Hello everyone. Sorry for the wait. I had a wonderful holiday season and I hope you did as well. I had some typing to do. I had lots of basketball practice. And the band I'm currently in, Touch of Red, had their second gig at the school for a lock in. I had a wonderful time. Anyways, I'm preparing for our school's court warming. I can't wait. I'm really excited, and the next day afterwards, I;m going to see Ozzy Osbourne Live! I'm so pumped.
Without further ado, sit back, relax, and I hope you enjoy.
Prologue:
When you're born, you're pure. You're unspoiled and trusting. And you believe in everything, and everyone.
Carmelita was like that.
Then she met her parents.
At 5 years old, Carmelita was like a double agent. She wouldn't tell her father about his new girl cheating around on him, and she wouldn't tell her current mom at whatever time that Ken was cheating on her. She had to be a double agent. It wasn't like she wanted. She just had to. Her dad had been married Five times.
Knowing this, I made a vow that I would never end up like Ken, or Carm's mom.
Or her mom.
Or her mom.
Or her mom.
…or her mom.
See what I mean?
Instead, I decided that I would always give the benefit of the doubt and live in total trust. I mean, it can't be that hard.
Or so I thought.
"My girlfriend's sleeping with some guy." Cooper dreadfully concluded as the elevator went up.
Sly, Bentley, and Murray were currently riding an elevator upwards towards Carmelita's working place. It was an extremely tense and suspenseful atmosphere. For one thing, the Interpol Police station was a place that was extremely off limits to the Cooper gang. Even though Sly was married to one of the main officers, his reputation of a master thief made him and the gang Interpol's top most wanted criminals. Even if he wasn't committing a crime at the moment, and that he had never committed a crime in 3 years, he was still a major criminal that the police were trying to catch.
Luckily, Sly and the gang had some high, "Grade A," professional disguises.
But that still didn't cover up the second reason that Sly felt so nervous. Recently, Sly was having doubts about his wife's trust. It started with some strange business dinners, and then lately, he received a strange combination of letters. And while Murray would believe in anything, Bentley tried to convince Sly that it was okay.
"You don't know that for sure." Bentley exclaimed calmly.
Sly flashed Bentley a serious look, and then reached into his coat pocket. "Two strange business dinners, and now this!" he pulled out the latest of strange letters that Sly was receiving. Once he un-crumpled it, he read it aloud, with a sarcastic and gloomy tone. "It says, Dear Carm, A rose peddles curves are nothing compared to yours." After finishing the note, he gave Bentley a corked brow. "Care to explain that, genius!" Sly sardonically explained.
Bentley seemed to be completely flabbergasted. As he tried to rightfully defended Carmelita, he realized that the more he spoke, the more and more idiotic his case sounded.
"Well," Bentley began. "Carmelita is a very efficient employee; a-a-and l-lots of her coworkers would admire her. And she h-happens to be a very attractive woman, a-a-and….uh…..they might remark on her resemblance to flowers?"
Sly listened to the entire conversation, with one brow cocked and both of his eyes focused on the turtle as he stumbled to make a sure fire argument defending this obscure and somewhat obscene note. When he failed to do so, Sly's face went for a confused and befuddled look. He had only one question.
"….Are you drunk?" Sly asked sarcastically.
Carmelita is the one. I know this for sure. In the beginning, it was harmless flirtation and a small attraction. But as we kept running in to each other, time and time again, I realized my very powerful love and attraction for her. She's my heart, she's my soul. And she owns me.
And when you give up your complete trust to someone, you have to make sure that they are not screwing around on you.
"What time you got?" Sly asked Bentley.
Bentley held out his wrist and began to read his watch. "It's 11:00 am."
Sly nod his head once in a serious manner. "Good, then that means she's at a staff meeting." The plan was coming into action. Sly was starting to act like a master detective, and not at all like a master thief. "Okay, here's the plan. We walk in, we asked some questions, and we gather evidence." Then he pointed at Bentley. "You're recon," Sly exclaimed. Then he pointed to Murray. "You're the diversion." Sly concluded. Then he turned and popped his neck, as he waited for the elevator to arrive on the 11th floor. "Let's do this."
At approximately that moment, the elevator doors opened. All of Sly's motivation had crumbled, when he seen what was in front of him. It was something that shocked the raccoon to his core, and made him stare at awe with his jaw to the floor.
Carmelita was holding on to another employee's tie. The man that Carmelita was laughing with, seemed to be in a pretty good mood, and didn't mind that Carmelita was tugging on his tie. The Fox Girl, was laughing really hard. She reminded Sly of a school girl, much to his utter horror. And Sly heard Carmelita exclaim, "Oh God, Chad. You're so funny!"
Sly was so shocked and sadden, that he didn't loose his astonished look of gloom as the elevator doors closed shut.
Chapter 10: Sex with….Pudding?
After a little while, the elevator doors finally re-opened. As Carmelita continued laughing and tugging on this seemingly positive Coworker's tie, she sensed the odd feeling that she was being watched. Then she turned and looked at the Elevator door. Even though their masks seemed to disguise them a lot, she noticed two things.
1. The three people in the elevator were obviously a turtle, a raccoon, and a hippo.
2. The hippo was left unmasked.
Spotting Murray immediately, she realized that Sly had shown up to her work space without her permission. And judging by the way he was slowly and intermittingly walking towards her and the coworker, she could tell that this trip was personal. At this point, the coworker noticed the gang as well. At first, he had no clue who they were. But he was defiantly sure that they were scaring him. He didn't have to wait too long to guest who the guests were, for after wrapping an arm around Carmelita, Sly announced himself to this man.
