, speaking over her shoulder. "Will we ever be able to to come back home to peace and quiet?"

His brows curled. "On the Ponderosa? You know better than that." The corner of his mouth turned up, but she missed it, walking through the front door with Aaron in her arms and Etta following before he finished his last sentence.

In the buggy, Shiloh passed Aaron to Etta, then took the reins and sent the horses out of the yard. As Shiloh drove the horses ever closer to the Lake House, her smile faded. It seemed trouble had started before they'd even been home a full day.