Okay people, this is a very emotional and vague chapter, to give you the feeling of what it was like inside Renesmee's head that day. R&R, IT MAKES YOU PRETTIER! =P

Angel Out ~Hearts~

Renesmee felt one hundred percent human as she walked slowly back to her house with the cold mist curling around her ankles. One hundred percent human, and one hundred percent heart-broken.

What had happened? Jake had been there. They had been inseperable. They had done just short of everything together. And now he was just.....gone. Gone with barely an explanation, and defenitely not any kind of goodbye. Completely without warning, he had left her. She thought that maybe now she knew how her mother had felt when her father Edward had left her and gone to Italy. But her father had gone for an entirely different reason. What was Jake's reason? She felt the pressure of the ocean of tears behind her eyes dying to gush out, and she fought bravely against them. My family can't know about this. Not for any reason. She tried to take comfort from what Quil Sr. had inadvertantly said when he told her to stay away from Jake. Until she changes, you can't be allowed to see eachother.

Until she changes.

Did that mean that after Iliana transformed, Renesmee would get her best friend back? She tried her very best to hope, tried even harder to trust. But it was no use. She had thrown all the force she could manage into trusting Jake, trusting him seamlessly and absolutely. Her trust had been water-tight. And Jake had let her down. He had left her, and didn't say goodbye. Now she was so shredded, so completely messed up, that she couldn't summon up any will to trust him at all. She would have had to have been insane to want to do anything to reinspire the unbearable pain she was feeling right now. As she continued to walk, she felt like the blood in her veins was made of black ice. She wrapped her slender arms around herself as she convulsed in a shiver, and the first two gigantic, crystal bright tears slipped out of her sorrel eyes. She didn't try to stop them. She had a reason to stop, but she couldn't remember what it was. All she remembered was that she wanted to go home, out of this chilling mist, and to her room, where she would be able to cry her heart right out of her chest. Then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. Why....why....why? Why Jacob? Why this? Why now?

It was this she was thinking about when she felt the pair of strong arms wrap around her.

Her first instinct was to struggle, but it was quickly squashed by the crushing depression that weighted her into submission. She was prepared to let this person do whatever it was he had in mind, and not put up a fight. She didn't see a reason to, anyway. So it took her a few moments to realize that the arms wrapped around her were huge. The embrace was very tight, even to her. And very, very warm, like an open flame to her perfect skin. Reluctantly, she inhaled with her acute nose to take in this obviously inhuman person's scent. What she found surprised her a lot, and she felt herself sag against the large body, almost like an automatic reflex. It was Seth Clearwater.

"......Seth?' Her voice was quiet and rusty sounding, as if she hadn't used it in a long, long time. "What....what are you doing here?" She turned around in his tight embrace to look up into his brooding, worried face. His eyes were soft with eager concern as he said "I followed you when I saw you run off. I wasn't sure how you would take....you know." More shock, as well as another stab of cruel pain twisted through Renesmee at his words. He had followed her? She had had no idea. He continued to speak before she could reply. "I'm guessing that you're not taking it too well." "What do you mean?" Her voice cracked pitifully, and she saw the concern in his eyes grow even deeper as he said "Renesmee, you're crying." She quickly lifted one smooth pale hand to her face, and immediately felt that her cheeks were slick with tears, and they still hadn't ceased the flow from her fox colored eyes. "Oh," she choked out. 'I guess I am." He smiled sadly as he continued to stare down at her. Then all at once, he was speaking again. "I know it hurts, Renesmee. Jake means a lot to you. You mean a lot to him, and-" he looked very thoughtful and then just drew her closer into his embrace. 'Don't be sad. Try to smile. You know that there isn't one second that will go by that he won't be thinking of you." She gave him a look of skepticism. "I highly doubt that." Her brow furrowed in confusion as she noticed once again that Seth was being strange. "What do you mean, anyway?" Immediately, Seth's brows pulled together and he looked everywhere but at her as he replied airlily, "Oh, your just really important to him. He'll miss you for sure."