"Hi," Sly exclaimed in a nice but somewhat threatening manner. It was by the way he smiled and calmly explained himself that made Chad, the coworker shiver with fear. "My names Sly. I'm Carmelita's boyfriend. Prone to fits of anger." Then he held out his hand. Chad timidly shook Sly's hand. "Nice to meet-oh. Very feeble handshake you got there. You should pump some Iron; take care of this hand problem."
Chad was scared out of his wits. This man seemed very intimidating.
Carm was sporting a nervous smile and the presence of shock. She was absolutely astounded that Sly showed up at her workplace. Worst of all, he showed up acting like a total jerk to Chad, who had done nothing wrong, and was probably scared out of his wits. Carmelita, decided to help Chad out, laid out her hand on Sly's while the raccoon gripped the feline's hand in a rough hand shake. She looked Chad in the eyes and told the cat, "Chad, its okay. I'll see you in a second."
Chad, gave off a shy, "Okay," and then went on his way.
Before Carmelita could begin to tell her husband how much of a raging ass he was acting like, Sly gave off a quirky swagger as he looked at his wife straight in the eye. "You never mentioned Chad. So Chad is funny right?" Sly stated in a serious manner.
Carmelita rolled her eyes, and smiled sarcastically as she leaned in for a kiss. "Chad is just someone I work with. That's all." Then, after pecking Sly's lips in a sweet and syrupy kiss, her mood changed from nicely sweet, to sardonically sour. "Now, shall I step aside as you mark your territory."
As Sly scowled in a disappointed manner, Bentley laughed nervously as he tried to defend his buddy. Bentley slapped Sly on the shoulders, and began to speak. "Oh come on, Sly's way funnier than Chad." With a fake laugh, Bentley shook Sly in a friendly manner as he continued speaking. "Come on Sly. What was that you asked in the elevator earlier?"
With perfect comedic timing, and fully meaning what he was saying, Sly asked Bentley "Are you drunk?"
Bentley laughed at Sly's comment, while looking at Carmelita, and pointing at the ringtail.
"Yeah, hilarious." Carmelita sarcastically remarked. "You Guys know that you're not allowed in here right?" she asked. "If any of my workers found out who you actually are, you'd be in serious trouble. How'd you get past security?"
"What? These masks didn't cue you in?" Sly asked jokingly.
"Oh, I could see the masks. What's more was I could see how fake they looked."
"Really?" Bentley stated as he studied Sly's mask. "I thought they'd actually work."
"Besides that," Carmelita interrupted. "If you guys didn't have the masks, how else were you going to get in here?"
"Well, we figured that if you walk in with confidence, nobody will bother you." Sly commented. Carmelita jerked her head towards Murray. Sly looked at the hippo, realizing that Murray was the only one out of the group that didn't have a mask on. "Plus, we gave Murray a large hat." Sly said as he tapped the large hat that Murray wore.
Murray is my best friend. And I love him with all my heart, no matter how many times I'm charged as an accessory. The last time I was with Murray in Carmelita's office, he ended up stealing like 50 pounds of paper. And, to add insult to injury, he smiled at the camera with the papers in his hand, on the way out the door.
"What are you guys doing here in the first place?" Carmelita asked discreetly.
This single sentence sent Sly back a step. The problem was, the gang really didn't have a definitive, alternative reason for being here. And since it would be rude to explain truthfully, that Sly was here because he feared that Carm was sleeping around on him, the gang looked at each other, searching for an alibi. They came to one conclusion. "Lunch." They exclaimed in unison.
Carmelita corked a brow. "It's 11:00." She replied.
"…..So…..what time do you have lunch?" Sly asked politely and confusingly.
"Lunch time." Carmelita replied enhancing every syllable with a serious matter of tone.
"…uh-huh." Sly replied with a cocked brow and a confusing stare. Afterwards, he looked at his buddies for advice. This was single handedly one of the most awkward moments in his life. the gang replied with shrugged shoulders. After a long period of silence, Sly got an idea. "Okay, we'll wait in your office."
Suddenly, Carm's eyes seemed to almost bulge right out of her skull. Her mouth gaped open in surprise. Her pupils dilated in complete and utter alarm. She had to control herself from almost screaming. She placed herself right in front of Sly, and held him back from moving forward another inch. With complete astonishment filling her voice, she whispered harshly, "No, no, no. you are not allowed in my office; not after what happened last time."
Carmelita's office; inflammable, nonflammable.
I mean, you'd have to be dictionary to know what burns.
Notice how I wrote that last sentence.
You'd think Murray would learn to be careful with a lighter around paper. But nooooooo! He has to go and almost burned down the entire fricking office!
On accident.
"Here's an Idea." Carmelita rudely interrupted as Sly tried to justify staying in her office. "Why don't you leave now." She suggested with a sarcastic smile. And by the way she was shoving Sly towards the elevator, it was evident that she wasn't suggesting, she was commanding.
Sly looked confused and bewilder as Carmelita kept pushing the gang towards the elevator doors. He was about to lose his chance to gain some evidence in his favor. The whole gang seemed perplexed about the whole situation. Suddenly, the elevator doors opened on their own.
Everyone's eyes widened in shock.
There was a female tiger inside the elevator. She had on simple business attire, with a jacket, white button up shirt, and black skirt. She looked young, but her presence made her seem old; possibly in her thirties. And she was now, the biggest and most fearful enemy the gang had to face. Her name was Teresa. And she was the new chief of Interpol.
She waited in the elevator, and smiled brightly at Carmelita. "Hello Carm. The witness to the "Mary Cortez," case is here. You coming up?"
