I Think I Might've Inhaled You

by SordidDetailsFollowing

Peter has enough problems with high school, his internship, and his arachnid alter ego. Throw in a merc with a mouth covered in unfairly sexy red spandex, and things get a little crazy. Wade just wants to eat tacos, listen to bad tween pop music, and participate in some soft-core torture and murder. When a certain little spider swings into his life, things get complicated.

10. Forever With My Poison Arms Around You

Wade

[White]
{Yellow}

{Holy fuck shit tittie gods and all that is good and bloody jesus fucking hell SPIDEYYYYYYYYY oh my god oh my god oh my god we bagged Spidey we BAGGED SPIDEY our precious Baby Boy what the fuck how did that happen oh my fucking god he kissed us fuck me with an angry snake he kissed us so good and god those noises those goddamn noises oh god and his hands and fuck fuck fuck scratch me with a thousand kitty claws he felt so damn fucking GOOD oh my god I can't even this was the best motherfucking night ever the best goddamn moment in our whole miserable shit fuck life and did you hear the way he asked for us oh my god how did we not come in our pants jesus but really why the hell didn't we fuck him we could have fucked him so good Wade so fucking good and he fucking wanted it wanted us and all we did was kiss him goddamn it and remember how he squirmed against us fucking hell with that lithe little body we could have oh my god and his voice Spidey's fucking voice I don't even know it was like fucking sex better than sex and oh god if we could just listen to him all goddamn day making those little whimpers and ugh fuck me so goddamn good and putting our hands on him on our Baby Boy and the way he liked it hot damn flaming balls of jesus he liked it so good did you see how he moved}

Yellow wouldn't stop talking. He hadn't stopped since Wade watched Spidey swing off that rooftop almost an hour ago. It was cramping Wade's crime-fighting style, to be honest, but so far any attempts he'd made to shut Yellow up had gone entirely unnoticed. He settled for just talking over the box's excitable chatter and hoping some of it got through to his obviously blown mind. "Shut the fuck up, Yellow. We didn't fuck him because he's obviously a virgin and Spidey's special. His first time shouldn't be up on the middle of some hotel rooftop when he's fucked up and emotional. It should be perfect. He deserves perfect."

{Yeah… He really does.} Yellow agreed dreamily. {He's perfect.}

Wade smirked in amusement, leaping across an alley to catch hold of a neighboring fire escape. "Oh, you're finally done? Gonna actually listen to me now?"

{Well, it wouldn't make sense for me to keep that up now that the readers are following along. They'll expect things to actually happen, you know. And it wouldn't be very entertaining if I just kept distracting you with boner material on Spidey for the rest of the chapter.}

"True that." Wade grumbled, climbing up a metal ladder to another rooftop. It was, unfortunately, true. He'd pretty much been hard since Spider-Man said "please" in that goddamn perfect voice, so desperate and pretty. And he wasn't above stopping in some alley to beat one out, but he'd promised Spidey he'd patrol tonight, and he was going to make fucking sure that there was absolutely no crime in the city. Not on his watch, not tonight. He was going to make Spidey trust him if it fucking killed him (and it might, if this stiffie lasted much longer – how long does an erection have to last before you're supposed to go to the hospital?).

{I think it's five hours, according to the Viagra commercials.}

"Talk to your doctor today to find out if Viagra is right for you!" Wade recited cheerfully. He paused on a ledge and looked out over the city, planting his hands on his hips for the full hero effect. He listened hard for any sign of crime, but it wasn't as easy as it looked. It probably helped that Spidey actually had super hearing. Wade was feeling a little useless now, but he absolutely couldn't screw up and let something bad happen when Spider-Man had trusted him with this.

{I still think you should have blown off the stupid patrol and followed Spidey home. He could be in danger!}

Wade's jaw tightened as he fought against a frown. "Spidey can take care of himself. And besides, his secret identity is important to him. I can't betray that."

{Which is more important: Spidey's identity? Or his life?}

Wade huffed a sigh and rolled his eyes. "His life, obviously. But he's super strong and he'll be ready for anything now. Not to mention if all the goblin had planned was going to Spidey's home and killing him, he would have done that last night." Not that that was a comforting thought, since it meant that the goblin most likely had something even worse planned, but Wade would take what he could get right now. He was trying desperately to convince himself that he'd made the right choice in letting Spidey go home alone. "Maybe I should call and check on him."

{You didn't get his number, dumbass. You just gave him ours.}

"Oh, right… Fuck." He pulled out his Deadpool phone to check in case Spidey had called and he hadn't heard, but there was nothing new. Several texts and emails from Weasel and a few blocked numbers offering him jobs, but he ignored those and tucked the phone back into its pouch. He paused, waiting for White to say something critical about Wade's lack of mercenary work and general lack of killing in the last couple weeks, but nothing was forthcoming. Come to think of it, White had been suspiciously silent ever since they kissed Spidey.

{Are you pouting?}

[…]

Wade frowned. "Seriously? The silent treatment? That's a new one. What's got your balls all in a twist?"

[…You won't listen to me.]

"What the fuck are you talking about? I'm listening to you right now." Wade threw his hands up in frustration.

[No. You won't listen to me. About Spider-Man.]

Wade went still, his mask falling into a blank expression as dangerous hostility settled over him. "What about Spider-Man?" He asked quietly, voice tight.

White didn't answer for a moment. [He's just going to hurt us.]

Wade tensed, hands clenching into fists at his sides. "What the fuck are you talking about?" He hissed out between his teeth.

[He only kissed us because he was scared and emotional and we were being nice. It was purely situational.]

"I don't think that's-"

{No no no no no no. No fucking way. You shut your filthy fucking mouth Spidey likes us. He wanted us. He said he liked us. Didn't he say that?}

"Yeah. He did. He said he likes us and then he called us an idiot. But in a good way!"

{Exactly. So there.}

"Right. Just shut up, White. You're wrong. We don't want to listen to your pessimistic little bullshit rants. Spidey likes us."

[Fine. I won't say anything else. I'll just keep my mouth shut until the time comes to say 'I told you so.']

Wade frowned at that, gritting his teeth, but White didn't say anything else, so he forced himself to let it go. "Fine then. Let's go kick some ass." He backed up a few steps and took a running leap to the next building. "But only criminal ass, and only in a non-lethal way!"

{Ew. No fun. Unless it leads to sex with our Spidey baby! Then it will be super fun!}

"Yeah… So worth it."

{That ass…}

Wade didn't cover much ground on foot, but he did manage to stop a corner store robbery and two attempted car jackings, so that was something at least. And he only broke four bones and left one guy mildly concussed! Points for unsupervised restraint all around.

As the navy-grey light of predawn started creeping up along the horizon, Wade called it a night and headed to his nearest safe house. His work was far from over. He threw himself down on a stain-covered couch, ordered like ten pizzas, and pulled out his most advanced tech so he could take a look at the tiny green tracker he'd slipped into one of his pockets after pulling it off Spidey.

A visual inspection of the little thing told him nothing, even under a dusty microscope he managed to drag up from somewhere.

{Really writers? Such thinly veiled planting of convenient objects in places where they wouldn't normally be… Am I sensing some laziness?}

"Hey, I'm tech savvy. I have some stuff sometimes." Wade retorted defensively.

[Sure. That's a witty argument.]

Wade just rolled his eyes and set about trying to detect whatever signal the tracker was sending out with his military-grade signal detection programs. Doing so reminded him that he hadn't swept for bugs in any of his safe houses in a long time. He hadn't bothered because he hadn't needed to. No one could kill him, so he wasn't all that concerned about safety. But now that Spidey was in danger, he'd better get his shit back up to code. No way was he gonna let that douchebag goblin, or anyone else for that matter, get at Spidey through him.

[Not to mention the new Weapon X… They're after you again. Or did you forget about that?]

Wade stiffened, his fingers going still over the keyboard as he stared at the tiny blinking cursor on the screen, frozen in the middle of a line of code. He had forgotten. Just for a moment.

"All the more reason to tighten up the ship." Wade growled after a second, resuming his rapid-fire typing. Nothing was coming up yet, but he'd only gone through a little over half the possible sequences.

{Wherever we want to go, we go. That's what a ship is, you know.}

"Sure, but we're not going anywhere just now. We're sticking in New York, for as long as Spidey will have us."

{Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate.}

"You got that right." Wade smiled to himself, remembering the way Spidey had leaned up against him, that gentle little kiss he'd pressing into Wade's chin, into his skin. God damn he was gonna jerk off so hard after he dealt with this. "Wow, that's almost wise, Yellow. You goin' all philosophical on me?"

[I can't believe you just complimented him for quoting Captain Jack Sparrow.]

Wade blinked in surprise, his fingers faltering over the keys again. "Oh, shit. Really Yellow? Daaaaamn, that's so lame. Pirates of the Caribbean is so two thousand and three."

{I regret nothing. Ever.}

"Are you still doing it?" Wade shook his head. "You're still doing it, aren't you?"

{Hide the rum!}

[Too far. It's not funny anymore.]

{There is no such thing as too many Captain Jack Sparrow quotes.}

Wade was saved from having to come up with a suitable retort by the gentle blinking of a light on his computer screen. "Aha!" A signal had been detected. He opened up the source code and took a look. "Wow, that's ironic."

{What is?}

"This tech was made by Oscorp."

[Is that ironic… Or a clue?]

Wade frowned at the screen. "You think this is related? That they might be going after Spidey for the same reason?" That thought had dread dropping heavy in his stomach.

{No no no. They can't have Spidey. They can't! We can't let Weapon X get him!} Yellow's voice was high with panic.

Wade shook his head resolutely. "No. Never. We'll never let that happen." He dove deeper into the code, trying to get as many details out of it as he could. It was encrypted pretty well. Like, better than military grade, but Wade could still figure out where it was transmitting at least. Which only confirmed his fears, because it was transmitting to a private server at Oscorp. He pulled out his phone again to check if Spidey had tried to contact him, but no dice. "I'm definitely making him give me his number tomorrow."

[If he's not already gone. Snatched up and experimented on.]

Wade sucked in a harsh breath. "Shut up. Just shut the fuck up. Why the hell would you say that?"

White's only reply was silence. Wade might have spiraled then, because he felt like screaming at White until his throat ached and a bullet in his brain would be sweet relief, but a loud knock at the door interrupted him.

Wade palmed the tiny tracker off his coffee table and went to answer the door, fishing several large bills out of his pocket with his other hand. Moments later, he was staring at the ugly face of his least favorite pizza delivery guy. Wade had asked for him specifically, the guy who always made disgusted faces when Wade came to the door without his mask and muttered about psycho freaks when he did wear his mask. Wade held out several hundred dollar bills, grinning to himself as he did so. The delivery guy grunted and tried to shift the ten (eleven?) pizzas into one hand so he could take the money. As the pizza's wobbled dangerously in the guy's unsteady grip, Wade reached out with his free hand to steady his arm. "Careful there!" He exclaimed cheerfully.

