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Chapter 10: Of Secrets and Lies

Leonardo: "Master Splinter, were you able to see who or what was hurting Raphael exactly?" I asked desperate for something, anything to find my lost Raph…um…brother.

"No…" his response made my shoulders sink. "But there is a something, a secret that has been kept hidden far too long from your knowledge..." His seriousness made my blood run cold. "…That must be exposed, now." He finished. His eyes were a buffet of worries and nervousness, and a whole lot of hesitation. My jaw tightened and cold beads of sweat trickled down my temples. What could it possibly be…? Then Donnie interrupted my skeptical thoughts.

"Hmm…Master Splinter, would you like to be my lab rat for a min-? I mean…no pun or offense was meant—I mean…" Master Splinter quirked an eyebrow at Donnie's failed statement. Donnie's face was as red as Raphael's bandana…Raphael…I shook my head clearing my thoughts. What the heck is wrong with me today…? With that I cleared my mind off my red banded brother.

Donnie closed his eyes and took a deep breath and opened his mouth for Round 2. "What I meant was, if you didn't mind, it would be great if I could hook you up to my Meditation Transmitting Signal Decoder. It helps decode meditation transmitting waves, such as what you were doing, just it can seep a little deeper into the transmitting wave location so we can have an idea of the coordinates where Raphael might be.

Master Splinter made a hesitant glance at Donnie. I bit my lip, praying, hoping, begging that he would agree to getting "hooked up". "Donatello, are you completely positive that your machine will only look at the meditation waves and not any other memories or thoughts?"

I mentally "raised my eyebrow" at his strange response. Master Splinter had never really been secretive of his thoughts or memories. He had always been open, understanding, and spoke his mind. All these years he had. I smiled at my ridiculous suspecting of him being "secretive", this is Master Splinter I'm talking about here, my sensei, my father. He has always told us the truth. My smile slowly faded.

Or had he…?

Donatello: I thought about what Master Splinter had asked me, and according to my data and calculations, I seriously couldn't promise anything at all. But, we NEEDED to find Raph NOW.

After his horrible anxiety attack, I did a little extra research on anxiety attacks. According to my statistics and info, Raphael is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (or PTSD), is when something in the past scars your mind, memories, way of thinking, or how you act. Some scarring situations may be: wartime, being in the war, the loss of someone special, all types of abuse, aggression, molestation, torture, rape, etc. From the scarring event, it brings horrible flashbacks, memories, schizophrenia, nightmares, or horrid anxiety attacks, like Raph's. I'm 110% positive (if that were even possible) that Raphael has PTSD , yet what I find extremely disturbing is that he has never been in any war, which leaves all the other possible situations, which is horribly uncomfortable to think of when you grew up with the guy.

Apparently people who go through a PTSD attack are highly likely to get more attacks during a 72 hour period from the first attack. If Raph is out there like that, he could seriously get hurt or worse, he could be exposed.

Of course I was going to assure Master Splinter everything was alright if it meant that we could find Raphael soon. Besides, I didn't give the machine my full attention over the last 6 weeks. I had just been adding a few tweaks here and there on my free time, so I highly think that it won't "trespass" any of Master Splinter's personal thoughts (Whatever they were).

"I'm 100.1% percent sure that it wouldn't look at anything other than the meditation transmission wave locator." I said calmly so that he would buy it. Sweat rolled down the trails of my bandana as he eyed me cautiously, while I managed to wear my best poker face. I finally managed to breathe when he gave a defeated sigh and nodded.

"It is fine Donatello, I trust you and I believe that what you are saying is true." He said putting a paw on my shoulder.

"Hai sensei, I will begin to warm up the machine because it takes a while to run." I assured him. He nodded and left to the bathroom.

I couldn't help but, feel a little guilty to lie to him of how affirmative I was about my prototype invading his privacy but, the thought of finding Raphael soon tackled my guilt down as I began to dial up my machine.

