Disclaimer: I do not own or claim any rights to Big Time Rush or the characters portrayed in this story, nor do I own or claim any rights to The Bachelor. It's all in good fun and because I can't contain the visions in my head that scream to get out.

I love that you guys have all picked your favorite to win, but I'm going to say it again—do not assume it's going to end up a certain way. I can't remember if I mentioned it, but I now know who's going to win. The story is written in my head. At any one point it may seem that there's a clear winner, but as we'll see more and more, James changes his mind depending on his emotions, and none of these guys are perfect. Obviously not everyone will be happy with the outcome, as there can be only one winner, but that's exactly what the show is like. This last season I was raging at the outcome; I hated the chick he chose and wondered if he was insane. You get so involved and want to see your favorite win, but that doesn't always happen. Then again, sometimes it does! You won't know for sure who James chooses until almost the last chapter of this story, no matter what happens in the meantime. Just please don't give up at any point because you think your guy isn't going to win—the ending may surprise you. ;)

Also, it's interesting that there's the jealousy aspect in this story. Since they're all the same sex and gay, there are bonds being formed among the contestants that you don't see on the T.V. show. With the exception of one chick from the last season (who I swear wanted to make out with all the other women), you don't have that problem. In this story, though, you do—there's a lot of jealousy floating around from all directions. It makes things more fun haha.

This chapter wraps up week 3. It feels like so much has happened already, but really it's only three weeks in. Crazy.

So for those who don't know, this is how "The Bachelor" works. Approximately 30 contestants are chosen to compete on the show. They live in one big house together for about six weeks, and each week at least one contestant is eliminated at the rose ceremony. If the Bachelor gives you a rose, it means you stay another week. There are other roses given for other reasons (for example, the First Impression rose is given to the contestant who makes the best first impression on the Bachelor), and once you receive one of those roses you're guaranteed to remain until the next week. At the end of each date the Bachelor also has the choice of giving his contestant a rose or deciding not to, and that decides whether you go home or not. There are group dates and one-on-one dates and the drama gets out of hand sometimes because the competition can be vicious, but ultimately it gets down to two contestants and at that point the Bachelor decides to propose to one of them, or he can choose to propose to neither of them. I've taken some liberties with the rules and the process here, partly because I'm not sure of all the rules and partly because it works better for the story, but hopefully it makes sense and stays somewhat true to the show's atmosphere.

I dedicate this to kathrynew30 because even though she laughs at me for watching the show, she is always encouraging when it comes to my writing and she's been wanting this story for a long time. My other two betas Aranelle and PromiseMeTheStars also have informed me who they think should win, and while I love how each of them are rooting for different guys, in the end it's up to James. God help him, because the poor guy is going to go through so much emotional upheaval before he's forced to make a final decision. How is he supposed to choose between these three incredible men?

The final part of the group date was a party/barbecue thrown in the pool area of the hotel. They had the place to themselves other than the staff catering and supplying them with necessities, and James managed to get all of the men in the pool with him for a game of volleyball.

The problem was that most of the guys, Logan included, had a hard time focusing on anything other than James in a speedo. He couldn't help feeling that James knew this and used it to his advantage, sinking Logan's team of Kendall and Max while he jumped around with water dripping off his rippling muscles and glorious abs. Logan hadn't doubted his homosexuality before coming here, but James certainly had a way of cementing it with every move.

What both Logan and Kendall really hated was the way James' teammates found reasons to touch him as often as they could.

After the sun set they changed into warmer clothing and met up again at the pool area for dinner and drinks. James flitted from man to man, much like Carlos had that first night, and neither of them knew what to expect from James in regards to Logan. He hadn't excluded Logan from anything, but he hadn't done anything to make Logan feel like he was wanted, either. Then again, James never did around the other guys.

Inevitably James started taking them off one by one for a little private time, and each of them was glad James and whatever man he happened to be with was out of eyesight; no one wanted to witness another make-out session as they had the previous week with Kendall.

After returning with the second man, James nodded his head at Kendall, who stood quickly to follow James to a bench on of the other side of the pool.

"Hi," Kendall began hesitantly, not sure what James wanted from him, though he was tempted to simply sit on James' lap and go for it.

"Hey," James smiled, his face lighting up as he pulled Kendall down next to him. "You doing okay?"

"I'm great."

"Have fun today?"

"Yeah. I was a little nervous about the horse, but I'm sure it was nothing compared to your freakout over the fish," Kendall teased, trying to kill some of the awkwardness that seemed to be cropping up; Kendall hated any kind of awkward with James, especially after they'd come so far.

"Be quiet, you." He reached for Kendall's hand, clasping it tight. "I can't believe you've never been on a horse."

"I can't believe you've never been fishing."

"I have, just not for a lot of years. Besides, Carlos loved being able to teach me something. It made him feel good about himself."

"I'll bet it did. I'm still surprised he didn't come home bragging about it last night."

And here they were talking about Carlos again. What had changed in the time since the picnic? James had assured Kendall that his feelings wouldn't change and yet somehow something had. He knew he'd done nothing wrong and wondered if it had to do with the discovery of Caroline.

"Yeah, that surprises me, too," James said now. "I assumed he would."