Once the money had exchanged hands, Wade took the pizzas and watched the delivery guy counting the bills with wide eyes. "Have a nice night!" Wade told him, gaze flickering to the tiny, nearly invisible spot of green on the asshole's sleeve.

"Sure… Whatever." Delivery boy muttered before turning and retreating down the hall. Wade watched him go, smile fading away.

[Spider-Man probably wouldn't approve.] White's voice was laced with venom.

Wade frowned. "Doesn't matter." It might buy him some time, even if it didn't solve anything in the long run. And if the dick pizza guy got tracked down and killed by the Green Goblin, well… That was on Wade. And he really didn't mind.

Wade kicked his door shut with one foot and threw the pizzas down on the cluttered kitchen counter, knocking off several old take-out containers and breaking what sounded like a ceramic plate. He didn't even know he owned real dishes. He grabbed the top box, not bothering to check what the toppings were, and went back to his laptop to start pulling up youtube videos of the goblin's two public appearances. He settled down to watch, pulling a slice of pineapple and sausage out of the box and rolling up his mask to start stuffing his mouth. It made him cringe to see the goblin throwing his poor Spidey around in Times Square, that feeling of helplessness and fear coming back even though it had been weeks ago now.

But he forced himself to watch, analyzing every move the villain made, how fast he was, how strong, how he thought. He would figure out this fucker's weaknesses, and how to exploit them. He would kill the bastard himself, or arm Spidey with all the tools he needed to put the goblin down like the dog he was.

He watched over and over and over and over. He watched until he could anticipate the villain's every move before he made it. It was almost noon by the time Wade finished up and dragged himself to bed to catch a few hours of sleep.

{And play with the old disco stick! We can't forget about that part.}

[I think that was assumed.]

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

By the time Wade was headed to meet Spider-Man again that night, he was half-convinced that White was right. The sullen box hadn't said anything else on the matter, but his words still chipped away at Wade's mind like a tiny pick axe until he was prepared to accept the possibility that Spidey had made a mistake, high on fear and emotional excess, and he would want to call the whole thing off as soon as they saw each other.

Even more pressing was Wade's concern that he wouldn't see Spidey at all. As in, he would be kidnapped and dead, or kidnapped and tortured, or just plain dead. Or… Just plain kidnapped.

[Any more combinations of those possibilities?]

{How about kidnapped, tortured, and dead!}

"Whoa, guys. So not helping the situation. Ever heard the phrase 'silence is golden?' Or was that patience… Who fucking knows those pearls of wisdom are so overrated. Hey, how do pearls grow in oysters? That's fucking weird." Wade twirled a knife anxiously between his fingers as he ducked down alleys and side streets, trying to find the least populated route to their usual meeting place. Any other day he'd be more than happy to skip through fucking Times Square singing Katy Perry at the top of his lungs (as he had done many times before), but now was not the time for shits and giggles. He was pretty sure he might end up slitting someone's throat just for looking at him wrong, and while that might be a fun and constructive way to take out his frustration and excess energy, he didn't think Spidey would approve.

"I'm gonna un-alive so many motherfuckers if Spidey isn't alright…" Wade muttered as he scaled the fire escape of the building next to the hotel. He couldn't even stand the thought. If Spidey wasn't okay… Well, he didn't know what he'd do.

{Reign down pain on everyone and everything that moves. Bleed this entire city. The whole fucking world. Make them all scream. Scream until they wished they were dead. Part their skin like tissue paper and make the streets run red. Splatter the walls of every room in every building with the scattered pieces of their hearts and brains. Burn them up. Slice them down. Fire and Blood.}

[Okay, Daenerys Targaryen. Cool it. You'd probably just shoot yourself in the head twenty thousand times until enough time passed that you forgot about the sneaky little wall crawler.]

Wade paused on the fire escape to hit himself several times in the head with the flat of his palm. None too gently. "Shut. The fuck. Up." He growled. "Not gonna happen, so don't even think about it."

[Since when have you been able to control what you think?]

Wade didn't answer. He just gritted his teeth and finished the long climb up to the roof. He took his time with his grappling hook after that, ignoring the fact that Yellow was humming U Can't Touch This in the background. It was still early, only about nine thirty, so he didn't expect Spidey to be there yet. Which was why he was dilly-dallying around; because he knew that as soon as he settled down to wait, he'd drive himself even more mental than he already was.

It was a surprise, then, to land on the hotel roof and almost immediately spot a familiar red and blue figure sitting with his back to Wade, legs dangling over the noisy city street below.

Wade went still, only moving to carefully tuck his grappling gun back into his belt (next to his third favorite handgun and a grenade he found under his pillow when he laid down earlier). He was pretty sure Spidey already knew he was there, since the kid had super hearing and also that crazy sixth sense of his.

{Can he see dead people?}

[Wrong movie.]

Even so, Spidey wasn't getting up or turning around to face him. Wade wasn't sure if that was bad news or not. Regardless, he was extremely relieved just to see his little spider here, all in one sexy piece. He took a couple of careful steps forward and came to stand next to an air vent.

{Quick; do something to look sexy!}

"What?" Wade muttered under his breath.

{Strike a pose or lean against something. Leaning is supposed to be sexy; we learned that on My So-Called Life.}

"Jared Leto was so hot in that… Even better than when he played the Joker or that sexy tranny in Dallas Buyers Club." Wade kept his voice low, chattering nervously even as he raised one arm and leaned against the air vent in a way that he supposed might say something like 'come hither and touch my sweet ass,' if the way he was sticking his hip out was any indication.

{He definitely had that smoldering puppy dog look down pat. So fuckable.}

[Not that I care, but maybe you wanna actually focus here?]

Wade cleared his throat, glanced down at himself, pulled out a pistol and held it casually over his crotch. He'd seen people do that in music videos and it always looked badass. He glanced up at Spidey and cleared his throat again. "Fancy meeting you here!" He called out.

[Wow. That was so smooth. If I had hands, I would applaud.]

{Oh, shut up. Ryan Reynolds can make anything look hot.}

Spidey was obviously not startled, so he had probably been aware of the mercenary's presence the entire time. Wade might have been embarrassed, except that he was kind of used to it at this point. Having many of your internal thought conversations spoken aloud was a good way to desensitize anyone to some light humiliation. Spidey turned around to look at him, his body twisting in a delicious way as he gracefully spun up onto his feet. Wade caught a quiet, breathy chuckle escaping from Spidey's mouth, and he grinned under his Deadpool mask.

"Hey." Spider-Man greeted almost shyly, stepping forward a bit but hesitating to close the distance between them. Wade took a shaky breath, suddenly feeling more nervous than before. Was Spidey acting weird? Was he keeping his distance because he'd changed his mind about Deadpool and he was just trying to think of the nicest way to say it?

"Hey." He repeated lamely, quickly tucking away his gun because he remembered that Spidey didn't like guns.

[Idiot. Of course he wouldn't think guns are sexy.]

{But… they are sexy.}

[To us.]

{Not to everyone? That's strange.}

Spidey cleared his throat and inched his way closer, until there were only a couple of feet left between them. "Hey." He repeated again, much more softly this time. His mask was focused downwards, hands clasped together in front of him, and Wade thought it might look like he was biting his lip under that thin spandex fabric.

Wade swallowed, stomach filling with pleasant warm butterflies at the sight of just how fucking adorable his little spider was. "Yes. We said that already." He replied gently, hand slipping off the air vent so he was standing up straight again.

He watched Spidey nod a little, hands fidgeting in front of him for a moment before falling away. There was a tiny little huff of breath and then the hero was stepping forward, closing the space between them. His masked lips pressed down over Wade's too light and quick, almost clumsy, before he pulled away again. And then he took a full step back, hurried as if he were afraid that Wade might push him away. Wade stared, wide-eyed at Spidey's mask, heart jumping in his chest.

Yellow squealed. {Eeeeeeeeeh oh em gee our Spidey-boy is too goddamn cute I just want to eat him up!}

"He does like us." Wade breathed, watching Spidey scuffing one toe against the ground like he was the cutest little school boy in the whole fucking world.

[He is a schoolboy. Still sixteen. Barely.]

{I know, isn't that so hot?}

Wade cleared his throat. "Spidey." The young hero looked up, white eye patches meeting, Spider-Man to Deadpool. Wade reached out and stepped in, fingers curling around the bottom edge of Spidey's mask to lift it carefully up to his nose, noticing as the teenager's breath hitched lightly. Then he lifted his own mask to his nose, pulse pounding in his ears. One arm wrapped around Spidey's slim waist to pull him close, the other hand curling gently around the back of his warm little neck. "Baby Boy…" He breathed, and watched Spidey shiver.

Wade leaned in to kiss him, lips meeting hungrily, greedily. He loved the way Spidey's arms slid up to wrap around his neck, pressing the boy's body flush against his. Wade kept it slow and gentle, leisurely licking his way into that wet, warm little piece of heaven to get another taste. Spidey practically melted against him, whimpering softly into the kiss, and god wasn't that just the hottest fucking thing? He was so responsive. He was gonna drive Wade absolutely wild if he kept clinging to him like that, pressing closer and sliding his dexterous little tongue into all the right places.

Wade pulled away with a light nip to Spidey's bottom lip, earning him a quiet gasp and a gentle press of a quickly hardening length into his thigh. Wade suppressed a groan, stroking his hand down the back of Spidey's head and neck in a repetitive petting motion, soothing him out of it. The hero let his head fall onto Wade's collarbone, and Wade listened to him breathing for a few seconds. "You okay, Baby Boy?"

Spidey nodded into his shoulder, automatically knowing what Wade meant. "Yeah." He whispered, then cleared his throat to speak more normally. "I'm fine. No sign of him yet."

"That's good." He let his hand slip down to wrap both arms securely around Spidey's waist, holding him close and just reveling in the feeling of having him here, in his arms. It filled Wade with such warmth and happiness that he thought he might cry. And he almost hated the feeling, because there was no way in hell it could last. This kind of thing just didn't happen to Deadpool. He didn't deserve it, and never got to keep it. But he still couldn't help this feeling… Whatever it was.

{We love him.} Yellow stated simply.

Wade swallowed past a lump in his throat and nodded imperceptibly, ignoring White's silent seething. And if that made him hold Spidey even closer, almost crushing the poor boy against him, well… It was only because he knew this was temporary, and he was going to hold on to his Baby Boy for as long as he could have him.

