OMG I had so much fun writing this chapter...I could have writen it twice as long but I cut it short here, because that leaves fun for the next chapter...

I hope you all will enjoy this as much as I do...

Thanx for all the reviews...I'm enjoying them very much...I hope this time we'll hit the 60...

10. Manly excuses and girly talk

I knew when crossed the safety shield, because I saw my mother outside, looking around her. Her expression terrified.

"Ginny!" she screamed when she saw me running towards the house. "What happened, where are they?"

I skidded to a halt next to her, I couldn't just walk past her without explaining what had happened.

"There was an attack, Greyback and a few others, everything is alright now, Harry and Kingsley have things under control." I spitted Kingsleys name out, I was even more angry with him than I was with Harry. He was the one who offered Harry the job, he was the one who was taking Harry away from me.

"What do you mean an attack?"

"The guards around the house, some of the Death eaters wanted to get through to us, they attacked the guard when they couldn't find us." I rushed.

"How…Why…" my mom stuttered.

"Dad and Harry will explain. I just want to go…" it was all I could manage before tears started to fill my eyes.

"Ginny? What is wrong?" my mom asked

"I…I really just… want to go." I turned away and ran upstairs.

I cried for what felt like hours, hidden under my sheets.

How could he do this to me? It was the only question that was ruling my head. As if it wasn't enough to realize that the outside world wasn't yet safe, that we still had t deal with danger, and he just threw everything I was sure about out of the window. I had been so sure he wanted to be with me at Hogwarts, just to be together. Starting our life as a couple, like we should, in the last year of our education.

From the moment I knew that this was the plan for next year I had been fantasizing about it. Dreaming about walking hand in hand around the lake, hiding behind Hagrid's house to make out, making all the other girls jealous as he would kiss me after we won a match. Somehow, somewhere today that dream got splintered and in that process it ripped me apart. I was going to loose him again and I wasn't sure if I could handle it a second time.

I just didn't know what to do, I didn't know what I felt, I couldn't deal with it. It was just to much, that dream ripped apart after what we had been through was tearing open holes in my chest.

After a long time of crying I was to exhausted and fell asleep.

Nightmares ruled my head.

I dreamt the most ridiculous but most scary dream I ever had. I was back at school and the fight was still going on, I was fighting next to Harry and every time I looked over at him he changed into an other person, every person I have ever hated, telling me that school was for wimps and that I was one of them. Every time the face changed I begged my enemies to kill these people, and it happened. A large pile of dead faces started to form in front of me, the one more horrific than the other. Then again I heard the words "school is only for stupid people, it's where you belong." and I begged again to please kill the person next to me. Those words hurt like hell and I wanted it to end. So when I looked down to see who was it that had been killed this time, who had spoken those hurtful words…I woke up…completely startled.

"No…no… that never…" I whispered to myself. My body was quivering and my heart was racing, that last image of my dream lingered behind my eyes, I couldn't push it away.

"I'm sorry, so sorry, I should have told you." I heard Harry's voice whisper. I froze instantly. His arms were wrapped around me, my head laying against his chest.

Suddenly I broke down, everything that had happened over the last year was becoming too much, too heavy to bear. Thinking I would never see Harry again, seeing Harry back at Hogwarts, seeing Harry dead, seeing Harry alive, realizing Harry would stay at school with me, planning a summer holiday, realizing Harry won't be with me next year, and now the dream. The dream in which I begged them to kill Harry.

I cried uncontrollably, shaking and shivering, not even caring that I was supposed to be the strong one.

Harry let me cry, he just stroke my hair. I didn't know if he wasn't sure what to say, if he had nothing to say or if he let me get it out first. He just let me be.

After about fifteen minutes I calmed down a bit. Harry's continues stroking my hair and shoulders felt soothing, and it pushed the images of the dream away.

I suddenly remembered that I shared my room with Hermoine and shot up.

"Hermione?" I whispered.

