Warning for suicidal thoughts this chapter.

Alluka gasped. Killua grabbed her, whirling around to face Hisoka.

"Hisoka!" yelped Gon. His eyes lit up.

The clown rested his elbow on his head, arm dangling down. His ever present cards were pinched between his fingers. "Who's killing each other now?"

"Everyone," snapped Killua. They couldn't hear it from here, though. All he heard were the tinny laughs in the distance of the Kakin royalty, and the gentle shushing of the water against the side of the boat.

Alluka peered up at Hisoka, who frowned at her. "Oh right," said Hisoka. "You're the sister. You know your brother hired me to help kill you awhile ago, right?"

Illumi—hired Hisoka? Killua couldn't breathe. Why do you hate her so much? What did she ever do to you? Do you even care about our family, or only what you think our family should be? He glared at Hisoka. "Bastard!"

Gon's fist flew out. Hisoka dodged.

"Don't insult Alluka again," eked out Killua.

"I thought you were better at punching than that, Gon," said Hisoka. Ignoring Killua's threat. Of course.

"I don't—have nen anymore," Gon stammered. He flushed.

Hisoka avoided looking at him. "Well, I suppose, neither Illumi nor I got what we wanted from that excursion. Alluka's free with Killua, Killua still doesn't love Illumi the most, and I'll never be able to fight you."

Illumi—Killua's lungs froze. "Illumi has no idea what love is."

"That, we can agree on," Hisoka mused.

"Also, if you imply Gon's useless again, I'll electrocute you," Killua warned. "Alluka will help."

Hisoka raised his hands. "That wasn't my intention."

"I heard you died yourself," Gon said, peering up at Hisoka. "But nen brought you back. Your own nen."

"So you're keeping tabs on me?" Hisoka laughed, but the sound was like crumpling paper in the wind. "Indeed. Chrollo Lucilfer and I have a bit of a battle going on. I hired your brother to kill me, Killua. Team up with him and maybe he'll relax."

Alluka kept glancing from Gon to Killua to Hisoka.

"His idea of love will only hurt me," Killua stated.

"Isn't that what love does?"

"That's sad," said Alluka. "Were you locked in a room, too?"

Hisoka started. And then his eyes found Killua. "I killed Gotoh on that mission."

Something cold wrapped itself through Killua's veins, his stomach. "You're lying." Canary would have told him. Amane. Tsubone, or—

"Sorry," Hisoka said with a shrug.

"Why are you like this?" yelled Gon. His voice shook. Killua looked over at his friend and saw grief etched in his face, grief that he would blame himself for, and Killua would wind back time to get Gon not to blame himself. Then again…

You're still my friend, no matter what.

"You learned nothing from almost dying?" Gon continued. "You think that it wasn't a warning sign?"

"It was 'speed up' sign," Hisoka said.

"You're a fucking dumbass!" Gon bellowed. He clenched his fists. Tears filled his eyes. "If you don't care, why are you asking—why are you trying to antagonize us? It's like you want us to fight you, too. It's like you want the entire world against you. Do you really think you're that strong? Or do you want to die again?"

Hisoka shuffled his cards. "Only the strong survive." He showed an ace.

Gon ripped the card out of Hisoka's hand and tore it in two. And then in fours, and eighths, until it was completely shredded. "So what, do you want to prove yourself—the strongest ever? To prove you deserve to be alive? Well, I don't deserve to be alive and yet I still am!"

It rocked Killua to his bones to hear Gon saying he didn't deserve to be alive. "I want you alive!"

"And I am!" Gon pointed his finger at Hisoka. "And I want you to stay alive! We still have to fight again! Nen or not—you helped us out sometimes—"

"Only when it benefitted me—"

"What if no one has to die?" cried Gon. "Why can't you think outside the box, you dumbass?"

People always have to die. Killua knew this. It'd been drilled into his head since the age of two.

"Did you ever feel bad, Illu-nii?" Killua asked at the age of three, snuggled up to his brother's side and trying to recover from a bout of poisoning.

"Once, and Dad punished me for it," Illumi answered, stroking his hair. "It's okay. You're not a bad person. You're a Zoldyck. And we matter to each other no matter what."

And Killua realized Illumi knew what he was asking, and was telling him that even if everyone hated him, he would still love him.

