"I'm searching for something that I can't reach"

~Halsey

The farther the sun is gone from the sky the colder it gets. I wake up a few times every hour I'd guess, half from fear and half from the excruciating cold biting into my skin. Even bending my fingers send painful aches down to the bone. It's brutally cold, but I won't freeze to death- at least not tonight.

I take solace in the fact that I haven't heard any footsteps, or any other noise signaling another tribute. As far as I can tell, and as much as I hope, I am alone.

I don't think I sleep for more than two hours when something pulls me out of my sleep for good. I lay completely still, not making a sound. I don't know if it was a dream, or a squirrel in the trees, or even just paranoia, but I swear I can hear noises coming towards me.

After a moment I can hear the sound again, the sound of boots tiredly dragging against twigs. Silently I roll onto my stomach, propping myself up so that I can see between the tree branches. The sound comes and goes, making me think it's gone before it suddenly remerges.

Then, between the trees, a figure emerges. He's tall, not particularly broad but definitely larger than me. As he moves closer I'm able to make our more of his features; particularly the sleek axe hanging limply from his hand.

A lump rise in my throat, sending a fiery wave down into my stomach. I can tell he's exhausted by the slump in his shoulders and how he drags his feet. Even so, I'm sure he could overpower me. Unless he didn't see me coming…

Without a weapon I don't have a chance at winning in a fight. I don't have the brains to construct some elaborate trap, or the patience to trick everyone into killing each other. What I need is a weapon to use when the time comes, and this may be my only chance at getting one.

Above me comes a loud echo of music that makes me flinch, crunching some twigs. I freeze, looking towards the boy, but he seems too distracted by what I've realized is the recap.

Luckily, I can see some patches of the sky from where I lay. I keep close watch on the boy, who has stopped about twenty feet from me to stare at the sky. Finally, I allow my attention to be split between him and the projection above. I want to know who's left.

The first face to appear in the sky is Platt, the Career from District 4. I'm momentarily surprised. Careers never die at the cornucopia… I wonder who killed him. I don't have much time to contemplate his death before the young girl from 6 appears, followed by her district partner. Both tributes from 8 are gone, as is the boy from 9 and girl from 10. My chest tightens when the young smile of the twelve-year-old boy from 11 appears. David is his name; I take note to remember his name. He never had a chance- he was doomed from the start. I just hope he didn't suffer. After him are both the District 12 tributes; they never seem to have any luck.

The anthem plays for a few more long seconds before plunging me back into the cold night- faced with a decision I don't want to make.

I hear the boy sigh. I'm pretty sure he's Kiyo, the boy from 10, which would mean his district partner is dead. For some reason it makes me think Kane. I don't know why but I wonder if he's with the Careers. I expect he is. Is he afraid? Are any of the Careers? I have no attachment to Kane, and I'm sure if I ever talked to him outside the Games we wouldn't get along, but there's an attachment between us. He's from home; together we are the only people to come from District 7- the land of trees and paper. He knows what my life is like and I understand his. When it comes down to it, I know I'll be sorry that he's dead. I wonder if he'll feel the same about me.

Kiyo sighs again, bringing me out of my partial daydream. The familiar tendrils of fear are still writhing in my gut, making me feel uncomfortably close to vomiting. I know what I should do- what I need to do, but I don't know if I can do it.

I clench my fists together. I can do it. I have to. If I don't, then someone else will and I'll be left weaponless and alone. I watch in agonizing silence as Kiyo walks a few feet away before slinging off his own backpack. How would I even do it? I don't even know how to kill him.

Again, I realize that isn't true. There are ways to kill people without having a weapon. Derek told me more than I wanted to hear about killing- which is anything at all. But actually being faced with having to do it is different than imagining it. The moment I make myself known I put myself at risk. He could easily turn around and kill me if I didn't do it right. But the potential consequences of not killing him and not having a weapon for the end are too great to risk.

I try to breathe deeply and stop the tremble in my arms. It's hard to tell if I'm shaking because I'm nervous, or because I'm shivering. The temperature plummets with each minute, and I know it's not enough to cause me to freeze to death, but it's still enough to hinder my movements.

Kiyo settles down about twenty feet from where I'm hidden. He must have been waiting for the nightly announcement to stop walking. I'm sure the Gamemakers played it when he was beside me on purpose hoping that was his plan. They want a show, but I'll bet they think it would be the other way around.

It feels like hours that I lie there, not moving, barley breathing. I watch as Kiyo sits against a tree, axe lying beside him wrapped in his hand. I want to make sure he's asleep before I crawl out. If he notices me before I'm prepared… I don't think I'd have a chance of coming out alive.

I sit up carefully, straining to watch him for at least two hours. It's a weird sensation, watching his breaths and twitches and knowing that I plan on killing him. If all goes as planned, he'll be dead soon. No more breaths, no more dreams, no more anything.