The air wooshed out of her lungs and she said flatly 'Right." She felt absolutely deflated. Before she could get too upset though, Seth grabbed her by the wrist and steered her in the direction of the forest. "C'mon, let's not make this any worse than it already is. I'm bringing you home, before it snows. Try to smile, Renesmee; you'll scare the wildlife looking like that." She gave a quick, half-hearted grin to please him, and then looked away while he started to dress down. There was a quick ripping noise, and when Renesmee looked back, she was standing a foot away from a humongous sand colored wolf. A deep rumble resonated in his chest, and Renesmee took the que. Reaching up for a handful of soft fur, she hoisted herself easily up onto Seth's wide back. She settled down into a comfortable spot between his shoulder blades and called out "I'm ready, Seth." With a howl, he lurched forward, and then they were running, faster than usual, so fast that everything started to ever so slightly blur around the edges of Renesmee's super human eyesight. The tears were instantly thrown from her eyes, and despite herself, a small smile had to curl onto her lips, from the pure exhilaration of going so fast. And riding with Seth was always so much fun. Still smiling, she reached down to grab two small handfuls of fur, and she pulled herself down to burrow her face into his back, out of the wind.

They made it to the Cullen's house in record time. Since Seth was such a good friend of the family, he was also allowed to come and go from the Cullen household as he pleased, so he took her right up to the front door to drop her off before disappearing into the nearby trees to change. A few moments later he reappeared and sprung up onto the porch, his shaggy hair windblown and an easy grin on his face. She knew he was blocking his thoughts; she had already warned him to do so before they had gotten into Edward's mental range. Feeling freshly depressed, and equally angry for not even being allowed to get it out of her system, Renesmee unceramoniously opened the wide oak front door, grabbed Seth's hand, and walked him through it. As soon as they were across the threshold, Jasper was there, his blazing golden eyes probing Renesmee's expression. One look was all he needed to know that things had not gone well. He grimaced, and took a couple steps forward so he could reach out and tuck a stray hair behind her ear and give her a look of sympathy. He couldn't verbally console his neice; the rest of the family would hear him, and then they would be tipped off to what was going on. Her shoulders sagged again, and her face crumpled as she called out in a falsely cheerful voice to her family in the living room. "I'm home, guys. I just brought Seth to visit with me. We'll be up in my room." With that, the tiniest of all teardrops spilled onto her cheek, and she flitted upstairs with Seth tailing her. As soon as she made it into her room, she turned on her stereo and blasted the loudest music she had, an album from the band The Drowning Pool, and then flung herself across the room, face-first onto her bed. Seth came to sit next to her on the enourmous bed, and he patted her on the back and whispered "If you have to let it out, let it out now, hun." And she did. Her back started to shake with her sobs. Her tears soaked her pillow. She beat the bed with anger for the unfairness of what had happened to her. She let out a few good screams that blended right in with the chaos of the playing band. This lasted for about ten minutes before Jasper couldn't take it anymore, and he showed up knocking on Renesmee's door. He didn't wait for admission; he silently opened the door, and came to sit next to her beside Seth. He immediately put his hand to her back and tried to sooth her with his gift. But she refused to be fixed; she wailed louder, sobbed harder. The bed shook with the velocity of her worded grief. But none of her other family heard her; if they did, they thought it was part of her blaring music. But no one came to check on her. She cringed repeatedly into her pillows; the ease, the simpleness of getting away with this without anyone checking on her was almost like rubbing salt into an open flesh wound.

