AUTHOR'S NOTES

It's evidently impossible to any author to show every moment of the character's lives. Essentially, narrative is an exercise in choosing which of these moments is actually important for the story being told, and which ones should be kept out. In the end it's a question of narrative economy, and what is truly important to show without compromising the pace or the reader's comprehension of the tale. Sometimes the story can exist without trivial minutiae, while in other occasions even apparently insignificant events might need to be told in detail because sometime, somewhere, they will stop being insignificant altogether.

This, of course, overlaps with the always important matter of showing and not telling. But that's another topic, for another time.

X

HOW LOW THE HAUGHTY HAVE FALLEN

It was now April 14, 1945. Even though Anja had said the girls would return Baderberg by the end of the previous day, they were still in the military post by the second morning. Not that they weren't needed. The repairs on the M3's track and the back of the StuG III were rather quick, after all the girls had grown used to that sort of work. But the experienced eyes of Maria caught several types of disrepair in the equipment of those soldiers and Anja, due to some newfound source of energy, kept asking her what was right and wrong, and what could be repaired.

Judging by what the local technicians had told the girls, they were too few to properly take care of everything, and were desperately running out of parts and tools besides. Of course that Anja immediately put the girls helping those men, making maintenance to the half-tracks and trucks, improvising spare parts with anything they could use (a task in which Ysabelle had became rather proficient), and even helping clean up the vehicle's guns. In spite of some initial objections the help was finally accepted and surprised the men in several ways.

But thinking back on how they were behaving, Maria couldn't help but think that maybe it wasn't just the technical problems that were plaguing the maintenance of the battalion's equipment. She could see it, the look in those men's eyes. They were tired, desperately so.

When the Baderberg girls took over the motor pool some actually sat on a bunch of chairs and drank something they had stashed away from the eyes of their officers. They stood there watching the girls working with the few who cared enough to show them the way around, and kept spewing flirtatious remarks. They simply ignored Anja when she asked them to stop, and only complied when an officer noticed what was happening and called them out on their behavior.

In fact, those men had the same look as the policemen in the village. They had given up. The war was lost and losing steam, and they simply wanted to hide in a corner so they could see the end of it. It was that 'as long as it isn't me' attitude that had infected so many already.

Maria thought in all of that while she sat over a crate glancing in silence at the Panzer IV parked in the other side of the motor pool. The tank had a deep scar over its glacis, where the British round failed to penetrate. It had been a stroke of luck, at that range it could very well have pierced through and killed everyone inside, but some random law of physics had prevented so, thus saving Maria and her friends.

It had been quite the close call, though. It had also been the second time in her life she'd been that close to death. It passed right by her in the other night, but instead of taking her it had instead decided to claim Noemi Jonke.

That was the worst part. Maria had been the one to come up with the plan, so it was her fault that the Type 89's crew was in the right flank of the attack when the Cromwell burst through the fences.

Simply recalling the moment made shivers crawl down her spine. The terrifying sight of the enemy tank in the night had replaced the British bombers in her nightmares. The little time she was able to sleep that night was filled with the despair of running alone through some dark alley of Dresden, chased by the roaring tank.

She knew she was the one who had exposed those girls to such perils. Maria shouldn't ever have supported Anja like she did. Then maybe-

"For some reason it keeps remembering me of a flower."

Those words, spoken right behind her, startled Maria, who turned to face Hanna. The Prussian girl had an old blanket in her hands, and dropped it over Maria's trembling shoulders.

"You can keep it." She told her.

Maria grabbed the blanket to avert it from sliding over her back. However, Hanna's words amazed her and she muttered, "A-a flower?"

"Yes." Hanna replied, a faint smile forming on her lips. "Almost like a rose. They are beautiful, and when you tend for them in the right way they grow perfectly round, almost like if engineered that way. And they have thorns which they use to injure those who threaten them."

She proceeded to sat on the ground beside Maria, her glance once again settling over the injured engine of war.

"But even the best rose," Hanna went on, "can get ruined by an accident or a moment of distraction, and deprived of its natural perfection."

"Hanna…" Lost in her moping and taken by surprise by that girl's words, Maria realized that there was very little she could come up with as a reply. Fortunately Hanna seemed to have some themes she wanted to cover and turned at her once more.

"Did I ever tell you what my family did back in Elbing?"