After a few more precious moments, Wade loosened his hold, allowing Spidey to lift his head and step back just a little, the mercenary's arms still latched loosely around his waist. "I did some research." Wade said gently. "Are you ready to talk about that?"

Spider-Man nodded. "Yeah, let's um… Let's sit?"

Wade reluctantly released Spidey from his hold and followed him over to the edge of the roof, where they both dropped to the ground and dangled their legs over the edge. Wade's breath caught when Spidey took his hand and interlaced their fingers together. It took him a moment to remember what they were going to talk about. "Right, so… We found out where the tracker was transmitting data. It was a private server at Oscorp."

[Which is also where Weapon X is rising from the ashes, coincidentally.]

"Not helpful right now." Wade hissed. "There wasn't much else to get out of it… As far as I can tell, it was turned on since about seven o'clock the night before last."

"He was waiting for me." Spidey murmured, shoulders tensing. And god, Wade wanted to rip that nasty green bitch apart limb by limb and spill his blood all across the city for going after his Baby Boy. Spidey cleared his throat and shook his head. "That doesn't tell us anything about who it could be. Oscorp rents out server space to anyone who has the money to pay for it."

Wade nodded, his chest tightening slightly with helplessness because they weren't any closer to identifying the bastard. Maybe if he went to some of his underground contacts…The ones he only used when he had to locate a particularly crafty mark. He'd do that tomorrow, see what he could turn up. Wade began to subconsciously stroke his gloved thumb across the back of Spidey's hand. "I studied up on the videos of the goblin's public appearances. He's a youtube star now, by the way. How fucking lame is that?" Spidey let out a short chuckle, and Wade smiled. "Anyway, I think we can say for sure that he's a super. Definitely not just human."

Spidey nodded thoughtfully, staring off into the distance. "He's too strong. And fast. Faster than me."

Wade shook his head emphatically. "Not faster than you. He's not. I can tell. You're just not used to fighting anyone that can keep up with you."

Spidey glanced sideways at him and the set of his mouth was incredulous. "You're just saying that to be nice or something. He beat me, Pool. Badly."

Wade was already shaking his head emphatically. "No. Stop that, Spidey. I wouldn't lie to you about that shit and you know it." His tone softened when he saw Spidey glance down sheepishly. "He's not faster than you. Or stronger. You hold back when you fight. I know you have to with the normies you're usually webbing up, so you don't accidentally kill them or whatever, but it's a bad habit in this case. He only seems faster than you because you rely on your spider sense too much. You only move that fast when your body tells you to. You need to learn how to control it and use it when you're not about to get hit by a bullet or one of those stupid Batman throwing knives."

{It would be so much cooler if we got to kill Batman…}

Spidey stared up at Wade, lips parted slightly in surprise. "How do you know all that?"

Wade glanced down at their joined hands and hoped that his next words wouldn't sound too creepy. "I watch you a lot."

[Right. That's totally not stalker-ish at all.]

Wade sighed. "And, um, I watched the videos of you and the less attractive Green Lantern like a hundred times last night." He raised his gaze to Spidey's mask and stared into where his eyes should be. "I can help you beat him. You just need to practice not holding back."

{Oooooor we could just kill the green guy ourselves and solve all of Spidey's problems!}

Wade turned his head away to hiss under his breath. "Shut it. We can't be with him all the time. And he wouldn't want us to anyway."

{Spoilsport. Don't you think he'd forgive all that if we successfully got rid of the psycho super who's trying to kill and/or kidnap him?}

Spidey squeezed Wade's hand, pulling his attention back to him again. "That's really nice of you, Red. And it's helpful to know that stuff. But how am I supposed to practice not holding back while I fight? I can't exactly ask Thor to stop by and spar with me."

A slow grin spread across Wade's mouth. "Oh, Baby Boy. You've got your own personal highly skilled practice dummy right here, ready and willing. And I can't even get hurt!"

Spidey's mouth was turning down into a cute little frown. "You can still get hurt, even if it's not permanent. I don't want to hurt you, Deadpool."

Wade laughed. "It's cute that you think you could hurt me, Spidey." His voice lowered. "But you've never seen me fight. Not really."

He watched Spidey shiver slightly, and couldn't help the slight tightening in his groin area. Maybe this wasn't his best idea after all…

{Nonsense. This is going to be so much fun!}

[It's not supposed to be fun.]

{Sure it is! You just don't like fun. Because you're a party pooper.}

"I… Guess we could try." Spidey didn't sound too sure about that, but Wade would take what he could get.

"Great!" He sprung to his feet, easily pulling Spidey up with him. The kid weighed like fifty pounds soaking wet. "Let's start right now."

"Now? Here?"

"Why not?" Wade shrugged, glancing around the spacious, empty rooftop. "Better to start as soon as possible, so you're ready whenever he might come for you."

Spidey seemed taken aback by that, but he nodded slowly. "Yeah… You're right. Okay, then."

"Of course I'm right." Wade grinned. "I'm always right. Haven't you learned that about me?" Spidey laughed softly, and it was all worth it just to hear that sound. Wade let go of his little spider's hand, albeit reluctantly, and started pulling things from his belt. He set knife after knife on the ground at the edge of the roof. "I brought a few dulled blades so we can practice with those. Wouldn't want to slice you up on accident."

{No… Only on purpose. God, I bet his blood tastes so sweet, like sugar and maple syrup.}

[It would taste sweeter if we were licking it off the walls…]

Wade swallowed, placing the last real knife at the end of his line, now counting close to twenty. He started laying down his guns next, taking the ones from his hip and leg holsters first, then pulling them from less conventional places like his boots and katana straps. "No guns for today. I don't think the goblin uses them, but I have rubber bullets if you ever want to practice with those later." Then he went through his pouches, pulling out a few ninja stars, a pair of nun chucks, brass knuckles, his grappling gun, a garrote wire, and two… no, three grenades. "Don't want to practice with those!" He laughed to himself. "A little too much bang for your buck, if you know what I mean." Lastly, he carefully slung his babies off his back and lay them down at the end of the line, patting them gently as if he were tucking them into bed. "Don't worry." He whispered to them. I'll let you out to play later." He stood up straight and patted himself down, checking that he only had dulled knives on him now. "Oh! I almost forgot." He angled his body away from Spidey and shoved a hand down his pants, carefully slipping his last tiny knife out of its super-secret hiding place.

{Shhhhhh no one saw that.}

Wade cleared his throat and turned back to Spidey, clapping his hands together. "Alrighty then. Let's get started!"

Spider-Man was staring at him, dumbfounded, mouth hanging open in utter shock and awe.

Wade blinked at him. "What?"

Spidey managed to close his mouth, shaking his head as he gestured towards the extensive stockpile of weaponry now laid out on the roof. "What… How… Where did all that even come from?"

Wade grinned. "A magician never reveals his secrets, love! Just kidding. They came from my belt, duh! And some pockets in my suit. Oh, and my boots. And straps and such. I've learned how to get creative."

Spidey just shook his head again, clearly still having trouble believing that Wade had managed to hide so many dangerous objects on his person. "Right… Um, okay. Let's start, I guess." He took a few steps backwards, leading them towards the middle of the roof, and Wade followed. They came to stand a couple of yards away from each other, Spidey looking like he wasn't exactly sure what he should be doing with himself.

Wade sighed and silently hoped that it wouldn't be too hard to get the hero to loosen up and actually put some effort into this. He'd have to show Spidey that he wasn't easily hurt. "Okay, let's start simple so you can get over your silly little fear of hurting me." Spidey frowned, but Wade hurried on before he could protest. "Just try to hit me, okay? Doesn't have to be hard at first. And no webs yet. Just try to land a punch."

Spider-Man nodded slowly and raised his fists, like a cute little boxer. "Alright." He acquiesced, and Wade knew he'd be holding back. Which meant that Deadpool could not. He had to prove that he could take Spider-Man, no holds barred.

[Here we go…]

{Eeh, I'm so excited! Finally fighting someone that might be a bit of a challenge!}

Wade had to admit that he was a little excited too. So it was easy, when Spidey darted forward to aim a weak punch at his cheek, to duck under the kid's arm and kick out at his back, knocking Spider-Man roughly onto his hands and knees.

Spidey looked over his shoulder at Deadpool, lips parted in surprise. "Again." Wade demanded, not allowing himself to feel bad for knocking his boy down. If he tried harder, it wouldn't even be an issue. And that was his goal, after all.

Spidey leapt to his feet, hesitating for a second before attacking again. This time he feinted to one side before aiming a hit at the other. Wade dodged easily, knocking Spidey's fist aside with the flat of his hand and spinning to kick the hero in the chest, knocking him backwards several feet. "Again."

Spidey ran forward and flipped over Wade, swinging at him as soon as he landed. Wade dropped to a crouch and swept one leg out, trying to knock Spidey's feet out from under him. Spidey jumped out of the way. Wade didn't stop moving, allowing his momentum to spin him back up and around, grabbing onto Spidey's arm and twisting it behind his back, immobilizing him. Wade paused for a moment, leaning in to breath against the little spider's ear. "You're not even trying. Again."

{Oh my god. This is so hot.}

Spider-Man grunted slightly and broke out of Wade's hold, finally using a bit of his super strength to do so. He aimed a kick at Wade's stomach. Wade dodged. Spidey struck out at his face, faster than before. Wade dodged. He didn't have a spidey sense to help him out, but he had pretty fantastic reflexes. Spidey let loose a series of kicks and punches, trying to land something, anything, on Deadpool. Wade dodged or blocked them all, a grin forming on his mouth as they danced together in a flurry of beautiful violence, each step perfectly coordinated. Finally, Wade caught hold of one of Spidey's wrists, got his other hand around that pretty little neck, kicked one of his feet out from under him, and slammed the hero down onto his back, straddling his hips and hooking his boots over Spidey's thighs to pin him down.

He stared down at the little spider, still grinning predatorily. They were both breathing a little more heavily than usual, and Wade watched as a dark red flush spread up Spidey's neck and jaw. Wade loosened his grip on that neck, smile fading as he felt the pounding of Spidey's pulse under his fingers. He started to lean back, ready to get off the boy so they could start again.

All of a sudden, Spidey's hands were at the back of his head and his mouth was attacking Wade's, angry and desperate, all tongue and teeth and need and Spidey was pressing up into him and pulling him down at the same time, forcing them closer together. He managed to slip his legs out from under Wade's restraint and hooked his knees over Wade's hips, pulling them down onto his. Wade let out a moan, surprised and turned on beyond reason. Spidey's hands slid down to claw at the front of his Deadpool's suit, fisting it in his fingers as if he wanted to tear it off, his mouth working with abandon to consume Wade's, and his head swam pleasantly with heat and pleasure. Wade deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue over Spidey's in a filthy way that had them both moaning breathlessly into it. Spidey thrust his hips up against Wade's, pressing their hardening lengths together, and Wade shuddered at the contact. His hands slipped down Spidey's body to grip at his hips, holding them still as he ground down, causing the hero to break their kiss, gasping and making these obscene little whining noises as he tried desperately to move against Wade.

