Chapter Ten
"Oh Fuck...Ow, Fuck fuck fuck fuck," I mumble my mantra quietly and try to ignore the sweat that is dripping down my forehead. I grunt and push forward. I am determined to finish my exercise. I've improved my use of the prosthetic the past couple of weeks, and am determined to let go of the parallel bar by the end of my session. I know I won't be able to walk without some form of support for a while, but the harder I work, the closer I am to getting a cane instead of crutches or a wheel chair. And today...today I just want to do a couple of steps with nothing. Just a few, to give me new hope. This past hour though has been grueling. I can't stop sweating and swearing. Sydney keeps being this stupid, perky, optimistic person, and I'm tempted to turn around and slap her...but balance is proving to be a bitch. It's so hard to re-learn how to balance. I'm learning how much weight to put on the real leg and how much weight to put on the fake one. Then there's the fact that I have to use my stump muscles to move the piece of equipment forward. Not fun. I groan in frustration. "I'm not gonna be able to do this." I pant.
"Sure you can Sweetie!" Sydney encourages me, "Just use the bars, that's what they're there for," she says. "Don't try to push yourself too quickly Arizona; you're working hard and you'll be able to walk soon!"
I frown and lean against the bar, instantly feeling relief at the weight taken off of my prosthetic. Looking at her, and swallowing my angry words, I sigh. "But I need to walk today. I need this victory...to know I'll be able to do it with ease someday" I plead...though I know she can't really help me anymore than she is, and I can see the sorrow in her eyes.
I ignore that look and close my eyes. I can do this. I know I can. Just take a moment; breathe. I relax my muscles and breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. Just a couple of steps. It's not that big of a deal...but yet, I need it for some reason. It's going on three months, and I have hardly anything to show for it except a lot of pain and anger. And I'm trying to get better, I am, but God, some days it seems so pointless. Shaking those thoughts from my head, I think about what Calliope told me the other day at lunch.
"Callie, I don't know if I'll be able to do it." I tell the woman sitting across from me. We're eating lunch in the cafeteria and I surprised myself by bringing up my physical therapy. "I mean...It's been months, and I'm just...I'm always so angry and, and then I get sad because I'm always angry." I say. "And I feel like I need a sign that it's all going to work out, you know?" I look at her, hoping she understands.
"Hey now... I get it. It's been a long hard road, and I get that it can be difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnels some days, but when life gets you down, do you know what you've gotta do?" She asks me. I shake my head no, and she finishes her advice. "Just keep going!" she says. I squint at her. That sounds awfully familiar...like I've heard it before, but... I shake my head. I'm going crazy.
"You're right, I mean...a month ago I was stuck in a wheel chair, and now I'm walking with the help of crutches. That's progress, right?" I ask quietly. Trying to be reasonable with myself when my brain is fighting against all logic still proves to be extremely difficult.
"Exactly!" She says grinning, "You've come so far Arizona; don't sell yourself short. Next time you're in therapy and you hit a rough patch, just close your eyes and remember to just keep sw-going." She stutters, blushing a deep crimson.
"I knew it! I knew I'd heard that somewhere! You just quoted Finding Nemo!" I accuse her, my eyes wide in surprise. Her mouth just falls open, unable to deny my accusations. I stare at her in surprise. "So...bad ass 'Calliope Torres' watched Finding Nemo and can quote it..." I tease, a dimpled smile growing on my face.
She just looks flustered as she stabs her salad, "Oh shut up, it's your damn fault I even considered watching Disney movies..." she mutters darkly, avoiding my eyes.
I open my eyes with a smile at the memory. Just keep swimming Arizona, you can do this... I think. I stand up straight, one hand on each bar. I decide to take a moment to recollect my strength. I'm not going to push myself over the mental edge if I can avoid it. "Alright," I tell Sydney, "I'll slow down for a few minutes and try again when I'm not so upset." She smiles at me, obviously glad I came to this conclusion on my own. As I'm standing in here, taking a couple of minutes to myself, I'm startled by the door banging open. Looking around, I'm surprised to see Calliope bent over inside the doorway, breathing heavily. I feel my stomach drop, fearing that something bad has happened to cause her to make such a scene. I let my eyes examine her, looking for signs of injury. Seeing none, I frown, wondering what's wrong.
Hands still on her knees, she looks up at me smiling, her eyes brighter than I've ever seen them. Okay, so this obviously isn't bad news. So it must be really great news, because Calliope knows I don't like company during physical therapy. "What is it Calliope!?" I ask, the suspense killing me. I want to know what made her burst into my room in the middle of my session. I move along the bars till I reach the end closer to her. However she doesn't answer me, choosing instead to hold up a finger, telling me to give her a moment. However, I'm me, and I don't have patience. "Come on Callie! Spit it out!" I say, though I can't stop a smile from appearing on my face...her happiness is contagious.