After a brief moment of staring in shock, Carmelita replied, "Right now." And she made her way into the elevator.
Once inside, Teresa looked and noticed the three strange individuals standing in the doorway. They seemed odd, because they were oddly familiar. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but she had a feeling that she knew who these gentlemen were. And she definitely knew that she had to have seen that hippo from somewhere.
"Do I know you?" she asked.
Sly, and his friends' eyes immediately widened. Then they turned around and showed their backs to Teresa. They tried lowering their voices so they wouldn't seem so recognizable. Slouching and 'burying their heads,' they replied. "Nu-huh."
"Yeah, we're here to fix the…um…cup of coffee….er….thing." Sly replied with a very deep voice.
Teresa was easily confused. "What?" she asked.
Before Sly could dig his grave any deeper, Carmelita made a justifiable excuse, saving her husband. "They're going to clean my office." She responded to her incredibly puzzled boss. She then commanded Sly and the rest of the gang. "Go to my office. Wait for me there. And don't touch anything."
"Now wait." Teresa stated. "I know I've seen them somewhere before."
"No you haven't," Carmelita laughed. "There just…..cleaning service." and with a smile, she pressed the button to close the doors.
Once then elevator doors were slammed shut, Sly gave a small and solemn prayer to his wife. Then he made a dash for Carmelita's office. He ran like a wild hyena, with his gang closely behind him. They all thanked Carmelita for saving their asses once more.
Carmelita is sort of like my co-conspirator at keeping the world from knowing what a dork I really am.
Once they were inside Carm's office, the search began. Sure, they were informed not to touch anything, but Sly made it his priority to search Carmelita's office top to bottom. There was something very suspicious going on behind Sly's back, and Sly was not going to rest until he found out what it was. Now, they were in the front lines; the battlefield of confusion. This was where Sly believe most of the wary activities were taking place. Now it was time to investigate.
"I'll take the desk," Sly ordered Murray. "You take the file cabinets."
Murray did a simple salute, and then went about to his work.
Bentley, with a groan of annoyance, recognized the door was opened, and went over to shut it. While he was helping out the gang by closing the door, at the same time, Bentley was fully against this search and seizure of Carmelita's work space, and he made it apparent by the way he spoke, in what he said.
"Can you guys at least for one time in your life, since this is a police station of course, not commit a crime?" Bentley complained.
"This is not a crime." Sly replied as he pulled up a strange looking, slim, black box. Wonder what this is? Sly thought.
"It's an invasion of privacy!" Bentley retorted.
"Which is not a crime." Sly answered as he fooled around with the strange box, trying to figure out how to open it. Suddenly, he realized that the black box folded up. What was worst was the fact that this wasn't a box that Sly was tampering with, it was Carmelita's workstation laptop. And to the ringtail's utter horror, as soon as he opened the laptop, the computer stated three terrible words in a futuristic monotone. "You got mail."
With wide eyes, Sly proclaimed, "Okay. This is going to be an invasion of privacy and a crime."
When Carmelita was growing up, she heard the legend of privacy that lived in other people's houses. You know what I'm talking about dairy, right. I mean after all, this diary is a legend of privacy. No one reads it but me.
Carm tried keeping a diary once. It ended up being a performance piece for one of her dad's poker nights. She claims that she was so embarrassed when Ken read aloud her diary, that she didn't leave her room for three days.
Luckily for me, my diary is under a strict security set up. (But for some odd reason, I always get the feeling that somehow, and in some way, someone from somewhere is reading my diary.)
Sly, even though he knew it was against his bitter judgment to sink so low as to reading another's mail, began to run through every single strange looking email that Carmelita had received. Most had been deleted before hand. But some, seemed to catch Sly's eye. They didn't look so threatening, it's just, in some divine way, it was like destine for Sly to discover the one email that made his jaw drop.
"Oh my god." Sly gasped as he read the email.
Bentley went on the defensive. "DON'T JUDGE HER. THEY JUST SEND YOU THAT PORN WITHOUT EVEN ASKING!"
Sly was easily confused. "What? No!" Sly exclaimed to Bentley. "It's not porn."
"Well, what is it?" Murray asked as he walked over to the computer, wanting to read the email as well.
Sly then began reading over the text once more. The Title was an eye catcher to begin with. I mean, how many emails begin with the words, "Hello love," and they don't catch someone's interest. Sly, was now more investigative than ever. His hunting instincts seemed to kick from natural, to technological, as he pin pointed and analyzed every word from the email. Eventually, he read it aloud.
"Don't judge her, huh?" Sly mocking told Bentley. Then he began to read the Email. " 'Hello Love. Dinner tonight?' *question mark.* 'are usual place?' *question mark.*"
"Snacks in the break room. Period." Bentley retorted.
Sly took only a moment's time to stick out his tongue in a childish manner at the green turtle. While Bentley was his best friend, Sly was very annoyed whenever the technological genius would act out in a snotty manner. Sly then refocused on the email. The raccoon then begin to squint. He wasn't quite sure he read something right. But as he got closer to the screen and concentrated on the words more, he realized that his eyes had not deceived him earlier. It wasn't shocking, just very odd. So odd, in fact, the raccoon mumbled aloud, "What the fuck?"
"What?" Murray asked interested.
"Listen to this. 'Signed fondly…..Pudding.'" Sly replied. Who the hell names themselves Pudding? Sly asked himself.
Bentley thought about this word in a completely different manner. "See! Pudding. A light snack." Bentley replied.
Sly turned to Bentley and gave him the confused stare of surprised. Bentley was acting so egotistical and stubborn. It was plainly obvious by the way the word was written into the email. "Pudding," was not a light snack. "Pudding" was a person. And from Sly's fears from before, the Raccoon came to the conclusion that "Pudding" was sleeping with his wife. Carmelita was having sex with "Pudding."
