A/N: I do not own anyone from the Cal Leandros series. I do not own the song lyrics used here!

Thanks to Comuterale for the uber-prompt review! Thanks also to Obi the Kid, Kin-outcast1, Chades, and halesgirl101 for reviewing!

Chapter Ten: Guilt

Wake up call
Caught you in the morning
With another one in my bed
Don't you care about me anymore?
Care about me, I don't think so
Six foot tall
Came without a warning
So I had to shoot him dead
Don't you care about me anymore?
Care about me, I don't think so
-"Wake Up Call," Maroon 5

Niko had brought me breakfast. And coffee. Oh God, such good coffee. I went for that first. Halfway through it, I woke up enough to comment, "I hope if they run prints at that bar they don't find yours."

"My case was dismissed as justifiable homicide," Niko returned, calmly, eating his muffin. "Besides, I was eight at the time, Cal. My file is closed. I highly doubt they'll look me up, and even if they did, how would they even find me? I'm currently homeless, have no social security card, have no insurance, have a low-end job, and a fake driver's license."

"And a brother who is currently pretending to be part of the Kin. Not to mention those nice diplomas from Princeton and Oxford in your name, the numerous traffic tickets across nearly all continental states, drunken disorderly conduct, assaulting an officer of the law, about a dozen counts of bail, and you were held once on suspicion of murder." I rolled my eyes. I knew Niko's rap sheet so well because I liked throwing it in his face. He wasn't perfect and it irritated him when he got caught. "And don't pretend you can't get your Social Security if you wanted. You have your birth certificate."

"True enough about the diplomas, but everything else since then has been under false names." Niko shrugged. All except the suspicion of murder; Niko's first girlfriend had been beaten to death with a baseball bat. They'd decided it wasn't him, but the case was still open, as far as I knew. She'd been a pretty girl, and I'd been sad about it. Niko had cried at the funeral, and I wasn't sure it'd been completely for show. "I wouldn't want Social Security anyway. The government's going bankrupt. If I live long enough to retire there won't be enough government money left to pay for it."

That, and we lived by Sophia's rules, even so long after - we didn't exist legally. You couldn't trust the law or the government. You could work the system, sure, but Niko and I weren't cut out for that kind of work. I shrugged and went back to my very good coffee. Niko let me eat, then started quizzing me on possible ideas of action. I needed to know where that crown was. Flay had mentioned Cerberus might have given it as a gift to the sex toy...the succubus.

"I suppose you could...try to entice her..." Niko offered, reluctantly, his face twisting with distaste. I felt the same way. I shuddered.

"No way in hell. For one, snakes aren't my kink. For two, succubi don't like the way I taste."

"What."

Niko's response was disturbingly flat, his face gone blank. I hastened to explain before he got too angry. "We were drunk, remember? Maybe you don't, we were all fuckin' smashed and Lilith wondered if I'd taste human. So I kissed her. Apparently I taste like an Auphe and that's nasty shit." I grimaced because even through the drunken haze I remembered the cold feeling of scales, the taste of wet sulfur like venom, and the slender forked tongue that had wrapped itself around mine, like a noose.

"I had not remembered," Niko said, and his tone was stiff. He looked like he didn't know quite how to feel; disgusted, outraged, shocked.

"Yeah. Well. It's not an option." I shrugged. It'd been stupid. I regretted it. It had seemed really damn logical at the time, but that had been the alcohol talking.

"Nice to know." Niko's tone was still stiff. He didn't exactly sound angry but I would be treading lightly for a bit, just to be safe. Why it would bother him so much, I didn't stop to analyze; what mattered was judging his mood and keeping my head down.

Then I realized what I was thinking and didn't know if I felt sick or pissed.

I settled for not-really-awake and went back to my coffee. I picked up a muffin and ate it in silence. Niko cleared his throat at last. "Do you still have Robin's cell number?" he asked, and his tone was calm again, controlled and planning.

I muttered an affirmative through my mouthful of muffin. Niko rolled his grey eyes, longsuffering patience written across his face. "Mmii?"

