Title: Light of the Sun

Author: Lune Nightingale

Series: Transformers G1

Rating: PG for now.

Notes: I really put those last three things out fast. This one will be a little bit longer in coming out. I'm at a precarious point and I don't want to stumble too far out of character. That and with the new job I'm mentally exhausted. But I'm still going strong! I'm eager to see it done as much as you guys. Sunny/Prowl, implied Sunny/Sides, Hide/Ratch, and Sides/Blue. Also! I linked a little sketch on my profile for a scene for the last chapter. Tell me what you think if you get a chance. (There's also a poll there for those that are a fan of this fic. Give me your feedback and help me decide!)

Warnings: Tons of angst and indecision.

Disclaimer: I don't own the lyrics to "Talk" nor the characters from Transformers. Sadly, those belong to Coldplay and Hasbro respectively.

Oh brother I can't, I can't get through
I've been trying hard to reach you 'cause I don't know what to do
Oh brother I can't believe it's true
I'm so scared about the future and I wanna talk to you
Oh I wanna talk to you

-Talk by Coldplay-

Five chess games into the night later, he'd felt like he could function again with a level head. It had been so easy while trying so hard to keep up with the SIC to forget that Sideswipe was ignoring him. It was equally easy for him to pretend that he hadn't practically ripped Bluestreak's spark out and handed it to him just for the sake of doing so. The company of the Datsun had kept him calm even though he had lost so miserably each time. What should have been humiliating were actually the most peaceful hours he'd had in a long time. Even though he knew Prowl was holding back and making mistakes for his benefit, he didn't feel the slightest bit offended.

It hadn't been till Prowl said he should go recharge, that he realized there was a world outside of the strategist's office. Funny, for years he'd been sure that there was nothing that could make him want to stay in that office longer than necessary. Now he wished he was back there in the quiet company of the black and white Datsun.

By now, he was sure the sun had already risen, but he'd not managed to grab even a minute of recharge. Instead he rolled about from side to side feeling the empty place in his spark that once held his brother's vibrant company. No, it wasn't empty. It was just shut off from him hiding away all feeling and sound. This was what Sideswipe had even done in life. When he was angry at the yellow Lamborghini he shut him down and ignored him. But this time, the silence was cold.

Sideswipe was angry at him like he'd never been angry before. Before he'd felt completely justified, even indignant about how he was right and his brother was wrong. Yet after a charge less night with that constant reminder of his twin's anger, he suddenly began to rethink it.

The first few hours had been more a fight with himself. More than anything he wanted to believe that he was the one that had been wronged. It was his right and his duty to state how they had wronged him. But after a while, that argument grew thin and empty. The more he wanted to say Bluestreak was a sneaky little glitch, the more he saw those tears and the way the mech trembled. Primus… he was the cold spark, not Prowl.

That was the moment he'd changed the direction of his thoughts. For vorns he'd heard about how everyone thought Prowl was sparkless and unfeeling. Now he wondered if maybe he deserved the whispers more so than his commanding officer. After all, Prowl didn't make it a habit of tearing down his comrades with physical and verbal abuse. In fact, he couldn't remember a single time the SIC had yelled at anyone or lowered himself to call another names. And it really didn't count when he said something to Jazz that might have classified as 'mean'.

Now he wished that he'd actually talked about the tiff to Prowl over the chessboard. At least maybe he would have helped make this conclusion easier to see. Staring blankly at the ceiling, he felt his face plates shift into a long frown. There was an ache in his lazer core and chassis that made him want to gasp. More than anything… he needed his brother to talk to him.

"Sides…?"

Silence was his answer and he knew he'd have to say so much more than that to make this better. A long breath entered his intakes as he forced himself to choose his words carefully.

"I'm sorry for what I did." Only because it was said slowly, did he get that one word out. Apologies to his twin were generally easier than most, but even at those times it was hard. "I shouldn't have said things like that to Bluestreak."

