{Author's note: I decided to do something different with this chapter, in order to give you guys more of an insight into the characters. The second portion of this one will be done in Jacob's POV. When I started the story I was completely against switching POVs but in this case I think it was necessary. I hope you guys like the switch-up. Also – neither of my betas are around and honestly I couldn't wait to post this chapter, so if there are errors I'm sure they'll let me know when they're able to read through it. I did proof read it myself several times however, so I think we should be good.
LilliNealy: Thank you for your review and your interest in the story. The comment you made about Jake calling Bella "honey" got me thinking and I did a little research. For some reason that pet-name had always stuck out to me and I wasn't sure at first if that was due to other fanfiction I'd read, or if he'd actually called her that at some point in the story. I think it was both but I found that he did, on chapter 13 of New Moon, page 309. The quote is here: "Bella, honey, we only protect people from one thing—our one enemy. It's the reason we exist—because they do." So I'm sorry if it seems out of character for Jake, like I said it stuck out to me when I started the story. Again, thanks for reviewing. :]
Reviews on this chapter would be TREMENDOUS. I worked harder on this one than I have any other chapters, and it was really personal for me to write. Thank you again to all who're reading.
WARNING: Somewhat excessive swear words in this chapter, I apologize in advance if you're offended, and if it makes you uncomfortable please don't read.
This chapter is not fluff and happiness, infact it's basically the opposite, I hope you guys don't hate me too much for it! Enjoy.}
Thirteen days. That's how long it'd been since I'd seen or even spoken to Jacob. He never showed up the next day after work like he promised, and when I called his cell-phone it went straight to voicemail. I tried to reach him through his home phone but every time I called, Billy answered feeding me "explanations" centering around Jake's illness, which apparently kept him from even shooting me a text just to let me know what was going on. The story was that Jake had mono and was bed-ridden, while it was somewhat believable given the state he was in when he left my house the night of my birthday, the part I couldn't trust was that he was too ill to even contact me. Jake and I had barely gone hours without speaking the entire time we were together; even during school we were texting one another. How long did mono usually last, anyway? And if he really had gotten incredibly ill in the span of 24 hours, why had Embry spotted Jake at school the next day? Furthermore, why was Jake ignoring his presence as if he didn't exist? I guess it helped that it wasn't just me, but not enough to matter.
I'd spent all of my free time over the past two weeks attempting to get a hold of him. I was dodged every single time. My frustration was growing into pissed-off pretty quickly. Had I done something wrong? Was Jake tired of me already? My self-esteem had reached an all time low; if you didn't want anything to do with a person, wouldn't letting them know be the decent thing to do? I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea that two days after he told me he was in love with me, he was avoiding me like the plague. It hurt, a lot, and it was beginning to take a serious toll on me. Charlie was worried but he was even less successful than I was at figuring out what was going on, and the entire situation was killing me.
It was 3:00 on a Friday afternoon, and I'd just about hit my breaking point. I was determined to at least get some answers, even if I didn't necessarily want to hear them. Jake was my boyfriend …at least he had been the last time I saw him and if nothing else I deserved to know why he was shutting me out.
Looking down at my wrist, I ran my fingertips along the little wolf hanging from the bracelet Jake had given me for my birthday. I was pretty much over the fact that he didn't want to see me, I was going to figure out what was going on one way or the other. He'd said loved me, and he knew that I loved him… I just couldn't figure out why he was keeping things from me. Billy, bless his soul, was a horrible liar, and every time he came up with another excuse as to why Jake couldn't talk to me, I saw right through it. It was time to go straight to the source.
Grabbing my keys from the desk, I threw on a jacket and headed down the stairs. Charlie was still at work, so I locked the door behind me and ran to the truck. I was glad he wasn't home, as he probably would've tried to stop me, telling me that Jake would come around in time and explain. I wasn't willing to wait anymore.