"Now who's making assumptions?" Kendall joked.

"Good point."

What scared Kendall most was the fact that James wasn't looking him in the eye much. Before he hadn't been able to take his eyes off Kendall. "Did...something change, James?" He silently berated himself for asking, hating that he sounded like a whiny girlfriend.

"In what way?"

Now he had James' attention. "I don't know. You said your feelings don't change when we're apart, but something sure did. I feel it."

James sighed, squeezing Kendall's hand tighter. "I'm doing a horrible job of keeping my feelings a secret tonight, apparently."

"What is it? You can talk to me."

"I know." James smiled and leaned in for a quick kiss. "That's one of the things I love about you. I feel comfortable talking to you, opening up to you."

When James offered nothing more, Kendall ventured, "Is it Logan?" There was flash in James' eyes that was gone in a second, but it was enough. "It hit you hard that he has a kid, didn't it?"

"I'm not discussing it with you, Kendall."

"I know you can't, but...James, it's okay to be in shock. It's a big deal. And a big step."

"I just wasn't expecting it. It seems like I say that a lot about Logan." James immediately regretted the words, shutting down once they were out. "Look, I don't want to talk about him. Or Carlos. I'm almost out of time with you for the night and what I'd love more than anything is for you to just..."

He couldn't finish it, but Kendall knew what he needed. "Make you forget," he said softly, seeing the relief in James' eyes right before they kissed and James' hands came up to roughly pull him closer until Kendall was on his lap. The awkwardness disappeared and it was the two of them alone, losing themselves in each other as the passion took over to leave them breathless and wanting.

"I get the feeling sex with you would be incredible," James murmured against Kendall's lips.

"Hope we get the chance to find out," Kendall replied in a whisper, sensing James was trying to pull himself together and that their time was almost over. "I never thought I could feel this way about you. It would be easier if I didn't."

"Don't fight your feelings, Kendall. If you do, you'll never be happy. Let yourself be happy for a change, take what you want and don't let anything stop you."

"I usually do go after what I want."

"Do you usually get it?" James asked with a smirk.

"Always."

"Fuck, that's hot." Blowing out a breath, James pushed Kendall off his lap. "Get back there, let me cool down before I talk to Logan."

"Good luck with that," Kendall teased. "You're pretty damn hot right about now."

"Shut up and go send him over here. But give me a few minutes."

Laughing, Kendall made his way back to the table where he'd left Logan.

"I take it that went well."

Kendall shrugged, not wanting to brag. "We definitely have great chemistry."

"Yeah, I saw enough of that last week, thank you very much. At least this time you guys were hidden."

Kendall sat back in his chair, stretching out his legs. "You're up next."

"I am?" Logan was immediately tense.

"You are. He asked me to send you over. Just around the pool, there's a bench."

"Oh shit. Okay." Wiping his palms on his pants, Logan asked, "How did he seem? Did he give any clues at all?"

"I know he took it hard. I got that much out of him. Sort of."

"Right." Inhaling a deep breath before letting it out, Logan said, "So. Give it to me. Is he sending me home tomorrow night?"

"I don't honestly know, Logan. I hope not. He didn't freak out completely earlier."

"No, but he's good at hiding his feelings."

"Not from me, he isn't. I knew right away something was on his mind tonight. It really is heavy on his mind, Logan. I think you were probably right up there with me as a contender, and this hit him hard."

The use of the word "were" didn't slip past Logan. He sighed again, wondering if he should just give up now.

"Don't even think about it. We made a deal."

"You don't even know what I was thinking."

"Yes, I do. Go over there and talk to him. See what he has to say."

"Fine." Resigning himself to the worst, Logan slid his hands into the pockets of his pants and followed Kendall's directions, coming upon James staring up at the sky. "Hey," he said softly.

James jumped. "Jesus, you're so quiet all the time. Why don't I ever hear you coming?"

"You learn to be quiet when you have a kid. The last thing you want is to wake them up from a nap or be up all night." Logan tried for a smile, relieved when James met it with one of his own.

James stood up and gestured for Logan to sit, and once he did James sat back down. As usual, they kept their distance, and after a few moments of silence James stood up again, restless.

"I'm sorry," Logan tried, figuring he'd better meet this head on.

James shook his head, hands finding their way into his pockets as he turned to face Logan. "When were you gonna tell me?"

"I didn't know how. I kept trying to find the right moment."

"How about the night we met? Or even in the cabin when you told me about your wife?"

Logan's fingers fidgeted with his pants after he dropped his gaze. "I know. I should have. I just didn't know how and..."

"It's a big deal, alright? Getting involved with a man who has a child is a big deal."

"I know that." Logan stood up. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I can't change it now. If you're not ready for something like this I completely understand and-"

"And there you go again, assuming things about me. What is it with you guys? Carlos with the fish, Kendall with the prejudice before he even got to know me, and now you with this? Are you so ready to believe I'm a horrible person?"

"Not wanting to raise a child doesn't make you a horrible person, James. It's not for everyone."

"Who says I don't want to?"

"So you do?"

