Disclaimer: I don't own anything from The Outsiders movie or book.
If this chapter is confusing and you need a little help just comment or message me. I'll do what I can to help everyone understand. It might be a while before I post the next chapter. Hope everyone enjoys.
(Language, suicidal themes in this chapter)
The Italicized and underlined is her subconscious. It's not real, if anyone was wondering.
Life Goes On
Good Moods and Sunshine
"Hey, Ponyboy." my kid brother looked up from his book that rested on his stomach. He laid in my bed as I walked from the bathroom with a towel over my wet head. His eyes glanced at me in question as I leaned into the bed frame. Ruffling my hair with the towel, I looked off into the distance.
"How many days has it been since…" he interrupted me, already knowing what I was asking. It had been the fourth time in the last day that I've checked with him if the number was true."Eight." I opened my mouth, going to ask if he was sure. "Yes, I'm sure. Now quite asking me that."
"I just can't believe it, Pony." I sat down on the bed, next to his feet. When I glanced at Pony, he was reading his book again. He knew I couldn't believe it had been eight days since I've had an attack. Ponyboy has listened to me ramble and go on about my disbelief. I thank God that he has the patience to listen to me. Sodapop would too, but he has to work tonight, Ponyboy is the next best thing. Don't get me wrong, Darry is great, but he doesn't understand as much as they do.
"I love you, Ponyboy." it was barely a whisper as I laid down next to my younger brothers legs. I laid on my side, staring at the empty corner with ease. Pony reached down to me. With my right hand, I grabbed a hold of his warm hand not wanting to let go. He whispered just as quietly as I did."Love you too." I knew he did, it's just nice to hear it sometimes. Kissing the back of his hand, I let my head rest on the mattress next to his torso. Today I was in much better spirits that a week ago. I'm eating again, no longer suicidal. Ruth took another scan of my brain, the day after I freaked out. She said it wasn't my fault that I was loosing control of myself. The data showed that I was literally, not in my right mind. It's not exactly a happy thought, to be told your crazy I mean. But I already knew that, so I guess I'm just shit outta luck.
"When I want you in my arms. When I want you and all your charms. Whenever I want you, all I have to do is drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream." I sang happily to myself and Pony. He tightened his grip on my hand, remembering the song.
"When I feel blue in the night, and I need you to hold me tight. Whenever I want you, all I have to do is drea-ea-ea-ea-eam. I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine. Anytime night or day. Only trouble is, gee whiz, I'm dreamin' my life away." I could hear Darry's large boots walking down the hallway from the food room. Ponyboy scooted over so that the both of us were fully on the bed. It was a lot more comfortable so I was glad he moved. He let my lay my head onto his shoulder, even if my hair was wet. Smiling, I looked at the door as Darry walked through the door with Two-bit on his toes.
"I need you so that I could die. I love you so and that is why. Whenever I want you, all I have to do is drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream, drea-ea-ea-ea-eam. I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine. Anytime night or day. Only trouble is, gee whiz, I'm dreamin' my life away." Ponyboy tapped his foot as sang sweetly to the two boys entering the room.
"Yeah, she's singin'" Two-bit almost cheered as he went to sit on the couch across from the bed. A huge grin graced his face as he looked at me excitedly. Darry chuckled as he handed Ponyboy his Pepsi and sat down in the chair next to the bed.
"I need you so that I could die. I love you so and that is why. Whenever I want you, all I have to do is. Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream. Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream." I finished the song and laid my cheek on Ponyboy's chest. His heart was beating heavily against his chest, causing my cheek to move up and down. It was a nice rhythmic sound that relaxed me even further. Reluctantly, I sat up to toss my towel back into the bathroom. While I was in there, I cleaned up the rest of my clothes and placed them into the corner. Two-bit yelled to me from outside of the room, peeking his head in.
"Dally should be here with Johnny." he told me as I turned to find a huge grin on his face. "You should sing to him."
"I will." I answered, smiling back. "Do you remember your song?"
"Hell yeah, I do." Two-y said proudly. Stepping forward towards Two-bit, I leaned into the doorway. Giving him a crazed look, I shook my hips and began his song with glee.
"You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain. Too much love drives a man insane. You broke my will, oh what a thrill. Goodness gracious great balls of fire." Two-bit took my hands, laughing crazily and joining into the song.
"I learned to love all of Hollywood money. You came along and you moved me honey. I changed my mind, looking fine. Goodness gracious great balls of fire." Darry and Ponyboy laughed as the two of us shook and sang the song loudly.
"You kissed me baba, woo...it feels good. Hold me baba, learn to let me love you like a lover should. Your fine, so kind. I'm a nervous world that your mine, mine, mine, mine-ine." Two-bit and I swung back and forth, letting my wet hair slap water all over the walls. I giggled at Two-bit's crazy smile and his imitation of Jerry Lee Lewis. He stuck his fingers out in the air, pretending to play the piano loudly.
"Cut my nails and I quiver my thumb. I'm really nervous but it sure is fun. Come on baba, you drive me crazy. Goodness gracious great balls of fire. Well kiss me baba, woo-oooooo...it feels good. Hold me baba, I want to love you like a lover should. Your fine, so kind. I got this world that your mine, mine, mine, mine-ine."
"Woo!" Pony hollered, clapping his hands into a perfect rhythm. I turned as I heard another pair of hands from the doorway. Johnny sat smiling into the room with Dallas leaning against the doorway. Glancing at Two-bit, he smiled at me and nodded. Throwing my arms up, I created an air guitar for Johnny. Tossing my hips back and forth, I started to sing Johnny's song with pride.