As the truck pulled into driveway of the Blacks' residence, I turned it off hastily and jogged up the familiar steps of their front porch. Billy was at the door in seconds, probably anticipating that at some point I was going to get fed up and make an appearance at their home.
"He's asleep, Bella, and he really shouldn't have any visitors." I shook my head, apologizing, as I pushed past his chair.
"I really have to speak to him." I called as I made my way down the hallway toward his bedroom. I was surprised when I'd found an empty room, Jake was obviously not sleeping and I still didn't have any answers. I sighed, running my hands through my hair, frustrated.
"Why won't he talk to me? Why do you keep lying to me? Why isn't anyone telling me what's going on?" My voice had risen a bit toward the end of my questioning, and Billy looked thoroughly uncomfortable by both my presence, and my annoyance.
"Those are all things that need to be answered by Jake, when he decides it's the right time."
"Is he going to break up with me?" The words were out of my mouth before I realized, and my legs felt weak and shaky underneath me. I leaned against the wall leading into the living room, taking a deep breath, a feeble attempt to calm myself.
"Let's go outside, Bella." I looked up as Jake spoke, Billy excusing himself quickly and making a beeline for the other room.
He looked fine, different but definitely not sick. He was shirtless, and man, I thought he'd been big before… now he was huge. Jake had grown a lot in two weeks. He stood at least five inches taller, his body was more defined, and he'd apparently gone out and got a tattoo on his shoulder. What the hell kind of screwed up time warp had I just stepped into?
"Bella, come on." I shuddered at his cold tone as he dragged me away from my thoughts. I followed him out the door, shutting it gently behind me as he paced back and forth in front of his house. "You shouldn't have come here." His tone hadn't changed, and he whirled around to face me half way through speaking. I didn't even know where to begin. My anger was going to get the best of me if he kept the conversation going like this. Jake had never seen me angry, but there was a first time for everything, right?
"You shouldn't have avoided me for two weeks either, but hey, we both make mistakes." It'd come out more snotty than I'd originally intended, but at the time I hadn't cared.
He stepped forward quickly, his body now inches from mine. I reached out hesitantly to touch him, my fingers caressing his chest and sliding over his collar bone. His face changed, his features morphing into a more relaxed expression. He sighed and I saw his eyes close for a split second before he grabbed my hand, stopping my ministrations. I looked up into his eyes, trying to explain without words how scared, hurt, and betrayed I felt. I moved closer to him, my focus never straying from his gaze. He didn't look like the Jake I'd fallen in love with, and the thought petrified me.
Without thinking about it, I'd wrapped the hand Jake wasn't currently holding, around the back of his neck and pulled him in to kiss me. His arms flew around my waist instantaneously and I took comfort in the fact that he was still affected by my touch. He returned the kiss urgently, his teeth nipping at my bottom lip in a manner that was almost too rough. I pulled him tighter against me, now having both arms free as he shoved me against the side of the house, his body covering mine and our lips never once separating. I was lost in the feel of him pressed firmly against me, my brain had shut down and all I could do at that point was rely on instinct. His hands had started making their way up the back of my shirt, and the sensation as they caressed over my bare skin was slowly driving me to insanity. A moan escaped from my lips and I heard him grunt into my mouth in response.
I was brought crashing back down to earth when with lightning speed he detached our limbs and stood in front of me, staring harshly at the ground. "I can't do this, Bella. We can't. I should've told you before, but it doesn't matter now." He was breathing heavily and avoiding my eyes, still recovering from the intensity of the moment we'd just shared.
I was in shock. I didn't understand what he was saying or why. The way he'd kissed me had proven to me that he still cared, still wanted us, on some level. You don't just ignore that type of passion, you can't. I couldn't. I wanted him, right then and there, in the field behind his house if that was how it had to be.
"What?" was the only thing I managed reply.