"I hate this pudding guy." Murray hatefully whispered aloud.
The problem with Bentley is that he's too trusting. Sure, Bentley knows a trap when he sees one, but when it comes to a personal life, Bentley never see's past the smoke in mirrors.
Case in point: I see a carjacker. Bentley see's a grumpy valley with a gun. I see terrorist. Bentley see's a very faithful Muslim.
After at least 30 minutes of investigating, Sly began to realize that he might have made a terrible mistake. As he looked about the room, he noticed papers were lying about, in every direction, and they were either crumpled or out of order. The desk had been searched through so thoroughly, that the drawers were almost off their hinges. Even the couch, which the cushions were now removed from, was investigated. Noticing this, Sly called his comrades to a halt.
"Guys," Sly proclaimed. "Carmelita going to know we did something."
Murray looked about the room, and began agreeing with Sly that maybe this was not this best idea. And while Bentley was completely agreeing with the fact that pillaging through Carmelita's office was a bad move, he did not have the reserve to give forth his calm retaliation like Murray did. Instead, the turtle lost it.
"We!" Bentley exclaimed. "No. there's no 'we' in 'Bentley.' There is a 'y' as in why the hell are you doing this!"
Sly shrugged this off with a moan of exasperation. Looking towards Murray, they decided that it was best to begin cleaning up now. Sly began searching around the room for certain papers that needed to go in certain drawers. Murray was about to do the same as well. Suddenly, as Murray opened the very last file cabinet, something interesting caught the hippo's eye. He pulled it out into the sun light of the room, to get a clearer view of it. And when he did, he was defiantly surprised.
"Hey Sly?" Murray asked as he walked towards Cooper with the box in his hand. "Did you give Carm this present?"
"No." Sly replied with a growl as he snapped to attention. While Sly was a generous husband, and presented this by indulging his wife in multiple gifts, he certainly remembered that he hadn't yet to give his wife a present this month. Sly was also had a very good memory. So he memorized his presents very well. He most certainly, did not give Carmelita a thin white box.
As soon as Sly grabbed the unknown gift, it was immediately taken away from him by Bentley, who proceeded to laugh in a playful manner.
"Come on," Bentley replied. "Has no one ever heard of a secret Santa?" and at this point, Bentley decided to open the box, and take a peek inside. To Sly's astonishment, Bentley immediately closed the gift as soon as he opened it. It was like whatever was in the box, was about to attack Bentley. The turtle seemed so astonished. Sure, he continued to laugh, but now, the laughter was more in a nervous manner than anything else. Bentley, with his heart racing and sweat pouring down his body, replied with a squeaky voice, "it's just a scarf."
Sly, was defiantly not buying that excuse. So, taking initiative, Sly grabbed the box and opened it up. As he picked up the object, at first, Sly was convinced that perhaps this item was a scarf. After all, that item was a type of clothing, lace, long, and very thin. But for some reason, Sly felt there was more to this apparent, "scarf."
And that's when the clothing revealed itself, by dropping its front onto Sly's knuckles.
"Do scarves usually come equipped with crotches?" Sly sarcastically asked as he held the lace, hot pink, thong in his fingertips.
Looking back down into the box, Sly noticed a small card. Dropping the very desecrating panties, Sly looked at the card, and the text it displayed. As he read each word out loud, his heart started to break more and more. until the point that when he was finished with the card, he began to weep like a lost child.
"Hey sexy," the note stated. "Saw this and thought of you."
After reading the final words, Sly placed his head down on his wife's desk, and began to cry. He wept with such a fury that he almost felt like throwing up. And with a cry of horror and sadness, Sly declared what he thought was the truth. "Oh God!" he tearfully proclaimed. "My wife is having an affair."
I always loved Carmelita. The story of how we came together actually runs very far back. The first time we met, Carmelita's second step mother took her to the "happy campers" orphanage. Her second mother wanted to adopt Carmelita a brother. (Which she eventually did do, but I'm not going to discuss Carmelita's brother just yet.) While her second step mother was talking with the officials, Carmelita (who was five at the time,) spent her time talking to the kids around the orphanage. Eventually, she met me, (and I was somewhere around six,) and we played a small little game of "cops and robbers" while her mom talked with the officials.
I find it kind of ironic that we played that game so long ago the first time we met. It was almost like foreshadowing.
The second time we met; I had turned 18, escaped the orphanage with Murray and Bentley, and was running from the cops after the success of my first heist. I had stolen a jewel that was about 30 carrots, and was running out of the museum, dodging security lasers and spot lights. During my haste, I accidently ran into the main security guard
Guess who the main guard was.
I swear, it was one of the most awkward moments of my life.
So, one evil robot owl, a resurrection of the owl via crazed cat lady, an evil doctor, and one case of faked amnesia later, Carmelita and I fell in love with each other, and decided to marry.
So when I went into her office, and discovered those panties, I cried more than I had ever cried in my life.
But eventually, all things have to come to an end.
After a good five minutes of crying, Sly was finally able to calm down. All of us could attest to the fact that even though crying solves nothing, it does lift a lot of weight off one's shoulder. And eventually, you feel better after a good long cry. So Sly, felt somewhat clearer, (even though his sinuses were not) after his weeping session in Carm's office.
Then, it happened.
The door to the office opened. And Carmelita burst through. Her eyes immediately landed on the broken raccoon, who looked up at her with the biggest look of defeat she had ever seen. Bloodshot eyes, stiff patches of fur where tears once laid, and with the facial expression that only a mouse could give, Sly exasperated in sorrow, "Hello."