Correctly translating that as 'why' Niko raised a single blonde eyebrow. "Cal. Think about it."

I did. Then I groaned. "Look, I haven't finished my coffee," I protested. Niko just gave me a flat, unimpressed look. Yeah, coffee was no excuse, you had to be severely mentally retarded to not know 'why.' "So. Sex on legs and sex on scales. He might be able to give me tips."

"Right on the money. Keep him in mind," Niko advised, and stole half my muffin with a smirk.

Well, hell, that wasn't going unpunished, unfinished coffee or not.

I left Niko mopping up spilled coffee and picking muffin crumbs out of the carpet. One of my ears was still stinging and my hair smelled like life-giving coffee but Niko had a whole new bruise on his shoulder and a nice bite-mark on his nose. I'd won. He'd been too busy trying to not get scalded with coffee to fend off a direct frontal attack. I'd forgone such caution and my ear was going to be bright red for a day or so. I didn't care a damn; I'd bested Niko right after breakfast, and I was feeling like the king of the world as I headed for the warehouse.

Well, that lasted for all of an hour, as long as it took me to track down the succubus and attempt to get my sexy monster face on.

Let's just say it didn't go down well.

I decided calling Robin was probably my best bet, and relocated for both the call and the meeting.

Goodfellow's weight settled next to me on the park bench as his long legs stretched out to bask in the nonexistent sun. "You rang?"

I tipped my head back to stare up at the grey and overcast sky. The clouds hung low and heavy, the air warm. It was probably going to storm later - the air felt sullen and charged. "Yeah. I need some help." So to speak.

"I gathered that." Goodfellow grinned confident, folded his arms behind his head, and tilted his head to see me over the frames of his dark sunglasses. "My expertise in all matters is legendary. Many worship at the altar of my brilliance and who can blame them? How can I service you today, puny mortal?" He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Christ, could he get any more corny? "Yeah, yeah, brilliant, worship, gotchya. So there's this succubus..."

Robin perked up instantly, grinning lasciviously. "Oh? Do tell. Give me all the filthy, filthy details."

Details, huh? I raised an eyebrow. "Scales creep me out, and I taste bad."

Mobile lips twitched with surprise and amusement. Robin pulled off his sunglasses to get a better look at me. "You taste...bad." There was a very deliberate pause. "Taste bad."

"Yup." I slouched against the bench, amused by his amusement. Well, hell, what could I say? The truth's the truth, brother.

"As in, literally, physically taste bad, or was it your energy that was too much for her delicate palate?" Robin wanted to know.

"Energy, but apparently physically I don't taste half as bad as I smell." I shrugged. "But since that's coming from a snake I'm not sure I trust it." Though it probably said a lot about the state of your soul when a succubus would rather send out for General Tso's than suck you dry.

"Good. All snakes are liars," Robin chuckled.

"What about goats?" I jabbed back, and he simply smiled. Fine, keep your damn secrets, Robin. I shrugged in return, but I was trying not to smile myself . Sometimes I did enjoy talking to Robin - he was smart and he was fun and I wanted to trust him more than I should've. "Right. Moving on, I want you to talk to her and see what you can find out."

"I see." He slipped his sunglasses back on. "You want to use me. You want me to be a gigolo...to whore myself out for your convenience."

"Pretty much," I admitted without compunction.

He laid an arm along the back of the bench and gave a grin birthed in vice. "Who could say no to that?"

We headed back to the warehouse. People had been lying low after Cerberus's temper tantrum yesterday. I didn't blame them, honestly. They would trickle in after dark, heads down and tails tucked. Cerberus was gone. High-level Kin meeting, stress-relieving massacre up north - I didn't know and I didn't care. I simply seized the opportunity. And after said opportunity spit me out, I was back with reinforcements.

"She's in the office." I scanned the gloomy interior for any unexpected visitors. "She won't be suspicious about you showing up out of the blue, will she?"