"Fuck." Wade groaned, dropping his head down into Spidey's neck. "Oh fucking hell…" He pressed his thumbs into Spidey's hip bones, so hard he thought they might bruise, and forced himself to still his hips. "Shit, we should… Mm, pause, Baby Boy. Just hold… Hold on."

Spidey made a sound of protest, one hand tugging at the back of Wade's mask until he could lift his head and crash their mouths together again, resuming their urgent kiss. "Need you…" He mumbled into it, thrusting his hips up even though Wade was pinning them down with almost all his strength, and fuck that was so hot… Wade moaned, desire laced with frustration, but he forced himself to pull away after a few moments, panting softly and absolutely aching for more.

{No no no no no don't stop don't stop don't stop}

He ignored Yellow and propped himself up on his elbows, not pulling away but allowing a bit of distance between their faces. "We should… Just… We need, um…" Spidey looked up at him, biting down on his bottom lip, and Wade felt a sudden, desperate longing to see his eyes. To take that mask off and dispel the layer between them, to see the look in his eyes, to see how he looked at Deadpool… He swallowed, and tried to focus. "You're still young, and-"

Spidey grunted in frustration and slung both his arms around Wade's neck. "I thought we covered that. I'm not a kid. I'm not as innocent as people might think." As if to prove himself, Spidey started trailing wet little kisses over the skin of Wade's neck, causing the mercenary's eyes to flutter shut.

Wade licked his lips. "No, I… It's not that. You're just a lot less experienced than me in… this area, and I don't want us to move too fast." Spidey scoffed, the rush of air across Wade's dampened skin making him shiver. "Well, you're a virgin, aren't you?" Spidey fell silent, and when Wade blinked down at him he could see that beautiful skin flushing a darker shade. He grinned and leaned down to press a kiss into the corner of the teenager's mouth. "It's not a problem, Baby Boy." His voice lowered. "In fact, it's hot as fuck…" Spidey shivered, and Wade resisted the urge to eat him alive here and now. "It's just that we need to set up some rules."

Spidey blinked up at him, throat moving slightly as he swallowed. "Rules?"

Wade nodded. "Have you heard of the color system?"

If it was possible, Spidey's skin flushed even darker than it already was. "Yeah." He breathed.

{Oooh, our little spider has done some research! How hot is that…}

"Good." Wade smiled. "Green means good to go. Yellow if we're moving too fast or anything feels uncomfortable at all. Red stops everything, no questions asked. Got it?" Spidey nodded. "Good boy. We'll set up a safe word later, but this should be fine for now."

Spidey squirmed underneath him and Wade's smile widened into a grin. "You like that, Baby Boy?" Spidey's breath rushed out in a huff, and he pressed his hips up into Wade's again, fingers grasping at the back of his neck. He was hard as fuck. Wade moaned, dropping his head to nip at Spidey's bare neck. "You're so fucking needy for me, aren't you Spidey?" The light whimper and a desperate roll of his hips were answer enough. Wade slid a hand down to finger the edge of Spidey's suit shirt and slip underneath, palm skimming over the hard muscle of his stomach. "Color?" Wade breathed against his skin, testing him.

Spidey sucked in a broken breath and clutched at the back of Wade's suit. "Green." He choked out, voice already sounding wrecked. Wade hummed against his neck and began sucking small bruises into his skin. He was sure they'd be gone by the morning, but it still satisfied something needy and possessive inside of him to mark Spidey as his own.

"Good." He murmured, stroking his hand over Spidey's stomach and down his side, slipping one thumb under the waistband of his suit pants. He thrust down a couple of times before pulling their hips apart, having to practically pry Spider-Man's legs off him in order to slide down so he could press wet, open-mouthed kisses into the smooth skin of his stomach, one hand landing lightly on Spidey's hard cock, straining against the tight spandex. "Now?"

The hero's breath was coming in short, shallow gasps as one hand gripped at the back of Wade's head, the other landing on his shoulder. "G-Green… Green." Wade hummed again and licked across tight, smooth abs, precome dampening his own suit as he stroked his fingers lightly, teasingly over Spidey's length. Spidey let out a low moan, thrusting shallowly into Wade's hand, and for a moment Wade found himself wondering if this was real, or a wonderful hallucination.

{Does it matter? Jesus fuck this is so perfect we should never ever stop.}

No. It didn't matter. Wade scraped his teeth over perfect skin and pressed his palm down, rubbing more firmly and Spidey gasped and writhed, the perfect picture of lust and need and gods, Wade was gonna come in his pants again. He curled his fingers over the top of Spidey pants and pulled them down just an inch. "Color?"

Spidey whined. "Please… Please, Pool…" Wade shuddered, but didn't move forward.

"Color?" He demanded again. Not because he didn't think Spidey was being clear, but… He needed to make sure the boy understood the system. Needed to train him to know that he wouldn't get what he wanted if he didn't follow the rules.

"Green!" Spidey gasped, hands tightening their grip on Wade. "Fuck, green, please." Wade let out a shaky breath and pulled Spidey's pants down, the teenager lifting his hips to help the process along. His dick slipped free of its restraints and Wade thought two mind-blowing things at the exact same time. First, Spidey didn't wear underwear under his suit. Second, he had the most beautiful dick Wade had ever seen. It was well-sized, though not huge, and perfectly proportioned. Wade's mouth watered and his own dick twitched in his suit.

"You could be a dick model." He breathed, and Spidey let out a breathless chuckle, cut short by a moan as Wade wrapped his fingers around the base of his cock. He still had his gloves on, so he kept his grip light as he slid his fingers up, then back down that beautiful length. Spidey shuddered hard, his fingers digging into Wade's shoulder and the back of his skull. "Color?" Wade breathed, voice shaky as he leaned in to flick his tongue lightly over Spider-Man's tip.

Spidey cried out softly, body tensing and shaking as he thrust his hips up towards Wade's mouth. Wade drew back, licking his lips and waiting for the magic word. "Green fuck oh my god green please, D-Deadpool, green…"

Wade shivered, his free hand landing on Spidey's hip as he swallowed hard, heat pooling in his stomach. "You can call me Wade." He murmured, squeezing lightly around Spidey's cock.

Spidey gasped. "Wade." He breathed, tone reverent and desperate all at once. "Wade, fuck, Wade…" The name tumbled from his lips as if it had been sitting on the tip of his tongue, as if he'd been waiting to say it.

Wade groaned, almost tumbling over the edge when Spidey said his name like that. "Yeah, Baby Boy… Say my name. I love it when you say my name." He leaned forward, sinking his lips over Spidey's cock and taking it down all at once.

Spidey cried out again, back arching off the rooftop as he tipped his head back. "Wade! Oh my god Wade oh my god." Wade moaned, hallowing out his cheeks and sucking lightly. He stroked his tongue over the underside of Spidey's length as he pulled up slightly and sunk back down again. "Ah… Fuck Wade…" Spidey sounded close to the edge, voice shaking as he thrust shallowly into Wade's mouth. And fuck, Wade was right there with him. The taste of him, warm and salty and perfect and the way he said his name… Wade wasn't going to last long either.

He removed his hand from Spidey's hip and shoved it into his own pants, moaning lightly as he wrapped his fingers around himself and shivered at the feeling of leather on his sensitive skin. He set up a quick rhythm, bobbing over Spidey's dick and sucking lightly, each whimper and gasp falling from the hero's lips sending sparks of fire through his veins. It didn't take long until Spidey was tensing up, his hand pulling at Wade's mask in warning as he choked out his name. Wade moaned and shoved his mouth down until his lips brushed the skin at Spidey's base, the head of his cock pressed against Wade's throat.

"Wade! Fuck, Wa- Ah… Wade…" Spidey thrust in as he came, his whole body shuddering as he shot hot and heavy into Wade's throat. Wade whimpered, heat flashing through him at the sensation, and pleasure sunk into his fucking bones as Spidey called out his name. He tipped over the edge with a jolt, spilling inside his pants once again.

When his orgasm finally faded away, Wade pulled off Spidey's cock as gently as he could, suppressing a shiver as the young hero whimpered, fallen totally lax against the rooftop. He slipped his hand from his pants and wiped it carelessly off on his thigh, crawling forward to press a kiss into Spidey's flushed cheek. His lips were parted and his breath was heavy. God, he looked so hot like this…

"I could just eat you up." Wade breathed.

Spidey chuckled. "Now's not the time for quoting Where the Wild Things Are, Wade."

Wade stared down at Spidey, his chest suddenly feeling tight, like he couldn't get enough air into his lungs.

{He's so perfect. He's perfect for us, Wade. Let's keep him. We need to keep him and never let him go. I don't care if we have to tie him up and keep him in our closet, we need him.}

[If we really love him, we'll let him go.]

Wade swallowed against the burning in his throat, blinking hard under the mask as he reached down to very carefully, very gently pull Spidey's pants back up and tuck his shirt down into its proper place. "Baby Boy…" Wade smoothed his hands over Spidey's chest, his voice thick. "It's always the time for that."

Spidey chuckled again, low and deliciously relaxed, and tugged on Wade's arms until he'd maneuvered the mercenary into lying down beside him, head resting on the hero's shoulder. Spidey wrapped his other arm lightly around Wade's chest and held him there. Wade froze, his heart beginning to pound. It was too much, just… Just lying here. Being… Being held. Wade was afraid he might start crying. Or something worse. So he shifted slightly, not allowing himself to get comfortable, and took a deep breath.

"So… I guess you like it when I pin you down, huh?"

{Way to ruin the moment.}

[Shut up. He had to.]

Now Spidey was the one squirming in discomfort, an adorable little huff of a sigh passing through his lips.

"It's okay, Baby Boy." Wade grinned, propping himself up on one elbow so he could look at Spidey. "I like it. I like all sorts of stuff. In fact, I'm what you might call a kink collector."

{Don't scare the poor boy.}

"Just kidding! I mean, kind of. Not really. Nothing too crazy. I mean… Well… Okay pretty much anything can turn me on, but don't let that freak you out. I just mean… Shut up." The boxes hadn't even said anything, but Wade could practically hear them thinking it. "Anyway. My point is that it's hot as fuck and you shouldn't be embarrassed. Now how about we go back to practicing your fighting skills? Because I think that went really well."

Spidey grinned and shook his head in amusement, sitting up next to Wade and stretching his arms over his head. Wade watched, getting half hard again simply thinking about the fact that he had just sucked Spidey's dick. On a goddamn rooftop. Maybe he really was hallucinating. "What time is it?" Spidey asked.