"It doesn't matter. What matters is that you never even considered I might be open to it. You've already decided how this is going to end and resigned yourself to going home. Don't argue that, I see it in your eyes." Pacing around the small area, James' hands came out of his pockets but stayed fisted, and Logan knew he was containing a level of anger none of them had witnessed before. "Do you know that out of everyone here, Ryan is the only guy who hasn't made any assumptions about me or acted like he can predict my every move? Don't ever assume anything about me, Logan, because that shit will get you sent home faster than even ten kids would."

Stunned, Logan stared up at James with wide eyes. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "If you brought me over here to teach me a lesson-"

"I brought you over here for a completely different reason," James interrupted in a low voice. Logan's eyes caught a glimpse of crimson before James' right hand disappeared into his pocket; his stomach dropped when he realized it was the rose, and that James had been intending to give it to him. "But that doesn't matter now. Just know that I had no intention of sending you home just because you have a kid. If you think I'm that selfish, then you really don't know me."

Feeling as if he'd ruined it anyway, Logan let go. "It wouldn't make you selfish, James! It's not an insult! Not everybody's meant to be a parent! And if you're so worried about people making assumptions about you, maybe you should tell us how you feel once in a while!"

"You know I can't do that, Logan!"

"Find a way! You don't have to say it out loud to get a thought across! We seem to communicate better without words anyway! I'm a genius, I'll figure it out!"

Suddenly Kendall was there, Logan felt it without even turning around, and he realized everyone must have heard their raised voices. "I'm fine," he spit out through clenched teeth, unsurprised when Kendall laid a hand on his shoulder anyway. It had been years since Logan was so angry, Jane's death the last thing he could remember driving him to this point where he was shaking and upset. It made little sense considering he was the one in the wrong, but something about James stripped away his logic.

James glared at them both before calling out, "Max! Over here!"

Summarily dismissed, Kendall pulled Logan away. He turned back before they went into the hotel, catching sight of James laughing with Max before pulling the rose out of his pocket, and managed to keep the tears at bay until the elevator door closed behind them. Then he collapsed into Kendall, who held him tight and let him cry.

Rather than return to the main suite, Kendall led Logan straight to their room. He'd expected Carlos to be hanging out with the other guys and was surprised to instead find him snuggled up in bed playing a hand-held video game. Carlos sat up immediately with a smile that died when he caught sight of Logan, and his game dropped to the blanket forgotten. "What happened?"

Without answering Kendall pushed Logan into the bathroom, instructing him to get into the shower. "Don't worry about it, I'll grab you some clothes. Just get in there and let it out." He closed the door and leaned back against it, letting out a sigh as his eyes fell closed.

"Kendall, what's wrong?"

"Hang on." Waiting until he heard water beating on the tiles, Kendall stepped away and said, "He told James about Caroline."

"Oh shit."

"Yeah. I didn't think it was that bad, but they got into a fight and now I don't know what's going to happen."

"James and Logan got into a fight?"

Kendall nodded.

"About what? Was he mad that Logan didn't tell him sooner?"

"I don't know, maybe. All I heard was James yelling 'I can't do that' and Logan saying 'Figure it out.' Or something like that."

"Damn. Is he okay?"

"No. Find him some clothes?"

They got Logan's suitcase onto the bed and dug through it, pulling out a t-shirt and boxers. Kendall came across a tiny framed picture of a smiling blonde woman holding a baby and all the air left his lungs as he realized how terrifying it must be for Logan to open himself up to love again.

"Is that Jane?"

"I think so," Kendall replied. "I can't imagine how hard this must be for him."

"Yeah. He's probably really lonely. It's different for us, we never had that with someone, you know?"

"Well...I had someone special."

"You did? Something serious?" When Kendall's face threatened to shut down, Carlos pounced. "Oh no no no, tell me. Were you married?"

"No. Never married. We couldn't even tell anyone we were together at the time."

"Oh my god. You had a secret lover?"

"It sounds so cheesy when you say it like that," Kendall chuckled, falling back onto his bed. "I had a boyfriend, I guess you'd call it, for three years."

"No way. That's longer than I've even kept an employee. Well, except Steve."

Having no idea who Steve was, Kendall responded, "I'll tell you about it sometime. Right now I'm concerned for Logan."

"So what happened when Logan told him about Caroline?"

"He seemed to take it fine. I mean, he was shocked. Really shocked. But then he asked about her. It wasn't until tonight that I realized how much it bothered him."

"You were there?"

"Yeah, Logan's horse got injured so the three of us walked back to town together. It was nice, James told us a little about himself. Did you know he loves horses?"

"Really? No." Carlos settled himself next to Kendall on the bed, crossing his legs to sit facing the headboard while Kendall scooted over to make room. "What else did he say?"

"Um...that he lives in L.A. with his best friend. That he's getting tired of the modeling life."

"Yeah?"

"Mm-hm. He also jumped down my throat for assuming he was a dick before meeting him."

"See?" Carlos smacked Kendall on the chest. "I kept telling you to give him a chance."

When Carlos went to move his hand away Kendall kept it there, settling his own over it lightly. Feeling Kendall's heartbeat speed up under his palm, Carlos stared down at him in silence for a long moment.

"Kendall!"