The gust of warm air that left his exhaust was the only sign of the tension that left him. Had he really been waiting that long to let it out? "I've been a cold sparked glitch. Selfish and ignorant…" Biting into his lower lip, he felt the dental structure scrape into the lower faceplate. "Please Siders… I need you right now. I need you to tell me what to do cause I don't know. Please… talk to me…"

A long silence followed and he barely felt the shift in his spark that told him that his brother was at least listening to him. "This isn't something I can do on my own. This is also your life… I can't, Sides… I just can't…"

Sunny…

Quivering from the fear, he suddenly hugged himself about his midsection and rolled onto his side. The sudden sound of his brother's voice caused him to let out a dry sob of tension he'd been holding in since his brother had shut him out. Offlining his optics, he curled his knees into his chest. "Primus, Sides! I can't do this!"

Calm down, Sunny…

"I'm so sorry! Please… just don't stop talking to me."

Silly Daffodil… I'll forgive you if you promise to apologize to Bluestreak.

Clamming up a bit, he bit back his pride and selfishness. He needed his brother and he knew he was right. "Ok…"

He hated being compared to flowers… Flowers were happy and brought joy to humans, even some Autobots… but that wasn't Sunstreaker. He was more closely akin to a rain cloud than sunshine or flowers. But he'd let the nicknames go this time. Sideswipe used them to lighten the mood. It was almost as effective as poking him when he was in a 'touch-me-not' mood… but it was easier to take because he knew it was out of love. Sadly, it wasn't the sort of love he had always wanted from his twin.

Good. Now… lets sort this all out once and for all. All right? You can't do that if you keep sulking like a kicked puppy.

"I'm not a puppy…"

Heh… more like a cat. Grumpy and finicky…

"Very funny." Replying humorlessly, he knew what else he needed to say. Prowl's words echoed in his head as he thought it over quietly. It was time to let go. "You really love him… I can tell."

I… can't be sorry for that.

"You shouldn't be…"

I won't let go of him, Sunny.

"I won't make you."

But I want you to—You what?

The surprise in his brother's voice caused him to smile wryly. It was probably the last thing he expected to hear from the possessive twin. "We've been to the pit and back, Sides… you've always put me first. I suppose… it's my turn to do that for you." It hurt, oh Primus it hurt. But Prowl had been right when he said that he should be happy for the one he loved, not hold him back. So, this was him letting go.

S-Sunny…?

"I can't promise I'll be amiable and dandy with it… but if he makes you happy, then I won't make you stay apart." For a long moment there was silence, then he felt his spark wrench as though he were crying. It wasn't a sad cry though; it was one of relief and happiness to an extreme that he felt like truly crying with his twin. How could he have been hurting his twin so much?

Clutching his form into a tighter ball, he waited for Sideswipe to calm down while trying to bite down his own melancholy and tears. All this time he'd held on to his brother like a delicate thread to life. He'd clung to him for everything shunning the world that tried so hard to shun him. How much had Sideswipe sacrificed for him? He would do his best to do what Prowl said. He would learn to be happy for his brother for finding the love that made him happy.

Slag it, Sunny... How'd you manage to make me to come unscrewed at the seams? There was a weak chuckle in his processors and he couldn't help the painful smile. Thank you…

"Yeah…" Sighing lightly, he quickly changed the subject. "Say the word, Sides… and I'll go through the operation."

Hold it there, brother mine. You were right… I should have been thinking about the positive along with the negative… His voice was thoughtful as it played over his systems like a pensive sound. I think… for both our sakes, we need to sit down with Wheeljack and figure out the odds and whether they can be improved.

"I think that would be the best. He's the only unbiased one familiar with the procedure." Why did he feel relieved? Now he wouldn't have to break that promise to Prowl because they could make an equal decision. Both of them would live through this…

Then it's decided. We'll go talk to him!

"Right." Before he could move to get up, his brother stopped him with a thoughtful question.

You know, Sunny… Prowler's good for you. And I never thought I'd say that…

"Good for me?"

I don't know how to put it… you're changing a bit more each time you spend time with him… but it's for the better… ya know?