"I don't think you did." Maria replied. Honestly and even though she enjoyed talking with her new friends she'd never really indulged into the lives they had back in their hometowns, with the probable exception of Simone who liked to talk about her love misadventures as much as possible. Maria guessed that she'd allowed herself to be entranced by the work given to her, maybe a little too much.

"My family is of noble descent, as you know." Hanna opened her arms while she talked. "But we're not as rich as we once were. Time and some bad choices have made things like this. But one thing we've always been know for was the gardens we had around our mansion, and we've been trading garden flowers for generations. I really liked it, but I'll admit it was kind of a bore."

"But it was your family business."

"Yes. But then again what I enjoyed the most during my time in the BDM was all the friends I've made and all the different things we ended up doing." She smiled, although Maria could notice the melancholy in her blue eyes. "Although, I'll admit these last weeks have been the liveliest I've ever had."

"But it ended in a rather terrible way…"

"Do you think it ended?" Hanna seemed surprised by Maria's statement.

"What can we do now?" Maria shrugged. "The tanks belong to the grenadiers now. Anyhow, how could we get back to them after what happened?"

Hanna nodded in acquiescence.

"I'll miss her, you know? If there is something I've learned during the last years is how to cherish my friends. How to be there for them when they're around, and how to remember them when they aren't." She shook her head slowly. "I prefer to think Noemi went on a trip. It's the best way to deal with it."

"However… I was the one who came up with the plan. How will I live with that responsibility?"

Those words made Hanna turn and place a hand over Maria's shoulder.

"It wasn't your fault. You did the best to put us out of harm's way and no-one could have ever guessed that other tank would be there. Whatever you decide in the future, Nitzschmann, I'll support you. I'll follow you."

Such display of trust let Maria dumbfounded. How could she say that, and look at her with such a gentle expression after all the horrors they'd suffered that night? For a moment Maria considered that maybe everyone was simply that brave and she was the one being a coward, wanting to run away and avoid the hell lurking just around the corner.

Or maybe it was despair. Seeing what was actually happening brought up the fatalist inside everyone. Ingrained in her thoughts, she didn't notice Colonel Messner and Anja approaching her. Hanna saw them, but the leader of the group talked before she could say anything.

"Nitzschmann!" Anja exclaimed. "Herr Messner needs to have a conversation with the two of us."

For a few seconds Maria stood silent, simply looking back at the colonel and the angry-looking teenage girl beside him. She knew what that expression meant. Anja wanted to show who was in charge, assuming a confident posture, her hands on her waist and her feet firmly placed on the ground. The man beside her looked much calmer, almost aloof if not for the predatory glimmer in his dark eyes.

"I think it's better for you to go." Hanna said in a low voice, so only Maria could listen to her. "This is important."

Maria could only agree with her, so she got up, holding to the blanked around her shoulders. She still turned towards Hanna one last time.

"Thank you."

The other girl simply smiled gently. And then Maria went to join the newcomers. Messner gestured for the girls to follow him. They didn't walk much. There was an empty half-track nearby, one of ubiquitous Hanomags with an armored cabin and a canvas covering the top. They sat in the passenger cabin, Messner and Maria in the left bench and Anja alone in the right, so she could face the colonel.

Messner took of his cap and leaned back, against the cabin wall, crossing his arms and his legs. He seemed relaxed but it was evident to both girls that something was keeping him uneasy.

"First of all, Fräulein Königsberg," he began, "I want to use this opportunity to make something I should have already done and properly thank you and your people for saving my men the other day. I know what it has cost you, but we might have lost the front and our lives if it hadn't been for you."

There were no words to reply to that, so Anja simply nodded and smiled, albeit sadly.

"So tell me, where did you learn to fight like that? I doubt that's part of the BDM resume, am I right?" Again, Anja simply shook her head. Messner, in his turn, glanced at Maria, sitting beside him. "She said before you were their specialist in tanks. Where did you learn that?"

The question almost made Maria's heart skip a beat. She didn't look back at Messner. Instead she tightened the blanket around her shoulders. The question had to come sometime, it was unavoidable, and maybe it was better that it happened sooner than later. But it was the reason why everything happened as it did and now it was the time for Maria to take responsibility for her actions.

"Well, she learned it when she worked in a factory in Dresden." Anja said.