They both jumped, Carlos standing while Kendall rolled off the bed and grabbed Logan's clothes. He opened the bathroom door and passed them in to Logan, who thanked him.

"Are you better?"

"Yes."

"Good." The door closed again but Kendall didn't move, his heart still racing.

"So you didn't get the rose?" Carlos asked from behind him.

"Uh, no. I don't know who did." Kendall stepped back suddenly as the bathroom door was flung open and Logan stormed past him, apparently having dressed in record time.

"Max did."

"Max?" Carlos exclaimed. "That guy? That guy's a douche."

"What are you doing?" Kendall questioned, watching Logan move his dirty clothes from a hamper into his suitcase.

"I'm leaving."

"No, you're not."

"Kendall, let me go."

"No. We had a deal."

"The deal's off. I fucked up, and he's sending me home tomorrow night anyway." Continuing to pack up stray belongings, Logan kept his back to them.

"You don't know that."

"I do." He spun around finally. "I was going to get that rose tonight. He had it ready to give me and then I fucked up and he gave it to Max instead."

"All because you have a kid?" Carlos asked.

"No. But as long as we're on the subject, Carlos, I hear you got his opinion on kids yesterday. It might've been nice to get a little heads up, a little insight on his feelings before I went into this today."

Cheeks coloring, Carlos dropped his gaze.

"What was that about, huh? You trying to feel him out, see how much better your chances were?"

"Logan, I-"

Kendall stepped in front of Carlos. "Back off, Logan. Don't start attacking Carlos because you're hurt."

"Why the hell would he do that and not mention it?"

"I'm sure he had his reasons and that they weren't meant to harm you in any way."

Shoving Kendall out of his path, Carlos said, "I was curious, okay? I'm sorry. Yeah, I wanted to know how good your chances were. It was before we really started talking, before I knew I had a chance with him. You don't know how hard it is to go up against the two of you in a competition, you're both gorgeous and funny and smart and I'm just...me."

"Carlos," Logan sighed, "You're more than you think you are."

"I know that now. James made me feel like I was. But he hadn't at that point and I was scared. I'm sorry, I needed to know if you stood a chance with him."

"Then why didn't you tell me what you found out?"

"Because I didn't find out anything! I couldn't get an answer out of him. If I'd known it was going to end up like this, I would've said something. I promise! I don't want you to leave, man! You guys are like the best friends I've ever had and I don't want to lose either of you!"

"Jesus, come here." Kendall pulled them both into a hug, Carlos clinging tight and Logan finally relaxing. "Logan, if it wasn't about Caroline, then what did you two fight about?"

"We fought about me assuming he'd send me home. And he mentioned you two as well, so you guys need to watch yourselves, too."

"In what way?" Kendall stepped back with a frown.

"He was pissed because I never considered that he might be okay with me having a kid. And he said something about Carlos with a fish and you being prejudiced before meeting him."

Carlos' eyes widened. "He told you about the fish?"

"No, I have no idea what the fish is about."

"I do," Kendall supplied. "I guess he couldn't bring himself to kill the fish he caught and was embarrassed about it."

"Wow," Carlos marveled. "You really do get people to tell you anything."

"Not really, he assumed you would have told us."

"See? So he's assuming things, too."

"That's not the point," Logan argued. "It doesn't matter what he does, what matters is that when we assume he's going to behave a certain way or expect him to have certain opinions, we piss him off. Royally. He said Ryan's the only one who hasn't done that to him yet."

Frustrated sounds from both Carlos and Kendall were the response. "Damn Ryan, I hate that guy!" Carlos exclaimed.

"I thought you liked him," Logan commented in surprise.

"Yeah, but I hate him because I like him. He's probably gonna win this thing because we're all too busy assuming James is gonna pick us," Carlos complained.

"Or send us home," Logan added.

"Okay, status report." Kendall sat down on his bed, Carlos joining him but then scooting away some. Logan lowered himself to his own bed and then Kendall spoke again. "Other than me having that original prejudice, I'm still in good with James. Today went well. Carlos?"

"I haven't seen him since yesterday and we were great. A lot of kissing on the way back, and I got a few kisses at the door, too. Plus I have a rose."

"True. You're not going anywhere. Honestly, I'm not going anywhere either, at least not this week."

When Carlos and Kendall turned their attention to Logan, he shrugged. "I'm going home. I'm pretty sure, guys. And this isn't just me putting myself down, I know he wanted me until this whole thing blew up tonight. I was still good even after telling him about Caroline, but I didn't know that and messed it up and when we left the party, he was pissed. Kendall, you have to admit that."

Kendall nodded reluctantly. "He was angry at you."

"And that's why I want to leave. Because I think there's a good chance he's going to send me home tomorrow night, and if that's the case I might as well leave now. It's better than being humiliated in front of all the other guys."

"You do realize if you leave you have to say goodbye to him, right?" Kendall asked. "You can't just walk out, they make you talk to him."

"Oh. Right. Well...that's fine. I can go talk to him, I'm pretty sure he's not going to stop me. And that way he can focus on the ones who are left, make his decision better tomorrow."

"How many are being eliminated tomorrow anyway?"

"Three," Kendall said in response to Carlos. "Three of us are going home."