Wade sat up too and looked at his watch. It was a Disney Princess watch because his Hello Kitty one had gotten smashed in a fight with a drug dealer and Spider-Man had only let him wail about it for two minutes and he didn't even get to kill the asshole who was responsible. Anyway. "Ten thirty."

Spidey sighed. "Actually, I kind of have to walk my, um, family member home from work in about an hour. So we should probably patrol."

Wade frowned. "I think making sure you're prepared for this bitch goblin takes precedence over stopping a few robberies, Spidey."

Spidey shook his head as he got to his feet, mouth immediately settling into a hard line. "No." He said firmly. "It doesn't. Saving people is always the first priority."

Wade's frown deepened as he stood, gaining a few inches on the little spider. "That's bullshit. You can't save people if you don't take care of yourself first."

Spidey scowled. "I can't shirk my responsibilities just to practice fighting, which I already know how to do pretty well, thank you very much, for just one extra hour. That's an hour I could spend saving someone from being robbed. Or getting raped. Or killed."

Wade let out his breath in a hiss, fists clenching at his sides. "You're too noble for your own good." He muttered. But he lowered his gaze and gave in anyway. "Fine. But we're practicing again tomorrow. And I will not tolerate you half-assing it because you're afraid to hurt me. You can't hurt me." Not in that way, anyhow. Wade turned and starting walking towards his extensive pile of weapons to return them all to their rightful places, silently seething that he didn't even get to use the dull knives he'd brought especially for this.

Spider-Man stopped him with a hand on his arm, trailing down until he could tangle his fingers with Wade's. The mercenary's breath caught in his throat as Spidey pulled him into a gentle hug. "I promise I won't." He pressed his face into Wade's chest and Wade wondered if he could hear his heart beating. "Don't worry, okay? I'll be fine. I won't hold back next time." Wade knew he didn't mean with him. "I'll remember what you said and I'll be okay." Wade nodded stiffly, his hands rising to rest on Spidey's back, holding him there for just a moment.

"I know." He mumbled. Spidey pulled back and leaned up to press the sweetest kiss to Wade's lips, stealing his breath away. Then he released the man completely and stepped away, only to land a sharp, open-palmed slap to Wade's ass.

"Now go get all your toys so we can get to work." Spidey was grinning, and Wade stared at him for a moment, mouth hanging open in shock.

He recovered relatively quickly, sucking in a gasp and slapping his hands to his cheeks in surprise. "Oh, Spidey! You naughty dog, you. I left my dildos and vibrators at home. But I'm sure we can improvise." He grinned in satisfaction as he spotted that telltale flush spreading over Spidey's skin. He skipped away to his weapons and started gathering them up, slipping them quickly and precisely into all the right places, being especially careful with the knife he kept in his super-secret hiding spot…

Spider-Man was standing beside him when he finished, smiling at him in a fond sort of way that made Wade's chest ache. "Ready?" He asked.

Wade nodded. "Oh, wait!" He reached out and rolled Spidey's mask back down, pausing only long enough to slide his thumb across that beautiful bottom lip before it disappeared behind the sinful red fabric.

Spidey reached out to do the same for him, and Wade had to suppress a shiver as the boy slid his fingers over the scars that covered his jaw and mouth, gentle and feather light. Then he rolled the mask down and Wade took a shaky breath. "Okay. Now we're ready."

They only stopped one drunken fight behind a bar, not catching any more crimes in the next hour. And it totally wasn't because they stopped to make out in the dark corner of an alley. Twice.

{So fucking worth it.}

Wade didn't get Spidey to give him his phone number, but he did make him promise to text him as soon as he got home safely.

He did, about an hour later, and Wade could breath again. He saved the strange number (not a New York area code; probably a random number assigned by one of those texting apps) under "Baby Boy 3" and responded with about a hundred X's and O's. Spidey didn't text him back, but that was okay. The boy was probably exhausted.

[Or he wants to keep this professional.]

That was okay, too. Spidey hadn't given him his number for personal usage; only to let Wade know that he was safe. Wade could respect that.

He sat in front of his good laptop in the safe house he'd been in earlier that day, eating leftover pizza (which had just been sitting on the kitchen counter since he ordered it, but Wade figured it wouldn't go bad that fast) and trying to hack into the second most secure server system in the country.

The Iron Dick had the most secure.

{Fuck wad.}

SHIELD had the third, and the U.S. government had the fourth. Wade had plenty of experience hacking into both of those systems. Oscorp, on the other hand, was proving to be a bit of a challenge.

"Fucking shit dicks in hell why would anyone put up ten fucking Ouroboros safeguards in row? This would take weeks to crack if I worked fucking nonstop."

[That's why. Obviously.]

"They must have a shit ton of firepower to keep operating like this. I mean just the RAM required to uphold such a ridiculously redundant operation…"

{We'll need to find another way.}

Wade sighed in heavy frustration and shoved the useless laptop away from him, knocking over a few beer bottles onto the ground.

[…We do know someone who works at Oscorp…]

Wade frowned. "You want to use Peter?"

{Ooh, good idea! I miss that cute piece of ass.}

Wade shook his head. "No. No way. I'm not getting him mixed up in this. He's innocent."

[He wouldn't get hurt.] White urged craftily, voice silky smooth and soothing. [He wouldn't even know what we were up to. We could just drop by for a friendly visit, slip a little virus onto his work computer… Totally untraceable. He'd be fine.]

Wade tapped his fingers restlessly against his thigh, thinking it over. "I'm not taking any risks with him. If it looks like things might not turn out squeaky clean, if there's even a whiff of danger for Peter, we're out."

[Sounds fine to me.]

{Yeah, good plan!}

Wade sighed, pulling up Peter's texts on his phone. If he was being honest with himself, he missed the kid too. It'd be nice to see him again.

heyyyyy petey pie
wanna hang after school 2day?

Even though it was almost one in the morning, Peter responded in less than two minutes.

I'd love to, but I have to work :(
We could do breakfast? At like 7 if that's not too early for you.

{Awwwww so sweet! He's like a little Peter Rabbit.}

Wade furrowed his brow in confusion. They'd never done that before. But sooner was probably better, so he wasn't going to question his luck too much.

damn thats early
fine 4 me but wont u loose ur precious sleep time?
growing boys need their rest ;)

Peter responded almost instantly this time.

Yeah. But I want to see you.

Wade stared down at his phone in surprise. Peter… wanted to see him? That much? He would rearrange his life just to see Wade at the crack of dawn on a Monday? He frowned slightly, confused by the sudden rush of warmth he felt towards the kid. No one had gone out of their way to spend time with him like that in years… No one but Spidey.

ok u name the place i'll b there

Cheryl's Diner on 80th and Madison?

Wade sighed, already feeling a little guilty about what he was planning to do.

see u then bb

Guilt wouldn't stop him though. Not so long as Peter remained safe and naïve to the whole thing. He needed to get access to Oscorp's files. He needed to know who was using the Green Goblin's server. And he needed to know what the corporation had from Weapon X, what they were doing with it, and what they were planning.

{Watch out Os-creep. Here we fucking come.}

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Wade got to the restaurant early. It might have been surprising, since he wasn't exactly a punctual person, but he hadn't slept much last night and he'd been lying in bed staring at the ceiling at six, so he said what the fuck and headed over ahead of time. Let's be honest; Wade didn't sleep well on a normal day. And last night he'd been particularly distracted by murderous thoughts about Oscorp and the Green Goblin (mostly fueled by White) and sexy thoughts about Spidey (equally fueled by Yellow and Wade). He'd also given his right hand some exercise (several times) since memories of Spidey's perfect dick in his mouth just wouldn't leave his head. He didn't really mind that part.

He scanned the diner through its front windows, looking for Peter's head full of sexily messy brown hair, but he didn't spot him yet. He didn't go in and get a table like a normal person might have. Giant, disfigured and dangerous looking men garnered a lot of attention when they entered someplace alone. There would be less stares when he came in with Peter, or if he could come in and immediately sit with Peter. Apparently people saw you as less dangerous if you were seen with someone else, as if the simple act of interacting with another person meant that you weren't a deranged loser loner who could kill someone without batting an eye. Whatever. So Wade skulked across the street, hiding behind a newspaper stand, and kept an eye out for Peter.

He glanced down self-consciously at his red Spider-Man sweatshirt and jeans, never quite comfortable in civilian clothes these days. He wondered what Spidey was doing right now. Headed to school, maybe. Or just waking up. He wondered what Spidey looked like getting out of bed in the morning, hair mussed from the pillow and eyes still heavy with sleep. Wade couldn't help but picture Spidey with hair like Peter's. He wasn't sure why; Spider-Man could have blond hair. Or no hair at all.

{Oh my god he has hair. Of course he has hair. Soft, thick hair. Hair that we could sink our fingers into. Like Peter's.}

Wade hummed in agreement and reached for the nearest paper just to have something to pretend to look at. The front page sported a sickening picture of Tony I-eat-dicks-for-breakfast Stark at the ribbon cutting ceremony for some uppity orphanage for underprivileged gay kids or something. He was even holding a literal giant pair of scissors. Wade didn't hold back from making a loud retching sound and throwing the paper back on the rack. The elderly gentleman running the stand gave Wade a very dirty look. Wade just stuck his tongue out and picked up a magazine with Ryan Reynolds on the front.

{Mm… hot stuff.}

"If we fucked Ryan Reynolds, would that be like incest? Or… Self-cest? I don't know what the term for that would be."

[Maybe just masturbation?]

"Ooh, yeah, that makes sense. Clever." He tossed the confused looking salesman a hundred-dollar bill and slid the magazine into his hoodie pocket, glancing across the street to check for Peter. Sure enough, there he was, arriving with impeccable timing.

{Thanks, writers!}

Wade couldn't help but smile to himself as he watched Peter skating down the sidewalk, easily weaving his way through the early morning foot traffic. He was looking as sexy as ever in plain blue jeans, ripped a bit at the knees, a simple NASA t-shirt and red zip-up jacket. Black framed glasses and a worn blue backpack completed his school-boy hipster nerd look and rounded out the image to utter perfection. And his hair… It was a fucking mess. A beautiful fucking mess. Wade shook his head to himself as Peter came to a stop in front of the diner, flipping the board up into his hand with ease. Wade glanced sideways for a break in the traffic and started crossing the street, figuring it would be less awkward to enter together.

Peter seemed to hesitate at the door for a moment before glancing behind himself and catching sight of Wade. The wide, happy smile that spread across Peter's face when he saw the man made Wade's heart stutter. What the hell had he done to make Peter look at him like that?

"Hey." He greeted when he had stepped onto the sidewalk beside the boy, unable to help the small smile that spread across his face in return.