"Mark." She gasps out, smile still on her face, "He woke up! Arizona! Mark was awake!" She shouts, joy in her voice.
"What...?" I whisper, sure I've misheard her. Mark couldn't be awake, could he? It's been...it's been so long. She just laughs and nods her head, confirming what I'm struggling to believe. The shock is starting to wear off and the truth of the matter hits me full force. "Really?" I ask, needing her to say it out loud once more.
"Really." She says.
Not being able to control my excitement, I make my way to her, collapsing into her arms, squeezing her tight. My head burrowing into her neck, "Oh Calliope...he woke up! I'm so happy!" I say, not loosening my grip on her. She hugs me back.
"I know...I couldn't believe it either." She tells me, and then I feel her stiffen in my arms. She shrugs me off and pulls me back, keeping me an arm's length away. She looks at me, disbelief in her eyes. Not sure what's going on, I mirror her confusion. Why is she looking at me like that? Did I do something wrong? Was the hug too much? I mean...I know I've never been very physical in this friendship, but I just got so excited with the news of Mark. "Arizona..." she whispers, shock in her voice.
"Did I...Did I do something wrong?" I ask, insecurities filling my mind. What was I thinking? Sure, our friendship has developed well over the past couple of weeks, but maybe she doesn't want to hug a cripple. As soon as I think that, I mentally scold myself. Calliope isn't like that. "Calliope, why are you looking at me like that?" I ask, though I'm ashamed at how my voice wavers.
"Arizona, no...No you did nothing wrong, but Arizona, look at you!" Her words do nothing to stop my confusion. Her smile and voice don't match what her words imply. Why is she smiling if she finds me to be gross?
"What? I mean...I know I'm gross and sweaty Callie, but...this is physical therapy and I'm working hard! I'm sorry that I may smell a bit, but that means I'm getting somewhere and I really don't appreciate you pointing it out- What the hell are you laughing at!?" I shout, slightly defensive, when she just starts laughing at me in the middle of my tirade.
"Arizona! You walked to me! Without any support or help!" she says elated. "You're walking!"
My face drops and I look around. My crutches are leaned against the examination table. I glance behind me, and there are parallel bars are a just a couple of steps behind me, and Sydney is standing there smirking at me. I glance back at Callie; sure the surprise is showing on my features. My mouth opens and closes a few times as I stare at Callie. "I walked." I lamely say. Callie just lets out a laugh, smiling at me and nodding her head. "I walked!" I shout, the reality catching up with me.
"You did!" She shouts, almost more excited about this than I am.
"And Mark was awake! I walked and Mark is waking up!" I'm just so overcome with this happiness, I am speechless. This is the happiest I can remember being in a long time, and Calliope is here with me in this moment. Before I get the chance, she pulls me back in for a hug, just as big as the one I gave her moments ago. I hug her back, slightly overwhelmed by these emotions. After a couple of moments of holding each other, she pulls me back once again to look at me.
"Are you crying?" she asks me, her voice unsure.
I bring my fingers up to my cheeks and brush the tears off; I hadn't even realized I was crying. "I guess I am..." I say, blushing deeply at her witnessing my tears, but unable to do anything about it, "I'm just so...happy, you know?" I ask her.
"I do; I really do," she tells me, before looking behind me. "So, Sydney, seeing as she's worked so hard today and a friend is waking up after sleeping for a looong time, do you mind if I steal Arizona early?" she asks.
"Go right ahead Dr. Torres, and I'm happy to hear the news about Mark," Sydney replies. "Good work today Arizona and I'll see you for Saturday's appointment."
"Sure thing, Doc," I tell her, surprising myself and Sydney by my civil reply. She's giving me a funny look... "What? I'm in a good mood..." I mutter at her, angrier at myself that a happy Arizona gets a surprised reaction out of surrounding people.
Sydney just puts her hands up in form of surrender, "I didn't say a thing," she tells me, though I can see the smirk she tries to hide when she turns away. I'll let this one go...this one time, just because I'm in a good mood. I turn my attention back to Calliope and meet her eyes, a smile on my face.
She laughs with me and winks, "So, you wanna go see him?" she asks me. I'm so flattered that she thought of me. Of course, we're friends now...and that's what friends do.