"But not you, and not Carlos."

"No, we're good."

Nodding, Logan stood up and started tossing things into his suitcase again.

"Don't go," Carlos begged. "Please. You don't know he's sending you home, and if you go to him now because you think he is, then you're proving him right; you're showing him that you predict what he's gonna do. You were so sure before and you were wrong. Maybe you're wrong this time, too."

"Carlos, you didn't hear him down there. You didn't see his eyes. Whatever he felt for me is gone."

"But you thought that once before, too," Kendall reasoned. "Give him a chance to cool off. I saw the kiss you two shared today. There was something there, so much so that it killed me to watch."

"You saw them kiss?" Carlos said in a hushed voice.

"It was intense, Carlos. James definitely has serious feelings for Logan."

"He did," Logan argued. "I don't think he does now."

"See how he acts tomorrow night at the rose ceremony. Remember, we have that little party before and I'm sure he'll talk to you, probably apologize for yelling. You know how he is with you, he feels bad and makes it better."

"He did that once, Kendall."

"Maybe he'll do it again. But you won't know if you leave now." When Logan still looked unconvinced, Kendall added, "I know you miss Caroline. I know there's a part of you that's dying to get on a plane right now and run home to her, to the safety and familiarity of what you've built. But if there's a chance that one day James Diamond can be part of that family waiting for you at home, isn't that worth hanging around one more night?"

"Please, Logan," Carlos said again. "Stay. Do it for me if nothing else."

"You? Why do you need me?"

"Because. You're my friend. You stayed with me when I was scared to ski. You make me feel like I'm cool enough to hang out with a genius. I don't meet many of those, you know."

Rolling his eyes, Logan said, "You're cool enough to hang with a genius, okay? A hot hockey player, too."

Kendall beamed. "Thank you, Logan. You're pretty hot yourself."

"Haven't we already been through this?" Logan giggled.

"Yeah, what about me? I'm hot too, right?"

Kendall shoved Carlos off the bed, laughing as he fell onto the floor. "How many times do I have to tell you you're gorgeous before you believe it?"

"I think I've only heard it once. Say it again."

"Go to bed." Kendall kicked Carlos lightly before sobering and returning his focus to Logan. "Stay. Please. Save me from this guy."

"I hate you guys." Logan moved his suitcase onto the floor and climbed into bed.

"Which means he loves us," Carlos clarified.

"And that he's staying." After helping Carlos up from the floor, Kendall flipped off the light switch, not even caring that he was still dressed. "Goodnight, guys," he called out as he slid under the covers.

From his left Carlos said the same, and when Logan was silent Kendall tried again. "Goodnight, Logan. Four more weeks. You can do this."

Logan seriously doubted it would be more than twenty-four hours, but he answered them with a goodnight of his own and closed his eyes. The last thing he saw every night before dropping off to sleep was a vision of Caroline in her bed, her Spongebob nightlight casting a yellow glow over her tiny face as she slept peacefully. Tonight there was an addition to that vision, a tall brunette bent over to kiss her cheek before pulling the covers up higher, then smiling up at Logan.

"She's beautiful," James would say and then take his hand, leading him to their own room.

Tears stained Logan's cheeks as he silently yelled at his brain for giving him that scene to play in his mind. As a genius, he knew the probability of that vision ever coming to life was too small to even fathom; his heart, however, held on to the hope that even geniuses could be wrong sometimes.

Having nothing to do the following day, the guys distracted themselves with games, food, and the pool. Carlos teased the other two that by the time it was over they'd be as dark as him instead of pasty white boys, to which Kendall shoved him in the pool.

Looking for vengeance Carlos challenged Kendall to a video game in the main suite, but Kendall showed off impressive skills that left Carlos in awe. "Dude, since when do you kick ass at video games?"

"I have a little sister, remember? That was our favorite way to decide who got stuck cleaning up the kitchen after dinner."

Both kept Logan within eyesight, still fearful he'd take off, but their worries were unfounded; he couldn't leave while James was off on a date with Scott anyway, and he was content to spend the time playing cards with Ryan while the other two battled it out in front of the massive television.

Late in the afternoon the men were all discussing that it was about time to go pack and prepare for the ceremony when a man entered the suite and then left with Scott's luggage. Shocked silence hovered over the room, everyone gaping at each other. They all knew a one-on-one date meant it could be over in a flash, but this was solid proof that if James didn't see a future with you, he wouldn't hesitate to send you home.

"Oh my god," Peter finally whispered. "Scott."

Knowing that Peter had been closest to Scott, Kendall went over to him and squeezed his shoulder. "I'm sorry, man."

Carlos joined them, sitting on Peter's other side while Kendall stood above. He didn't say anything, just offered his presence, and Kendall knew that for him it was difficult to keep his silence when he probably had so many things he wanted to say.

"So does this mean he's only eliminating two tonight?"

No one had to ask who Jerry was referring to. "Yes," Logan answered. "Scott took the place of one."

The mood was somber as the group dispersed, heading back to their rooms to pack and prepare for the rose ceremony. Carlos didn't bother to gather his belongings, knowing he would have time after the party, and instead spent most of his time aiding the other two in looking irresistible. Logan took a few minutes to call Caroline and that calmed him down a bit, forcing him to focus on what was waiting for him at home should he be sent home tonight.