"Hey, W-Wade." Peter ducked his head, a light flush spreading over his lovely, lightly freckled cheeks.

Wade raised an eyebrow (or, the place where his eyebrow would be if he had those). "What's up, Pete? Did my name do something to offend you?"

"No." Peter chuckled, as if that were particularly funny. "No, not at all." He didn't offer any more details on the matter, just gestured at the diner doors. "Wanna go in? I have to leave for school in like forty-five minutes. I mean, I'm always almost late for first period so it's not that big of a deal, but… You know. School's important, or whatever."

Wade laughed lightly. "Yeah, sure. Stay in school, just say no, use a condom. All that jazz." He stepped forward to open the door, holding it so Peter could walk in first.

Peter grinned as he entered, ducking under Wade's raised arm to pass through the doorway. "That's great advice, Wade. Did you learn that on an infomercial?"

"Sesame Street, actually. Only educational tv you ever need to watch. I learned everything I know from the Street."

Peter led them to a table in the back and Wade slid into the seat facing the rest of the restaurant, a safety habit he could never quite shake. "I believe it." Peter said, shit-eating grin still plastered over his face as he looked at Wade.

Wade smiled back, confused but somewhat tickled by all the positive attention.

[Why is he looking at you like that?]

{Shut up, it's nice. He likes us.}

[No one likes us…]

{Spidey does.}

Wade cleared his throat and picked up his menu from the table, desperate for some distraction before Yellow and White started fighting. "What's good here?" He asked, even though he already knew what he would be ordering.

Peter picked up his own menu and looked it over, his gaze flickering back up to Wade every few seconds. "Um… I like the French toast."

Wade shook his head in mock disappointment. "Peter, Peter, Peter. I thought you were supposed to be American. Have some patriotism, why don't you? Call if Freedom toast."

Peter rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. "I'm not changing the name of an established food item just because it references another country. Besides, you're Canadian. What do you care?"

"Oh, I don't." Wade shrugged with a lopsided grin.

The waitress chose that moment to show up, pulling a pencil and a pad of paper from her little white apron.

{We'd look so good in an apron…}

"What can I get you folks to drink this morning?" The young girl's gaze slid over Wade's face, a familiar mixture of curiosity and pity in her expression, before flickering over to Peter. She smiled a little more warmly at him.

"Um… Coffee, please." Wade looked over Peter's face, noticing the dark circles under his eyes now that he wasn't distracted by the teenager's stupidly attractive smile.

"And for you, hun?"

"Just water." Wade stated, still looking at Peter's face. Peter glanced up and met his eyes, his cheeks immediately gaining some color when he caught Wade looking. Wade smirked slightly, strangely satisfied by that reaction.

"Alrighty then. And are you ready to order or do you need a minute?"

Peter looked questioningly at Wade, so the mercenary reluctantly focused his attention on their waitress. "Yeah, we're ready. I'll have the banana pancakes with extra pancakes and a large side of Canadian bacon. Like three sides of bacon." He handed the menu over to her.

"And for you, love?" She smiled at Peter again, and Wade quickly squashed down the inkling of jealousy that sprouted in his stomach.

"I'll have the French toast, please." Peter smiled back at her, like the polite boy that he was, and handed over his menu, too.

"You got it! I'll have that out for you guys in just a few minutes, alright?"

"Thank you!" Peter told her, earning another bright, definitely flirty smile before the waitress flounced off with their orders.

Wade scowled after her.

{Stupid bitch. We should steal that apron when we leave.}

[Don't be juvenile. It wouldn't even fit around Wade's fat waist.]

"Hey, I'm not fat." Wade muttered. "I'm muscular."

He glanced up when he thought he heard Peter chuckle under his breath, but the boy was looking out the window, an innocent expression painted over his face.

"Aren't you a little young to be nursing a coffee addiction?" Wade asked.

Peter rolled his eyes. "I'm sixteen. Tons of people my age drink coffee." He picked up his napkin and fiddled with it between his fingers. "But, no… I don't usually drink it. I just had a late night last night, that's all."

Wade planted his elbows on the table and leaned forward, resting his chin in one hand. "Up all night partying?"

Peter snorted. "Hardly. I had a paper to finish that I'd been putting off for too long."

"I see. So you were doing cute nerd things."

Peter rolled his eyes again (he seemed fond of doing that; maybe it was a teenager thing). Quite suddenly and seemingly out of the blue, he asked a question. "Why do you like Spider-Man so much?"

Wade blinked, taken aback by the inquisition. Why was Peter asking that? He couldn't know about Wade and Spidey's recent foray into the realm of romance, could he? "Huh?"

[Always the with the silver-tongued rapier wit.]

Peter nodded at Wade's sweatshirt. "You like Spider-Man a lot, right? Why?"

Oh, yeah. Like in a regular number one fan sort of way. Wade shrugged. "What's not to like? I mean he's perfect. He's got super cool powers and he uses them for good. And he's just genuinely such a nice guy, you know? Like he's really kind and he cares about people. Not just people that he knows, but like everyone. And he works so hard, going out and saving people literally every night. He pushes himself so hard because it's what he thinks is right, even if it means he's constantly tired and busy. And he's not just out to save the world and get famous. He's so much better than those Avengers dicks. And even if they did ask him to join up one day, which they totally should because they would be so fucking lucky to have a shining gem like him on the team, I don't think it'd change him too much. He's out for the little guy, right? Like real people. Not aliens and supervillains and evil AI robots trying to wipe out humanity. The people who actually matter. He doesn't even believe in killing. Which is, you know, crazy but like in a really amazing way. He's just so fucking good and pure and shit. Not to mention he's probably a literal genius, he's so smart, and wicked funny. Man, he cracks me up. So witty. Oh! And he's got the ass of an angel."

He looked at Peter, who was staring at him with an open mouth and wide eyes full of shock and confusion. He was looking at Wade as if Wade had just told him he was in love with Jar Jar Binks, not the illustrious Spider-Man.

"Why do you ask?"

Peter blinked and shook his head slowly. "Um… Just… N-No reason, I guess. I just… wondered."

Wade felt his eyes narrow slightly, confused by Peter's reaction, but he decided to let it go. "Alright, then."

Peter didn't comment any further on the subject. He looked out the window pensively, as if he were lost in thought.

[That's… strange.]

Wade shrugged lightly and leaned back in his seat, starting to sing quietly under his breath. "Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone."

{I'll be waiting, all that's left to do is run!}

"You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess."

{It's a love story, baby just say yes!}

[Please. I'm too tired to puke in your head today.]

{Aw, you love Swifty. Just admit it, White.}

[Never.]

The food came shortly after that, and Peter roused himself out of whatever thought-daze he'd been in as the plates were set down in front of them. Of course he thanked the pretty waitress again.

They chatted about the newest season of Game of Thrones while they ate. They were both totally

{SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS}

pro Daenerys and Jon hooking up, even though that was definitely hardcore incest. Peter was bothered by the fact that the Whitewalkers were able to turn the dead dragon into an ice dragon. (But it's magic, so it doesn't have to make sense, Wade had argued.) (But the dragon's magic is tied to fire, Peter had argued. So it shouldn't be possible for the Night King to be able to reanimate a being made of fire using ice magic.) (Whatever. Ice dragons are fucking cool so it doesn't matter anyway.)

{Incest is hot. SPOILERS OVER.}

The conversation was so easy, flowing like a river that never faltered. Talking to Peter just… clicked. It would have been unsettling to Wade if it hadn't just felt so damn comfortable.

He was so wrapped up in just talking to Peter that he almost forgot the whole reason why he was here in the first place. They'd both finished eating and Wade had swiped the check before Peter could even think about it. Peter glanced at his phone and sighed, catching Wade's attention.

"I have to get going to school." Peter said, his tone so sad and dejected that Wade immediately ached with regret. He almost told Peter he should skip and hang out with him instead. Almost. But then he remembered that Peter was a smart kid and a good student and he was gonna go to collegeand do research like a super sexy scientist.

{Like Bill Nye the Science Guy!}

So he needed to go to school and get good grades and learn stuff. All those important things that Wade never did.

"Sorry, kid." He smiled sympathetically. "But you gotta do what Sesame Street says. And according to them, school is kinda important."

Peter smiled, reaching for his backpack as he stood up. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Big Bird knows best, huh?"

"Absolutely. Except for that whole semi-schizophrenic thing with the giant wooly mammoth puppet."

Peter laughed, and it was such a pure, beautiful sound. Wade grinned. "Right. Except for that." Peter headed for the door and Wade followed, walking him out. "I'll see you later, yeah?"

"Sure, Petey pie. Oh! I almost forgot." Stupid Wade getting distracted. "Where do you work, again?"

Peter looked up at him curiously. "Oscorp. Why?" They paused on the sidewalk outside the diner.

Wade smiled and shrugged. "Just wondering. That's really impressive you know."

Peter ducked his head and blushed again, but he was smiling and it made Wade feel so warm. "It's not that impressive… I just work in the basement staring at numbers on a computer screen for hours on end."

[Perfect.]

Wade's smile grew more genuine. "Still, Peter. You're super smart. You should be proud of yourself for being able to do all that."

Peter looked up at him, biting down on his bottom lip, and there was this look in his eyes, his big brown Bambi eyes, like he could see straight into Wade's soul and he wanted to grab Wade and… And have him, or something. It made Wade feel breathless and shaky and weird. "Thanks, Wade." He breathed. And then he was reaching up to wrap his arms around Wade's neck and pull him into a hug.

Wade went stiff, caught off guard all over again by the casual touching, especially when he had his face uncovered, and especially in public. But after a few seconds, Peter hadn't pulled away and Wade finally relaxed a little, just enough to wrap his arms around Peter's waist in return and breath in a shaky breath that smelled like laundry detergent and burnt sugar shampoo.

Wade pulled back, confusion crossing over his face because that was… That was familiar, somehow. Peter just let his arms slip slowly from Wade's neck and trailed his hands over the man's chest before pulling away, a shy smile on his pretty little mouth. Wade swallowed.

{Of course it's familiar, stupid-head. We've been around Peter a ton. We even hugged him before.}

"Right." Wade breathed with a slight nod.

Peter glanced down at the ground, then back up to meet Wade's eyes. "So… Bye, Wade. See you later."

"Yeah." Wade reached out and ruffled the boy's hair, humming quietly when he felt how damn soft and thick it was, just like he'd imagined. "See ya later, Petey."

Peter dropped his skateboard with a light grin and stepped on, pushing off the sidewalk and disappearing into the crowds with a cute little wave. Wade watched him go, frowning gently.

"I don't think we should use him."

[Shut up. It's a good plan.]

