Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

I have all except the Epilogue written now. The story was mostly complete when I started posting, I just have to do final edits and that takes me a couple days per chapter if I want to do a good job, so I'll continue updating as I can. It's 22 chapters total including the prologue and epilogue if you were curious :)

PS I'm not JK Rowling, so I don't own anything. But luckily I get to play in her world!

Chapter 9

April 1980

Severus and I began brewing the potion as soon as Professor Dumbledore delivered the ingredients we needed. That, however, took several weeks, so we'd only actually started a few days ago.

It was grueling work. At times stirring one hundred revolutions clockwise before adding three half turns counterclockwise, then repeating thrice more. Other times ingredients had to be added at particular times of day, or seeped and dried in other potions numerous times before they could be added. And all of this was just for the base. The truly difficult part hadn't even begun yet and wouldn't for another week.

One ingredient was for a vial of virgin's blood, willingly given, to act as a binding agent. I'd blushed scarlet before stating as professionally as possible that I could do that part.

Severus had actually gaped at me before saying, "I'd planned to get that from Madam Pomfrey the next time a first year got hurt."

"It needs to be willingly given. A first year can't truly consent, if they don't know what it's for. I'm here and willing, so I might as well," I explained rationally.

I wasn't sure I wanted to know why he couldn't donate himself, or if he'd secretly planned to, but hadn't wanted to admit it. I wasn't sure which option I preferred.

Most of the time I was finding it difficult to behave normally around him now that I'd realized I had feelings for him. It was ridiculous and I kept berating myself over it, but the end result was the same. I stammered and blushed like a second year with a crush each time he caught me staring at him.

I wasn't sure when it happened. It certainly wasn't planned. Over the last few months the feelings had slowly snuck up on me before firmly taking root, like flower bulb planted in early spring that didn't bloom till late fall. And now that I recognized what I was feeling, there was no denying it.

I know I'd had a crush on Professor Lockhart during my second year, but that was a schoolgirl infatuation. I hadn't been attracted to any other teacher, and definitely not Severus when he'd been Professor Snape to me. Now that I was older, I found it highly disturbing to think about a teacher that way while being a student myself. That was not what my current attraction was about.

Things were different now. Our dynamics were different. We worked together as equals. And he truly was my equal intellectually. He stimulated my mind in a way no one else had ever come close to, certainly not Ron, and that was addicting. He pushed me to broaden my horizons and think deeper.

He made me laugh too. His sense of humor was so dark, if you blinked you'd miss it, but it was there, hiding beneath all the sarcasm and sneers. It often provided the perfect amount of levity after a difficult day.

Even his moodiness rarely managed to phase me. After all, I was immune to Ron and Harry's after all our years together and everything we've gone through.

Fred had once teased that Ron and my fights were our version of foreplay. I had been mortified at the time, but secretly agreed. Severus and I fought in much the same way, though far less frequently, and typically over less petty reasons.

It didn't hurt that we spent so much time together either. We ate nearly every meal together, only missing when one of us had something going on with our apprenticeships, work for the Order, or in his case, because Voldemort had summoned him. Every evening, we brewed together, particularly now that we were working on the Erugo Statim potion together. A couple times we'd even stayed up late debating the merits of various books we'd both read.

His appearance had altered slightly as well. Not much, but enough that he now embodied one of the brooding antiheroes from Muggle Romanticism literature I used to read during my summers off Hogwarts.

The more prominent changes had come about two weeks ago after one of our typical fights. He'd been in a temper after we'd heard a couple seventh year girls mocking him to each other. They hadn't learned to properly fear and respect him the way his own students would come to in the following years when he was officially a professor and capable of assigning detention and taking off house points.

After about an hour of his scowling silence, I was fed up and finally snapped, "Well, if it bothers you so much, do something about it! Try a different face wash or shampoo if the one you're using doesn't work the way you want it to. Honestly, that's just common sense!"

