Chapter 10

It's Christmas!

The next morning he blessed Sirius for the very same thing he could have killed him for yesterday. After a night of thinking, he came to the conclusion that he better didn't learn what Tonks had wanted to say. It seemed far too much to be something that would tempt him to give in. And he simply couldn't do that to her. She had shown up in her most fragile state and it wouldn't be fair of him to take and hurt her. Such a beautiful, lively woman didn't deserve an old werewolf who had nothing to offer but a broken life and mortal danger.

So he decided to avoid her as much as he could. There were no longer extra meetings for Harry was absolutely safe at Hogwarts, what made things easier. At the usual ones he situated himself in the corner farthest away from her, next to Mundungus and the Weasley twins. This way he had a lot to laugh and to distract him so that he wouldn't end up staring at her all evening. Whenever he got to know that she was in the house, he found himself some other gloomy, unclean room he could fix where she wouldn't find him. Sirius told him that she really searched him and was sometimes staying in the library till late in the night to wait for him. But Remus wasn't stupid enough to go back to the library. He had always been good at finding secret passages and Grimmauld Place had nearly as much as Hogwarts itself. So he got back to his room without her noticing it. He had even been careful enough to lock up the door so that she couldn't get in and wait for him there. At worst he had to stay in one of the rooms he had just cleaned, but he preferred his own bed which he had charmed quite comfortable.

With so much strategy behind his avoiding Tonks, there wasn't even one day they met each other without at least five others being around. Remus didn't trust Sirius enough to let him count, as Sirius always told him how silly his little games actually were. He couldn't see what was wrong with his old friend and his little cousin being together, as long as they both wanted it. And they definitely wanted each other desperately, that much was obvious. Christmas time approached and the house wasn't even a bit less depressing than otherwise. Sirius was very sad about this outcome, as he had hoped to have at least one cheerful pair residing in the hell of his childhood. But Remus wasn't about to give in and so he would have to figure out something else...

Since that night at the library Tonks hadn't changed back to her normal shape. She actually hated it, but had thought it best to confess her feelings to Remus. He should see her true self, in appearance as much as in character, so he wouldn't fall – if he fell – for someone that wasn't her. She didn't think him the man to rely on externals, seeing that he was victim to so much prejudice, but one can never be sure. So she stopped making herself assailable and changed to her usual pink hair and average stature. She everything but appreciated those horribly blue eyes that made most people very uncomfortable with her, or this sensible porcelain skin that couldn't stand more than a few rays of sunlight. The only thing she liked about her natural appearance was the silky black hair she had inherited from her Spanish grandmother. And this she mostly hid to honour her memory. Her grandparents had died a few years ago in a very cruel car accident. It had been Giovanni, and, when he had had the time to come over, Charlie, who had comforted her until she had been able to change her hair back to pink again. But she loved her grandmother so dearly she still couldn't change it back to normal without crying as soon as she saw her reflection in a mirror. Only the thought of Remus had kept her from such a state that night.

Now she wasn't so sure about her decision. Had it been the right thing to do? Or had she scared him away? He seemed to avoid her with great success and she couldn't help but thinking that this was due to what she had done that night. Or intended to do. Surely he knew what she wanted to say and just didn't feel the same way. She had to admit that she hadn't thought him such a coward that he couldn't even tell her, but maybe that had to do with his polite manners. Hurting a woman wasn't a thing she could imagine him doing. Although he was doing a great job at it right now.

Christmas became much happier than any of them had actually foreseen. Although the presence of the children had been caused by Arthur's terrible encounter with Voldemort's snake, Sirius was more cheerful than neither Remus nor Tonks had seen him in the past months. As soon as they knew that Arthur would make it through, it was indeed a really festive mood in the old house. And Sirius hadn't forgotten his plans over his new-found joy. So it happened that on Christmas Eve, Remus sat in the library, relying on Sirius' information that Tonks would spend the holidays with her own family. This way she was able to surprise him in the middle of his lecture without him noticing her beforehand – saying without the possibility to flee the room.

"Oh, Tonks. I didn't hear you coming. I thought you're spending the holidays with your parents?"

"I was at my parents' today, but I never intended to stay there the whole Christmas time. Seems like Sirius has got you, hm?"

"Yeah, seems like it."

Remus swore to take revenge. Cruel revenge.

"So what are you doing here? It's nearly midnight on Christmas Eve and you're sitting alone in a library? Not very social of you, Mr. Lupin. I hope the book is worth it."

"It is, indeed. Have you ever heard of Jane Austen?"