"She's with Ron, your mom thought it would be better I'd stay with you until you woke up. She knew you were really upset. So she told Hermione to sleep in my room, but I heard her sneak upstairs a while ago." Harry answered.

"Mom knows what is going on in her house." I whispered.

"I know, but she'll can't really do anything about it. They are adults now."

I tried to blink away my tears so that I could see his face but they were still flowing.

I silently waited for Harry to confirm what I already knew but it stayed silent for a long time, like Harry was waiting for me to say something. When he realized that I couldn't say anything about it he took a deep breath.

"Ginny, I'm sorry." He whispered, and I tensed, waiting for the final blow that would shatter my idea of a happy normal year at school. A small gasp escaped my mouth.

"shhh, Ginny, let me explain my plans first."

"Okay…" I whimpered.

"I'm sorry you had to find out about these plans this way, I should have told you right away. I'm going to be at Hogwarts next school year, I'm going to stay with you as much as I can."

"but…" I asked.

"But, Kingsley offered me a place in the auror trainings program, and I excepted it…under certain conditions."

"like?" I couldn't leave the sarcasm out of my voice.

"Like, I will stay at Hogwarts, I will live there, finish my NEWTS and stay with you, Ron and Hermione. I don't really have a place to live anyway, I could go to Grimmauld place but I really don't want to. I really want a peaceful year at Hogwarts, like every school going teenager has the right too. Nothing to fear, just to enjoy."

"But won't you be away all the time?"

"No, it won't be like a normal auror training, Kingsley thinks I have proven myself enough to join up right now, but I think I need more training, so this training will be adapted to what I still need to learn, Kingsley will personally train me, and it will only be two days a week while we are at school."

"So you'll be with me next school year?" I asked, I just had to, I still felt so much doubt.

"Yes, for as much time as possible. I really do want a normal year at school before I'm to old to enjoy it."

I laughed at his words, sure Hogwarts would still take him if he was eighty.

"Won't you be studying like crazy?" I asked.

"We both will be spending a lot of time studying, but that's just an other thing we could do together."

I nodded, I really liked that idea but I didn't want to get my hopes up, he would still be away a lot. I lay in Harry's arms for a while, just thinking about the next school year. About how I hoped we really would be spending time together next year, but also about how Harry was already planning his future, something I hadn't even dared to think about. Suddenly Harry brought me back to the present.

"Ginny, I'm really sorry, I should have told you first. This really wasn't the way I wanted you to know." He murmured in my hair.

I sighed, I knew he was telling the truth, but it still hurt a bit. I just couldn't understand why he couldn't wait one year before starting his future. One year of peace and quiet, was that so much to ask.

"I know, Harry, I know…"

"But?" he pressed as he heard my hesitation.

"Why don't you just wait a year? Why can't you have one year of peace?" I asked, my voice a bit sharper than usual, the pain was still slipping through.

"I would if I thought it was save."

"What do you mean?" I interrupted.

"Well, your family, Hermione and I will be one of the most hated people in the world as you look through the eyes of dark wizards. Death eaters we failed to catch and other supporters of Riddle's ideas will want revenge. You saw it today. I just think the auror training will give me an extra edge, I think it will make me able to defend myself and you better."

I looked up, my eyes wide with surprise. It was dark in the room but the moonlight was enough for me to make out his face. I saw that he was smiling down at me.

"All I care about is your safety, and I know all you care about is mine, I saw this as the only solution." He explained.

I pushed up and kissed him with all the love I had for him. I should have realized that what ever Harry did it was always for others and never for himself.

After a short second of surprise Harry answered my kiss with just as much love. One of his hands was still in my hair and the other sneaked around my waist and rested on my back. I parted my lips a bit inviting him to do the same. My tongue darted out on its own accord softly tracing his lips. My hand slid over Harry's arm, tracing his muscles, the other roamed over his chest.