Her expression went from anxiety, to discovery. She was now taking in all the aspects of Sly's mood. More importantly, she was noticing all the details of the room. it looked like a disaster area. It was almost like a war zone. Papers were thrown all over the room. The cabinets were almost off their hinges. But the thing that caught her eye the most was the couch. As she turned around to close the door behind her, she commented on that effect.
"I can understand going through the desk and the file cabinets," she began. "But, why did you look under the couch?"
"Well, we found 65 cents under there." Murray commented as he held up his hand, showing her the coins.
Sly, with the most disappointed look, showed her the panties. "We also found this." Sly exclaimed.
"He thinks you're having an affair." Bentley pointed out.
"An affair, huh?" Carmelita commented with a strange tone that was a mixture of sarcasm and sadness. Suddenly, the sadness seemed to outweigh her sarcasm. And it was apparent when she spoke. "Sly," she choked. "Did it ever occur to you that there might be something going on in my life that is worst than having an affair.'
Sly was now really confused. He didn't believe that there couldn't be anything worse out there. Well….he did have a slight idea of something that could be much worst.
"I'm dying?" Sly asked confused.
"No," Carm replied, disappointed that Sly was only thinking for himself. "This is not about you."
"Then I'm dying!" Murray exclaimed with much fear and horror.
"No!" Carmelita shouted, as her frustration fogged her mind. "Nobody is dying."
"Well," Sly exclaimed as he threw the panties down on the desk, and got up from the chair. "What am I suppose to think?" at this point, Sly got in front of his wife, and took her hand in a gentle manner. He spoke reassuringly. "Listen Carm, We're a team. If there's a problem, I got you back."
"This is not a cage match, ringtail." Carmelita replied. "And the reason I didn't tell you was that I didn't want you involved. This is my problem, and my problem only, and I'll fix it myself."
That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Sly was on the verge of acting like a little kid. The fact that Carmelita was being so resilient was causing him to become frustrated and angry. So, planting his feet, he made his solemn promise, and declaration.
"Carm," he shouted. "I'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on."
"Well, I'm not telling you." Carmelita proclaimed, equally pissed off.
"Fine then," Cooper stated.
"Fine." Carmelita retorted.
Bentley was about to lose it. The pressure was becoming too much to handle. As Carmelita and Sly's fight escalated, Bentley was losing his mind. Finally, the turtle could no longer take it. Standing up, he proclaimed, "I think you should tell him."
Sly was shocked. "You knew?" he proclaimed.
Bentley, after his proclamation, realized the error of his way. However, the metaphorical snowball was already rolling down hill, so there was no use in turning back now. So, with much distain and awkwardness, Bentley said, "…Yes."
"Tell me." Sly announced.
"She's…..She's…." Bentley stuttered. The uncomfortable situation was becoming worse by the second. One hand, if he told Sly, the feeling would immediately pass. But Carmelita told him to never tell anyone. And the fear of her retaliation kept Bentley from spewing forth the truth. Sly however, had the look of reassurance and trust. So, with a deep breath, Bentley told him.
"She's being sexually harassed."
Sly turned around to face Carmelita. Sly's expression was that of shock and dismay. He was looking to Carmelita so she could confirm the truth. Carmelita was biting her lip. Her eyes were welling up with tears. She looked like she'd been punch in the stomach. So Sly had an assumption that what Bentley said was true; that someone was teasing her wife in a way that was hurting her emotionally. Still, after having an incorrect assumption earlier today, he had to ask his wife in order to fully know the truth.
"Is that true?" Sly ask with sadness.
Carmelita reluctantly bobbed her head, 'yes.' Then the tears began to flow.
Sly went over to his wife, and held on to her tightly in an ever so loving hug. He clung to her securely, and made it sure that he would never let go. He tried providing her comfort, as Carmelita buried her head into his chest, and began to cry.
Suddenly, Sly said something that made Carmelita extremely confused.
"Oh, thank God." Sly said.
Carmelita was almost shocked. "Thank God?" she inquired.
Sly brought her up so she could see his face. It was stretched into a smile. "Yeah," Sly proclaimed. Suddenly he shook his head. "I mean. It's simple now. All we have to do now is kick the guy's ass."
Carmelita hung her head back and looked towards the heavens in defeat and disappointment, as she placed a finger to her lips, trying to hold back her frustrations.
"Finally. We're playing to our strengths." Murray proclaimed from the back with a smile.
"See?" Sly told his wife. "The guy's a dead man.""
"Uh….roughly how big a dead man?" Murray asked.
"Sorry," Bentley stated from the back to Carmelita. "I really tried to stop this."
"It's not your fault Bentley." Carmelita exasperated. "I'm the one with the problem I can't seem to handle."
Sly looked like he was about to crack. "Well, we'll handle it for you." Sly exclaimed irritated.
"Sly," Carmelita warned as she placed a hand on his cheek affectionately. "Sly, please, just stay out of it." Once she said this, she moved back to her desk and began to clean up the mess the gang had created. "It's my problem."
"But I'm in it." Sly whined.
"No," she replied with a vicious tone, coming from a smile. "Actually, you're not. It's…" she tried searching for the right word. "….complicated. You'd just…..you wouldn't understand."
"But you do." Sly stated.
"Yeah, cause of my father." Carmelita mumbled.
Carmelita's dad invented sexual harassment. Every time there's a sexual harassment lawsuit, Ken gets a royalty check. And every time he sexually harassed a woman, he never took no for an answer.
Of course, he has taken, "get off me," or "I'm calling the cops" for an answer.