"I don't… I don't want this." I couldn't get over the tone he was using, so casual, like he wasn't currently tearing my world apart. My stomach dropped, I felt like I was going to vomit. My hands shot up to my face, rubbing my temples furiously. I was thinking about sex with him and he was breaking up with me. None of this made any damn sense.
"You don't want me?" I choked on every word, barely making it through the question.
Despite the way our talk was going, I still hadn't expected the answer he provided.
"No, I don't." Tears sprang to my eyes immediately as I focused my attention on the ground below our feet. I couldn't look at him; the last thing I wanted was to see pity etched across his face.
What changed? What had I done wrong? Why was he just now seeing that I wasn't good enough for him? How could I have let myself do such a stupid thing, falling for him? I wanted to say something, anything. I wanted to scream until my voice became hoarse. I wanted to beg him to make me understand, to tell me where I'd screwed up… but I couldn't verbalize a single thought.
The clouds had opened up and rain was pouring over us, soaking me through my clothes (and what little he was wearing). I couldn't help but think that it was incredibly fitting for the current circumstance. I let the drops cascade down my face, almost grateful for their presence, as they covered up the tears I didn't want him to see.
"You need to leave." I looked up at his face and broke. He was completely void of emotion. He'd just ripped my heart from my chest and he held the expression of someone making small talk about the weather. I wanted to hate him in that moment, loathe him with every fiber of my being, but my heart, despite being in pieces, still belonged to him.
I swallowed my pride and turned to leave, whispering "I love you" just loud enough so that he'd hear. He didn't reply and I ran to my truck, speeding out of there as fast as the engine would allow. As soon as I hit the main road, I was forced to pull over. The tears were streaming from my eyes now and that coupled with the increasing rain, I was no longer able to see the road in front of me. I sat there, gripping the steering wheel painfully, for what had seemed like hours. My phone rang several times, but I ignored it, already knowing who the caller was. I'm sure Billy had gotten a hold of Charlie to let him know what happened, and I just wasn't in the state to speak to anyone, much less about this.
Turning the truck off, I slid out and slammed the door, tucking the keys into my pocket. I needed to walk, clear my head, attempt to make sense of what just happened. The sun which had been shining despite the storm was starting to set as I made my way into the forest from the side of the highway. I'd always been afraid to walk through these trees by myself, but right now fear was the furthest thing from my mind.
"Damnit, Jacob. Just let me hate you!" I screamed at the sky.
My breaths were coming out in shallow gasps, every one of my limbs shaking from the cold I couldn't feel. I was a total mixture of contradicting emotions and the confusion was tearing at my insides. Stumbling over a rock I was too absorbed in thought to notice, I tripped and rolled across the scattered twigs that littered the forest's floor. I laid there panting for a moment, eventually giving up my attempt to stop the sobs that were catching in my throat.
I felt like I couldn't breathe. Like I was going to explode from the inside out, like everything in my world that had once made so much sense, had been ripped away from me. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to move from my current spot. I tucked my arms up around my legs, and positioned myself in a fetal position as I let the emotion pour from me.
Jacob's POV:
The pain that crossed her face in that moment was almost more than I could handle. I nearly lost it and gave away the façade I was so desperately clinging to. The second she'd kissed me I knew if I didn't get out of there as soon as possible, I'd fall apart and beg her to forgive me for hurting her so that we could start over. I couldn't do that, not to her. I wouldn't allow another person I loved to be hurt because of this fucking curse that was inflicted on my tribe. As much as it gutted me to end our relationship, it wasn't something I could avoid anymore. I'd been going over every possible outcome throughout the last two weeks and everyone I'd come up with was selfish, except this one. Losing her was absolutely devastating, but I couldn't allow her to be thrust into my world, not with what I know now.
Seeing her cry nearly brought me to my knees, literally. I held onto the emotionless expression for dear life while she pulled out of my driveway, and once I heard the truck turning down the street I was finally able to let go. My knees buckled, my legs giving out under my weight as I hit the ground with force that for a normal person would've been incredibly painful. I wasn't normal, though, apparently, and even If I had been, I sincerely doubted that in that moment I would have felt anything.
