Disclaimer: I own parodies, not originals.

So, because last chapter was so boring/depressing, I decided to give you guys a MUCH lighter chapter. I think this is the lightest chapter I've written so far. And it's Halloween! Who can resist that?

Translation: Je suis italien – I am Italian

For any readers in France—I don't mean to offend your president, sorry.

If this chapter seems more interesting than usual, it's because I was high when writing it.

Emmett's POV

Friday, October 31

"An Italian handlebar mustache?" Alice snickered.

"Sì, sì," I retorted, stroking it.

"I hate those mustaches. I always think people with them are rapists," she replied.

Good…I should put it on more often then.

I was dressed in loose pantaloons and a thin button-up shirt. I felt like Mercutio from Romeo and Juliet. Except Alice had decorated the shirt with pink flowers and other girly designs until it was a multicolored mix. Not that I minded. The more ridiculous the costume was, the better.

"Oh yeah? What are you?" I asked her. She was wearing a "suit jacket" that she had made, except it was neon orange and it had abstract stripes that circled and crossed all over the place. She also wore skinny jeans and…my hiking boots?

"You'll see." She smirked.

Our house was decorated extravagantly, with various Halloween streamers and the like. Everywhere I looked was either purple, orange, white, or black. Typical Alice.

"Where are our parents?" I asked her.

"Out buying enough candy to supply the world."

"For what?"

She didn't answer me.

"I'm Sarah Palin," Rosalie said with a British accent. She was carrying a toy sniper rifle. Her hair was sprayed black and she wore big, lens-less glasses that were about half the size of her face. She was wearing one of those park ranger uniforms, except she had modified it to give it the Halloween feel. It was also slightly more…revealing than any park ranger uniform had a right to be.

"George W. Bush fo'sho!" Jasper yelled. A British Palin, and a gangster Bush? I guess temporary insanity runs in the family.

"I'm Yao Ming!" Alice exclaimed proudly. So that was what she was. Except…Yao Ming doesn't wear skinny jeans and hiking boots. Crazy woman.

"I'm Mademoiselle Candeur's suitor," I contributed. "Je suis italien." We all erupted into full-blown laughter; Edward actually fell to the ground, holding back his snorts.

"Er…just exactly what are you, Edward?" Jasper asked him.

"I'm the Bic Wite-Out tape!" he replied. Whoa.

"That's not a person…" Alice said, amused.

"No one said I had to be! You know you like it…everybody likes Edward Anthony Masen's touch of randomness!" I couldn't deny that.

"Are we going trick-or-treating?" Well obviously, Rosalie…

"Of course we are!" Alice said brightly. "And this is where the good part comes in! We're going to go do that first, and after that we're having a party!"

"What party?" I asked her suspiciously.

"Oh, just whoever comes over to trick-or-treat."

"What?!"

"Oh, suck it up. Mom and Dad said yes. Be thankful I didn't invite people from our school, although some may come anyway."

Aw man…we just had a celebration two days ago. Seriously?!

"Who's our first victim of the night?" Edward asked and grinned evilly.

"How about the Montebello twins, Ben and Jerry?" Alice suggested. "They're so adorable!"

I choked back a laugh. Every time I hear their names, I automatically think of ice cream. Along with the rest of the population. Alice, however, thinks of their little airplane beanies. She says they're cute and they remind her of helicopters. That's Alice for you; she's always the original one.

"Why do we not look frightening at all?" Jasper complained as we tromped on over.

"Suck it up," we chorused. That seemed to be an overly used phrase tonight. With the exception of "Trick or treat!"

So when Mr. Montebello opened the door, we said just that. He got quite a good laugh from our costumes, but he gave Edward the most candy. And with that, evil plans on how to sabotage Edward started forming in our heads.

As we visited a couple of other houses, our load of candy amassed. Some gave Edward the most candy for "being so creative" with his costume.

We were just walking away from Mr. Assport's house. I decided now was as good of a time as any to carry my idea out.

"So, how shall we attack him on Monday?" I point at Edward's back and winked on the word 'Monday'.

"Attack who?" my intended victim asked.

"You," we said, knowing he would never believe us.

"You can attack me by spraying my hair silver, blindfold me, and steal all my candy." Weird, I know. Who brings their whole bag of candy to school? Only Edward does. And then he goes all high on it. Quite a sight to behold.

We sniggered. Thank you, Edward. We didn't even have to think. And the poor boy never knew Alice was carrying around a bottle of pink hairspray.

"Alice," I hissed. She nodded and shoved the bottle cap at Jasper.

"Attack!" I bellowed. Alice ran and leaped on Edward while spraying his hair like crazy. It was now a bright, bubble gum pink instead of the blue that went with his Wite-Out. Of course, Edward had aborted his bag of candy in an attempt to get my evil sister off of him. I snatched the bag up triumphantly.

"We prevail! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" I laughed insanely. However, Edward's loss was not going to go unavenged.

"Hey, Alice…" he said in a curious tone, squinting at something behind her. "What's that?"

Don't turn around Alice, don't turn around, I implored in my head. My pleading failed.

"What's what?" Alice asked while turning around. Edward lunged for her bag.

"Gotcha!" he yelled. But he couldn't tug it out of her grasp.

"Gotcha not," she replied. "Just admit it, I'm too smart for you. And next time, try waiting a while first."

"Never. You'd better sleep with one eye open, Alice Cullen!"

"Ha. As if." She walked forward, and we followed her.

But wait…where were Rosalie and Jas—

"Boo!" Rosalie's mischievous voice cried as her weight dropped on me. I pretended to fall, but she held on tight, and the scream I was expecting never came.

"Outsmarted, Emmett." She smiled angelically. "I know you'd never fall."