James of course gave no hint as to what had gone wrong with Scott, greeting the group with smiles and hugs as he mingled and then took men away for private time. He seemed to spend a much longer time with Ryan than he had anyone else, which worried everyone since he'd been seeming to focus more on those he hadn't spent any time alone with.

Kendall, Logan, and Carlos staked out a little corner table like the one they'd "owned" in L.A., knowing James would find them if he chose to and making small talk to pass the time. They were giggling over something Kendall had said when Carlos suddenly blurted out, "Logan! Oh my god, I just realized! He didn't hug you!"

Logan had of course noticed that, and it was obvious Kendall had as well when he chastised Carlos. "Dude, he already feels bad enough about it. Thanks for bringing it up."

"It's fine," Logan commented, squeezing Kendall's hand once before returning it to his lap. "Other than the fact that I'll miss you guys like crazy, it's almost a relief to know I'm going home. Every time I talk to Caroline I miss her more."

"You don't know that, Logan. Just because he didn't even look at you-"

"Carlos! Stop! Jesus, remind me to never let you cheer me up." Kendall shook his head, feeling bad when Carlos looked guilty. He laid a hand over Carlos', adding, "It's okay. We know you're trying to help."

A shadow fell over them and they all glanced up to see James' gaze focused on their clasped hands. Kendall pulled his away almost guiltily before James said, "Carlos. A few moments?"

"Of course!"

They watched James lead him away after making a point of holding Carlos' hand tight as if to claim his territory.

"Wow," Logan remarked. "He wasn't kidding. He does not like to share. Good luck dealing with his insane jealousy once this is over."

"Like you wouldn't give anything to deal with that 'hardship.'"

Logan offered a wan smile before standing up to grab another beer.

"God, I missed you," was the first thing out of James' mouth once they were alone, and after that there wasn't a whole lot of talking. Carlos had missed James, too, and needed the reassurance that James still wanted him. James left him with no doubt, the two panting when they finally pulled apart.

Carlos couldn't stop smiling, James chuckling before saying, "Hi. Should we try a normal conversation now?"

"I guess, now that we got the good stuff out of the way. Hi, James. How are you?"

"Not too bad, thanks. Much better after a few minutes alone with you."

Beaming, Carlos joked, "You should make that happen more often, then."

"So demanding." James let out a sigh and sat down on the bench, pulling Carlos down onto his lap.

"I relax you. You let things go when I'm with you."

"Somewhat. You have a way of getting me to loosen up."

"It's a gift. One you should keep around to open whenever you need it."

"Hush, you're not going anywhere tonight. You don't need to plead your case." James hugged Carlos to him, kissing his neck and threading his fingers through Carlos' short locks.

"God, James, I'd better get a sex date out of you. You're driving me crazy."

"Just be quiet and kiss me."

Carlos was more than happy to oblige until the sound of a throat clearing interrupted them. He pulled back and bit his lip to keep from yelling at whoever had forced his way into their moment, turning to see Peter standing there.

"Guys, I'm sorry, but I really needed to talk to James before the ceremony."

Hopping off of James' lap, Carlos managed a smile. "It's cool. See you later, James."

"Bye, Carlos. What's up, Peter?"

Carlos left them to it, returning to his buddies at the small table.

"How'd it go?" Kendall asked.

"Great, until Peter showed up. We were having such a nice make-out session, too."

As usual, Logan couldn't find it in him to resent Carlos. Instead he chuckled and said, "Poor baby. You'll get your chance next time, I'm sure."

"I hope so. He seems pretty tense tonight."

"Really?" Kendall commented with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah. Said I always help him loosen up."

"I'm sure that whatever he's decided about Logan, it's hard. He really cares about you, you know."

"I know," Logan answered quietly, eyes on his beer bottle. "But that's not enough in a situation like this. What matters is the long run, who he can see himself happy with in ten years. He definitely wants to settle down, even if he's only hinted at it so far. I wish you both the best of luck."

They smiled and clinked bottles, Peter suddenly there. "Kendall, he's asking for you."

"Damn, that was fast!" Carlos exclaimed. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah," Peter nodded. "I just...screwed up with him earlier and needed to fix it if I could. Before it was too late, you know?"

They all did know. Kendall left with Peter and Carlos said, "You know, maybe you should try to fix it. It's not too late, Logan. Just talk to him, like Peter did."

"At this point anything I say is only going to make it worse. He's made up his mind, Carlos. I can apologize, but I can't take back what I said or did."

"So you're ready to just give up? Be one of those that doesn't even get walked out to the limo, just let him dismiss you without a word?"

"I'll have a quick moment to say goodbye. And I will apologize and wish him the best of luck. He deserves to be happy."

"Why are you so stubborn?"

"It's not stubborn, it's accepting what fate has in store for you. If James isn't the one for me and Caroline, then someone else is. Better to move on and find him than prolong the inevitable."

"Whatever, man. I just know I wouldn't give up that easily."

Logan smiled, reaching up to hold Carlos' hand briefly. "And that's one of the reasons I like you so much."