We had kissed like this many times before but this time it felt different, there was more passion and a lot more love between us. It made the air around us hum with electricity. I shivered as the passion toke over my brain and I gasped for air. Not for the first time I felt like I needed him even more than this.

I had the feeling Harry felt this passion, this need as well because he pulled me even closer. I couldn't think clearly anymore, I couldn't remember why I had objected against these feelings, all that roamed my head was the feeling of his muscles under my hands and his soft lips hungrily kissing mine.

Harry pulled back before we could get into it too much, but instead of let me lay down against his chest again he pulled me even closer and hold me there for a while. I slowly came down from the haze that had ruled my mind, the passion filled fog that clouded all my believes and limitations I had set for myself. I remembered deciding that I would leave the pace of our intimacy up to Harry, but now I got the suspicion that he might want to move at same pace my body seemed to beg for.

Growing up and being intimate with someone was complicated, how did you know you were ready for it? Still, I was grateful that Harry had pulled away, I felt it showed that we both weren't really ready for that next step.

As I silently mauled this over, Harry rested his lips on my forehead and stayed there.

"I just can't believe this is all real." Harry whispered after a few seconds.

"What do you mean?" I asked as I pulled back to look at his face.

"I'm afraid that this is all a dream, that I will wake up and that I'm still in the tent. That I'm still lost."

"I feel the same, a bit at least." I whispered.

"You do?"

"Yes, I'm still scared that one day I wake up and not finding you at the table or next to me. That we don't know where you are."

"Was that the hardest part for you, not knowing where we were?" Harry asked

"Yes, but it was more than that, rumors were flying around, one second we were told you were dead, then that you had been captured, I was never ready to believe it but as time went by we started to hear less rumors it started to get quiet. I lived every evening in fear that I would fall asleep and wake up to the news that I had been fearing the most. Every night I prayed for some sign or some bit of news that would tell us that you were alright."

Harry looked at me for a few seconds and softly kissed me, when he pulled back he asked.

"How did you cope?" his voice low with emotion.

"Not really well," I sighed, "At school we had some distraction, we did everything to make sure you and Dumbledore's spirit lingered at school, but when I was forced to stay at home…it was a nightmare. Everybody was tense, we just did nothing but hoping for good news."

I looked at him, remembering those days like it was only yesterday.

"Good news came." I continued, "or at least positive rumors. Dad told us that there were rumors about you being at the Lovegood house. At least that told us you weren't dead or captured yet."

"That's how you stayed sane? Living on rumors?"

"Yes, what else was there to do, I wasn't going to give up hope." I answered.

Harry smiled at that, pulling me in a strong hug again.

"How about you, what was the worst part of it for you?" I asked in a small voice, I wasn't sure if he was ready to answer this one.

"Also the not knowing. I knew roughly where you were, I still had the map so I checked on you quite a lot actually, we also had the painting of Headmaster Black with us, he told us about what you were up to at school and of course Bill told us you were alright. So I didn't live in constant fear that you would be gone without me knowing about it. I worried about you a lot but I had to stay focused on the task Dumbledore gave us. The problem was I didn't know what it was exactly."

"Can you explain that?" I whispered.

"Dumbledore left us vague stories, the things from his will, nothing matched up to what he had personally told me. I just didn't know what to do or where to go. Ron, Hermione and I traveled around the country doing nothing but trying to figure out what these clues could possibly mean. What I had the hardest time dealing with was that I knew as long as I didn't figure this out people would continue to die."

"You know nobody blames you for not being able to stop him the day they attacked the ministry."

"I know, but still it's the hardest thing to cope with, I made mistakes that had cost us a lot of time and with that lives."

I sat up and pulled him into my arms, I knew that this confession had been so hard for him. I knew that he would feel this weight for a long time but I was determined not to let it stand in the way of his happiness.

"We have some strange months behind us." Harry sighed.

"I couldn't agree more, it feel like we have lived in a orb or something. So cut off from what live should be."