The glare he'd leveled on me was enough to know I'd poked an angry dragon. Fire was practically shooting from his flaring nostrils. Well, nothing for it now except to dive all in, I decided. I looked him over critically.

"And you could always get Madam Pomfrey to straighten your teeth," I continued bravely. His scowl getting blacker by the second. "Oh, don't look at me like that! I already had her fix mine. After you insulted them as a matter of fact!" I said, emphasizing the you so he'd understand it had been a painful and embarrassing experience for me, much as this likely was for him.

"So this is payback?" he finally ground out.

"Call it what you will. Do what you will. Honestly, you look just fine the way you do. But don't pout when you are perfectly capable of doing something about it if you but want to," I said dismissively, as though I wasn't secretly afraid I'd pushed too far.

I didn't actually mind his appearance. After all, I'd never cared overly much about my own. But he seemed more hung up about it than he wanted to let on. If a few changes would help his sense of self-worth, then I didn't see the harm in offering a few suggestions to make it as he wanted. I also got the impression that his family hadn't tried much to help him, so this was the first help he'd been offered in that department.

He'd stormed off and ignored me for the rest of the day, refusing to even let me help with the potion. The next day he let me help, but it was at least a week before he voluntarily spoke to me again. But a few days after the fight, his face was obviously cleaner, less oily, and his hair silkier. Then two days ago I'd noted his teeth were straighter. I didn't comment, but I couldn't help feeling a little smug that he'd taken my advice.

It also didn't help that I thought of the time I saw him shirtless more often than I wished to. I'd seen Harry and Ron shirtless countless times during our year on the run or during summers while the boys played Quidditch, the twins too for that matter, but it had never had this dramatic of an effect on me.

Severus on the other hand, gave no indication that he knew or that he felt even remotely similar to me. This was expected, so I knew I shouldn't be as disappointed as I was, but it hurt all the same. It was Ron picking Lavender, then all those other girls, instead of me all over again.

Brewing was an exceptionally tortuous endeavour. One I dreaded and looked forward to every evening. Standing so close to examine the contents of the cauldron, accidentally brushing hands as ingredients were passed, trapped in a room for hours on end with no one else to serve as a distraction - it was overwhelming.

Obtaining the additional ingredients that Severus insisted on collecting himself, or that we bought in Knockturn Alley, a few weeks back was also an experience that consisted of blissful agony.

My second trip to Knockturn Alley was much different from the first. Severus insisted I keep the hood of my cloak up the entire time so no one could get a good look at me. I had only entered the one shop before, Borgin and Burkes, and I had been treated with suspicion before getting kicked out. This time we visited several stores and Severus, and I by association, was treated with a respect that bordered on deference.

I could understand how someone that had always been bullied and looked down on would find this appealing. When Severus caught my eye, I think he could tell where my thoughts went, because he scowled at me then spent the next hour pointedly ignoring me.

Apparently, he had forgiven me by that evening, because he took me along into the Forbidden Forest to collect little red baneberries that required being harvested under moonlight. He said we'd have to come back in a few weeks to get fresh aconite because that required a full moon to increase its potency. Luckily, it didn't need to be added until near the end of brewing, so we could start before collecting it.

The first time we worked on the potion, I brought up the changes that have already occurred in the timeline that I was aware of. I wanted his take on the situation and I needed to talk to someone about the guilt I felt.

That was another reason I had developed feeling for Severus. I could admit things to him that I couldn't tell anyone else and he didn't pass judgement. Or if he did, he at least kept it to himself - unless it involved Lily. He helped me sort out my thoughts and come to terms over everything that happened.

Just as mealtimes were for academic debate, brewing had now became a time when we shared difficult things from our pasts while the other acted as a sympathetic ear and sounding board. While I often ended up sharing far more, Severus was coming to trust me enough to share a few of his more intimate secrets. I felt privileged and honored to be trusted with the information.