"I know how much you guys want to help," Carmelita replied. "I really do, but you can't. I'm the one you dug the hole; I'm the one who has to pull myself out.
Sly was confused, hurt, and bewildered. "You think you're to blame for this?" Sly asked with a cocked brow.
"Yes?...no…maybe…partially…..It's-it's complicated."Carmelita stuttered trying to find the right answer.
Sly gave Carmelita's a reassuring look, as he took his wife's hand and kissed it. He softly spoke to her, in a sweet tone that made her melt; that is….until she heard the whole sentence. "Honey," Sly considerately told her. "You're just hot. It's not your fault you're a smoking hot sexy lady. It's not."
"You're hearts in the right place," Carmelita considerately told her husband. "It's just not connected to your brain. You'd just don't get it."
"But Bentley can?" Sly replied hurtfully.
"Bentley listens." Carmelita exclaimed as she patted the turtle on the back. The turtle began to blush as Carmelita continued describing Bentley's abilities. "Bentley is not like other guys. I can share things with him. He listens."
With a laugh of embarrassment, and a face redden with embarrassment as well; Bentley began to tell a story. "You know, that's something they taught us in the orphanage. The councilor would use to say, 'children, you have two ears and one mouth so you can listen twice as much as you speak.'"
"See?" Carmelita exclaimed as she grabbed a red folder, and walked out behind her desk. "Honey," she told Sly. "I have to go upstairs now."
"Good," Sly proclaimed. "You handle the client, we'll handle the asshole. So who's the guy?"
"Yeah, who's this pudding fella?" Murray shouted like a tough man.
Carmelita turned around. Her eyes blaring with the fire of anger and frustration. She slowly walked towards Sly like a predator. Her stance and movement was intimidating. And what made it even scarier, was the fact that she was smiling, because she knew exactly how bad she was threatening the raccoon. "Here's how you can handle it." Carmelita exclaimed as she poked his chest with the edge of the red folder. "You can either A.) Sneak out past security the same way you came in; or B.) We'll have a long, hard, fight that last for days."
Sly closed his legs together in remembrance.
Anyone who has read the first entry of my diary knows exactly why I never fight with Carmelita anymore. May the 1st will be a date that will live in infamy.
"I just want everyone here to respect you." Sly made known.
"Really?" Carmelita sarcastically asked. "Okay. How about we start with you?"
A powerful and dreadful silence entered the room. Sly was hurt horribly by Carmelita's comment. And all it took was Murray to make it worse.
"Good one." Murray commented to Carm.
Sly slowly and irately turned his head towards Murray. He glared at the pink hippo in an intense and warning manner. The heated glare caused Murray to involuntarily take a step back. Once Murray did this, Sly looked back at his wife in a strange way. It was a cross between anxiety and questioning.
"Are you sure?" Sly asked concern.
"Yep." Carmelita replied.
After a couple more seconds of silence, the raccoon bobbed his head in acceptance. "Okay." He replied confidently.
Carmelita was confused. Never had she seen the ringtail make up his mind so quickly. "Really?" she asked with a quirked brow.
"Yes." Sly stated with a smile. "I trust you completely. I know you can handle it."
Carmelita slowly grew a warm smile. She went up to her husband and kissed him on the cheek. They hugged each other closely and soothingly.
Then the door opened behind Carm. And it was followed by the sound of Teresa asking, "Hey Carm, are you sure-"'
Sly and Carmelita immediately took action. Carm loosened the hug without delay, so it seemed like she was only patting his shoulder. Sly hung his head low so that way Teresa wouldn't be able to identify him. Murray looked away so Teresa couldn't do the same with him as well. Carmelita slowly backed away, as she started talking so it looked like she was in the middle of a conversation before Teresa walked in.
"Like I said, I'm very proud of you all." She proclaimed. "Especially you," she told Sly. "Okay now. I'm leaving for a bit. Continue on with you work…..um…..bye-bye."
And with a flash, Carm was out the door with Teresa. Sly was finally able to breath, and wiped a sweat from his forehead. It was another close call. They waited as they watched Teresa and Carm through the windows, as the entered the elevators again.
Since I have been married to Carmelita, I've learned. You don't have to bungee off every bridge. You don't have to work on every car that's top of the line. You don't have to be the first man to jump so and so many busses. And you don't have to be one of those mall boyfriends.
You know the ones. "Hey, you looking at my girlfriend?" *acts cocky and intimidating*
As much fun as acting like a mall boyfriend is, I've learned not to do that.
But it's a challenge.
After the coast was clear, the gang made their way through the building, and started walking towards the elevators again. Murray was silent, for he had nothing to say. Sly was silent, because he was thinking. And, he was somewhat disappointed. Sure, he trusts that Carmelita was going to fix her problem, but he wanted to fix her problem for her. After all, after hearing about the 'pudding' a-hole, he wanted to kick that guy's ass so much. But Carmelita wouldn't allow it. So with silence and disappointment, Sly continued walking towards the elevator doors.
Bentley however, could not shut the hell up.
"Sly," he made clear. "I just want you to know how proud of you I am."
Sly sighed as the elevator doors opened. "Yes. Of course Bentley." The turtle had said this at least a thousand times earlier.
"I mean, you are becoming a sensitive trusting man." Bentley stated.
"Congratulations," Murray sarcastically mumbled to Sly. "You're becoming Bentley."
"I heard that." Bentley warned as they stepped into the elevators. "And No Murray, he's not becoming me. Sly now knows that he doesn't have to be the white knight who rushes in at the first sign of danger."