"Of course I have! She's great! Not to be compared to these horrible wizards and witches who call themselves authors. I always thought that Muggles have much more fantasy than the likes of us. Maybe it's because our world is already full of magic whereas they have to imagine all of this, but whatever the reason, I've never read a single good novel written by a wizard."

There he had to agree. Most magical authors were not worth taking a look at.

"So, what are you reading right now?"

"Pride and Prejudice."

"Oh, so you just started, right?"

"How do you know?"

"People who start reading her novels always begin with Pride and Prejudice. I'm not saying anything against it, as I'm guilty of this literary sin myself, but it's not the one I liked best. If you want my advise, go on with Persuasion. One of my favourites."

She smiled at him and he returned that smile. He was tempted to follow her advise and as he didn't saw any bad in doing so, he decided to look if it was beneath the books they had bought at Flourish&Blotts.

"Do you mind if I sit down with you? I promise I won't disturb you're reading, I'm just a little bored. I tried to find Sirius for the children and Molly are already asleep, but I couldn't find him anywhere. He's nearly as good in hiding as you are."

He choked on his own saliva. So she noticed it. Was he imagining the hurt tone in her voice?

"I... I don't know what you mean."

"Oh, come on. You know pretty well what I mean. You avoided me for the last months, ever since that night in the library. I'm really sorry if I did anything to offend you..."

"No, no, you didn't offend me. It's just... well, it's hard to explain..."

He didn't look at her and she thought she saw him blushing a bit.

"You don't have to continue. I know what you want to say. It's okay. You mustn't worry about hurting my feelings or anything. You're just not feeling the same way, no one can blame you for that..."

Wait... She was thinking he didn't lov- um, like her? Did he just nearly say 'love'? This whole evening was way too much for him and once more he cursed Sirius for giving him wrong information.

"No, no, it's not that. I like you, it's just..."

"It's just what?"

Her eyes bore into his and he didn't know what to say any more. He certainly couldn't tell her the truth, she wouldn't understand. Nobody understood. So all he could do was fighting the burning urge to kiss her with all the passion he locked up inside him. It was almost ridiculous how he could stay so immobile with such a battle going on inside of him.

Silence filled the room and he knew Tonks was waiting for an answer, but he was sure he would either scream out his true feelings or just kiss her if he dared to open his mouth right now. Disappointed, she turned away and moved towards the door. The moment she tried to cross the threshold, a mistletoe appeared above her head, capturing her on the spot. Now they knew what Sirius had been up to, at least.

"Oh, no."

Tonks looked really uncomfortable with her situation. Captured under a mistletoe, the only man being there to help her the one she was madly in love with but not knowing what he felt for her. She gave him a pleading look to get over this soon and brief. Remus knew that usually, a little kiss on the cheek would do, but knowing Sirius he wasn't so sure that this was one of the normal spells. He tried not to think of it, but images of him kissing Tonks like he actually wanted to crossed his mind. Was he able to resist kissing her right when he got so close to her? And what if Sirius' spell forced him to do so? It would reveal all of his feelings for her and he knew he was a lost man as soon as she knew, too. But there was no other way round and so he finally walked over to her. He placed a chaste kiss on her cheek and quickly stepped back, feeling his lips burning where they had touched her soft skin. He could almost taste her and the thought – mixed with the sensations it caused – made him blush furiously. Tonks tried to get away, but the spell seemed untouched by their little show. Their eyes locked and he knew with an unknown certainty that there was no other way but kissing her like he longed for. Taking a deep breath, not breaking eye contact, he stepped closer. Carefully, he took her beautiful face in his hands and kissed her. He tried to hold back the passion that pulsed through his veins, but when he felt her tongue entering his mouth, he knew she wouldn't let him. So he gave in and kissed her with all he was worth, feeling her melt against him. A rain of gold went down on them, but none of them cared. Time seemed to have stopped as to not disturb the perfection of this moment, when they heard someone clearing his throat behind them.

They broke away and turned around, just to see Sirius smirking at them. He looked years younger, almost like on the photos of Lily's and James' wedding he had shown her.

"Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt you. I just thought someone should tell you that you don't have to go any farther to break the spell. For the rest I would like you to take on of the rooms. Oh, yeah, and I didn't want you to die at a lack of oxygen."

With that he disappeared into the dark corridor, his giggling audible for both of them. When Tonks turned around to ask Remus where he wanted to go, he nearly ran past her, disappearing as fast as his friend some seconds ago. Confused and hurt, Tonks stood leaning against the door frame not able to decide whether she should leave or stay.