Managing to swagger and limp at the same time, Goodfellow shot the cuffs of his shirt. "No. Succubi don't think like that. They're interested in eating and sex and they never have to work very hard at either. She won't think twice about me walking through the doors. She'll just light a few candles and put on a bib." He ran a smoothing hand over his hair. "Snakes don't wonder where their food comes from. They simply accept it. It's all about the ego."

"Too bad they're not humble like you." I was smiling, though, as I gestured to the office door. He was confident. We could do this. "Want me to introduce you?"

"No." Goodfellow set a hand on the office doorknob. "It'd only slow me down." He grinned at me, and vanished within.

I couldn't help the laugh. It was so absurd, over-confident, and completely Robin. Yeah, I liked him. I liked him a hell of a lot. I only hoped he wouldn't get eaten. I leaned against the wall of the office and waited, partially standing guard. Sure, Robin could handle himself, but it was nice to know when somebody was about to shank you from behind. Nobody seemed to be here, but hell, that could change.

I was starting to count floor tiles when the sound split the the air: a rattle buzz-saw sharp and spine twisting in its intensity. A hundred pissed-off rattlers or a hundred orgasmic ones, and I didn't even want to guess. Nervous instinct moved me away - rattlers are mean fuckers - and I fervently hoped that was a good sound and not an indication that Robin was being swallowed whole by a supernaturally horny boa constrictor. The sound wanted to get inside my head and vibrate between my ears. I popped in my earbuds and cranked up Alice in Chains and that was that. Better. The buzz was still there but it wasn't making me twitchy anymore.

That didn't mean that when Robin popped out of the office door, I didn't put my gun to hand, but hey, it was a reflex. Robin didn't seem alarmed. In fact, he looked stony-faced grim, and I yanked my earbuds out. "Did you learn any...oh shit Robin!" I smelled it before I saw it - deep blue stains splashed liberally over his shirt. It wasn't his blood, and it was easy to guess whose it was.

"Who here deserves to go down the most?" he asked, and held out his stained arm - he was holding a knife dripping cobalt blood. There were claw-marks on his neck, bleeding sluggishly, but for the most part he seemed unharmed.

His question didn't need much thought. I answered automatically, "The revenant. You killed her?"

"She was in the mood for sex. She wasn't in the mood to talk," Robin snapped, moving down the stairs with a sharp stride. I flinched aside as he passed - he was pissed and the way he moved reminded me of Niko, violence tightly controlled. Habit told me to stay the hell out of the way and keep my head down. Robin had never raised a hand to me, and I knew logically he never would, but the twist in my gut just wouldn't be ignored. "She was more afraid of Cerberus than she was stupid, and that's saying something. The revenant have any personal things here?"

I followed him down the stairs as he leaned on the rail to spare his bad leg. "I'm not sure," I confessed, quickly, racking my brain. It wasn't like they passed out employee lockers here or anything, and I'd only been here two days.

"Think." Robin hit the bottom of the stairs, and whirled to face me, green eyes hard. "If we don't pin it on someone else, you'll go down for it. You're the new one and all suspicion will fall on you. I did get some information but it'll take at least a day to verify it. So think."

I'd gone frozen-still on the last step when Robin had turned back, muscles jumping tense. Dammit, he wasn't going to hit me and I knew that but he was so much like Niko in a temper right now; it was the control in the anger, the way he moved sharp and quick and smooth. He and Nik were both fighters, warriors, it made sense that they moved the same way. I swallowed hard and tried to replay yesterday. Where had the revenant stood? Where had be come from when he'd slunk over? I focused on an area hidden by dusty, empty crates. "Fuck. Over here."

Behind the crates was a messy conglomeration of blankets, empty bottles, spilled cards, and other mounds of discarded garbage. The employee lounge. One blanket was a little off from the others. In the midst of the wool nest was half a long-desiccated human leg. Bite-marks were evident in the long-dead limb and graveyard dirt was a litter beneath it. I pointed with disgust, the smell of the decay and the revenant strong in my nose. Robin nodded, ignored the leg, and showed the blade under a fold of cloth.