Thinking about this, he felt a warmth flutter in his spark as he ever so quietly gave his brother a simple one word reply before heading out of the room. "Yeah…"

--+--

With a sigh of relief that sounded like a wheeze from his engines, Sunstreaker stumbled into Wheeljack's lab. It had been hard to creep through med bay without getting caught by the watchful optics of Ratchet. Who thought up putting the door to the scientist's lab in the med bay? Honestly, whoever designed the Ark had a few screws loose and a fractured motherboard.

"What on earth happened to you, youngling?" The somewhat chipper voice caused him to yank to attention and straightened against the door he'd just slammed. He was sure the look on his face was awkward as he searched for an answer. "You look like you just did a mad dash from the pit. Was Ratchet chasing ya?"

Even though the scientist's voice was playful, he could tell he was a bit nervous about the yellow warrior. Wheeljack never really paid much attention to his reputation, and he knew that wasn't the case this time either. The only time the old scientist got disgruntled with him was when he and his twin tried to take things from his lab to 'play' with. But this time, the discomfort had everything to do with what Ratchet wanted to do.

"Ah, I needed to talk to you, Wheeljack…"

This had the elder on the defensive as he spoke carefully. "What about?"

"Well…. The… You see, Sides and I were discussing it… and we want to talk to you about the procedure and not Ratchet." Stating it resolutely, he straightened to his full height and lifted away from the door to point out how sure he was of himself. "We have a lot of faith in Ratch… but he's… he's too biased in this. We want, well, a voice of reason."

"A voice of reason, huh?" Looking a bit more relaxed, the scientist went back to tinkering with things on his workbench as though he needed to keep his hands occupied.

"Yes… So… I'm asking you to give me straight answers… please."

"I'll do my best, youngling."

Taking in a long inhale, he queried quietly. "Is it truly possible to bring him back?"

"Well…" The elder hesitated both in his words and in his motions as his hands stilled. "Yes. It is possible… but…" Sunstreaker cut him off.

"Is it also possible… that if you work with Ratchet, you could increase the odds of success? I believe in Ratchet… but… I'd feel better if you were there to help him…"

"Yes, this is true. If we worked together, the odds would most likely be improved…" The scientist seemed hesitant; therefore, he didn't stop the younger from going on.

"Would you agree to help him if we promised that we'll only go through with it when you are satisfied with the odds?" This caused the scientist to drop the tool in his hand and look up at the surviving twin with wide optics. For a long moment, neither spoke. Both Sideswipe and Sunstreaker silently prayed for a positive answer as they waited for the verdict.

"Well now… I suppose that is a mighty hefty responsibility to undertake…"

"But you are the one that is realistic about it. We need that to be sure that we're doing the right thing. If something does go wrong it will be our fault, not yours. Sides and I… want this to be done rationally…"

"Rationally, eh?" Audio fins flashed a bright shade of blue with his words as he saw the humor in that. Chuckling, his optics grinned for him. "Never thought that word could be applied to the two of ya. Fine fine…" Setting things into their place on his desk he walked over to Sunstreaker and patted him on the shoulder. "I'll do it."

Relief washed through him as he let out the air he'd been holding in. Placing his palm to his head, he tipped his head back to the ceiling in an over dramatization. "Wow… that's a relief."

Laughing heartily, the scientist patted him again and gently moved him out of the doorway. "Now, I'd better go tell the cranky doctor the good news. He'll be elated." Was it just him, or did Wheeljack suddenly seem excited about the prospect of settling the argument once and for all? "Run along now, Sunstreaker. I'll let you know as soon as I make my decision."

Giving a light nod, he watched the elder walk out with a spring in his step. Well now, it felt like he'd finally done something right. Mentally he thanked his brother and moved to leave the lab and once more sneak through the med bay while Wheeljack had Ratchet occupied in his office.

It felt good to finally set things in motion. He'd been stagnant for far too long.

--+--

Things seemed to settle down in the next couple of days. Optimus kept him off duty still if only to give him time to think. He had to admit that he'd never really noticed how kind the Leader was. Where he generally saw kindness as a weakness that changed for anyone that suddenly really needed that kindness. Now he seemed to be drifting like a butterfly with tentative movements. He waited for Wheeljack to answer as though he were on pins and needles.