For a while, all she could feel were the racking sobs rushing through her body, and Seth's and Jasper's comforting hands on her back, and the lack of Jacob all around her. But after what felt like a long, long, endlessly long time, the pain started to ease ever so slightly. Then a bit more. And a bit more. After another lapse of endless time had impossibly seemed to pass, she found that she could force her arm muscles to push her back up into a sitting position on the bed. Her sobs had finally ceased, and her breathing was calm. Torrents of glistening tears still flowed down her cheeks, but those choked off soon after the sobs. When her fox colored eyes were finally dry, she simply sat there for a minute, completely silent, not knowing what to do. After all, this had never happened to her before. As she sat there feeling like none of her nerve endings worked anymore, the strangest, coldest feeling settled into her. First into her skin. Then underneath. Then into her bones. And then into her heart. She had the oddest feeling of not being able to breath right, and she found with some numbed shock that she actually had to wrap her slender arms around herself and squeeze. She must have been coming apart inside, she had to be. She couldn't be physically fine, and still feel this way. But when she looked, nothing seemed to be wrong with her. This must be what mom felt like when Jake left HER, too. But what Renesmee was feeling had to be worse, much, much worse. She couldn't BREATH.......

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Renesmee didn't remember falling asleep that night, and waking up the next morning didn't hold the significance it used to. She sat straight up in bed, and her eyes that stared in the mirror back at her were clear and dry, but disturbingly empty. She went through the motions of getting ready for school mechanically, like an abiotic machine. She threw her long hair up into a pony-tail, and then put on blue jeans with a red tank top. She smudged a thick layer of rarely used black eye shadow under her empty eyes, and then, after a full minute's numb consideration, pulled over her head a huge black sweater that Jake had outgrown, and given to her. Like last night, she couldn't seem to pull in a deep enough breath to satisfy her lungs. She gave herself another squeeze, and felt all of her ache in response. Because her body was looking for a different person's squeeze. A person that, for all Renesmee knew, could never be coming back. At that she almost smiled. Because when her father had left Bella, thinking of him had hurt more than pushing him onto the back burner of her mind. It wasn't like that for Renesmee. There was no different levels of pain; it was all one setting, one intensity. A hurt that was neither in front of nor behind her, but engrained seemingly into her very matter, her very being, twisting in all the ugly patterns of abandonment and despair.

She didn't talk to anyone before she set out to school in Emmett's Jeep. No one thought much of it; they probably passed it off as her being tired. Not one of them, save for Jasper, even guessed at what she was actually feeling inside. And Jazz looked worried enough for all the rest of them.

Renesmee drove to school in a daze, only half seeing the traffic sharing the road with her. A strange sort of cloying mist had settled over her conciousness; it made it very difficult for her to think clearly, or properly. She still felt this way when she pulled into the reservation's highschool parkinglot. Grabbing the stickshift, she put the monster jeep into park as if in a trance.

A trance that she was abruptly snapped out of when Seth pounded her car window with one fist and gave her a big smile. Shaking the mist out of her head, her eyes sharpened considereably when the sight of her friend registered in her brain. Feeling like it required muscles stiff from lack of use, she returned his smile with one of her own, and rolled the window down for him. "Hey Nessie," he boomed not quite as cheerfully as he usually did. "You okay?" At this, she had to sigh. "Hey Seth." Her voice was quiet and dry and a bit older sounding than it had yesterday; she noticed it, and he noticed it too. 'I'm okay, I guess. I mean, I should have known he was going to do it sooner or later. Really, I shouldn't even be surprised."

He winced at her stinging, unemotional words, but he didn't say anything to contradict them. He could already see that she wouldn't listen at all, anyway. Instead, his eyebrows pulled together with the effort of the tumultous feeling and meaning he was putting behind his next words. "Look, Ness. I know how you feel. I know it sucks. I'm feeling it too, to a degree. But....but just try to smile, okay? Things look bad now, but you're never going to get better if you don't buck up and make the best of what's in the here and now. So smile, and try to mean it. .......Please?" Renesmee's eyes widened slightly and she felt her sharp intake of breath as his words hit the knot right in the middle of her chest, somehow miraculously untangling it and making sense of it. For the first time in hours, she could take a deep breath. And to her even greater shock, the awkward and yet overpowering meaning to his choked, mumbled words made the corners of her mouth turn up into the ghost of a smile. 'Okay, Seth. For you, I'll try to smile. And maybe even mean it." She climbed out of the Jeep, and as soon as her tiny feet touched the pavement, they were lifted off again as she was enveloped in a crushing bear-hug. She forced her strangely detached-feeling arms to return his embrace, and she tried her best to hang onto her tiny ghost smile. She tried, much like a five-year old, to draw some comfort from Seth by pressing the side of her face to his chest and inhaling deeply. He smelled musky and woodsy, just like the rest of the pack, and as she had hoped, it comforted her a lot. She felt her wide, tired eyes half close as he started to walk towards the school with her still attached to him, and she let herself be carried. She was suddenly feeling all of the exhaustion of last night, and all at once, she found it hard to keep her eyes open at all. Seth noticed, and there was worry in his voice as he asked 'You okay, Nessie? You seem a bit droopy all of a sudden." She re-opened her eyes and tilted her head up to look him in the eye as she replied "I'm as okay as I possibly could be, Seth. I'm just really tired. Don't worry about me." After a lot of grumbling and anxious expressions, Seth consented with this response, and she let her head drop again. He carried her like a child all the way to Seth's locker, where Embry was already standing hunched over, brooding. Paul looked upset rather than furious for once at what had happened. And as soon as they saw her, they both looked almost as worried as Jasper.