"You know it!" I reply. "Let me just get my crutches and we'll head up." I tell her and I turn away, my eyes scanning for my crutches. They're farther away than I had anticipated though, and I don't think I'll be able to reach them without assistance. Calliope must notice my predicament, because she quickly grabs them for me and places them in my hands. "Thanks..." I mumble, wishing I could've gotten them myself. I secure the crutches under my arms, ready to make the trek to the seventh floor.
We make our way out the door and towards the elevator. I can't help but glance at her every now and then, amazed at how she's wormed her way into my heart despite my initial resistance.
"So, earlier today, Lexie and I were in Mark's room, as usual, and we were catching up...you know, like always...when the machines started to beep a bit faster than usual," Calliope starts talking once the elevator doors close behind us, "At first we panicked, thinking something bad was happening, but then he slowly opened his eyes and kinda looked around for a moment. He kept blinking; probably trying to adjust his eyes, but eventually he made eye-contact with Lexie, and his lips twitched...like he was going to smile, but then he fell asleep a few seconds later. We were in complete shock...like, did we just imagine that? Or did he really wake up? Once we came to our senses, we paged Derrick, and he came and did his little examination, determining that he did in fact wake up, and was now sleeping. Which, as you know, isn't uncommon for long-term comma patients to only wake up for a few minutes a day as they're starting to come to." She tells me, filling the silence. And I can't help but squeal in excitement. Yes...I squealed. But for good reason, Mark woke up today, and in a few weeks, he should be fully conscious and able to start moving about.
"That's awesome Callie! I'm so happy he's starting to wake up!" Of course, we won't know until he's fully awake and conscious to know whether he suffered any brain damage, but we're going to take this one step at a time. I'm excited to see the man. After all, he spent a long time in my lap...more than any other man. I glance at the numbers above the elevator door and notice that we're arriving on the seventh floor. Sure enough, it dings and the doors open. I hobble out first, Callie putting her arm in front of the door to prevent it from closing on me. I look down, concentrating on moving forward with my crutches, still tired from all the work I did in physical therapy today. Finally I look up and see room 7008 right in front of me. I am definitely ready to sit down for a while. Callie quickly steps in front of me and opens the door. Inside, I see Lexie sitting on Mark's bedside. She looks up at Callie with a huge smile, and I watch as she glances my way. I must say, I'm impressed at how quickly she schools her surprise at the sight of me.
"Hey Lexie," I say quietly, not really sure it's my place to be here anymore. "I uh, heard Mark was up," No duh. Obviously, I know Mark is awake when I come walking in with Callie. If I had a free hand, I'd face palm myself. "Obviously..." I mutter, feeling a blush spread throughout my face. I am an awkward human being.
"Yeah! Just for a minute or so, but he was definitely aware!" she says, extremely enthusiastically, as she should. "I'm really rather annoyed that I have to go back to work now, but that's what I signed up for when I became a surgeon, right? I just hope I don't miss him waking up again, but Derrick said that he would probably stay sleeping for a while, so I probably wouldn't miss anything." Wow...this girl talks a mile a minute. "Anyway, it's not like I can do anything other than stare at him right now...and he wouldn't want that. Okay, so maybe he would...but he'll understand that I can't, right?" she looks to Callie.
"He would totally understand. He's proud of you," Callie tells her with a smile. I smile and nod my encouragement as well.
"And we'll be here to stare at him for you," I say, making Callie let out a bark of laughter. Hearing her laugh makes my dimples pop. That's right, I can still be funny.
As if the hospital Gods were listening in on our conversation, Lexie's pager beeps. Glancing down at it, she frowns, "Gotta go...Thanks Callie for being here, and you too Arizona," she adds, giving me an appreciative smile. I watch as she leans down and kisses the man's forehead before taking off out the door.
"Whew..." I say, blowing out some air. I spot a chair against the wall and decide to claim it as my own. As soon as I sit down on the cushioned sit, I feel my muscles relax. I moan at how good it feels, because it does feel oh so good. I peek my eyes open to spy where Callie was, and I'm surprised she's staring at me, her cheeks tinted pink. That's weird... Shaking my head back to focus, I pat the chair next to mine. I want Callie to sit next to me too. I don't know why, but she hesitates before she does so. "So, in celebration of the infamous Mark Sloan waking up, you should share some black-mail worthy stories with me." I tell her, partly for something to talk about, and partly because I'm genuinely interested in the man who I now share a unique bond with.
Callie chuckles at my antics, "I should, should I?" she asks me. I nod my head in confirmation.