Funny, that's what he told Alluka when they left Kukuroo Mountain.

"Don't coddle him, Illumi," yelled their mother's voice, shattering the reverie.

"Maybe you don't need to make enemies of everyone, because people like you!" yelled Gon.

"You hate me," Hisoka pointed out. But his face was the color of curdled milk.

"I don't," said Alluka. "I don't even know you. But if you're going to be mean to my friends, then I'll hate you."

Hisoka swallowed. He took a step back. "Find Kalluto, and get him the hell out of here, okay?"

"What's the point to that?" shouted Killua. "Why are you—"

"Don't let him go in the black door," Hisoka said. "Find him before he goes through the black door." And then he took off, running.

Huh? Killua gaped after him. He didn't understand. Not at all.

Gon doubled over, crying.

"Why do you care about that clown?" Killua tried to joke. Gotoh. Gotoh is dead. After Illumi retreated and Mike, Gotoh was the only one he could smile at for years.

"I was an idiot," Gon said. "But I had you. He has what, your brother?"

"He's fucked then," Killua stated, and Alluka hit him.

Hisoka didn't remember the last time he'd run away from a confrontation, but he wasn't certain he wanted to remember the last time.

This has gone too far.

Below him, people were slaughtering each other. The Kakin guards would probably regain order, but temporarily. Morena Prudo would win, wouldn't she?

The strongest survived.

The weak, their blood stewed in the streets. The weak had all their control, all their joy, stripped away.

Hisoka had experienced that once, only for about a week, before he revolted and got the hell out of there. And since then, he'd run around the world looking for—fun. Joy. Some sort of pleasure in life. Proof he was the strongest.

Haven't you always been running?

Hisoka sent his fist into a random wall. Bungee Gum fingers. He felt no pain. He never thought he would miss pain.

He wanted to win. He wanted to—live, because without it, without that proof—he was just a scrap of breathing, bleeding flesh, born to no one he knew and born for nothing. So he found pleasure. That was something he could at least look forward to. And he'd never wanted anything more.

Didn't you?

He remembered the walls closing in around him, and clinging to the only enjoyment he could find. And of course that bastard would be on this ship right now, bookending the times he was alive in his life. He didn't count his early years, not that he even remembered most of them. Bungee Gum had been inflating his lungs, beating his heart for him, since he'd discovered it. It hadn't saved him just then.

He should find Illumi. Maybe they could fuck and then Illumi would kill him.

But he knew. He had known ever since that first hesitation.

You won't do it.

But it had to be Illumi.

He might do it. Maybe. But it'd take a lot to get him there. Hisoka would have to kill Kalluto or Killua or something to make him do it, and if he did—would that even still be Illumi in that shell?

To have Illumi kill him, Illumi would have to be destroyed, and Hisoka wasn't—willing to do that.

Fuck!

If anyone in the Phantom Troupe found out Illumi hesitated, much less fucked Hisoka and then let him go… normally it wouldn't matter, but Chrollo was hardly operating as per normal now. He was disintegrating with his legs falling off one by one.

You're a spare, he'd told Illumi. And it was true. That's how his family saw him. But to Hisoka, Illumi was not a spare.

Not to me. Never to me.

And Illumi clearly liked that, clearly liked being the final boss for someone. Because it meant someone saw him.

He couldn't do this anymore. He had to choose. Illumi, or himself. And he didn't understand why he even had to choose.

Illumi was a part of him. And something else.

Hisoka threw his head back and laughed. In the end, he'd lost. He failed.

He didn't deserve to be alive.

At the very least, he knew someone with angry pink hair would might provide some joy from slaughtering him.

"Woble," Kurapika tried, crouched on the floor. "Woble, you can't eat that."

The baby squawked in indignation as Kurapika removed a block from her chubby hands. Chrollo smirked. Woble let out a wail and Kurapika picked her up, bouncing her as he sung her a lullaby in a language Chrollo didn't understand.

Or, well, a language he didn't understand the words of. Chrollo clasped his hands together.

"That's the Kurta tongue, isn't it?" asked Nobunaga, appearing behind him.

Chrollo nodded. Did anyone else in the world speak it now, or was it just Kurapika?