After hearing more of his past and how significant Lily's friendship had been in his life, I was determined to help them reconnect in some way.

To that end, the next time I was meeting her for dinner, I dragged Severus along with.

It was nearly unbearably awkward. Conversation was stilted and forced more often than not, but it was something. We were all trying so hard. Desperate for something to do with my hands and give me a legitimate reason not to speak, I ended up drinking so many butterbeers my stomach sloshed uncomfortably when I moved.

Lily seemed unaccountably curious about our friendship, asking probing questions that implied there was much more happening between Severus and myself than there actually was. I found that embarrassing, but also unmistakably disappointing that it wasn't true and never would be. His heart had always belonged entirely to Lily. That was a fundamental truth in my life. There had never been room for another woman in Severus's life and he didn't seem to mind that fact one bit.

Severus was as oblivious to the direction Lily's questions we're taking right now, as he was to my stares when we brewed. But then, Lily had always been oblivious to his feelings for her, so I guess they were both hopeless in their own ways.

I think everyone was grateful for that first dinner to end, but we tried again the next week. This time with something resembling success. Well, at least not total failure.

Lily was around five months pregnant now, and had somehow, miraculously, only just started showing in a noticeable way. She was significantly smaller than Alice, though just as far along. Mostly, she just looked like she had recently eaten a really big Christmas dinner. If you didn't know she was pregnant, you'd never suspect it. James was frustrated by this, but Lily was delighted. She wanted Harry desperately - they'd officially decided on the name a month ago, much to my amusement - but she wasn't eager to 'get fat'.

Tonight she was ecstatic. It was the first time anyone other than her had been able to feel Harry move. As soon as she made the announcement, Severus quietly asked to feel. She looked surprised initially, then supremely pleased by the request. I think she saw it as him coming to terms with her truly being with James, the man he hated. I suspected it more likely he just saw this as an excuse to be near to her.

Watching him though, as he tenderly placed his large, calloused palm against her miniscule bump and let her move it to the correct place, I think the truth was somewhere in between the two assumptions. He looked so contemplative at first, like it was the most difficult Arithmancy problem in existence, then the looked changed. It wasn't the dawning wonder James had likely worn, but more as though he'd figured something vitally important out.

He cocked his head and stared at where his hand lay for several minutes, not saying a word. Lily looked at me over his head in question, but I could only shrug.

Finally, he sat back with a quiet thank you and calmly asked how her week had been and if she was taking any vitamins. With another questioning look at me that forced me to offer yet another baffled shrug, she answered. The rest of the night was much less forced.

I might not have been sure what that scene was all about, but one thing I was certain of, Severus would already willingly give his life to protect Harry if it proved necessary. That alone made this evening an unequivocal success.

But I wanted more than that, for his sake. Fortunately, I think I got it. They weren't the friends they'd been growing up, but it was a start to being a new kind of friends.

Maybe this time, if the worst happened, the past wouldn't haunt him to the same degree as it did.

The next time we brewed together he choked out a very grudging thank you and I knew immediately it was for helping him reconnect with Lily.

It was also during that session that he told me Snyde had escaped custody. He'd never even made it to trial before he vanished from the Ministry. I wasn't surprised, but I was a little disappointed at the blatant corruption present in our government.

I wished Kingsley was already working at the Ministry, but he wasn't even starting Hogwarts until next year.

Maybe I should start S.P.E.W. up again. I had access to future generations. If I could convince them about the injustices happening right under their noses, maybe when many of them entered the Ministry in the coming years they'd take steps to fix things. I hated feeling like it was all on me to do everything. I would if I had to, but I wanted others to care just as much.

I decided to talk to Minerva and see if she had any ideas.

I'd just stopped in the Three Broomsticks to grab a quick lunch before I headed to the Potters' home in Godric's Hollow, but Gideon and Fabian had seen me and invited themselves over to join me. They had a habit of doing that. They'd spent the morning helping their sister with her six sons.