The mech hadn't told anyone about the decision; it had remained between the twins and the Science officer until the verdict could be reached. In the mean time, he had been carefully staying out of the path of Bluestreak. It wasn't that he didn't want to follow through with his promise; he just needed time to be ready for it. Surprisingly, Sideswipe hadn't pushed him to get his act together. For that, he was very thankful.

About the only thing he left his quarters for was the nightly visit to Prowl's office. Where he looked forward to them, he also dreaded that feeling of betraying the elder. After all they had been through, he hadn't told the tactician that he'd made a tentative decision. It just wasn't an easy subject to breach with the Datsun. And the reason for this made him both sad and happy all at once.

Now he finally decided to go to the rec room and maybe face Bluestreak. Only, as he walked into the room, he froze when he saw the younger mech spot him. In an instant the Gunner was tripping his way over to him quickly. There was hope in his optics and fear ran straight down his cerebral cortex. As the humans say, fight or flight. He chose flight. Quickly turning on his heel, he was ready to make a run for it until he felt the softest touch to his chassis making him freeze in place.

Catching sight of the white hand, he let his gaze travel up the arm to the form of the black and white Datsun. Dermal plating tingled from the touch and he suddenly forgot that he'd been in the process of running away. All focus was oddly captured by the mech that wasn't even looking at him at the moment.

"Careful." The serene voice was stern in its gentleness as he gave the smallest of smiles to Bluestreak. "Hello, Bluestreak."

"Ah! Hi Prowl! I was um…"

"Trying to catch, Sunny?" The gunner seemed to hesitate and Sunny had a feeling he knew why. The younger Datsun hadn't ever heard the strategist call anyone but maybe Bumblebee by a nickname. But most mechs seemed to adore and take care of the little yellow minibot.

"Y-yes, sir!"

Sunny suddenly remembered he was supposed to be running away. Mentally he groaned at his mental slip and looked off to the side like a child being scolded. Funny, no one was even doing this. "I heard from Jazz that the two of you had a fight."

"A-ah… I… um…"

"Yeah." His spark was sinking in his chassis again, and this time it was because he could tell that Prowl seemed a bit disappointed in him. That was another thing he'd continued not to mention to the strategist in their sessions together in the last few days.

"Then I'll leave you two to talk it over." Turning his head to Sunstreaker, something in his gaze caused the yellow twin to be locked in place unable to look away. "I wanted to tell you that I won't be able to meet with you tonight." He went from entranced to feeling like the ground had fallen out from under him. "I have a meeting with Optimus, Jazz, and Ironhide to talk about necessary plans for a mission. If we finish early I'll let you know, but it isn't likely."

Well, the day had just gone from bad to worse. Nodding slowly, he suddenly jumped when the fingers on his chassis did a soft sweep over the sensitive dermal plating before pulling away. "Okay…"

The tactician smiled at him vaguely, before giving a nod to Bluestreak. "Work it out you two. I don't want internal conflict if it can be helped."

One last look from Prowl made Sunstreaker shiver. There was a bit of concern in that gaze. He'd told the Datsun about Sides and Blue, but even still he couldn't let personal feelings get in the way of duty. It was an admirable quality in the strategist, but also lamentable at the moment. Now he just didn't want to look at the Gunner that was now looking at him. He didn't want to imagine the expression. The younger had every right to be angry or even upset out of his processor. What he hadn't expected was what he did finally get in that pleading voice.

"Sunny! Can we talk, please? I… I really need to… talk to you."

Shrugging his shoulders, he couldn't say no and pride wouldn't let him say yes. Without looking back, he sort of waved for the other to follow him. Walking in awkward silence with the younger close at his heels, they emerged from the Ark and into the late day sunlight. Stretching, he offlined his optics and let the heat warm cooled metal. When he finally moved again, he glanced at the other to see him moving timidly at a safe distance from him. For some reason, it made him smile internally though his face remained in his normal scowl. "I'm not going to eat you or take you off into the woods and dismember you."

