Yasi: I am so excited! I'm helping out at Merlin's tonight, at the bar. Ever since I moved to Hogsmeade with Flo Rida I have really missed my friends from my old Muggle neighborhood. Hopefully tonight I will be able to make some girlfriends, I can only take so much of dudes, dudes, dudes all the time!

Pacey: Thanks for helping out tonight, Yasi. I worked pretty late last night, and I'm kinda wiped out in general, so I might need to head out early.

Yasi: That's not quite what I've been hearing from the guys. But its okay, Pacey. Don't sweat it. You go get some.

Pacey: Huh? What did they tell you?

Yasi: That you have your eye on some junior witch from Hogwarts. She had food poisoning, or the flu, and you were concerned, and her other friend is also your friend and is trying to set you up, and you are nervous about how to proceed because she is a witch and she's pureblood –

Pacey: Alex, did you tell her my entire life story or what?

Alexander Skarsgard: Pretty much.

Yasi: It's okay, Pacey, Alex has his eye on a Hogwarts student too. A senior athlete, no less. It's all very clandestine.

Alexander Skarsgard: Yeah, right. I could give two shits about those self-entitled pricks.

Pacey: Hey man, if that's your story…

(Flo Rida enters)

Flo Rida: Whoo baby! Could you be a bird? Cause damn but you gotta be fly.

Yasi: Hey baby. Are you still taking off early tonight?

Flo Rida: Yeah, I'm gonna be takin it off like Nair, jumping like Nike Air.

Yasi: Thanks for doing that, I just really want to have some girl time tonight.

Pacey: I would not mind having some girl time myself tonight.

Yasi: Yeah, Pacey, I really don't think we mean the same thing by "girl time".

Flo Rida: It's the dream…I ain't never seen my baby get that loose, but maybe tonight ya'll will party all night like you flyin Jet Blue.

Yasi: Seriously, I want to know, what on earth about Jet Blue is conducive to partying all night? Or any plane, for that matter? Where do you come up with this stuff?

Flo Rida: Fuck if I know. I'm so high, I'm feeling like a goddamn astronaut.

Pacey: Well, that is really good to know. Don't try to deep fry the firewhisky again, okay?

Alexander Skarsgard: It was a really cool explosion, you have to admit.

Pacey: Yeah it was really cool when I had to get four fingers reattached at St. Mungo's too. Flo Rida, why don't you stock the freezer for now. Keep away from all things flammable.

Flo Rida: I got you, Pacey. Gotta stack the ice and get the stacks, so my babygirl can get some ice up on her wrist.

Pacey: Exactly.

Yasi: One thing I will say about Flo Rida, is that he has excellent taste in jewelry. He finds the most beautiful and elegant pieces, lots of antiques. My coworkers at Marc Jacobs are always complimenting my jewelry nowadays.

Alexander Skarsgard: Yasi, have I mentioned how lovely that necklace is that you are wearing? The pendant is so intricate, is it an heirloom?

Yasi: Oh Alex, you are so sweet to notice! It's not an heirloom, actually, it's an antique Victorian necklace that Flo Rida got me for our 2 year anniversary. We found it at a vintage shop in Paris.

Alexander Skarsgard: Very glam. I don't understand how you get gorgeous jewelry from Flo Rida, and I get my eyebrows shaved off in the middle of the night.

Pacey: Yeah, he got me women's sunglasses for my last birthday. They have leopard print frames.

Yasi: Ooh, I remember those! They somehow remind me of a toddler and a grandmother at the same time.

Alexander Skarsgard: They sound kind of cute, actually, in a kitschy way.

Pacey: Alex, I never would have pegged you for a leopard print kind of guy. Oh, watch out, here comes the Hogwarts basketball crew. Is that Laura riding on Delonte's back?

(Basketball crew enters)

Laura: Giddy up! We have come to drink all your whiskey and pillage from your townsfolk! Arrrgg!

Pacey: Are you a cowboy or a pirate?

Laura: Both. Delonte, let me down. I feel like a baby koala.

Delonte West: Pacey, my boy, how you doin today? Gettin that drink on tonight with us?

Pacey: Well, probably not, seeing as I tend bar here. Things don't run as smoothly if I am smashed.

Yasi: But maybe you can kick back a little tonight, Pacey! Hi, I'm Yasi, I am helping Pacey tend bar tonight. Whiskey, was it?

Laura: Yasi, you are very beautiful. The only thing that would make you more beautiful is if you were holding two whiskey shots and maybe a couple corgi puppies. Or a beagle. Seriously though, it's very nice to meet you.

Yasi: Want some ice cream with your whiskey? It's a great chaser, my friend from Marc Jacobs taught me about it.

Laura: That sounds amazing. Cookie dough ice cream?

Yasi: Well, sure. We can do cookie dough ice cream.

Laura: I knew I liked you. Wait, hold up, did you say Marc Jacobs? As in the Muggle fashion designer? You work for him?

Yasi: Well, I work at a store, but we have a showroom in the back, so I get to see a lot of up-and-coming designs. It's pretty exciting.

Laura: You have got to meet my friend Misa. She is highly, highly fashionable. I have my moments, but now is obviously not one of them, as I'm sure you can tell by this Star Wars t-shirt.