"Can you believe it?" Fabian asked.

"Six boys!" Gideon exclaimed, shaking his head in amazement.

"She's certainly going to have her hands full raising them!" Fabian added with a wicked grin, clearly anticipating his sister experiencing the hell raising her sons were going to give her.

"And I bet the twins are your favorite?" I asked in amusement.

"Of course!" they both said at once.

"Well, no. We don't have favorites among our nephews, but those two are definitely the most like us," Gideon said, shrugging and taking a gigantic bite of his turkey sandwich.

"She only just had her youngest, right?" I asked, unable to stop myself from inquiring, though I already knew the answer.

"Yeah," Gideon said with a grin since Fabian's mouth was full to bursting. "Ronald - Ron - turned one month last week."

"What's he like?" I wondered about my friend as an infant. Molly had never really had time to share stories and lately when she had, they were always about Fred.

"Whiny," Fabian said with a frown. I choked on the sip of butterbeer I'd just taken when he said that. Somehow, I had no trouble picturing that.

"The only other one to cry as much was Percy," Gideon added musingly.

I laughed at that so much they gave me funny looks. I guess Ron wanted extra attention even now and he knew just how to get it. Fondness for him welled within me. For the first time, it lacked the bitter taint it had held for the last year or so.

"It was chaos at the Burrow though - that's where they live," Fabian said excitedly.

"And I bet you love every minute of it," I said. I could tell he thrived on that type of environment.

"Of course!" he said, nodding vigorously.

"Arthur wants to get involved with the Order, but Molly put her foot down," Gideon said suddenly. Both brothers frowned and shared a speaking look.

"She said she's worried about what would happen if he died and she had to support all the kids by herself," Fabian said when he turned back to me. I could only imagine what she was feeling. She'd been a wreck throughout our years at Hogwarts with almost her entire family fighting. But she hadn't really had a choice to stay uninvolved, not once she'd adopted Harry the way she did. He was, of course, the very center of it all.

"I think she's just mad. She feels she can't fight herself since the kids are her first priority now," Gideon elaborated.

"I take it she's pretty tough," I said, wondering what she'd been like growing up.

"Let's just say - watch out. She's scary when she's angry," Gideon said with mock terror, making exaggerated warding motions with his arms that made me laugh.

"I definitely wouldn't want to get on her bad side!" Fabian said with an exaggerated shiver. I thought of Bellatrix and how she had certainly found this out for herself.

The rest of lunch was filled with the various antics of the kids and how the twins were currently teaching them to fly.

"Charlie's got a real knack for it," Fabian said excitedly.

"Bill's good, but he doesn't seem to love it the way Charlie does," Gideon added.

"Bill's the oldest, right?" I asked feigning ignorance, something I'd grown quite good at.

"Yeah. He's starting Hogwarts year after next, he's ten this November. I don't think he'll try for his Quidditch team," Fabian said disappointedly.

"Shame that," Gideon agreed.

At the end of the meal they made me promise to come with them sometime. That idea made me equally nervous and thrilled. It'd be like visiting my family, except they wouldn't know me. I wasn't sure I'd be able to make it through the day with my composure intact.

"I'll try to get away. We're quite busy at the castle right now. Exams are just around the corner," I said noncommittally.

"Molly will adopt you like one of her own," Gideon insisted, trying to get me to agree.

"She's a softy, really!" Fabian added.

"Yes, that was the impression you gave earlier," I said dryly. "A fire-breathing dragon? That was your description, wasn't it?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"That may have been a slight exaggeration," Fabian said sheepishly, though I wasn't sure I disagreed entirely with it. She was rather fierce, especially where her family was concerned.

"Yeah, she's always adopting strays," Gideon said.

"Gee, thanks," I said with a laugh as we left, still not promising more.

Arriving in Godric's Hollow was just as surreal this time as it was every other time I had visited the Potters' home in this time. Each time I envisioned the rubble serving as their memorial. I truly hoped that didn't happen again. I could only guess how painful that must have been for Sirius and Remus to see if I was struggling after only knowing them for a few months.