Michelangelo: They think I'm stupid, don't believe that I see them thinking totally different things than how the act or what they say. I've been living with them for the last fifteen years of my life yet, they think I'm stupid enough not to see them twitch, worry, or what facial expressions they make.

I know what their weaknesses are, when they cringe when they lie, how they look when they are unsure of their very thoughts, yet I keep my mouth shut. I've always tried to ease up the mood, lighten stuff up, but they see me as a clown, a fraud, an unserious immature teenager. Whatever.

I now knew that Leo wasn't too sure that Master Splinter is completely trustworthy and Donnie wasn't even 50.1% sure that his prototype wouldn't take a peek at Master Splinter's thoughts or other mind. I also knew that they were only unsure of their own thoughts and actions because they were worried for Raphael. Yet, I only kept quiet and nodded as if understanding the situation being spoken out.

After Master Splinter went to the bathroom, Leo shut himself in his room (yet again), and Donnie began to warm up his machine thingy. I went with Donnie to see if I could help him out.

"Hey Don, mind if I give you an extra six fingers?"

"No, not at all. In fact can you help set up the seat where sensei is going to sit under the mind cap. I looked over at his invention. It looked like those things at a hair salon where it's a comfy chair with a dome you place over your head; just it had more dials, buttons, and wire.

"Okee-dokee!" I did as he said. "You know Donnie, I know you're only about 23% sure that this thingy wouldn't display any other stuff in sensei's head." I turned to look at him gaping at me with a furrowed eyebrow.

"How did you-… Mikey! Did you go through my notes again?" he asked still looking a bit surprised.

"Nope, I don't even know how to read them!" I said shaking my head.

"Then…how…what…?"

"I know your tail twitches when you lie, I've known it since we were 4 when you broke master Splinter's favorite vase with your remote control car…"

"Mikey…!" he said sounding completely mind bombed. Then I heard the timer ring for my macaroni and candy cane pizza.

"Oops, sorry Don! Gotta go check my masterpizza. Won't want her to get too crisp." I said winking at him and rushing out the door to check on my new creation.

I went to check on my delicious creation when Leo walked into the kitchen. I set the hot pizza and the pan on the stove, and I turned my attention to him.

His movements were do absentminded and his eyes and thoughts were elsewhere. I began to read his facial expression when, Wait- what?! Not only was he unsure of his own sensei but he was also thinking about…I tried my best to read his face and thoughts when…

My eyes widened in realization, he was really worried about Raph! Well I mean duh! Which four of us wouldn't be? What I meant was, he was like very worried about him. Like, on a totally different level that I couldn't tell.

Anyways, I decided to pipe in when he was "attempting" to pour himself some orange juice on a plate (that's how disconcentrated he was).

"Hey, Leo! What's up bro?!" I shouted attempting to wake him from his "thoughtful trance" while throwing my SpongeBob Squarepants oven mitts off and scurrying next to him trying to prevent him from spilling anymore OJ.

"What-?...Oh hey…wait…what am I doing?" he managed to stammer while he began to become conscious again. I chuckled at his uncoordinated gestures.

"You want to try my latest creation? It's macaroni and candy cane pizza!" I said taunting him by grabbing a slice and waving it in his face.

"No thanks Mikey, I have clean this orange juice before it spills off the counter." He responded yanking a bunch of paper towels from the roll.

"Okay suit yourself, but this pizza is hella' good!" I responded with a taunting spark in my tone as I took a bite from the minty cheesy goodness. I took a glance at Leo who was struggling cleaning up the OJ off the counter.

"You know Leo, maybe if you stopped, I don't know, thinking about Raph and Master Splinter, you would actually be conscious of what you're doing."

After I said that, he froze. I left for the room with my masterpizza, from the living room I could hear the drops of OJ falling from the counter onto the floor. I grinned to myself. Maybe Raphael going missing would be a turning point for all of us.