Seth placed her carefully up against Embry, who propped her up immediately; he seemed to think she was going to fall over. She did her best to rouse herself from her strange lethargy, and gave Em and Paul the same smile she had given Seth. She didn't want to make them worry anymore than they already were; they were feeling the same way she was right now, and they weren't getting carried around and falling asleep in the hallways. After a few minutes of planning for the day, Seth and Renesmee headed off for they're Anarchaic History class, and Renesmee did her very best to pretend that everything was okay. Throughout the day, Renesmee acted like she was concentrating on her studies; she stared at the board, and copied down the words to notes that didn't register in her brain. That strange cold was seeping back into her body, and it was getting hard to breath again. By lunch, she was trying not to gasp. Seth was there when she finally made it to the cafeteria, and that helped with the breathing problem. But she was still cold, no matter what. Throughout the day, whenever she passed by a place where she normally would have seen Jake, the awful cold pierced straight through her, so fierce it was like an icy, jagged knife plunged right into her soul. She would let out a pitiful gasp, grab at her sides, and her eyes would fill with tears. She would then struggle in vain not to let them pool over onto her face, but they always dripped down anyway. It was so hard without him; he was everywhere around her, and yet nowhere to be found. The lack of his presence echoed loudly and cruelly inside her body, making her insides twist in lonely pain. She was seeing him everywhere, hearing his voice, his laughter. But in the end it was only a stranger with long hair in the hallway, only the whisper of paper fluttering to the floor. Only the cruel laughter of fate, mocking her as the girl inside her wept, and wept, and wept. Wept, and screamed.

Jacob***

Jacob felt absolutely sick.

Since Quil Sr. had taken him aside and explained everything to him the night before, all of his color had drained away. Through the course of the night, he was sure his body had emptied itself of everything it had. His heart, his soul were gone. His usually burning body felt ice-cold to his own touch. He was clammy with sweat, and he could no longer find his voice to speak. Maybe it had left him. Or maybe he had just lost it after he spent three hours screaming until it died out. Since the screaming, he hadn't said a single word. He hadn't had a single thing to eat, or drink. He hadn't slept for a second. He couldn't. He didn't think he could do anything anymore. But despite his lack of being able to do anything else, by some cruel twist of malice, he could still think. And he thought of Renesmee. Not allowed to see her? How could he possibly survive that? When he was told to stay away from her, every organ he needed to survive had flown from his body, and gone to her. She had his heart, his soul. Now he was left with nothing, except for lungs to breath and a brain to remind him of his unbearable torture. He needed her, more than a heart, or lungs. More than a soul. He couldn't live without her. And he had been told to stay away, and that he couldn't come back to her until Iliana changed her shape. She would be coming to his house in the early morning, which was when he was going to have to somehow figure out a way to function so he could teach her what she needed to know.

Oh God, I think I'm dying from the inside out.

Iknow, I know. Scary way to end a chapter. I just wanted you all to know what was going on inside JACOB'S head at that point. Tell me what you think. ^-^