She shakes her head, and for a moment, I wonder if I was out of line. However, she starts to speak quietly, "He's my best friend. It's a long story, but to cut it a little short, I used to date an intern named George, and he didn't treat me the best, so I slept with Mark after we broke up. I got back with George and we had a shot-gun wedding in Vegas," My eyes are widening at all this information I'm getting...I was not expecting this, but she continues, "We lasted a couple of months before he cheated on me with a model. Mark was there for me, and then I became friends with Erica Hahn, and the three of us had this weird thing between us that worked. Eventually I realized my feelings for Erica were deeper than friendship, and confused, I slept with Mark some more. But then, he helped me come to terms with the fact that I liked Erica and should do something about it. I did. And I encouraged him to go for Lexie. He did. They worked out and Erica and I didn't, but he was there for me the whole time." She says quietly, and I can tell she's nervous about sharing all this information with me. "And we stayed friends, because he is a great friend...it's just hard to see behind his 'man-whore' ways..." she says with a chuckle. I wait a moment to see if she's done, and when she looks at me I see she's waiting for my reaction.
"Huh..." I say, taking in all the information I just received. I know it probably wasn't what she was expecting, but I, as I've already decided...I'm an awkward human being. "I feel like there's a lot to say about that. Starting with, George sounds like the dumbest man in the history of ever...because you are better than any model I've ever seen." I say this without looking at her, fearing her reaction to my words. I continue on, "And I'm happy you found the good man in him...because, let me tell you, he hides it well," I say smirking, remembering my first encounter with the man. I lift my hand off the arm of my chair and place it on her arm, "and you know, he felt the same way about you...he talked about you on the plane," I add...feeling a bit uncomfortable talking about the plane, but knowing Callie needs it. She looks at me, surprise on her face.
"He really talked about me?" she asks me quietly.
"Yup. He said that you were the one who told him he was good for more than just sex...and that you had an amazing heart" I tell her just as quietly. "And I can confirm that last point; you do have a pretty amazing heart Calliope." I tell her, rubbing my hand up and down her arm in a comforting motion.
"Thanks Arizona," she tells me, a small smile creeping back onto her face.
"Anytime Calliope." I reply. Honestly, I'm a little pissed at Mark for sleeping with Calliope...but that's neither here nor there. It's not like I'll ever get the chance to do so, so I have no reason to be jealous. Okay, I really need to get my mind off the whole 'sex friends' thing, "Okay...tell me some more!" I say, trying to lighten the mood.
She purses her lips for a moment, and bites the inside of her lip a little in concentration. Then I see her eyes light up and a mischievous grin appear on her face. "I've got one...though Lexie and Mark will kill me if they find out I shared this one..." She tells me, and I can't help but grin with her. "So, Lexie is Meredith's half sister...and knowing that Mark liked to sleep with anything that moved, Derrick forbade him to sleep with her. Naturally, forbidden fruit becomes much more tempting once forbidden, and add the fact that Lexie really wanted him. Needless to say, they started to sleep together, and Mark actually liked her. Well one day, I get this page to an on-call room..." she pauses for dramatic purposes, "Lexie broke Mark," she says quickly, watching me closely, trying to hold in her own laughter.
"Oh..." I squint for a moment, trying to figure out what she meant...Mark and Lexie in an on-call room...and she broke him, and all of a sudden it hits me. "OH!" I say, dropping my jaw, I give her a look to ask if she's serious, and she just nods, biting her lip to keep the laughter in. "Shut the fuck up..." I whisper, glancing at the sleeping man on the bed. I don't enjoy hearing about his man penis, but...that's funny. I burst into laughter, unable to hold it in. "That...that must have been..." I pause in my fit of giggles to think of the right word, "traumatic for the man..." I say, giggling some more.
"Oh you have NO idea," Callie says through her own laughter, "and the fact that Owen Hunt was the one who had to fix him...it was not his day." We continue to laugh for a few more minutes before calming down enough to talk.
"So, have any more? I mean...none will beat that one, but..." I trail off, looking at Calliope expectantly.
"Well, there was this onetime..." She begins another story, and I glance at Mark in the bed then back to Callie. For a fleeting moment, I'm not angry at the fact we were in the crash. After all, Mark is waking up, I'm starting to walk...and I have a new friend. A friend I very possibly wouldn't have had otherwise. However that thought doesn't last long. That event will always remain the worst day in my life.
AN: Hey there! I actually enjoyed writing this Chapter, and while doing so I had a clear vision of what was to happen in the next few, so hopefully they won't take to long to complete! It was weird actually, because I found my old outline for this story...and it's nothing like my outline. It really takes a life of its own. Also, take notice of the rating change! For language and eventual sexy times I've been planning ;) We're gonna get there eventually! Sorry for any mistakes, I was a little impatient to finish this chapter and post it. Needless to say, I love you all for everything and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!