"Let's go," he said, wiping his hands on his pants without a single wince for fashion ruination.

"They won't...fingerprints? Smell?" I asked, hoping it could only be so simple.

"Do you smell me?" he challenged, turning to me again.

As a matter of fact, I didn't. "No. Neat trick." No forest-green-sex-musk of puck, only cologne and spice. It wasn't too different from his usual cologne which was why I hadn't really noticed until now that his own personal smell was missing under it.

"It's a special mixture. I've been wearing it since this whole debacle started. I prefer to stay nameless and scentless until all of this passes. I'm a survivor." He moved towards the door quickly, limping. I followed and watched the tense lines of his back.

"Yeah. Yeah, you are," I agreed, remembering what Darkling had thought of him. Self-serving, a damn good sense of self-preservation. But luckily for me and Niko, Robin also had a kind and generous heart. He glanced back at me, and his green eyes were harsh and uncompromising. A survivor...who'd come to help me when I called for it. I offered him a wan grin as we came out into the dimly lit day again.

"Don't waste any tears on the succubus," he offered, as we walked down the street. "She'd killed more humans in her long life than you could begin to count. A predator falls. It's the way of the world."

I hadn't been going to cry over her at all. I nodded. "Law of the jungle?" I returned, dryly.

"If you want to be cliched about it." Robin sighed wearily and rubbed at the weeping clawmarks on his neck.

" 'We be of one blood, thou and I'," I quoted, and Robin looked at me with some surprise, before he smiled unexpectedly, the anger melting away.

" 'My kill shall be thy kill if ever thou art hungry'," he finished, and it sent a chill down my spine suddenly. What a promise between monsters, even tame ones like Robin and I. What a promise. "Very well, Mowgli. Let's get something to drink. Several somethings, in fact, and I'll tell you what I've learned."

Goodfellow usually chose bars that reflected his personality, upscale and pretentious. This time he thre image to the wind and picked the first one we came across. We lucked out. It was dark, as all good bars are, but it was clean - from what I could tell. Plants were everywhere...hanging in baskets, creeping over the tables, casting branches towards the ceiling. And I'd have sworn there was a bird on every one of those branches. Parrots, finches, parakeets...and a shitload of others I couldn't identify. I wasn't much on our fine-feathered, jet-force-crapping friends. These seemed well behave enough, only chirping or squawking occasionally...well, until one of them saw me. It let out a warning cry, and for a moment the room echoed with bird alarm calls. I was used to that, but after the first alarm, they all stopped and went back to behaving normally. I shook my head as I took a spot at the bar, and checked the pretzel bowl for suspicious white streaks.

"Weird place," I commented.

"Bacchus be damned," Robin groaned. "It's a peri bar. Just my luck. My catastrophic, bowel-churning luck."

Before I could ask what the hell a peri was, the bartender came over...wings and all. Dove grey barred with silver, they were tucked neatly against his back. In a black T-shirt and jeans with short wavy black hair, he looked like your typical Mario from Queens. The wings could be a gimmick of the bar and stuffed in a locker before he headed home. Could be, but apparently weren't. Stopping opposite us, his round black eyes fixed on Goodfellow and he said without preamble, "Ishiah wants to talk to you."

"I don't remember asking you what Ishiah wanted," Robin responded in a bored tone. "Two beers with a whiskey back."

The peri's wings rustled in annoyance, and without further comment he moved down the bar to fill the order. "What's a peri?" I asked. Wings, feathers, nah. It couldn't be...could it? I'd seen some damn weird shit, especially lately, but surely not. "They're not angels, are they?"

Robin rolled his eyes with disgust. "At least come up with an original theory." The alcohol arrived. As the peri slid the glasses in front of us, he opened his mouth to speak again. Robin beat him to the punch. Holding up a fingers, he said, "Don't." Then he pointed the same finger down the bar. "Go."