Woble's whimpers calmed. She leaned her head against Kurapika's shoulder. He kept crooning to her until she fell asleep.

"I thought you said he could find Hisoka," said Nobunaga. "Feitan texted me about it. I think he's itching to kill, but it sounds like it's a battle for them to just stay alive down there right now."

Chrollo frowned. "Is it really getting chaotic?"

"Apparently." Nobunaga exhaled. "The sooner we get off this ship, the better."

"There's a way," said Chrollo. "Someone—there's someone with an ability to transport us anywhere."

"Are you going to steal it?"

A chill ran down Chrollo's spine. "No. She's offered to help us. She has—a mission to help her brother. It shouldn't be more than a day or two. And then—"

"Hisoka's still here," Nobunaga pointed out.

"What if he left him here?" Chrollo countered. "We could leave. He could fight everyone on this ship. We could—go elsewhere." Be safe. All of you alive.

"If you don't think he'll find a way off this ship, Chrollo…" Nobunaga exhaled. "I never did like him. Why did you?"

"For the same reason I like you," Chrollo answered. "You're interesting, and useful."

"So in the end, it's just about you?" called Kurapika's voice from across the room. "You love yourself through them?"

Chrollo glared. Do you have to be like this? Kurapika was perhaps more dangerous to his group than Hisoka. But he was one of them—well, only in name. Just like Hisoka.

I wish you'd join us for real.

"Not hardly," said Nobunaga. "We are all of us, one. We need each other."

"Like parasites," Kurapika taunted. Woble yanked at his hair. He winced. "Ow!"

"No," said Chrollo, looking out the window. Fog covered the sea today, rendering it invisible. "Like people." He tossed a smile at Kurapika. "We need each other."

Kurapika swallowed. He headed into the bedroom, and Chrollo followed, watching as he lay Woble down in her crib.

"You'll be a good dad someday," Chrollo remarked.

Kurapika glanced at him, surprise in his eyes. His features softened looking back down at Woble. "I don't remember the last time I thought about having a family."

Chrollo swallowed. The ship rocked gentle, back and forth.

"Did you ever?"

Chrollo watched Woble suck her thumb in her sleep, safe and secure, as safe as she could be with her siblings trying to kill her. What a cruel lot for fate to give an innocent child.

He was so, so familiar with cruel lots. Chrollo shook his head. "Not really. It was… a waste of time."

"And it'd be a waste of time for me to start thinking about it again," Kurapika said. "I'm going to—I don't know if I have eighty years left, or one. I just know it's less than it should have been."

Chrollo scowled. You stupid—

"And if I were to have a kid, I'd just be a bad dad," said Kurapika. "Like Ging Freecss. Too focused on myself. Like you."

Chrollo folded his arms. "You could stop using Emperor Time, you know."

"I wouldn't know how to live, without the eyes to pursue." Kurapika pinched his earring.

You'd have to acknowledge it was a waste, wouldn't you, then? Emperor Time. Your life. Your tribe. But Chrollo couldn't bring himself to say it when he could still hear the Kurta lullaby echoing in his ears. "So you plan to get them from Tserriednich before leaving?"

Kurapika nodded. "The information Machi and Shizuku got—it's helpful. Thank them for me?"

Chrollo caught his breath. "I will." He watched as Kurapika turned away, shoulders hunched. "What are the chances of you sticking with us once we disembark?"

"Zero," Kurapika responded. "But you know that, don't you?"

"Of course." Chrollo winked. "You might like having a family again, though. A dysfunctional one, but—"

Kurapika snorted. Woble stirred. "Are you all leaving the ship with us?"

Chrollo sighed. "I'll ask. Recommend, even. But if some of them want to stay behind and continue to look for Hisoka, I can't stop them. And I won't." They had to make their own choices.

He couldn't become fate. Though, he was tempted to invoke his power as the head.

"Not even if it's for their own good?" Kurapika asked.

"I don't know if it's worse to let someone die," said Chrollo. "Or to kill what they live for." He hoped. He wanted them all to come. He thought of Hisoka, and what he lived for, and what Chrollo had destroyed. That's why you're targeting my legs, aren't you, Hisoka? You want me to experience the same thing.