James was on a mission for Professor Dumbledore, but Lily had a checkup at St Mungo's today and he wasn't back yet. She'd Flooed me this morning and I'd asked Minerva for some time off this afternoon to take her myself.

"Oh good, you're here!" she said excitedly when I knocked.

"Are we in a hurry? I though the appointment was at one… " We still had twenty minutes and with Apparation, we could be there in seconds.

"It is, but I want a new picture right now. He's bigger and I want to see him!"

I laughed at her enthusiasm and we were off. Lily was shown directly into a private room while I sat in the waiting room. It only took about thirty minutes before she came out glowing.

"Everything alright then?" I asked.

"Perfect! He's perfect - look," she announced before brandishing a photo under my nose.

It was Harry. A tiny ten or eleven inch long Harry. In the photo his hand opened and closed like he was trying to grasp a Snitch. My emotions were a chaotic jumble, but I grinned at Lily knowing that was the reaction she wanted. Her excitement was so palpable.

"I can't wait to show James," she said with a pleased sigh, lightly patting her tiny bulge where Harry rested, safe and content.

"Have you heard from him since this morning?" I asked in concern. He normally checked in every few hours with a Patronus when he was on missions. He didn't want to worry Lily in her condition.

"Yes, he'll be home by dinner," she said as she bit her lip, eyes crinkling in worry despite the positive words.

"Do you want me to stay with you until he gets there? Minerva gave me the rest of the day off," I offered.

"Oh, could you? I think I'll drive myself mental if I'm alone any longer! And ice cream! We need to get ice cream on the way home," she said, looking back at the picture of Harry as excitement gripped her once more.

"That's a great idea," I said going with James's advice to give her whatever she wanted. He seemed to think the world would end if Lily was denied a single thing. That, or he was worried about where he'd have to sleep if everyone didn't help him keep her happy.

It was a nice day so we strolled through Diagon Alley as we ate, chatting happily about the baby.

The explosion knocked both of us off our feet. It wasn't overly large, but it did happen in the shop we were currently passing.

It was sudden. Alarming. Dust billowed in the air, blocking the sun where moments before the sky had been bright and clear, not even a cloud to mar the rare perfect spring day in London.

People we running, scrambling around. Several lay unconscious nearby, though luckily none appeared dead.

There were pieces of the storefront scattered through the street and merchandise littering the ground where it had been blasted outward. I couldn't even tell what shop it was.

"Are you alright?" I demanded of Lily, turning frantically to find her from my prone position.

She was lying on my right looking rather dazed. She nodded, sitting up and rubbing her belly. Aside from a tiny knick on her leg, she appeared unharmed. Relief filled me.

I stood and reached to help her up, eager to get her as far from here as possible, as fast as possible. I felt my ankle give when I put weight on it, but I gritted my teeth and ignored the stabs of pain shooting up my leg as I tried to hoist her up.

A scream sounded behind me, coming from inside the ruined store and Lily pushed forward, attempting to go help as she pulled out her wand.

"Lily, no! You can't!" I screamed pointing wildly at her stomach.

She looked torn. I don't think she'd ever been forced to ignore someone in need before. I tried to grab her arm, desperate to Apparate her away, but she jerked back.

"Then you have to help them!" she insisted, stepping back and looking for a place she could safely wait for me.

"I will, but only if you promise to stay there," I said, nodding to an overturned picnic table a few feet away.

"Okay," she agreed, turning to go to it.

I watched her for a moment, assuring myself she'd keep her promise before I turned towards the unmistakable sounds of dueling. I didn't even get a chance to move before a Severing Curse hit my shoulder. I grunted at the pain, holding back a moan as warm liquid gushed from the sizable wound.

