In a weakened and inebriated moment, her guard had been let down. She had let her irrational heart make the decisions for her, leading to a make out session in her kitchen. As much as she hated to admit it, she still longed to be near him, longed to feel his touch and longed to taste his kisses. I just want to sleep with you in my arms, love. Those had been the words that got him into her bed that night, her head too cloudy for her to resist his request. She had to give him credit for staying true to his word; he didn't even try to take their kitchen session further in bed. Pacey laid with one arm under her pillow, the other arm draped over her waist holding her hand while his thumb traced light circles on the inside of her wrist. He would occasionally stop stroking her hair with the other hand and place a small kiss on the top of her head. Joey desperately fought sleep, knowing that when she awoke, she would still be angry. She knew she would give him a half-hearted thank you for helping and send him on his way. Still, knowing all of this, she wanted to pretend, for just a moment, that it hadn't happened and he was just her Pacey, not her betrayer.
"You're not sleeping," He whispered.
"Neither are you."
"I'm waiting on you." She looked at him. "I know you'll hate me again come morning. It's alright. I deserve it. But you should know I'm not giving up."

The next morning, Joey's yelling didn't even seem to faze him. He simply kissed JP's forehead and headed for the door, but not before calling out that he'd see her soon. That just infuriated her more, knowing that he wasn't lying.

*****

Joey sat at her desk, staring at the layout in front of her. She'd been staring at it for twenty minutes now, not able to focus. Sheridan walked in, setting a folder on her desk and Joey didn't even look up.
"Okay, I know you said you didn't care what he was doing while he was in Greenwich, but I made some calls anyway." Joey looked at her. "From what I hear, he was pretty busy."
"Is that so?"
"But not with dating. He was in the volunteer fire department, assistant coach for one of the little league teams, he volunteered over at the hospital in the pediatric wing and he worked for the Public Works Department. Not to mention he was involved in every event in the town." Joey leaned back in her chair. "And... Apparently, he couldn't stop talking about his girl back in the city."
"Really."
"Yeah, he was head over heels for some girl named Jo." Sheridan smiled, hesitating. "He is a persistent one. You do know that I've turned him away every day for the past four weeks." Joey nodded silently. "At the risk of getting fired, he was the only one you said couldn't see you."
"What are you talking about?"
"Jenna's outside your door."
"Sheridan, no."
"Just listen to her. She gave me her entire appeal out at my desk and honestly, you have to hear it." Joey sighed, finally nodding. She looked at Jenna as she cautiously came in, sitting down.
"Where's JP?" Joey asked, watching her.
"Pacey's got him." Joey nodded. "Jo... I wish that all of this hadn't happened. If I had known it was going to go this far... you have to know I wouldn't have gone along with it."
"You all lied to me for over two years. And now I'm supposed to just forgive all of you? I can't do that."
"I only lied to you for a year. I had no idea up until then. And then Mom blurted it out one night over a bottle of wine. I should have told you then."
"Yeah, you should have. It's too late now. What's done is done and-"
"You're going to try and tell me that you're not miserable? That you're moving on and you don't love Pacey anymore?" Jenna leaned forward. "The only person you're fooling is yourself. I know you, Joey Potter. And I know that alcohol had nothing to do with the night you let him sleep in your bed and hold you."
"He told you about that."
"Of course he did. You're the only thing he talks about. Look, I'm not saying that I expect you to forget what happened. And I know that you don't want to let your guard down with him again because you're scared of what might happen. Well I can tell you what would happen."
"Enlighten me."
"You'd be happy. You'd be content and happy and with the man you love."
"Who said I'm still-"
"Oh, don't even try it." Joey smirked despite her.
"Does he know you're here?"
"What are you talking about? I'm at a doctor's appointment."
"I don't trust him."
"So fix that."
"How? I can't trust a word that comes out of his mouth."
"You think he can lie to your face?"
"He already has." Jenna shook her head. "Yes he has."
"Was he ever able to look you in the eye when he was lying?" Joey frowned. "He can't lie. He can't look anyone in the eyes and lie, Joey, especially you." Jenna stood up. "I'll come by tonight and you can go talk to him."
"I'm not going to your mother's house."
"He'll be at the library in Hyde Park. He's studying for his boards."