There was a soft nervous laugh and the gunner shook his head quickly. "I! I didn't… didn't think you'd do any of that! Honest!"

"Right." The tone was sarcastic, but it was obvious that he found the other's discomfort oddly amusing. "I just didn't want to be inside today."

"Oh…" Finally stopping a good distance from their base, he looked at the other with a hard stare. The words just weren't there. Both of them looked like fish out of water not knowing what to do. Leave it to Blue to break the silence. "I'm sorry, Sunny. I shouldn't have been so selfish!"

All he could do was stare. "What?" How on this backdated planet did the idiot really think he was being selfish? Dear Primus… how had Sides fallen for such an airhead?

"I didn't even think to ask if there would be bad repercussions about that procedure! I got excited and forgot to think… And… and… I know I was wrong for asking Sideswipe not to tell you about he and I…"

"Slow down." Frowning hard, he pressed his palm to his head in irritation as he tried to process all of this. What was Bluestreak's primary malfunction? Not for the first time, he realized how utterly selfless the mech was. In a way… Blue was his complete opposite. But there was something in those words that made him stop. "What do you mean you told him not to tell?"

"I…" Looking down, the gunner seemed to unconsciously back up. "I knew… I knew how much you loved him… but… but I loved him so much I didn't want to give up the chance… Sides… he didn't want to not tell you…"

Oh. So… it wasn't Sideswipe's idea. Why hadn't he said that? A wave of guilt hit him for all the sharp accusations he'd thrown at his brother all those times in the past week or so. He'd been… rather unfair. The first impulse was to throw his anger at Bluestreak for hiding it, but in the end, he just felt tired. His anger only seemed to dig his grave deeper. Maybe it was time to just let it all go. He'd promised Sideswipe he'd make up with the Gunner… and after finding out how wrong he'd been, there was no going back on his word.

"Sunny?" Worry colored that voice as he hesitantly reached out to the yellow mech. Sunstreaker didn't move, only stared at the ground. "I… I'm…"

"Don't apologize."

"Wh-what?"

"Just stop apologizing. You're an idiot sometimes." Sighing, he waved the other off lightly and shook his head. "You don't have anything to apologize for." Even though he wasn't happy for the other hiding such a vital fact from him, he couldn't blame him. Were he in the place of the young Datsun, he probably would have done the same. All of the bots on the Ark knew how frightening Sunny could be.

"I… I don't?"

"No. You don't." Saying the words slowly in a dry but teasing tone, he looked away. "I'm not happy. But that's my own fault. And if I really love him… I'll be happy that he's happy with someone else." Right Prowl?

"I… I don't… get… it." Bluestreak stumbled over his words and seemed so very lost. But Sunny couldn't seem to find the words to say he was sorry. It was one thing to say it to Sideswipe; it was entirely different with other mechs.

"You don't have to. It's my fault, not yours."

"Oh… I…"

"Cheer up… Sides gets all… weird when you look upset."

The younger suddenly looked up at him, his optics bright. "He does?"

"Yeah…"

"I miss him…"

Shutting down his optics, he roughly vocalized the next words. "He misses you too."

Ignoring the sound of Blue moving closer, he felt Sideswipe stir hopefully. Not once had his brother asked him to talk to Blue for him. He was probably afraid to. But now it was his own doing that was giving him the opportunity. So… he continued to just let go.

Sunny? Giving the mental go ahead, he felt the rush of happiness from his twin and allowed the smallest hint of a smile. Tell him… tell him about the decision! Tell him that… that…

"He loves you." He finished what his brother was afraid to say. There was a sense of awe in his spark and he could see the match to it on Bluestreak's face.

"I love him as well…" There was a bit of sadness in that tone, and he didn't seem to understand it. But as he stood there, he heard the thoughts so clearly in his head.