"I doubt they would learn the theory of armored warfare in a factory." Messner replied, skeptic regarding her explanation. Anja opened her mouth to say something, but Maria cut her reply.

"It was my father." She told Messner. "He was the one who told me everything. When I was younger I also took books from his shelf. Guderian, Rommel, Fuller, Sun Tzu… I've read them all."

"You're kidding me…" Anja was as surprised as Messner. It in turn surprised Maria. So, Anja really didn't know about her? All that talk the other day was simply to convince her to go along in that forsaken road trip?

The colonel, though, was now truly interested. To him that girl at his side was an oddity, albeit a fascinating one.

"And your father is a soldier?"

"Yes." Maria replied to Messner. "He was injured in the Eastern Front and cannot fight anymore, but he remains a soldier at heart."

"I see. Now that I think of it, are you related to Marco Nitzschmann by any chance?"

There was the question she'd heard so many times. Again, she did nothing to dismiss it.

"Yes. I'm his younger sister."

"Must be hard to be in the family of some SS scumbag, isn't that right?" Messner's grin was as honest as his irony. The question actually made Maria turn to face him, surprised, but not necessarily offended.

"Herr Oberst, will you deliver me to the secret police now? I know I shouldn't know these things, but…" She went out of words, as nothing she could say would be able to convey her guilt.

Messner leaned forward, placing his elbows over his knees and entrancing his fingers in front of his face.

"Well, to be honest I'm in a predicament of my own. I don't know if you've been informed about it but the reason we had your tanks transferred to us is because our own tank squadron was destroyed during an air strike about a week ago. All of our tankers died or got injured that day. We needed replacements in both men and material. Unfortunately, instead of the men I requested I ended up with you."

Anja groaned, feeling a little insulted. On the other hand, Messner seemed somewhat amused with her reaction. He opened his arms while he gesticulated.

"To top it up, tomorrow, I'll have to lead an attack to the American positions nearby. I need tanks to form my center, but although now I have the vehicles, I still need crews. I could grab a few kids and tell them how to operate them, but that wouldn't end well in any scenario. The fact is that I need to have those tanks in the field, covering my grenadiers. And until the guys in High Command take their heads out of their asses and send me the men I need, you're all I have."

At this point, he dropped his arms, seeming very tired for a moment.

"Honestly, I'm begging you to fight for my men one more time."

"You…" Maria started to say something, but her voice trailed off right after.

"Maria?" Anja seemed worried, and even Messner leaned over her to listen better to her words. Maria inhaled deeply and tried to focus.

"I understand your point, Herr Oberst." She finally managed to say. "But the decision to go isn't really mine or Königsberg's to make."

"Is that so?"

"Indeed. We need to ask our people what they want to do first. Then you'll have your answer."

Messner nodded, apparently understanding what she meant.

"Very well, sort it out in your way, then." He got up and walked out of the half-track, turning back at the girls while he donned his cap. "Just don't take too long."

And then he walked away, back to his other duties.

"You've really shown him."

Those words made Maria turn to face Anja. The other girl's face seemed to have lightened up for some reason, and she even managed to put on an honest smile.

"So you're really going through with this, after everything that happened?"

Anja's smile faded away as she assumed her serious expression once again.

"That's exactly why I'm going forth. Turning my back now would be making all that happened meaningless. We've made a difference there, you've seen it! We held the front when the Army didn't. We might actually contribute to the salvation of our country and to bring a better peace once this is over with."

As Maria remained silent she leaned back against the side of the cabin and kept talking. "You're right, you know? We should ask the rest of the gang what they want to do before we take our decision."

Maria nodded in return. Guilt and a certain lightheadedness were still there, but the trust that man was placing on them was actually doing something to tackle them down. Was that a sense of duty, or of purpose, perhaps?

"You really didn't know how I've learned about tanks?"

The other girl shrugged.

"No. I mean, you must have learned somehow, but I just thought I could use it to make you see my point concerning all of this."

"Your point?"

"Yes." Anja sighed. "I thought we would need you and I wasn't wrong. Without you, either we or these men would be dead by now. It would have been a bloodbath either way." She shrugged. "And how would I know about you and your father? Do you think I'm a psychic or something?"

The energetic way Anja had made that question actually made Maria chuckle, and Anja giggle in return. The two girls nodded at each other and Anja even reached for Maria and held her hand.