Shedding a few disgruntled feathers, the peri hesitated, then obeyed with a scowl. There were other customers waiting to be served, oblivious humans and creatures as odd as any peri. "Overgrown cockatoo," Robin muttered. Not wasting any time, he did his shot, my shot, then chugged half his beer. I grabbed mine and slid it out of reach. If he was paying, I wanted my damn beer. Setting his mug back down, he said with reproof, "I know both you and Niko do research. Hours upon hours. Do you retain any of that information at all?"

I took a healthy swig of my beer. "Nik's the one with the eidetic memory, not me. Hell, you know Nik's the walking encyclopedia. I've never heard of a peri. Now what are they? Not angels?"

Robin shook his head in disgust and finished his beer. "Yes. That's exactly what they are. And on Fridays they have potluck with St. Nick, the Easter Bunny, and the tooth fairy," he answered, sarcasm dripping from the words. Seeing the expression that dawned on my face, he raised a single brown eyebrow. "What gods-forsaken idea has just spawned in the ignorant muck you call a mind?"

I grinned at him, brightly. "Wait 'till I tell Nik that angels are real and so's the Cadbury bunny. I knew the Cadbury bunny was real. I love those eggs."

Robin stared at me blankly, horror and laughter warring in his eyes. After a long minute he put his head down on the bar and started laughing. I joined him, because hell, why not? He laughed and laughed and at last sat there with shoulders slumped before he lifted his head and gave me a wry and grateful look. He straightened, shaking his head, then leaned over the bar and snagged a bottle of whiskey. He poured himself a glass with a liberal hand. I stuck to my beer.

"Hermes, blow me, I never can tell if you're serious when you say things like that." He slammed another shot. "Part of your mysterious charm, hmm?" The glance he slid me was teasing. I went along with it, because it felt right.

"Damn straight." I sipped my beer. It was good, nutty and rich. "So. The succubus. Give me all the filthy, filthy details."

Robin snorted, recognizing his own words from earlier. "Very well. The crown; she'd seen it. She'd worn it. And she was not particularly impressed by it. It didn't compliment her colouring." He looked down at the blue dried on his shirt. "Obviously."

Jewels for the sex-toy. Flay's hunch had been right. Oh so close, but now the succubus was dead. I grimaced and looked at Robin. "Well, where is it?"

"Normally, in Cerberus's penthouse."

"Penthouse?"

"Where did you think he lived? In a doghouse?" he commented, cynically. "He's a Kin boss. That tends to keep you in kibble and wall-to-wall carpet. But that is neither here nor there. The crown is now in Cerberus's car, lucky for you. If we can believe what the snake said."

"If, of course." Robin had said it earlier; all snakes were liars.

He raised a hand for another beer.

I sipped my own. "Cerberus has three cars that I know of. A limo and two town cars." None of which had been at the warehouse today. Flay had used one the previous night to dispose of what was left of Fenrik's body. He probably would have taken it somewhere to clean it up. Can't dump a corpse without detailing the car the next day - now that was the law of the jungle right there. As for the others, Cerberus had probably taken the limo this morning with some of the other wolves following in the town car.

"Think you can stay under for at least another day?" Robin asked, taking the new beer the bartender passed over.

"Sure. Nik says I can, so it must be true," I joked, but it tasted like truth. Niko had told me I could do this - despite how I felt, I could do it. "I'll manage."

Robin gave me a funny look, then smiled. "You are different from before."

"How?" I wanted to know, sipping my beer.

"It's hard to explain," he mused, and finished off the his new beer. Up, down, bang against the bar. He stared at the empty glass a moment, then glanced at me. "You seem more...decisive. More sure of yourself."

Hell, I had him fooled. I wasn't certain this wasn't going to end in disaster. "Well, I'm not hiding from me anymore. You changed that - no don't look at me like that, stop feeling so damn guilty about it, Robin. It's okay. Really." I scowled at him, because I meant that. It was okay. "It helped. I knew exactly who and what I was and that's what kept him...Darkling...from getting all of me. It's still helping. So stop feeling guilty. Or I'll pour my beer over your head and that's a really bad waste of good beer."