"Stupefy!" I shouted in the direction I thought the curse had come from, but I didn't see anyone. I looked around frantically, inching back towards Lily. This was a bad idea. We needed to go - now! I wasn't in any condition to fight and if something happened to me, she'd be unprotected. Harry would be in danger.

Pain and blood loss was fogging my brain, black spots danced across my vision.

"Hermione, look out!" Lily screamed from just behind me.

I ducked on instinct and a blazing blue flash passed right where my head had been.

Lily's warning alerted my attacker to her presence. I saw the Death Eater now, standing a few feet to my left. He was grinning as he looked her over, wand pointed directly at her. It was not a friendly grin. I didn't stop to think, just dove between them as he fired his curse.

It burned far worse than the curse that Dolohov had hit me with in my fifth year. The fire was unbearable. A never-ending Cruciatus Curse racing through my veins. I screamed, the sound ripped from my throat.

"Hermione, I'm so sorry!" I heard Lily mutter.

Where was the Death Eater? What was happening?

I couldn't open my eyes. Sounds came as though from a long tunnel. The pain was worse in my hand I realized Lily must be gripping it. The contact was agonizing.

"St Mungo's," I heard her say. The name was enough to briefly clear my head as panic set in.

I could not go to St Mungo's. Not for any reason.

"No!" I cried. "You have to take me to Hogwarts - not St Mungo's. I can't go there! Promise," I insisted, gritting my teeth to stop another scream from bursting forth.

"What? That's insane - we have to go now," Lily said panicked. "Oh, Merlin! It's him!"

"Dumbledore - I ne - " my words ended in another scream I was helpless to hold in any longer.

My vision went black as pressure squeezed me from all sides at once.

"Hold on, Hermione… Severus is on his way - he'll be here any minute. Just hold on." Lily's frantic mutterings were the next thing I was aware of.

Then the green flames sparking, the glow illuminating the backs of my eyelids as someone used the Floo.

"Are you all right?" came a velvety murmur.

Severus. His voice was unmistakable. A whimper escaped unbidden as I forcefully pried my eyes open to look at him. He knew dark magic. He'd make the fire stop.

"Yes, but Hermione - " Lily started to say, but Severus was already leaning over me, waving his wand and muttering unfamiliar spells. At last he touched the tip to my skin just above my heart.

The longer he stood there, the more the fire receded, as though sucked through a straw out of me and into his wand. It caused my back to bow and my breath to catch.

Once the fire was gone he recited a lyrical spell to seal the wound inflicted by the Severing Curse.

"Where else are you injured?" he asked, concern leaking into the words. It was a stark contrast to the detached, professional expression he wore.

"I'm fine, Lily - " I said, more worried about her than anything else.

"She is unharmed. As is the child," he said, anticipating the question. I was shocked when he didn't even turn from me to glance at her. "Are you injured elsewhere?" he asked again.

"My ankle," I said hoarsely. My throat was raw from screaming.

He gently probed my tender ankle with his wand before whispering another incantation. After a brief flare of pain, it too was mended.

"There will likely be scarring," he said looking up at me. I only nodded. My throat was too sore and it wasn't like a few more scars would kill me.

"I think I have Blood-Replenishing Potions in the kitchen. Severus, will you help me look? You might see something else she needs," Lily said from beside us. She was wringing her hands looking exceedingly worried.

They were entering the kitchen when I heard her quietly whispered words to Severus.

"He was there, Sev - Voldemort! We barely made it out of there," she said, the worry only just barely gone from her voice.

Her third defiance. The prophecy was still playing out it seemed.

"What were you doing there in the first place? Don't you realize how foolish - she almost - " Severus responded, but broke of abruptly.

"It's okay to love her, you know," she said after a moment's pause.

"I don't know what you are talking about," he said quickly in a tone that implied she should drop the subject immediately.

"She's really quite remarkable, and I think she feels the same," Lily said anyways.

"Mind your own business, Lil," Severus snapped and the door shut, cutting off any further response.