"Deep down in Louisiana close to New Orleans. Way back up in the woods among the evergreens. There stood a log cabin made of earth and wood. Where lived a country boy named Johnny B. Goode. Who never ever learned to read or write so well. But he could play the guitar just like a ringin' a bell." the room erupted into claps and smiles as I sang. Johnny came more into the room with the help of Dallas. Even he was smiling and clapping with Johnny B. Goode rhythm. Everyone soon sang the chorus as I joined into their clapping.
" Go, go, go Johnny go, go." we repeated as Two-bit came over to spin me around in his arms. "Johnny B. Goode"
I seized the singing to giggle and give Johnny a big hug. "I'm glad you came Johnnycakes."
"Me too. That was some singin'." he commented as Darry agreed.
"Sure is, I haven't seen you this happy since last year when you found out you made the gymnastics team." good times, I thought. Old times."How about your song Dar?" I asked with a smile. He had two songs, because that was just the way it was. Dad decided that Darry's song would be by someone the both of them loved, Bo Diddley. Darry listened to them when he was a kid almost as much as he breathed air. Dad thought that Road Runner was his song because it was one of Darry's favorites. But Mom thought differently. When Darry was around the age of eight, he really started to act as though he was older. Mom would tease him for always trying to act older even though he was just a kid, so she gave him the song I'm A Man by Bo Diddley.
"Now when I was a little boy, at the age of five. I had somethin' in my pocket. Keep a lot of folks alive. Now I'm a man, made twenty-one. You know baby, We can have a lot of fun." I sang to Darry with a smile on my face and a beat on my leg. He nodded his head sharing a bright grin with me.
"I'm a man, I spell M-A-N...man. All you pretty women. Stand in line, I can make love to you baby. In an hour's time. I'm a man, I spell M-A-N...man. I goin' back down, to Kansas too. Bring back the second cousin, Little John the conqueroo." singing, I swaggered over to the couch and plopped down throwing my arms in the air.
"I'm a man, I spell M-A-N...man. The line I shoot, will never miss. The way I make love to 'em, They can't resist. I'm a man, I spell M-A-N...man." I chuckled as I let my head fall back onto the back of the couch. The room went silent, so I glanced over at everyone.
"I love you guys." I said trying to share my magnificent mood with everyone. I'm not sure what everyone would have said, but Paige came and poked her head in the room."How ya doing?" she asked me looking passed all the boys.
"Great." I answered truthfully.
"Sorry gentlemen, but it's time for Lucy's to go talk with Ruth." I didn't bother to put my shoes on as I walked throughout the room to leave. Giving the guys a smile and a wave, I left not knowing who would still be there when I was done with my daily session Ruth. Paige walked down the hall next to me, waving to me as she turned the corner. Without knocking, I busted right into Ruth's room and sat down on the leather chair with my legs crossed.
"Hey Ruth." I said still in a great mood."Oh, you seem happy." she commented, shuffling through some paper work.
"I am. I was singing and dancing around with the guys. I'm so glad they visit now, it makes me feel a lot more at home." Ruth nodded her head, not really listening to what I said. It sort of annoyed me but I didn't mention it.
"Had any episodes lately?"
"None since the week long one." she nodded again offhandedly.
"That's wonderful dear." I nodded to her as she looked up from her desk finally.
"So, do you think I might be able to leave this place anytime soon?" I was blunt and straight forward. I was tired of being in this damn mental hospital, I want out.
"No, dear." I glared at her head, waiting for it to explode, but nothing happened. She just continued to look through and write on the papers scattered on her desk. Patiently, I waited for her to continue. Ruth made no other comment except for 'No, dear'.
"Why the hell not?" I asked finally loosing my patients.
"Calm down, Lucy. Remember what we talked about the other day.." I rolled my eyes and muttered my answer.
"Lashing out is a sign of weakness. Control your emotions and you control yourself…yeah I know." I defended my point though. "I'm a mental teenage girl…I have the right to lash out at people."
"You do not dear." she didn't get that I was joking, trying to change my thinking.
"Okay, okay. Well, I still don't see why I can't leave. It's been eight days since I've had an attack. That's making progress."
"But your percentage hasn't gone down at all. You could still loose consciousness at any moment, be down for more than just a week this time. Is that what you want?" I shook my head no, but my heart was saying yes. Standing up, I started to walked towards the door.
"Where are you going?"
"Back to my room, we are done for today." she sighed, waving me to leave. Once I was in the hallway, I put my new plan into action. Slowly, sneakily; I made my way to the elevator. Checking to see if the coast was clear, I jumped inside and pocked the button for the lobby. There was a huge, goofy smile on my face as the elevator traveled down. I just have moments until I'm out of this building and smelling the fresh air.
Looking left and right, I made sure I was able to get to the front door without a problem. Casually, I walked to the large, clear double doors. They slid open as two ladies walked in carrying a bundle of flowers. Taking a deep breath, I took my time to get out the door. I could already feel the light breeze on my face. The moment my bare feet touched the warm ground, I let a smile fall onto my lips.
I walked down the cement pathway to the parking lot just in front of the building. The second I spotted Darry's truck, I sped up. Walking over to it, I felt like hugging it almost. I loved this truck. With little effort, I heaved myself into the bed of the truck. There were cement bags that I happily sat on and leaned on the back window. Leaning my head back, I closed my eyes.
Inhaling hair through my nose, I relaxed even more. Being outside was much more than I thought it would be. It was like having a humongous pressure being lifted from my body. The wind blew through my damp hair and gave me chills. The sun's rays beat down on my white skin, warming me timidly. Clouds moved in front of the sun, but I didn't care. Everything was perfect out here. I wanted to stay out here for the rest of my life. Holding onto this moment of serenity and peace, I sighed.
"What the fuck are you doing out here?" Dallas. Fucking. Winston. I jumped at the sound of his voice.