*****

She'd been standing there, at the far corner of the stacks, for about fifteen minutes now, just watching him in the main reading room. Partly because she had no idea what she was going to say to him, and partly because she had always loved watching him study. His lips moved ever so slightly when he read and, every once in a while, his forehead would crinkle up just slightly only to ease itself back a few moments later.

He was so determined to get through his current section of the study guide, that he hadn't noticed her sit across from him right away. When the scent of her perfume wafted past his nose, however, he definitely noticed.
"Hey," she whispered as he looked up at her. "Can we talk?" Pacey nodded and she followed him back through the stacks nearly into a corner. She suddenly found herself holding her breath as he sat on the windowsill and she found herself looking right into his blue eyes.
"What's on your mind?" He asked, his voice still hushed.
"Why have you been to my office everyday for the past month?"
"I haven't. I took breaks on Saturday and Sunday," he joked. "You didn't come here to ask me that anyway. You know the answer already. I told you I wasn't giving up. So why are you really here?"
"I..." She leaned against the wall, looking at a couple as they walked by them. "I don't know." Pacey stood up, looking at her.
"Yes you do. You just don't want to admit it."
"Admit what?" She asked, instantly conscious of how close he was to her.
"That despite all of it you still love me."
"Still loving you doesn't mean I forgive you or that trust you, Pacey." He shook his head.
"No, it doesn't. But if you'd stop fighting it, you would." She looked at him for what seemed like forever. He brushed a stray hair back from her face, kissing her forehead. "I'm still not giving up on you, Josephine Potter." He took her hand in his, kissing it.
"I need to show you something."
"Right here? You know they have surveillance cameras, Jo." She glared at him.
"Are you done studying or not?"
"Of course I am... now."

Pacey looked at her as they pulled up to the gates of the graveyard, instantly knowing where they were.
"You know, I'd really rather not visit my own grave, Jo."
"You need to."
"Why?"
"I told you. I have to show you something." He followed her up the gravel road to his headstone, standing back as she picked up the jar sitting next to it and handed it to Pacey.
"What's this?"
"Open it." He looked at the letters JP painted on the outside of the jar. "I'm not the only one you hurt, Pacey. I'll be in the car." She walked down to the car, leaving him standing there holding JP's jar full of drawings for Daddy.

*****

For what seemed like the fiftieth time that night, Joey looked at the clock on her nightstand. Once again, she was awake at one in the morning and sleep didn't seem to be coming anytime soon. She had half expected him to show up on her doorstep that night after she had dropped him off at his car again. He hadn't. At this point she hadn't heard from him in three days, and she wondered if she would again. It seemed like forever ago that he was inches away from her in the library, but forever was relative. She sat up, knocked from her thoughts of him as her phone rang.
"Hello?"
"You should be sleeping," he said softly.
"If I should be sleeping, why are you calling me?"
"I was hoping that you weren't." She laid back down, a small sigh escaping her lips. "Do you want to let me in?"
"Let you in?"
"I'm standing on your front porch."
"Let yourself in. The key's on your key chain."
"It is?"
"Yes." She hung up and put on her robe, heading for the stairs. He met her at the top of them. He took her hand, leading her back into her bedroom and shutting the door. "You're not getting laid."
"As much as I would love that, I wasn't expecting to."
"Good, because-"
"I need to hear you say it," he interrupted her.
"What?" she asked, confused. He sat on the edge of the bed.
"Either tell me to leave or tell me that you love me. Its your choice." He stood up. "I need to know what's going on here. I messed up. I messed up in the hugest messiest way that was possible, and I accept that. But I can't do this little dance we've been doing anymore. Either you want to be with me or you don't."
"What if I can't do that?"
"You have to."
"What if I can't?"
"Then I'll assume you don't want me in your life anymore."
"That's not what I want."
"What do you want?"
"Pacey-"
"You have to say it." She leaned again the wall and he moved over to her. "There's nothing to be scared of, Jo."
"Except everything. Why are you pushing this?"
"Because I have to leave, and you're either coming with me or you're not."
"Excuse me?"
"I have to go back to Greenwich and I want you there with me."
"I can't just pack up and go."
"Yes you can."
"Pacey... I love you, I do. But..." He kissed her and nodded.
"Okay then. I'll call you."
"Pacey, wait," her words came out, bouncing back at her off of the closed door.