Before the doors could even close, Sly pressed the button causing the elevator to stay where it was at. He immediately walked out the door, and dragged Murray along with him.
And I thought, "Danger? I married fricking Carmelita Montoya Fox for Christ sakes. I live with danger. I'm an ex-criminal. I jumped gaps between building that couldn't have been made with a motorcycle, and made it to the other side. I walked on type ropes faster than the speed of sight. I fought giant mechanical owls. I survived explosions, plane crashes, and bullet wounds. So what make Bentley think that I'm just going to stop now. I came in today looking to kick someone's ass, and I'm not leaving till I do."
Bursting back through the elevator doors, with Murray who was now informed about Sly's plan, the raccoon and the hippo gathered everyone's attention. It was a simple Idea, Sly was going to declare to the whole office about the problem Carmelita was having, ask this, 'pudding' guy to leave Carmelita alone, and then be on his way. The first step; Sly had to gather everyone's attention.
"All right everybody! Listen up!" Sly declared to the whole office.
Immediately, everyone's eyes were focused upon Cooper. The whole atmosphere changed from work to silence in an instant. They all looked upon him, with a mixture of fear, curiosity, and bafflement. Sly, was never one for public speaking. In fact, Sly always tried taking chances to never be seen a lot in public. Now, with all the eyes upon him, Sly felt completely nervous and awkward. In fact, he was so nervous, he completely forgot what he was about to say.
"Um…I…." Sly stuttered.
Unfortunately, Murray had the perfect sentence to fill in the silence.
"This is a hostage situation!" Murray declared.
"Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god," Bentley hyperventilated.
Sly backhanded Murray on the back of his head, muttered the word "idiot," and then realized that he had some business to take care of. He had no clue that he could lead his team with such authority. Part of his rush came from the adrenaline from being in his first hostage heist ever. Another part of his rush came from the fact that he felt like he was being a criminal, and he hadn't preformed criminal activities in years. Whatever the case, Sly was beginning to like the adrenaline, and felt so good, that he began calling orders.
"Murray," declared to the hippo. "Watch the elevator." Then he turned his head to Bentley. "Bentley, watch the hallway." Sly ordered. Both of his comrades followed his orders exactly. Once they were in their positions, Sly looked back to the office room to notice his audience still standing at attention.
"Now listen people." Sly began. "I don't know exactly where I'm going with this but-"
Suddenly, Sly was interrupted by a small noise. It was like the tapping of a window, followed by a metallic crunch. Sly turned his head, and saw Chad, (funny cat, Chad) stapling certain documents together. This made Sly irritated, for, since Chad was stapling, it was proof that someone in the offices wasn't taking him seriously.
He started off calmly. "Please, put the stapler down sir."
Chad looked up confused. "What?"
Then, the adrenaline rush kicked in, and Sly lost it. "DOWN!" he screamed.
Everyone in the office ducked down and placed their hands behind their heads, including Chad.
And Murray got into the situation, and added insult to injury by stating, "And do what he says people! He's crazy! El loco, man!"
Sly realized that the situation was possible getting too intense for Sly to handle. So, trying to commence what he meant to start earlier, Sly began to tell the office why he was here, and why he was calling everyone to attention.
"All right people," he began calmly. " This is going to sound crazy…..but I'm looking for a man, named pudding."
Awkward Silence filled the air.
"I'm assuming it's a nickname," Sly continued. "But whoever he is, he's harassing my girlfriend, and I want him to stop."
"Who'ssssss your girlfriend?" a python asked crouching under his desk.
"My girlfriend happens to be my wife." Sly stated. "And her name is Carmelita Montoya Fox." Sly realized that he was getting very emotionally wrapped up in his own speech. His own heart felt like it was breaking, as he continued with his story. "When I was growing up in the orphanage, I thought I'd never find a good woman. Instead, I got the perfect woman. She is cool, and sweet, sassy, beautiful, but every time someone picks on her, part of that beauty dies. So….Pudding….whoever you are. Just stop. Come clean and be a man."
Suddenly, a chill went up Sly's neck as he felt something hot, wet, soft, and caring kiss his neck. He automatically recognized it as Carmelita's lips. Her lips had a way of resonating in Sly's mind, for no one's lips could be so caring, and seductive, yet automatically recognizable. Sly turned around and notice Carmelita standing in front of him. With a warm smile. It was the perfect moment, and Carmelita knew just what to say, to screw it up for her enjoyment. She loved watching Sly's emotions.
"Thanks for not getting into it, babe." She sarcastically remarked.
"Yeah, I'm sorry." Sly sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck. He placed his hands on her hips, and her arms wrapped around his neck, as they kissed once more. "When did you come in?" Sly asked after they broke the kiss.
"She came in right around the time you talked about yourself at the orphanage." Chad proclaimed as he got up from the ground. "And….I have an announcement to make." Chad suddenly got all nervous. Then He looked Carmelita right in the eyes, and said the words that sparked the fire. "Carm…..I'm the one who's been sexually harassing you."
Carmelita was shocked. "Chad?"
Sly however, had a great suspicion about Chad. He called Murray over as they punched the insides of their hands. "Well Chad," Sly stated darkly as him and Murray cornered the kitty. "It looks like we're going to have a little chat-"
Sly was suddenly interrupted by the snake as he stood up and announced, "I'm Guilty too!"
Sly turned to face the snake, baffled. "What?" Sly exclaimed.
"I throw loose change on the floor and watch you pick it up!" the snake exclaimed guilty. "I spent like 5 dollars on you this week."
Carmelita looked towards her husband, with the most stunned eyes, and squealed, "eww."