Robin laughed, but I could still see a faint shadow in his eyes. Well. It'd do for now. "It would be a waste of beer. Finish it and let's quit this place before I come down with a raging case of histoplasmosis."

I did, and we got up to walk out. Robin still had the bottle of whiskey in hand. The bartender said sharply, "That's thirty bucks."

"Put it on Ishiah's tab," Robin returned derisively. He lifted the bottle of whiskey. "This too. It's the least of what that bastard owes me."

"Who's Ishiah? Don't tell me you know one of the Biblical prophets. That'd just get too weird," I told him, as we climbed the stairs to the street.

Robin laughed again. "I've known all the Biblical prophets. And met Jesus too. But no, Ishiah is a peri, and someone almost as annoying as you." On the last stair, his injured leg buckled and he caught himself on my shoulder. I stood braced until he steadied himself, wordlessly. He patted my shoulder in silent thanks. I didn't wince as he hit the edge of a deep bruise Niko had given me - the rill of pain was nothing I wasn't used to. Robin paused, and took a sip of the whiskey. "I'm going home to take a hot shower and mourn my favorite shirt. Hold my calls."

I tipped my head back and stared up at the darkly overcast sky. It was going to rain, and soon - I could smell it over the city smog. Damp and electrically-charged air, ozone and wildness in the wind. I turned back to Robin, and offered him a smile. "Thanks, Robin. For all you've done."

Robin looked at me thoughtfully, and took a long pull at his whiskey. Surfacing, he nodded, and the smile he gave me was small and honest and tempered with an immortal's lifetime of sorrow and wisdom. It was an answer so huge my little paltry thanks didn't deserve it. My and Niko's deception didn't deserve it. Hell, I wasn't sure I deserved it.

The wind whipped up the street and I could taste the rain coming.

Wordlessly, Robin and I walked side-by-side back to the hostel I was staying in. I didn't know why he was walking with me, but I enjoyed the company. I didn't ask - words seemed ridiculous right now, after that smile and the honesty between us.

As we neared the hostel I could see Niko standing on the sidewalk. His long leather duster was flapping around his knees and his braid swaying heavily. He was looking for us, and turned to watch our approach with a little smile on his lips. There was someone else on the sidewalk, walking his way, and as they drew closer to Niko I recognized who it was: Marvin, the incubus from Niko's illegal chop shop job. Marvin, whose face was twisted into a rictus of rage and who was pulling a gun out from under his coat, aiming at Niko. I think I shouted - I'm not sure, it might have been Robin.

Warned either by the shout, our faces, or some inner instinct of danger, Niko whirled and ducked. Lightning cracked across the sky and the thunder nearly hid the retort of the gun as Marvin shot. The wind blowing in my face brought me Marvin's outraged shout, nearly lost in the tail end of the thunder. "You killed her! You damn bastard, you killed my Lilith! Fucking-"

Niko had swept low under the gunshots and drawn his katana. Even as Marvin tried to track him, shooting again, Niko darted in close, silvery blade reflecting the next lightning strike - two slashes, almost impossible to see in their swiftness. Marvin staggered, his throat slit, Niko's blade lodged between his ribs. With a choking cough he went down, gun dropping from his limp hand. Niko let him slide off the blade and stepped back, a light spray of cobalt blood across his cheek.

He looked at me and Robin, and his grey eyes were wide, lips parted in an almost childish expression of surprise.

It started to rain.

Once inside and safely in the room, I watched Niko wash the blood off his face with mixed apprehension and dread. "Lilith is dead?" I asked him. "Marvin said you killed her." I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer. It wasn't too likely Marvin would have been mistaken, now was it? But would Niko...?

"I don't know. I guess she must be, but Cal, I haven't been back there since we left. I haven't contacted Lilith in weeks. I've only seen Marvin at work. I don't know how...he must have been following me." Niko looked - and sounded - rattled, still. He looked at me with his face washed clean and water beaded thickly in dark blonde lashes. "I must have gotten careless, I'm sorry."