"Oh, you want to play like that?" I asked her. "Girls versus guys? Let's go!"

Jasper had managed to steal Alice's bag of candy. 2-1, with the girls leading. This was going to be crazy, considering that some of us wouldn't hesitate to do anything.

In case you didn't know already, Halloween can be really random. Some of the crazy candy lovers didn't give candy out. For example, there's this neighbor of mine named Peter who was well known for giving out something different each year in lieu of candy. Therefore, his place was the most popular to visit.

"Trick or treat!" We all had identical, goofy grins. Peter laughed in our faces.

"Emmett…definite points for that. And wow Edward…ever the nerd." Edward smirked while we laughed in his face, literally.

"Well, here's your Halloween treat for this year." He gave us eggs, each with a different happy face drawn on it. Can we say random?

"Thanks, Peter!" Alice said happily. "And it's…party time!" And she literally danced all the way home.

"You can't have a party," I told her smugly. I had just thought of something.

"Why not?" she asked dangerously.

"You don't have food, or candy!"

She rolled her eyes. "It's all in the fridge, genius. Outsmarted, again!"

I smacked my forehead. Rosalie sidled to my side and murmured, "You're over thinking it." She then walked away to help Alice with the food.

Esme and Carlisle were setting up games when the doorbell rang. Alice laughed happily and raced to the door. Pulling it open, she was ambushed by a group of little kids who couldn't have been more than seven. Their chaperone smiled as they squealed, "Trick or treat!"

"Party instead!" Alice squealed, if it was possible, in an even more excited voice. "Come in!" They did so and their mouths fell open at the sight of the decorations.

Next to arrive was Tanya. "Hi! I'm the person who corrupted Nicolas Sarkozy!" What the hell?

"How do you know Nicolas Sarkozy is corrupt?" Rosalie asked.

"Aren't most politicians? But as for him, I really don't know."

"Who is Nicolas Sarkozy?" Pity, pity…

"That's what you get for taking Latin, Edward," I said smugly.

"Well, it's a lot more useful than French!"

"Nah, Emmett, Edward's just stupid," Jasper joked. "I'm not in French, and I know who Sarkozy is." We both smirked at Edward.

"He's the president of France," I informed him.

"Oh. I thought he was your barber. That's why your hair always looks like a barbarian's. Haha, get it? Barber, barbarian?" Jasper and I laughed at Edward's mock stupidity and lameness.

Quite a lot of people came to our party, which was expected due to the many lawn decorations and the bright lights easily visible from the outside.

Most people had weird costumes. Every year, there were the cliché cheerleader costumes—"I'm the cheerleader from R.L. Stine's The First Evil!"—and then there were the more unusual ones, such as Heidi's chicken ensemble. There was even this one guy who called himself "King of the Rainbow". And indeed, he was covered from head to toe in packs of Skittles all strung together. I'd hate to be him. With that many packs of Skittles, he was probably walking around with at least an extra twenty pounds.

When it came to the games it was pretty crazy. They were all improvised versions, and each round was pretty chaotic. For example, Twister, the very ordinary game, was made extraordinary when my parents added in their whole set of rules.

"Instead of playing Twister the traditional way, you will do musical chairs. By the time the music stops, you will have to balance on one foot on your circle, and if any part of your foot is outside the circle, then you're out! No using each other for support either. And also, while the music is playing and you're walking, you also have to make the sound of a farm animal. We will attempt to knock you off balance by making you laugh." Complex much?

Next was the dippity dippity hand game. As if that wasn't already difficult enough, Esme and Carlisle tweaked those rules too, causing quite a lot of people to be eliminated almost immediately.

Then, the festivities were carried outside, where apparently, several piñatas were strung on a tree. Even lamps were hung outside just for the purpose of the games. When the first piñata broke, all the little kids screamed in pure ecstasy as candy "rained down from the heavens", according to them. They all scrambled like little ants to collect their treats.

"Emmett!" Rosalie screamed. She was giggling nonstop and skipping—well bouncing—all over the place.

"Er, yeah?"

"I'm high! WHEEEEEEEEE!" Oh dear Lord.

"Uhm yay?"

"Yeah I know! Come dance with me! Then we'll eat more candy!" She grabbed my hand and dragged me into the house. This was going to be interesting.

I had barely stepped over the threshold when she tugged me to the living room.

"Let's hop around like bunnies!" And she did just that. This was not good.

"Jasper!" I yelled, running outside. He and Carlisle were now busy twisting those long balloons into animals and other things.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Rosalie's drunk, I think." But even as I said so I knew we had no alcohol in the house.

"Nah, she's just hyper."

"Well, she's—" I ran back into the house—"baaing like a sheep right now!"

He laughed. "Wouldn't be the first time."

"Hi Emmett! I'm a knight!" Ben—or was it Jerry—wait nah it's Ben—poked me with his balloon sword. I fell on purpose.

"Good job buddy, now be a princess's knight in shining armor!" He beamed and gallantly ran off.

When the party was finally over, we were exhausted. Cleaning up took only two hours—surprisingly. Rosalie, Jasper, and Edward ended up sleeping over. Rosalie's highness eventually wore off, but not before her cleanup duty. I had to admit, it helped a lot, especially since—

"I'm cleaning at the speed of light! Woohoo!" She beamed, broom in hand.

When I finally collapsed into my bed, I knew I sure wasn't going to forget about that party any time soon.

A/N: WOW! Are you guys lucky or what?! Three chapters in a week! I was on a temporary crazy writing spree, and I also had no school today due to Staff Development Day.

My own costume is a MUSHROOM, homemade :) Champignon pride!

WHEEE I WROTE THE ROSALIE PART WHILE I WAS ESPECIALLY HYPER ON CANDY WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :D

Happy Halloween everyone!