Another coworker stood up, this time a lion, and while it was strange for a lion to act so feeble, it was happening at the moment. "I work down in the mail room," the lion proclaimed. "I always time myself so I can meet you as you're walking out the office."
"That's kind of creepy," Carmelita yelled, surprised by how it was now 3 people who were harassing her, than the usual one.
"we're going to need more guys to kick everyone's ass,"
Suddenly, the elevator doors opened again. This time, some one that rose fear in the heart of Sly stepped through the elevator doors. Teresa, Carmelita's boss, walked through the elevator doors, with confusion and shock being the only emotions present on her face.
"What is going on?" Teresa exclaimed out loud. "Why isn't anyone working?"
Knowing, that Teresa was the chief of Interpol, and with the fact that Sly was filled with so much emotion, Sly decided to make a sarcastic remark. "Well, you must be the head of the stalker training camp."
At first, Teresa was extremely confused and offended by the comment. But suddenly, as she studied the raccoon more, her pupils dilated in surprise and recognition. With a gasp, she exclaimed, "Wait! I know you."
With a sigh, Sly finally realized it was time to take off the mask. Looking at Bentley, he confirmed him to do the same as well. They reached right by their jaws, and grabbed under the fake latex skin. Like a sene out of a horror movie, Sly ripped his faux face off, reveling his true, furry, pointy ear form, as the ringtail we all know and love, Sly Cooper.
"Yeah, I'm Sly. We had two incidents involving a desk fire and some stolen paper." Sly stated. "Listen, the reason we're here is because someone is sexually harassing Carm."
Teresa turned to Carmelita, staring in awe. "Oh my God, is that true?" she asked.
"You're damn right it is," Sly exclaimed. "And you're not going to hide this behind some corporate door."
"Yeah, Like the engine that runs on water," Murray retorted.
"Who are you to talk right now?" Teresa asked with anger and confusion in her voice.
"Well, I'm Carmelita's husband!" Sly exclaimed self righteously.
"Carmelita's not married." Teresa proclaimed as if it were a matter of fact. "Carmelita's gay."
"What?" Sly shouted, confused. "She's not gay. Wait? Are you Carm?" Sly asked sincerely.
Looking like a lost puppy dog, with much sadness, shyness, and a meek glimmer in her eyes, she replied softly. "No. I'm not gay Teresa."
"Wait. You're not gay?" Teresa asked with a quirked brow.
"No."
"Wait a minute," Teresa exclaimed. She backed up. Her eyes were widened. Her mouth was open in a gasp. She looked like she was going to back out. Instead, the reality of the revelation was so intense, that she almost couldn't believe it. But she knew that it was the truth. "If you're not gay the…..OH MY GOD! I'M THE ONE WHO HAS BEEN SEXUALLY HARRASING YOU!"
"Wait!" Sly exclaimed flabbergasted as he pointed at Teresa. "You're pudding?"
With a smug smile as wide as The Great Wall of China, Bentley exclaimed with haughty laugh. "Hey Sly, you know the deal. Kick her ass."
Sly was now more confused, shocked, and astounded than ever. It was a twist that he had never seen coming. He was so shocked that he almost felt like he brain was splitting into two. He was going insane. Sly had to find a seat and sit down for the added pressure of just standing up was too much to handle. As he sat and contemplated what the hell was happening, Carmelita began to apologize to her boss. But before that happened, Teresa had one question on her mind.
"If you ain't gay, how come we went on all those dates?" Teresa asked.
"I didn't know they were dates, until Tuesday…when I got the panties." Carmelita embarrassingly said.
"Panties?" Chad asked interested.
"DON'T YOU HAVE SOME STAPPLING TO DO?" Sly shouted in anger as he looked towards the ground, running his hands through his fur, as he tired contemplating this strange scene.
Carmelita then began to speak with her boss some more.
"I'm so sorry," Carmelita sincerely apologized. "I didn't want to hurt your feelings. We had dinner and I thought you wanted to be just girlfriends not….girl-friends."
"I want to work here." Murray exclaimed with a dirty smile.
"Listen," Carm began. "If you were a boy, I'd knew how to handle you."
"Yeah, Me too." Sly mumbled in a monotone.
"If I were a boy, I'd go after another boy. Cause, I'm gay!" Teresa exclaimed.
"You got admit, that's a good point." Sly incoherently said.
"I'm so sorry." Carmelita stated. "Should I quit my job?"
"No, no, no." Teresa said. "Let's be reasonable here. You're a great officer, and a good friend, and you simply got in a situation that you didn't know how to handle. You can stay. Keep the job. Keep the panties if you're comfortable with that. Keep the teddy. It doesn't matter."
"Teddy?" Sly asked with a quirked brow.
"It's in the mail." Teresa replied. "Oh, and it also came with a some lingerie." And with a crafty smile, she deviously said, "Think of me when she's wearing it."
When you're born, you're pure. Unspoiled and trusting. Some say, that when you're born, it's the only time you're perfect.
You're also born with blood and placenta all over you, but no one seems to get nostalgic about that.
Speaking of birth, I got some exciting news. About two weeks ago, Carmelita asked me to come into the kitchen, and she gave me some of the greatest news ever.
She's pregnant.
There's a Sly junior on the way.
Here you go. You've just read the newest chapter. I'd like to thank all of you who've read this. I'm about to wrap it up. I got three more chapters plan, and then I'm putting it away. Hopefully, everything is going to turn out the way it's planned. And no matter what, I hope all of my faithful readers, and even the ones that just read one chapter once in a while, had a blast, and thought this story was funny, or entertaining.
So yeah, three more chapters, and then I'm done.
Next time: Ken Fox has a heart attack. *cue dramatic music.*