Careless, and drunk in the middle of the afternoon. He reeked heavily of alcohol, but when Robin offered him the bottle of whiskey, Niko took a long pull from it. Robin took the chair and Niko and I took the bed. "Don't give him any more," I told Robin, and looked at Niko cautiously. "You're drunk. You're fuckin' smashed and it's not even past three. What the hell, Nik?"

Niko shook his head. "Just...a bad day. A really fuckin' bad day. And now it's worse. I'm sorry, Cal."

"Oh damn. You got triggered, didn't you?" My heart clenched, worry spiking through me. "What was it? How bad was it?"

"Nothing. Goddamn nothing, just something a customer at the shop said. She didn't even look like Sophia, or sound like her much. Smoker's rasp. It was...nothing, a throwaway comment and I just shut down." Niko put his face in his hands, for a moment, then ran his hands back through his hair, pulling stands loose from his braid. He was still too frazzled, upset; I knew that gesture and everything it said about his mental state and it made my chest ache. "I left after lunch. Snapped out of it a little while ago, in the Blue Iguana."

I winced. That wasn't going to be good for Niko's job. I reached out and set my hand on his knee, comforting. I was here, he was here, it was all going to be okay. "So worse than usual."

"Yeah." Niko shook his head, and closed his eyes. "And Marvin. God, I want to call Lilith but it's not wise if she is dead."

"It would not be," Robin commented. "I can check for you." There was a question in his face, though, and I could see it. "Are you...alright, Niko?"

Niko laughed a little, a drunken too-loud laugh, and swayed when he shook his head. "Will be. Haven't checked out for months. Forgot how I hate it."

"If you'd just have consistent triggers," I grumbled, but it was an old familiar tease, and Niko leaned heavily on my shoulder. That was good. That was him reaching outside himself, a good sign. Some of the worry in me eased. I looked up at Robin. "I know what'll set me off. Niko never does. One day he'll be fine, the next day something random that's barely related will give him an episode."

"Episode...?" Robin prompted, raising an eyebrow.

"Niko disassociates, bad. He did it while I was gone during Everything," I explained.

"Ah. I was unaware it was a recurring issue," Robin mused, sipping the whiskey thoughtfully.

"S'not usually." Niko reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Was really bad back when it started. Not so bad now...like I said, it's been months since Everything. That was when I last did it so bad..."

And he'd had damn good reason then, I thought. I reached behind him, tugged lightly on his braid. His head nodded to it, and he rested his cheek on my head. I sat straight under his weight, supporting him. He just needed a little while to get himself sorted back out. That was all. Didn't mean I didn't wish I could've been there when he'd been freaking out and needed me, but I was here now and he still needed me.

"Can I ask how these episodes present?" Robin was asking. "Just in case."

Niko's response was a snort. "Same way I was during Everything. Hardly talk, don't feel anything. Hard to remember what I did while I was gone."

"Don't feel...that was why you were walking on a broken leg, wasn't it?" Robin exclaimed.

"It wasn't broken at first," Niko protested, but without any heat. "But yeah. I knew it was fucked up but it didn't hurt and I couldn't really do anything about it. S'like...I'm in another room, somebody else has my body."

I didn't really do that. I'd had episodes where nothing felt real, like it was all a dream, but I was always still me. I couldn't imagine what it was like for Niko - but I knew he hated it, hated being out of control. He'd been around sixteen when it had all started, and for weeks he wouldn't talk to anyone at all, wouldn't even scream at Sophia. But he'd talk to me, late at night, in quiet breathy whispers, about how everything was coming apart at the seams in his own head. It wasn't like we could've gotten him any professional help, not with our lives, but sometimes...sometimes I wondered. Would it have changed anything? Would it have made him better? Would he never have started beating me? I wouldn't ever know, I guess. That's life; you never know what could have been. Only what is.

"So if you see Nik wandering around and looking like a zombie, and he doesn't say hi, put him somewhere safe and talk to him," I advised. I had no idea if Robin would be able to get to him. I could always, always get Niko to come back out, but that was me.

"I'll remember," Robin promised, and saluted us with the last of the whiskey before he drank it down.