Chapter 15 Voice of Padmé Amidala
"Don't be afraid."
I look up at him, my eyes filled with unshed tears. "I'm not afraid to die," I tell him quietly. "I've been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life."
He looks confused. "What are you talking about?" he asks me.
"I love you," I say simply. It feels so liberating to finally say it. If only I'd said it sooner, if only we had more time…
"You love me??" he asks me in surprise. He looks away, almost as though he's angry. "I thought that we had decided not to fall in love," he reminds me. "That we would be forced to live a lie, and it would destroy our lives."
"I think our lives are about to be destroyed anyway," I tell him. I look at him, wondering how I ever imagined that I could deny loving him. He's in my heart, my soul; I can't breathe that I don't think of him and want him near.
"I can't keep pretending anymore, Anakin, not now," I tell him. "I only wish that I'd had the courage to tell you before…before it was too late..." I stop as more tears spill out of my eyes. "I truly, deeply love you," I whisper. "And before we die I want you to know."
I turn over in my sleep, the dream shaking me from my slumber. That day seems such a short time ago; and yet it was almost twenty year now. The love we shared was so strong, so undeniable; what happened to it? I will never forgive that terrible day when I confronted Anakin on Mustafar, that day when my world was shattered forever. And yet, I remember telling Obi-Wan Kenobi that I knew there was good in him; did I mean it? Or was that simply wishful thinking?? I know what he has done, and I can only imagine what he has done in the past sixteen years. Has the Dark Side consumed him so completely now that there's nothing left of the good man he once was? I have to believe there is; otherwise living here will be unbearable.
Leia seems a little better this morning. I know she was crying a lot in the night; I feel so badly now that I let her talk me into going into the apartment. If I hadn't, then none of this would have happened. But then we would never have found Luke, so I have to believe that this is for the best. And that somehow I will find my Ani deep inside the man he's become.
"How did you sleep?" I ask my daughter as we sit down to eat breakfast.
"Not very well," she replies. "Too much on my mind I guess," she adds, pushing her eggs around on her plate.
"I can completely understand," I tell her. Luke enters the room at this point and helps himself to the breakfast I've replicated.
"Morning," he says with a smile. "I'm starved!"
Leia and I both smile.
"So how do you go to school while living on a star destroyer?" I ask him as we eat breakfast.
"Tutors," Luke informs me. "Droids mostly. It's kinda boring to tell you the truth. It will be nice to have a classmate," he adds, looking at Leia.
"Yes it will," Leia agrees. "I'm pretty tired of being tutored by myself too."
The door to our suite slides open, and Vader enters. I don't know how to address him now; I refuse to use the name Palpatine gave him, and yet he is not Anakin. For now I call him nothing; sooner or later I'll have to decide, though.
"Good morning," he says as he comes over to the table. "I trust I'm not intruding."
"Of course not," Luke replies. It's clear how comfortable Luke is with hs father already. I'm glad for this; I only hope Leia can learn to accept him as well in time. "Sit down and join us."
"Thank you Luke," Vader replies. "But I can't right now. I just came to tell you that we will be leaving the Capital. I have a mission in the Yavin System and we'll be getting underway very soon."
"What kind of mission?" I have the poor sense to ask.
Vader says nothing for a moment, and I regret asking immediately. "You needn't concern yourselves with that," he tells me. "Just know that I'll be on the planet surface for an extended period of time, so should you require anything you may ask my assistant. He's been given instructions to look after you in my absence."
"Thank you," I reply, not knowing what else to say. Something has been bothering me, and I decide to ask while it's still fresh in my mind. "Aren't you concerned about spies on board this ship?" I ask him. "Spies who are loyal to Palpatine?"
"I've already taken care of that," he tells me. "You don't need to worry, Padmé. You're safe here, I promise you."
I nod in response, not wanting to ask what 'taken care of' might mean. I have some idea, however, and it makes my blood run cold to think of it.
"When will you be back, Father?" Luke asks.
"I can't say," Vader replies. "I will contact you when I can."
"Okay," Luke says. "See you soon."
Vader leaves us, off to do Force knows what. Does Luke know what his father's place is in the galaxy? Does he know about the atrocities he committed in the past? He's so accepting of his father, so eager to kindle a relationship with him. Is it easier for him because he's ignorant of the past? Or does he sense something in Vader that I cannot see?
"Mother, I found a great online shopping site," Leia tells me. "You want to get some things?"
Since I only have the few items I brought with me from Alderaan, I'll have no choice but to take Vader up on his offer. "Yes I do," I reply, and stand up to join her.
Voice of Darth Vader
As my shuttle brings me to the planet surface, I pick up the datapad on the small table before me. The emperor has spies everywhere; there rare several reasons for this. Part of his is his paranoia; I know for a fact that he never sleeps, for he fears assassination. He's smart to be afraid. I know that there are spies whose sole job is to watch me. What Palpatine does not know, however, is that I have eliminated any of that particular branch of his spy network that I have encountered, including those who were on board my ship. My master seems to think me a fool; I am content to let him believe that. It's far easier that way. The largest part of his spy network has been dedicated to finding rogue Jedi, and over the past sixteen years they have proven most useful. It is from these spies that I have received word of a possible Jedi infestation on the planet .