There was no denying it, Joey Potter was officially a wreck. The initial confusion about the last night she'd seen Pacey was gone, and now all she felt was a mixture of hurt, anger and now a general feeling of desperation. She liked to call it hangeration for her own slight amusement. She had waited three days for him to call her. No call. She then spent two days trying to will her fingers to dial his number, and another two actually dialing it. He hadn't answered. And now, a week after that, his phone had been shut off, which she took as a definite message. Yesterday she had decided that she was done; that Pacey Witter would call her if he felt the need. That was before today. Before the realization that her period was way beyond what one would call late. Before she was standing in her bathroom peeing on a pregnancy test. Before she was staring in shock as the word pregnant stared back at her from the digital readout.

"Hey Joey. I just put him down for a nap."
"Jenna. I need Pacey's number or his address, or something."
"I thought you were done."
"This isn't to stalk him."
"No, I just meant... you said last night the ball was in his court."
"Apparently not," Joey scoffed.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, that JP is going to be a big brother."
"Holy crap."
"No kidding."
"Look, I'll find out. I'll have it for you before you pick up JP."
"Okay."
"Are you alright?"
"Why is it every time he goes I find out I'm pregnant?" Jenna smiled, trying not to laugh.
"Sweetie... I'll see you later."

Joey pulled into the parking lot of the diner, needing to calm her nerves before she knocked on his door. There had been no phone number, only an address for Matt Christensen. And now here she sat, in a parking lot in Greenwich, trying to ease the hangeration she felt with a milkshake. Taking a deep breath, she got out of the car, knowing from the map that his house was only a block away. She must've stood in front of the house for a good fifteen minutes before knocking on the door. She looked at the young woman who answered door, definitely not expecting someone other than Pacey to answer.
"Can I... oh my God. You're Joey." The woman grabbed Joey's hand, pulling her inside and shutting the door. "He didn't even tell me you were coming, that jerk."
"He doesn't know."
"Really. This should be interesting. Oh my Lord, I'm so rude. You must be wondering who is this woman and why is she in Matt's house. Silly me. I'm Katrina Marsden, I live next door. He's just a slob, like I have to tell you, and I clean up for him."
"For free?"
"No, of course not. I would be crazy to do that."
"Exactly." Katrina grabbed her hand, pulling her into the kitchen. "You must be famished, let me get you a snack."
"No, Katrina I'm fine, really." Before Joey could get out the sentence she had a sandwich in front of her on the table. She had barely taken a bite when the front door opened.
"Trina? Are you here?" Katrina looked at Joey and winked.
"In the kitchen, dear. You have company."
"Who would-" he froze in the doorway.
"It's just your Joey, dear. I'll be at my place, leave you two to yourselves." Joey watched Katrina leave before looking at him again, still just standing there and staring at her.
"You never called," she said, standing up and taking her plate to the sink. "This is the only way I could talk to you."
"Talk about what exactly?" He managed to get out.
"Oh, I don't know," she said as she rinsed off the dish and looked at him as she leaned against the counter. "Maybe we could talk about why the hell you left? Or why you never called?"
"Joey-"
"No, I've got it. Let's talk about the fact that in October, you're going to be a daddy again."
"Excuse me?" She kept her eyes trained on him as he stepped towards her.
"You heard me."
"You're pregnant?" She nodded. "How long have you known?"
"I found out two days ago."
"Joey..."Her hard gaze faultered as the thought crossed her mind that maybe he didn't leave because he absolutely had to; maybe he left to get away from her, that it was really her that he was escaping.
"No, you know what?" She pushed the thought from her head, determined to keep up the angry facade. "I don't care if you want nothing to do with me, Pacey. You need to be a dad to your kids."
"You honestly think I'd rather be up here?"
"I don't know. You don't talk to me, you just throw ultimatums at me." He opened a drawer, pulling out photographs. They were pictures of Joey and JP, targets drawn over their faces.
"The morning before I came to see you and throw ultimatums at you, as you put it, I got these taped to my windshield. So no, I can't be in Boston. But nothing's stopping you from moving here."
"Nothing? What about my job? The house?"
"They're hiring an art teacher at the high school and if you sell your house you can buy one here for half the price with twice the space." She looked away from him, knowing he was making sense. "Where are your bags?"
"I didn't bring any bags. I'm not staying."
"Well you aren't driving back to Boston tonight. Its already getting dark and there's a huge storm coming in."
"I'm not staying with you."
"I get that you're mad at me. But I have three extra rooms upstairs and there's no lodging in town. Joey... they're closing the roads due to this storm, there's no way you're driving over three hours."
"Fine," She said, if for no other reason than to shut him up. "But I still don't have bags."