Bella was everything to me, my world… the very reason I woke up every single morning with a smile on my face. She'd kept me sane, strong, and level-headed. She balanced me out, understood me, and loved me so unconditionally. I never should've allowed her to involve herself with me - if only I'd known what the hell was going to happen when I did. It was a stupid idea to try to avoid her forever, I knew that. Bella was persistent and logical and anything that didn't make sense to her, she'd figure out a way to make it make sense. Of course, that'd mean coming to me for answers. I was expecting it, and I knew it was only a matter of time before she came by the house, but what I wasn't expecting was the impact her closeness would have on me. I suppressed the urge to touch her for all of five seconds before she broke through my defenses and I was unable to stop myself from reciprocating.
As soon as I'd seen her, leaning up against the wall in my living room, my entire world came into focus. I'd had complete tunnel vision, unable to tear my eyes away from the beauty (both internal and external) she possessed. My heart was beating at an unhealthy pace, and it was all I could do to keep myself from marching over to her, wrapping her in my embrace. A string of curse words flooded into my brain as the realization of what just happened dawned on me. The one girl I wanted away from me and my "new life" was the only girl I'd ever be able to love. Imprinting on her seriously screwed up the plans I'd been making to keep her out of danger.
I had an apartment set up and waiting for me in Portland in Billy's name. The owner of the auto shop I worked at had spoken to a friend of his as a personal favor to me, and I was due to start working next week. I was going to attend college there in the fall, and get the hell off this reservation and out of Bella's life as quickly as possible. I didn't want to be a damn wolf, and I certainly had no inclination to stay and be apart of Sam's pack - I wanted to live my life as normally as possible without worrying about any of the crap that came along with my new shape shifting abilities.
Now it seemed as if I was stuck within a twenty mile's radius of wherever she was. Imprinting was a truly screwed up process, basically forcing the imprinter to stay near the imprintee, or else they'd wither away and die – at least that was my understanding of the whole thing. The idea that we really had no choice in who we fell in love with or where we lived our lives after imprinting was enough to make me physically ill. I suppose I wasn't like most of the wolves who'd found their imprint, though, as I'd never heard stories of anyone fighting against that, whether to keep their loved one safe or not. It didn't matter to me, however, because even if I was stuck on the reservation with painful memories of our time together, knowing Bella was always close enough for me to run to, I'd endure it. I had to.
At least I'll have a nice last memory of her, I thought bitterly. I could only imagine the confusion going on in her head right now. Everyone in the tribe had felt it was their place to tell me that what I was doing was a bad idea. Sam, in super Alpha mode, was afraid the pain of losing her was going to distract me from my "duties". Emily had tried to talk me out of my decision but talking to her usually meant looking at her face and that was the last thing that would make me choose to keep Bella in my life. When Sam had phased for the first time, he'd been too close to his fiancé/imprint Emily and not understanding at all what was happening, she'd been attacked in the process, her face forever showing the damage of the power we possessed. They had one little argument and when his temper got the best of him, he'd lost it. I could not, and would not risk putting Bella in that kind of danger, ever. She meant more to me than selfishness; if something happened to her I would never be able to forgive myself.
I could hear that her truck had come to a stop further up the road, and after a few minutes she'd gotten out, shutting the door forcefully behind her. I didn't understand what reason she'd have for stopping on the side of the road; there weren't any businesses or stores along that strip of highway. It was pouring down rain and she was walking into the woods? That made no sense to me. Bella would never go walking through there by herself, especially in the middle of a rainstorm. I stood up, brushing the gravel from my knees as I headed into the forest myself. I needed to make sure that she got home safely, one way or another.