Yasi: Honestly, I think it's pretty cool. You never see much clothing around Hogsmeade that's clearly from Muggle origins. I have felt pretty out of place since we moved here.

Laura: Dude, I know what you mean. It is SO obvious who grew up in mixed neighborhoods and who didn't around here. Misa actually didn't, but she somehow retained a natural sense of fashion. This girl in my dorm wore a poncho with a fedora and yoga pants this morning. It was not to be believed.

Delonte West: Reid, get on over here. Come meet this fine young thang my girl's chattin up.

Reid: Um, Delonte, I don't really think she's my type…

Alexander Skarsgard: Hey Yasi, here's that soup you wanted. I salted the rim of the bowl for you.

Reid: Whoa, hey Alexander.

Alexander Skarsgard: Careful with that beer, Reid. I've heard it can go right through you, and the next thing you know, you are pissing on a wall.

Reid: I guess I'd better try and soak it up with some food.

Alexander Skarsgard: Oh, please. As if you eat, with that body of yours.

Reid: What? I eat.

Alexander Skarsgard: Right. Well, I'll make you a grilled cheese sandwich then. That's what's on the burner right now, take it or leave it.

Reid: I guess I'll take it.

(Alexander Skarsgard exits)

Reid: Okay, Laura, did you notice that? I can't tell if he is hitting on me or insulting me.

Yasi: I may be able to shed some light on this subject for you, Reid. You see, Alex feels intensely bitter and angry towards all Hogwarts students because he was unable to go there, but at the same time, he wishes that he were one of you guys. And yeah, I think he probably is hitting on you.

Reid: Interesting. He is pretty hot, but I don't know if I want to deal with all that drama.

Yasi: Alex is a great guy, and the drama is not so dramatic once you get to know him. I basically live with him, so I've seen it all. He's got that kind of broody thing going on, but he actually has a really great sense of humor. And the man can cook. This soup he made me is amazing.

Reid: How intriguing…

END SCENE

Misa: So then he went off and started talking like a total Mugglephobe. He was all, "oh, I don't think we should be encouraging Muggles and wizards to date".

Becca: Dude, that is what I was trying to tell you guys yesterday! Clive Owen's entire family is all about that puritanical bullshit.

Kate: Yeah, exactly, it's his family, not him. He said it himself, he's not prejudiced, just his family rubbed off on him a little bit.

Jenna: That is retarded. My family is just as pureblood as his, and I don't have any anti-Muggle tendencies.

Kate: So does that mean you'll be going for it with Pacey tonight?

Jenna: Okay, Kate, I think you know me well enough to know that me stalling over Pacey has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that he is not a wizard. So don't even try that one.

Misa: I hate to say it, but I think it might not just be his family. Ian Somerhalder is his family, don't forget, and I've never heard him say anything about Muggles.

Becca: That's because he is not exactly pureblood himself. I think it's supposed to be on the DL though, so shhh!

Kate: What? He's not?

Becca: No, not on his dad's side. Muggle-born. So he's not exactly half-blood, but he's not exactly pureblood either. As I understand, it was the main cause of all their family drama.

Kate: Okay, so imagine being Clive Owen and growing up in that kind of oppressive household. That would be really tough. I really think he is trying, you guys, he's going to cook with me tonight.

Misa: That is pretty cute. You guys have a date! What are you going to make?

Kate: I was thinking pierogies with broccoli and mushrooms, lamb chops, and chocolate pumpkin bread for dessert. You know, comfort food.

Becca: I like how you think lamb chops are comfort food.

Jenna: Oh man, you are making pierogies? Will you make some extra for me? I will totally need them tomorrow for hangover food.

Kate: I was already planning on it. Oh, and I'm gonna do it the Muggle way. No wands allowed.

Jenna: Ooh, so you're gonna be down in the dungeons? That is very romantic…

Kate: Well, here's hoping. Either that, or it will be incredibly awkward and uncomfortable.

Misa: Oh man, I should totally take Ian Somerhalder down to the dungeons one of these days. We can have a romantic date of our own.

Becca: Ew. I think the dungeons are super creepy. They just make me think of the Chamber of Secrets and that weird basilisk.

Misa: Ian Somerhalder's basilisk can make its way into my Chamber of Secrets anyti-

Beeca: I KNEW you were going to say that!! Well, now that image is seared forever into my brain. Thanks a lot.

Jenna: Should we head down to Merlin's and get a jump on this basilisk slaying?

Misa: Yes, yes we should. Otherwise I will lose out on time that I could be spending hooking up Ian Somerhalder.

Becca: Good luck on your date, Kate!

Kate: Thanks guys, see you later! Let me know if you see Laura at Merlin's, I haven't seen her since this afternoon.

(Misa, Jenna, and Becca exit)

Kate: I am getting hungry…I guess I'd better head down to the dungeons. I hope Clive Owen doesn't think I am a terrible cook. Crap, what he has an aversion to pumpkin or lamb or something? I probably should have checked with him first. Maybe I should bring a backup meal plan just in case. I could do chicken…most people like chicken. Okay, backup is chicken pot pie. And salad. Or maybe pasta. Shit, I'd better just get down there.

(Kate exits)

END SCENE