He tried to conjure that same black, sticky hatred that slathered his insides when he thought of the man recently. But it wouldn't come. Still, the others… "Of course, if we were to locate Hisoka in the meantime, and end that, then that wouldn't be a problem."

Kurapika arched his eyebrows. The fog coated the window.

"You know how to find him," said Chrollo. "Dowsing Chain, right?"

Kurapika hesitated. "Yes, it could find him."

"And will you?" Chrollo waited.

"No," Kurapika said, shaking his head. "I won't."

He was not surprised at all. A small smile spread across Chrollo's face, and something clenched in his abdomen. He needed to get away from this man.

"Are you mad?" Kurapika called.

Chrollo turned around. "No." Do you care? But if he asked, Kurapika would probably say something about being worried he'd take his anger out on Oito. "Actually, if you said you would, I might have been disappointed."

A frown flitted across Kurapika's face. "I don't understand."

You may have a warped idea of justice, but still. Still, I don't feel like shattering it any more. Chrollo managed a nod. "I'll be out for about an hour. Tell Oito, okay?"

He could tell from the look on Kurapika's face as he nodded that he suspected Chrollo was going out to hunt Hisoka. But he wasn't. He needed to take a walk, clear his head, hope the chill from the fog seeped into him and put out the embers sparking in his abdomen.

I wish you believed you deserved to live.

It wasn't for him to decide, though. It was fate.

Well, Chrollo didn't like Kurapika's fate.

I want you to believe that, even if you die.

He looked down at the clouds rolling below, blanketing the sea, rendering it invisible.

I want to believe that.

"He's definitely on the third tier, right?" asked Gon.

"Supposedly," Killua answered as they ate soft pretzel rolls and sipped papaya juice. The people aboard the second tier had said that the Kakin soldiers managed to regain control, but dozens were dead and would be buried at sea. Thankfully the thick mist cloaked the sight from everyone else.

They huddled up here, shivering. Leorio had called, panicked. The med bay was apparently swamped with survivors. Killua assured him they were okay, and texted the same to Kurapika.

"Who is that?" asked Alluka. "Onii-chan—"

"Who?" asked Killua, scanning the deck. His shirt clung to him, damp. He squinted.

A figure emerged through the darkness. A blond male in robes, his face beaten black and blue and green, yellow and maroon. His nose was crooked, and he hobbled as if he could barely walk. "I don't believe you three have permission to be up here."

"Who are you?" asked Gon.

"Prince Tserriednich Hui Guo Rou."

Some prince, Killua thought. But he said nothing. He knew this man's type. He wouldn't taunt them with that information unless he wanted something. "What do you want?"

Alluka scooted behind him.

"A friend of mine told me where your brother will be," answered Tserriednich. "Killua Zoldyck. Gon Freecss. And… Nanika."

Killua leapt to his feet. Electricity sizzled in his fingertips. He was not going to let this filthy scumbag threaten his friend or his sister. "How do you know our names? And answer my question. What the fuck do you want?"

"Something a friend can give me, and the cost is to tell you that your brother will be on the deck where the riot was tomorrow morning, or tonight really, at three am," answered Tserriednich Hui Guo Rou. He hobbled another step.

"And how does your friend have this information?" Killua fired back. "For all we know you plan to ambush us there. Since you know our identities."

"It'll be cordoned off, anyways," Gon said.

"Not my problem." The man's lips twisted into a sickening smile. "He said to give you this." He tossed something at Killua. Gon caught it automatically.

A fan.

Mother's fan. Now Kalluto's fan.

Fuck. He's already been kidnapped or something, hasn't he?

Tserriednich vanished into the fog. Killua swore.

"We could always contact Illumi," Gon suggested, voice weak.

"No." Killua shook his head. "We'll do it on our own." They couldn't count on Leorio or Kurapika, either. If that prince was involved in the succession war, he might even be hoping they called Kurapika for help to give him an opportunity to pounce on Prince Woble when she was defenseless.

"You have me," said Alluka, eyes black. Nanika. "I'll protect you."

Killua swallowed. You shouldn't have to. She barely even knew Kalluto, and the last time Kalluto and Alluka were together he'd shoved her down the stairs. Granted, that was eight years ago at least.

But he was their brother. And if he could protect Alluka, he could save Kalluto. "Okay."