Harry nodded, we both knew that it would take time to really feel alive again.

"I don't think we can even say we want everything to be back to normal." I thought out loud.

"How so?"

"Well, normal means that you would still be hunted and that there is still fear for a certain dark wizard. We both don't know anything else."

Harry nodded, from what I could see he looked thoughtful. He was silent for a long time, stroking my hair and staring out the window.

"What are you thinking?" I asked after ten minutes.

"oh…about how strange everything will be. You are right, we don't know anything else, I was wondering how difficult it would be to adapt to this new life."

"I don't know, do you find it difficult to be back here, locked up in a house?" I worried.

"No! Ginny, no. Never think that. I love it here, it's the only place I feel really at home, and I won't miss the camping either. Whenever we go on holiday, we won't be going in a tent, I have seen the inside of a tent enough to last me a life time."

I laughed at that, "So dad has to bring hotel brochures with him tomorrow."

"Definitely."

We both laughed a bit. It was strange that we could go from being so serious to laughing with just a few words. It had always been that way between us, when Harry felt down I cheered him up and when I felt down he cheered me up. Somehow I could imagine that it will always be that way. Comfortable, knowing what the other need.

I stifled a yawn and looked out of the window, it must have been the middle of the night.

"Do you have anything planned early in the morning?" I asked as I yawned again.

"No, why?"

"Because I think it's already way past midnight and you look tired."

Harry just nodded, he got the hint and slid down under my blankets. I turned so I could lay comfortable in his arms.

"Is mom angry with me?" I asked as I ran through the last few hours in my head.

"No, why should she?"

"Well I just ran past her without much explanation of where everybody was and what had happened."

"No, she wasn't angry with you. I told her what happened, why you were so upset. Ginny, she understands that when things change it will be hard on both of us. She know that there is so much that is going to change."

I sighed and relaxed, I had started to feel guilty about the way I left my mom in her panic. I curled myself up in Harry's arms even more, it felt so good to lay in his arms.

"Hmm, you know, I could get used to sleeping in your arms." I whispered as I closed my eyes.

"Me too but I'm not sure your mom would agree."

"Why not, it's not like we are doing anything." I muttered. I actually managed to sound frustrated about that fact. Harry's breath hitched for a second, than he breathed out slowly. He didn't comment on my words but I had the feeling he was thinking quite hard about them. I wasn't sure if I was ready to start that discussion and I sure wasn't going to be the one who would bring it up.

After a while Harry kissed me goodnight and we fell asleep, both not ready to talk about it. My dreams were a lot more peaceful and almost blissfully happy. I don't know what it was but my body and brain felt much more calm when Harry was close by.

~O~

When I woke up I found Harry still next to me, already awake and smiling down at me.

"Did you sleep well?" He asked.

"Yes, like I said I could get so used to sleeping in your arms, it like your presence is calming my brain. I don't know what it is." I said sleepy.

"Ginny…about what you said last night…" Harry started, it woke me up quite harsh.

"Harry, don't worry about it." I cut him off, I wasn't up for difficult discussions in the morning. I needed a shower and some food first.

"If you want to, but I think we have to talk about it at some point." He whispered.

I turned to him in time to see him blushing almost as much as I could. It wasn't often that Harry blushed but now his face was turning red and he quickly changed the subject.

"I haven't planned anything for today, shall we go for a walk after breakfast, I can fill you in on the rest that had happened yesterday."

"Yes, but I need a shower first." I said. Harry started to get out of the bed but I pulled him back down.

"You're not leaving here without kissing me." I murmured against his lips. He smiled softly as he kissed me back. After a few minutes of soft but passionate kissing Harry pulled back and smiled down at me.

"I'm going to get changed, I'll see you downstairs." He said. With another soft kiss he was gone. I stayed in my bed for few minutes, catching my breath. Our kisses were becoming more passionate every time we kissed and they left me breathless.

