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Reid and Emily

Chapter 10

April 2011

He loved her laugh. Loved, also, to see her smile as she looked at the pictures he had taken during his road trip to Vegas. Joy filled her features as she saw he had taken her advice to do something bold with his life while he still had the chance.

Reid might not have been very coordinated or good at sky diving, mountain climbing and riding a mechanical bull but he had liked pushing himself out of his comfort zone and now he was glad that he had- considering Emily's response to hearing of all his adventures.

He told her "You should have came with me."

"Oh, I had my own wild times here. I've been tagging along with the team on cases, little do they know. They really need you back. There were a few times when I know you would have added something to make it all gel together for them quicker but they muddled through without you. I also spent time with my other friends, my Mom, JJ, Will and Henry, Jack...I even went sight seeing some days. You can get a lot done when you don't sleep and can walk through walls. I've been into the oval office now."

"If I knew you were still around, Emily, I would have stayed here to be with you but I spent weeks waiting and you never came back. I thought you couldn't."

"I'm back now...for tonight, at least."

Reid reached out and clutched her hand. Warmth spread through him at feeling her touch. "I want you to stay here with me. Live here with me."

She softened at those words and a tender look came into her eyes. "Reid..." her voice sounded choked up "this...it's just for tonight. That's all it can be. I'm just visiting and, after this time, I won't be back again."

Tears flooded his eyes and his voice cracked as he asked "Why? Why are you so stubborn? Why can't you just give me this one thing I ask before I lose you...if I'm going to lose you, give me this!"

She quickly moved close to hug him and they held each other for long moments, until Reid leaned back on the couch and Emily lay against his chest. He stroked her hair and rubbed her back as they just stayed like that for a long while.

Finally he broke the silence "I've started to pray."

She lifted her head and her eyes met his. "That's wonderful."

"I can't say I believe in any one certain religion or one certain religious figure but this...you...have made me believe there is something beyond this life. I have to believe in that now...it could be my only chance left to spend more time with you...one day in the afterlife. But I don't want it that way. I want you to come out of the coma. And I know you can if you try hard enough."

"Oh, Reid, it's not about trying. I've been trying. It's beyond what I can do."

"Then I will have to keep praying so whomever has the power to decide makes the right decision. Maybe that is what all of this is about...my headaches, your coma. Maybe it all comes down to a lesson in hubris. Thinking we know best and can control things. Not wanting to ask for help, to admit we are not really in charge of our own lives completely but at the mercy of things beyond our control. I didn't want to listen to my body that it needed a break. You didn't want to lean on anyone and admit your past with Doyle...even at the risk of your life and others."

"If I had more life left to live I'd do so many things different. No more wasted time. No building up regrets. I'd be fearless."

"What is the first thing you'd do?"

Her eyes darkened with emotion as she reached out to run her fingers through his hair and then down over his cheek. "Tell you how very much I do appreciate you and how you've changed my life, changed me, for the better."

"You've changed me for the better, too." Taking hold of her wrist, he moved her palm to his mouth and kissed it. "I can't say good bye to you."

"You never have to because I'll always be close by, making sure you live life to the fullest."

"Not without you, Emily."

"That's not our call to make. Sometimes we are powerless to decide anything. I've never been one to give up but maybe this whole experience is about coming to terms with the inevitable."

"How can I know so many things but I don't know how to explain this experience? How to do anything to change the state you're in. I've researched and researched visitations and still there is nothing to tell me how this is happening, how long it can last, how I can save you. I should have found an answer by now. I always have the right answer but now, when it matters most, I'm letting you down."

"You are not letting me down. I am not here for you to save me. I'm here for you to have this memory of me and to hear me say," her voice dropped as she tenderly said "I love you."

Her hand pressed against his heart- warmth filled his body and white light emanated off his chest.

He cupped the back of her neck, leaned his forward against hers and let himself cry for all he could lose if tonight was their last night tonight. "It's not fair. I love...I think I'm...No, I know I am...I'm in love with you, Emily." As he went on, his words were spoken through more and more sobs, a broken rant filled with his heartbreak. "I only realized it after you were hurt but I've felt connected to you for a long time. You see me different than anyone else does. I like that. I need you. Can't you see how much I need you? How can that not matter?"

"We're both idiots. We could have been together before but neither of us saw what was right in front of our faces. It was right there all along."

He cupped her face in his hands, as his mouth sought hers, giving her a gentle, tender kiss that grew more fierce and desperate until they were both breathless after several long minutes of kissing. Reid's stomach growled.

Emily chuckled. "You should eat some dinner before you pass out from hunger."

"No, I'm fine," he assured, not wanting to let her go.

She stood up, took hold of his hand and tugged him to his feet. "Come on. You'll have to cook though. I'd make you a meal but it's easier for me to crawl into the fridge than hold a gallon of milk these days."

"I'm really not in the mood to eat."

"Too bad. You have to take care of yourself. And in the future, even if you don't see me, I'll be around making sure you take care of yourself right so you better not skip any meals or gorge yourself on diary products, cause I won't be happy."

He made dinner and they kept talking all through the meal until his phone rang. Reid ignored it but the person called right back again. He picked up the cell and looked at it.

"It's JJ." He answered the call, even though he hated to speak to anyone right then. He just wanted to stay in the hazy world that him and Prentiss were sharing. "Hi."

"Oh, Spence, good! You answered! Did you make it home yet or are you still on the road?"

"I'm home. It was a long drive today but I pushed through so I can sleep in my own bed tonight."

"Great. Well I hope you haven't eaten yet cause Henry wants his godfather to come over for dinner."

"I just got done eating and I'm really beat right now. Tell Henry I'll come see him soon though."

"Are you sure you can't come by tonight? I'll make cookies for dessert." She sounded concerned about him. "We really want to see you."

"I know I worried you with taking this sabbatical but I'm feeling a lot better now, so don't worry. This trip was just what I needed."

"Good, I'm glad. Will you go back to work tommorow?"

"Not tommorow but soon."

"Garcia says the team is lost without you."

"I'm sure she's exaggerating. Either way, I'll be back there soon enough. I gotta go now, JJ, so thank you for the invitation and sorry it didn't work out tonight but I plan to go to bed early."

"Okay, I understand. You're probably tired after that long drive but promise you'll come by soon, all right?"

"I promise. Bye." He disconnected the call.

Emily raised an eyebrow. "Going to bed early?" she teased him.

"Yep, after a nice, long, hot shower." He reached out his hand to her and she took his hand. They went to the bathroom together.

Reid started the shower. Slowly they undressed each other, their hands sensually sliding over the flesh newly exposed to their eyes, before stepping into the shower together. Under the spray of water, their lips met again in a soulful kiss.