My son asked me about the nature of my mission. He has asked me a great deal about my place in the Empire, and I have always been rather vague in my responses. It bothers me that I am uneasy with the truth; and I wonder why that is. I want Luke to become my apprentice once I have eliminated the emperor; he will need to know the truth of what I do. So why do I hesitate to tell him?
The shuttle lands and I stand up. I can feel an adrenaline rush as I summon the Force. It has been several months since I've faced a Jedi; they are all but extinct now. The day that they are gone forever is coming soon, the day when I finally get even with Kenobi for his treachery.
I am greeted on the landing platform by the commander of the clone squadron who has already reconnoitred the planet in advance.
"There's no doubt they're hiding someone, Lord Vader," the commander informs me. "We were ambushed when we arrived. I've already lost…"
"I'm not interested in your losses," I interject irritably. "I have a job to do." I walk away, leaving the clone happy that I spared his life.
The building where the renegades are holding up is scarred with laser fire, most of the windows broken. We're in an old part of the city, in a remote, sparsely populated region where most of the inhabitants have moved on to better surroundings. No doubt the Jedi felt that they would go unnoticed here; they didn't count on my resourcefulness obviously.
"Surrender yourselves, Jedi," I call out as I enter the large, high ceilinged room. I get no reply, which doesn't surprise me, so I send the clones on up the narrow stairway at the side of the room. I follow them, lightsaber ready. It isn't long before the sound of blaster fire is heard and I know that my quarry is near.
There is a small room at the top of the stairs, and inside there are already several clones lying dead on the floor. On the far side of the room a makeshift barricade has been set up using the remnants of furniture.
"Show yourself Jedi," I shout into the din. "There is no way out for you and your traitorous allies."
"You're the traitor, Vader!" I hear in response. It is a woman's voice. "You'll pay for what you did to the Jedi Order!"
I've heard this before, many times; and her words do little to daunt me or dissuade me from my task.
"Bold words from someone who hasn't the courage to face their foe," I retort. I call off the clones. "This is between you and I, Jedi."
"Like hell it is," she replies. "You're the coward Vader," she adds. "You wouldn't have the nerve to walk in here without a squadron of your death troops."
Again, I've heard this before. "Surrender now or die," I tell her, giving her one last chance. She says nothing in response, and makes no move to show herself. And so I'm left no alternative.
"Burn it," I tell the commander of the squadron, and then head down the stairs. Most of the clones follow me as a handful remain behind to lay down a trail of plasma fuel around the room. Once this is done, they all head downstairs, the last one turning to ignite the fuel. It goes up quickly, engulfing the room quickly with flames. The clones and I vacate the building quickly before the fire spreads downstairs. Just being close to fire now makes me extremely uneasy. As we move away from in inferno, I can feel the death screams of the Jedi left behind, and I stop in my tracks. The pain I will never forget, the pain I wake up to every day and have nightmares about every night is unlike anything imaginable. I know the Jedi is suffering horribly. Oh well- I did give her a chance to surrender.
"Wait for the fire to burn out and then search the rubble," I tell the commander. "I want your men to comb the entire area, within a ten kilometre area," I continue. "Just in case she managed to get out."
"Yes sir," the commander replies as I walk away. I know she is dead now; there is no way anyone could have escaped the inferno we trapped her in. Still, I've learned from the past to be thorough, and have been punished by my master for not being thorough enough. I head to the shuttle to wait for the clones do to their work, vaguely disappointed that I didn't get to cross blades with my foe this time. She may have had allies though- there is still work to be done here.
"Father? Are you okay?"
The sound of my son's voice on my comlink startles me from my dark musings.
"Yes Luke," I tell him. "What are you doing up at this hour?" I ask, realizing that it is well past midnight.
"I had a bad dream about you," he tells me. "I was worried."
The love behind my son's words moves me; but more than that, I feel it pushing the darkness inside of me aside, forcing its way inside my battered heart.
"No need," I assure him. "Go back to sleep. I'll see you soon."
I sense his scepticism, but he says nothing to challenge me. "Okay," he replies finally. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight son," I reply. "Sleep well." I close the transmission and sit in wonderment for a few moments. Even though we've only been together less than a month, the connection between my son and I is already a powerful one. I have no doubt that he sensed the uneasiness I experienced when I was close to the fire- and it manifested itself into a nightmare. He can feel what I feel- the bond that was denied us so long is growing stronger every day. I only hope that my daughter will grow to accept me as Luke has, and that one day she and I will share the same bond.
"Lord Vader, our scouts have finished their search."
I look up to see the commander standing before me.
"Very well," I reply, standing up. "Let's see what we're dealing with."