Before I could think about things too much I hopped out of bed and grabbed my stuff to take a shower. The shower didn't take as long as I liked, apparently I was the last to shower and hot water was limited. I could have made the water warm again but as I wasn't yet off-age I'd rather not risk it and get my mom angry.

With my hair wrapped in a towel and clad in my bathrobe I made my way back to my bedroom and opened my closet. On the inside of the door was a full length mirror, I had asked my mom and dad for it the year I started school, I wanted to know what I looked like. Not just my face but the whole picture.

I smiled at the memory of the day I got this mirror. I had stood in front of it the whole day, my school robes on and wondering if the famous Harry Potter would like me, wondering if I was pretty enough for him.

I now realized that it had been one of the two times I really looked into it. The other day was when my mom and I bought my first dress robes. I just had to see what it looked like on me. Now, I stood here in my bathrobe and wondered what I looked like now. I knew my face of course, but I hadn't seen the whole picture in at least three years, normally I just look down to see if clothes still fit or my mom would tell me if they were to short. I know, it isn't really girly of me but being raised in a house full of boys didn't help developing a girly side.

This time I really wanted to know, I wanted to see what Harry saw when he looked at me.

I took a deep breath and stepped in front of the mirror. I don't know why but I was afraid of what it would show. I didn't even knew what to hope for. I opened my eyes and started at my legs, I was surprised to see that they were still slim. They looked long. As my eyes worked their way up I noticed my body had changed in the last three year quite drastically. I had curves now. I knew that of course, my mom had bought me bra's when she though the time was right and they had fitted nicely but I didn't knew my curves were like this.

I pulled off my bathrobe and stared at my naked body. I looked like a woman. I stared at myself for a long time, I really couldn't believe what I saw.

"Ginny! Are you up yet! I really need my clothes." Hermione called as she walked into my room. I squealed and tried to hide behind the door, but it was to late.

"Oh! Oh sorry Ginny." Hermione squealed as she stepped back out the door.

"No, Hermione, come in. it's ok, I was just getting dressed."

Slowly Hermione walked back into the room making sure she wasn't looking at me. She quickly reach her bag. I didn't turn to her or move to grab any underwear, I just couldn't take my eyes of the mirror.

"Hermione?" I asked a bit shy.

"Yes, Ginny."

"When actually did this happen." I asked a bit overwhelmed and pointing to my body.

She looked up at me.

"What do you mean?" she couldn't hide her surprise.

"This! my body, since when does it have curves like that?"

"Oh…"

I could see her thinking about what to say, and while she though about an answer I finally moved to get at least some underwear on.

"Ginny, you have changed quite a lot this last year. Even before we left you started to get more womanly curves, but honestly you have changed a lot since we left." She answered seriously.

"I haven't even noticed it." I muttered.

Hermione laughed at that, "Maybe you haven't but I'm dead sure that Harry has noticed, even I did!"

I turned bright red at her words, Hermione noticed and stopped giggling.

"oh, Ginny, you know it is only normal. You are almost seventeen now, of course your body is changing, mine still is as well and it won't stop any time soon, I guess."

"Yeah, I know, it just took me by surprise."

"I know, it can be overwhelming if you don't keep track. My body started to change a lot in the summer between our third and fourth year, I panicked because I didn't want to be the curvy girl at school, but hanging around with Ron and Harry had its advantages, they never really saw me that way." She giggled at the end, indicating that those times were far behind.

I just had to ask.

"Does Ron see you that way now?"

This time it was Hermione that blushed.

"Yes, he does, or I believe he does."

I thought about that as I pulled my t-shirt over my head. I wasn't in for dresses and witch robes today, just comfortable muggle clothing. I wondered if Hermione was going through the same strange feelings as I have been. She was always so smart and always knew answers maybe she could help me with this, without me getting embarrassed.

"Hermione, can I ask you something personal?"

"Yes, of course." She said brightly.

I sat down on my bed as I pulled on some socks.