Kendall approached with a sense of déjà vu, the scene feeling like a repeat of the previous night—James waiting near the same bench, him going into it unsure of what James was thinking. He hadn't missed the way James glared at him the night before when he came to Logan's rescue, though he'd kept his fears to himself; Logan wasn't the only one on slippery ground, he thought.

"You uh...wanted me?"

James spun around, hands in pockets as he faced Kendall. "Hey."

"Hi."

There was the dreaded silence following, Kendall's heart thundering as it drew out. James was searching for words, and Kendall found he suddenly didn't want to hear them. It was no wonder Logan was ready to run rather than face this.

"I'm not discussing Logan," James finally stated.

"I'm not asking you to."

"What happens between him and me stays between us."

"He's my friend."

"He was my possible future husband. I'd say that gives me more right to him than it does you."

He was. Oh shit, James, no. Don't send him home. Kendall's face fell as he blinked back tears at the prospect of losing Logan. "I take care of my friends," Kendall said slowly, fighting to control his emotions.

"I understand that, and I admire it, but you need to remember why you came here in the first place."

"I came here to find love."

"With me, Kendall. With me."

"You're jealous of Logan? You think this is easy for any of us, having to watch you fall for other guys? What right do you have to be jealous of anyone?"

"You're assuming things again. I'm getting really fucking fed up with that."

"You know what? You want to send me home? Fine. Do it."

James swallowed, gaze intense as he asked, "Is that really what you want, Kendall? You're done with me already?"

"James...fuck. No, of course not. Come here." When he pulled James into his arms, James didn't fight it, sinking into the embrace. "Why does it seem like we're always fighting anymore? We have something special and I don't want to lose that."

"I don't either," James whispered, and now his arms slid around Kendall to cling tight. "I'm not used to this, feelings these things. I don't know how to handle it."

"Just relax," Kendall murmured into James' ear. "Don't take it all so seriously." He trailed his lips down James' neck, feeling James fall against him in surrender. "However it works out is how it's meant to be. Either one of us with you or you with someone else, as long as we're happy that's what matters."

"I don't know what I want, and it scares me."

"I know." Kendall leaned away to run a thumb over James' lips, then kissed them softly. "I'm not going anywhere unless you make me. If you ever need to talk, or just to be held in silence for a while, I'm here. I can be your friend too, you know."

James took a deep, steadying breath before standing up straight. "Thank you. It helps knowing that there's someone here who can be that for me, a person to lean on."

"I'll be whatever you need me to be. As much as I don't want to admit it, I'm pretty far gone on you already. Whatever you need, James."

James kissed him then, not hungry or desperate but as if savoring it. "It's almost time for the ceremony. I'll see you in there."

"I'll be there." Kendall offered James a smile. "But can we stop fighting? It's such a waste of the short time we do have together."

"Deal," James grinned. "From now on, we spend all our time kissing. Or...whatever I need."

"Exactly." Kendall lifted James' hand and kissed it, James melting as he had the first night they were alone. "Do what you have to do tonight, and I'll be waiting for you when we hit the next town. If you keep me tonight, that is."

"Go on," was all James said, and Kendall did.

He was torn between hope regarding James and sadness for what he now knew was to be his last moments with Logan. Stepping up to the table at which his two new best friends were seated, he held out his arms. "Guys, tonight could change everything. I've never felt so uncertain as I do going into this, and I just want to tell you both how incredible you are and that I'm richer for knowing you. Promise me, swear it, that when this is over we can still be friends."

"Aww." Carlos shot up out of his chair, hugging Kendall tight. "If you guys both leave I'm going to be so lonely. I need you guys!"

"You'll be okay," Logan soothed, standing up to be included in the embrace. "Everyone likes you, just continue being yourself. It's going to be fine. And when this is all over, I expect a phone call from you both. We'll find a way to get together for a weekend somewhere, without all the pressure and competition, and we can just be normal friends."

No one mentioned that by that time one of them might belong to James, but it wasn't necessary.

"Promise that," Carlos begged. "No matter what happens, we'll still have each other."

"I promise," Logan said. "You can come ride horses with Caroline and me."

"That would be awesome! And I can cook you guys hot dogs!"

They all laughed, hugging each other tight.

Chris' voice rang out across the suite, calling them all together and instructing them to a large patio area where the ceremony had been set up.

"This is it," Carlos commented, squeezing each hand before following the group.

"I'm going, aren't I?" Logan asked Kendall, who couldn't bring himself to answer. All he could do was keep Logan at his side as they moved out to the patio, both of them near tears but taking comfort in the slight touches they allowed themselves to give.

Carlos stood next to Max off to the side, looking somehow vulnerable and proud all at the same time. Kendall caught his eye and winked, Carlos beaming in response, and Kendall realized once again that he hated being away from his buddies. He was glad Logan was next to him, at least, because Logan would need him more tonight, but he absolutely hated that in a few short minutes Logan would be out of his life, at least until this ordeal was over and done with. And if he did end up winning, would James even want him to keep in touch with Logan?

It doesn't matter. If he can't handle my two best friends in my life, then he's not the one for me.