She was mumbling angrily under her breath, and my sensitive ears allowed me to overhear as she cursed me aloud. I rubbed the building moisture from my eyes when I heard a loud thud followed by nosy sobbing. I hung my head; ashamed that I'd caused the woman I loved so much pain. I kept my ears open, ensuring that she hadn't hurt herself, and relaxed when I wasn't able to detect a scent of blood in the air. She hadn't moved, instead laying there in the crumpled leaves, breathing deeply. I wanted so badly to run over to her and comfort her, tell her that I loved her and there was nothing that would keep the two of us apart. It took everything I had to stay planted where I was standing, head in my hands, crying openly against the bark of an overgrown tree.
Minutes passed and she made no move to stand, and from what I could hear it sounded as if she was unconscious. I moved closer to where she was laying - needing to see for myself that she was okay and had just cried herself to sleep. I stifled a gasp as I took in the scene before me; she was curled up in a ball, tears still staining her pale cheeks, with her arms wrapped securely around her legs. Her expression was troubled and full of sorrow even as she slept, and my heart felt like dead weight in my chest. I knew Charlie would be worried, but she was safe as long as I was nearby, so I jogged back over to my original spot, sitting up against that same tree, drawing my knees up to my chest. I'd stay in those woods keeping an eye on her as long as I needed to, letting her deal with her grief in whatever way she chose, so long as it wasn't harmful to herself or anyone else. I realized how much of a jackass I sounded even in my own head, but the reality of the situation was that there wasn't an easy solution, and for me this was the only one that made sense.
I closed my eyes and rested my head on my kneecaps, the kiss that took place between us in the yard replaying over and over in my mind. I could still feel her eager lips pressed up against mine with force and urgency I'd never expected from Bella. She'd been wearing my bracelet, probably never took it off, and it was digging into the skin of my neck as I trapped her between my body and the back wall of my house. I'd welcomed the pain the action caused, knowing that as soon as I'd mustered the strength to push myself away from her, my world was going to fall apart.
My cell phone vibrated in the pocket of my cut-off jean shorts, and I flipped it open, revealing an obviously concerned text message from my dad. It was still hard for me to get used to the idea that my dad owned a cell phone, much less knew how to operate it, and I explained the situation to him in as little detail as I could before closing it again.
Things were never going to be the same between Bella and me, hell, I was never going to be the same, and the realization of that statement had turned my entire world upside down. At this point all I could hope for was that she'd let sleeping dogs lie (literally, hah) and move on. Maybe find herself a nice, normal boy like Mike Newton (damn, that idea bugged the hell out of me) and be happy. We hadn't been dating very long but it'd taken her all of twenty-four hours after coming back into my life, to cause me to fall absolutely in love with her. Now that I'd imprinted on her, it was set in stone – she was my soul mate, my other half. Being without her was going to hurt like hell for the rest of my life, but it was something I had to live with.
My dad didn't agree with my choice, but he supported me in whatever decision I felt was best. He kept telling me that a sixteen year old "boy" shouldn't have had to deal with the consequences that came along with being apart of our tribe, and apologized for not being able to do more to help. I'd laughed then, telling him that it wasn't his fault, it was their's. Evil fucking blood suckers had moved into our town again and wrecked everything I had going for me. I'd transformed into a monster and now I had nothing, all because of their existence. When Sam had explained the entirety of our situation to me, it took everything I had not to break their door down and rip their heads off right then and there. I didn't care about the stupid treaty our forefathers had made with them; all that mattered to me was the loss I'd suffered, and the pain I had to inflict on Bella because of them.
I couldn't remove the image of the dejected expression her face held as she turned away from me and sped out of my driveway. The one thing I'd never understand is how she could possibly believe for a second that I wouldn't want her, even if I had told her that. Bella had never seen herself the way other people did; she was easily the smartest, funniest, and most beautiful girl I'd ever known. At 12 years old she had already been the center of my universe, and it looked like that was never going to change. At some point it would get easier, right? It fucking had to.
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