He's never said those words to me… He… I knew he…

Growling lightly, he reached out and whapped the Datsun upside the head with a controlled lightness. "Again, and say it like he's here, cause he can hear you, you dolt." The other yelped and he felt Sideswipe jump internally surprised by his brother. But Sunny was irritated. If he'd never vocalized that phrase to Sides, then the Datsun was more than just an airhead.

"I… Sunny?"

"Do it."

"I… I love you, Siders…"

Inside, he could feel Sideswipe practically glow with happiness. And though it ached like the pit, he was happy that his brother was that happy. For the first time he understood the meaning of bittersweet. So, after letting them bask in that moment, he pushed the topic aside and carefully explained their decision to Bluestreak. After all… he was now just as much a part of this as the twins were.

"Now… I talked to Sides… and we decided…"

--+--

All the waiting, all the contemplation finally came to an end. Pacing like a cat at the door of Prowl's office that night, he nearly jittered. He wanted the SIC to be the first to know. More than anything, he wanted the other to reassure him and make a single promise before he moved forward. Hours had passed, but he stayed in that hall resolutely into the wee hours of the night. He'd finally stopped keeping time when he felt the presence of another standing behind him.

Whirling about, he jumped at the proximity of the tactician. There, just feet from him, was the strategist looking extremely tired with datapads under one arm. "Sunny… I told you I wouldn't…"

"I know." Quickly moving, he did something he never would have thought himself capable of. Without hesitation he took the datapads from Prowl and stood to the side waiting for the older to enter the office first. "I just… needed to talk to you."

Frowning deeply, the elder seemed to contemplate it, but then tiredly gave in. Moving silently past the warrior, he entered his code and the door opened. Stepping in, he flicked the lights on and indicated his desk. "All right. Put the pads there. What did you want to talk to me about?"

Depositing the datapads on the desk, he bounced on his feet as Prowl settled into his desk chair. Where he was eager to talk, he suddenly felt on edge by the older mech's posture. There was even less emotion on his face than normal, and he knew deep inside, that wasn't a good sign. "Is… everything all right?"

Looking up, the strategist stared a moment before smiling just barely. "Fine. Just couldn't come to a resolution tonight on how to improve the statistical odds of a successful journey for Jazz's mission. But time was of the essence… so he had to leave before I could work out the problems."

Sunstreaker sank into the other chair feeling both worried for the Datsun and something else toward the Special Ops. Whoa… Sunny… are you… jealous?

Shoving the idea aside and ignoring his twin, he attempted a reassurance. "Jazz'll be fine."

"That's what we're counting on."

"Yeah…"

"So, what was it you wished to talk to me about?"

There was a little less enthusiasm, but he perked up when the officer returned his full attention to him. Well, at least it appeared to be his full attention. "A few days ago… Sides and I made a decision to talk to Wheeljack. We told him if he could improve the odds and gave the go ahead, we would go through with the procedure."

Prowl straightened impossibly as he met that look on Sunstreaker's face. There was a mix of emotions that quickly had a blank mask thrown over them. "Oh?"

"Yeah… we wanted someone that would be unbiased and truthful to make the observation… well… he came to me with the answer tonight."

"And?"

"He says the odds are now eighty-five percent positive."

Prowl seemed to be considering this and he spoke quietly. "With a fifteen percent chance of fatality."

"That's not that big of a number, Prowl…"

Silence followed, and by the slight twitches of the doorwings, Sunny knew that the other wasn't happy even still. So, instead of waiting for him to talk, he went on. "I need to do this, Prowl… but I don't…" Stopping, he felt himself struggle with the words. He hated sounding vulnerable, but it was something he couldn't let go. It was all he could think of the moment Wheeljack told him that he approved. "I don't want to do this without you there."

The tactician looked slightly surprised then he slowly seemed to relax. There was a defeated quality in his voice mixed with reassurance. "I told you I would support you regardless of whether I liked it or not."

"…Promise?"

"I promise…"

"Thank you…"

Sunny… you're…

Are you lost or incomplete?
Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?
Tell me how do you feel?
Well I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak
And they're talking it to me

So you take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or a write a song nobody has sung
Or do something that's never been done…

-Finé-