There's a heavy rock just out of reach form where I lay. I give Kiyo one last long look, waiting for the smallest twitch but when it doesn't come I begin to wriggle my way free of the tree. It's slow going, to make sure I stay silent and don't accidently snap a twig and wake him up.

Finally, I'm free of my hideout. I sit crouched, watching to make sure he's still asleep. I keep my eyes firmly on Kiyo as I peel off my gloves and pick up the heavy rock in my hand; I need to make sure I keep my grip on it. It's bitterly cold, making my fingers clench but I don't let it go. It's jagged and I can already tell it will probably cut into my hand. But hopefully it will do more damage to him, making this fast and easy. I mean to kill him, but I don't want to make him suffer.

Eventually I run out of excuses to sit still and I rise to my feet, crouched slightly out of terror. I hold the rock ready to use, like it might actually be some sort of defense if he hears me coming.

As I get closer I can hear the soft breaths coming from his mouth. His head leans back against the trunk of the tree, turned just enough that I can see the soft skin of his neck. The axe lies loosely in his hand, temptingly close. His backpack, identical to the one I wear however, is lying over the blade and a portion of the handle. I wouldn't be able to even move it without waking him up. There's a chance I could grab it and kill him before he could react, but more than likely he's wake up at the first sound he hears and throw me off just to kill me with it instead. So I have the rock. Hopefully it buys me enough time to take it from him…

I stop once I'm beside him. His head nods slightly against the tree but he has no idea I'm here. I bounce the rock in my hand, gripping it tightly. I pause before moving, glancing into the trees around me. Cameras must be watching right now. Let them see. I take a deep breath, apologizing silently to him before I swing the rock as hard as I can into his skull.

It seemed so simple before this moment. All I had to do was knock him out, grab the axe, slit his throat, and run. I didn't think he would fight. But as soon as I strike the blow he jerks awake, yelling out in surprise. Immediately he lunges at me, which surprises me enough that he manages to grab hold of my coat. I stumble and fall onto one knee, my other lands on his stomach, causing him to gasp at the sudden pressure.

It's not what I'm prepared for but I don't have another option. I take advantage of Kiyo's brief distraction and swing the rock into his face. He falls to the side with the force, giving me to chance to press my knees into his shoulders and grab the hood of his coat and pull his head back towards me.

His arms writhe at his sides, desperately trying to push me off- but I'm not moving. I swing my arm again, flinching at the crunch that comes from the top of his head. I can feel the fabric of my coat and shirt pull against my torso and he pulls against it.

I hit again and again and again. Something had taken over, forcing me to move, my muscles to contract. I've come this far. At some point he stops trying to pull me off and instead digs his fingers into my side. I grit my teeth as his fingernails begin to tear at the skin near my hip. He's frantic, his movement becoming more spastic each time I swing the rock into his skull. His screams become louder and higher in pitch. There's a gurgling coming from him, like an animalistic growl that makes me think he's chocking on blood- it drips from his mouth, and, each time I strike, it sprays against my face and arms.

Then suddenly his hands fall away and his head lolls to the side. I don't know how close to death he is, though I know it has to be close. So I hit again, and again, and again until my arms are shaking and a howling sob type scream rips out of my throat, in tune with the cannon that explodes overhead.

I can feel my body go cold and give up. I don't care about the boy beneath me, or the blood covering my face. I don't care that he's dead or that I killed him. All I can focus my attention on is the pain shooting down my arms.

I can't take it anymore. The rock falls, landing on the frozen earth with a loud thud. I roll back on my heels, letting out an exhausted sob. I look up at the sky, starring at the twinkling stars in between the sparse leaves. I know I should be cold but a heat rises out of my stomach, surging up to my face so fast that it snaps me back to attention and I look back down at Kiyo. His face is shredded. There's more blood covering us and the ground nearby than I thought possible.

Horror overtakes me, pushing me away from the body into the snow. All the cold creeps back in, reclaiming what belongs to it. I swear I can still hear the cannon, bouncing around in my skull. I just kept swinging and swinging. I couldn't think of anything else but breaking open his skull. I think I'm going to vomit but after a few moments of pulsating nausea, I rise to my feet. I did this. This is my fault.

I've never felt as exhausted as I do now. But I have to move. Even if I could rest, I wouldn't. I can't stand being near this place anymore. I take a few shaky steps forward, walking farther around Kiyo's body than necessary. Shame mixes with the fear and anger coursing through my veins. His family was probably watching. They saw what I did to him.

I pick up the axe, feeling the familiar weight in my hand. I take his backpack and turn to leave without checking its contents. Right now I don't care. All that matters is leaving this place. As the snow crunches beneath my feet and I cross beneath the trees I can feel the cold ice over my heart. Whatever happens, I'll fight it. Right now no one can stop me. I'll kill them all if I have to- every last one of them.