So this is it. The final battle. We have to fight Ultimecia and save our world, or else perish in the realm of Time Compression. I never did get what that meant. Time Compression? Like the past, present and future all together? Then I wonder if somewhere in here I can see all of my relatives. My Great Granddaddy Phinneas Kinneas, the horrible drunkard. My Uncle Daniel Kinneas who fought for Galbadia to make all Galbadians free. [Authors Note: If you don't get the reference, don't ask.

My question is, how does this woman have a massive castle in the middle of nowhere if Time is supposed to be Compressed into one? I guess she hired every contractor that ever lived to build it for her. Still, I'm surprised she got it done so quick. I like the chains. It's a nice touch. It must have been built by giant men who lived in the future. Or past. I forget how this thing works.

And this interior is something else, now that I've walked in. Hey? What's up? I can't use any of my spells or skills! It must be because of the Time Compression. Or maybe it's a sorcery seal. Well it seems like the logical action is to take out every enemy in the castle.

Okay this first one looks pretty simplistic. What's with that face. It looks like a mix between a tiger and a kabuki player. Oh well. KABOOM! BLAM! Alright down you go! Hey, now I can use my GF again. That's convenient.

Okay, cross this catwalk and. AAAH! Crap, it's a chandelier. Well, was a chandelier. Now it's broken. Oh well. Might as well see what's underneath this trapdoor! Flier! Crap another monster alright then! BOOM BABY! Hahaha. I am so damned cool. Alright, now we can use Magic again.

Now you two gents and Rinoa can stand on that switch while Quistis, Selphie and I go take care of whatever is beyond that catwalk. Oh, it's an ice monster. Well you know what I say to that right? FLARE! Ooh, It's all wet now. Heheh. Cold and wet Quistis and Selphie. Hey, I can Draw again.

Okay so we're going around now to this corridor. It's covered in paintings. Wow, they're pretty. I can't read the language, but that doesn't matter. Um. I wonder what this big one is. Hey, it looks like a messenger sleeping in a garden. What the heck? Monster! Draw Meltdown! BLAM! This monster hunting is so friggin stupid. I can Limit Break again? Okay that's awesome because I'm so sick of this!

Ooh, a monster hiding in a coffin? PULSE AMMO! BAAAAM! You're dead. Items back, who cares because I'm gonna find this weird thing hiding in an Armory. PULSE AMMO! BAAAM! Another one bites the dust. Command Actions back, I couldn't care less. A dragon that looks like Bahamut? I don't give a rats ass. PULSE AMMO! BAAAAM! Alright, nice nice. Ressurection back. That's handy. There's still one more enemy to defeat and then we'll be back to normal.

Hey this is a nice dungeon. What the heck? The door sealed shut behind us? We're trapped in here. Wow Selphie seems to be admiring those chains on the wall. Say Selphie, since we're probably gonna die anyways… I'm proud of you Irvine. No situation is so dire that you can't still have perverted thoughts.

Whoa! That's a big giant! We kill him, grab the key and get outta here. KABOOM! Alright then, now we can save and challenge the final boss. Wow, that's interesting. Like an out of game experience.

Okay, this is it. Ultimecia. You know what? It's Irvine time.

Utlimecia, you don't wanna destroy the world. You just need a little companionship. Maybe I can show you what you need. Heheh. Oh fine, summon a giant lion faced GF to shut me up. That's uncalled for. And I thought we were getting along.

Excuse me, fangy, did you just blow up my magic stock? PULSE AMMO! BAAM! Fuck you! Now, where were we? Oh so you're going to junction yourself to your GF. Yeah, lady that'll land you a husband real quick. Get her Squall!

Alright! That's it! No more fighting. Just glorious unseen post-game orgy. Wait a minute… something's not right here…

Okay giant, faceless lady in the middle of the void. That's definitely gotta be our final boss. Well I know when my skills are needed. Draw Apocalypse. Cast Apocalypse. And down you go. That's right bitch, don't mess with the bull or you get the horns.

So it's over. Say Selphie. Do you like the beach? You do? It's a happy ending after all.