Chris greeted everyone and reminded them that Carlos and Max were here to stay, and that since Scott had already been sent home that meant only two men would be eliminated at the ceremony. Logan's hand immediately found Kendall's at the words, Kendall giving it a squeeze before dropping it as James entered the room.

They waited for James to address them but he instead stopped Chris from leaving, explaining that he needed a moment to clear something up before beginning the ceremony. Fear shot through the men, all of them wondering if they'd done something wrong, but it was Logan the hazel eyes settled on.

"Logan, can I have a word with you before we do this?"

"Uh...sure."

The group parted to make room for Logan to squeeze through, and he followed James back into the hotel with his heart galloping. James led him to a small room off the main hall and closed the door, gathering his thoughts before spinning to face Logan with hands in his pockets; Logan knew by now this was what James did when he was nervous or uncomfortable. "I know how much you must miss Caroline, and how hard that must make it for you in addition to the pressure everyone else is feeling. I understand now why there's a part of you that's ready to jump ship every five minutes, I get that she must be pulling you in that direction."

Logan only nodded, hands clasped in front of his waist.

"I have to send two people home tonight. What I need to know is, do you want to go home?"

Conflicted, Logan didn't know how to answer. He raised his eyes to meet James' stare and knew in that moment that he didn't; what he wanted was to have that gaze smiling on him as it had a few times before, hear James' laugh so carefree the way it had been when they were racing each other down a mountain. "No," he whispered, feeling sick to his stomach as it clenched.

"No? Are you sure?"

"Do you want me to?"

"No," James replied with a shake of his head.

"I miss her. So much more than I can begin to tell you. And I feel like a horrible father for wanting to stay longer, but...I do. I want to stay."

"Okay," James said softly. "That's all I needed to know."

They stared at each other for a while, unsure how to continue, until Logan said, "I am sorry. For keeping it from you. I was scared."

"I know. I told you once that I was keeping an open mind and you need to believe that, believe everything I tell you. Because I don't lie. And when I say that I want you to stay, I say it because it's true."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Remember what you said to me the night we met? You asked if you could go back to the limo and start over?"

Logan chuckled. "You remember that?"

"I remember every moment with you. That's what I'm asking now. Can we start over, with no secrets between us, and try to make this thing work?"

"I'd...really like that."

"Good," James said again, a slow smile spreading over his face. "We need to get back in there."

"Yeah."

"Can I..."

Logan had been moving toward the door when James' unfinished question stopped him. "A kiss?" Logan asked.

"Actually, no," James laughed. "But it's not a bad idea. Well, wait, it is; we may never leave this room if I kiss you. But I wondered if you had a picture of her. That you wouldn't mind showing me."

Logan blinked, heart once again racing. "Of course." With shaking fingers he lifted his wallet out of his back pocket, opening it to his favorite picture of Caroline. "This is her on her fifth birthday, we took her to the stables so she could ride." He felt James step up behind him, his breath catching when arms slid around his waist and James' chin rested on his shoulder.

"I love her little hat," James said with a smile.

"It was her birthday, of course she had to have a party hat."

"It's quite fashionable. And is that...your wife?"

Logan's gaze shifted to the picture in the next compartment, one of himself and Jane on their wedding day. "Yes. Her name was Jane."

"She's beautiful, Logan. I see where Caroline gets those big blue eyes."

Tears crowded in, Logan's heart yearning for something he would never have again.

"You look so happy. None of the weight I see in your eyes now."

"I was happy. I loved her very much. I always will, James."

The quaver in Logan's voice had James spinning him around, holding him tight. "That's okay. I would expect no less of you."

"You need to understand that. You might be the one I'm meant to be with, but you'll never replace her. Nobody will."

"Yeah. I know."

James said nothing else, and Logan knew how intimidating that must be for him. He only hoped James was willing to take that step anyway.

When Logan returned with red eyes, Carlos and Kendall exchanged a worried glance. James apologized for keeping the group waiting, and Chris once again left the room so he could begin.

The first name called was Kendall, and even through his concern for Logan Kendall was relieved beyond measure. James gave him a bright smile before asking, "Kendall, will you accept this rose?"

"Yes." His smile was just as huge as James pinned the rose to his shirt, and then he moved back into position.

A few more names were called, Kendall wanting so badly to ask Logan what had been said but he knew now wasn't the time; he also knew that there wouldn't be time after, that Logan would be whisked away and unable to contact him for at least a month. A panic set in, Kendall wondering how these two had affected him so deeply that he couldn't stand the thought of living without them in his life, not even for a month.

Somewhere in the middle Logan's name was announced, both Carlos' and Kendall's mouths dropping. Logan released the breath he'd been holding, then approached James at the front of the room.

"Logan. Please accept this rose."

"I will," Logan nodded, the two smiling at each other.

"Thank you."

"Thank you."

His rose in place, Logan returned to stand next to Kendall, who appeared more relieved than even Logan felt. Glancing to the left, Logan saw a similar expression on Carlos' face. He grinned at Carlos and then at Kendall, his heart lighter than it had been since stepping off the plane in L.A. a few weeks before. It was good to have friends like these.

Kendall's mental tally now put it at nine down, sixteen to go.