{Why not?}

Wade shook his head, unable to justify the bad feeling he had about it. Like he'd be betraying Peter in some way. "I don't want him to get hurt."

[He won't.] White soothed. [I promise. Quick and easy… No one will even know we're there.]

{Besides, isn't it pretty important? Spidey needs us to figure out who the goblin is so we can kick his ass to hell and back.}

Wade nodded slowly, deciding to keep going with the plan for now, since there wasn't any immediately apparent danger to Peter.

"Fine, but… We can't let him get caught in any crosshairs, yeah?"

{Yeah.}

[Of course.]

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Wade would have preferred to wait a while so it wasn't as suspicious, but Peter had said he was working today after school and other than that Wade didn't know his work schedule at all. So that was how, at four o'clock in the afternoon, Wade found himself loitering outside the giant glass doors of the giant shiny Oscorp Tower. It wasn't quite as tall or ostentatious as the Stark Tower, but it was close.

Wade sighed, wishing that he were wearing his suit, or at least had some of his weapons. But he'd never be allowed inside if he brought weapons in (and usually that wouldn't stop him, but he didn't want to get Peter in trouble). It was a good thing that he was good at improvising when needed and could probably kill people with just about any object he found lying around. Or his bare hands. Sometimes it paid off to be creative, though.

{Remember that time with the paperclip? That was so much fun.}

[Stop waiting around and get in there. It'll look suspicious if you keep standing out here and staring at the building like you want to blow it up.]

{Oooh, we should have brought explosives!}

"Peter's in there, you idiot." Wade muttered, pushing open one of the fancy doors and stepping into the equally fancy lobby.

{Oh yeah.}

Wade didn't let himself stop and look around, because he wanted to draw as little attention as possible. He knew he'd be on camera the whole time, anyhow. He made his way to the wide, granite-topped reception desk and smiled politely at the woman who was working there. She looked startled when she glanced up at Wade, another familiar reaction to the horror that was his skin.

"Can I help you?" She asked, maintaining professionalism even though she clearly wanted to lean away from Wade or run screaming from the room.

"Yes, please. I need to see Peter Parker. Could you tell me where I can find him?"

The woman looked at her computer screen and typed a few words out on the slim wireless keyboard. She frowned slightly at whatever came up from her search and glanced back at Wade. "May I ask what this is about? Interns don't usually get visitors."

Wade tried to arrange his face into an apologetic smile. "Yeah. It's just that Peter forgot his medication at my place, and it's kind of important that he take it regularly. I don't want to interrupt his work." Wade pulled a small orange prescription bottle from his sweatshirt pocket and glanced at the label. "But I think he's due for another dose in the next hour or so."

The receptionist's frown had deepened, but after a moment of thought she nodded slightly. "Alright, let me get you a visitors' pass. And would you please sign in here?" She handed him a clipboard and a pen.

"Sure. Thank you so much." Wade signed himself in as Brian Reynolds and took the little plastic clip-on badge that the lady offered him. He stuck it to the top of his sweatshirt.

"Just take the elevators on the left down to level A6. Follow the signs for the Analysis Department; Peter has an office down there."

Wade grinned. "Will do, thanks!"

{That was easy.}

[See? I told you. No sweat.]

Wade kept a neutral expression as he walked over to the correct bank of elevators, eyes silently scanning the lobby for signs of anything suspicious. It had felt too easy, almost. He couldn't help but have a bad feeling about it.

[You're just being paranoid.]

{You're always paranoid.}

Wade sighed and pressed the down button. A sleek glass elevator opened immediately to his left and Wade stepped in, glad that he was the only one in the small space as the doors slid closed behind him. He took a few deep breaths and reminded himself that he was doing this for Spidey.

[And for us. We need to know what the fuck they're doing with Weapon X.]

Wade nodded. But he wasn't concerned about himself right now. He couldn't get hurt or die. He didn't have family or any irreplaceable things in his life. He had nothing to lose. And he was confident in his ability to fight his way out of here if anything happened. But none of that mattered if he got Peter hurt or in trouble. What if Peter lost his job because of Wade? That was his future.

[He won't. And we're here already, so there's no backing out now.]

Wade didn't respond. He stepped out of the elevator when it arrived at level A6 (the sixth floor down in the basement, Wade gathered). It wasn't as nice down here as the lobby had been. The hallway was painted a boring off white and the fluorescent lights buzzed obnoxiously overhead. But it was clean and normal looking, not creepy like some of the basement labs Wade had been to before.

He glanced around until he saw one of those little message boards at the end of the hallway that told you where everything is. He made his way there, ignoring Yellow when he started singing.

{It's a thief in the night, to come and grab you. It can creep up inside you and consume you.}

Wade stopped to look at the list of departments and room numbers. He found Analysis with a little arrow next to it pointing to the left. He turned that way.

{A disease of the mind, it can control you. It's too close for comfort!}

"Do you have to sing that?" Wade muttered. "I thought you were trying to convince me this whole operation was light and harmless."

{But it's a great song! And it's almost Halloween. The readers want something creepy and dark, not just fluff and smut.}

"What the fuck are you talking about? It's April."

{Not in the real world…}

[Shut up. You're not helping. Besides, I think they probably like the fluff and smut.]

{Disturbia! Am I scaring you tonight? Your mind is in Disturbia.}

"Shut up now." Wade muttered, turning one more corner and finding himself in a hallway lined with what looked like offices. The little plaques beside the doors all said 'Analyst,' so he was pretty sure he was in the right place.

{Oh em gee does Petey have one of these cute little rooms all to himself?}

"Looks like it." Wade smiled, coming to a stop in front of a door that said 'Peter Parker, Junior Analyst' on the official looking plaque.

{Awwww our little Peter has an office and everything! He's so smart…}

[Our Peter? I think you're getting ahead of yourself. Besides, I thought you were in love with Spider-Man. Or is that just a casual, free to see other people sort of thing?]

Wade frowned, but quickly squashed down the confusing mixture of guilt and fear and anguish that White's words produced. "Now is not the time to discuss that." He hissed. "We can talk about it later." Before either box could argue, he raised one hand and knocked on the door.

He listened to the faint sound of a rolling chair being pushed across the floor, and then the door was opening with a soft click. "I'm really busy today, Ha-" Peter froze, his eyes widening comically at the sight of Wade standing there, trying to smile like he was just dropping in for a casual visit. "Wade?"

Wade raised one hand in greeting. "Hey, Pete. Thought I'd stop by for a visit, see where you do all your fancy important work." He made a show of glancing around the hallway. "It's totes impressive. Very professional. Like you have a real job and everything!"

Peter laughed, still sounding a little startled, and stepped back to let Wade come into his office. "Yeah, I mean, it's pretty boring. Not much to see. But you're welcome to look around."

Wade slipped into the office and did just that, glancing around the space and taking in all the details. It was quite small, with just enough room for the two of them to maneuver around in the open space. The lighting was softer in here, the room lit by a couple of table lamps instead of the bright overhead lights. Peter's backpack sat in a corner, next to his skateboard. Most of the room was occupied by a desk holding not one but two Oscorp computers, both screens of which currently showed huge spreadsheets full of numbers. Wade raised his eyebrows at that. "Looks complicated." He commented.

Peter sighed and leaned back against the closed door. "Yeah, it is. I'm having trouble with this one. But I'll figure it out eventually."

Wade flashed him a grin. "I'm sure you will."

Peter smiled back. "How did you get in here, anyway?" He didn't seem unhappy to see Wade, just curious about how he managed it.

Wade withdrew the little prescription bottle from his pocket and tossed it to Peter, who caught it reflexively and looked down at the label. "You needed to take your medicine. It's very important." Peter shot him a questioning look and Wade chuckled. "They're tic tacs. Orange flavor."

"Ew." Peter made a face.

"I know." Wade chuckled.

Peter grinned at him, and Wade tried to ignore the little stirring of butterflies in his stomach. Peter shouldn't be looking at him that way. And Wade shouldn't be liking it.

Peter glanced down at the ground, scuffing his shoe against the plain brown carpet. "I should keep working on this. But do you wanna maybe stick around? I should be done in about an hour and then we could hang out."

Wade nodded, feeling an unpleasant combination of guilt and giddy happiness that Peter was so happy to see him.

{Twice in one day! Petey must like us.}

"Sure." Wade smiled. "Don't mind me, I'll just, um… Sit in the corner and try to be quiet."

Peter chuckled. "I think that might actually kill you. But don't worry, I don't need you to be quiet. I can work while you talk." He walked back to his nice little rolling chair and sat down. "Just don't expect me to be as witty as I usually am in upholding my part of the conversation."

Wade grinned, watching Peter refocus on the screen of numbers. Damn, this kid was perfection. "Not a problem. I am the supreme ruler of one-sided conversations. I could keep it up for hours on end, and I have, actually, but I probably shouldn't be spreading that around in polite company. Are you considered polite company? I guess so because you're sweet and young and you don't need your little ears to be defiled by unseemly conversation. But also you like talking to me so maybe you're not so polite after all. Hey what kind of computers are these, anyway? I don't think I've seen them before and they look pretty bad ass. Like Blade Runner from the future kind of shit." Wade moved around to lean over the back of the desk, examining the backs of the computers. "Which, by the way, was great. Ryan Gosling is a total babe and if I didn't already have a masturbation pact going with Ryan Reynolds I might actually consider changing my vote for best Ryan. It's a close call but I think I'm gonna have to stick with the classics here. Although, The Notebook might be enough to change my mind. Reynolds never made a movie like The Notebook." While Wade was chattering mindlessly, he reached out to slide his hand over the back of one of the screens, as if feeling the material it was made of, and discretely slipped his special flash drive into an open port. The camera was across the room in the corner of the ceiling so it wouldn't be able to see the backs of the computers. "But then again, Gosling could never pull off Deadpool. So we're back to square one all over again." He meandered back to the other side of the room, not having gotten any responses from Peter other than a couple of hums of agreement while he rambled.

[Perfect. Now we just have to wait a while and figure out how to look natural getting it back.]

{Hey, you were actually pretty smooth this time!}

"Shut it." He hissed, nervous guilt churning in his stomach. "Anyway. I guess we could take into account the fact the Reynolds was voted sexiest man alive, which, thanks by the way. But did Gosling win that one time too? I don't remember, so I guess we'll have to call that a tie." Wade leaned back against the wall beside Peter and stuck his hands in his hoodie pocket, trying to relax. The virus would take about ten minutes to run its course and collect everything Wade would need. "And they're both Canadian, can you believe that? I guess all good things come from Canada. Except you, Pete. And Spider-Man." Peter hummed again, a light smile flickering over his mouth. "But seriously, America should be thanking Canada for all its wonderful imports. I mean, come one. Maple syrup! And Justin Bieber. And me! Can't forget about me. But wait! Oh my god. We're forgetting the most important thing here. Ryan Reynolds was married to Black Widow for like three whole years. Like, total score, am I right?"