Things had moved much faster than she had expected them to. Within two months, the house had sold, she had gotten the position at the high school and she was unpacking at the new house in Greenwich, NY. As much as she hated to, she had to admit that the house was much bigger and much nicer than her house in Boston. She also hadn't expected the town to be as welcoming of her as they had been. Within a week JP had play dates with neighborhood kids and being invited to birthday parties. And Pacey was trying, she had to give him that. He was coming over every Tuesday and Sunday and taking JP out with him, whether it was to baseball games or to the park or just playing with him in the backyard.

Joey walked into the diner Sunday afternoon after Pacey had picked up JP and walked over to the booth Katrina was sitting in.
"You made it. I was beginning to wonder about you."
"I had to wait for... for Matt to pick up JP." Katrina smiled.
"Sweetie, you can call him Pacey." Joey looked at her. "His middle name. I heard you call him that once and made him clue me in."
"Oh," Joey said, stirring the cream into her coffee. Katrina sighed. "What is it?"
"I take it you haven't seen today's paper?"
"No..." Katrina handed it to her and Joey looked at the picture in the society section of Pacey looking rather cozy dancing with a brunette. "Oh." Joey still stared at the picture. "Um... Katrina, I forgot, I have so much to do today. I'll... I'll just come by later."
"Joey." And without another word, Joey was out of the booth and out the door.

She hadn't expected for one picture of him dancing with another woman to affect her. She certainly hadn't expected it to affect her like this. She was sitting in her room, curled up in a chair, when the boys came home around eight. She heard Pacey shut the door to JP's room and then look in at her.
"Hey, he's out so I'm going to go." She didn't move. "Are you ok?" He walked in, automatically seeing the society page open on her bed. "Is that why you're upset?"
"No... Not exactly." He sat on the edge of the bed. "Everywhere I went today people kept asking how I was and telling me to keep my head up. I had no clue what they were talking about until I met Katrina for coffee and saw that." She pressed her palms into her eyes, angry that he was seeing her upset. "I know I'm here for JP, but damn it Pacey!" She stood up. "According to certain people you spent two years talking about me and how much you loved me. And now that I'm here you want nothing to do with me and you're taking other women out?"
"What do you want me to say? You hate me, remember, Jo?"
"I'm mad and I'm angry and I'm hurt but I never said I hate you." He stood up.
"You never had to."
"So when I came here and told you that I'm pregnant, I hated you?"
"You sure acted like it."
"Why? Because I didn't jump on you and started making out?"
"No," he said moving towards her. "Because I know you."
"Obviously you don't. Personally, I don't stop loving someone in two weeks."
"For the record, that other woman I took out? She's a nurse at the hospital whose daughter has cancer and she needed a breather so we went to the opening of new pediatric wing at the hospital. Second, you can't be in a room with me for more than ten minutes without getting defensive about everything I say. And third? If you think that even for a second I ever stopped loving you, you aren't as smart as everyone thinks you are." She slumped against the wall, diverting her eyes from his. She closed her eyes as his hands went to her swollen belly. "Besides, you've made it pretty obvious that right now I'm just a sperm donor." She looked at him again. She had forgotten about this. About how he was when she was upset, when she was yelling and screaming at him. About how he'd just let her yell and do anything to just touch her. Half the time, she'd just wanted him to yell back, but he would just talk to her in that soothing way of his. "You need to be honest with me."
"About what?"
"About what you want. Either you want to be one I'm taking pictures with, or you don't. You can't be getting mad over me being out with another woman if you can't even tell me you want to be that woman." She looked down, realizing his hands were moving up and down her sides, his thumbs occasionally and purposely brushing over the sides of her breasts.
"This isn't about wanting to be with you or not wanting to."
"Then what is it about?"
"Being able to trust you." Her hands grabbed his, stopping his caresses. He moved closer to her.
"And what about love?"
"You're stupid if you think I don't love you." He smirked and kissed her forehead.
"Good night, Jo. I'll be by after work tomorrow." He walked out and she slumped back against the wall.