"You and Ron…do you have…you know… taken it to the next step?" I tried to ask it but I was afraid that she would find me nosy. She sat down across me on her own bed and looked at me for a few seconds.

"A bit…" she admitted blushing.

"Can I ask how far…?" I asked as I up looked at her.

"I'll answer if you'll tell me why you want to know?" She said after a long silence.

"Okay." I nodded.

Hermione took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a second. It looked like she was trying to calm down a bit.

"We haven't gone far…" she whispered, "Just a bit of touching, with clothes on, I mean."

"Oh, why?" I wasn't sure why I expected more from them, maybe because they had been together with out parents around for almost a year, but I didn't expected this.

"Uhm… because it's still a bit awkward for the both of us. We have grown up with each other, we know each other very well, but when it comes to physical part, lets say that it's a bit strange."

"But you want to go further?" I asked.

Hermione blushed again but answered honestly.

"Yes and no, I'm a girl, seventeen and in love, of course I desire more, but I don't want to take the chance and make a stupid mistake. Besides that I'm not even sure Ron or I are ready for it."

I exhaled loudly, I was relieved that Hermione would understand my struggle. She looked at me again and saw my relieve written all over my face.

"Now, tell me, why do you want to know?"

"I…I have…I have been struggling with the same thing from the day after the battle." I whispered.

"What do you mean, maybe I can help." Hermione said eagerly.

"I'm counting on your help actually." I pointed out. I toke a deep breath and started.

"Every time Harry and I kiss or even hold each other I feel this hum. Like butterflies, like electricity, it makes me insane, it makes me want him even more. When I look at him or kiss him I feel this desire taking over every part of my brain. Last night when we kissed, Harry pulled back after a while and it was good because I couldn't. Every time it happens every single cell in my body tingles."

"You know that it is normal to have these feeling for your man." Hermione pointed out.

"Hermione, I'm sixteen, I just found out today that my body looks like that of a woman. I'm not old enough to feel this way. Kissing and cuddling yes, but wanting more…wanting to have him in every physical way possible, no, I'm too young for that. I just don't know how to deal with these feelings." At the end of my rant my voice sounded desperate.

Hermoine sat down next to me and put her arm around me.

"Ginny, I'm not even sure if seventeen is old enough. In some parts of the world muggle children get married when they are our age or even younger, they don't even have a choice, they are raised with the believe that as soon as they get their first period they are old enough to get married. Physically maybe they are ready to have children, but most of the time mentally they aren't ready for it. In other parts kids are free to do what they want, they have sex with each other at our age, just because they want to, commitment to somebody or not. In the muggle world if you are a virgin at the age of eighteen or twenty you are considered weird by people the same age. I don't know if either of it is right, but it's certainly not my way."

"What is your way then?"

"I let Ron lead the way and if he goes too fast I'll pull on the brakes, but I'm sure Ron won't go too fast, he is much too insecure with himself."

"I settled for the same thing, leave it to Harry to set the pace, but I'm not sure if I can and he doesn't even know that I'm having trouble with these feelings." I admitted.

"Ron doesn't either, but some day soon I'll have to tell him. I think you should talk to Harry about this as well. He is much more mature than Ron is, I don't think it will be a hard conversation."

"I know…" I nodded, "Hermione, I'm happy that you are here and that I can talk to you about these things. It would have been so awkward to ask mom or Fleur."

"I'm happy to have you as a sister and friend to talk to." Hermione said with a smile. I smiled back at her, I loved it that she called me her sister.

"You know what?" I giggled.

"No, what?"

"We should go out shopping like sisters do, before we go on holiday, just the two of us. A girls day out."

"That sounds great. Muggle or wizard world?" She asked.

"Why not both." I giggled, "You can show me shopping the muggle way and I take you shopping witch-style."

"We have to make sure we can do that, because of the safety issues, but I'm sure up for a girls day of shopping." Hermione said as she got up.

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