Peter actually tore his eyes away from the screen, where he'd been typing some complicated looking math formulas or something, to give Wade a confused look. "Wait, what?"

"Yeah." Wade grinned. "Scarlet Johansson, the second hottest spider-babe in the world?"

{And the deadliest… Man, she can kill men with her pinky finger… We've seen it. So fucking hot.}

"Who?"

Wade shook his head. "Never mind, Peter Pan. Let's just say Reynolds gets like a million bad ass points for bagging that hot arachnid." Peter shook his head with an amused expression and focused on his work again. "So I guess, in the end, Reynolds wins the best Ryan contest. We kind of knew it would be that way from the beginning, because come on… Deadpool. But anyway. Who d'you think would win the Spidey contest? Because Holland is cute as fuck and Garfield had the whole fresh new look thing going for him, but Maguire has that classic look."

{Fuck classic. Holland is a hot young thing.}

"Mm." Wade hummed in agreement, noticing that Peter seemed to be sitting a bit stiffly in his chair, as if Wade's words had caught his attention. "Yeah, you're right. But it doesn't matter. I like our Spidey best. He wins every time."

[You don't even know what he looks like.]

"Yeah but there's no way he's not hot. And probably just like really, really beautiful. His mouth certainly is…" Wade cleared his throat, suddenly realizing that perhaps these were not the things he should be talking about in front of Peter, who did not know that he was Deadpool or that he actually knew Spider-Man. "So… Hottest Avenger? Yeah, definitely Black Widow. No question. But wait! What about the Captain? Because his ass is definitely drool-worthy. And that pure, all American look has never looked better. But no… You're right. He probably wouldn't be into anything kinky in bed. So definitely Black Widow."

Wade was about to start in on who would be the hottest Harry Potter character, but a knock on the door cut him off.

Peter glanced towards the door, and the startled, anxious look in his eyes immediately put Wade on edge. "Just a-" Peter started to call out, but the door was opening before he could do more than stand up from his chair.

"Hey Petey, you'll never guess what Maureen upstairs said about-" A young man, maybe only a couple years older than Peter, stopped in his tracks a couple of steps into the room, his sky-blue eyes widening slightly when they landed on Wade. He was gorgeous. The kind of magazine model asshole you saw on billboards in Times Square during the holiday season. He was wearing a suit, something clearly expensive that hugged his body in all the right ways, emphasizing his slim but fit physique. His black hair lay in an artfully styled mess across his forehead, and his jawbones looked like they could cut ice. Wade watched the expressions skitter across his beautiful face; first shock, then disgust, a moment of fear and apprehension, and then the boy had shut his features down into a careful, polite, blank neutral that was clearly only accomplished with practice. "Who's this, Peter?"

Wade glanced at Peter, noticing that he looked especially pale. Like he'd seen a ghost. Or been caught doing something he shouldn't. "This is… Um, this is my friend Wade." Peter shifted slightly, gesturing between Wade and the model kid. "Wade, this is my friend Harry."

Wade's gaze snapped back to Harry as the kid stepped up beside Peter, extending his hand towards Wade. "Harry Osborn." He smiled politely, but there was something of a sneer in it, a little too much emphasis on the last name, and Wade's eyes darkened as he realized who this was. Harry fucking Osborn, the heir to this massive evil empire. Why was Peter friends with Harry Osborn? And why hadn't he mentioned it before?

{Holy shit, innocent little Peter is playing in the big leagues and we didn't even know it!}

[It is… A strange coincidence.]

Wade only hesitated for a moment before slipping his hand out of his pocket and reaching out to shake Harry's. "Wade Wilson." He offered in return, keeping his tone as neutral as possible while he watched Harry flinch and glance down at their joined hands, clearly startled by the feeling of Wade's scarred skin. Wade snatched his hand back as quickly as possible and crossed his arms over his chest.

"So." Harry looked Wade over, as if sizing him up. "You're the mysterious Wade, hm?"

Wade glanced at Peter again, who was staring at the ground as if he were wishing he could sink down into it and disappear. "Well, I don't know about mysterious. But that's my name, anyway."

He didn't like the way Harry was looking at him. As if he were sizing Wade up for a fight and liked what he saw, as if he were confident he could win.

{We could take the little bitch down in under a second. He'd never stand a chance in hell. His pretty, valuable blood would be all over the floor before he even knew what was happening.}

[But we couldn't make Peter like us more than him.] White pointed out quietly.

And oh. Oh. Wade finally understood what was going on here as he watched Harry step in closer to Peter's side and throw an arm casually around the younger boy's shoulder. "Want to come over tonight?" He asked Peter with a small smirk, gaze flickering over Wade before ignoring him completely.

Peter made a small sound of protest and wriggled uncomfortably under Harry's arm, but didn't push him away. "No, Harry. I told you, I'm busy tonight."

"You're busy every night." Harry complained with a small pout that looked so unfairly sexy.

{How come we never look sexy when we pout?}

[Because Wade looks like a dying avocado after a trip through the blender.]

Peter was frowning, his jaw clenching and unclenching as he glared at the ground. "Yeah, Harry, I'm busy. You know I'm busy."

"Can't you take one night off? For me?"

Peter's gaze flickered up to meet Wade's, and the fear and regret and fucking guilt reflected in those big brown eyes stole Wade's breath away. And not in a good way. Why did it feel like Peter was, like, cheating on him or something?

[That's stupid. He was never ours to begin with. And don't you think he belongs with someone like Harry Osborn? Beautiful and rich and accomplished. Going places in life.]

{We're rich…} Yellow muttered sullenly.

"No, Harry. Not tonight." Peter finally ducked out from under Harry's arm and took a step away from him, turning to face the Osborn heir with a tense, desperate look. "I have to get back to work now."

Harry frowned. "You already have one visitor." He gestured towards Wade, tone petulant.

Wade clenched his jaw and stepped towards the side of the desk, as if trying to give them some room or a thin illusion of privacy. When it looked like neither of them were paying attention to him, he slid one hand back behind the computer and pulled out his flash drive, palming it easily and slipping it unseen into his pocket.

"Wade's not bothering me!" Peter protested, hands twitching at his sides as if he wanted to throw them up into the air. "I don't mind if he just hangs around. He doesn't, you know… Distract me."

Wade tried to ignore the sinking feeling he got when he wondered how Harry usually distracted Peter.

"Fine." Harry's tone was defensive, but his expression was soft when he looked at Peter. "I'll get out of your hair, then." He stepped forward, leaning in towards Peter, but Peter flinched away, a dark flush spreading over his cheeks. Harry paused for a moment and looked at him, then his gaze flickered over to Wade, eyes darkening slightly. Wade swallowed, unable to look away as Harry placed a hand on Peter's waist and finished leaning in, planting a gentle kiss on Peter's forehead. It was chaste and sweet and pretty innocent, but it sliced something open deep inside Wade that suddenly felt like it was bleeding. Badly.

"See you tomorrow, Petey." Harry said, stepping away with a small smile. He turned and left without another glance in Wade's direction. The door shut behind him with a quiet click that seemed too loud in the suddenly silent room.

Wade stared at the door. Peter stared at the floor. After a long, heavy moment, Wade stepped away from the desk. "I should get going."

"What?" Peter's gaze snapped up to look at him, eyes wide and desperate behind his glasses. "What about hanging out?"

Wade shrugged. "You seem busy. And I don't want to, um… Not, distract you. Or whatever." He didn't know why he was being bitter like this, but something about watching he and Harry like that had really hurt. And it confused Wade and made him feel guilty because he shouldn't even care. He should be happy for Peter. But he couldn't be. And he just wanted to forget all about this as soon as possible so he didn't have to keep feeling like shit.

"But… You're not, Wade! I mean, I like having you around. I like… I like when you talk nonstop about stuff and I like being with you and I thought maybe I could come over, or, or you could come to my place and we could play Mario Cart again, and just… Just hang out, you know?"

Wade crossed to the door, his heart breaking all over again at the tremor in Peter's voice. "Maybe some other time." He mumbled.

{Why are you being an idiot?} Yellow hissed. {Don't hurt the poor boy. He's the only person alive who actually likes us. Other than Spidey.}

[He deserves better than us.]

"But… Wade, I-" Peter trailed off and Wade glanced back at him, mortified to see tears swimming in those beautiful eyes.

"No no no, Peter… No, it, it's okay." He crossed back to the boy and hesitated, wanting to reach out but not knowing how to. "I'm not mad. I'm sorry if I seemed like it, I just… Um, I remembered something that I have to go do, okay?"

Peter didn't look like he believed him, and the tears were threatening to spill over onto his reddened cheeks.

Wade raised one hand, hoping Peter wouldn't mind that he wasn't wearing gloves, and pressed his palm lightly against the soft perfect skin of his cheek. "Rain check?" He asked gently, thumb swiping feather-light across the silky skin under his eye.

Peter leaned into his touch with a shaky sigh, blinking a couple of times to try to dispel the tears that had gathered there. "Okay…" He whispered.

Wade managed a small smile, his stomach feeling like it might crawl up his throat and die. "Okay. I'll see you soon, Peter. I promise." He let his hand fall away, almost immediately missing the warmth of flesh under his fingertips. "Be good, yeah? Do your homework and stay away from naughty things like cocaine. And sex."

Peter laughed weakly. "I'll do my best."

"Good." Wade reached out to open the door, pausing to look at Peter one last time. "Bye, Pete."

"Bye, Wade." Peter was watching him go with an expression of such loss that Wade almost gave in and just stayed. But he couldn't deal with this right now. Peter was… confusing him. So he forced himself to look away from those sad eyes and walk out into the hallway.

He rode the elevator up to the lobby and exited the building in a haze, hardly even remembering to be on the lookout for any security mobilization that might indicate they had found out what he did. His virus was virtually undetectable, though, so he wasn't surprised that everything seemed normal when he left. Out on the street, a good couple of blocks away from the tower, Wade pulled the tiny blue flash drive out of his pocket and looked at it.

"Well, we got what we came for." He stated bitterly.

[Yeah. We did. Now we should get busy analyzing some data of our own. Forget the kid, Wade. We have bigger concerns.]

{But… We don't want him to be sad, do we?}

Wade sighed heavily. For once, White was probably right. "We can worry about that later. For now, let's get to know our Oscorp friends a little better, shall we?" Wade tucked the flash drive back into his pocket and started heading for his closest safe house.

[I'm always right.]

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Song Credits:

Title:
Angeles – Elliott Smith
Lyrics:
U Can't Touch This – MC Hammer
Love Story – Taylor Swift
Disturbia - Rihanna

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